March 9, 2011 | 9:58 am

The Ghost of Online Dating Hell is Back

Posted by Ilana Angel

Follow me on

I got asked out on a date last night.  A man I had been on a date with over a year ago, called to see if I would like to go out with him again.  He was very sweet and charming and said he had been thinking about me and our date from long ago.  He felt compelled to ask me out again.

Here is the blog I wrote after our first and only date:

Dating Hell                                                
Originally posted on December 14, 2009

I had a brutal weekend.  I tweaked my back at yoga, my cat decided that she likes the taste of my couch, I was let down by someone I trusted, and to top it all off, I had the most horrific date ever.  With all the rain I should have just stayed in. but instead my search for love won out.

If you took a poll of a million people from all corners of the earth, and had them to share their most disgusting dating experience, mine would win.  I went back and forth about whether or not to even write about it because it’s truly mortifying, but at the end of the day I must share.

I got an email Saturday morning from an online dater who seemed like a nice guy. We decided to be spontaneous and meet for lunch. I was 5 minutes early and he was 15 minutes late.  He look disheveled and appeared to be drunk.  I wanted to leave but hung on because I didn’t want to be rude.

He sat down, ordered a drink, the waitress brought it over, he took a sip, told her it was watered down, she told him she was sorry and said she would have the bartender redo it, he started yelling that she was a stupid b*&%@.  I was stunned, she started to cry, I got up to leave.

I walked with her to the front, told her I was sorry, gave her $20 and headed out as the manager was asking him to leave.  I handed in my valet ticket and prayed the car would come quickly.  I’m waiting with the valet guy when Drunky comes out and starts begging me not to go.

He tells me to come back in and that he is sorry he was rude.  I tell him I’m leaving, and he tells me I’m cold and to get lost.  I’m now dying and want my car.  The valet guy puts his arm around me and tells me not to worry.  I feel a tap on my shoulder and Drunky is there to ask if he can borrow $100.

I thank the valet guy, hug him, give him $20 and as I turn around to walk to the car, Drunky bends over and begins to vomit on my boots.  He is now throwing up on my boots.  I look at the valet guy, he looks at me, I start crying, he calls for back up, and Drunky is laughing.

They bring out pitchers of water, clean off my boots and call the cops to come help Drunky.  I’m in shock, stunned by the entire exchange, and Drunky is sitting on the ground telling everyone he is not drunk and that the waitress was lying about putting vodka in his drink.

I want to be in the Guinness World Book of Records for having survived this one.  I find it hard to believe anyone has had a worse date but if you have, let me know.  Drunky has called to apologize but I’m not taking that call.  I hope he is well, appreciate the apology. and think I might change my number.

There is only place you can possibly go after a date like this.  The one special place that can make it better and take the sting out is The Cheesecake Factory.  My friend Geri and I went to the Sherman Oaks Galleria location for Sunday brunch.  Our waitress, Erica, was perfect.  I explained I had a rough date the day before and she ran with it and could not have been any better.

I asked to speak to a manager because it’s important for them to hear when things are good not just bad.  The manager on duty, Mark, came over, listened to my praise of Erica, and agreed my date wins the Worse Date Ever Award and my prize was a complimentary piece of the world’s greatest cheesecake.  He was fantastic and I adored them both.

The world is full of very strange people and sometimes it’s the kindness of a stranger that makes a difference.  At the end of the day I will be fine, Drunky will hopefully get it together, and if you need a great place to eat in the valley, you can go see Erica and Mark at the Sherman Oaks Cheesecake Factory.

Thank you to Geri for making me laugh, reminding me that tomorrow is always a new beginning, and that all we need to do is keep the faith.

=================================

So what does one do?  He was apologetic, said he was mortified and embarrassed by what had happened.  I actually ran into him at the market a few months after our date and he bought me flowers and said sorry.  He said it took him a while to get himself together and wanted another chance.

He explained that our original date had been on a bad day, he was indeed drunk, but it was an isolated case.  He was not an alcoholic, we had just met at an unfortunate time.  He said he was in a better place, was happy and healthy, and wanted an opportunity to make it up to me.

