August 10, 2011 | 9:07 am

We Have a New Winner! Worst Online Date Ever

Posted by Ilana Angel

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I should have known better than to go on JDate again.  I have never had luck there, and after quitting for good, I joined for one month because Jill Zarin of the Real Housewives of New York City told me I needed to give it another shot.  I love you Jill, but huge mistake.

While looking around last week, amazed that the men are using the same pictures they did years ago when I was on, I got an instant message from a guy we’ll call “Loser”.  He said hello and we emailed for a few minutes.  We then decided we would talk on the phone.

Loser and I spoke on the phone for 3 hours.  We laughed and learned a little bit about each other and I felt confident I had met someone I wanted to know better.  We talked several times over the next couple of days and made plans to meet for dinner.

Last night we met at a restaurant he suggested.  Our date was set for 7:30.  He texted me at exactly 7:30 to say he was there and was I still coming.  A little odd, but whatever.  I texted that I was on my way, and I arrived at 7:32.  He was waiting outside.

He gave me a hug, kiss on the cheek and we went in.  We sat down at the sushi bar and he pointed out that I was late.  I apologized for being 2 minutes late and so the date began.  He then went on to tell me, after 3 minutes together, that I was funnier and more open on the phone.

I was not sure what he meant and asked him why he felt that way, and he told me he just felt I was better over the phone than in person.  I’m not sure what one is supposed to do with that information, so I let it go.  He then complained about the portion size of the sushi rolls.

We had been together for 10 minutes at this point and I was not having a good time.  I felt uncomfortable and sadly it just got worse from there.  When we spoke on the phone I told him I had tattoos.  When noticed my one small but visible tattoo, he said it made me look slutty.

He then went into detail about how only slutty women have tattoos, and I was a bad Jew.  He said he could never take me to meet his mother, as she would not approve of “a girl like me”.  His Jewish mother would be offended by my tats but his Catholic ex-girlfriend was okay?

Speaking of his ex-girlfriend, he spoke at great length about her and their break up on the phone. It had been 6 months and he was totally over her.  What he failed to mention on the phone, but told me at dinner, was that although no longer his girlfriend, they now lived together.

The man I spoke with on the phone did not come to dinner. Instead I was with a liar who was still in a relationship with his girlfriend, and thought I was a both a slut and a bad Jew.  Incase that was not enough to put me over the edge, he then asked me what size my bra was.

He asked me this question right after he told me I “had a nice rack”.  This was one classy guy.  By classy of course I mean he was rude, obnoxious, and a compulsive liar.  I lasted 32 minutes before I told him I was leaving.  He seemed genuinely surprised.

The same man, who when he asked me what perfume I was wearing, and I responded Stella McCartney, asked why I would wear perfume made by a woman with a wooden leg, this man was surprised that I was getting up and leaving him alone?  Really?  Come on.

I was amazed by how confused he was by my leaving.  I reminded him he was insulting and lied about everything.  He insisted that withholding information was not the same as lying, and therefore he had not lied.  I was either going to laugh or hit him, so I bailed.

I know it’s rude to walk out on someone, but I seriously could not stay.  He had lied about so many things that it was scary.  I feel bad that I left him there, but at the same time, the thought of sticking it out and having him walk me to the car was enough for me to set my manners aside.

The good news is that we were sitting next to a lovely couple.  She was an Israeli, who like me grew up in Canada.  We chatted a bit during my 32 minutes in hell and it turns out we both moved here from Toronto and knew some people in common.  She was the best part of my date.

I thanked Loser and turned to see the woman we had been talking to had left the sushi bar.  I told her husband, in Hebrew, I was leaving and to say goodbye to his wife.  He asked if I was okay, I assured him I was, and he told me his wife was outside smoking and I would see her.

I ended up sitting outside with the woman chatting about my date, JDate, and how hard it was to meet someone decent.  She was lovely and we ended up exchanging numbers and making a date for lunch.  She said she wants to set me up on a date so we’ll see how that goes.

