Posted by Ilana Angel
I have been in love with Justin Bieber for a week. I listen to his music, went to see his movie, and have decided he is a great role model, and his mother is a hero for raising him to be a good kid, with a good work ethic, and a connection to his faith. After my week long infatuation, I am sad to report that today Justin and I almost broke up.
I love Justin Bieber and when I posted on my Facebook page that I was breaking up with him because of his Rolling Stone interview, I was accused of going on a witch hunt and building him up, only to bring him down. I was told he is just a kid and I need to let it go. Let me think about it for a second…. nope. Not going to happen. I’m not letting this one go.
In his Rolling Stone interview, Justin says he does not believe in abortion. When asked about abortion after a rape, Bieber said, “Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I don’t know how that would be a reason. I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.” It was a bad answer to an even worse question.
First, let me say that Rolling Stone contributing editor Vanessa Grigoriadis is out of line. She’s got huge balls to ask a 16 year old kid what his opinion of abortion is, and if that opinion changes if rape is involved. This is a pop star not a politician, and she should be ashamed of herself for asking such a stupid question. There was no way he could answer correctly.
Was there nobody with him at this interview, listening to these questions, and telling Vanessa to stop with this line of questioning? Why was he not protected? I think it’s sad that the questions were asked and even sadder that he was allowed to answer. Rolling Stone at 16 is awesome, but was it worth it to have this be what everyone is talking about?
He was going to piss someone off and that’s not fair. He’s a kid, he is darling, and he is talented, but he answered a question that he never should have, and that never should have been asked in the first place. I think Rolling Stone owes this kid and his family an apology. I love you Justin and I don’t want to break up with you, so let’s clarify a couple of things.
Here is what you need to know my darling: we don’t care about your opinion on abortion. Don’t take it personally because unless you’ve got a uterus, it does not matter who you are, we don’t care. You are entitled to your opinion, and you should follow your faith, but you should never share you opinion on such a touchy subject, on such a big scale.
Now, I too believe that things happen for a reason and I assume that when you said that in terms of a rape, you were trying to lean on your faith in that God would not allow something to happen that you could not handle, or something along those lines. Let me tell you my sweet boy that you are simply wrong on this one and I will happily explain why.
Rape does not happen for a reason, and God does not allow these things to happen because there is a reason for it. Rape and God have nothing to do with each other. My family has been touched by rape and it did not happen for a reason. God helped us heal, and he wept with sorrow, but there was no reason for it to happen and you need to know that.
You are a kid and you don’t need to have an opinion on these things right now. That said, you are also a man and you should know that rape is violent and you need to be supportive of women, and understand that not wanting to have a baby that was conceived during a vicious attack is a special set of circumstance that I pray will never touch your family.
I love you Justin Bieber. You are in an impossible position and there is certainly a witch hunt to cut you down. I don’t want to judge you for a mistake that a reporter made, I just want you to understand what you said. An apology would be nice. It’s not required of course, but it would be nice, and the right thing to do. You know that because you are a good kid.
I hope this one statement does not define you. You made a mistake but it was not your fault so don’t stress out, say you are sorry, and move on. Keep your opinions on hot topic issues to yourself, and focus on being a super star. I forgive you for your misstep and am not breaking up with you today. You are wonderful, I am hopeful, and together we will keep the faith.
If you are a victim of rape, please call RAINN/Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network at 1.800.656.HOPE. 1-800-656-4673 or visit www.rainn.org for more information.
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11.28.13 at 7:59 am | Think. Laugh. Cry.
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11.29.13 at 1:56 pm | My nest will never empty as my son will always be. . . (381)
9.15.13 at 3:14 pm | I love you Russell Brand. (302)
February 16, 2011 | 10:13 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
This week’s Bachelor was gross. I want so much to believe in this show because I love Emily and I want her to be happy and find love, but with each week I find Brad more and more sleazy. I hope he picks anyone but Emily so she can be the next Bachelorette. Or even better, she meets a normal and great guy at church, gets married, and calls it a day.
