Posted by Ilana Angel
“People are talkin, talkin ‘bout people.” Bonnie Raitt
My Mom is awesome. She is funny, cool, intelligent, kind, a beautiful mother, and a phenomenal writer. She loves her job. Whether it is motherly duties, or giving her opinion, she is very good at both, especially the mother part.
My parents have been divorced for as long as I can remember. It is hard most definitely, but it is manageable. It has its ups and its downs, like everything does. One of the best ups is the fact that my mum and me have been given the blessing of long periods of alone time. It is because of that we have become such good friends and formed such a tight bond.
I can’t even imagine the difficulties of being a single mom. Providing for yourself and a child. Having to know that the money you are making is feeding two mouths and keeping two people warm. Money is hard to come by these days. Because of that I wonder why anyone would want somebody else to lose his or her job.
Everybody has opinions. It is human nature. What I don’t understand is why because you don’t agree with somebody’s opinion, do you want them to suffer? My mom is an amazing writer. I have read quite a few of her blogs and I do not see the problem. Sure, sometimes opinions can be harsh, but that is how she feels.
She never wishes anyone hardship. Why someone would do that to her is unknown to me. Her columns are well written and funny. You don’t agree with them, you either keep your feelings to yourself or express them politely. Not in a rude way that can really hurt peoples feelings.
I don’t have a Twitter account and my mom won’t let me see hers, but today when I got home from school she seemed sad so I asked her what was wrong and she told me Twitter hurt her feelings. I know reality TV makes people a little nuts, and other bloggers can be crazy.
I also know my mom has worked hard, and if something makes her sad, I want to get rid of that thing. My mom is not sitting home writing a blog for fun. I mean it is fun for her, but it is also her job. Today it’s my job. I am writing this because I want to have my voice heard.
Since I can’t get Twitter shut down any time soon, I can tell the people who are mean to my mom to rethink their actions. If you don’t like what my mother writes don’t read it. I have been raised to be kind and so I will try to be kind here even though I am angry.
To the people who are attacking my mom, please leave her alone and to the people who want her fired, what if she were your mother? Would you feel the same way? I don’t know if I believe in karma but if I did, and was trying to get someone fired I’d be worried right about now.
Mom, you are smart, successful, and beautiful so just deal with the fact that you are cool so you will have haters. You write for a well respected and important paper to not only our Jewish community but beyond. Your voice is important and what you write is good.
This blog probably won’t help, and people might now be mad at me but to quote you mom “Whatever”. The point here is for you to know I have your back. When they hurt you they hurt me, so we are in this together because together we are stronger.
I love you Ilana Angel. I was thinking about what you would tell me if the tables were turned and I think I can nail it so here it goes. Keep writing, keep me close, keep it real and no matter what anyone says to hurt your feelings, keep the faith.
Son of Ilana Angel
The Brilliant Jewish Journal Writer
5.19.13 at 5:43 pm | JDate should be more of a mensch.
5.17.13 at 5:27 pm | I am never going on another coffee date.
5.14.13 at 4:36 pm | Love needs a kick in the ass.
5.11.13 at 12:44 pm | My Mom gets the day off because this one is on me.
5.9.13 at 4:10 pm | Love s certainly a game, but it does not need to. . .
5.7.13 at 7:41 pm | Some questions simply cannot be answered.
5.14.13 at 4:36 pm | Love needs a kick in the ass. (532)
5.17.13 at 5:27 pm | I am never going on another coffee date. (317)
5.7.13 at 7:41 pm | Some questions simply cannot be answered. (138)
March 26, 2012 | 7:10 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
It poured rain in Los Angeles for most of Sunday. It is now Monday and it is still raining. This city does not do well in the rain. Those of us who came here from places with actual weather are easily separated from the natives because for the most part, we are the ones who know how to drive.
I was rushing to get out of the house so I could drop my son to the movies. I went ahead to start the car and I thought my son was right behind me, but 5 minutes later he was still not in the car so I started to call him on his cell phone. Then all of a sudden I see him running to the car in the rain.
He is holding a small mesh garbage can and has a look of panic on his face. He opened the door and jumped into the car screaming, “Look what I found Mom!” In the wastebasket was a bird. He was slightly larger than a golf ball and absolutely beautiful. He was very tiny and very scared.
