January 22, 2010 | 6:19 pm

Scott Brown Naked - Who Cares?

Posted by Ilana Angel

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I love a good-looking naked man as much as the next girl, but this is one I can’t quite bring myself to appreciate.  It does not matter that he is gorgeous and I want to run my fingers down his chest.  What matters is that he is a Republican and therefore just not that attractive.

Everyone is talking about the fact that he posed naked, but have lost site of the fact that his seat was held by Ted Kennedy, a Democrat, since 1952.  It’s sad to me that the Democrats lost the seat, and sadder still that people bought into his “I’m not an old guard Republican” rhetoric.

He tried to sell himself as a normal guy who was in touch with the people. I just don’t buy it.  He is a wealthy, educated man who is married to a television personality, and is not a regular guy at all.

No other Republican ran against him in the primary, so he never had to talk about classic Republican issues.  No one was given the opportunity to realize how scary he really is.

He thinks gay marriage should be decided state by state.  What is that?  Either you support it or you don’t, and he does not.  It is not a state by state issue.  It is a human rights issue and every gay person in America should have the opportunity and ability to marry.

He is against a national health care bill.  He talks about his desire to strongly fight Islamic terrorism, but the points he focused on are things that our President is already doing, and what any normal person would want to support.

You can take the belief system of the Republican party and masquerade it in the body of a hot and sexy man, but if it walks like a crazy old man who is out of touch with reality, and talks like a crazy old man who is out of touch with reality, then chances are it is simply a crazy old man who is out of touch with reality.

If he poses again for Cosmo, which they have asked him to do, I won’t buy it.  I really don’t care.  What I care about is the fact the America is going to hell in a hand basket, one tiny step at a time.  All I can do is be thankful that I never revoked my Canadian citizenship, and keep the faith.

January 22, 2010 | 1:25 pm

Sex and the City

Posted by Ilana Angel

Last night I went out for dinner with a group of girlfriends.  I was hoping to be able to get my mojo back and flirt with the waiter but she wasn’t my type.  She was also the bartender, so that was two possibilities out the window.  The one waiter there was old enough to be my dad, and it was pouring rain, so the valet guy was not going to be an option.  Sorry Tamar.  I really tried.

Once I came to terms with the fact that it was a night of just the ladies, I settled in for a lovely evening.  I worked with this group of women at the Shoah Foundation.  We spent years together in a stressful job and it created a bond that is very special.  We can speak in shorthand with each other and have a million memories together.

We have gone through weddings, divorces and a gaggle of boyfriends together.  Last night however, was the first time that we have all been together where I was the only single one.  We went to Bokado, a great little Spanish/Tapas restaurant.  Like the women of Sex and the City, we ordered cosmos and settled in for 3 hours of catch up.

“C” is the matriarch.  I have loved her for as long as I can remember.  She dresses impeccably and in the 14 years I have known her, she has never had a bad hair day.  She is a grandmother, but you’d never know it.  Her husband adores her.  They were high school sweethearts and if I didn’t know and love them, their perfectness would totally annoy me.  You can mention any name from the Los Angeles Jewish community and she’s got a story about that person.  She’s a hoot and sat at the head of the table as our fearless leader.

“B” is the person who hired me to work at the Foundation 13 years ago. She is probably the nicest person I have ever met in my life.  There is not an unkind bone in this girl’s body.  She is an angel and I truly feel blessed to know her.  She had a beautiful wedding and her husband is a remarkable man.  They are the loveliest of couples and hoping to start a family soon.  She will be an amazing mother.  When I was getting divorced she was the fist person I told.  She has a nurturing energy that makes people feel safe and loved.

“M” is an amazing girl and I love her.  She has the most generous heart and spirit.  She got married last year to her dream man.  He is tall, Jewish, handsome, smart and a total mensch.  I cannot picture her with anyone else, which is weird since I told her she should dump him!  They dated for a long time and I thought she might be wasting her time with a man who could not commit.  Thank God she didn’t listen!  They are my favorite couple.  I have been spending a lot of time with them and it has changed how I view my own life and my goals.  Her husband is my go to guy for a man’s opinion, which a great thing to have.  They too are hoping to start a family and I wish them blessings.  They are wonderful people and deserve nothing but joy.

“JK” is hilarious.  She has a daughter that just went off to college last fall and she misses her baby so much.  I can tell how sad she is by her Facebook status everyday.  She is a great teacher to me.  She has just one child and is divorced.  Out paths are very similar and I learn from what she goes through, knowing I will follow close behind.  She really put herself out there in terms of dating.  She was very proactive and has now met the one.  Her boyfriend is wonderful.  They met online and he is it.  It is inspiring and I imagine that one day they will just decide to get married and it will be spontaneous.  She is my hero in terms of looking for love.  She never gave up, never settled for good enough, and is now with her Beshert.

