April 29, 2011 | 7:00 pm

Unofficial Facebook Poll:  Election 2012: Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, or Death?

Posted by Ilana Angel

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I posted this question on my Facebook page:  If you had to vote for President in 2012, and your choices were either Donald Trump or Sarah Palin, and if you didn’t vote you would die, who would get your vote? 

I have a wonderful group of responsible and accomplished friends.  They are smart, funny, entertaining and happy. They are impressive and I cherish each of them, so imagine my surprise at how many were willing to die.

It’s a silly question really, but people gave it a lot of thought.  There was much talk of going to Canada but that was not an option in my poll question.  Even with no confirmation either of them will run, opinions were strong.  I think it will say a lot of about America if they both run, and even more if one of them wins.  The most powerful country on the earth will have a reality star as its leader.  The world is watching, and they are laughing.

We don’t look serious about the political process. The whole birth certificate fiasco was mortifying and making it even worse, is that Donald Trump is taking credit for the certificate being produced.  Donald Trump is not a politician.  One could argue that neither is Sarah Palin.  Many feel she lost all credibility when she quit her job as Governor of Alaska.  The truth is, neither one is qualified to be President.

*****Some readers are offended by my saying that these possible candidates are not “qualified” and I can appreciate that. What I should have said was this: The truth is, both are so polarizing, it will be hard for them to be effective.  I left in the original wording so the comments have a reference point and make sense.  It’s a shame that a silly question on Facebook results in Obama bashing.*****

When people are asked something ridiculous, and answer as if it were a legitimate question, and their choice is to take death over voting, you’ve got to wonder what the fate of our country is if these two are our options.  It’s going to be a very interesting time for American politics and I hope we are strong in the end.  Time will tell.  For now I hope my friends will be given another option so mass suicide can be avoided.

I am not sure who I will vote for, but it will the first time I vote in a presidential election in the United States so I want it to count.  I will vote for who is going to provide the best future for my child.  I am praying for the country, and for all those who will run for President because with all the mudslinging, it’s going to get messy.  God Bless America, and remember that your vote matters, so keep the faith.

April 28, 2011 | 10:18 pm

The Real Housewives of New York City Need an Intervention

Posted by Ilana Angel

This week starts off with Cindy and Sonja.  Cindy got drunk at an event, went home, noshed on pistachios, and then cracked her veneers.  She is carrying around her two front teeth in a Ziploc bag with tooth glue and she is gluing on her teeth in a public place.  Classy.

Sonja is annoyed and all she cares about is where they are going for lunch.  By lunch of course I mean have a drink.  They go to Vivienne Tam to try on clothes and it just makes no sense to me that these women think they can wear a micro-mini dress.  They are not 20 years old.

Sonja appears to be drunk before they get to lunch, which FYI Cindy cancels.  Sonja is annoyed that they are not going to lunch because Cindy was treating.  Sonja gets very excited about things when she does not need to pay.  She will hire a driver to take her anywhere it’s for a free meal.

Back in the Hamptons, LuAnn is feeling a little shut in with her life.  She is talking to her daughter about how she needs to be in the city more to work on her “music” which is hilarious. She tells us she is in the city during the week and her kids stay with a “mother’s helper” in the Hamptons.

Translation:  She has a babysitter who takes care of her kids during the week so she can bang her boyfriend and lunch with the ladies.  I dig the countless but I lost respect for her when she tried to convince us that her sex life was not interfering with her being a mom.

Kelly invites Sonja to ride in the Hamptons and she is excited.  Why?  Because it is free.  She wants us to believe she grew up riding, bareback no less.  Really?  She appears to suffer from Bethenny-itis, which is when you create a history in your mind, and then believe it.

I guess all that bareback riding in her make believe childhood did not stick because she falls off her horse which I am embarrassed to tell you, made me laugh.  I was impressed Kelly didn’t laugh because you know she wanted to.  The best part is when Sonja says the horse stumbled.

Sonja plans a party to invite Kelly and Ramona and try to patch things up since they have not been friends since Kelly’s crystal meth break down from last year.  You know that is not going to go well.  Jill is still in Australia and I can’t wait for her to get back.

