February 7, 2010 | 1:06 pm

Super Bowl Sunday

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Even if you don’t like football, today is a great day.  The Super Bowl is a game that is worth watching.  It is a day that is full of the American dream and people around the world watch, and live a little piece of the dream along with us.  You become invested even if you don’t follow the regular season.

I love the video packages they do on the players, showing their personal journey to the Super Bowl.  I am not ashamed to say that those videos make me cry.  When they talk about how they struggled to get there, I feel for them and want to see them win.

By the time I’ve seen a few of the video packages,  I’m torn over who I want to win because I see how important it is to all of them, regardless of the team they are on.  This is not just a game for the men who play.  It is a lifetime of chasing the holy grail.  I am not a hardcore football fan, but I have decided I am supporting the New Orleans Saints.

The one bad thing about New Orleans winning the Super Bowl,  is that we will have to listen to the Kardashian family talk about it like they were somehow responsible for the win.  They will figure out a way to make it about them.  It’s almost enough to make me go with the Colts. 

I have the romanticized view that if the Saints can win the Super Bowl, New Orleans can overcome anything.  This is a city that has earned the right to take center stage for an event that is full of joy not pain.  The Saints carry the weight of their city, and each of the residents, on their shoulders as they enter the stadium, and I hope they win.

I love it that Peyton Manning is the Quarterback for the Colts, but is from New Orleans.  I love it that Archie Manning, his dad, was the Quarterback for the Saints back in the day.  I love it that even though the Saints have never won the Super Bowl, the city has never abandoned their team.

There must be a little piece of Peyton that is torn today.  He is a Colt and his job is to help them win the championship.  He has worked hard and deserves to be there with his team.  His heart however, belongs to the city of New Orleans, and a part of him must want them to be victorious.

If the Saints win, it will be a story that we will all remember.  Men will tell their sons about the year the Saints finally won the Super Bowl.  It will be a story of redemption and faith, hope and promise.  They will win for a city that has stood by them for years, with no glory.

If I were brave, I would gather up my single girlfriends, go to a sports bar, and watch the game surrounded by men in their team jerseys and have a field day looking at all the eye candy.  In the end, I’m not that brave and will watch at home.

It is a great day for football and for the country.  It sounds so grand and over the top, but it’s true.  The world’s eyes are on upon our nation today as they all watch a battle which will determine the ultimate champions.  It is exciting and inspiring.

Enjoy the game, the commercials and the food.  To the Indianapolis Colts I wish you the best and congratulate you on making it to the end.  To the city of New Orleans and their beloved Saints, I hope you win.  It is your time.  Be strong, stay focused to very last second and keep the faith.

February 6, 2010 | 2:52 pm

Dating Experts

Posted by Ilana Angel

What makes someone an expert?  I have been on a lot of dates, so does that make me a dating expert?  I have been married so does that qualify me to write a book about how to get married?  When did simply having an opinion on a subject, automatically make you an expert?

I am single.  I have a blessed and full life and am rarely alone, unless I choose to be.  I am however, on occasion, rather lonely.  I would really enjoy having a man to share certain aspects of my life with.  With that desire comes an underlying fear that maybe it just won’t happen for me.

There are millions of women in America looking for love.  As one of those women, I believe there are two types of single people.  Those who search for love driven by hope, and those who are lead by fear. I am a true romantic, and very fortunate that my pursuit of love is hopeful, not fearful.

I think people who write books about dating and love are, for the most part, trying to help people.  There are a few however, who realize that with the loss of hope, comes fear, and that fear will lead someone to the self-help aisle of Barnes and Noble.  When you attempt to make money off of the insecurities of good people, I think it is sad.

I am wary of a 40 something woman, who has never been married, writing a book about searching for love, and ultimately advising women to settle in order to get married.  It makes no sense to me that this books like this are even published.  I worry for the people who are getting sucked into the hype, and by hype, of course I mean crap.

