May 23, 2011 | 1:54 am

Pray for Joplin, But Not to Jesus Christ on Facebook - He’s Mean

Posted by Ilana Angel

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On Sunday a tornado stampeded through Joplin, Missouri killing many people.  It landed around 6:00 pm and Joplin was in its path.  It has been a horrible few weeks of weather in the south and the death toll grows.  With weeks of tornado season still to go, we must pray for them.

I am a firm believer in prayer.  I have faith in God and know that he hears our prayers.  He cannot stop a tornado, and he does not have control over bad things happening, but what he can do is give us strength and peace so that we can find strength to survice the most horrible of things.  He gives hope.

He is collecting prayers for the people of the south.  He is welcoming those who pass with open arms, and watching over the survivors with a smile in his heart and an embrace.  I have held God close through difficult times in my life and this is my belief.

We all have different beliefs, and different ways that we view God.  At the end if the day, how we pray, what we believe in, and who our God is, is all the same.  It is faith.  Faith is a powerful thing and if we unite our prayers, it will bring strength to those who need it at this difficult time.

I cannot imagine what it feels like to lose everything in such a dramatic and scary way.  My heart is broken for the loss that the southern part of the country is going through, and I hope that the rest of the tornado season spares any additional lives and loss.

Whatever your faith, whatever you believe, keep a good thought for those who are struggling to recover from nature’s fury.  Whatever you do, and whomever you praise, stay away from Jesus Christ on Facebook because whoever is running that page, is not nice.

I did not even know that Jesus had a page on Facebook, so I was surprised to find out that he’s got a few.  There are some really lovely pages where people comment with their favorite bible passage, or ask for help, or request that others join them in prayer.

As a Jew, Jesus is not my go to guy, but I respect that he is that person for many people.  God, my God, our God, takes comfort in people leaning on their faith.  Again, I’m not writing a religious blog, and I’m not interested in people lecturing me on religion.  That is not the point here.

The point is this, whoever is speaking on behalf of Jesus on Facebook is an intolerant, selfish, mean spirited, and hateful person.  She/he hates people who do not view faith in the exact same way that they do, and though I am not an expert on Jesus, he would not like what is happening.

I can’t remember what the page was called because when I heard they were unkind to a friend of mine, I went on to say Jesus would never be so unkind, and I was blocked.  Jesus blocked my friend and me on Facebook.  To whoever is censoring for Jesus, you are a tool.

Pray for Joplin and for everyone whose life has been altered by the wrath of Mother Nature.  I pray for their health, peace and comfort during this difficult time. I hope daybreak brings hope, and blessings are found. You are in our thoughts, we are praying for you, and keeping the faith.

May 21, 2011 | 11:34 pm

A Single Gal’s Saturday Night: A Date, Wine, Depression & a Cat Lady Future

Posted by Ilana Angel

After spending an unhealthy but entertaining amount of time with my cat and my cat’s cat, I decided to take the plunge and finally went on a date this weekend.  I met a man from match.com for lunch.  It was an interesting date.  By interesting of course I mean it was depressing and by depressing of course I mean I left feeling depressed.

I am 45, have been divorced for 15 years, and my last relationship ended over 2 years ago.  I like to think I’m okay alone, but let’s get real, I’m not.  I hate being alone.  I had a bad date today. Nothing bad happened, it was just a bad date.  I left feeling unclear about exactly how I am supposed to find what it is I am looking for.

We should have had countless things to talk about.  We are both Jewish, both grew up in Canada, are both single parents, both love hockey, both write, and both love sushi.  There was so much for us to talk about yet we sat there with nothing to say.  It was like pulling teeth.  In fact, getting a tooth pulled would have been less painful.

He did not have much to say and when he did speak I wanted to kill myself.  A highlight:  Him:  Do you have any pets?  Me:  I have cats.  Him:  I like cats.  Me:  I love my cats.  Him:  Do they come to you when you are having sex because they smell pheromones?  Important to note I am only able to share because I am home on my second glass of wine.

It is Saturday night, at almost 7:00, and I am home, drinking red wine, with my cats sitting close by and looking at me with a look of judgment that says, ”Wow!  She is home on a Saturday night. Again.”  It’s a very sad day when your cats feel sorry for you.  Even sadder days are when you think your cats are actually feeling sorry for you.  I’m pouring another glass.