LuAnn is having the ladies over to her home for drinks.  LuAnn is really beautiful and I think the most attractive of the group.  Sonja and Cindy have arrived.  They are talking about the low rent section for the Hamptons, and Cindy’s teeth, and I’m zoning out of the conversation.

Kelly arrives and gives LuAnn a t-shirt with two Native American’s on the front.  LuAnn tells her she thinks it’s lovely she honored her heritage, then Kelly puts her hand to her mouth and doess an Indian war cry.  That’s respect.  These chicks are hilarious.

Sonja is drunk.  Rude and drunk.  Alex arrives looking frazzled but not in a super model chic kind of way.  Ramona comes in like a bull in a china shop and crashes into everything.  She is knocking LuAnn for not being home with her kids which is in bad taste in LuAnn’s own home.

Cindy pulls Kelly aside and tells her to not take her kids to the party at Sonja’s because she is plotting to get her together with Ramona.  Bravo to Cindy for protecting her friend.  Epic fail to do it on camera.  She is new and one would think unaffected, but in the end, just a fame whore.

Ramona is complaining to LuAnn about Cindy’s brother.  I don’t get why she is upset.  LuAnn talks her off the ledge and is lovely.  LuAnn looks gorgeous and Ramona is wearing a tracksuit fit for Boca.  Meanwhile, Kelly is talking to Sonja and stirring up trouble.

Kelly spills the beans to Sonja that she knows about her wanting to fix things with Ramona.  Sonja says she is well known for fixing relationships.  I had not heard that however, I will say singing “Kellyland Sand Angels” song is the highlight of the show.

We are now at Cindy’s birthday party in the poor section of the Hamptons.  Sidebar:  Does anyone else think it’s weird what a striking resemblance Cindy has to her brother’s girlfriend Carol?  I think it’s disturbing for a man to have sex with a woman who looks like his sisters twin.

LuAnn says Ramona is Pinot Polar, which is awesome.  One glass and you don’t what Ramona you will get.  Ramona is pissy from the second she gets there.  She is whining about a glass of wine, and scrambling to get off the horse because she is board.  Ramona is drunk.

Ramona tries to talk to Kelly and Kelly blows her off because she is with her kids and does not want the drama.  I respect Kelly’s loyalty to her kids.  Meanwhile Kelly is having brunch and invited everyone but Ramona, which puts Ramona over the edge.

Kelly is trying to be nice, but Ramona is pissed off and tells the camera that she has been treating Kelly with kid gloves because lets not forget, she lost her mind.  I am still laughing at that line.  Ramona is the best drunk ever.  A glass of wine and a tracksuit is all one needs to enjoy Ramona.

Ramona is attacking Cindy’s brother Howard.  Everyone is trying to walk away from her but she is making a scene.  Bravo needs to set up an intervention for Ramona because she clearly has a drinking problem.  Maybe they can get a 2 for 1 and include Kelly too!

Cindy talks her off the ledge, Ramona professes her love for her, and we find out dip makes Cindy crazy.  This show is insane and by insane of course I mean addictive like heroin.  These ladies do not disappoint and just when you decide to stop watching, they suck you back in.

Jill will be back next week telling us she has changed, and then doing her same old shtick.  These ladies are the only city in the Real Housewives franchise that still makes us laugh.  They all make us cringe, but these chicks are a hoot and the only Bravo show keeping the faith.

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April 28, 2011 | 12:03 am

I’m Sick - Must Sleep Not Blog, So Here are 10 Fever Induced Thoughts

Posted by Ilana Angel

It is 11:06 pm and I have been trying to write a blog since 8:00.  My head is fuzzy, I have a fever, and I am truly not feeling well.  The result is that I cannot think straight long enough to put together a blog.

Rather than skip the blog, here are 10 things on my mind.  I’m not sure if it’s the sinus pressure, or the meds, but these things are floating around in my cloudy mind so I’m sharing them, then heading to bed.

1) If Donald Trump and Sarah Palin run for president in 2012, Saturday Night Live will be brilliant.  As for this whole birth certificate fiasco, it’s embarrassing and the world is looking at America and laughing.

