Posted by Ilana Angel
In honor of Mother’s Day, I am submitting my mother's blog and would like to give 17 reasons as to why my Mother is the best, on account of the fact that is how many Mother’s Days she has had.
1. She is extremely uplifting. She tells me how proud she is of me, and how incredible my jeans make my butt look.
2. She is very attractive, commonly referred to as a M.I.L.T.T.T.D. (A Mother I’d Like To Take To Dinner)
3. She is quite humorous. She understands 60% of my jokes, which is 30% more than the average Canadian.
4. She doesn’t fully understand how to work technology. This is good because it makes me feel intelligent when she comes to me for help.
5. She is Canadian. Canadian’s are usually kinder and more well rounded than most Americans.
6. She is Jewish. This is fairly self-explanatory.
7. She appreciates the things I love. This doesn’t mean my Mother is a die hard Lord of the Rings fan, but she doesn’t judge the fact that I am.
8. She introduced me to the film “Love Actually”. This is a simply incredible film that I never would have seen if it weren’t for her.
9. She likes my cat. There is just something very endearing about your mother stroking your cat.
10. She likes my friends and my friends like her. Unfortunately, the downside is that my friends would rather hang out with her than me.
11. She is very good at cooking. Whether it be pasta, soup, or steak, I always walk away from the table feeling like the twice the man I was when I got there. Both metaphorically and literally.
12. She supports me in all of my endeavors. She has always told me to follow my dreams, and because of that, I am happier than ever.
13. She’s always willing to help. Everything from school functions, to my homework. (Not the kitty litter. I never get help with the kitty litter.)
14. She is short. This makes me feel much taller and stronger than I actually am.
15. She doesn’t like loud music. This aggravates me a lot now, but I’m sure I’ll appreciate it for some reason later in my life.
16. She has raised me to be Jewish. I’m becoming more grateful for this every single day.
17. Finally, my Mother has raised me to be me. She has never told me to be anyone different. She has been kind and helpful and supportive through thick and thin. Not all kids are lucky enough to have that.
I love you so much Mum.
You are a truly remarkable human being.
Happy Mothers Day!
12.12.13 at 8:05 am | Well played my son. Well played.
12.11.13 at 6:58 am | I watch in awe and stare with envy at these. . .
12.5.13 at 3:16 pm | Heaven has received a blessing today.
12.3.13 at 3:05 pm | Every time I go into the kitchen I half expect to. . .
11.30.13 at 10:42 am | "The only correct actions are those that demand. . .
11.29.13 at 1:56 pm | My nest will never empty as my son will always be. . .
9.15.13 at 3:14 pm | I love you Russell Brand. (445)
12.11.13 at 6:58 am | I watch in awe and stare with envy at these. . . (263)
7.25.11 at 5:38 pm | We need more Jews! (239)
May 9, 2013 | 4:10 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I am not really a transitional kind of girl. I hate the dating dance and at this stage of my life am able to make quick decisions in terms of the men I want to spend time with. I have friends who swear by the "transitional man" method of getting over a love. A man that will get you back in the saddle so to speak, so you can mend your broken heart, and then meet the next man you will love. For me, I'd rather have a practice round instead of a transitional man. I'm not transitioning from anything. I had love, lost it, and want it again.
Yesterday I spoke with a single male friend of mine. He is in his 50's, divorced, successful, sexy, smart, funny, planted firmly in Judaism, and unable to find love. I have had a crush on him for years and don't get why he is not in a relationship. We spoke about dating and it was interesting to get a look into how a man's mind works. It is very different. Forget about Mars and Venus, apples and oranges, or black and white. They differences between men and women are far vaster than planets, fruits, and colors. We are just inexplicably different.
He spoke of being bored with meeting women for coffee or dinner. He sits and talks to people all day and so going out to talk is not appealing. It made perfect sense to me. Isn't the real test of compatibility whether you can be quiet together? I can talk to anyone, it's a gift, but being quiet with someone is a special thing. Relationships are not just about talking. Or sex for that matter. There is more intimacy in lying down with someone and listening to them breathe, than in having sex. Sex is important, but not necessarily always intimate.
I never invite men to my home unless we are in a relationship. My son lives with me, and meeting him must be earned. I will go to a man's home if I feel comfortable, but if that comfort fades once I'm there, I leave. My friend spoke of inviting a woman to his home on a second date. He loves his home, and thought having her over would be relaxing and less of a forced talking marathon, which dates can be. She took the invitation to mean he wanted a relationship, as home meant intimacy to her. Wrong, but understandable.
