Posted by Ilana Angel
I am currently on Match.com and it’s a drag. Dating is stressful and exhausting. You put yourself out there, hope someone will read your profile and think you are worth meeting. Then you go on a date and pray they are what they say they are, and look like the picture they have posted.
I don’t know what it’s like for men, but for women, we are also wondering if we will be safe, and if can we trust this stranger. It’s a crapshoot to be sure, but one that we do because even though we know statistically it will probably not lead to anything, there is hope that maybe it will.
While on Match yesterday, I noticed I had a couple of pictures on my profile which were over a year old. In the interest of honesty, I deleted those old photos and left up two that were recent. I then decided to simply take a picture on my computer and post it to my profile.
I also checked out what I wrote about myself and felt it did not need to be changed. It is an honest and open look into who I am, and what I am looking for. So there I was on Sunday morning, on Match, with only my picture changed, and the madness began as the hits came on coming.
By the time I left at 11 to meet friends for massages and lunch, 287 men had checked out my profile and I received an insane number of winks and emails. The fascinating thing is that men I have dated, or spoken to in the past, contacted me. It was as if they did not know me.
A new online picture is like chum in the water. Sharks are circling, then when it’s posted they make a b-line for it. Men see something new, which is not really new at all, and they are interested. Using technology as an analogy, a new online picture is like the latest must have gadget.
Had they read my profile they would have known who I was, and had they looked at the other picture they would have seen it was me, but all they did was look at the new picture and contact me. It was fascinating. Men are clearly visual and don’t pay too much attention to what we write.
The picture posted on the blog today is the one from my Match.com account. It’s at home, in front of the computer, with no make-up, no fancy lighting, just plain old me, and in the end feels the most organic. This is what I look like everyday and that is who I need to put out there.
I went through the emails and found a couple of men I thought were interesting. I ended up chatting with a man and we met for a drink at a dive bar by my home. I did not wear any make-up, did not do anything special with my hair, just threw on a pair of jeans and headed out.
I felt beautiful because I was myself. I was comfortable with myself because I was not projecting something that I’m not. I don’t always wear makeup, or a dress and heals. I feel my most attractive when my hair is simple, my skin is moisturized and healthy, and I’m in a pair of Levis.
We had a lovely date. It was authentic and mellow. He came in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and we hung out. The lack of primping altered how we were. It was not about impressing anyone, just getting to know each other. It was the most comfortable date I think I have ever been on.
I am going on a second date with this man, but that is just a bonus because I found myself on this date. I am funny, smart, intelligent and lovely. The key to my dating success will be for me to be myself, and more importantly, to look like myself. I am good enough.
I’m not saying I won’t ever put on makeup, or get dolled up in a dress and heels, because I will. I’m a girl and I like to look pretty. The gift here is that I feel pretty whether I’m gussied up, or a plain Jane. My wish is that more women can embrace themselves in this way.
I have a renewed sense of hope. Not hope that I will meet someone online, but rather hope that I am living my best life, and the knowledge that my best life will be shared with a wonderful man. Being myself is a blessing, and all it requires is keeping the faith.
12.19.13 at 2:57 am | My son has a free schlepping service.
12.12.13 at 8:05 am | Well played my son. Well played.
12.11.13 at 6:58 am | I watch in awe and stare with envy at these. . .
12.5.13 at 3:16 pm | Heaven has received a blessing today.
12.3.13 at 3:05 pm | Every time I go into the kitchen I half expect to. . .
11.30.13 at 10:42 am | "The only correct actions are those that demand. . .
9.15.13 at 3:14 pm | I love you Russell Brand. (409)
12.12.13 at 8:05 am | Well played my son. Well played. (253)
7.25.11 at 5:38 pm | We need more Jews! (249)
June 19, 2011 | 10:15 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I miss my Dad everyday, but today just a little bit more. He was always very proud of his four children and desperately loved his grandchildren. When he passed away he had 5 grandkids and today there are 8. The older ones spend a lot of time talking about him which allows the little ones to know him.