The Prince and the Sparrow is my favorite cartoon from childhood and I instantly loved this bird. I named him Jack, after Jack Sparrow, and started to panic about what exactly I was going to do with baby bird, in the pouring rain, with my son’s movie starting in 20 minutes.
As I begin to freak out, my son’s friends arrived, so now I have a full car of kids, a hurt bird, it’s pouring rain, and I need to get to the movies. My son, who is a cross between Dr. Doolittle and Ghandi, is talking to the bird with a soothing voice in an attempt to keep him calm.
I get the kids to the movie on time, assure my son I will take care of the bird and send them on their way. I am now sitting in the car, in a torrential downpour, looking at Jack. We are staring at each other, sizing each other up, and both a little panicked. It was an emotional moment.
He was looking at me with trust and I started to cry. I kicked into action because Jack needed me. I turned on the heat in the car so he would not be cold, or slip into shock. I spoke to him as if he was a baby and I started to call all the vets in the neighborhood looking for help.
I spoke to 4 different veterinary offices and none would help. They did not handle birds and he was not welcome. I asked why, if an animal was in need, they could not help, and I was repeatedly told, “We’re not that kind of Vet.” Really? Not the kind of Vet that helps animals?
I am now pissed. I promised my son I would help but nobody wants to help me. I was nice to the first Vet, annoyed with the second Vet, flabbergasted by the third Vet and completely pissed off by the fourth Vet. I am trying to explain they have an obligation to help but they don’t get it.
How is it that a doctor of veterinary medicine is not willing to help out an animal in need? If I cut myself and found a doctor on the street that happened to be an internist, would he leave me to bleed because he is not the type of doctor that deals with cuts? Where is the compassion?
It has now been 20 minutes and I am worried Jack will go into shock, so I figure I will start calling bird stores. I do a Google search and figured I would call the list until someone is willing to help me. The first place I called was the PERFECT PARROT in Toluca Lake, where I spoke with Peter.
I explained to Peter about Jack, and that no Vet would take him. He was kind and told me to bring Jack over and he would figure something out. He told me to turn the heat on in the car so he’d be warm and to head over. I told him I was on my way and he assured me it would be fine.
When I got there, and before I could get out of my car, Peter ran out in the pouring rain. I showed him Jack and he could not of been nicer. He told me he would take him and call a person he knew who worked with wildlife. He said not to worry, and promised he’d call with an update.
This lovely man, who is not a Vet, decided the life of this bird was worth something and even if he could not help him himself, he was going to find someone who could. Peter took Jack into the shop with a wave and encouraging thumbs up, while I drove off in the torrential rain.
I got a call from Peter a short while later with an update. Jack was going to be fine, and he was keeping him in isolation at the store until he was well enough to fly, then he would release him. This little bird, that nobody wanted to help, would be out and about shortly, flying and healthy.
What kind of Vet does not help an animal? It’s all quite sad. I get that it was a Sunday, the weather sucked, and it was a wild animal, but what does it say about a doctor whose job it is to help animals, is willing to let one die over at the very least, keeping him safe until Monday?
To Peter at the Perfect Parrot, thank you. What you did was really wonderful and I am happy he is going to be fine. Your kindness and concern for both the bird and me was lovely. You showed me I need to find a new Vet, and that you can find people who care if you keep the faith.
UPDATE: Jack Sparrow recovered with some tender loving care and fresh worms. He is a happy and healthy bird and was released into Griffith Park. His little face touched my heart and I feel blessed to have been able to find Peter. He is a truly lovely bird and his life matters.
March 25, 2012 | 3:49 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I finally got around to watching the HBO film “Game Change” and it was interesting. By interesting of course I mean if you are into tabloid television, it is really interesting. I happen to love me a little tabloid folic so it was good fun. That said, it was fluff and I didn’t take it too seriously.
The actual footage from the McCain /Palin campaign was nicely included, but did they really think we were going to believe the scenes with Sarah and Todd talking to each other in bed? Really? Even stupid people are not that dumb. That said, it altered my view of McCain and Palin.
Let’s take the politics out of the equation and just talk about the people. Keeping in mind that this movie was a Hollywood story not a documentary, you cannot alter the fact that John McCain is a hero. This man has put his life on the line for our freedom and that is a truly remarkable thing.
