August 23, 2010 | 1:39 am

Jersey Shore is Addictive Summer Fun

Posted by Ilana Angel

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I love this show and I don’t mind saying so.  It is a guilty pleasure and I can’t turn it off.  In fact, if I have seen an episode, and it repeats, I will sometimes watch it again.  What does it say about me that at 44, I enjoy spending time with Snooki and the Situation?

This past week Snooki’s boyfriend turns out to be a putz, she calls him on it, and tells him to get lost.  She then explains that men are pigs and don’t know how to treat women.  She has decided that is why the rate of lesbianism is rising so quickly in the United States.

You can’t write the stuff that comes out of this girl’s mouth.  I’ve learned a whole new vocabulary from this show.  I never thought I would use the words skeeve or juicehead in a sentence, and I had no idea unattractive people were grenades. Jersey Shore is educational!

While I can’t relate to these kids on any level, I like them.  I think there are raw moments where we see who they are, and it’s those moments, that I think make the show so great.  Vinny, Pauly, Ronnie and Mike are pigs, but still menschy boys who look out for the girls.

Snookie, JWoww and Sammi are unlike anyone I remember when I was their age.  They are also unlike anyone on television.  More than a reality show, it’s like watching a sitcom or a soap opera.  It’s worth checking out if you haven’t already.  Come on, we know you watch.

It has been said this show is a guitly pleasure, and I think actually said that myself.  The truth is however,  we don’t feel guilty.  These are a bunch kids, having a great time, and allowing us to gaze through the peep hole.  They are entertaining because they have no idea how entertaining they are.

The Miami episodes are good, but I’m looking forward to having them return to New Jersey.  I hope when they do, they dump Angelina.  She is useless and never should have been allowed to return.  They need to get back on their own turf and wrap up the summer with a bang.

Last year I got countless calls from Israeli Danielle’s mother asking me to set the record straight on her daughter, who was “ruined” by the show.  She told me that Danielle had run off to Israel, would not return to Jersey, and I needed to help make it right so she could return.

I hear from some readers on the shore that she has in fact returned and is working at the store where she met Pauly D.  Turns out the possibility of getting another shot at 15 minutes of fame has made her all better.  The bottom dwellers are out and looking to latch onto the stars of MTV.

Jersey Shore is mindless summer fun.  It will make you laugh, scratch your heard, drop your jaw, and on very rare occasions, shed a tear.  These kids are fabulous and I dig them.  I will continue to watch, and as for my son never wanting to vacation on the Jersey Shore, I’m keeping the faith.

August 21, 2010 | 6:10 pm

Spencer Pratt is A Douchelord & Heidi Montag Needs Help

Posted by Ilana Angel

I never liked Spencer.  I always thought he was creepy and when I met him and Heidi at a restaurant a couple of years ago, his eyes kept darting around looking at everything, and it was both intimidating and rude.

I’m not sure what the official definition of a Douchelord is, but for the purpose of this article, it means an uneducated, unsophisticated, unattractive, celebrity whore, joy sucking, bottom feeding loser who better watch out for karma because she’s on his tail.

I think Heidi is a little girl who got sucked in by a sociopath.  Their story reminds me a lot of Dorothy Stratten and Paul Snider.  I think he is dangerous and will physically cause her great harm one day.

All these stories of a sex tape scandal are gross.  Some have implied that it’s a publicity stunt, but I’m not buying it.  I think Heidi is in over her head, and someone needs to help her.  This man is dangerous and cannot be trusted.  He turned a beautiful girl into a circus freak.

Someone needs to step in and give this guy a kick in the ass.  She has ruined her life because of Spencer and it’s not necessary for her to lose her life too.  She cannot be so stupid that she would be in cahoots with Spencer.  I believe it’s serious and she’s in trouble.

The only women who could possibly be that dumb are members of The Real Housewives franchise over on Bravo.  Heidi is not stupid, as much as she is simple.  If you look back at the start of The Hills, she was a lovely small town girl.

It was when she met Spencer that things went to hell in a hand basket.  Heidi meet Spencer. Dorothy meet Paul.  Same game, different players.  Even with divorce papers filed, things are going to get worse.