I am sitting at home wondering what my next move should be. Do I take a break and stop dating?  Do I broaden my horizons and date men that are not Jewish, since clearly the Jewish thing is not working for me?  Do I order Chinese food, finish off the bottle, take a bath and wash away the day so tomorrow I can start over and not give up?

I’m sure it’s just as hard for men.  It’s not about men being the problem here.  I don’t even think it’s about dating in general.  I like dating.  Not the act itself, but the idea that you could be going to meet a stranger that will be your beshert is lovely.  There is a moment, when you are waiting to meet him, right before the nausea comes, that you have hope.

I’ve always been able to come out of a bad date with a sense of humor and know that the next one will be better.  The thing is that the next one was not better.  I am not losing my sense of humor, thank God, but I worry that I am losing my hope.  When you drive home from a date and stop to get a bottle of wine on the way, there is a problem.

Sidebar:  My kid is out for dinner with his dad and he just excused himself, went outside, and called me to say he loved me and was hoping my weekend was going well.  We spoke for a quick minute and he went back to dinner while I went back to my wine.  He is a brilliant light in my life and he is the reason I need to keep my standards high and not give up.

My child is remarkable and having him in my life is a blessing, so I need to be selective about who gets to share that blessing.  There is a great Jewish guy out there for me, who is sitting home tonight, after a bad date, wondering what the hell he is going to do now, and wondering if he will ever meet anyone worthy of a second date.  I hope to meet that man.

In a perfect world I will meet him before I have 18 cats because at that point I would understand if he was not interested in me.  Chicks are not my thing which is too bad because chicks hit on me all the time.  Prisoners dig me too but there is no prison close enough for regular visits. Does cutting out chicks and guys in jail change the number of chances I have at love?

Maybe I need to change the age range of men I will date.  It is currently 40-55.  Maybe I need to go both younger and older.  The thing is, old people skin is not sexy so dating older is hard because I want to have a sexual relationship and that would kill it, and younger is not cool because to the young guy I am the old skin.  Dating at this stage of life sucks.

I don’t feel old, or look old, but the truth is at 45, especially in a town like LA, I am old.  For 60 year old men who have 25 year old girlfriends, I’m a hag.  When you date men who are much younger then you are a cougar.  When you are a middle aged woman looking for love, you are a hag, which is a couple of years, and a couple of cats away from being a spinster.

It is now 9:00 and I got an email from a man on match.com that based on our profiles, I did not have anything in common with.  I wrote to thank him for the interest, but that I did not think we were a match.  He immediately wrote me back to ask why.  Really?  Am I now supposed to justify why I’m not interested?  Dear Lord make it stop.

And so is the life of a 45 year old, single, Jewish mother with cats.  Luckily my cats, my faith, and my age do not define me.  If I am defined by my heart, and what my child thinks of me, then I am golden.  I am blessed and with patience I will find what I am looking for.  Life is grand, motherhood is perfection, and the best thing I can do for myself is keep the faith.

** Check out my new reality television blog KEEPING IT REAL.

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May 20, 2011 | 6:27 pm

Rest in Peace Randy Savage, My Jewish Celebrity Crush

Posted by Ilana Angel

I have never been a fan of wrestling, but have been a fan of wrestlers for as long as I can remember.  I loved Randy “Macho Man” Savage for years.  He was on my celebrity crush list because he had killer arms, a body that was insane, a bad boy persona, a big personality and he was Jewish.

It’s not easy to find a Jew that looks like Randy Savage.  I thought he was divine looking.  His arms were so sexy and massive that it was easy to look beyond the sport I did not understand.  He was gorgeous, and Jewish, which meant beyond a crush, marriage was also an option.

Mr. Savage died today in Florida when he suffered a heart attack while driving.  His brother told the press that he careened across traffic and crashed into a tree, dying later at the hospital.  Mr. Savage was only 58 years old, and celebrated his one year wedding anniversary on May 10th.

To his wife Lynn I send my heartfelt condolences and am sending you my prayers for this shocking and tragic loss. To all of Mr. Savage’s family, friends and millions of fans, I am very sorry for your loss.  We are blessed to able to look back at his life and remember what a wonderful man he was, and see the legacy he left behind.