As for Game Change, when Palin goes to see him after they lose the election and he blows off her speaking, then comes back to tell her she did great, I loved him. She helped tarnish his image, yet he thanked her and was gracious. They ended the film with a decent, kind, and warm McCain.
When the film showed Palin greeting kids with special needs it was lovely, and when she spoke to her son in Iraq I cried. Think what you want about Palin, you cannot deny there is something magical about her. I have met Sarah and can tell you her charisma is palpable.
The older I get the more I find myself having more conservative views. I will always believe in a woman’s right to choose, I will always support gay marriage, and I will always believe that when choosing who is best to run my country, I must choose the best person not the best political party.
I will never vote for John McCain or Sarah Palin. I would however shake their hands, embrace them, and let them know that while as politicians they scare the crap out of me, as people I think they are fascinating I admire them both in different ways for different reasons.
Game Change was a great way to spend a rainy afternoon. It had some compelling moments, and some scenes than humanized people that many people categorize as villains. The world of politics is scary because it is personal. The decisions of our fellow man carve out our future.
I like politics and am never one to shy away from discussing them. In this election year I will be my most informed. I have been reading and listening more, which makes the entire process more important and more personal. Every voice matters and I value mine.
In the end Game Change reminds us voting counts. It also reminded me John McCain is a hero who made an unfortunate choice, and Sarah Palin was in over her head. That said, and with politics aside, I liked them both. Don’t waste your vote. Educate yourself, and the keep faith.
March 24, 2012 | 8:20 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
There has certainly been a lot going on lately, and while all of these subjects deserve an article all to themselves, I am in Mommy mode this week and with my child’s insane schedule, I have opted to throw them all into one blog. It makes sense really because the one piece that connects these 4 things together, is being a douchebag. So, this is a blog about douchebags.
Geraldo Rivera was a bit of a loser this week. By loser of course I mean total douchebag. In an interview on Fox he said that part of the blame for the murder of Trayvon Martin lies in his wearing a hoodie. Important to note that I am wearing a hoodie right now. I also sent my 16 year old son out with his friends in a hoodie today. Hoodies don’t kill people moron.
Trayvon was killed by George Zimmerman, a member of neighborhood watch, on his way home from a convenience store. An innocent child is dead, they know who killed him, and no arrest has been made. I feel bad for both the Zimmerman and Martin families, and I resent Geraldo using the tragic death of this child to get his name out there.
Geraldo is an idiot, but he’s not stupid. There is no way he did not know this would piss people off. I get his need to feel relevant, but a child is dead and to imply it was not because of an overzealous idiot who thinks he is the law, but a jacket, is offensive to Martin’s family. Have they not had to suffer enough? How do his remarks help anyone?
Geraldo Rivera said something provocative to propel his name into the news around a story that is grabbing headlines. In the end he embarrassed himself and his family. Thank you Geraldo. You brought attention to a story that needs to be told, and proved to my son’s generation what my generation has always known, Geraldo Rivera is a douchebag.
Kim Kardashian was out hocking her 4th bottle of crap smelling perfume, when a woman who is against fur, dumped a bag of flour on her. Sidebar: It was awesome since I happen to think that many of things that are wrong with our world can be blamed on a Kardashian. Kim quickly ran off to safety and the woman was detained by security.
Kim came back a short time later, all cleaned up and ready to finish out the event. She was doing the launch in collaboration with Dress For Success, which is a great charity. She went on and on about how she came back to the party because it was about the charity, not her, and she did not want to disappoint any of the people who had worked so hard.
She then called TMZ and told Harvey Levin she was not pressing charges because it was not worth her time. She was shocked someone who is fighting for kindness to animals, was unkind, but I didn’t really listen that closely because her voice makes my brain ache. She went on and on to Harvey about how she was not going to press charges.
Harvey applauded her for going back to the event, and laughed when she joked about not having it in her to deal with another lawsuit. She sounded almost normal, and for a nanosecond one could assume she was decent. Cut to today and word is she is pressing charges. This chick would sue God if it meant more press. Kim Kardashian is a douchebag.
I have been following the story of John Goodman, the billionaire from Florida who got hammered, killed a young man while DUI, then in an attempt to protect his vast fortune, adopted his 42 year old girlfriend so she would be his daughter and he could give her his money so it would not be touched in any lawsuit from the family of the victim.