My son loved him very much and I feel blessed that my boy was able to meet my remarkable Dad. I also feel blessed that my son has a relationship with his own father. If I am going to be honest I have done the work of a father and a mother on my own, and feel that his dad has fallen short on occasion.
That said, it’s better that I don’t like him and he’s in my kid’s life, than my kid not like him because he’s not present. My son is out with his dad today and I am going to mark my efforts in raising this boy by getting a massage, having lunch with a girlfriend, and raising a glass to the memory of my dad.
Happy Father’s Day to all who celebrate. Whether it’s your first one, or your father has passed, create a memory, or hold one close to your heart. To my brother, you are a wonderful man, and a remarkable father. I love you, dad is alive in you, and it is amazing to see him in how you are with your kids. Enjoy the day, love your kids, honor your dads, and keep the faith.
June 17, 2011 | 8:38 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I commented on another writer’s blog earlier in the week and rather than read my opinion, try to learn from it, or perhaps allow herself to solidify her own point of view, the writer decided to challenge me to a battle. She is young and inexperienced so it’s kind of cute. By cute of course I mean not cute at all, and now I find myself responding to silliness.
Tamara Kagel’s bio says she is a writer. She calls herself as a “struggling” writer, which could mean she is not making any money, or simply struggling to write. I will let you read her two blogs, You Should Be Skinny and Date Down or Date Slim, and you can decide what struggling means. As a writer who is not struggling, I am happy to send my readers her way.
Ms. Kagel wrote articles, which in my opinion are an unfortunate way for one woman to view another. She lives in a world that she says I do not understand, but fails to realize I have already lived in that world and rather than learn from someone who has experienced it, she has become the mean girl who picked a fight. The thing is, I’m too old and too smart to fight with her.
Rather than read and let it go, its now personal and I am the old lady to her youth and the fat broad to her thin self. There was an opportunity for real dialogue and growth. I invited her to lunch thinking we could chat, she would see we are not as different as she believes we are, and perhaps collaborate and write something really important together.
Instead of simply accepting my offer to meet, she wrote a very, very long Open Letter to Ilana Angel. Tamara, you start your letter to me saying you appreciate my sharing my “personal struggles”, but that your opinion remains unchanged. I was not trying to change your opinion and my life is not a struggle.
I write a lot of different things. I am a writer. Thisparticular blog, “Keeping the Faith” is about my life, the world I live in, the world I am raising my son in, and my search for love. I don’t struggle to write it, or struggle to have my voice heard. To label this blog as simply a place where I talk about my “struggles” is rude and shows a lack of respect.
I will let people read your articles on their own and form their own opinions. You will get great numbers this week so you’re welcome. To clarify, I did not say your soul was ugly. I do not know you and plus I would never say such a thing. I said how you view women is ugly and a weight on your soul. Your disrespect of other women is what is ugly, not your soul.
You said I am preaching women should love their bodies and regardless of what size they are, someone will love them. Not exactly what I said but whatever. If you had been fat and were now thin, and could say with certainty that life was easier for you now, I might take you more seriously. You are a skinny girl who has always been skinny, who is passing judgment on something that no first hand knowledge of.
You write as if you are an expert on this subject when you are not. You read an article at CNN and built a blog about it. That’s a great thing, but your tone, and lack of any sympathy or empathy on the subject made you look mean. You are adamant that you don’t want to change your opinion on the subject of women and weight, which is just a silly thing to say.
You say I am in denial and even have the balls to refer to a blog I wrote about a date I had. You know nothing about me, or my date, and took from the article what you wanted, in order to manipulate my situation to prove your point. My date had issues that had nothing to do with me and again rather than supporting another woman, you tried to make me feel bad about myself.
Your letter says we do a disservice to our children by not preparing them for the real world. Honestly Tamara, you have no idea what you are talking about. I am a mother and I am raising my son to believe in himself because that is my job. I am helping a boy become a man. He has respect for himself and for women. You should be ashamed of yourself for that one.