It turns out, as I have long suspected, if you are a liar, you search for love on JDate.  I love Jill but I’m done.  1 week and 1 date on JDate is enough to put me over the edge. By walk away of course I mean run.  Is it wrong that I expect Jewish men to be a cut above others?  Yes.  Yes it is.

For any of my readers who date online, please allow me to help you understand the language of online dating.  Here are some common things you hear on a date, along with their translations in regular English. No point in you trying to figure out a code I have already broken.

Online Dating:  I may have withheld some information
Real Life:  I am a sociopathic liar
Online dating:  I am 5’10”
Real Life:  I am 5’5”
Online Dating: Tattoos are cool
Real Life: You look like a slut
Online Dating: Take your time and drive safe
Real Life: If you’re late I’m leaving
Online Dating: I broke up months ago
Real Life: My ex lives with me
Online Dating:  My ex and I are not together
Real Life:  I have a friend with benefits
Online Dating:  I’m one of the good guys
Real Life:  I’m hoping to get laid tonight

This date made me sad.  I can certainly laugh about it, but it made me sad.  I don’t understand why lying is an option, and being rude is okay.  When did being courteous and decent go out of style?  Why is it so hard to just tell the truth?  When did being alone become okay?

With each date I have I am hopeful that maybe it will be great, yet with each date that goes badly, I think that being alone is okay, and that is sad because for me, being alone is not okay.  I want to have a man in my life but honestly did not think it would be this hard to find a good one.

And so my online dating life continues.  I get a bit jaded each time, but luckily, also a little more hopeful.  As long as I can laugh about it, (and blog about it), I will not become bitter.  That said, bitter is the new black so who knows how my story will end.  All I can do is keep the faith.

August 8, 2011 | 8:24 pm

Manny Pacquiao, Floyd Mayweather Jr. & Boxing Gives Men Their Period

Posted by Ilana Angel

Yesterday I posted a blog about the battle between Manny and Floyd.  I am a huge fan of Manny as both a boxer and a man.  I have written of my love for Manny Pacquiao several times before and it was well received.  I got lovely emails from his fans and an outpouring of love from the Philippines.

Last weekend I was cleaning while listening to the song styling of the Pacman, which got me to thinking about Manny.  When I Googled him, the first story to come up was with Mayweather’s dad talking smack about how Manny did not want to fight Floyd.

I read several articles and in my own, made it very clear that I was a new fan to boxing, and that I loved Manny.  I simply questioned the articles I had read.  They were clearly from the perspective of the Mayweather camp, so I wrote asking for clarification.

Instead of reading the millions of articles, all of which have clearly picked a side, I thought I would ask the questions here, thinking boxing fans, impartial men who love the sport, would offer up an explanation as to why there was no definitive answers about why there has not been a fight.

My blog, which was more of a fishing expedition than a hardcore sports story, managed to turn grown men into a bunch of bitchy chicks who all got their period.  You can check out the comments and see for yourselves.  It’s quite entertaining to watch men get bitchy.

I was called names, attacked for no apparent reason, and boxing fans, from both sides, still could not give me answers.  As a fan, I am with Manny all the way, as for the rules of boxing and why there has never been a fight, I was asking for help in understanding, not picking a side.

While some tried to explain, others were mean, and some were just stupid.  Woman can be bitchy and men and can assholes but my blog managed to turn grown men into bitching assholes.  Quite an accomplishment.  I was about done with it all until I heard from a man names Joe.

Rather than comment on my blog, Joe decided to get in touch and explain it to me. Joe sent me the following email:

I’ve read your articles on Manny Pacquiao and found them quite insightful. From your writing, I gather that you’re quite intelligent and even more insightful then many sports writers/commentators because you’re open-minded and not pessimistic. I have a response to your question at the end of your article when you asked if you were failing to see why Manny wouldn’t just accept Floyd’s conditions. Hopefully this helps:

There’s a psychological and mental component to boxing (and sports) and competition, because competing and sports is ultimately about the human condition. The psychological component is just as important as the physical component (sometimes more so).