2) I have met Randy Jackson and think he is a great guy.  That said, his vocabulary on American Idol is annoying and after ten years, old and tired.  He sounds like a goof, which is a shame because he is a pretty cool guy.

3) I really look forward to the day when Bethenny Frankel’s fan stop drinking her kool aid so they can get over the need to write me daily to say my blogs on her show are written from a place of jealously.  Come on ladies, move on.

4) My angry and anti-social cat has been on Prozac for two weeks and today he slept on my bed and licked my hand.  The vet says another 2 weeks will bring him even more improvement and I am very happy it is working so well.

5) I am a firm believer that chicken noodle soup can cure what ails you, but I am a vegetarian so it’s not an option, but tonight, for just a second, I was dreaming about a piping hot bowl of chicken goodness.  There is no substitution.

6) My son does not get what “It’s just 5 bucks” means.  Ask for 5 bucks, 4 times a week, and you have $20, $80 a month, and $960 a year, so when he asks for $5 he is really asking me for a thousand dollars, which he does not understand

7) I am sick and groggy and yesterday I walked around my home very upset because I thought I was losing my eyesight.  Turns out I was wearing my sunglasses.  My kid is still laughing because it’s the 3rd time I’ve done that.

8) I wrote yesterday that the guard at Buckingham palace was fired, but he was only suspended.  That makes sense.  Wanting to kill Jews is totally a suspension not firing offence.  Is nobody at the Palace going to address this?

9) I have a date this weekend.  We made plans last Sunday night to go out this Saturday night, and he has called me everyday to see if we are still on.  Not to chat, just to see if we are still on.  It’s creeping me out.

10) In a few weeks The Real Housewives of New York City, New Jersey and Orange County will all be running on television at the same time.  This is a sure sign that the end of the world is near and I am frightened.

If you are also under the weather, try to rest, drink hot liquids, and stay in bed if you can.  If you have nobody to take care of you, I am sending you a hug and best wishes to get well soon.  Feel better and keep the faith.

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April 27, 2011 | 1:03 am

Calling Kate Middleton Names Gets You Fired, But What About Killing Jews?

Posted by Ilana Angel

Cameron Reilly is 18 years old and up until this week, was a guard at Buckingham Palace in London.  He was just fired for calling Kate Middleton a bitch on his Facebook page.  He went on a bit of a rant after she apparently blew him off as she drove past him last month.  He felt slighted and decided to talk about it publicly.  Not a good idea young man.

Cameron wrote that Kate was a “stuck up cow”, “posh bitch”, and asked, “Who really gives a f&^% about her?”  We’ve all said mean things about our bosses at some point, and while I’m not making excuses for his behavior, he is only a kid, he felt she was mean in ignoring him, she is not his boss yet, and everyone, young and old, vents on Facebook.

Reilly was a regular guard at the palace, wearing the iconic red jacket and bearskin hat.  I’m not much a tourist trap kind of traveler, but I’ve seen the changing of the guard several times and I am impressed and in awe each time.  It’s historic and impressive, and I would assume a great honor for a young man.  He was not only fired, but also banned from the wedding.

A kid got fired for saying mean things on Facebook.  Who cares?  What makes this story so interesting is that all the news stories had headlines that he badmouthed the future Queen of England, then buried in the story, was the information that he fantasized about killing Jews while on duty, and also beat a black man when he was off work and visiting his hometown.

How is calling some chick a bitch, more of a headline than wanting to kill Jews?  He wrote on Facebook, ‘Watching a massive Jew gathering at the Tower of London! Have never seen so many rabbis in my life.”  A friend then wrote, ‘Get the rifle out.” To which he responded, ‘Have got one of the Jews in my sights now LMAO.”

This kid has screwed up his future.  After the wedding, when things die down, he’ll turn up trying to cash in on his fifteen minutes of fame by giving an interview to Dateline NBC about how sorry he is for having slammed the future Queen.  Will anyone mention that beyond calling her a bitch, he fantasized about killing Jews?