Goodman surpasses douchebag status and jumps straight to douchelord. He had the balls to say in court that the accident happened because of a car defect. Important to note he was driving a Bentley worth over $200K not a 67 Chevy with it’s 9th transmission. This man, this horrible and disgusting man, was found guilty of DUI manslaughter. Amen.
Scott Wilson was 23 years old and an engineering student. He had his whole life ahead of him, and Goodman, decided that his life did not matter. He hit him and left him to die. Would Scott have lived had Goodman stayed and called for help? We will never know, but Goodman will be able to think about it while he rots in jail, with his pal Bubba, who wears a hoodie.
I cannot mention John Goodman without talking about his attorney Roy Black for a minute. This guy is also a douchelord. He is filing an appeal of course and that is shameful. He and he reality housewife hag should be ashamed. He is an ambulance chaser which is ironic since his loser client never bothered to call an ambulance to help Scott Wilson.
Goodman’s girlfriend/daughter now has his money, will dump him, his kids will not speak to him because they are pissed about their new sister, and perhaps the Wilson family can have some peace that justice was served. I’m not sure what the justice is though. Sending a douchebag to prison is not justice, it’s just right. John Goodman is a douchebag.
Just when I thought I would never understand the world we live in, I am given yet another reason to roll my eyes. There is a list being passed around on Twitter that claims to out the top rated bullies on Twitter, and I have made the list. I don’t know the person is who made the list, or why I am on it, but there I am, a top bully on Twitter.
I think the list is funny because the woman they listed as the #1 bully is actually quite lovely. We’ll call her “Bea”, and let me just say she is the Switzerland of Twitter. She is friendly with lots of people, follows people that don’t follow each other, and pretty much minds her own business. I knew the list was silly when I saw Bea had secured the top spot.
I’m not a bully on Twitter, or in real life. I’m a mom, daughter, friend, Jew, writer, and occasionally a bitch. I imagine I am there by association and that’s okay. People need something to do, so if making a list fulfills them in some way who am I to judge it or try to take it away from them? I would simply ask those who are responsible for the list, why?
I recently got a series of angry, hate filled emails from a woman we’ll call “Ada”. She wrote to tell me that someone who follows me on Twitter was being mean to her and I needed to help her because she was Jewish. It was a little odd. I let her know I am a writer, not a Jewish peacemaker, so she was on her own and I wished her luck.
Important to note that Twitter is very, very scary. There are people with multiple accounts and one can love you on one account, but their 2nd, 3rd, or 4th alias hates you. I can’t keep it all straight so rather than try to figure it out, I try to keep my head down, do my work, and engage with the people have met who are genuinely lovely and inherently kind.
I think my shunning of Ada and her ask for help is what got me on the list. I have to wonder what the hell kind of lives these women have to spend so much time figuring out new ways to make Twitter miserable for so many. I also wonder if the inventors of Twitter are aware or give a crap about the hate that happens on their site. I’m guessing no.
I’m not innocent of course as I have been unkind to a woman on Twitter we’ll call “Lee”. She is, in my opinion, not well and on a personal path to hurt me. She has and continues to be quite horrible to me and I have lashed out from a place of hurt, fear, and anger. I’m human after all, but I am trying to feel compassion for her as she is not of stable mind.
There is no live and let live mentality on Twitter. It’s more of a kill or be killed vibe. To the people who have created the list I would suggest they channel their anger away from the list and towards John Goodman, Geraldo Rivera and Kim Kardashian. Goodman is a killer, Rivera is a moron, and Kim has more money than God, so get pissed in that direction.
It is embarrassing that while two mothers are grieving the deaths of their beloved sons, someone needed to make a list. If you really want to put me on a list, put me on the “Bloggers Who Deserve a Date With George Clooney” list. Life is fragile so get some perspective. We are all in this together. Don’t be a douchebag, just put your weapons down and start keeping the faith.
March 21, 2012 | 10:52 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Online dating kings Match.com, eharmony.com and Spark Network, which owns and operates JDate, have agreed to start screening for sex offenders, in addition to other “safety precautions”, in order to help their clients. Their goal is to help their consumers guard against sexual predators, identity thieves, and people trying to scam money. While it’s lovely and will maybe help people, I’m not that impressed or excited about it.