As a non-athlete, it may be hard to know that the best and most successful competitors (at least in sports) understand people really well, and that the game/match/fight is also a psychological battle. Whoever wins the psychological battle, that is, whomever gets the upper hand psychologically and mentally will most likely win the fight/match. A boxing match is not simply a boxing match.

The Mayweather camp understands this, Manny probably understands this, and Freddie Roach most definitely understands this. This is why Manny shouldn’t submit to Floyd’s demands. Coming over to the United States to do the drug testing because Floyd demands it doesn’t allow Manny and his team to control of their own progress (or journey/destiny, whatever you want to call it).

Both fighters work really hard and control their own respective journeys, and this includes how each wants to prepare and train. They do this better than anyone else, and that’s why they’re the best. For Manny, he obtains his mental edge and confidence with his routine, which includes preparing in the Philippines for the first part of his training camp.

Coming to the United States for the blood testing means Manny and his team aren’t able to control their journey, and instead allows Floyd control over Manny’s journey. Letting your opponent control you is like laying down your arms in battle and admitting defeat.

Of course on the outside nobody will see this, but it will be in both competitors’ heads. That is what submitting to Floyd’s demands mean, and that is why Manny shouldn’t submit to them. Because submitting to Floyd’s demands won’t win the fight for Manny.

Thank you Joe.  I appreciate that you took the time to explain it to me in a way that did not question my love for Manny, the intentions of my blog, or calling me any names.  I understand it now in a way that I did not before which was the goal I was striving for when I wrote the article.

I love Manny Pacquiao.  I love him as a man and a human being.  I am not a fan of boxing, but I am a fan of his and watching him in the ring is magic.  I am becoming a fan of the sport he loves because of him, and I am learning about a people and a culture that I may not have researched where it not for him.

I strive to be a better person because of the example that Manny sets.  I hope to one day visit the Philippines to experience the kindness and generosity of spirit that her people possess.  I look forward to watching Manny fight in person one day and it would be awesome if it were against Mayweather.

To the men who got bitchy, it’s okay.  No need to be embarrassed that you acted like chicks talking about the Real Housewives of NYC.  Just take a Midol, soak your feet, have some chocolate, pour some wine, lash out at someone you don’t know, and remember to keep the faith.

 

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August 7, 2011 | 3:44 pm

Manny Pacquiao & Floyd Mayweather, Jr. Battle Outside the Ring

Posted by Ilana Angel

I love Manny Pacquiao.  Love him.  While not a long time fan of the sport of boxing, I love to watch Manny in the ring.  He is magical.  Not only as an athlete, but also as a human being.  I tend to be attracted to Jewish men who are older and taller than me, but when it comes to Manny, I think all 5’6” of his 33 year old Filipino self is fantastic, and he is my celebrity crush.

Floyd Mayweather, Jr. is also a very magnetic man. I don’t know much about boxing, and only became interested in it because of my interest in Manny, so I can’t really speak about the sport, but Mayweather is also very impressive.  These men are giants in their field and in reading about their relationship, I find myself getting sucked into all the fabulous drama.

People who follow boxing want these men to fight.  They have been talking about it for years but it has never happened, and does no look like it will anytime soon.  With both standing to earn millions and millions of dollars, and neither one agreeing to the terms of the fight, it seems to be less about the boxing and more about the egos of these two great fighters.

From what I can gather, the main issue is drug testing.  Manny is willing to do the drug test, but only in the Philippines, and not within 3 weeks of the fight.  Mayweather wants them to undergo drug testing in the States, and for it to happen up to a week before the bout.  Are we to assume Manny is doing enhancement drugs, which makes the testing such an issue?

The USA drug testing company does not test outside of the United States, and Manny will do his training in the Philippines, so I get that there are complications, but could Manny not come over for a day to get tested?  Could the drug testing agency here, not send someone to the Philippines to get the blood sample and then return and do the testing here?