Rest in Peace Randy.  You were loved and respected, and will be missed by many.  You helped elevate your sport to a new level, and showed a Jewish girl that the man of her Jewish dreams existed in real life.  Your untimely passing is heartbreaking, and reminds us all to keep the faith.

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May 20, 2011 | 1:28 am

A Blog, Learner’s Permit, Cat on Prozac, Weekend, Sex Life & Sleep

Posted by Ilana Angel

I have been writing this blog for a couple of years and it’s been great.  I have the freedom to write about anything I want, and write about it without having to worry about being censored.  My voice is heard and it’s a blessing. I’ve been struggling however with what I write about.

I write about my life, dating, the world, politics, Judaism, and my never ending search for love.  I take comfort in hearing from others who are going through the same things as me.  It’s also good to have people laugh at the silly things that happen in my life and put it in perspective.

My lack of a dating life has resulted in my acquiring an addiction.  It’s bad.  I am addicted to reality television.  I would rather stay home, with my cats, and watch reality TV, than go to the trouble of having a date.  Dates are not supposed to be trouble, but lately they have been.

The result of my pathetic dating life is that I blog about reality television.  It’s fun and I enjoy it, but it’s weird to post a blog about a bunch of skanky housewives right after I write about my son or my faith.  So in an attempt to separate out the two subjects, we have created a new blog.

“Keeping the Faith” will continue to be about my life as a single mother, who also dates, and has opinions about the world, while my new blog, “Keeping It Real”, will be dedicated strictly to reality television.  They are both here at The Jewish Journal and I am thrilled to be expanding my blogs.

Thanks to my friend Heidi for sharing her creativity on the name.  Be sure to visit my new blog at http://www.jewishjournal.com/keepingitreal/.  It will be fun to have an outlet for both the stories of my life, and the addiction that is ruining my life.  There are worse addictions so it’s all good.

In other news, my son is about to get his learner’s permit.  It is a very proud moment and at the same time I want to lock him in his room and begin home schooling.  He is a great kid and I know he is going to be a great driver, but I’m having a hard time accepting we are at this place.

He is my only child and my entire life is about him.  He is the single greatest thing to ever happen to me and I can’t remember what life was like before he came.  The good news is once he starts driving I will be waiting for him all the time and able to watch more reality TV. Pathetic.

My cat’s cat has been on Prozac for a month and he is doing much better.  I refuse to admit I have 2 cats so I have one, and then my cat has one.  Denial is how I roll.  Two cats is a hop, skip and jump from 18 cats, lots of wine, and my sitting around waiting for my grandkids to visit.

I am looking forward to the weekend.  Between work, motherhood, volunteering at my kid’s school, and trying to rip myself away from the television long enough to go on a date, I’m very tired.  I love sleep and plan to spend my weekend doing a lot of it.  Sleep is a great thing.

I miss sleeping with someone.  It’s not about sex, although that would be great too, it’s about sleeping.  Having someone hold you, touch you, and snuggle in for the night is nice.  Finding the perfect spooning position and falling asleep to the sound of another person breathing is wonderful.

It’s my favorite way to sleep.  It’s been so long I don’t really remember, but I think it’s my favorite.  I need a sleepover date.  It’s been so long I wonder if it will ever happen.  It’s not a pity party, but seriously, enough with the sleeping alone and the dates that suck.

Maybe my friend Patrick can loan out his husband Andy for a sleepover.  I wish George Clooney would come sleep over.  Or perhaps Manny Pacquiao could swing by for a nap.  I would be happy with a nap for an hour.  My cat is looking at me with pity.  She doesn’t get it.

I am too cute to live the rest of my life with my cats.  I love them, but it’s getting old.  I need to step away from my cat lady status and go on a date.  That is my goal for the weekend.  I won’t find my missing sex life, or have a sleepover, but a nice date would be good.

I’m looking forward to Keeping it Real with the new Bachelorette on Monday.  I’m excited for my son that he will soon be able to drive.  I’m relieved that the Prozac is helping my cat’s cat feel better, and I can’t wait to sleep this weekend.  As for my dating/sex life, I’m keeping the faith.