The gang has gone to Anguilla. Gorgeous. Brit says that she never thought she’d be able to go someplace so beautiful and it’s a bonus to find “romance”. There you have it, in the first 30 seconds of the show we know she is going home. The other girls are all professing their love for Brad, and she hopes to fine “romance”. Not going to happen Brit.
Emily gets the first one-on-one date and a helicopter comes to pick them up. Emily says that Brad does too much for their dates. Really Sweetie? Here’s the thing, he is not doing anything for your dates honey. He is simply following the script. He is not paying for any of it, or making any decisions about what you do. It’s television my darling girl.
They have the “this is so scary talk” and it’s lame. Everything Brad says is making my skin crawl and everything that Emily says makes me want to shout at the television, “Run away from the Douchelord Em!” As the second date card arrives, I can’t help but think that if I had a daughter, I would rather her find love with a convicted felon than on the Bachelor.
This show brings out all the insecurities of women and makes them act ridiculous. The stroking of this man’s ego is insane and he is gross. I did not like him the first time he was on the show, have been vocal about how lame I think he is this season, and with each week I find myself more pissed off at the producers for wasting our time with this dumbass.
Emily says at dinner that she is not sure she wants Brad to meet her kid if he comes to her hometown. Good for her. I really hope she sticks with it and does not allow him to meet her. It will be interesting to see what she decides to do. Emily is the only thing about this season that is even remotely interesting and does not make me want to stab myself.
Shawntel N. has her date. She is super cute and totally wasting her time with Dumbo. I skipped over their entire date because I am fighting the flu and they were making me feel even sicker which I did not think was possible. Next date is with Brit, poor thing. It was over before it even began. It’s a miracle she lasted this long, but she is out.
Sidebar: There is a site dedicated to The Bachelor called Accept This Rose It is entertaining and totally worth taking a look at. Take a look even if you hate this show because it’s funny. They have posted a funny video that you can watch here: Brad’s Tips For Dumping a Girl Make sure you read the subtitles! I may blog about this show, but these chicks are serious, and it’s great.
For the group date they have decided to have the girls audition for porn. It’s the most horrific thing that this show has ever done. The girls are all asked to take their tops off at a bikini photo shoot and it’s mortifying, but more importantly, completely inappropriate and damaging television for women. They turned sweet girls into skanks. Funny, but not cool.
Brad behaves like a pig, and then says he is sorry. He does that a lot. If it walks like a pig, and talks like a pig, it’s a douchelord. Chantel O. is unstable and needs to be medicated. We’ve been talking about how Michelle is crazy one but let’s be clear, Chantel is the unstable one. She is a mess and watching her is sad. It makes me laugh, but still totally sad.
Chantel is crying, does not want to talk to Brad, and is happy to simply humiliate herself on television. She is bawling, telling Brad to just send her home. She is unraveling and it’s sad. She is pushy and bossy, but she is also vulnerable, recently divorced, and I feel for her that she is putting herself out there and feeling bad about herself.
I believe in love and believe in this process, but this season is forcing me to take off my, pardon the pun, rose colored glasses, and see that in the end it’s mean. This season is mean spirited and I think a lot of that is due to Brad. He never should have been allowed to come back. Giving him another chance makes a mockery of the process and treats the fans like morons.
Sidebar: This week’s US Magazine has a cover story about Brad and his “Double Life”. Brad’s ex-girlfriend, Laurel Kagey tells the mag that Brad was asking her to marry him just before he started shooting the new season. Interesting of course that she waited until now to come forward, but whatever, she did, and I believe her. Is Brad a fraud just in it for the money?
Kagey shares text messages from Brad, which would indicate that she is telling the truth. He did another season for the money and perhaps so that he can pick nobody, proving that she is the one he loves, and then getting her to marry him. He dated her before his first stint on the Bachelor, after the first time, and before the second time. He’s a snake.