I am also untrusting of “dating experts” who think they can tell me how to date.  If you are telling someone to change what they are doing, is the implication that they are then being asked to not be themselves?  If I attract someone while doing what someone told me to do, isn’t that a recipe for disaster down the road?  Am I not better off being real and attracting a person who sees my authentic self?

People are getting rich and having their 15 minutes of fame because they prey on those who are living in fear.  They say that those who can’t, teach.  I think the more appropriate view, is that those who can, teach, and those who can’t, should stop teaching.

Have a wonderful weekend.  Go Saints! Shabbat Shalom.  Be brave, believe in yourselves, don’t be guided by fear, let hope lead you, and remember to keep the faith.

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February 5, 2010 | 10:44 am

Marry him? Settle? Good Enough?  I don’t think so Lori Gottlieb

Posted by Ilana Angel

Danielle Berrin, of the Hollywood Jew Blog, here at JewishJournal.com, just did an interview with author and essayist Lori Gottlieb.  Ms. Gottlieb suggested that the best thing single women can do for themselves is “settle”.  I would like to say to Ms. Gottlieb:  You have lost your mind.

Let’s begin with the obvious:  why should we take advice about getting married from a never married single woman in her 40’s, who is dying to get married?  Danielle writes that the closest Lori ever got to marriage, was with a two month relationship with a guy named Sheldon, who moved away from her.  Not exactly an inspiring love story.

Ms. Gottlieb wrote a book called “Marry Him!  The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough”, which, for the record, I have not read.  If you are interested in reading it, I’m sure you can find it at Borders on the discount table or perhaps in the science fiction section.

You can read the entire Hollywood Jew interview by Danielle at www.jewishjournal.com/hollywoodjew.  Let’s review a few of the items that I find interesting, and by interesting of course I mean ridiculous.

Ms. Gottlieb says she is not asking women to stop looking for Mr. Right, but to change their perception of who Mr. Right is.  She says women don’t understand that what will make us happy when we are married, is different than what makes us happy when we are dating.

That could not be farther from the truth.  What I want now as a single woman, is exactly what I will want when I’m married.  Her view sounds like that of a girl in her 20’s with no experience, not that of a mature, sophisticated woman in her 40’s.  She is doing a disservice to women, particularly to those who are so lonely they will believe anything in terms of finding love.

Ms. Gottlieb says that true love needs time to develop, and when we don’t have butterflies on the first date, we give up.  It annoys me when one person thinks they can speak on behalf of all people.  I am single, hoping to get married, and his woman does not know me or speak for me, and I do not agree with her.

Why is she asking women to do anything?  She is not even willing to take her own advice, or she would be married right now to Mr. Good Enough.  Settling should never be an option.  I believe compromising is required in a relationship, but there is a huge difference between compromising and settling, and she clearly suggests that we settle.  I don’t think so.

I am clear on what I want in my partner.  I want now, what I wanted when I was young.  My marriage did not end because I decided I wanted something else, like she suggests.  My marriage ended because we were faced with a series of stressful situations that we could not overcome.  We did not change who we were or what we wanted in a partner.

How exactly is Ms. Gottlieb qualified to explain why people get divorced?  She has never been married, or divorced, so how is it she knows what she is talking about? I don’t know her, or her book.  My opinion is based on her interview with the Jewish Journal, and I think she is way off.

When discussing marriage, Ms. Gottlieb says that women today are looking for a more egalitarian marriage when it comes to gender roles.  I don’t agree.  Women can be career minded, focused and determined, and still want a traditional marriage, with male and female roles clearly defined.

I am a perfect example of that.  I have a career, am successful at what I do, provide for my son, and myself, but still want a traditional marriage.  That does not make me a weak woman.  I am not unsophisticated just because I want to take care of my husband and keep a nice home.

Granted I’ve been married and have a child, so maybe I would feel differently if I were this age and had no child, or had never been married, but I just don’t think that is the case.  Perhaps if I were desperate, like Ms. Gottlieb, I would be more open to settling.

If I listened to her babble, I would be married to a man I am not 100% attracted to, who’s not Jewish, and does not have all the things I am looking for because I settled.  I feel bad for young women who will read her book and think this approach is the way to go.

