Posted by Ilana Angel
I spent today at Niagara Falls with my son. I had been there as a child, but really had no memory of ever having seen it. As we turned the corner and headed down the street, you could hear it, and it was magnificent. When I actually saw it, I started crying, and that was from the car!
It is majestic and truly beautiful. It was a glorious sunny day and there she was, in all her beauty, with a huge rainbow floating above. It made me feel calm and exited at the same time. You feel something special, and while I’m not sure what it is exactly, I believe it is God.
We went on the Maid of the Mist boat tour and as we stood on the deck, getting soaked by the falls, I said a little prayer, spoke to God, and believe he heard me. The falls were very loud, yet there was silence and I felt like each drop of water washed away doubt, sorrow and tension I was holding in.
Niagara Falls is a lot like Vegas. It’s very commercial and had an exciting but seedy feel to it. There are parts of it that are quaint, and parts that are really beautiful. It’s odd that I would have such a moving experience there, but I did, and it was fantastic.
I was so happy to share the day with my son. He loved it also, and at the point the boat turned, under the force of the falls, he hugged me and said “God made amazing things huh Mum?” It was incredible that as I was talking to God, my son was in awe of what he had created.
It was a really great day. I’m now sitting in my brother’s home with my son sleeping at my feet, and my mother and I watching TV. I feel safe being so close to my family. I wish my child could see them more often. We love being with them and I will cry when I say goodbye tomorrow.
It’s been a wonderful visit and I am sad to leave, but happy to go home. I can’t wait to see our cats, and sleep in my own bed. Life is grand, my family is a blessing and God is listening. I’m heading back happy, healthy and keeping the faith.
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August 13, 2010 | 6:00 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I don’t what it is about being away from home, but when we travel we get a little cuter. I’ve been walking around a major Canadian city for the past four days with my son, and I’m getting flirted with left, right and center. Even my son has noticed it, and suggested if I move here I could meet someone in five minutes. What is it about being away that makes us so cute?
I have not changed my hair, or my perfume, yet men are looking, and appreciating. I don’t think it’s a Canadian thing, I believe that when we are away from home, there is perhaps a carefree air to us that translates into something approachable. Maybe that’s why so many people who travel as part of their jobs, have affairs on the road. To clarify, I’m not saying everyone who travels cheats!
I’m just saying that I get how easy it must be. Let’s use me as an example. I am single and dating. I am making an effort to meet someone, and am having no luck. It makes me wonder what is wrong with me. Then I get here, and I’m like chum in the water and the sharks are circling. It’s as if they know I’m new here, which is a fresh start, which is really attractive.
Maybe the newness of someone, is what makes them so attractive. You can be whoever you want, all your outfits look new, all your jokes are fresh, and all your stories are charming. It’s a chance to be your true self without being jaded by your own history. It’s an opportunity to use all your best material with a new audience that is dying to hear something they have not heard before.
The good news is that travelling is great for your ego. I’m coming back to Los Angeles with a renewed confidence. It took a quick trip home to remind me that I am super cute, and dare I say it, a catch. Someone will eventually get it, and I’m excited to meet him, whoever he is. It’s good to come home for a lot of reasons, especially those that remind you to keep the faith.
August 11, 2010 | 7:18 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I have been in Canada for 4 days.
In that time, I have:
- lost my ATM card
- locked myself out of the house
- broken my laptop
- saw Bachelor Pad and not had a way to blog about it
- watched as my readers talked about my vacation
- found out with the right level of humidity hair can sweat
- decided poutine is delicious
- was reminded that Canadians are fabulous
- spent quality time with my son
- felt an aching love for my mother
- was hit on by a homeless man
- was inspired to recycle
- remembered how cute I am
- walked for miles
- saw old friends
- was eaten alive by Mosquitos
- wrote this blog on my iPhone
I have another 3 days to go.
I’m hot, tired, happy and okay.
Coming home is not a holiday as much as
it is a reminder to never stop keeping the faith.
August 8, 2010 | 7:34 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I am writing my blog today from my mother’s home. This is my first trip back to Canada in four years. It was hard to come back after my father passed away, then I got busy with work, and planning my son’s Bar Mitzvah, so I just never got here. I did not realize how much I rely on this place to nurture my soul, until I got home.
I arrived on Saturday morning, having taken the red eye. I went straight from the airport to my mother’s house. I had just seen her a few months ago when she came for two weeks to visit, but it was as if I had not seen her in years. I burst into tears, put on my pajamas, climbed into bed with her, and spent the day snuggling.
After the day with my mom, my brother came to pick me up so we could go pick up my son who flew in Saturday night from Michigan. He had been with friends for two weeks at the lake, having the time of his life. As I stood in the terminal waiting for my baby to come through the doors, I was overwhelmed with emotion and started to cry.