Can’t do it.  I told him I appreciated so much that he felt the need to call all this time later and say sorry.  The thing is, my lasting memory of this man is of him puking on my shoes.  It’s an image that is near impossible to get rid of, and I just don’t see me ever letting it go.

It does make for a great story.  If we went out and found love it would certainly be entertaining to tell people we met when he hurled on me.  I almost feel bad because I think he is sincere and it took huge balls for him to call me all this time later and ask me out again.

We had a good laugh and I politely told him I would have to pass.  He was charming and said I clearly needed time to think about it and he would call me again in a few days.  It’s sweet but a few more days won’t really matter.  We had a date, it did not go well, so no do-overs.

I might change my mind.  Who knows how I will feel when he calls back.  Love is elusive so maybe I need to turn the past into a good story instead of a brick wall.  We’ll see what happens.  At the end of the day it’s a reminder that forgiveness is important when keeping the faith.

March 8, 2011 | 12:46 pm

The Bachelor Stole Another 2 Valuable Hours From My Life

Posted by Ilana Angel

There is nobody on the planet that is more excited for this season of The Bachelor to be over than me.  It has been painful and I am completely and totally over it.  This show went down the toilet this year and this Women Tell Special was a complete waste of my time.  One more torturous week to go.

Last night’s show was 2 hours long and should have been 30 minutes tops.  The constant recapping is excruciating.  I love ABC, love it, but come on.  Does every episode need to be 2 hours?  I watch it on DVR and skip over all the commercials and most of the recapping so I’m in for 38 minutes.

Chris Harrison is lovely.  I have met him, interviewed him for the Jewish Journal, and totally think he is charming.  That said, who cares about anything that he has to say?  He is funny, smart, great in person and brilliant with a live audience so why not give him a role that matters?  He is wasted here.

The show then takes us to “Bachelor Parties” where past cast members get together, drink, and sleep together.  These people are sleazy and some of them will be back for season two of Bachelor Pad this summer.  The only person I dig, or really even remember, is Vienna.

Vienna is the only reason I would watch Bachelor Pad. It’s bad enough I’m addicted to The Bachelor so I’m refuse to invest time in watching a bunch of skanks and douchebags who are clinging onto their 15 minutes of fame for a summer of debauchery.  I’ll pass.

The best part, and by best part of course I mean the only good thing about the show last night was commercials for Dancing With The Stars.  I’m excited to see Kirstie Alley and I hope she takes it seriously, not as a joke like Margaret Cho.  I want her to do well.

Ashley H. is back as a brunette and looks great.  Rumor has it that she is the new Bachelorette so we’ll see.  She could be good.  In watching the ladies talk about the season the thing that comes across so clearly is how young they all are.  They really are a naïve group of very young ladies.

Recap, recap, recap, blah, blah, blah.  I’m at minute 26 of 120 and not sure I will make it.  I’m watching it on tape this morning and if it were not 9:00 am I would be drinking to take the edge off.  I now need to listen to Michelle fake cry and pull the “I left my daughter” sympathy card.

They are doing a prolonged recap with people that I don’t even remember.  Why am I watching this? I am at home, on my day off, watching the Bachelor, hoping the fire alarm goes off.  That would be great.  I could stop watching and there would be firemen.  Wishful thinking.

Michelle is going on and on about leaving her daughter, and how her sense of humor was not understood.  She is crying, explaining that she just wanted to find love.  I have never wanted a drink so bad.  The other women are now attacking her for being a bad mother.

I’m not sure how their not liking her turned into an attack on how she is as a mother.  Women are gross to each other.  We don’t know anything about Michelle as a mother.  The whole process takes only a few weeks to shoot and I’m sure her daughter was fine and not home alone.

These women make me sick.  Here’s a thought, make Michelle the new Bachelorette.  She will be hilarious, racy, and really good television.  I would watch that season for sure. Nice change up to put the psycho in the driver’s seat.  It will never happen which is a shame.