Love can be grand and real from the very beginning and time makes it deeper. We must look at all the love in our lives, not just that of a romantic partner.  I love my son more everyday.  It is not because it has developed over time like she suggests.  The love of a romantic relationship is like any other love, and can be there from the beginning.  It can grow, but will not magically appear over time because we settled for someone and really, really want it to.

If I follow her suggestions, I should meet someone I like, stick with it, and wait for love to develop over time.  Why don’t I just go to a matchmaker and have a marriage arranged for me?  Perhaps a mail order husband? Should I teach my son to just find a girl, any girl, and make her the woman of his dreams?  I feel sad that this is her take on love.  It is a dark view, which is a real shame.

The saddest thing is that one day Ms. Gottlieb will meet someone, the right one, and feel the sparks of love from the beginning.  He will dump her because he does not want to be Mr. Good Enough.  Whoever she marries now, will be labeled the guy who she settled for.  How is she going to talk her way out of that one?

I am able to love others because I love myself.  I am a better mother, daughter, and friend because I like who I am and make no excuses.  I will be a great girlfriend and wife because I believe in love, not because I am willing to settle for someone less than I deserve, and try to make love develop over time.  How would a man feel if I told him he was just good enough?

I wish Ms. Gottlieb the best with her search for love.  She said that Mr. Good Enough is the man of her dreams.  You must love yourself before others can love you Lori.  You seem defeated to me, so my advice would be to not settle, but rather dream bigger, and always keep the faith.

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February 4, 2010 | 3:51 pm

Porn and Jews at Starbucks

Posted by Ilana Angel

This morning I went to Starbucks after I dropped my son to school.  I got a cup of tea and was walking to my car when I heard someone call my name.  I turned around and saw a man walking towards me.  There was a quick moment of panic because I didn’t know who he was, or how he knew my name.

He was about 5’ 8”, with a full head of curly grey hair, and beautiful blue eyes.  He looked like he could be a teacher or a salesman of some kind. I thought perhaps I knew him from my son’s school, or maybe we met at temple.  I was struggling to place his face, but nothing came to me.

He came over and asked if I was Ilana Angel.  I tell him yes and apologize because I don’t recall where I know him from.  He tells me we have not met, but rather that he recognizes me from the Jewish Journal.  I shake his hand and thank him for reading. 

He then shares with me that he is Jewish, single, available, and a producer of adult films.  He read my blogs about Jews and porn, and that was how he knew me.  It took me a minute to connect the dots that this charming Jewish man, worked in the porn industry.

He went on to tell me that he has nine people working in his office, seven of them are Jewish, and four have college degrees.  I am fascinated.  It makes sense that a successful business would include Jews, but it’s still surprising to me that Jews work in the adult film industry.

We had an interesting chat and he invited me to his office to talk with his staff.  They are young, focused, and hard working people who happen to work in an industry that is looked down upon.  Sam thought it was great that I was writing about a taboo subject, in a mainstream arena.

I want to say hello to Sam and his staff who are at work, doing something they love.  While I like to think I’m an open and nonjudgmental person, I turned down Sam’s invitation to dinner.  I’m just not evolved enough to date someone who works in the porn industry.

He could be the greatest man ever, and I am not willing to give him a chance because of his job.  Stereotypes are a horrible thing.  They alter our perceptions and limit our possibilities.  Can we ever really be able to live our lives without judgment?

I meet a lot of interesting people who read my blog at Starbucks.  At the end of the day, both Sam and I are looking for Jewish people to date.  I struggle with my age being a factor and Sam struggles with his job being a deal breaker.  Dating is so hard.

Life is complicated and it’s a shame that we go out of our way to make it more difficult.  It should not matter what a man does for a living.  What’s important is that he has a job that cares about, and does it well.  If only it was as simple to embrace that, as it is to keep the faith.