It’s an interesting article and I recommend it. On January 10th, in talking about Kagey, Brad told US, “It’s sad that someone would drum up something that’s completely false.” About his new love from the show, he says, “She’s very feisty. She does not put up with many of my shenanigans and I like that.” Well there you have it, he did not pick Emily!
Emily is a lot of things, but feisty is not one of them. I’m thinking he has picked Ashley and I bet by the time the behind the final rose special airs, there will be tension and they will be broken up by the summer and he will marry Kagey. This show is lame and how long can I really watch, hoping that they will find another Trista and Ryan? It’s getting harder every season.
Michelle is sent home and in the limo ride she lays down in the car and says nothing, while they play crazy girl music. It’s actually awesome and the best scene of the night. We see scenes from next week that give a lot away. Emily introduces Brad to her daughter and it’s not a fit. I figure he’s dumping Emily and she will be the next Bachelorette.
Shawntel takes Brad to the funeral parlor and clearly she is getting dumped. It will be Chantel and Ashley in the finale and I’m thinking he goes with Ashley, and then dumps her. Blah, blah, blah. This show is deteriorating before our eyes and it’s a shame. I will give them one more shot at getting it right, but it’s make it or break it time for me and this franchise.
If the next Bachelorette is someone good, that I want to find happiness, like Emily, I will watch. If its someone lame, I’m out. If anyone in the Bachelor camp is listening, let me just say this, we believe. As long as we believe we will watch, but you are pushing it. There is a big difference between watching with hope and watching to simply make fun of you.
It’s a brilliant concept and I am a fan. I love this show and want so much to see a happy ending. I have strong opinions, and no difficulty separating the mensches from the douchelords, and the darlings from the skanks, but I’m losing my patience. Just because a lot of people are watching, does not mean we like it. Do the right thing. We are all keeping the faith.
February 14, 2011 | 11:19 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Hello world. Ilana Angel, my mom, is sick with the flu right now so I, her devoted and fantastic son, will be blogging on her behalf. I would just like the record to show that my mom is amazing. She is the coolest, funniest, nicest, and most affectionate person I will ever be blessed to know.
To all her loyal readers, she hopes to be better tomorrow and will blog about The Bachelor then. I know you all wait for that blog every Tuesday! I think that show is lame, but she loves Reality TV.
I was trying to think of some fun things I could write about. I came up with these topics: my life, my time with my mom, puberty, the ladies, money, the economy, politics, and religion. I decided in the end that maybe I would write a little about all of these things.
My life is great. I live in a beautiful home. I have by far the coolest mom. I have nice clothes, two really cool cats, and the greatest friends. I love my life. School is great. I got all B’s on my last report card, with a few smiling A’s sprinkled in. My teachers are all really cool. I just really like school. I don’t really have much more to say about that.
My life with my mom is even better. My mom is fantastic. I trust her with anything. She is giving and nurturing. She always keeps a few dollars in the glove compartment incase we see someone in need of it. She keeps blankets in the trunk to pass out to homeless people. She lets me curse in the house. I really like/abuse that freedom. I mean, I have boundaries, but who doesn’t?
I asked her what language I could use here before I started, so I decided it would just be easier for everyone if I just get it all out now. So here we go: damn, hell, bitch, douchebag, crap, skizzy biznatch, whore, skank, hooker, and lint-licker. Now doesn’t that just feel great?! Sometimes using cuss words just feels good. Like when you stub a toe. Start cursing and it will feel better. Really.
These are just a few of the things I love about her. She is very understanding too. Just tonight, we were talking about sex at dinner. Normally that would be considered weird for a kid to talk to his mother about, but she is honest and open with me so it was really eye opening actually. Sex sounds pretty nice. I’m excited. My mom says I will enjoy it more if I wait until after college. She’s cute. Which leads me to my next topic: Puberty.
Puberty sucks. I hate it. Your voice cracks, acne comes, and you get hair places where you thought hair wouldn’t go. It just sucks. You also start questioning yourself on everything. Do I wear this? Do I ask her out? Is this right? Should I try this? Ugh! So many questions! I can’t handle it. I liked life when I was like 6. It was 10 times easier. The only questions you have are how babies are made and what does this do? I am 15 but wish I were six again.