John Galliano was massacured in the media for his drunken Anti-Semitic slurs, but this kid is fired for calling Kate a snob?  Something is wrong in the world when calling a royal a bitch trumps hating Jews.  I will watch the wedding on Friday as I wait for an apology from Cameron for his hate towards Jews, not towards Kate.  I won’t hold my breath, but I will keep the faith.

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April 26, 2011 | 9:33 am

How Can Levi Johnston Write a Book About the Palin Family When He Can’t Read?

Posted by Ilana Angel

There is no way to say it nicely, or not sound mean, so I will simply say it.  Levi Johnston is a moron.  There are absolutely no redeeming qualities about this kid and I find it hard to believe he can spell anything other than his name, and he probably gets that wrong sometimes, so how am I supposed to believe he is writing a tell all book about the Palin family?

According to Us Weekly, the book will be titled “Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs”.  Seriously? Who Cares?  He is a money hungry fame whore who has no talent and his relationship was with Bristol not Sarah, so why title the book about her mom and not her?  He probably didn’t know how to spell Bristol so he went with the easier Sarah.

The book will be released this fall, just in time to be used as kindling for the winter.  His manager said, “Levi is going to talk about everybody, including Sarah Palin, and the rest of the family. Bristol too.  The book will have good stuff. He isn’t leaving anything out.”  This statement alone proves he is out to slam Sarah, not shed light on his relationship with Bristol.

One could argue that this douchelord should focus on spending time with his 3 year old son instead of trying make a buck off a family he has no real insight to, but my take on it is that Tripp is better off not spending time with this loser and if “writing” a book keeps him busy then Bristol should be thanking her lucky her stars.  He is an absentee dad and always has been.

Kids need a dad, and it’s important for little boys to have a father in their lives, but that is not always possible and in this particular case, I think the kid is better off without Levi as a regular fixture in his life.  There are millions of fathers who want to spend time with their kids and can’t, and here is this stupid kid who can, and chooses not to.

According to Bristol, Levi has not asked to see his son for months and months.  Johnston’s manager said the reason he has not spent time with his son is because “Bristol is being Bristol.”  Really?  Is his dislike of Bristol more important than spending time with his son?  I’m not buying it.  Levi Johnston is a liar and a deadbeat dad.

The waste of paper will include photographs and personal stories about Johnston’s relationship with Sarah Palin.  He says he will “tell the truth” about their relationship, including his “sense of Sarah and my perplexing fall from grace.”  He is even delusional enough to say he’s doing it “for me, for my boy Tripp and the country.”  For the country Levi?

It makes you wonder how his mind works that he thinks his book is of any interest to the country.  Furthermore, how is trashing his mom and grandma good for his son?  Someone needs to smack this kid.  He is about to turn 21 and I imagine reaching adulthood will do nothing to mature this boy.  As for Tripp, you will be fine, in spite of your dad.  Just keep the faith.

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April 25, 2011 | 9:20 pm

Bethenny Ever After is in the Toilet – Literally

Posted by Ilana Angel

This week’s train wreck begins with us spending 5 minutes listening to Bethenny use a toilet.  She is in New Jersey for the opening of an envelope to sign books.  They put her in the presidential suite to get ready for her big appearance.  She reacts to the toilet as if she has outdoor plumbing at home.

She is so excited about the toilet that she tells her assistant Julie that she can use it too.  Really?  Does Julie normally use the bathroom in the basement?  What a treat for her to be able to use the same toilet as Bethenny.  Being a Godmother AND assistant has it’s perks.

Bethenny is having a nipple problem and rather than go back to her room, which is 10 steps away, she decides to put a bra on in the hallway of the hotel by the elevator.  Classy.  This woman is unbearable.  She then makes a comment that doing Skating With The Stars was stupid.

Her fans voted her into the finals, but it was a stupid idea?  Everyone told her not to do it, but now it is stupid?  She is skating, makes a jab at Johnny Weir, and disrespects the fans who voted for her even though she was rude.

She’s goes off on a tirade about her skating mid-life crisis and it’s sprinkled with some language that her fans will say is hilarious, yet when I use the same words to describe her, I am hateful and jealous.  Interesting group of people.