If a man is invited into my home, the place where I am my most happy and self-aware, in my mind it is a relationship. For my friend, inviting her into his home was simply another location for a date. Women are seeking signs from men to make us feel special. If we are invited to his home, we’re special. The truth is that if we saw a list of women invited there before us, we would see it is not special at all. Not everything men do and say has a hidden message of love. Men don't think like that, and women are unwilling to understand or believe it.
Couldn’t all dating for men be classified as transitional? How exactly will a transitional man help me? What am I looking for? I don't need to get married again, I don't want to have another child, I have my own home, car, and ability to support myself. My son does not need a father, and neither do I. I am looking for a friend, confidant, lover, and ultimately a witness. I want a witness to my life. I want to look next to me and know they have the same memories as me. I want to include someone other than my son and myself in my dreams.
Men are, in my opinion, better able to handle a transitional relationship. They can get from point A to point B with a few pit stops along the way. Women want to get from point A to point B quickly, with no stops in between. I am spending my transitional period with myself, and that is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I am avoiding some of the pitfalls that come with transitional dating, and a curse because I spend more time looking backward than forward. I am not sure how I am supposed to see a future when I’m facing the past.
Is the point of a transitional person to make you move on faster? Is fast really the way to go when mending a broken heart? When a relationship ends we focus on the heart, which makes no sense. You can fix a broken heart, transplant one that is not functioning, patch a hole in one, or make it slow down so you can catch your breath. The focus when suffering through heartache should be the brain. You can’t get a brain transplant, or path a hole in your brain, or slow it down so you can catch your breath. Heartache requires a new brain, not a new heart.
I like my heart. It loves deeply and openly. Is has compassion, empathy, hope, and love. My brain however, needs a little work. It is unable to acknowledge red flags, listens to the ramblings of my heart, which let’s face it, is a bit of a drinker, and seems incapable of learning from its mistakes. At the end of the day I am a bit of a mess. My heart, while lovely, is not that bright. My brain, while brilliant, is that that savvy. They are both important, but need to get along. If they could just pay more attention to each other, I’d be much better off.
My heart needs to communicate better with my brain, and my brain needs to acknowledge the feelings of my heart. They both mean well, and have my best interest in mind, but they both want to win the battle of love and in battling with each other, are making me a little crazy. Love s certainly a game, but it does not need to be a war. I am not sure who to listen to most days, which is simply exhausting. I am getting through each day, hoping to spend more time looking ahead than back, and trying to always keep the faith.
May 7, 2013 | 7:41 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I never like it when men ask me why I am single, yet I recently asked a man that very question. It is an odd question and should never be asked, except when discussing your love life with a therapist. There are only two ways to answer it, and both ways are never going to be good. If you lie, which the question begs you to do, you will forever be a liar, and if you tell the truth, you will be complicated, with just a dash of red flag thrown in.
It is an interesting question to be sure, but how many people can answer it honestly? I have been thinking about it a lot lately. Why am I single? Why are my single friends single? How many of my married friends would be happier if they were single? How many of my single friends are actually happy being single? I don’t like being single. I am not only happiest when in a relationship, but great at being in one, so why am I single? I truly thought my single days were over, but here I am. Again.
If I were going to lie, I would say I am single because I have not met the right man. A blatant lie. I have met the right man, probably more than once, and for reasons I could not control, it did not work out. You can’t make someone love you, and you can’t ignore red flags forever. Love is everything, but it is not enough to sustain a relationship. You don’t need to want the exact same things, but you must be headed in the same direction.
I want love and all the things that come with it. I find that at 47 years old I am more willing to compromise, but less willing to settle. I want a relationship that brings the things I don’t have when I am alone. I like being alone, but I don’t want to be lonely. As my son prepares to leave home and pursue his own dreams, I want to share the rest of my life with a wonderful man. A man who wants to share his life in a meaningful way.
I am not single because I have not found a great man. I am single because when push comes to shove, I want it all, and will not settle on a pretty good relationship, when I can find a pretty great one. I want a man who makes me laugh, teaches me things, makes me feel safe, enjoys sex, is not intimidated by intimacy, is not afraid to be vulnerable, and would rather spend his time with me, than not. It’s not that difficult, it is just love.
Why am I single? I truly have no idea. I am smart, talented, pretty, funny, caring, sexy, supportive, and have the ability to not only count my blessings, but see blessings where others may not. I am low maintenance, but also a little complicated. I have many layers of joy and sorrow in my history and when you dig through them it can be exhausting, but also wonderful. It takes a wise man to get me, and wise is hard to find.
There are a lot of available men, and I have my fair share of interested ones. It is not hard to get a date, it is however, in my opinion, hard to get to a second date. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, especially my own. I can tell in about a minute if there is going to be a connection, and it is not about a physical attraction as much as it is an unexplainable connection that makes me flutter, think, hope, relax, and not want to vomit.