Fame can make people crazy.  Compliments from an attentive man, can cause a woman to lose her sensibilities.  Heidi says she is a devoted Christian so she better start praying because it’s going to take more than keeping the faith.

*** Last night Vivid Entertainment confirmed they have spoken to Spencer, but not to Heidi.  The fact that she has not come forward with an attorney saying she will block the sale of the tape is curious.  I feel bad for this girl.  She is going to get screwed.  Pardon the pun.

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August 20, 2010 | 2:34 pm

A Stranger Becomes A Friend

Posted by Ilana Angel

I did something today that I rarely do.  In fact, it is only the second time I have ever done it.  I reached out to a reader, and had a conversation on the phone, rather than though the abyss that is the Internet.  It’s a scary leap of faith.

Last year I got an email from a reader explaining her daughter was undergoing chemotherapy, and my blogs about The Bachelor, made her laugh.  She would comment for her daughter once a week, and I looked forward to them each week as they made me laugh.

Her daughter had been sick since she was a little girl, and sadly past away last year.  Her mother, my reader, wrote me an email to let me know she had lost her only child, and thanked me for giving them moments of laughter while she was so sick.

I immediately sent her my personal contact information and told her to call anytime.  About four months later, I got a call.  We spoke for about three hours. That was the first time I spoke to a reader.

This lovely woman lost her child, and was comforting me on the phone.  Since that call, we have become friends.  She lives on the east coast and reads my blog daily.  She never comments, but certainly shares her opinion when we talk on the phone. 

I love her, and I hold her daughter close to my heart.  She’s reading, so I will say hello friend.  You are a remarkable human being and I am blessed and honored to call you my friend.  You are an inspiration to me, and I am a better mother because of you.

Over the past few weeks I have been bombarded with comments about my blog regarding the reality television show Bethenny Getting Married.  It’s been classic mean girl, high school crap.  I can take it, but yesterday, the mean girls took aim at a reader.

One reader in particular was mocked and made fun of.  I know this reader by her posting name only.  She comments all the time, is funny and sweet.  I have enjoyed her take on the things I write about, as she has always been honest and fearless in her comments.

Not only was she attacked by another reader, but she defended me.  When there was some slanderous garbage posted on a twitter page by one of the mean girls, this woman wrote to tell me, so I was aware of what was happening.  It was very kind of her.

She wrote me an email with her contact information, and apologized for the negative turn the comments had taken.  I could feel her sadness at being involved, and it broke my heart, so I gave her a call to say hello and thank you.  She had my back, and I appreciated it.

We chatted for over an hour.  She lives back east, is married with two fabulous kids, and is about the sweetest woman I have ever met.  She was generous of spirit, and it was lovely.  She reached out a hand to a complete stranger, and that is a rare thing

She has had a very interesting life and is funny, smart, decent, kind, a terrific wife and a remarkable mother.  To hear her talk about her family is uplifting.  She loves them with everything that she is, and you can feel it.

I am so pleased to count her as a friend.  This woman left the safety of her home and climbed into the black hole of the Internet, to defend a total stranger.  I think that is lovely, and I feel blessed to have met her, even if it was simply over the phone.

My blog started out with two readers, one of which was my mother.  It has grown into something that I can’t really wrap my head around.  I am grateful to everyone who reads, thankful to those to take the time to comment, and grateful to those who can disagree with integrity.

Thank you to everyone.  To these two lovely ladies to have crossed over from someone a click away, to my friend, thank you.  You are the blessings of this blog.  I wish you all a wonderful weekend, a peaceful and restful Shabbat, and the ability to always Keep the Faith.

 

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August 19, 2010 | 8:34 am

Who Are Forty Year Old Women Supposed To Have Sex With?

Posted by Ilana Angel

Sex in our forties is great.  I hear it’s great.  We are old enough to know what we like, and secure enough to be able to talk about it.  Studies show women are in their sexual prime in their forties, but sadly, many ladies at this stage of their lives are not having sex. 

Even more interesting, are studies that show men in their forties have declining libidos.  They are distracted by work and stress, making sex not as easy as when they were young.  The question is:  If you are a single lady in your forties, who are you supposed to have sex with?

For me personally, I’m not physically attracted to men who are much older than me.  At 44, I prefer to date men my own age.  Single men in their forties however, are hard to find.  They have perhaps never been married, and are looking to meet someone to have kids with.