If I was this emotional to see my kid after two weeks, what must it be like for my mother, who goes months without seeing me? Coming home allows me to view my life in a different way. I am able to look at my mother and feel a love for her that I did not understand or appreciate when I was young. I find it both comforting and frightening.
What will I do when my son leaves to go to university to start his life as an independent young man? I can barely stand sending him to school every day because I will miss him, so how will I manage when he heads off to NYU, which is his dream? I imagine one thing that will make it easier, will be to spend more time with my own mother.
I spent today at the lake with my brother, his kids, his wife, and her family. We laughed a lot, and had a relaxing day of boating, and playing. My nephew, who is six, kept calling out “Dad’ and “Daddy” and I had to look around to see who he was talking to. It was very odd that my little brother was being called dad, because to me he’s still a baby.
If I look at my forty year old little brother, and feel nostalgic for when he was a baby and I pretended he was my doll, then what must it be like for my mother when she sees him? Life goes by so fast. I tucked my baby into bed one night, and when I woke up he was taller than me, and flying across the country by himself for a summer holiday.
I love my son. He brings me more joy than I ever thought I could have, or even deserved. The thought of him growing up and going away fills my heart with profound pride. It’s through the eyes of mother looking at me, that I find the strength to let him go. Home has filled my soul, and rejuvenated me. I arrived here tired, and after one day am well rested.
Being a mother is a tricky job. There are moments when you are so full of love you think you might explode, and others when you seriously want to scream and pull all your hair out. I am blessed to be able to come home, and have clarity on all of it. I am a wonderful mother because my own wonderful mother never forgot to keep the faith.
August 6, 2010 | 1:51 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
These women are horrible, and the show is offensive. It is not about watching a reality television train wreck, but rather a being dragged slowly through the gutter.
Mary: Texts while driving, likes to talk about her famous grandfather, and outing where her famous neighbors live. Beautiful family, and enough Botox to kill a horse.
Stacie: Real estate agent, went to Harvard, married with two kids, token African American. First impression is I could be her friend.
Lynda: Runs a modeling agency, married twice, currently divorced, four kids, boyfriend who is 17 years her junior. Thinks she is the star.
Michaele: White House crasher, celebrity wannabe, married for money. There is nothing classy about this woman and she comes across as an idiot. Just because you wear expensive clothes, they don’t make you fancy.
Cat: English, pretentious, looks like she could have been a prostitute in her youth. She is a snob, not particularly attractive or entertaining. She is full of herself, and appears to be full of crap.
We meet the ladies at a polo match, and watching Michaele flutter around the event is nauseating. She is the most awkward hugger ever, a celebrity whore, and married to a total sleaze bag. Cat arrives and is pretentious. Michaele promises to take her horseback riding, and makes Cat pinky swear that they will make it happen. Really? It’s a disgrace she is on television.
Some chick name Edwina is there and is trying to somehow be considered one of the housewives, but she’s not, and she should be thanking God that she isn’t. I’m mortified by this show after only 10 minutes. It’s Mary’s birthday and they are planning a party. She needs to pick out an outfit, and her closet door will not open without a scan of her thumb print.
At the party we learn that everyone pronounces Michaele’s name differently, and nobody appears to like her very much, nor does she correct anyone, so we really have no idea what the hell her name is. Lynda seems to think she is a first tier socialite, while Michaele is a second or third tier. She is annoyed the crashers were invited. Michaele is talking about party crashing.
Lynda is bitter and seems jealous, Stacie is annoyed that Michaele is invited to things she is not, and all the while the birthday girl is getting hammered. She is drunk off her ass and in her drunken stupor, she says because we have an African American president, all the hair salons in DC should be integrated so regardless of race, can get their hair done together. Oh. My. God.
Cats husband is as pretentious as she is. Mary’s husband appears to be either gay, or living with a completely broken spirit from the bossiness of his wife. He clearly married for money. Lynda starts spreading rumors that Michaele is anorexic. The truth is she is thin, but it’s not the first thing you notice. She is really awkward, a little frantic, and zooms around like a bee.
Stacie is having a cooking party at her house. Cat is there and she appears to be quite uncomfortable around black people. She stereotypes everything and everyone. She makes very awkward television. She talks crap about President Obama, says how great President Bush was, and likes to talk about only herself. Seriously, this show needs to be cancelled.
I’m not sure I can watch this show again. It’s brutal. The housewives of all the other cities were watchable because they were suspended from reality. DC somehow makes them steeped in reality, and it’s not cool. We see the vibrancy of DC, and it seems dirty because of them. Andy Cohen needs to stop worrying about money, and start focusing on keeping the faith.