Ashley S. is up next and she reminds me of Kellie Pickler.  She is young and sweet and I hope she meets someone great.  Poor thing.  She talks about needing closure from Brad.  Really?  He did not pick you.  That’s all the closure you need.  Trust me, he did you a favor.

Sidebar:  Is Chris Harrison getting paid every time he says “defense mechanism”?  That’s his go to thing for the night.  Ashley admits that she loved Brad, and blew it, and it’s sad that she walked away but she should be counting her lucky starts because she is too good for him.

She says a few things that would indicate that she in fact the next Bachelorette.  Could be her.  Boring, but I will watch.  She is going on about how sorry she is, and how she wants to tell Brad she is sorry, which is pathetic and a sad example of how women don’t value themselves.

Brad comes out and is lame.  He is in love, has a “significant other”.  I am trying to care but in the end I just don’t give a crap.  I could care less about this guy and I hope he picked Chantal and sets Emily free.  I will hate it if he picks Emily.  Ashley is apologizing again.  Enough.

It’s down to Chantal and Emily and I think it’s Chantal.  He was so into her parents and their money that you knew she was the one.  Emily is perfection but not enough of a driving personality to be the Bachelorette, so I think this will be end of the Bachelor road for her.

Next week is the big finale and “most dramatic rose ceremony ever”.  I don’t care if we get a fairytale ending, just as long as it ends. I don’t think everlasting love will be found this season, but for the next one, I won;t hold my breath but wiiI keep the faith.

3 Comments — Leave your comment

March 7, 2011 | 11:24 pm

Bethenny Frankel is a Broken Record.

Posted by Ilana Angel

This week’s show starts with Bethenny talking about how this is her time.  Her life is very glamorous and she has a make up artist, a hairdresser, and a stylist.  She is so fancy.  Never once mentioning how wonderful it is for her family, only for her.  And so the ugly begins.

It’s all about Bethenny, all of the time, and while she says things that are so cute and charming, her brashness trumps it all and she is occasionally unappealing.  I want so much to like her and in the end it just never quite clicks in.  I’m not buying what she is trying to sell.

Sidebar:  Why does she need a hairdresser to come and give her a ponytail?  Really?  You need to hire someone to come and put your hair in a ponytail?  Can you spell pretentious Bethenny?  Bethenny and Jason go out to eat on their way to a party that she is drooling over, and he could care less about.

They run into Nick who interviewed for the intern job that eventually went to Max.  I love this kid.  Bethenny is stoked to see him, buys him dinner and wants to talk to him about everything.  It’s one of the moments when you love her for being so lovely.  I want to go out for dinner with Nick.

I want him to have his own show, get rich, and be able to eat at any restaurant he wants to, and meet a nice girl, and get married, and have her understand him, and live happily ever after.  I know we need to get back to her, but seriously, this is a really compelling kid and I love him.

In the car Bethenny tells Jason that she is worried that her life is too much about her and not them.  She sounds insincere.  Her words are fake, for television, and spoken by the same girl who fake cries constantly and made up her childhood for sympathy and good ratings.

She goes off about how hard her life is and fake cries about her exhaustion.  She is a broken record.  They are sitting at home talking about whatever and Jason says he would like to go to his parents on the weekend, but she does not want to go, and won’t let him take the baby.

It’s the same show every week.  Jason is a doll, and she is a spoiled brat who belittles her husband and treats him like garbage.  The more he talks in a calm manner, the more she looks crazy, sounds deranged, and gets uglier and uglier.  She is mean, selfish, and narcissistic.

Bethenny is talking with Julie and she gives her a promotion and a raise.  What’s so interesting is that Bethenny goes on about how Julie knows every single thing about her, but yet she sounded surprised to hear that Julie was moving into a new apartment.  She really is only into herself.

Bethenny is doing a makeover with Julie and the producer of the segment comes in, he is cute, and she makes a fool of herself flirting with him.  It’s creepy.  Julie is getting her hair done and Bethenny makes it about her again.  She is a master of twisting everything to her.

The before and after makeover is revealed and Julie looks beautiful.  The Rachael Ray show does a great job and Bethenny says she is so happy she makes these things happen for Julie.  Really?  You did not make it happen Bethenny, Rachael made it happen.  It was about Julie.