They could be divorced, and wanting to recapture their youth by dating a young trophy girl of some kind.  I’m not interested in having another child at this age, and while I certainly consider myself a prize, the days of being arm candy have come and gone for me.

I’ve never really been able to date men who are younger than me.  Now physically, I think they are very attractive, but I have a mental block when it comes to being with someone younger.  I’m not sure why being a cougar has never been my thing.  I sometimes wish it were.

A fifty year old man can easily date a forty year old woman, but a fifty year old woman is going to have a harder time hanging onto a forty year old man.  I think it’s all quite sad really.  As adults, sex should be a regular part of our lives, but the older we become, the more elusive it is.

Sex is different when you get older.  While we can all still appreciate the hot and passionate ripping off of the clothes, there is an element of connection that is different from when we were younger.  There is an awareness and understanding of how important it is.

In my forties, one of the best things about a relationship is not just sex, but companionship.  Its wonderful to have sex with someone, but sex becomes better when you wake up next to that person, and are happy to have them there.  A partner is more satisfying than a playmate.

You feel connected to someone in a more profound way when you can enjoy the physical, at the same time that you appreciate the emotional.  It’s such a shame to reach a point in your life when you can finally enjoy sex in a completely free way, and then not have it be available.

To say sex is not available is not completely true.  I should clarify by saying sex with someone you would want to have sex with, is not available.  I am on JDate and sex is readily available there.  The thing about being in your forties, is sex is simply not enough.

I would love to meet someone to share my life with.  It would be a bonus if we could have a fantastic sex life together.  It would be a miracle if he were not in his sixties or his twenties.  At 44, I am simply too fabulous to be alone and not having a healthy sex life.

I get emails all the time from wonderful women in their forties, who are divorced, looking for love, and wishing sex was a part of their lives.  I never hear the same thing from men.  If you are a man, in your forties, and single, I’d like to know who you are having sex with.

Shoot me an email and let me know the age range of the women you are dating.  Let’s talk about this.  I think sex in the divorced world, regardless of age, is something we should talk about.  Maybe we can figure it out together, and learn something along the way.

I am enjoying being in my forties.  I am a phenomenal mother, a terrific friend, a loving sister, a devoted daughter and an amazing catch for an amazing man.  Am I a sexy forty something vixen?  I don’t remember exactly, but I’m keeping the faith.

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August 17, 2010 | 6:27 pm

Public Masturbation Aside: Both Paul Reubens & Pee Wee Herman Rock

Posted by Ilana Angel

Paul Reubens has given an interview to Playboy magazine where he opens up, more than ever before, about his 1991 arrest in an adult movie theater for masturbating in public.  In order to avoid a trial, he pleased no contest, but feels the charges should have been dropped.

When talking about the 1991 charge, Reubens told Playboy: “Had we gone to trial, we had ready an expert from the Masters and Johnson Institute who was going to testify that in 30 years of research on masturbation the institute had never found one person who masturbated with his or her non-dominant hand. I’m right-handed, and the police report said I was jerking off with my left hand. That would have been the end of the case right there, proof it couldn’t have been me.”

I remember when this happened and I felt about it then, the same way I feel about it now, who cares?  He was not at Disneyland in front of a bunch of kids touching himself.  He was in an adult movie theater watching porn, and I could care less whether he did it or not.  That said, he says he did not do it, and I believe him.

I recall feeling bad for him that it so adversely affected his career, but it did not change my opinion of him.  I love Pee Wee Herman and have raised my son, who was born in 1996, years after his show was off the air, with Pee Wee in our home.  We have Pee Wee‘s Playhouse television show on DVD, and recently saw his live show at Nokia Live in Los Angeles.  My kid loves Pee Wee because Pee Wee is fabulous.

Reubens, born Paul Rubenfeld, is now 57 years old, which is incredible.  I think of him as being so young, and if he is creeping up on 60, then I am officially getting old.  Born in New York, and raised in Florida, his mom Judy was a teacher and his dad, Milton, flew for Britain’s Royal Air Force and the U.S. Army Air Forces in World War II.