Could it be that at the end of the day they just don’t want to fight each other?  Is the risk too high in terms of being the loser?  If they are both at the top of their game, is $50 million dollars enough money to potentially ruin your record as a champion?  Is it, at the core, a love of the sport and keeping a tight grip on the work and legacy that has been created?

I love Manny.  He is a brilliant boxer, a hero to millions of people, and the most beloved man in the Philippines.  I am of the opinion that if he were to get in the ring with Mayweather he would win.  That said, he appears to be trying really hard to make sure that never happens.  The more he finds reasons to not fight, the more I question what he is afraid of.

Mayweather’s father is calling foul with the rules and restrictions that Manny is putting on the drug testing, and surprisingly, I think he might be right. Mayweather’s team is not asking for anything unusual.  They want a fair fight, they want it here in the States, and want to follow the rules of US drug testing. What’s the big deal?  Am I missing something? Just do it.

If I am not understanding the big picture, and someone can explain it to me, please do.  From where I’m sitting, as a fan of Manny and is starting to appreciate the sport, it looks to me like Manny might be wrong on this one.  The negotiations need to come to an end and they just need to fight.  Both will still be heroes, and only egos will be tarnished by a loss.

I love Manny and would like to think there are reasons he is not fighting that have nothing to do with drug testing.  Manny has a fan in me and if there is a good reason for me to be on his side, then I will be. However, he needs to give me a reason because his asking us to take sides, without reason, is not going to fly. Why not fight Manny?

Floyd and Manny are impressive men and it will be awesome if they fight each other one day.  I just hope it happens while I still care.  My money is on Manny, but Floyd has my vote for handling the negotiations better. Will these men man up, own their skills, and agree to the fight with fair drug testing terms?  I’m keeping the faith.

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August 5, 2011 | 12:54 am

Express Lines, Personal Space, Stupid People & Meeting Weird Men

Posted by Ilana Angel

Yesterday I went to the grocery store.  It was super hot out, had been a long day, my son left for a camping trip, I was sucked into stupid drama, had a headache, and wanted to get in and out of the store in a hurry.  I raced through the market on a mission, and ended up in the express lane with two people in front of me.

The first woman being rung up had more than the allotted 15 items.  It was closer to 25, but there she was, even though the cashier told her she needed to go to a regular lane.  The cashier apologized to those of us in line, which I thought that was nice, and though I was annoyed, her gesture eased me off the ledge.

The woman who can’t count is done, and the second lady is up.  Important to note, when the woman had too many items and kept going, the other woman turned and asked if I could believe how rude she was.  She said, loud enough for everyone to hear, that she thought the woman was ruining the express line.

She decides that she is going to use this moment in time to empty her wallet of all it’s change.  By wallet of course I mean her purse, and she starts digging around her rather large pocketbook for money.  She is laughing, and making small talk with the cashier about how heavy change can be.

I am looking at the cashier, she is looking at me, and we smile at one another. Her smile said to me, I’m so sorry about this, while my smile said, I am going to kick this woman in the ass if she does not pay and get the hell out of my way.  We both were very clear on what the other one was thinking, and at the exact same moment we laughed.

I am waiting, losing my patience, when a man approaches the line and bumps me with his cart.  I turn and he apologizes.  I muster up a fake smile and turn back to the woman who has now decided since she does not have enough change, she will write a check.  Who writes checks?  I felt like I was on a hidden camera show to see if I’d flip out.

I have now been in line for about 2 minutes although it feels like 20.  I shift my weight from one leg to another and in leaning back slightly, I find myself leaning on the man who hit me with his cart.  I was a little startled and jumped.  I turn around to apologize and he is right there, standing so close that I immediately felt violated.

I took a step forward to get away from the guy and he also took a step forward.  At this point I want to cut his face off.  I am praying for the lady in front of me to hurry the hell up so I can get out of there, but she is still chatting and writing her check.  I now feel like I’ve been there an hour, when I am in fact approaching 3 minutes.

The woman finishes her check, turns to me and says she hopes I have a nice day.  Really?  It’s finally my turn.  The cashier apologizes and tells me she is sorry for all the delays.  I smile because I’m just too tired and creeped out to do anything else.  As I am swiping my debit card, I can feel the guy’s breath because he is now standing on top of me.