You made a point of saying we move in different circles. You are young, I am old, you are thin, I am fat, and we fish in different dating ponds. I don’t agree, but let’s assume you are correct. Who cares? This is not about age or size because I am not old or fat. This is about the fact that you have painted yourself into a corner. God help your kids if they don’t get the skinny gene.
You want so badly to point out the areas where we are different, rather than where we are the same. We are more alike than you think, or are willing to admit. You are young and fabulous and the world is your oyster. Here’s the thing Sweetie, I have eaten the oyster I can safely say that you are in for a rude awakening if you place these views on your children.
I could write a million things about your theory on “top tier” men but I am certain you will not get it. You are unable to see that your view of men, women and relationships will change as you get older, wiser and more experienced. That makes me sad for you. You think you are being attacked for speaking the truth but you are completely missing the point.
You wrote, “Faith is an amazing thing. But sometimes, faith can be a poor substitute for logic and reason.” This speaks volumes to me about who you are. I feel bad that a beautiful and vibrant woman has these views. When I started this blog I was annoyed with you and now at the end of this blog, I feel sadness and pity for you that this is the voice you want to share.
I wish you well with your writing and the new relationship you have begun. I imagine lunch is off the table but the offer is still there should you ever want to hang out with an out of touch old lady. You’ll need to come to the valley of course as driving over the hill is a struggle for my old, fat bones. Be kind to yourself when others are not Tamara, and remember to keep the faith
June 16, 2011 | 8:24 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
The Wall Street Journal is reporting that Anthony Weiner is going to resign. He has been sharing the news with friends and an announcement is going to happen sooner rather than later. We all knew it would come to this, but it’s still a shock that his political career is ending this way.
People won’t write about the incredible things he did for New York, or his important work on health care reform, or that he helped stop tobacco trafficking, or all of his work on behalf of the disenfranchised. All they will remember is that he was a bit of a pervert who took inappropriate pictures.
It was never about the pictures and I wonder if things would have ended up differently if he had not lied and admitted from the beginning that it was him in the picture. He would have still been still a freak, but not a liar. Well still a liar, but not to his constituents. He unraveled his life and the regret must be intense.
There will be a press conference and he will apologize to his constituents, his colleagues, and his family. He will cry, and we will watch a man fall part on television, which is rather unfortunate. I do not think his wife will be by his side when he speaks, but I hope she sticks with him off camera.
This is a sad story. He is taking a great fall for something that on the sliding scale of inappropriate behavior of politicians, was not that bad. When you think of what others have done, this is not that big of a deal and it’s shame he is paying such a huge price for such a small sin.
It’s a teachable moment for me as I am raising a boy to be a man, and there are lessons to be learned. As the Congressman prepares to step down I applaud him for a job well done and hope people will eventually be able to look past the scandal and to the important work he did.
A lie, no matter how small, can become something so big you cannot recover from it. It’s a tough lesson and the fallout is the same whether you are a public figure or not. One must think before lying because once you cross that line, it will not matter whether or not you keep the faith.
June 15, 2011 | 11:29 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I am crushed that the Vancouver Canucks lost game 7 of The Stanley Cup. It was theirs to lose and they did so in grand fashion. I tried to will them to a win and even though I came across as cocky, I would do it again because it was done with love. It’s a sad end to the dream.
I thought this would finally be the year the Cup came back to Canada, but it was not in the stars for Vancouver. One could argue that considering 18 players on the Bruins are Canadian it was like we won, but it does not work like that. We lost, and it sucks.
Boston deserved to win and I’m happy for the Canadian players who won. The Cup did not go to Canada but it went to Canadians which is as it should be. I’ve decided the reason Vancouver lost is because the next Canadian team to win should be the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Boston has waited 39 years to win which is forever, but still not as long as Toronto who last won since 1967. If Boston can do it, then so can Toronto. I know it’s a long shot but it could happen. Stop laughing. It might happen. Seriously, stop laughing. That’s rude.