 

 

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February 3, 2010 | 6:12 pm

Mel Gibson, Sarah Palin and Rahm Emanuel

Posted by Ilana Angel

I don’t care that Mel Gibson called a news reporter an “a-hole”.  The fact is, the guy was being an a-hole.  The reporter brought up Mel’s drunken tirade from 4 years ago.  Who still cares?  Is Gibson now going to be labeled a Jew hating drunk for the rest of his life?

I don’t care that Rahm Emanuel called some people “f’ing retarded” in a private meeting.  Would Sarah Palin have had the same reaction if she did not have a special needs child?  Before her youngest son was born, did she never refer to someone as retarded in an unkind way?

I find it interesting when people jump on something that is not interesting, and turn it into a story, when it’s nothing.  We’ve all said things we are not proud of.  Anyone who ways they have never said an unkind, mean spirited, or race/religion based stereotype, is probably not being truthful.

Do people judge Mel because he spoke badly about Jews?  Would people not care what Rham said if he were not Jewish?  One could argue that Jews are targeted, and need to stand up for ourselves because so much hate is directed at us.

Or maybe, just maybe, people are overreacting?  Mel Gibson could be a bad drunk, not a Jew hater.  Perhaps Rahm Emanuel has a foul mouth because he is in a high stressed job, not because he is a Jew.  Maybe people need to relax and not over think it all.

There are people in the world who seriously hate Jews and wish them harm.  Let’s worry about them, and not waste our time boycotting Mel Gibson films.

There are people who are spewing filth all around us.  Let’s ask the kids in the mall to watch their language around our kids, and not worry that Mr. Emanuel is cussing in his office.

Sarah Palin is a charming and beautiful woman, but her political views are scary, so let’s not give her opinion so much attention.

The news can be scary and alarming.  Some days however, it’s just silly.  He said - she said, can be entertaining, but is usually just boring.

We all need to be more aware of the language we use, and be careful not to hurt others.  Let’s not worry about the f-ing, retarded,  a-holes, and focus on keeping the faith.

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February 3, 2010 | 12:36 pm

Sex:  A Timeline

Posted by Ilana Angel

Sex is something that people think about all the time, but never discuss.  Sex is one of the greatest things about being an adult.  When we are young, it is new, exciting, scary and forbidden.  It can take a minute to understand, even longer to enjoy, and a lifetime to perfect.

No one really explains sex to you when you are young.  They talk about the mechanics of it, but there is no discussion about how it feels, or how it can affect you emotionally or spiritually.  We are taught what it is, but not what it means.

When you date in your teenage years, it is a cloud that hangs over your head.  When will you do it?  How will it be?  Is everyone doing it?  Will I get in trouble?  What if I get pregnant?  There is a lot to worry about, and you wish you were in your twenties so it would be easier.

When you reach your twenties, it changes again.  Now everyone is doing it, and the stress of the first time, and being young, are gone.  Fear is replaced by guilt.  Will he think I’m a slut?  How many other people has he slept with?  Will he compare me to others?  What can I do without compromising myself?  Am I doing it right?

You wish you were in your thirties, married and done with dating.  You are confident in who you are, and aware of what you like.  With marriage, you lose the guilt. You can experiment in a safe and comfortable relationship, which can provide a totally fulfilling sex life.

So now you’re married, and the sex is great, and often.  Then you have kids, and it’s still great, but not often.  Then life takes over, and it becomes the cloud hanging over your head again.  You need to schedule, plan and time it.  Excitement is replaced by obligation, and passion is replaced by mechanics.

In your forties you’ve left the marriage and are now starting over.  The fear of teenage sex returns, and the guilt of twenties sex is back.  The safety and fearlessness of thirties sex has vanished, and you are now in your sexual prime, with no idea what to do, how to do it, where to find it, or how to trust yourself.

I’m not sure what sex will be like in the fifties and beyond, but I imagine it all reverts back, and eventually we are right where we started.  We spend a lifetime trying to understand it, when the truth is, sex is a cruel joke that life plays on you. 

When it first appears, you are confused.  By the time you figure it out, you are unable to do anything with it.  Dating at 40 is horrific because of sex.  The pressures have always been there, we were just too stupid to know about them, or even care.  Now we are all to clear what is going on.