By interesting of course I mean they are obsessed with a woman they don’t know, yet think is their friend.  Me and my readers watch for a laugh, her fans watch as if it’s being shot live and unscripted, and they are actually in her life.

Gina is gone and they are interviewing new nannies.  She has selected a woman from Tibet, who happens to have worked with friends of her father.  Interesting that she talks opening about what a horrific man he was, yet his connection to the new nanny is not a problem.  Hypocrisy overload.

She is excited the woman is Tibetan because it means she will be peaceful.  When Jason asks about her logic, she calls him a moron.  For the record, Tibet is not a land of peace.  There has been unrest and strife.  Are you sure Jason is the moron in this relationship?

The people of Tibet are suffering with the state of their country and it is their hearts and souls that sustains them until they can live in peace, so instead of saying Tibet is peaceful, give a portion of the proceeds from your book to help it’s people you idiot.

Bethenny is planning her speaking tour and wants to get an RV so they can travel together.  She wants to put the Skinny Girl logo all over the bus, which is typical.  She tells Jason he is not allowed to have a bowel moment on the bus.  If he needs to go, he can go on the street. Classy.

The new nanny, Dawa, is adorable and Bethenny tells us she must be calm because her parents are from Tibet.  Dear Lord make it stop.  She could not possibly be more offensive.  I feel bad for Dawa and God bless her for giving it a go.  Bryn is lucky to have her.

Some guy from Skinny Girl comes to meet with Jason and they are blabbering about her products and where they are in terms of distribution.  It’s all made up so why even listen to this part.  She is now talking about her tour bus and does not think Bryn needs to be a car seat when traveling.

Is family protective services on the way over?  She says an RV simulates a house and so the baby can walk around the bus freely without being buckled in, then says she has never heard of an RV getting into an accident. Julie looks at her as if she is insane and it’s quite entertaining.

Jason and Bethenny are out for dinner and she orders two Skinny Girl margaritas.  I find it hard to believe that this is Jason’s drink of choice.  I’m thinking he orders it for show and has a rum and coke under the table that he sips on during breaks.  The self-promoting is over the top.

Jason is telling her their crappy drink in is 40 states and Bethenny wants to know why it’s not in the other 12 states.  Really?  There are 52 states in Bethennyland?  How did this woman write books and invent the margarita when she is clueless on the most basic of things?  Fascinating.

We are back in fake therapy and Bethenny is weaving some lies and looking rather anorexic.  She needs to eat a sandwich.  She is now talking to Jason about renting a house for the Christmas holidays.  She knocks him for being cheap and he is clearly embarrassed.  I think it’s quite sad.

Jason says he does not want to be away for the entire holiday because he wants to be with his parents as it’s their first Christmas with Bryn.  She agrees to throw them a couple of days.  Why not take the grandparents to Malibu and all be together? Selfish.

Bethenny and the baby head to LA a couple of days before Jason and he is excited to have the peace and quiet.  Bethenny arrives in Malibu and the kvetching begins. She cannot go five minutes without talking about how tired she is and how hard her life is.  Poor baby Bethenny.

She says her stint on Skating With The Stars is her mid-life crisis.  She is talking about how she needs to be the perfect wife and mother.  Why start now?  She constantly belittles her husband and doesn’t know what raw turkey looks like so the domestic goddess label does not fly.

Then in unimaginable happens.  There is a moment on Bethenny Ever After that I love!  Cookie is running around the beach and I am so happy for her.  It’s ridiculous but I am happy for this adorable dog and watching her run around is really special.  That is a cute dog.

They have ordered in dinner.  Why does this chef never cook?  Maybe it’s because she doesn’t know how?  Next week she starts her speaking tour and celebrates Christmas.  I shall poor myself a real margarita, remove all knives from my home, grab the remote, and keep the faith.