I would love the Maple Leafs to win the Stanley Cup. It might take a miracle but miracles happen, so I believe. Since I am able to believe for the Leafs, then I must be able to believe something for myself. Therefore I choose to believe that one day I will dance with George Clooney.
I don’t want a date because I would be too nervous and not enjoy myself. I just want a dance. I want to hold him close, lean against him, smell him, have his hand on the small of my back as we take a spin around the floor to a fabulous song. I’m thinking something divine by Barry White.
The chances for peace in the Middle East are probably better than the Maple Leafs ever winning the Stanley Cup again, and I will probably win the lottery before I ever dance with George Clooney, but even so, there is still a chance for all of it to happen so I must continue to believe.
I love hockey so having The Stanley Cup finals go 7 games is great, even if my team lost. Boston played brilliantly and they deserved the championship. As for peace in Israel, winning the lottery, Leafs winning the Stanley Cup and my dancing with Clooney? I’m keeping the faith.
June 15, 2011 | 1:15 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I am annoyed. There have been a series of things over the past couple of days that are bugging me, so I’ve decided to vent about it here. I picked my top three most irritating things, and should venting not make me feel better, I will simply pick more things and write more blogs until I do feel better.
One: I had a pap smear yesterday. It’s an unfortunate name for an unfortunate procedure, and I don’t know anyone who enjoys it. I personally dread it, but I have a fabulous gynecologist who talks through the entire thing so I am focused on her voice, not her poking and prodding.
When I got to the appointment, I was asked to fill out some paperwork. On the form it clearly listed my name, and that I was there to have a pap smear. Then there was a box that simply said “SEX”. I’m not sure why, but I found this box to be the most annoying thing I have ever seen.
Are they seriously asking me to confirm my gender? Is there some new pap smear for men so they need me to clarify I am a girl? Or do they perhaps just want to know if I am sexually active since they are checking out my lady parts? Why the hell is the sex box on this form?
It is annoying that I need to clarify my gender to my gynecologist, and ridiculous if they are asking me if I have sex. No, I am not having sex, thanks for asking. Let me get in the stirrups, have a scope inserted in me, and also be reminded that I am not having sex. Thanks.
Two: I feel horrible for Congressman Anthony Weiner and hope he is able to salvage his career and get his life in order. I don’t care what he did, and the only person who needs to forgive him is his wife. He screwed up, but nobody died, and his work was not compromised.
I am surprised so many are calling for him to resign and even more shocked by the tweet that was sent to Mr. Weiner by Albert Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary who wrote: “There is no effective ‘treatment’ for sin. Only atonement, found only in Jesus Christ.”
Mr. Mahler, one of America’s most prominent evangelicals, is telling the Jewish Congressman the only way to fix this mess is through Jesus? I can safely say that even Jesus cannot get Weiner out of this jam and as a Jew, Weiner asking Jesus for help is probably not going to happen.
Mahler also said: “Christians — at least those who hold to biblical and orthodox Christianity — believe that salvation is found through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and in him alone.” Blah, blah, blah. I’m thinking Jesus is a compassionate man who simply wants peace for Weiner.
I am sick of people talking crap about what Jesus would do, want, or think. If Jesus is as wonderful as his followers say, and I believe he is, he will embrace Weiner regardless of his faith. He will comfort him and may even break the ice by mentioning his parents were Jewish.
Jesus, God, Allah, Buddha, whoever is the focus of your faith, will always embrace a person in pain. That’s how they roll. How we choose to worship is irrelevant because God loves all, regardless of religion. That is taught in all faiths, so stop embarrassing Jesus with your crap.
Three: I recently read a couple of blogs that were posted here at The Jewish Journal and were written by Tamara Shayne Kagel. I do not know Ms. Kagel, and to be honest have never read her blog. I found her work through a reader who asked me to take a look as she was outraged.
Ms. Kagel and I are both single, Jewish, and dating in LA, but that is where the similarities end. I am not attacking Ms. Kagel, but I would be doing a disservice to myself, and women, if I did not comment on her blog, and give a different point of view, as hers is a little off.