They say youth is wasted on the young.  I would argue that sex is wasted on the young.  If only we knew when we were young, what we know as adults.  The entire process would be less painful and more enjoyable.  Sex is this hugely powerful thing that is given no clout and labeled bad, when it’s really a part of life that should be respected.

The truth is that sex is great.  I am not afraid to say it.  It should be valued and enjoyed, not feared and shunned.  Perhaps people would be kinder if they were having more sex?  Perhaps life would be a little less complicated, and more fun, if people were not so scared of sex?

I have a teenage son and it is terrifying to think that one day he will have sex.  Now sex is like homework.  It’s something I know I need to talk to him about, but just like algebra, I don’t understand it, and can’t offer much help.  All I can do is pray he waits a long time, and keep the faith.

         

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February 2, 2010 | 2:08 pm

The Bachelor Makes A Virgin Sacrifice

Posted by Ilana Angel

We are down to five girls and the road trip had come to an end in San Francisco.  Jake will eliminate one more girl before we have the hometown dates next week.

As the RV is pulling up to the hotel the girls are all giddy and someone says, “Where’s our man?”  That they think they are all friends is very entertaining.  They are just ridiculous and the silliest of all is Tenley, who gets the first date.

Tenley’s voice grates on my nerves.  She sounds so sugary and childlike.  If I were a guy, trying to make out with this chick, her voice would bug the crap out of me.  She is annoying and her naivety is not attractive.  She has milked the divorce card about as much as I can stand.

They are headed to Chinatown for some exploring, which I think is a fabulous date.  Jake is wearing a black turtleneck sweater and he looks absolutely fabulous.  A man in a turtleneck is very sexy and Jake is rocking it.  He looked so good I forget about how annoying Tenley is for a minute.

Back at the hotel, the next date card arrives.  It’s a double date, and Corrie says it’s for Vienna and Ali.  Ali’s response is that she feels sick at the news.  This girl is mean.  She thinks she can scare Vienna, but it’s not happening.  She is a joy sucker and I’m on Team Vienna.

Corrie is kidding and it’s really Vienna and Gia who go on the date.  Vienna is upset, but a lady, and wants to walk away from Ali.  Ali tells Vienna that if she is upset with her, she should tell her.  Vienna tells her she is still upset from the last rose ceremony where Ali was mean.

Ali says it’s not about Vienna, which is a total crock because last week she said it was all because of Vienna.  Ali is horrible.  She was my top pick on the first day, but no more.  I met her at the Bachelor house and she was sweet, but now thinking back, I see she was conniving and mean spirited then too.

Tenley and Jake are now having dinner and Jake is talking like he planned the whole thing.  It cracks me up.  I’m sure he found out that morning what they planned for them, yet he talks like he planned it weeks ago.  Too funny.

Jake says Tenley is the one he can most see as his wife.  I just don’t get it.  It will be like two pieces of white toast getting married and making a loaf of white toast babies.  I’m bored just thinking about it.  He tells her she knows more about marriage than he does, and they should talk about it.

Jake, she was married for 5 minutes and her husband left her for someone at work.  She may not be an expert.  I would suggest listening to your parents take on matrimony over the Disney Princess.  I’m just saying.  Jake talks about what he thinks a marriage is and it’s lovely. 

He tells Tenley that marriage will never be perfect, but the love can be.  That is my defining moment with Jake.  I fell in love with him, and after all these weeks I finally get his appeal.  Perhaps white toast is not too bad if you spice it up.  The problem is Tenley is mayo, which is boring on boring.

It’s now time for Gia and Vienna and they are off to a vineyard in Napa.  Vienna is my favorite.  She is really honest and funny.  She has not stabbed anyone in the back, and whatever she tells one of the girls, she tells Jake.  She is the only one who does appear to blatantly lie.

Back at the hotel Ali is starting to backpedal.  She is all of a sudden worried that Vienna will tell Jake what a horrible girl she’s been.  I’m not buying it for one minute.  She is trying to save her sinking ship and it’s too late.  She is the devil.