What is cool, and perhaps not many people know, is that his dad was one of the founding pilots of the Israeli Air Force during the War of Independence in 1948.  Like his dad, Reubens is quite accomplished, and those things are not talked about which is a shame.  He was punished and humiliated for no reason, and it never should have happened.  This guy rocks, is a delicious Jewish man, and I am a fan.

If you are not familiar with Reubens work, check out www.peewee.com and dive into the world of Pee Wee Herman.  You will not be disappointed.  There is nothing about this man, or his history, that would make me want to not share his talent with my son.  I love Pee Wee Herman, and I hope we see more of Paul Reubens.  To Mr. Reubens, know that I don’t care what happened and I love you.  Will Pee Wee return to television or the big screen?  My son and I are keeping the faith.

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August 16, 2010 | 11:07 pm

Bachelor Pad: Gia is Incredibly Gorgeous and Insanely Stupid

Posted by Ilana Angel

I freaking love this show and even more disturbing than the fact that I love it, is the fact that I am willing to say it out loud.  Seriously, this show is pure fun.  It’s a bunch of gorgeous/cute people, whoring around for 250k.  Mike Fleiss is a genius.

We start off with young buck Jesse saying he trusts Natalie.  Hilarious.  She is all about the money and is weak under the shadow of his insane attractiveness.  Let’s be clear, he is going to crush her, and when he does, it will be fabulous to watch.

They have divided themselves into two camps, the insiders and the outsiders, and with lines drawn, the deception and backstabbing begins.  Tonight’s competition is a pie eating contest, and it is without doubt, the most disgusting looking pie ever.

Gia wins the contest for the girls.  It’s annoying that someone so little can down an entire pie and look gorgeous while doing it.  I’ve met Gia, and she truly is an insanely beautiful girl. I’m seriously over this girl, and my over her, of course I mean I’m totally jealous of her.

Weatherman wins for the men, which is shocking and fabulous.  The little peanut, who looks like a small child next to some of these strapping young men, wins it.  It’s cute because it’s the only date he will ever get on this show, and nice he gets it before they give him the boot.

He picks Peyton, Gwen and Ashley to go on the date.  Bravo.  He is playing a strategic game.  The worst part of the date is that Melissa is there.  This chick is just gross.  Everything about her is annoying and she is useless on this show.  They do body painting and Weatherman is awesome.

Krisily is back at the house plotting about how to get the “popular” kids booted out.  It’s fascinating to watch them all talk about it like its espionage and the safety of the world is at stake.  Everyone is picking sides, choosing favorites and they all look so stupid, it’s perfection.

Weatherman is now having a one-on-one moment with Gwen.  It’s fabulous. He is flirting with her, and says of all the girls at the house, she is the one that he would date.  She is old enough to be his mother and watching him flirt with her is both lovely and completely creepy.

Gia has selected Craig, Wes and Jesse B. to go on her date.  She has decided to give the rose to Craig, before the date even starts.  She is rallying the outsiders so they will have a fair shot against the popular kids.  She promises the rose to Craig, and the power is about to shift.

Back at the house, Elizabeth is talking to Kovacs.  Sidebar:  Whoever does her hair should have their beauty license taken away.  She is making out with Kovacs, which is gross. She is completely crazy, and he is an idiot to go anywhere near her.  I have no respect for him.

Wes and Gia are having their one-on-one and he tells her that he knows he is not getting the rose, and then tells her he loves her, and if she did not have a boyfriend, things would be different.  Then the best villain in bachelorette history tells a lie that will change the game forever.

Are you ready… he tells her he loves her.  She is dumb, and an idiot.  She cries and says if things were different she would go for him too.  They have known each for five minutes and love is being professed.  Is it worth it to be that beautiful if it means you need to be that dumb?

Oh.  My.  God.  Gia gives the rose to Wes.  LOSER!  She has gone back on her word and taken the power away from the outsiders and put it in the palm of the hands of the popular kids.  She has decided she is in love with Wes.  Important to know she has a serious boyfriend at home.

Dear Lord, now little sweet Canadian Jessie is making out with David in order to keep her spot in the house.  The skanks are coming out to play and Krisily goes to Kypton and tells him that Jessie is hurting people and slutting around for a spot in the house.  The lies are overflowing.