Kagel wrote a couple of blogs that at their most simplistic form, say that in order for a woman to meet a man she must be skinny. You will attract what you are and if you are not fit, he won’t be either. She also says if you are fat, you need a lesser man because a top tier guy is not possible.
Kagel is not a nutritionist or relationship expert. She is simply a skinny, young girl in. Kagel lists herself as being twenty-something, so since I am forty something, I could be old enough to be her mother and therefore feel the need to share some motherly knowledge.
I got married at 25 to a successful and handsome Jewish man. He was what she would call “top tier”, and he married me when I was a size 16. He was not out of my league because I was not skinny, and I would argue I was out of his league because I was fabulous.
The key to finding a great man has nothing to do with being skinny, and that Ms. Kagel is skinny and not married, is proof. I agree sexual attraction is key, and there are men who are not going to be interested in chicks who are not a size 2. Remember last week’s date, Dean?
My weight does not mean I won’t find my beshert, and furthermore, when I do find him, and I will, he will be A list, not someone I scraped from the bottom of the “I’ll Date Fat Chicks” barrel. I am fabulous so I will attract fabulous. Kagel has bought into LA stereotypes a little too much.
I would like to invite Ms. Kagel for lunch to talk about her outlook on dating. Important to note, if I order a salad it’s because I want a salad, not because I’m trying to get skinny. In fact, let’s go to a place where they don’t serve salad, only sandwiches with big, fat pieces of bread.
Ms. Kagel and I are very different women, different types of writers, and at different stages of our lives. I am not trying to change her, but feel confident that after a lunch with me, she will perhaps see things differently. If not I can always sit on her until she changes her mind.
It’s only Wednesday and I’ve been double humiliated at the gynecologist, informed the only way to correct my sins is through the power of Jesus, and told that because I’m not skinny, I can only get a lesser man to love me. I may need a bigger plan than just keeping the faith.
June 14, 2011 | 1:19 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I love hockey. Love it. It is an exciting game to watch, and growing up in Canada, it’s a way of life. If there ain’t no blood, it’s just figure skating. I enjoy the game and in my opinion, hockey players are delicious. Give me a man on skates, with a scar or two, and I’m in heaven.
I have been sporting a Vancouver Canucks sweatshirt since the playoffs started, and have worn it for every game of The Stanley Cup. It’s quite old and worn, but I love it. I spent 6 years in Langley, British Columbia as a child, and the memories of my time there are wonderful.
I never thought my old Canucks sweatshirt would have the same effect on men as a baby or a puppy does on chicks. It’s quite remarkable. When I wear it, men want to talk to me about hockey. Even if they are with a woman, they want to talk and know what my picks are.
Maybe it’s because hockey is not a huge deal in Los Angeles, or maybe it’s because men want any opportunity to talk sports, or maybe seeing a chick with any sign of an interest in hockey is hot. Whatever the reason is, it turns out this sweatshirt might be just what my dating life needed.
After the tragic loss last night, I ran to the market in my tear stained Canucks garb and had a lovely 20 minute conversation with a charming man who told me he went to a Stanley Cup game in 1975. He was from Buffalo, and hearing his story of that championship was fascinating.
His name was Jim and he told me the 1975 Buffalo Sabres team was made up of only Canadian players, which made me proud. I am a mom, I am Jewish, I am a writer, and I am Canadian. It defines who I am as a human being and there is a pride in being a Canadian that is very special.
When I tell people I am Canadian they say they knew a Canadian once, name of Richard, and ask if I know him. It cracks me up when people think we all know each other and the weird thing is that on several occasions I have actually known the Richard they are talking about.
Hockey is a great sport and it would be great to meet a man who loves it like I do. I believe Vancouver will win game 7 at home, which will be magical, and also give me a reason to wear the sweatshirt a little longer, and perhaps meet a hockey loving man. I’m keeping the faith!
June 13, 2011 | 8:12 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Today is the day.
Go Canucks Go!
Bring the Cup home!
We are keeping the faith.