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April 25, 2011 | 7:56 am

The End of Spring Break + Monday + Teenager = Mommy Needs a Vacation

Posted by Ilana Angel

My son has been on spring break for a week.  If you count the weekends that bookend the week, it’s been a total of 9 days.  When you are on a rigid schedule of waking up at 5:45 every morning, having 1 day to sleep in, let alone 9, will throw you off and make getting back into the groove hard.

He had a great vacation.  He spent a lot of time with his friends, slept in, and had no real structure, which he craved.  He got up everyday whenever he wanted, and decided what he wanted to do.  He was never bored, just mellow about his plans and let the week fall into place all by itself.

He went to some amusement parks, the movies, a couple of parties, a Los Angles Galaxy game, which let’s face it with David Beckham playing was just as much for me as it was for him.  He also went to the concert of a man who is, in my opinion, the sexiest man alive.  Prince.

Many people may not agree but let me tell you, Prince is divine.  The concert was amazing, he was fabulous, and looks the same at 52, as he did 25 years ago when I saw him in concert for the first time.  It was an incredible show and I was surprised my son knew the words to all his songs.

It’s funny that to me Prince is an icon and legend, yet my son knows him from the radio where is played as “classic” or an “oldie”.  The music I listened to when I was his age is now retro to the kids, but is still current to me.  The Prince concert was a great thing to share with my kid.

I remember when spring break began we decided he would lay low and not spend too much money as he has big plans for the summer and we would focus our money on that.  Having a chill week at home however, ends up being way more expensive than expected.  Home is not cheap.

An afternoon of lunch and movie costs $20, and if he goes at night, the cost jumps to $25.00.  An amusement park sets you back about $50 even if you have a coupon because a bottle of water costs $5.00.  The days of cheap weeks at home doing “nothing’ are gone. “Nothing” costs money.

It is all my pleasure and I would not change a thing of course.  He is my only child and so I make it work but I feel for my friends who 2,3 or 4 kids and have to pay for nothing for that many kids.  Teenagers are expensive and quite frankly exhausting.  This age of 13 – 16 is particularly tiring.

His social life is out of control and he needs rides to everything so I am a taxi service.  The amount of schlepping I do is insane.  I find myself looking forward to his getting his driver’s license soon, which is weird because I cannot imagine I will ever let him get behind the wheel of a car.

We want our kids to walk, then when they do we want them to sit still.  We can’t wait for them to talk, then pray they will shut up for 5 minutes, we worry about their safety when we are driving, cannot imagine the day they will be the driver, then look forward to not having to schlep.

Being a parent is the best job ever and I am grateful my son and I have such a wonderful relationship.  The next few years will be challenging and harrowing, as well as exciting and promising, and I am hopeful our close knit and honest bond will lead us through his high school years.

It is 6:30 on Monday morning and my son has hit the snooze button 4 times.  I will wake him up in a few minutes and tell him he is late for school.  He will freak out, run around screaming he has missed the bus, and then I will tell him I am going to drive him to school on his first day back.

Perhaps it’s mean to stress him out, but it will be entertaining. Before I know it he will be away at college and thinking back to these times will make me laugh as I sit with my cats waiting for him to come visit.  His spring break adventures at home will soon be over and so I’m hanging on.

He will be very appreciative for my driving him all the way to school and will tell me I am a great mom and he loves me.  He will never now it was a selfish act to just so I could be with him for a few extra moments before the hustle and bustle of school starts back up again.

He has had his vacation and now I need one.  A few days to relax and recoup from my kid’s spring break.  All the driving, and late nights have left me exhausted but I have to go to work.  I love my kid, glad he had a nice vacation, and hope he glides back into school.

I won’t tell him he can’t drive until he is 21 for a little while longer.  No need upsetting him.  I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday and every day since is etched in my mind.  He is my greatest joy and driving him to school is a pleasure. Wait just a minute…

He just screamed, jumped out of bed like it was on fire, and when I told him I would drive him, he hugged me, said I was the best mom ever.  He will get to school in mom’s taxi with time to spare, which was always the plan.  Enjoy your Monday, and keep the faith.