Sidebar:  I would rather change my baby on my lap and get covered with his poop than change him on the floor of a public bathroom.  Just saying.  Bethenny is at therapy and her doctor is great.  She is spewing about Jason’s family and how they are overtaking their lives.

Jason and Bethenny are out for drinks and Jason is adorable.  He is fabulous and wasted on this narcissist.  Her therapist clearly tells her to not discuss visiting Jason’s parents with Jason, but they are out on a date for 5 minutes and she is all over it.  Not a good listener Bethenny.

He again talks about how she does not want to be with his parents on every holiday, and he is a mensch about the whole thing.  She says she does not want to go through life thinking she is the crazy one.  Newsflash Bethenny, you are the crazy one and we will happily keep reminding you.

Crying, complaining, screaming.  She is stressed out.  Blah. Blah. Blah.  Bethenny, you are ruining things by talking.  Just stop.  Look at what you have and just stop. We’re in your corner.  A lot of times we want to slam you up against the wall, but it’s a wall in your corner sweetie.

I cannot stop watching this show.  I find Bethenny to be beautiful and ugly, endearing and repulsive.  I’m in and will keep watching.  Next week looks great and I hope she fires Max and hires Nick.  This show is a train wreck so I’m buckling up, enjoying the ride, and keeping the faith.

60 Comments — Leave your comment

March 7, 2011 | 2:22 am

Dear Mike Huckabee, You are a Douchelord

Posted by Ilana Angel

Mr. Huckabee,

With all due respect, I don’t care about your opinion of my being a single mother. As for my calling you a douchelord, it is said with all the respect you deserve, which in my opinion is none.  You have offended a group of women you know nothing about.

I am a single mother.  I am not an “actress or a millionaire”.  I have never had a “nanny or a baby nurse”.  I am not “poor or under-educated”.  I have a job and do not “collect financial assistance from the government”, so do not generalize all single mothers as the same.

I put my son through 10 years of a very expensive private school education entirely on my own.  My son is smart, funny, charming and impacting the world in a positive way.  He cares about people and the planet.  He is making a difference and is being raised by a single mother.

Barack Obama the 44th President, Andrew Jackson, the 7th President, Herbert Hoover, the 31st President, Bill Clinton, the 42nd President, and Gerald Ford, the 38th President, were all raised by single moms.  They became President, and you never will.

Single mothers raised Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas, and Justice Clarence Thomas.  I could go on but since you probably don’t know who these people are, it’s a waste of my time.  You should be ashamed of yourself for your ignorant, and politically biased words.

You are offensive, and for the record, Natalie Portman is not raising her child alone.  Bristol Palin on the other hand, is working very hard to ensure that she is a single mother.  Where are your comments about Ms. Palin and her unwed teenage pregnancy?

You decided to say something controversial in a feeble attempt to get publicity for a book you are trying to sell.  I won’t mention your book by name but if someone reading here wants to read your book, they can Google “judgmental douchelords” and I’m sure the title will pop up.

I know there are a lot of single moms who are struggling.  I also know there are a lot of women who are married, educated and struggling.  People are struggling because your pal Bush killed our country for 8 years and we are all just hoping to hang in until it can be fixed.

Do not presume to know anything about me, my life, my child, or my struggles.  I am educated, successful, a taxpayer of the United States of America and a single mother.  You know nothing about me so keep your opinions about me, Natalie Portman, and all single mothers to yourself.

I feel sorry for you Mr. Huckabee as you Sir, are a douchlord.  Stick to talking about things you know, which shouldn’t be hard as I’m sure the list of topics is rather small.  I am a single mother Mr. Huckabee.  Know that you will never get my vote, and I will always keep the faith.

20 Comments — Leave your comment

March 4, 2011 | 9:09 am

Tarot Cards, Online Dating, Gay Love in Israel & the Smell of a Whore

Posted by Ilana Angel

I had my tarot cards read this week.  It was an interesting reading.  I knew exactly what the cards were telling me which is awesome.  My mom came up a lot and all is well with her and my son, work looks good, and there was nothing bad looming around the corner.