Jesse, who has been making out with Natalie for days, tells the camera that he does not care about her, and would dump her for Gia.  He goes to Natalie and tells her he loses interest quickly, and has heard rumors that she has been with other guys in the house. 

He essentially calls her a slut and dumps her.  Sweet farm boy is a pig.  Natalie is telling him that she likes him and is sad that he believes the rumors.  She cries like a baby and says her heart has been broken yet again.  Seriously.  Are a few kisses enough to break your heart?

Sidebar:  The same person who colors Elizabeth’s hair, selected Chris Harrison’s rose ceremony outfit.  He is wearing a brown and white checkered shirt, with a lavender and brown polka dot tie.  It is ridiculous and together they look like they should be on Dating in the Dark.

At the voting ceremony emotions are high.  Tenley cries again, Elizabeth is coy about the fact that she is having sex with Kovacs and Krisily is annoyed and calls out all the liars.  The tap has been turned and the next few weeks will have a whole lot of crying.  Excellent.

Jessie S. tells David she is voting off Craig and he can trust her.  She fake cries and he tells her he will try to save her.  Jessie is thinking she may be going, and is mortified that people will think she is a liar.  Krisily is convinced the boys have changed their minds and she will be out.

In the end the Canadians are out with Craig and Jessie S. going home.  The most interesting thing is that Gia is saying how she got screwed, and someone turned on them for voting out Craig, and she can’t believe someone lied.  Really?  It was her lying that got them to this place.

This show is reality heaven.  It makes you cringe, laugh, scream at the television, and pray the power goes out so the TV is rendered useless.  It also makes me thank God I am not in my 20’s.  Is it a crystal ball into what my teenage son will in his twenties?  I pray no, and will keep the faith.

 

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August 15, 2010 | 12:16 pm

Bethenny Frankel’s Lost Footage is a Waste of Time

Posted by Ilana Angel

I wasted an hour today by watching the lost footage special from Bethenny Getting Married.  Wow.  Bravo really scraped through the trash to find this crap.  This chick is so unappealing that I just can’t imagine how they will bring her back for another season.

What is so horrible about this show, is the sense of loss of something great.  When we first met Bethenny, she was entertaining and unpredictable which was fun.  She has become uninteresting and the only reason I watch is so there is an honest voice mixed in with all the Bethenny lovers.

The show starts with her having a lesson on strollers.  I have never seen a woman who is more uncomfortable being pregnant, or so completely cold when it comes to anything to do with her unborn child.  Is she having a baby for publicity? She does not appear to want to be a mom.

She tries to be funny, but it comes across as complaining, ignorant, and selfish.  There are women who are struggling to be moms, and this chick got knocked up and is pissed off to be pregnant.  It is annoying to watch.  If she does love the baby, we would never know it from this show.

Her questions to anyone she talks to about the baby are moronic.  She really is clueless, and is the perfect example of someone who is just not cut out to be a mother.  She has gone from being real to being fake, and sadly I don’t think she can recover from the hole she has dug.

The people around her are also getting annoying.  Julie talks about how she thinks for Bethenny, Max continues to be useless, and the lost footage dos not include Jason for more than a second.  It’s horrible because it’s how she chose to be.  She went from great to gross in a single season.

I think it’s sad Bethenny feels the need to out every single one of her gay friends, each and every time they are on the show.  A gay friend, Jake, walks in and sees the baby on the bed.  He is about to gush all over Bryn, and Bethenny wants him to notice and talk about her. 

How is it possible that Bravo thinks watching 10 minutes of Bethenny eating, is at all interesting?  Is she the first pregnant woman to enjoy food?  She would have us believe she was the first pregnant woman ever, but news flash sweetie, you are not. 

Her talking about food and sex, at the same time, is just too much. She is so over the top that if I were her, I would seriously be worried about what her kid is going to think about her when she grows up.  Like mother like daughter Bethenny, so look at your mom and be afraid.

Cookie is barking, and she says there is no way a baby could be as hard as taking care of her dog.  She needs to shut up.  Jason says breastfeeding is really hard, which is why a lot of women give up.  He needs to shut up too.  Who are these two to talk about anything to do with babies?

Bethenny Frankel started out as hero for single women who were getting older.  At almost forty, she started a company, found a man who loved her for exactly who she was, got married, had a baby, and continued to see her business grow.  She was an inspiration.  She is now a joke.