Do you want to know what I’ve been thinking about for the past hour? Boobs. I’m just going to be honest. They are so fantastic. Just beautiful pieces of work. Thank you so much God. I really appreciate them. But something even better than boobs is what they are attached to. Women.
I don’t think you will ever meet a boy who respects women as much as I do. I think they deserve it. My mom taught me that. I think it has really helped me understand how to treat a woman by living with a single mother. There are certain things I look for in a girl. I like girls who are beautiful, funny, silly, kind, smart, gentle, like to laugh, have nice hair, and her eyes. Eyes are big for me.
I think the most attractive part of a woman is her eyes. It’s the first thing I look at. But if I could have one little “extra”, it would be eyeglasses. I think glasses are so beautiful. I have no idea why. I just think glasses are so pretty. It might be a subconscious love for my mom, since coincidentally she wears glasses. I grew up with her and I think that inside I want a girl who is as strong and cool as my mom.
I consider myself to be very connected with my religion. I love being Jewish. I think the religion itself is really cool. It’s filled with really exciting stories. I think everyone should believe in something. Whether it is God, Jesus, Allah, or even a giant spaghetti monster in the sky. Everyone has to have faith. Without it, life would be nothing more than, well, a big ball of nothing. I just happen to get my faith from Judaism and my Mom.
I’m not really into politics. I follow the big things. I think people should stop getting mad at Obama. Why don’t you try fixing a country over a trillion dollars in debt, that’s also in a war. Things have to get worse before they get better people. The man, in my opinion, is doing a fantastic job. Good luck Barack. I believe in you.
The economy isn’t great. Things are getting more expensive. Did you know that the other day, I paid 2 bucks for a bottle of water? What the hell? I also think California should pass the gay marriage law. Stop getting so upset everyone. They just want to get married. So many marriages end in divorce but I don’t think I’ve ever seen an unhappy married gay couple. Our friends Andy and Patrick are married and they are awesome and happy.
That’s about all I have to write about today. I hope you feel better Mummy. Things are looking great. Life is great. Family is great. School is great. I’m just loving everything, and don’t really have anything to worry about. This was fun and maybe you’ll let me do it again. I like being your guest blogger. You’re the best mom. Thank you for teaching me to always keep the faith.
February 13, 2011 | 3:18 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
As Valentine’s Day approaches, it’s easy for a single gal to feel a little sad. It’s the day of love, and even though my life is full of people that I love, and who love me, the one thing that will be missing from Valentine’s Day is sex. According to countless medical journals, a woman reaches her sexual prime in her 40’s, but if you’re single, there is nobody to have sex with.
Sex is the one thing that separates relationships from each other. It is special, important, and the single greatest thing about being a grown up. At 44, I have reached a level of comfort when it comes to sex. No hang ups talking about it, or embracing my body so I can enjoy it. Sex is a great thing, and it took me a long time to figure it out.
There is no longer a need to suck in my stomach, or wear lingerie that covers parts that have relocated to new positions. I may not have the greatest body, but it’s mine, I know it, and I am an expert at operating it. Who would have thought that at 44 I would feel sexier than I did when I was 24? It’s a beautiful thing, and it’s being wasted by my lack of sex.
Just when I was about to pour myself a glass of wine, and enjoy an afternoon pity party, I was sent a video that has changed my perspective. It turns out there is no need to panic. Even if it takes me a little longer to meet someone worthy of having sex with, I will still be able to have and enjoy sex. Whether I’m 45, God willing, or 100, God willing, sex is going to be great.
The Los Angeles Jewish Home has created a special video about finding love. It introduces us to Dorothy and Harry, Jeanette and Ira. These love birds are in their 80’s, 90’s and yes 100 years old, and they are having sex! God Bless these crazy kids, and bravo to them for openly talking about their sex lives. I think they are adorable.