Another thing not coming anytime soon is love.  There was no love in my cards.  None.  Not a date, not a possibility, not a chance.  Nothing.  It was sad really.  No matter how I divided the cards, there was nothing.  It would appear that I shall be single for a while longer.

Since the cards said I will be alone, I cancelled all my online dating accounts.  It was time.  It’s not like they gently whispered it was not my time, they got up in my face, yelled in a harsh tone, and when I turned my back, started laughing.  They mocked me.

I deleted my profile off of match.com, plentyoffish, and ok cupid.  I was only on AshleyMadison for two days as research, and I would rather be alone in my apartment with 18 cats than go on JDate, so I’m all clear.  The world of online dating will go on with one less sucker.

A lot of my searching online is experimental.  I am single, write about being single, and it is a popular way for single people to meet, so it makes sense that I would do it.  It’s a lot of work however and I’m tired, and frankly don’t really care at the moment, so the cards did me a favor.

They could have been nicer about delivering the message, but a favor is a favor so thank you tarot cards.  I’m taking a break from online dating and will focus my attention on loitering around the produce section of Whole Foods, like people used to do the golden days of dating.

I’ve always had success at Whole Foods.  By success of course I mean I have met some really wonderful, charming, and handsome gay men at Whole Foods.  If I were a gay man, looking for love, I would be searching for love everyday at Whole Foods.  Whole Foods needs a singles night.

Speaking of gay love, there is a new ad campaign coming out of Israel called “Size Doesn’t Matter” and it’s tag line is “Israel, Small Country Big Pride”.  They have a funny video about gay travel to Israel.  You can see it here: Big Pride and visit their website at Size Doesn’t Matter.

It’s a great message and they have done some great things with it.  I’m not sure who came up with the idea, or how well it’s doing, but whoever it is should look into opening a Whole Foods in Tel Aviv.  Seriously, ca-ching!  I love Israel and this campaign to boost tourism is perfect.

While it was a smooth transition from my abrupt quitting of all online dating to being gay in Israel, I need to transition again and since I can’t find a seamless way to do it, let’s just jump topics one last time because although it may not fit in this piece, I really want to talk about it.

Yesterday I stepped into an elevator and was attacked by a smell so horrific I almost passed out.  It made my eyes water and I could taste the smell.  It was beyond disgusting and if I had to guess what it was, I would say it was a bottle of Giorgio of Beverly Hills perfume.

Whoever wore it did not buy a bottle of the classic scent from the 80’s, she bought a bottle of Georg-ee-oh of Baverlay Hulls from the dollar store and to be clear, smelled like a cheap whore.  I’m not sure when she rode the elevator, but she left a very lasting impression.

I was tempted to follow the smell, find her, do her a favor and tell her that she smells like a whore, but I was week from the smell and I worried if I found her I might actually kill her.  Heed my advice ladies, do not buy perfume at the dollar store.  Even if you are a whore.

I am certain that this woman bathed in it, put it all over her hair, sprayed her coat separately from her body, and carried it around for a refreshing touch up throughout the day.  Why?  Why are you doing this whore?  Please stop.  You are burning a whole in the ozone with your smell.

My tarot cards did not mention that I would kill anyone so the whore is safe.  If I ever smell her again however, there are no promises.  I wish you all a wonderful weekend, and a peaceful and restful Shabbat.  Be safe, be kind to a stranger, tell someone you love them, and keep the faith.

5 Comments — Leave your comment

March 3, 2011 | 1:23 am

Problems, Pimples, Periods, Parenting, Perfection & Prayer

Posted by Ilana Angel

I’ve got problems.  Well, I think I’ve got problems. I live in America, am free to say whatever I want, write whatever I’m feeling, and practice my faith.  I have a car, a roof over my head, and food on my table.  I have a job, a family, a child, and love of Judaism.  Do I have problems?

I woke up this morning with a pimple and my period.  I am almost forty-five years old, and I woke up in the same situation as millions of teenage girls around the world.  Who gets a pimple at this age?  Have I not earned the right to be done with acne as a middle-aged woman?