August 5, 2010 | 10:28 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I actually stuck it out and managed to watch the entire season of Bethenny Getting Married. I wavered a lot, and could not quite commit to a side on the show, or on Bethenny. There were episodes when I thought she was horrific, and others where there were glimpses of the Bethenny we all fell in love with. I was given glimmers of hope that were enough to keep watching.
Tonight was the finale, and they teased us with a visit from Ramona. Her visit lasted a minute, and it set the tone for the entire hour. Bethenny had an opportunity to have a mini reunion of sorts, and pay homage to the show that gave her the life she now has. Instead, the visit was all about Bethenny, and I found myself willing her to shut up so Ramona could talk.
Ramona walked in and Bethenny needed to explain why Ramona was there. Something about having a daughter and things in common. Maybe she was just there because she has been your friend, and you don’t need to explain it. Maybe we like seeing Ramona because it gives us a break from you? The baby cries, and Bethenny immediately passes Bryn off to the baby nurse.
Ramona talking about sex after her baby is hilarious. Her two minutes with Bethenny was enough to get me excited about another season with the ladies of NYC. Bethenny tells Ramona that being a mom is harder than having a job? Really? It is a job Bethenny. You’d know that if you spent more than five minutes with your baby without passing it off to the baby nurse.
Bethenny decides we need to hear her talking about sex with the baby nurse. Bethenny is crude. She used to be ballsy which was endearing and funny, but now she is just a gutter fish and there is nothing attractive about it. This is the point in my blog where people are getting annoyed and starting to write me hate mail. Bring it on ladies.
The wedding planner is back for the baby shower. There is a picture of Bryn on the cake, but also one of Bethenny and the baby. The poor baby can’t even have the day be about her, it needs to be about Bethenny. I honestly don’t get this chick. She has not once mentioned how scared she was that her baby came 6 weeks early, but bitches about how it interrupted her work.
Bethenny informs us that she is probably the first mother to have a baby shower with the baby already born. Shut up Bethenny. Millions of women have done it this way, because they are superstitious about celebrating for their child before he or she arrives, so they wait until after the birth. It’s actually common practice with a lot of my Jewish girlfriends. Moron.
For someone who is breastfeeding, Bethenny sure does drink a lot. Who are all the women at her shower? They probably all work on her show. She is asked about breastfeeding, and instead decides that she should talk about having sex, in front of her mother-in-law. She says Carol probably thinks of her as a guilty pleasure, but maybe she just thinks she’s a pig.
Bethenny is fake crying about having to leave the baby for a business trip. She is not crying because she is leaving her child, she is crying because she is excited to go to work. I did not buy her crocodile tears. She did what she knew would be compelling, except that we all know she is a conniving celebrity whore, so it did not work.
Bethenny gets back and pretends to be excited to see the baby. She talks about how she is going to throw away her book and stop working because she cares more about being a mom. Really? It’s not believable. She’s back in therapy saying that she created her own happiness. No you didn’t. Jason showed you how to be happy. Bryn showed you how to be happy. You were miserable before them, so give them the credit.
Bethenny is shopping with Max and she is obnoxious and ridiculous. Max is useless. She makes sure that everyone in the store knows she is going to the Hamptons. Then she complains about her busy life and her TV appearances. She is getting ready to go to the Hamptons and talks about working out and maybe surfing. She can’t have sex, but surfing is going to be cool.
They are going on their first family road trip. By family of course they mean two assistants, the baby nurse, and the baby. Bethenny decides that being trapped in the car for two hours will be the perfect opportunity to be mean to her husband. She can rip him apart, and blame him for everything. Good times. Bethenny is not funny, which is a shame because she used to be.
Bethenny is pumping her breast milk, and decides it’s yet another great chance to talk about sex with the baby nurse. Crude, inappropriate, and not a show I would ever want my kid to see if I was her. She bashes her husband’s football skills, jokes about getting a divorce, and again manages to make the show something she will be mortified to show Bryn.
Bethenny decides to burn the book she has been working on forever. By burning it, of course she means she is going to throw fake paper in the fire to somehow ensure that she gets another season. “Bethenny Writes Her Book” will no doubt be on Bravo in the spring. I miss the Bethenny we met years ago. This new Bethenny is gross.
They are all out to dinner, having another discussion about sex, and drinking more booze. She thanks Gina, tells Max he did good, gives kudos to Julie, tells Jason she is the luckiest girl in the world to be with him, and then tells Bryn she is the best thing to ever happen to her. Good script writers on this show.
She ends the show saying she has created her own family, and the future will be whatever she makes it. Translation: her future will include another season. I can safely say I will not be watching that new season. Will other people see through her façade and stop watching her on television? Time will tell, but I would advise Ms. Frankel to keep the faith.