I could still have a pity party because there are people in their 100’s having more sex than me, but instead, I am going to think positive and take comfort in knowing each day I get older does not mean I am one day closer to never having sex, because sex is coming. Eventually. I will impale myself if my next sexual encounter happens when I’m 100, but it’s coming.
According to the Los Angeles Jewish Home, “being in love can boost self-esteem and decrease depression and anxiety. Being happy in a committed relationship can improve your immune system, leading to fewer colds and visits to the doctor, and can even lower blood pressure.“ Sex is a great thing that also happens to be great for you. Whoo hoo!!!
Story continued after the video. ED. NOTE: This video really gets cooking at the 2 minute mark.
I hope that everyone has love on Valentine’s Day. Whether you believe in the holiday or not, it’s a day to embrace love. I embrace love every day, which is both a blessing and a curse. Maybe I need to focus less on love and more on sex? Maybe instead of dating online, or getting set up by my friends, I need to hang out at the Los Angeles Jewish Home.
I’m not going to date a resident, but perhaps I could meet a son, grandson, or doctor, who is also inspired to find love by these love stories. Mazel Tov to these lovely couples, and congratulations to The Jewish Home for this brilliant piece of marketing. I’m still having wine, but instead of a pity party, I am toasting to finding love, and knowing it will come if I keep the faith.
February 12, 2011 | 9:14 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I am 44 years old and when it comes to Justin Bieber, my heart flutters like I am a 13 year old girl. I just love him. I love his music, his voice, his mom, his story, all of it. If he would just cut his hair, he would be about perfect. Of course if I were not 44 years old, I would probably love his hair.
I don’t know what it is about this kid that I like so much, but I really just adore him. I want him to be happy and successful. I want his dreams to come true, and I want him to not lose his way, as so many other young people have after finding success so early. He is a really special kid.
I saw Justin’s film “Never Say Never” this weekend and I absolutely loved it. Loved his mom, and his grandparents. When his dad went to his first concert, and he cried while he watched his kid, it made me cry. When his grandpa talked about how hard it was to let Justin go, I cried again.
When Justin had a headache on the tour bus and his mom climbed into bed, hugged him, and prayed for his headache to go away, I cried. When he told the little girl playing the violin outside the same theater he played at when he was starting out, to never give up on her dreams, I cried.
I know, I’m pathetic, but seriously this is a great film. All mothers should go see this movie. I not only went to see it, but I saw it with my own 15 year old son. My son has his own dreams and hopes for a big life and watching him, watch this boy’s dreams come true, was a powerful thing.
To watch Justin’s mom support the dreams of her son, making sure they were his dreams, and supporting him while keeping control, was inspiring. We all want great things for our kids, and sometimes their dreams for themselves are not the dreams we have for them.
She has done a commendable job at raising a fine young man, and allowing him to follow his dreams, without letting go of hers. You see her love for him, and her pride, and it’s touching. I think she is impressive, and her parents are lovely. They ARE Canadian, but I’m not biased.
I downloaded Justin onto my iPod today. I worked out to his songs on a loop and found myself singing along. I love this kid, love his record, and as the mother of a son whose dreams involve the entertainment industry, I will watch this young man’s career with a vested interest.
He is an inspiration to me, and his mother is a role model. I love my son, and as a single parent, stakes are high. I want him to be happy, and to always remember the lessons I have taught him, so he is a decent human being. I want his career to be a passion, and not just a job.
Since admission is the first step to recovery, my name is Ilana, and I love Justin Bieber. Go see this movie. It is really good. It will make you laugh, and cry. It will make you embrace your children’s dreams, and will even make your heart flutter. I love you Justin Bieber. Keep the faith.
February 10, 2011 | 9:19 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I love Manny Pacquiao. He is inspiring and a true hero. I wrote about Manny a while back and received a wonderful response from the people of the Philippines. You can read that blog here: Manny Blog
An entire country loves this man and I got emails from Filipino people around the world talking about how much they respect and admire him. I was moved by all the love that was sent out into the universe for Manny through the Jewish Journal.