I turn to him and tell him, in the nicest voice I can muster, that he is simply standing too close and can he please step off until I am done with my transaction.  He says he is sorry and steps back about an inch.  I look at him and again trying to be kind.  I tell him that he needs to back off because he is invading my space.  Dear Lord.

He smiles but does not move, I look at the cashier who now clearly has taken pity on me, and with the hope that I do not burst into tears, I grab my receipt, give her a smile, take my bag and leave the store.  As I leave I reach in my bag for my keys and drop my phone.  I pick up my phone and drop my keys.  It’s all just too much.

I gather up my things and head to the car, only to hear someone call out excuse me.  I turn and it’s too close man.  He tells me he is sorry for standing too close, but he was drawn to my perfume, and got sucked in.  He then invited me out for a drink.  I stood there, staring at him, unable to speak.  I had nothing for this guy.

I think I stood there for 5 minutes.  By 5 minutes of course I mean 5 seconds, then without a word, I turned and walked to my car.  I got in, pulled out, and started to cry.  The few minutes I spent in the grocery store managed to suck all of the energy out of my body.  As I pulled away I passed the man, who smiled and waved.

The one guy to ask me out in forever is creepy, I forgot to buy the one thing I went to the store for, my son is away with his dad, and all I want to do is cry.  Thankfully tomorrow is Friday and the weekend will allow me to rest.  I am going to attend services with the goal of finding peace, welcoming Shabbat, and trying to keep the faith.

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August 4, 2011 | 4:56 pm

Vogue Blurs the Line between Fashion & Pedophilia with 10 Year Old Model

Posted by Ilana Angel

Thylane Loubry Blondeau is a beautiful little girl.  By little girl of course I mean that she is only 10.  10 years old.  She is featured in this month’s French Vogue in pictures that are sad, inappropriate, disturbing, and creepy. I can’t help but wonder what the hell her parents are thinking.

A 10 year old is not able to distinguish between playing dress up in mommy’s make-up and high heels, and proving a sexual aid to pedophiles.  This child is beautiful and has her whole life to be a supermodel, so why do this to her now?  In a world that moves so fast, why push our kids to grow up?

I don’t know this little girl or her family, and I don’t think that matters.  Many are calling the photographs “art”, and I agree they are beautiful pictures, but she is a baby.  What message is it sending to other little girls who see her and want to look exactly like she does?

Art is objective and everyone sees it differently, but when it comes to whether or not this model is a child, it’s very black and white.  She is, and therefore the pictures are in poor taste.  Will this little girl come out on the other side of her parents choices ok?  I’m keeping the faith.

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August 3, 2011 | 10:14 pm

Vietnamese Beauties, the Perfect Mani Pedi & Bionic Hearing

Posted by Ilana Angel

I love getting a Mani Pedi. It is an easy way to pamper yourself, can be done inexpensively, and nice hands are feet are important.  More men should actually make it a part of their regular schedules because it’s gross when a man’s hands are feet are gnarly.  God Bless Ryan Seacrest for his love of metro-sexual services.  Grooming goes beyond a shower and shave.

I went today to get my hands and feet done and it was, as it always is, fantastic.  I have been going to the same place for about 15 years.  It has gone through three owners and five staff changes, but I stay, finding a girl I love, and sticking with her.  A Vietnamese family owns my salon, and there are 7 women who work there, with one young man.

They are all very pretty women with flawless skin, silky long hair, and not an ounce of fat on their bodies.  They are very sweet girls, and have uncanny memories.  I took my son for a pedicure months ago, one time, and they all remember him by name and ask how he is.  I took my mother in 3 years ago, and they send her good wishes, by name, all these years later.

The most remarkable thing about these women however, is their hearing.  I have never seen anything like it. Today I turned in my chair and banged my knee.  I whispered “ouch” under my breath. One of the ladies came over, from the far end of the salon, and asked if I was okay because she heard me say ouch.  Seriously, these chicks have bionic hearing.