I am not going to have another child so why do I need my period?  I’m bloated, broken out, bitchy, and tired.  I’m actually beyond tired.  I am exhausted.  I cried most of yesterday.  For no reason.  My hormones are raging, and as a result I simply cannot stop crying.

It totally sucks that I have grown up problems AND teenage problems simultaneously.  I’ve already been through adolescent crap, so if I am going to struggle through grown up issues, is it too much ask that my skin look good and I not have cramps?  Seriously. 

All I want to do is just say &%#@ it, crawl into bed, and deal with it tomorrow, but I can’t because I am a mom.  My job is to take care of my son, give him a loving and supportive home, and make sure he is happy and safe.  There is no time off from motherhood.

My child is perfect.  We went out for dinner last night and it was great.  He makes me laugh, brings me joy, and is a truly remarkable person.  We got home from dinner, settled in for the night, and when he thanked me for dinner and told me he loved me, I started sobbing.

He panicked for about 5 seconds, asking me what was wrong, and then he started laughing. I asked him what was so funny and he told me he thought something was wrong then realized I must just have my period.  My 15 year old laughed at me and my hormonal sobbing.

When you’re a boy, living alone with your mom, you’re going to learn about periods. It’s just a part of life.  Between periods, learning how to do dishes, laundry, putting your cloths in the hamper, and putting down the toilet seat, this kid will be golden with the ladies.

It was funny and gave me perspective.  I don’t have problems.  I have a son who is perfection and the answer to all of my prayers.  I love him and our lives are blessed. As for the pimple and the cramps, I borrowed his blemish cream, self-medicated, and am keeping the faith.

4 Comments — Leave your comment

March 2, 2011 | 12:24 pm

Does Designer John Galliano Love Hitler When He’s Drunk ?  Who Cares?

Posted by Ilana Angel

John Galliano, who is the head designer for the House of Dior, got drunk and said he loved Hitler.  It was captured on video by a cell phone, at a bar in Paris.  From what I can gather, he was out drinking, raised his glass and said cheers to the other patrons, someone thought he was a homeless guy, started to berate him, he got pissed off, they got into it, he said he loved Hitler.  As a result, he was fired from his job.

I’m a Jew, frightened by anti-Semitism, fearful for the future of Jews, and the hate my child may face because of his faith, but that said, who cares?  If Galliano thinks that as an openly homosexual man, who is flamboyant and living his gay life out loud, he would be friends with Hitler, he needs to be in a mental hospital because his friend Adolf would have him marching to the gas chamber with all the Jews.

Everyone is losing their minds because of his comments but let’s get real for a minute.  Are we not panicking and making the situation worse?  Sharon Stone and Nicole Kidman wore Dior to the Oscars, AFTER the video came out, so are they Hitler supporters?  Is every person who ever makes a joke about Jews an anti-Semite?  Where do we draw the line between an unfortunate slur and hatred of the Jewish people?

Galliano released the follwoing statement:

“Since the events of last Thursday evening I have not been able to make any public comment on what took place based upon advice from my French lawyer. However, given the continuing delays at the French Prosecutor’s Office I should make my position clear.

I completely deny the claims made against me and have fully co-operated with the police investigation.

A number of independent witnesses have given evidence and have told the police that I was subjected to verbal harassment and an unprovoked assault when an individual tried to hit me with a chair having taken violent exception to my look and my clothing. For these reasons I have commenced proceedings for defamation and the threats made against me.

However, I fully accept that the accusations made against me have greatly shocked and upset people.

I must take responsibility for the circumstances in which I found myself and for allowing myself to be seen to be behaving in the worst possible light.

I only have myself to blame and I know that I must face up to my own failures and that I must work hard to gain people’s understanding and compassion. To start this process I am seeking help and all I can hope for in time is to address the personal failure, which led to these circumstances and try and earn people’s forgiveness.

I have fought my entire life against prejudice, intolerance and discrimination, having been subjected to it myself. In all my work my inspiration has been to unite people of every race, creed, religion and sexuality by celebrating their cultural and ethnic diversity through fashion. That remains my guiding light.