When you start dating after a break up there are inevitable comparisons to who you broke up with and it can be challenging. If they broke up with you, it can be quite scary. When you still love that person, it can be strange, but if you are honest with yourself about what you want love to be for you, the comparisons become encouraging rather than debilitating. There is no right answer to the question why am I single?, so don’t ask it.
People always say everything will be okay in the end, so if things are not okay, it just means it is not the end. There are a lot of questions I don’t know the answer to and if I could get answers handed to me on a silver platter, why am I single?, would not be on the list of questions to be submitted for an answer. I don’t know why I am single, and I don’t know how long I will be single. I do know that everything will be okay if I focus on keeping the faith.
May 5, 2013 | 3:19 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Blogging about your personal life is an interesting journey. There are days when I think it is the greatest job ever, and others when I want to crawl under a rock and never write another word. In the end it simply is what I do, and the good outweighs the bad, but that does not make it easy everyday. I write about all aspects of my life, and my worldview. The topics vary, and nothing is off limits, which may be a problem.
Writing is very solitary and when one gets in the zone and starts to share their thoughts, you can forget that anyone else is going to read it. When I first started writing it was just me and my family and friends that were reading, yet three years later I am still writing as if it is still just for us. I forget how fast the written word can travel, and how vast, yet small the Internet has made the world. A blog is a powerful tool.
I have had a difficult couple of months in my personal life and it has left me somewhat fragile. I write everything here and have received much needed support, coaching, understanding, and humor from people all over the world. When I get blessings from Israel, hugs from England, concern from New Zealand, and letters from a single mother in Wales who takes strength from my stories, I am lifted up and feel humbled by the love.
When you write about your life people relate to the stories in a way that makes them relate to you. People write to tell me they have experienced the same things as me, and that it helps them feel safe and less alone. I also have many people write to say they do not agree, and their emails can be frightening, but they all provoke conversation and inspire me to write without fear and use my most truthful and heartfelt voice.
Writing about my life makes it fuller. Writing about my dates makes it funnier. Writing about my relationships, makes it challenging. I am going to continue to write about my life as a mother, a Jew, how I see the world, and things happening in it, but I am not going to write about the men that I have a relationship with. I am not a relationship expert, but writing about men in this way is not a topic that makes me feel comfortable.
There are certainly things to be shared, but also things to be kept private. Relationships are hard and require work. It took my experiencing heartache to realize that too much attention is not good. I have been blessed to raise a good man, love great men, and have great men love me. I know in my heart that I will find love again. When I do, I will share that it has been found, but the details will rest safely in my heart, not my blog.
I have made mistakes along the way and lessons have been learned. Blogging when you have a broken heart is cathartic, but perhaps not wise. Meeting someone wonderful when you are not ready is a boost to a fragile ego, but sadly not wise. Reacting quickly is a release, but definitely not wise. The hardest lesson to learn is to be quiet and reflect, not speak. I need to get better at that so I am trying, and keeping the faith.
May 4, 2013 | 7:50 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
After a week of online dating I feel I must lend a helping hand to the men who are online trying to meet a nice woman. By men of course I mean man, because in the sea of men available online, I imagine that only one in a million is actually looking for something more than a booty call. Do I sound bitter? Well there you go. I am a little bitter I suppose, but bitter is the new black and I am rocking my bitterness in the form of a sense of humor.
There are lovely men online to be sure, the problem is that they are not dating, they are shopping on Amazon or looking up the NFL draft results. Online dating men are an interesting group of people. They will freely tell you you’re beautiful, share what they’d like to do to your body, divulge their phone numbers, emails, and admit that they lie about their age. I’m guessing women dating online have their own shtick, but I’ll focus on men.
As a public service I would like to point out the top five things that men who date online should stop doing. I’m not a dating professional, but I am a woman who dates online, and I know stuff. I know a lot of stuff actually and I am enlightening you from a place of concern. I want everyone to find love and someone to share their lives with. I also want the men who engage in these particular items to stop writing me. Seriously. Please stop.
Important to note that these are listed in no particular order. They are equally offensive and should be corrected as soon as possible. There are a lot of crazy women online, but you will increase your chances of finding one that is relatively “normal”, if you refrain from these things. I must also clarify that finding “normal” online may in fact be an urban myth. It’s all a crap shoot, but at the end of the day at least we’re trying.
1) Don’t say that The Notebook is your favorite movie because we know you are lying. You’re favorite movie is The Godfather, and you are trying to make us think you are romantic and sensitive. It is a great movie, one of my favorites, but it is a chick flick and your saying it is your favorite makes you creepy.