Jake pulls Gia away for a little private time.  She tells Jake how she is getting jealous, and it’s hard for her because she thinks they do things that are special to them, when really he is doing them with all of the girls.  He reassures her that all is well and she asks him,  “Is it okay to fall?” 

He tells her it’s okay and then makes out with her.  That one line is going to come back to bite him in the backside.  He is not going to pick her, then on the limo ride out of there, she will be crying about how he told her it was okay to fall, and she will throw it in his face.  You’re getting sloppy Jake.

Jake and Gia are making out and Vienna is walking through the castle looking for them, and calling out his name in a panic because she is lost.  Lost with a camera crew and production staff, but still lost.  She calls out, “Jake?  Honey?”  I love this girl and really think she is the best of the bunch. He will always be entertained with her.

Jake and Vienna are now alone and chatting.  It’s awkward.  She is so honest and open, but he appears to not really care.  They don’t make out, or hold hands, or anything.  Not sure if it’s creative editing to psych us out, or if the magic between the two of them is fading.

Jake takes the girls to see their room and we are hit with reality television perfection.  It’s the greatest line of the night, and it comes courtesy of our girl Vienna:  “Gia is a beautiful girl and she is really smart.”  I am still laughing about this one.  Really smart!  Vienna is hilarious! 

Vienna heads to Jake’s room with a bottle of wine to get a few more minutes with “her man”.  He is in bed, in boxers, and he tells her she should go back to her room so the other girls are not upset.  Her plan to make out backfired, and she is sent her off with her tail between her legs. 

It’s now time for a one-on-one date with Corrie.  Who is Corrie?  I have no idea.  This chick is invisible and I do not understand why she is still there.  Truth is, I didn’t know she was still there.  We know nothing about her except her name, and even that is hard to remember half the time.

They are in a rowboat in the park.  It is romantic and beautiful and the conversation is painful.  They have nothing to say to each other.  There are so many opportunities for them to kiss, and nothing.  It is excruciating to watch and you know it’s over for her.

Corrie is 23 and a “wardrobe consultant”, which I’m guessing means she works at Macy’s.  They have a lovely date and settle in for dinner.  Then the big announcement, Corrie is a virgin.  The only thing more uncomfortable than her saying she is a virgin is Jake’s response.  He is totally turned on by it and goes in for the smooch.

Here’s the thing, he knew he was never going to keep her.  He knew there was no connection.  He knew he was bored with her.  Even after knowing all of that, and her admission that she moves slow because she is a virgin, he still kisses her.  I think it was sad and a bad decision on his part.

If you are going to make a virgin sacrifice to the reality gods, then let her leave with her dignity.  She was so close to getting out of there unscathed and he ruined it.  I’m back to thinking Jake is not that great of a catch.  Gorgeous in his turtleneck, but not classy.

Last date of the trip is with mean girl Ali.  She lives in San Francisco and is going to show him around.  She is nervous and excited.  Tenley is so excited for her that I find it creepy.  Ali has a huge beach bag with her.  What is she schlepping around?

Ali and Jake make the most attractive couple.  The will have beautiful toast babies.  They walk along the beach and then settle in for a serious chat.  Jake wants to talk about her reaction to his choices at the last rose ceremony.

Ali says she just wants him to be happy.  That is such a crock.  None of these girls care whether he’s happy.  They only care that he chooses them and they are happy together.  Ali tries to sell herself as this great girl who has no issues with Vienna.  She is playing the game, saying what he wants to hear.  She is a manipulative liar.

It’s the final rose ceremony.  He is hanging with Corrie and he tells her that she is not any different than how he wanted her to be.  He is about to dump the virgin.  He liked knowing that she was one, but he’s looking to knock some boots and so she’s out.  Poor girl just does not see it coming.

He spends a few minutes with each of the girls and they make a plea for their love.  Gia wants to stand out to him and Corrie does not want to be labeled the virgin.  Ali and Tenley are gossiping and Vienna goes to spend time with Jake.  He seems to really dig her, but won’t just let loose. 