Yesterday I went to get my eyes checked. I was in the medical building waiting for the elevator when a woman came up to me and asked if I was Ilana Angel. She was super cute and dressed in a nursing outfit. I told her I was, and she then asked if I was the “Angel from the Jewish newspaper”. I laughed and told her yes I was. Then, in the lobby of my doctor’s office, in front of a bunch of people, she hugged me.
Her name was Irene and she told me she has been in love with Manny forever and her cousin, who lives in the Philippines, sent her my blog after he found it online. She said she thought it was a great article and was so happy I had written about her hero. It was really amazing. This man has the love of so many and deserves it all. He is inspiring, talented, a mensch, and a man that I want my son to be like when he grows up. Minus the punching!
I was reminded of what a wonderful man Manny is and at the same time introduced into this week’s number one Douchelord, Christopher Lee. Lee is a Republican Congressman from New York State, and he is a pig. He resigned after he was caught contacting women on Craig’s List for dates. He was presenting himself as a 39 year old, divorced, lobbyist, when in fact he is a 46 year old, married dad.
I honestly do not understand how someone so accomplished can be such a moron. He threw away his career to get laid by a stranger online. Dumbass. It has nothing to do with what side of the political fence he is on, what matters is that he disrespected every person who voted for him, as well as his wife and child. Craig’s List? Really? This guy is an idiot and is on the A Train to hell.
I date online and this guy makes me never want to do it again. He is in the public eye, people know who he is, and yet he is willing to lie, knowing how easily he can get caught. It makes you wonder what others, with less to loose, are willing to do online in an attempt to escape their lives, or perhaps kill someone. I need to close all my dating accounts, get a cat, a Trojan massager, and call it a day.
Christopher Lee is a pig and this week’s Douchelord.
Manny Pacquiao is a mensch and I’d like to meet him one day.
Hello to my new friend Irene. Thank you for saying hello and for your kindness. It was lovely to speak with you and I look forward to reading the articles you sent me about our hero Manny. It’s interesting how two men can be so opposite. One is a saint and one is going to hell. If I am insane enough to continue my quest for love online, I hope I find myself a Manny and not a douchelord. All I can do it trust in myself, believe God has a plan, and keep the faith.
February 9, 2011 | 9:46 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
We are 6 days away from Valentine’s Day. I think having a day dedicated to love is a beautiful thing. I have Jewish friends who do not celebrate Valentine’s Day because they feel it is not permitted for Jews, and I respect their views, but I love this day and will be celebrating.
I have a date for dinner with my son, and I am really looking forward to it. That a 15 year old boy is willing to go out for dinner with his mom, on Valentine’s Day, and actually said yes when asked to be her Valentine, is a blessing. I am very proud of our relationship.
Dating around Valentine’s Day is a drag. I feel stress around New Year’s because it’s nice to have a date to kiss and ring in the New Year, but Valentine’s Day is just sad. When you are hoping to have love in your life, this day is a painful reminder that you don’t and commercials don’t help.
I’m super sensitive and sappy all the time, but diamond commercials around this time of year are brutal. Last night I sat on the couch, with my cats, when a commercial for Kay Jewelers came on, and I cried. I looked at the cats and started to explain to them why I was crying.
Yes it’s true, I spoke to my cats as if they not only understood me, but were sympathetic to my feelings. In talking to them, I was not inspired to go online and try to meet someone new and fabulous. Instead, I wondered if perhaps I should go to the animal shelter and get another cat.
Is this a sign? Could I be in the early stages of Cat-lady-itis? When getting a cat is more important than getting a date, should I be concerned? Was it only a matter of time before my priorities shifted and the companionship of a cat trumped the companionship of a man?
I joke about it a lot, but could there now be an underlying truth to my jokes? Am I really a cat lady? I have a date on Thursday night so I will try to shift my focus off the cats and back on dating. It could go either way. Maybe it’s just a phase I’m going through as I approach 45.