2) Don’t post selfie pictures taken in the bathroom with your shirt off and the toilet in the background. We don’t want to see you without your shirt on in the bathroom with the flash distorting your left nipple. If you don’t have a recent picture of yourself you may have just gotten out of prison.
3) Don’t list your age as 52 if you are really 58. If someone is going to date a man who is 52, you’ve got a good shot that she will jump a few years to 58, but listing yourself as younger, then admitting that you did it in order to make it onto more searches, make you a liar. Date younger women, but own your age.
4) If you live in Virginia, don’t write a woman in Los Angeles and ask her if she’d like to call you, then grab a drink in three months when you visit LA. Translation: You are married, coming to LA on business, and rather than go to the trouble of finding a hooker, you want to line it up to save some time.
5) Do not ever mention your sexual prowess in an online profile, or your initial contact with a woman. While we may want to someday know that you have a “healthy sexual appetite”, or that you want us to help “unleash your beast”, if you mention it too soon, or ever, we will think you are a sexual deviant.
All five of these things come directly from my first week of online dating, and I am left laughing at the men who engaged in this behavior. Online dating is not natural, not fun, not interesting, and not a complete waste of time. Love can be found. It can be found faster of you do not do these five things. Even faster if you drink. Good luck and keep the faith.
May 3, 2013 | 8:09 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I had a date with the Israeli last night. In fact, we actually had 3 dates. We met for a drink. Simple and casual, with a definite connection, so we continued onto dinner and date #2. After four hours together, we were not quite ready to part ways, so we went out for a nightcap, and date #3. Over the course of the evening we decided that he would be referred to in my blogs as “Iron Killer”. It made sense at the moment as it is an inside joke, but this morning, upon reflection, I am going to call him “Iron Man”.
Iron Man is a superhero. A powerful and insanely handsome presence. He was in charge, but allowed me to think I was. He was thoughtful, attentive, and funny. He also did the one thing that I find so sexy and important. When he opened a door and I walked first, he put his hand on the small of my back to guide me through. I have always thought that was a romantic gesture and he did it naturally, which made me flutter. He is very tall and when I stood next to him I felt like a little girl being protected by a giant. He is a superhero, and so you will know him simply as Iron Man.
I met Iron Man a week ago on JDate. Over the course of a week we became acquainted by sharing stories and getting to know each other on the phone. Important to note that he is geographically undesirable. He not only lives in another city, but he lives in anther state. Not ideal, but it’s only an hour flight away so not that dramatic. After a week of talking he flew to Los Angeles to take me out. On one hand it was like a scary Lifetime movie about a killer who finds his victims online, but on the other hand it was romantic, and oddly normal that he would come to see me. He said distance was irrelevent, there was no reason for us not to meet, and he was coming.
Once I saw him, and could match his voice to his face, it was very comfortable. I was a little intimidated by how handsome he was and found myself staring. A lot. He laughs easily and when he does, he gets lines around his eyes that make him look sexy. He has a dimple that makes me swoon, and eyes that seem to mysteriously change between blue and green. I thought he was fabulous on the phone, and while looks are not important in the big scheme of things, attraction matters and I was magnetically attracted to him. My nerves changed from anxious to excited.
Iron Man is his most appealing when he is talking about his three daughters. There is a twinkle in his eyes and when he pulled out his phone to show me pictures of them, I officially had a crush on him. He is 52 years old, but has the soul of a man who has lived for hundreds of years. He is a thinker and shares his knowledge and experiences freely. He is a pleaser with a happy but somewhat intense disposition. He has loved and lost, had joy and sorrow, and you can see it all spinning around in his head. He chooses words carefully and there is meaning in what he says.
I like to learn new things and would always rather be a student than a teacher, and with Iron Man I felt like there was a lot to learn. Not only about him, but about me. He has a calm but complicated worldview that I find fascinating. To hear him speak of Israel is compelling, to hear him speak of politics is interesting, and to hear him speak of himself is mesmerizing. I also felt that not only could I learn a lot from someone like him, he could learn a lot from someone like me. We have begun a friendship and I feel like it is something special.
When we finally ended our night I was sad to see him go. I am flattered he flew in just to see me, and I look forward to seeing him again. It was the perfect first date in that it ended with a second and third date. He is a lovely man. I think his feelings about our time together were the same as mine, but one never knows I suppose. He is heading to Israel soon to visit his children and I hope I will see him before he goes. I woke up today feeling excited about him. Iron Man has been a pleasant surprise and I hope he felt the same way, so I am keeping the faith.