August 5, 2010 | 9:12 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Bristol Palin announced she is not marrying Levi Johnston. A couple of days later, Judge Vaughn Walker overturned Prop 8, making it legal for the gay community to marry in California. Is it a coincidence that these two seemingly unrelated things happened one after the other, and so close together? I don’t think so.
Bristol never should have seriously thought about marrying back stabbing, lying, piggish celebrity whore Levi. Just because he is the father of her baby does not mean she should be his wife. All it means is that for the next 18 years she will be reminded he is a loser who gave her the greatest blessing of her life, Tripp.
It’s a travesty of justice that she is legally able to marry Levi, but gay people are not permitted the right to marry whoever they want. How is it possible that in the United States of America, the greatest country in the world, we have laws that do not allow all our citizens to be treated equal and fairly?
God Bless Judge Walker who stated as part of his ruling: “Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license. Indeed, the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite-sex couples are superior to same-sex couples.”
This decision will hopefully be the beginning of change for America. There will never be a time when everyone agrees on same sex marriage, but regardless of what side you are on, we must all remember that this is not about being gay or straight. It is about being an American, and having our country treat all our citizens with respect.
In my own life, the marriages I admire and covet are those of gay couples I am blessed to have in my life. My friends Andy and Patrick have the type of marriage I hope to have myself one day because it is filled with love, trust, support, respect and laughter. My friends Bill and Bill are married, and raising their son in a home full of joy. Who doesn’t want that?
I think Bristol calling off her engagement allowed all the stars to align. As long as she was going to marry Levi, there was something seriously wrong with marriage laws, and things were never going to make sense. Twenty years from now Patrick and Andy will still be married, Bill and Bill will still be married, and Bristol will be a Trivial Pursuit question.
Yesterday was a great day in California. Justice prevailed. Marriage was approved for all people and not just stupid kids. I am sending a huge Mazel Tov to all gay couples who today are equal. To Bristol, you’re a good kid and as long as you continue to be kosher, and avoid all pigs, you are going to do just fine. As for me meeting my own Patrick one day, I’m keeping the faith.
August 4, 2010 | 12:34 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
On Sunday night I went on JDate and I saw a picture of a man I thought was really attractive. I read his profile, and found myself smiling, intrigued by what he wrote. I sent him an email letting him know I enjoyed the boldness of his comments, and signed my name.
I never told him I was interested in him, I simply let him know I had checked out his profile. I was hoping if I made initial contact, he would then be interested in me too, and get in touch. Passive aggressive? I suppose so, but that’s what I did, and I heard from him on Tuesday night.
There are days when I feel very bold and am able to put myself out there in a clear way, and other days when it takes all my strength to just send a passive aggressive message and hope he responds. To be honest, my insecurity has only come into play since I’ve been on JDate.
When I was on match.com, I was contacted daily, and dated often, in an attempt to meet my Beshert. On JDate, I have been contact by about 6 men in 6 weeks. It turns out my blog, which was started out of a desire to meet a Jewish man, may now be a bit of a hindrance to my dating life.
To clarify, the man I wrote to said he appreciated that I wrote him, but he did not feel we were a match. He wrote that he was “keeping the faith”, and wished me well. When he put quotations around keeping the faith, I knew he was familiar with my blog. It was flattering, and crushing.
It snapped me back into my bold self, so I wrote to ask how long he had been reading my blog at the Jewish Journal. He responded that he had been reading since my date with “Richard”, which was about 6 months ago, and said he could not go out with someone “public”, as he was private.
I sometimes forget anyone besides my family is reading, so I was surprised by his note. If you put your picture up on a dating site, write a bunch of stuff about yourself, including what you do, how much money you make, and what your hopes and dreams are, then how private are you?
We ended up having a nice conversation, and it turns out the blog made him nervous. He said that while he admired my honesty in putting my thoughts and feelings out there in a way that was refreshing, it was intimidating to possibly expose his private life in such a public way.
I don’t mention my dates by their real names, and there are no pictures posted, but the fact is, I write a blog about my life, and my opinions, and the man I ultimately have a relationship with, is going to be a part of that, even if nobody ever knows who he really is.
So here I am, looking for my Beshert with a public blog on a major Jewish website. What do I do? There is only one answer really. I weed through the masses on Jdate, until I find a secure man who is brave enough to deal with a little baggage, or in this case, a little bloggage.
Will I ever meet a man who is brave enough to take on me and my blog? One could argue having two cats and a teenager would be considered baggage, but for me, it turns out my baggage comes in the form of a little blog, that at least one single Jewish man in Los Angeles reads.
My desire is to meet a Jewish man, so my odds should be good on JDate. I can’t just give up so I’m going to buckle up and take the wheel. There has got to be a man out there who is not afraid of my blog, and I will know him when I meet him, because he will be keeping the faith.