I am blessed to want a man and not need one. I love my cats, and my son will be the perfect date for Valentine’s Day. All is well and I will let you know how Thursday goes. The good news is there is a new Jewish dating site I am going to try so there is hope. I am keeping the faith.
February 8, 2011 | 9:23 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I didn’t blog about The Bachelor last week because it rendered me brain dead for a few days after watching it. It is because of the emails of disappointment that I’m writing about it now. I am committed to taking it through to the final rose. With the help of my very dear friend, Jose Cuervo, I will blog about this train wreck until the bitter end.
We are in Costa Rica. It’s gorgeous and romantic. I mean if you like constant rain and bugs the size of dinosaurs, it might be the most romantic place on earth. Brad is going on, and on, and on, and on, about his search for love and it’s painful. I am watching, and cringing, yet cannot seem to change the channel. Damn ABC for their hypnotic powers.
Chantal O. gets the first one-on-one date. She is bugging me. She has bugged me from the first day. She is very calculated and reminds me of last year’s bachelorette, Alli. She is manipulative and says what she knows makes for good television, and what she knows Brad will soak up. The thing is, Brad is really dumb, but he is not stupid. He is figuring them all out, including her, which is good.
Brad seems to have a handle on the situation. He is concerned with the girls, but doing what he needs to do to find the right girl. He listens to what they say, and more importantly remembers what they say. If only he could talk a little faster. This season is dragging out. Partially because the eliminations are taking longer, but mostly because of how slow he speaks.
They go zip lining, which looks awesome. Back at the house the other girls are preparing for a group date, with the final one-on-one going to Alli. Chantal and Brad are having a picnic and it starts raining again. Each time it rains Brad says, “ew, it’s raining”. I don’t know why that’s funny, but it is. Hearing him say “ew” is both funny and unattractive.
They go inside to eat to escape the rain and back at the house Michelle is certain the rain has ruined their date. I am certain Michelle needs to be medicated. By needs to be medicated, of course I mean there is no way this chick is not medicated all the time. She’s a loon and while in the beginning I thought she was beautiful, her eyebrow/hair color separation is not cute.
Chantal gets out of her wet clothes and into a white man’s button down shirt. Are we supposed to think it’s Brad’s? I love this show, and I love the search for love, but I hate it when the producers treat us like we are stupid. It’s not Brad’s shirt. The women are dumb, the bachelor is dumb, but we are not. Respect us just a little more, please. Thanks.
Brad is telling Chantal he was confused by her in Vegas. She tells him she is sorry, when Brad suddenly turns into Forest Gump. He sounds just like Forest and it’s hilarious. Chantal and Forrest kiss and she is very aware of the cameras, and her mike, when she whispers she is crazy about him. I needed to reconnect with Jose at this point.
Group date time. By group date of course I mean watch Michelle humiliate herself and guarantee herself a booking on Ellen. They are going to repel down a waterfall. Totally cool. All the girls match except for Michelle. She is the only girl not in blue. She coincidentally happens to be wearing the same color as Brad. The producers are treating us like idiots again.
They go down one at a time, while Michelle hangs back and stews. She and Brad repelled down a building and promised to only do it together, yet he is doing it with a cackle of other hens. Michelle is losing her mind. When they are the final two, she hits him, calls him a few names and secures her spot as the crazy one. She’s lame and too predictable to be entertaining.
They are all chilling in a hot spring and the chicks are talking about how romantic it is. Really? What is romantic about being in a bathing suit, with a bunch of other girls, and one guy, that you’ve all made out with? I don’t see anything romantic about the date unless you think romantic means looking like an idiot on television. If that is the case, then yes, totally romantic.
Emily is being honest and open and telling Brad that she has sabotaged relationships in the past. It is scaring Brad. All we learn about his time with Emily is that she is perfect and should be the next Bachelorette, he is boring, and she needs to be with someone a little more exciting. She is the superstar of this season.