I am currently using dating sites and while in theory these changes are important, the best way to be safe when dating online is to not be delussion by love. They can sign all the papers they want, but it won’t help us be safe as much as we can help ourselves. They need to be held accountable I guess, but I’m not sure this is going to help us. That said, if I were someone naive who had no common sense, I might be stoked about this development.
Attorney General Kamala D. Harris said, “Consumers should be able to use websites without the fear of being scammed or targeted.” The sites will check members against the national sex registry, provide safety tips, and show people how to report abuse. Important to note that this only applies to members, not perverts who are just looking at the sites. There are also no penalties if you get caught being a deviant.
I have been out with men I met online who had made me feel unsafe so I ended the date. Nobody gets my number until I check them out, and I block my number when calling them. Nobody comes to my house, and I meet in places I know, and am known. I take care of myself because it is my responsibility to me, and my obligation to my child. My question is this: Will these new policies stop married men from saying they are divorced?
Last year an estimated 40 million people around the world dated online, and over one billion dollars was spent on memberships. If they are making that much money can they not do more than run a search against a database that may or may not catch someone? Are safety pointers going to help? It’s sweet of them, but honestly I just don’t know if this is going to keep me safe. That said, there are people who may benefit.
I have met convicted felons online. Men who have done prison time for drug trafficking, embezzlement, and forgery. Lovely men, but convicted felons who were cute enough that I’m sure they had a couple dates with Bubba in the big house. I know this about them because I ask questions. Use your intuition. You’d be surprised how many people will be honest when answering the question, “Are you a convicted felon?” if you just ask.
We can put men on the moon and talk face to face with people on the other side of the planet through our phones, but we cannot make online dating safe. There will always be some animal who cracks the system, some pig who thinks it is okay to treat us disrespectfully, or somebody who wants to dupe you into giving you their money. The bottom line when dating online is to trust yourself more than you trust a stranger.
To be clear, this development is important from the perspective of letting people know they are being watched, but whether or not it will make a difference remains to be seen. In the end it’s all a crapshoot. You can be married for 20 years and have your spouse take all your money, steal your identity, and abuse you sexually. People can’t always be trusted whether you know them or they are strangers. That’s life.
I’m not that interested in their safety tips, but am very curious about who exactly is going to write them. If they are going to get the 21 year old with a steady boyfriend who’s first job out of college is press for an online dating site, then the tips will be useless. If they are going to talk to people who have actually dated online and had hits and misses, then maybe they will actually be able to help somebody.
Dating is really hard. I date because I am looking to share my life with someone. I often worry I will talk myself into someone because I am lonely, or so fed up with bad dates that I will a bad one to be good. There is someone out there for everyone and sometimes it takes time to find them. We must be patient, believe in ourselves, throw in an occasional prayer, not allow desperation to creep in, and always keep the faith.
March 21, 2012 | 10:57 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I have been shaken to my core with the killings in France this week. I cannot wrap my head around a man walking up to children and killing them at point blank range. I am proudly Jewish but these killings have scared me and made me nervous. I am fearful of the world and that’s not cool.
News out of France today is that the 24 year old killer is turning himself in. The man identified at Mohamed Merah, has allegedly killed 7 people in the name of al-Qaida. He is a member of an ideological Islamic group in France, but his group is not a part of plotting any attacks or killings.
It is sad because while this man is a Muslim, that is not why he killed people. There is hate in the world to be sure, but this man acted alone and it won’t matter. It will be another Muslim against Jews debate and all Muslims will be labeled as hateful killers, and that is heartbreaking.
Merah does not act on behalf of the Muslim world, I don’t speak on behalf of all Jews, and Shahs of Sunset is not a documentary on the Persian/American experience. We have got to start being decent to one another or we seriously have no shot in hell of being a civilized society.
The amount of hate in the world breaks my heart. I work really hard to raise my son to be a decent and kind human being. I am a believer that he can change the world one day, but perhaps rather than hope he makes a difference, I should just hope he gets through unscathed.
I raised him to be proud of his faith and now I want him to be careful when talking about it. I taught him to be kind to strangers in need, and now I want him to avoid strangers. The world is changing how I raise my son and that is a very sad commentary on the society we live in.