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May 19, 2011 | 8:53 am

Is Strauss-Kahn Rich, Powerful & Incredibly Stupid When it Comes to Sex?

Posted by Ilana Angel

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, managing director of the International Monetary Fund, quit his job overnight so he could spend his time and energy on the mess he allegedly has gotten himself into.  He denies that he did anything wrong, and his quitting was simply in the best interest of his family.

He wrote: “It is with infinite sadness that I feel compelled today to present to the executive board my resignation from my post of managing director of the IMF. I think at this time first of my wife - whom I love more than anything - of my children, of my family, of my friends. I think also of my colleagues at the Fund. Together we have accomplished such great things over the last three years and more.

To all, I want to say that I deny with the greatest possible firmness all of the allegations that have been made against me. I want to protect this institution which I have served with honor and devotion, and especially — especially — I want to devote all my strength, all my time and all my energy to proving my innocence.”

With his bail hearing set for today, he is hoping to be released on a million dollar bond.  A maid at the hotel he was staying at in NYC says the 62 year old Strauss-Kahn came out of his bathroom naked, chased her down, forced her to perform oral sex on him, and tried to remove her underwear, before she broke free and fled the room.

The maid is a 32-year-old immigrant Guinea and she is one of many women who have accused him of sexual assault.  Women are coming out of the woodwork to say he assaulted them also.  The man is clearly a little sleazy but is one of the most powerful men in the world going to risk everything in such a way?  Is he really going to be so reckless?

Is it possible that a man with this much to lose would be so stupid?  One could argue Clinton risked it all with his indiscretion with Monica Lewinsky, the point being that men are ruled by their penis not their brains.  It could simply be that Schwarzenegger, Clinton, and Strauss-Kahn are rich, powerful and stupid.  Do men lose appropriate judgment when it comes to sex?

Sex is not hard to get, particularly when you are a man with money.  I live in a city where young, gorgeous women are having sex, dating, marrying, and having affairs with men who are old, married, and popping Viagra like TicTacs.  It just rings odd that he would need to chase a maid around a room naked in order to get laid, when others would gladly oblige.  He’s not an ugly guy, he’s got money, and you can buy discretion.

I’m not implying that he didn’t do it.  When a woman says she’s been assaulted, I believe her until it is proven otherwise.  Even if a victim drops charges, walks away, or there is some lying on her part,  I tend to still believe that something happened. That said, I find it interesting that he would risk everything he has for fellatio, particularly when you don’t even know if the woman is good at it.  Harsh? Maybe, but let’s get real for a minute.

If he were a businessman from Iowa, staying in a basic room, would there be so much press?  Did she know she was dealing with someone rich and powerful? Are maids supposed to come in and clean your room while you are in the shower of your hotel room? I’m just saying that this story is just getting started and I imagine we will be surprised by what we learn.

I hope the woman is okay, that her story is told, and justice prevails.  I will continue to believe Strauss-Kahn is innocent until proven guilty.  Either way his career and reputation will not survive the scandal and it’s all because of a blowjob.  Go figure.  To all those involved, the truth will set you free so come clean, do the right thing, and keep the faith.

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May 17, 2011 | 6:18 pm

Arnold Schwarzenegger, John Edwards, Noel Biderman, Tiger Woods & Whores

Posted by Ilana Angel

I have been running around town today for meetings, clients, and errands.  Everywhere I’ve been people want to talk about what a schmuck Arnold is.  I have an opinion on this one, and in talking to people I find myself getting angrier and more disgusted with him.

We don’t know what happens behind closed doors of a marriage, but in this instant I don’t think it matters.  This violation goes beyond banging a whore.  Am I harsh by calling the woman he slept with a whore?  I don’t think so.  She was sleeping with a man whose wife she saw everyday.

I think when a woman disrespects another woman by sleeping with her husband, she is a whore.  I appreciate that women sleep with married men without knowing they are married, but that is not the case here.  This staff member is a whore, just as Rielle Hunter is a whore.

Every single woman who slept with Tiger Woods was a whore.  That they were able to sleep with men, knowing they had wives and children, is a decision I don’t understand.  The blame certainly is shared between the cheater and the whore, but the lack of decency is on the whore.