The lost footage show ends with Bethenny saying that life is unpredictable, and she has no idea where the next year will take her.  With a little prayer, it will hopefully not involve her getting another season on Bravo.  For that, I am most definitely keeping the faith.

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August 15, 2010 | 10:36 am

The Bachelor Pad is Reality Train Wreck Perfection

Posted by Ilana Angel

If you are in your forties, and think about what it would be like to be single again and in your twenties, watch Bachelor Pad and you will be grateful to be old. This show is a train wreck.  It is so horrific to watch, that turning off the channel is simply not an option.  These people are crazy and it is seriously fabulous.

Chris Harrison is the host and I guess it’s good because he knows them all, but he’s a little too nice for this situation.  It would have been fun to have someone with more of an opinion, rather than just a moderator.  Melissa Rycroft is along to help and she is painful to watch.  Truly annoying with no talent.

The contestants are all competing for $250,000, which is what is so fun.  They try to say it’s about another shot at love, but come on.  This is a group of people that no matter how much we loved them on their seasons, they are going to get sleazy because nothing can change people like money can.  Event the most attractive are about to get really ugly, really fast.

The unfortunate part of the show is that they all vote each other out.  It will instantly become a popularity contest of who is sleeping with whom.  That’s a shame because some of the people who are not well liked, Michelle, will go early, and they are what makes great television.

Gwen, who we remember from season two, is back and she looks like she could be the mother of some of these kids.  When she was rejected and cried in her limo, she was sweet and lovely, and we all wanted her to be the next bachelorette. She is there, and sticks out like a sore thumb.

Tenley: Disney Princess who will cry the most
Jesse B.:  Yummy, yummy ding dong
Natalie:  Who is this girl? 
David:  Entertaining and not to be trusted
Jessie S.:  Canadian and cute
Weatherman:  Poor thing, no chance
Nikki:  Who cares?
Juan:  Oink, Oink
Wes:  Good television
Krisily:  Really?
Elizabeth:  Oh.  My.  God.
Kovacs:  Delicious
Kiptyn: Super cute
Ashley:  Whatever
Peyton: Huh?
Michelle: Train wreck
Gia:  Stunning but simple
Craig M.:  Sleazy McSleazerson

Weatherman says he is worried about hooking up with different girls and having it ruin his chances.  So cute.  If anyone hooks up with him it will be a miracle, and she will be drunk.  Bless him for believing in himself.  This little man is adorable, and I hope he hangs around for a while.

It’s time for almost naked Twister.  I am cradling the remote at this point and so tempted to turn it off, but like all the Bachelor/Bachelorette seasons that came before, I just can’t do it.  Craig M. wins Twister and gets to take three of the chicks out on a date.

Elizabeth is classic Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.  This chick needs to be in a hospital for the seriously unstable.  She is a loon, and watching her is uncomfortable.  It’s not even that she is entertaining, as much as we are waiting for something really bad to happen that involves her.

Kovacs is having a chat with Elizabeth and it’s creepy.  You half expect her to pull a boiled rabbit out of her purse.  Poor Kovacs is trying to be a nice guy, but he is dealing with a crazy person.  She is in love with him, making a fool out of herself, and scaring every man who is watching.

Competing for Miss. Crazy is Michelle.  She is going off the deep end and again, it’s really creepy.  She could have been great television if she were not so scary.  She locks Tenley in the bathroom and tells her she is a bitch.  We then discover that beautiful Tenley is a really, really ugly crier.

Elizabeth is talking to Kovacs again and it’s nails on a chalk board.  She is trying to make him love her, and wants him to go to all the girls and profess his love for her.  It makes me want to tell Kovacs to sleep with one eye open because she has Lorena Bobbitt potential.

In the end Michelle and Juan are the ones given the boot.  You could see it coming.  The popular shall survive and the hated will depart.  Each weak we will know in the first ten minutes who is going home, but we’ll watch anyway because we know there is a train wreck coming.

Whether you like it or not, if you are single and in your forties, you should watch it.  It will make you thankful you are not in your twenties.  These kids are charming with just a dash of pathetic thrown in.  It’s enough to make you grateful to be out of your twenties and still keeping the faith.

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