People are mean. By people of course I include myself. My blogs are often not nice and I’m sure hurt peoples feelings, but there is a difference between mean and hate. You don’t kill a child to be mean, you kill a child because you are full of hate. Hate destroys everything.
I feel sad for this man in France who chose to live his life with hate, and in doing so, took the lives of others. What a sad and lonely life he has led, and his future will now be spent hating even more. Sadly I don’t think his hate will ever include himself because hate has no conscience.
When my son and I discussed the killings in France he asked me why so many people hate Jews. I had no answer. When he asked me if I was happy I was Jewish, I told him I was happy, blessed and proud to be Jewish and he should be too. I imagine his question came from fear.
I am reflective today about life, love, hate and faith. My life is blessed and instead of being sad, I am going to pray. I am praying for a lot of things, namely the world. The Torah says we cannot explain either the suffering of the righteous or the happiness of the wicked.
I read Torah when I am conflicted in my life and it helps me. Perhaps the lesson here is that I should read it more often. At the end of the day I am a Jew and have thousands of years of history to lean on. I am a Jew. I am proud. I am not afraid. I am keeping the faith.
March 19, 2012 | 9:34 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
It has been an interesting 24 hours. A series of events have made me examine my life and the future of my child. It has also made me look at how I am living. Life is fragile, the world is unstable, and no dream should ever be left unfulfilled. I want to live bigger and better.
I love writing and my blogs at The Jewish Journal are pure joy for me. I write about my life as a divorced middle aged woman, raising a boy to be a man, my search for love, and reality TV. The people I have connected with have brought me immeasurable joy and support.
When I get an email from a woman on the other side of the world telling me she understands, I cry. When I am at Starbucks and someone in line tells me to keep the faith, I cry. When I sit in front of my computer after a bad date sharing the story with strangers, I laugh. It is a blessing.
Yesterday I heard from a woman who reads my blog and follows me on Twitter, that her 22 year old stepson, the only child of her husband, was killed in Kuwait. I have never met this woman, but I know her. We talk everyday, even if it’s just to say hello. She is lovely.
How does one deal with losing a child? How can you ever overcome the grief? This young man, this hero, was overseas protecting us all and in doing so lost his life. My reaction to the loss of this boy has been powerful. I cannot stop crying. It is a tragic loss of life.
I tweeted my support to my friend and heard from another follower. She is a pretty girl who I thought lived in New York. I’m not sure why I thought that, but we may have had a conversation about snow at some point since I’m Canadian and I know snow. I was wrong about her location.
She wrote to tell me she was in Kuwait. She is in the Air Force, and reads my blogs about reality television. They make her laugh, keep her connected to home, and bring her joy. How strange to have head about a death in Kuwait at the same time I heard my work mattered in Kuwait.
When chatting she told me she would be sent home in May. May seems like years away and I just want her home. I want all those who are serving our country to come home. I don’t want one more life to be lost. It’s enough already. Bring them home. Life and death are very sad in Kuwait.
While dealing with the loss of this boy, and worry for a woman I do not know, I was attacked on Twitter for my blog. I wrote that I liked a reality show and was slammed. Then some woman, who is clearly in need of some medication, said I was the cause of her problems.
I really don’t pay that much attention to Twitter. There is one woman who follows me who seems to have a photographic memory in terms of every person, all their aliases, and what they have said and to who. For me it’s not like that. I honestly don’t remember what anyone says.
Does the fact that Persians are on television really matter in the big scheme of things? If someone was mean to you on Twitter, and that person follows us both, is it my fault? If you are delusional and need to be medicated to get through the day, can that be linked to my blog?
When people are dying for your right to say what you want, do you really want to pick a fight with me about reality television? What is happening to this world that television is the cause for so much hate between strangers? When did we stop being decent and start being cowardly?
Today in France, a man entered into a Jewish school and killed a young Rabbi, two of his young children, and another child. Four people are dead, and one teenage boy is in critical condition. While the investigation is just starting, they were gunned down because they were Jewish.
My heart is broken about this tragedy and I find myself unable to stop crying. I picked my son up from school today and hugged him for 17 minutes, while sobbing. Life is fragile so why do I have to worry not only about the craziness of our world, but about my faith?