I will go even farther and say that the women who are on the Ashley Madison website, looking to have affairs with married men, are whores.  Whores work for pimps, so if we use that definition, Noel Biderman, the CEO of Ashley Madison, is a pimp who makes money off whores.

John Edwards and Arnold Douchebag prove that cheaters are going to cheat and the Internet is not required.  Noel Biderman is getting rich because he gives whores a place to work.  It is not a “dating” site, it is a “cheating” site, and I think he should be ashamed.

I have tried to be fair to him, tried to separate out the man from his job, but I’m just not sure I can do it.  There is a lack of decency in what he does and the fact that money is more important than the example he is setting for his children is troubling.

Lives are complicated, marriage is hard work, and cheating happens.  I get it, and am not implying that we should all live a sin free life with rainbows and sunshine.  However, why can’t we just be decent?  If someone is married, don’t sleep with them, and don’t encourage them to do it.

My heart is broken for Maria Shriver and I pray Elizabeth Edwards is resting in peace and watching over her children.  I am sending prayers to Amanda Biderman as I imagine the life she leads because of her husband’s work is a challenging one in terms of a legacy for her children.

I will get emails and comments saying I am wrong and that’s okay.  Bring it on.  I believe in marriage.  I also believe that people are inherently good and decent.  One of those beliefs has ultimately set me up for huge disappointments during my life, so all I can do is keep the faith.

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May 17, 2011 | 1:23 pm

Arnold Schwarzenegger is a Schmuck

Posted by Ilana Angel

I have always thought Arnold Schwarzenegger was an idiot.  I was never a fan of him as an actor or a politician because he has no talent at either one.  There is a sleazy quality about him that I have always been surprised more people do not see.  Perhaps they will see it now.

After 25 years Arnold the Douchebag and his wife Maria Shriver announced they were ending their marriage.  Everyone says they were so surprised by the news, but I’m not buying it.  The only shocker here is that she stayed married to this pig for as long as she did.

He announced today that he fathered a child, outside of his marriage, with a member of their household staff.  If you are in doubt about how much of a complete ass this guy is, the kid is around 10 years old.  He has been supporting a kid for a decade without his wife knowing about it.

Is that even possible?  Did the woman stop working for them when she got pregnant?  Did she come back after the baby was born?  If my employee got pregnant and left work, I would follow up with her and want to see her baby.  Did Maria just not put all the pieces together?

Turns out that the woman worked for the family for 20 years and only just retired last January.  Can you imagine?  She worked there, seeing Maria have her own kids with him, for 20 years after she slept with her husband and had his baby.  It’s all too disgusting to even wrap my head around.

Maria is a Kennedy and so one would think she could see a cheating husband coming from miles away.  Kennedy’s are infamous for cheating in their marriages so perhaps she was raised to turn a blind eye.  Who knows what goes on behind closed doors but I’m guessing on some level she knew.

Douchebag had this to say in a statement to the press, “After leaving the governor’s office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago. I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.  I ask that the media respect my wife and children through this extremely difficult time.  While I deserve your attention and criticism, my family does not.”

A few hours later it was Maria’s turn when she released the following statement,  “This is a painful and heartbreaking time. As a mother, my concern is for the children. I ask for compassion, respect and privacy as my children and I try to rebuild our lives and heal. I will have no further comment.”

In a sad addition to the mess, their 17 year old son Patrick tweeted, “Some days you feel like s—-, some days you want to quit and just be normal for a bit, yet I love my family till death do us apart.”  I wonder if banging the housekeeper is worth ripping a family apart, publically humiliating your children, and the woman who loved you for a quarter of a century.

They have four kids ranging in age from 13 to 21 who now have to deal with not only their family falling apart, but they have a half sibling who they probably know, but did not realize was related.  I know my housekeepers kids and if they want us to believe nobody met the kid after working there for twenty years, I’m not buying it.

My heart goes out to Maria and her kids during what must be a horrible time for them.  I wish them well as they navigate the bumpy waters.  Infidelity breaks hearts and families.  I have no understanding of it and no forgiveness for it.  Mr. Schwarzenegger should be ashamed of himself.

Sadly I don’t imagine he is.  He did not have enough respect to tell his wife he fathered a child outside of his marriage for 10 years so I’m guessing decency is not something he is familiar with.  For the kids, all five of them, I pray they have peace, and hope they are keeping the faith.