Michelle is in the pool with Brad and once again yelling at him. She is unstable and I’ve been trying to think about who she reminds me of and I’ve decided it’s Lorena Bobbitt. She will spin on a dime and dismember Brad when he is sleeping because he didn’t take out the garbage, or return a phone call to her. Brad is attracted to her but there is no way he wants to be with her.
If Michelle gets a hometown date, then the producer’s seriously think we are dumb and are manipulating the show on a whole new level. I get that it’s television, and it’s fake, but love can be found and we watch with the hope for another Trista and Ryan, and if they are going to treat us like morons, we need to stop watching. There is no way Brad would go home with her.
Alli is going on her date and she is talking about having a glow of love when she returns. That innocent sentence is the nail in her coffin and we know she is not coming back. They are going to hike through a cave, in the dark, with bugs and bats. Seriously? How is this a good date? I would not have done it. No man is worth a cave hike. Except maybe George Clooney.
Alli is screaming like a banshee but being with Brad makes her want to “power through her fears” and just do it. Whatever. She climbs out of a hole and puts her hand out for him to grab and he doesn’t take her hand. She is talking about how much she is digging him and he has already checked out. Cut to a few minutes later and bam, she is rose-less and going home.
She is crying and heart broken and it’s sad. It’s even sadder that she is listed as an “apparel merchant”. TJ Maxx has never sounded so fancy. She is cute, sweet, handles herself like a pro, and will meet someone. I liked her more in the last 2 minutes of her being on the show, than I did the entire season. Shame. Guess what? Michelle is at the door for a visit.
She is bossing Brad around, being an idiot, making out with him, acting crazy, and telling him what he will do next. Not what he should do, but rather what he will do. To be honest, I bet she said some truly entertaining things but I fast-forwarded through her visit because I was too busy with Jose to care about what she was saying. Important to note, I love you Jose.
It’s cocktail party time and Brad is painful. He is talking about how real it all is, and how hard it all is. He is talking to Emily about how scared he is and Emily is telling him that she feels bad about their last conversation. She is wonderful. I just love her. She is great and I want her to be happy. She is the prettiest girl, the sweetest girl, and the only one who is truly a lady.
Chantal O. is a troublemaker and may in fact be crazier than Michelle. Michelle wears her crazy on her sleeve. You know she is a kook so you expect it. Chantal on the other hand, is quiet crazy. She cannot be trusted and will surprise you. You can’t trust someone who is unpredictable and Chantal is going to snap. Michelle is now crying. Blah, blah, blah. Faker.
The other Shawntell is now talking to him. She reminds me of a Kardashian sister. They are sitting, not talking, and she scooches over and starts kissing him. It’s weird and awkward and I wonder what these women think when they sit at home and watch how they behaved. Shawntell, meet my friend Jose. I think you two will be really good friends.
Chantal O. is pushing the envelope again calling out the girls for who is lying, knowing that it is Michelle. Michelle comes clean and tells the girls she was the one who spoke to Brad. Shawtell is saying Michelle is not classy, yet she just made out with him when he was clearly not into it. Now that is classy. These chicks are hilarious, and are really fueling my relationship with Jose.
Chantal O. professes her love for Brad. Flat out tells him, I love you Brad. Really? After two weeks and two dates, she is in love with him? Okay. She is playing the game and so good for her. Brad says thank you, which is the last thing you want a man to tell you when you tell him you love him. It’s mortifying. This show just got sad and lame. I mean sadder and lamer.
I’m already regretting that I said I would blog about this show until the bitter end. Perhaps what will help me get through the rest of the season will be to expand beyond my relationship with Mr. Cuervo. I might have to invite Mr. Johnny Walker over to watch with me next week. It might be the only way I can get through it. Jackie is going home. No surprise.
Chris Harrison has the best job on television. He gets to jet around the world, and gets paid to say the same 5 lines over and over again. Nice gig. Next week are in a new location and go down to the final four, then hometown dates and the finale in South Africa. By the final rose I might need rehab. The countdown is on, so I’m hanging on, and keeping the faith.