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April 24, 2011 | 10:21 pm

Real Housewives + Orange County = White Trash

Posted by Ilana Angel

This group of women is embarrassing and watching them makes my eyes bleed.  I go back and forth between laughing at how ridiculous they are, and hating myself for continuing to watch it when it is making me sick.  These are a bunch of white trash “ladies” who have no business being on television.

Slade is taking Gretchen for a birthday surprise.  It would appear that the only reason Slade is on this show is for Gretchen to humiliate him.  Not only is he pathetic, but he is a glutton for punishment and stays for the money because how can he love her when she treats him like garbage all the time?

She makes fun of his body and his lack of money.  She uses every single opportunity he is on the show to tell him he is a loser without ever calling him a loser, which is worse.  She is both trash and trashy, and I will shave my head before I buy one of her swap meet purses, which are hideous.

Vicki invites Alexis over so she can clear the air. It’s lame.  Alexis is slutty,  stupid, uneducated, and ridiculous and I would not want to be friends with any of them.  Alexis is going to show Vicki how accomplished she is.  Why does she care what Vicki thinks of her?

Slade takes Gretchen to his friend’s art studio for a surprise birthday.  He brings take out food, has her change into painter clothes, they make a picture, then he gives her a painting his friend made.  She is obnoxious, rude, ungrateful, and mean spirited in her response.

Gretchen’s laugh makes me want to stab myself.  If she has a make up line, why can’t she make her skin look better?  Enough about her, let’s move onto Peggy and her husband, who are planning a dinner party and want to use a celebrity chef so they can impress.

They go to Border Grill, meet with the chef and co-owner Susan, and are surprised to learn that it is Mexican food.  Really?  All you have to do is Google her and you can she what kind of food she is famous for. They are so dumb it’s painful.  I seriously need to get into reality rehab.

We are then shown an endless amount of time on Vicki’s daughter.  Is Vicki so boring we have to watch her daughter, who could not be any more uninteresting? She is a sweet girl, but of absolutely no interest and following her around Vegas is a waste of time.  Who cares Bravo?

Tamra and Peggy are in a fashion show and Peggy’s boobs are distracting.  Why a woman would do that to herself I will never understand.  I think fake boobs are pretty, and if I needed them I would get them, but hers are cartoonish, ugly, and make her look like a fool.

Jeana walks in and Tamra is annoyed because she is friends with Simon.  Everyone is talking about how great Jeana looks but she looks the same to me.  They say she has lost weight but I don’t see it.  Good for her, but I would not have known she lost weight unless they told me.

Alexis goes to meet her dressmaker who is an Israeli woman names Tal, who has unfortunate plastic surgery.  Alexis is trying on dresses and she is a complete and total bitch.  She tries to explain to us what couture means and it is hilarious.  This chick is not too bright.

She hates the sleeves on a dress that clearly involved some serious workmanship.  Instead of telling Tal to remake it, she gets scissors and cuts off the sleeve.  Tal is freaking out, Alexis is being a lunatic, and then power trips about how she is the boss and Tal needs to remember that.

Alexis spends a lot of time talking about what a great Christian she is, and that she spends her life trying to do what Jesus would do.  Really?  I can assure her Jesus would not have disrespected another human being like she did Tal.  She is white trash and needs to Jesus out of it.

Peggy looks like Melissa Rivers and her strut on the catwalk is mortifying.  She is hosting the fashion show and getting back “into the business”.  Good for her.  Tamra arrives and you have to wonder how she will explain her behavior to her children when they grow up. 

She walks the catwalk like a stripper.  We then go the gym with the Brazilian chick.  Lynne is there saying she is not avoiding the ladies, just busy with work. Busy?  She is off the show because she is a mess and bored us to tears.  The Brazilian tells Lynn she had a sexual encounter with Tamra.

She tells Lynne this in front of her one time partner, and it happened while they are still together, as they are now broken up.  Now Tamra will have to explain to her kids that she dumped their dad, was a lesbian for a minute, and talks non-stop about her great sex with Eddie.

This may be the worse show on television.  It’s embarrassing and why they continue to do it is mindboggling.  They are clearly not worried about their kids, only their own fame.  Next week will be interesting and I will be watching because I can’t stop.  I am addicted and keeping the faith.

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