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May 17, 2011 | 11:19 am

Ba Da Bing Ba Da Boom – The Real Housewives of New Jersey are Back

Posted by Ilana Angel

With the housewives of OC spending all their time slutting around, and NYC boring the crap out of us, not to mention them all scripting their unscripted shows, the ladies of New Jersey are back just in time to remind us that this used to be a great show.  The season opener is delicious.

The show opens at the christening of Teresa’s nephew.  We meet her brother Joe and his wife Melissa, who is a new housewife.  There is a lot of bad blood in this family so if casting her is not proof that Andy Cohen cares more about drama and money than the ladies, I don’t know what is.

Joe and Melissa are fabulous to watch.  They are Ronnie and Sammi from the Jersey Shore all grown up.  I mean if you gave Ronnie and Sammi personalities, brains and good looks, they would be just like Joe and Melissa.  This couple is fun, sweet, and about to kick this show into overdrive.

Teresa goes over to her brother to congratulate him on his son’s day and Joe calls her garbage.  A huge fight starts between Teresa’s husband Joe and her brother Joe.  Just as the fight is about to get good, they stop and take us back to a week earlier so we can see how it all started.

Teresa and Joe are running a pizzeria.  Really?  We are supposed to believe that they support their family, and that ridiculous house on the income generated from one pizzeria in Jersey? Teresa is in the pizza shop signing cookbooks for extra money, which seemed a little sad to me.

Jacqueline and Caroline come by and Jacqueline hands Teresa a photo that Teresa has already personalized and signed, and then signs it again.  Do they not know we can see the picture is already signed and the entire scene reeks of fake?  God bless these chicks and their fake show.

Caroline is looking great and everything seems to be good with her.  Albie and Christopher are moving into their own apartment and in telling us about it, Caroline starts to cry.  She says her kids moving out are a proud moment and at the same time a knife in her heart.  I started crying.

I love how she loves her kids.  I love my kid like that and it is so sad to watch her reaction to their leaving but she puts on a brave face for her kids to cry privately and it’s beautiful.  She is a great mother and I look forward to following her example of how to let your kids go.

Jacqueline goes to visit Ashley at her new intern job.  It’s weird because she comes unannounced in the middle of the day.  Even I would not pull that crap on my kid.  Ashley is working at Lizzie Grubman PR.  Sidebar:  Lizzie is painfully thin and unfortunate looking.  Poor thing.

Jacqueline starts embarrassing Ashley in front of her boss and it’s gross.  Jacqueline is annoying and in her attempt to show us she is a good mom, she looks like a bitch.  Ashley starts crying, throwing a tantrum, Jacqueline walks out, and the boss is comforting Ashley.  I don’t get it.

Jacqueline and her husband Chris take Ashley out for lunch.  How is it that Chris is waiting in the restaurant when Jacqueline did a surprise visit to the office?  Fake. Fake. Fake.  Ashley is crying, talking about how hard her life is, Jacqueline is annoyed and storms off.  Dysfunction.

Chris is lecturing her with words of wisdom and looks straight into the camera.  Twice.  I love it when reality shows get unreal.  Meanwhile it’s pouring rain out and Teresa and Jacqueline are out for coffee, in the park, with Teresa’s baby, who Teresa is ignoring.

Teresa is explaining her family history.  Apparently she was close with her brother and it changed when he got married.  She says she is not sure what is going on with their bankruptcy, which is odd since last year she complained she knew nothing and would now know everything.

Melissa is gorgeous, has a beautiful house and adorable kids.  Teresa is clearly jealous of her.  Melissa is old school Italian, taking care of her husband and kids.  I love her and think she is great.  I think a lot of people will, which is probably what pisses Teresa off so much.

Melissa is all about God and Jesus.  She thanks Jesus every five minutes, which I think is awesome.  We meet the other mew housewife, Kathy.  She’s Teresa’s cousin and I love her too.  She seems more normal than the others.  That said, it’s too early to tell who she really is.

Kathy is married to Rich who is Lebanese.  It’s cool though because Jesus is from the Middle East so that makes it cool for Kathy’s father.  Dear Lord I love this chick.  She gets on her bike and rides down to the market to get groceries.  Of all the housewives, I want to be her friend.