Anti-Semitism and racism have no part in our society. I unreservedly apologize for my behavior in causing any offense.”

I don’t think John Galliano hates Jewish people, and I’d bet money that he does not love Hitler.  It’s an unfortunate statement, and everyone jumped on it without taking a moment to look at the bigger picture.  He is a genius, he got drunk, felt threatened, and made a huge mistake.  Should he be publically humiliated and lose his job over it?  I just don’t think so.  I feel bad for him.  He’s a schmuck, but the reaction to the video is over the top.

There are a lot of people who openly hate the Jewish people and wish us harm.  It would be better if our outcries where targeted to those people, instead of a 50 year old gay man, who clearly has a drinking problem, and has never before, in his long and illustrious career, had an anti-Semitic moment.  Mel Gibson hates Jews.  John Galliano does not.  The difference is quite clear and saying they are the same is not fair and simply stupid.

I wish Mr. Galliano health and peace as he works through this difficult time.  I accept his apology and hope he gets his job back.  As a Jew I am a little embarrassed as how quickly my “people” jump on the hate bandwagon.  Sometimes a mistake is a mistake, and not anything bigger.  Take a deep breath, show some compassion, allow forgiveness, and keep the faith.

10 Comments — Leave your comment

March 1, 2011 | 8:54 am

The Best Part of The Bachelor Was Dancing With the Stars

Posted by Ilana Angel

I started to watch The Bachelor and after 30 seconds of listening to his painfully annoying voice, and the constant repetition and recapping of past episodes, I had to start fast forwarding for fear that if I did not, I would suffocate myself just to make it end.

I skipped though 1 hour and 37 minutes and seriously don’t think I missed a thing.  I rejoined the show just as Chris Harrison was setting up the rose ceremony.  Then Brad asks if he can speak with Ashley alone for a minute.  They are talking about how their date tanked.

I was tempted to go back and watch what happened but in the end I didn’t care enough to do it.  I was about cave and go back when Brad said that he’s “been thinking about their date and does not understand what happened.”  As soon as he said it I could not stop laughing.

I think he actually may have hurt himself with all the thinking.  Maybe he pulled something, which caused him to have slowed and slurred speech, and it was hilarious.  He is a dufus and Ashley is lucky that she blew their date and got she hell out of there and away from Mr. Gump.

He goes back and starts talking to Chantal and Emily and I start praying for a power outage.  There are now two women and two roses but he still goes ahead and asks them if they want a rose and it is so ridiculous that I feel I might hurl.  Brad makes me want to projectile vomit.

Instead of puking I poured myself a glass of wine and went through the list of the newest cast members of Dancing With The Stars.  I love this show.  I think Brooke Burke is useless, but I think Tom Bergeron is the most talented of all reality competition hosts and needs to win an Emmy for DWTS.

This cast can be separated into three categories:  1) People I am familiar with, and have an opinion about.  2) People I have never heard of, and have an opinion about.  3) The wildcard celebrity who might surprise us by being both entertaining and a really good dancer.

GROUP 1

Sugar Ray Leonard – I love him.
Ralph Macchio – The one I am most excited about.
Kirstie Alley – She will be entertaining.
Wendy Williams - Buckle up people.
Kendra Wilkinson – The Va-va-Voom factor

GROUP 2

Romeo – Whatever.
Petra Nemkova – Blah. Blah. Blah.
Chelsea Kane – B’Bye.
Hines Ward – Okay.
“Psycho Mike” Catherwood – Really?

GROUP 3

Chris Jericho - Bam!

I love Dancing With The Stars and even though this isn’t the greatest group of celebs, there are enough that I care about to watch.  The truth is, even if I didn’t have interest in any of them, I would still watch because it’s entertaining, inspiring, and Tom is divine.

Even more exciting than the beginning of DWTS newest season, is that it will mark the end of The Bachelor and maybe we can finally say goodbye to Brad Womack.  The crap of The Bachelor is leading us to the beauty of DWTS and for that I am grateful and keeping the faith.

2 Comments — Leave your comment