He gives the first rose to Tenley.  Then we have Ali and Gia.  It’s down to Vienna and what’s her name.  The virgin is out.  It’s so sad that she didn’t want to be labeled the virgin, but the fact is that we don’t remember her, or her name, so she will now forever be known as the virgin.

I think she cries in the limo not because she is sad, but because she is mad he kissed her when she was one day away from leaving untouched.  Jake says he dumped her because he was worried she would never open up completely for him.  That is a hilarious line to be the last thing he says about the virgin.

Hometown dates are next week.  The promo looks fabulous and I’m excited to see what the drama is all about.  There will be no rose ceremony so I’m thinking someone bows out.  Who will be the one to go?  Gia’s mom is like one of the Sopranos so maybe it’s her that “disappears”.

We are getting close to the end and it keeps getting better.  I love this show.  I love Mike Fleiss.  I love Vienna.  If Jake dumps her, she should be the new Bachelorette.  That will make for some great television.

To the virgin, you’re better off out of there.  To Ali, you are a mean girl and your days are numbered.  To Tenley, you are just too sweet and need to run away.  To Vienna, keep on fighting sister and don’t let them be joy suckers.  Hold your head high and keep the faith!

 

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February 1, 2010 | 3:04 pm

Desperate Housewives

Posted by Ilana Angel

When I was a little girl I wanted to grow up to be a housewife.  I still aspire to be a housewife.  I like being in a relationship and having the type of partnership that comes with the commitment of marriage.  What I am discovering is that many of the married people I know are not happy, as much as they are comfortable.

I was only married for 5 years, 13 years ago, so I am not an expert on marriage.  What I know is that the things I think are so great about being married, are things that it turns out some married people don’t have.  So many women say they want to marry their best friend, which sounds like the perfect situation, but is it really?

I’m not sure I want to be married to my best friend.  I know I don’t want to have sex with my best friend.  I am a better girlfriend, wife and lover because I have my best friend to help me navigate through life, and put my best foot forward in terms of my relationship.  I can run things by her and she gives me a clear perspective.

My single friends have more sex than my married friends.  Granted schedules are busy when you are married and managing a home, work, children and several lives under one roof.  That said,  a lot of my single friends are divorced, with children, and have the same challenges as married couples, but are having more sex than their married counterparts.

When couples lives become more routine than spontaneous, is that when the relationship transforms from one thing into another?  Can you really have great sex with your best friend?  Is it unnatural to think that humans can be monogamous?  Can you be married to your best friend, have a comfortable life, and still be sexually stimulated by that person?

Are housewives desperate?  For love?  Attention? Sex?  Do wives take their husbands for granted? As I search for love, I look at the relationships of people in my life, and I can’t help but feel a little sad.  I have friends who are in truly unfulfilling marriages, but don’t seem to care that much.  Is that what happens over time?

I want what they have, yet they don’t seem to take particularly good care of the lives they have built.  Is it better to be alone and searching for something fabulous, or to settle for something really good, and just be okay with it?

I have friends who are married and their life is fabulous on a lot of levels.  Sex seems to be the one aspect that is lacking.  Can anyone have a complete marriage that includes love, respect, sex and friendship?

I have been pre-dating a man for a little over a week and I keep postponing our meeting.  I like him.  He makes me laugh and challenges me.  I am enjoying talking to him.  I just don’t know if I am willing to risk having the bubble burst.  He could not be attracted to me, or could decide I am not what he thought I was, or vice versa.

There are a dozen things that could go wrong.  I have had a series of bad dates and it has shaken me up.  I am certain of what I want, but yet wary it can be found. This morning it is difficult for me to differentiate between expectation and hope.  Dating is hard, but perhaps better than marriage.

I will speak with this new man several times during the course of the day.  I will spend time looking forward to meeting, then sabotaging the meeting.  If you are in love, feel gratitude for the gift.  For those looking, our time will come, and it will come faster if we get out of our own way.  We must all keep the faith.

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