Her son is playing with a knife on the bed and she asks him why he can’t collect stamps.  She is cute, pretty, lives what appears to be a more middle class life than the others, and is, after one show, my favorite.  That said, I reserve the right to totally change my mind on this one.

Caroline is having Sunday dinner at her house and has decided to make a southern meal.  She spends the next ten minutes bagging on people from the south and their inability to cook anything but fried chicken.  I love Caroline but bless her, she’s not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Melissa’s sisters are visiting from the shore for the christening.  They are all anticipating a problem with Teresa, which is interesting.  Back at Teresa’s house, her kids are having a melt down, Joe is being useless, Teresa can’t get ready and is going to be really, really late.

Joe has diarrhea and is finding any possible reason to not go to the church, Teresa is feeling sick and running around like a chicken with her head cut off, Melissa is in the car preparing to give her son over to Jesus, and we are now back at the christening where the episode started.

There are too many guys named Joe.  I will call Teresa’s husband Joe, Juicehead and Melissa’s husband Joe, as Joe, the bay who has now been welcomed into God’s kingdom by Jesus, will be Joey.  Are we all clear?  Teresa and Juicehead have now arrived at the party.

Sidebar:  Why did Teresa need to go back and get Juicehead from the house?  He could have just met her at the party with the baby.  Could it be because they are down to only one car?  When will these people grow up, sell their monstrosity of a house and get real?

Joe is trying to be nice to Juicehead but Juicehead is a putz.  Teresa and Juicehead are jealous and bitter and you can smell it.  Teresa walks around acting like she is doing everyone a favor by being there when really she should feel lucky that under the circumstances she was even invited.

There is crap going on in this family that we will never understand and frankly should never see, but they are going to let us to watch. In the end I think Teresa will come out not looking great.  Melissa and Joe seem a little more honest than Tree and Juicehead.

Joe works hard, Juicehead not so much.  I love that Joe is loving to Teresa’s kids and does not let their crap stop him from loving her kids.  I feel bad for Joe.  He is a good husband, father, and businessman and I think those things bother Teresa because she does not have that in Juicehead.

Sunday dinner is still going on at Caroline’s and it’s boring in comparison to the christening.  I want them to hurry up and eat so we can get back.  I finally fast forward over it all so I could get back to the excitement.  Important to note that Jacqueline is boring as hell.

Teresa and Juicehead are dancing with baby Joey and it’s gross.  He’s looking like the good guy when we all know he is a putz.  Sidebar:  Melissa tells us that Teresa and Joe did not come to the hospital after Joey was born which is what Danielle told us last year and Teresa denied.  So good!

Teresa could not be sat farther away from her brother.  Teresa goes over to say mazel tov and Joe is having none of it.  He calls her garbage and tells her to walk away.  They are getting into a fight and 9 year old Gia is crying, watching, and trying to breakup the fight.  It’s heartbreaking.

Joe and Juicehead are going at it, threatening to kill each other, yelling, screaming, hitting in front of all the kids and guests.  It’s horrible to watch and yet you can’t turn it off.  I could feel the humiliation of Teresa and the heartbreak of Joe.  It’s all so sad and unfortunate.

I can’t help but wonder what Andy Cohen is thinking.  There is no way he did not know this would happen.  He put ratings ahead of his concern for these women who have made him rich and famous.  He knew we would watch and love it, and he knew families and hearts would be broken.

Teresa’s dad, who is having heart problems, is in the middle of the fight and it’s so sad.  Joes is crying and you can feel the pain he has in his heart that his parents are not close with him and his family.  In the end the exciting fight was sad more than anything else, and I felt bad watching.

I started off watching the show with such excitement to have the ladies back and in the end I am undecided about if I can watch it anymore.  Of course I will, who am I kidding, but it’s not fun like it used to be.  It’s an addiction and a need to look into lives that are ugly.

I love the two new ladies of New Jersey.  Danielle who?  It’s going to be a tough season to watch.  That does not mean it’s not going to be entertaining, just rough.  Andy Cohen is going to hell.  Thank goodness these ladies have Jesus because they are all going to need to keep the faith.

 

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