I have spent sixteen years raising my child to embrace and respect our faith. I put him through ten years of Jewish Day School by myself, and want him to be proud, but today I am scared and want him to be Jewish in private. That breaks my heart in a profound way.
I am Jewish. I am proudly Jewish, and yet I find myself scared today. There is a cloud over me and I cannot shake it. There are not that many reasons to not like me because truth be told I’m a great person. That said, the last reason to not like me is because I am Jewish.
I believe in God. I believe in love. I believe in peace. I believe in dreams. I believe in tomorrow. I am sad. I am scared. I am lonely. I am hopeful. I am happy. I am aware. It’s been a sad 24 hours for the world. I’m just trying to get by some days, and today was rough.
To my friend who lost her boy, you are in my prayers. To the woman serving in Kuwait, you are in my prayers. To the souls lost in France, you are in my prayers. To those who hate me because I use my voice, you are in my prayers. I am praying, and I am keeping the faith.
March 15, 2012 | 10:08 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I had two dates last week with two completely different men. While both lovely, they could not be more opposite. Date #1 was with a financial advisor. He is just shy of 6 feet tall, has a full head of salt and pepper hair, dark brown eyes, divorced with 3 kids, and 56 years old. He is attractive, sweet, and painfully shy.
To be fair, it might be that he was just shy with me, and he could be a brilliant conversationalist with someone else, but with me it was difficult. Our conversation was slow and awkward which is hard for me. I can talk to anyone. I am a good talker so to have a situation like this is odd because I don’t run into this problem often.
This man just had nothing to say, and while I’d like to think my beauty left him speechless, the fact is he is could not carry a conversation, or make eye contact with me. He is successful so I assume he is simply better with numbers than he is with people. On paper we are a great match, but in person it all fell horribly flat.
The second date was with a man who is my same height, 52 years old, owns his own business, has a brilliant English accent, very short hair, and gorgeous blue eyes. He is divorced with two kids, has a gentle soul, a strong presence, and made me flutter. While he does not look like men I usually date, his personality was killer and his manners were perfect.
Our conversation flowed easily, was fun and funny. He made me laugh, made me think, and we got deep. We talked about everything. We fell into a rhythm easily and it was wonderful. I have not had that with a date for a while. He felt like my friend. A friend who also happens to be a great kisser. Yup. We kissed, and it was great.
The interesting thing about my date with #2, is when I first saw him I thought he was cute, but by the time we finished, I thought he was handsome. Our connection made me see him in a different light. We spoke on the phone last night for hours and it felt like minutes. It is a pleasure to have things be easy with someone.
The funny thing is when I went out with #1, it was Saturday night so I got dolled up, and felt pretty, but he never said I looked nice. For #2, it was lunch, I was in the middle of writing a story and was not really into the date. I threw on jeans, some lip gloss, and brushed my hair. The first thing he told me was that I was pretty.
Both men were Jewish and while not at the same level of observance as I am, they were both menschy and felt safe to me. I don’t know why I feel safer dating Jewish men, but I do. It is my culture, my faith, and how I define my relationship with God, so it just matters. I met two lovely Jewish men this week and one has some potential.
I read an article today by Rabbi Ariel Bar Tzadok about soulmates. I believe in a soulmate. A Beshert that I am destined for. God willing we each get more than one because I feel like my ex-husband was my Beshert. We have a remarkable child together and he is equal parts of us both, so he was my Beshert when it came to motherhood.
I am hoping that I will now find a Beshert for me. I go on every date thinking it could be my last first date. If I didn’t, I would not have the strength to date. After a series of bad dates, #2 was just what I needed. It was a great date, a great kiss, and a great feeling. I’m not saying he is my Beshert, but he was a great date.
Writing a column about searching for love is not very helpful in my search for love. One could argue that writing about my personal life will turn off a man who may be interested. I would counter that the man who can handle it is the man who will win my heart. I’m not sharing dirt or private things, just my opinion, of my life, and it’s all good.
Date #2 is away for spring break with his youngest child and will be gone for a couple of weeks. We will see each other when he gets back and I’m excited. I don’t know if he is my Beshert, and frankly it does not matter. I know he made me laugh, made my heart flutter, and most importantly, reminded me that life is better when I keep the faith.