The salon can be full, without a single empty station, the spa chairs are buzzing, music is playing, people are talking, and the staff are all talking to each other in whispers.  They hear everything, make each other laugh constantly, and since I don’t speak Vietnamese, I spend a lot of my time there wondering what they all think is so funny.

I asked my manicurist today how it is that they hear so well and she does not think they do.  She says her hearing is normal and just like mine.  I was not buying it and said in the quietest whisper I could manage, “liar”, to which she started laughing, said I was hilarious, and then said she was not lying. Maybe it’s something in their diet, but these chicks can hear!

Not all manicures are created equal.  I love my girls and never leave their salon disappointed.  They are very special women and beyond the wonderful work they do, I enjoy their company.  To the wonderful women with the bionic hearing, I say “Bạn có nghe tuyệt vời và tôi yêu bạn”.  Does that say, “You have amazing hearing and I love you.” ??? I’m keeping the faith!

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August 2, 2011 | 11:06 pm

Are Moms Obligated to be Friends with the Mothers of Their Kid’s Friends?

Posted by Ilana Angel

I am blessed that I love my son’s friends.  With the exception of one bad apple, they are all really wonderful kids.  Even the bad apple is a decent kid, and once he kicks his drug problem, he will be lovely.  When it comes to my kid and his friends, I hit the jackpot.

I have met most of the parents of his friends. Many are acquaintances, a few are friends, and some have become family.  When your kid spends so much time at school, or in extracurricular activities, it’s natural for parents to become friends with each other.

I am friendly with a lot of people, and I value my friendships, but I don’t let a lot of people into my heart.  I have trust issues to be sure, and opening up can be hard, but that’s a mess for another blog.  By “another blog”, of course I mean I could write a thousand blogs about it.

I am a good friend.  I am supportive, reliable, funny and kind.  If someone needs me, I am there.  I am honored to be able to say the same about my friends.  I have friends in my life I have known for a short while, and some that go back to my childhood.  It is a blessing.

I select my friends carefully and share my secrets sparingly.  I can be tough, and truth be told, I use the same watchful eye when viewing my son’s friendships.  I truly love his friends and I love the kids in his inner circle as if they were my own, which is special.

Being a mom is hard, we are all doing the best we can, and I struggle with feeling obligated to like the mom’s of all of his friends.  This week I was forced to look at what I thought was a friendship,  only to discover it was not real, but rather based on obligation.

When trust is broken for me, I’m out.  It’s not up for discussion or negotiation.  I just cut my losses and walk away.  Right or wrong, good or bad, it’s how I roll.  Sometimes I question my choices, but I never regret them, as my gut is usually right.

I’m a black and white kind of person.  Right or wrong, good or evil, I rarely sit in the middle on anything, and I think people are the same way with me.  You like me or you don’t.  You get me, or you don’t.  Those who know me and how I am as a mom, understand my take on things.

I worry for my son that my choices regarding other parents will adversely affect him.  I pray it doesn’t, and hope there is a maturity which will allow us as adults to separate feelings for each other from those of our children.  We cannot like each other, but must love the kids.

I love these kids.  They are remarkable children and my home and heart are always open to them.  Friendships or not, I will be kind to parents, but at the end of the day, when it comes to obligations, I am only obligated to my son and myself.

I am raising a wonderful young man and I am proud of the work I have done.  He is amazing both because of me, and in spite of me.  Not all parents like each other, and that’s okay.  How we deal with each other is a test of motherhood.

Can we love our kids enough to not allow our personal issues with the people they love, change their love for those people? Are kids always judged by the choices of their parents?  I love my son, and respect myself, so all I can do is hope for the best and keep the faith.

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August 2, 2011 | 9:04 am

Heeeeeeee’s Baaaaaaack!

Posted by Ilana Angel

My son has returned from his east coast adventure and I am spending the day staring at him. See you back here tomorrow. 

Enjoy your day, be kind to a stranger, love your kids, and remember to keep the faith.

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