“J” has been my closest friend.  I introduced her to her husband and she said a blessing at my son’s Bar Mitzvah.  We recently had a disagreement and last night was the first time I had seen her in a while.  It was lovely to be with her.  I miss her and hopeful that things will be sorted out. 

It was a wonderful evening.  We figured it was time to go when our waitress came to say goodbye because she was leaving for the night.  When we are all together we always laugh, sometimes cry, reminisce and manage to share our dreams and goals.  Friends are important and I am a lucky girl to count these ladies among mine.  They have been with me in times of joy and sorrow and they are one of the main reasons I am able to always keep the faith.

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January 21, 2010 | 7:52 pm

John Edwards, Douche Lord

Posted by Ilana Angel

I write a blog about looking for love.  My heart has been broken.  Rather than retreat to a life of loneliness and defeat, I wipe myself off and get back up, each time I fall. 

I admittedly have a romanticized view of love.  I believe in soul mates and happily ever after.  There are few examples that I can refer to and say, I want what they have.

I can remember looking at John and Elizabeth Edwards and thinking that they were the fairytale.  They were beautiful, successful and in love.  They endured unimaginable heartbreak, and tremendous joy.

They were united and it was beautiful. His support of her through her illness was inspiring.  During the heartache that I experienced, I took comfort in their marriage.  It gave me hope.

That was then.  Today, I think John Edwards is a Douche Lord and his wife should divorce him.  His little girl, Quinn, should never give him the privilege of ever knowing her. 

I am not going to hold back, and while I know I will get slammed for it, I don’t care.  This guy is beyond disgusting.  I get that people cheat on their spouses.  I have been cheated on.  It happens, and though it’s a deal breaker for me, it does not have to be for everyone.

When Elizabeth stayed with him after his infidelity I felt for her.  I supported her decision.  I’m not sure her staying with him would have been the outcome, if she were not sick, but whatever.  She was not willing to give up a life with a man she loved for a mistake.  Good for her. 

He has been denying that he was the father of this little girl from the moment she was born.  Put aside what he thinks about his wife or his whore.  What does it say about him that he did not care about this child?

This little girl is going to grow up with a father who is a Douche Lord and a mother who is a whore.  She slept with a man who she knew was married.  She knew that not only was he married, his wife was ill.  Her lack of respect for herself and Mrs. Edwards makes her a whore. 

I feel horrible for Elizabeth and her children.  I feel horrible for this little girl.  I even feel a little bad for the whore that she got herself into this mess.  Who I do not feel sorry for, is John Edwards.

He has embarrassed himself and his family.  I hope the punishment is great.  I pray that Elizabeth has the strength to survive this.  Should she pass now, it will be yet another nail that he put into her coffin.  How much more is this poor woman supposed to deal with?

God Bless this family.  These are lives that are forever changed because of this pig.  John Edwards is a Douche Lord and he better start praying.  Do not waste your time praying for forgiveness John.  Pray that you are travelling first class on the train to hell because that is where you are headed.

Life will go on for all of us.  I pray that it will also go on for Elizabeth Edwards.  I am sending her my prayers.  Keep the faith Mrs. Edwards.  Keep the faith.

**Follow Keeping the Faith on Twitter @ilanaangel

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January 21, 2010 | 2:11 pm

Reality Television vs. Dating

Posted by Ilana Angel

Yesterday a reader named Tamar sent me the following comment: “It seems that your blog is less about being single in LA and more about reality TV. What happened to that? If I want a reality TV rundown I could go elsewhere.”

You are correct Tamar.  The last couple of weeks have been more about television than my dating life.  And yes, if you want to read about reality shows, you could totally look somewhere else.  They won’t be nearly as entertaining as mine, but you are welcome to go take a look.

Here’s the thing, my current dating life sucks.  It’s a drag.  I’ve lost my energy in terms of getting all dolled up to have dinner with a stranger.  Even my heartfelt desire to be in a relationship is being tested. 

First, it is pouring rain and impossible for me to have cute hair.  I either have to go with Jew fro, or slick it back in a bun.  I could put on a hat, but it shades my face, and then he’ll think I’m trying to hide something.

I’ve had 2 dates in last couple of weeks and both were too pathetic to even write about.  By pathetic of course I mean embarrassing.  I honestly did not think it would be this hard to meet someone.  I am fearless in terms of putting myself out there, but I just don’t have it in me at the moment. 

Date one was with a man who was 42 and spent the entire date calling me a cougar.  I am 8 months older than him.  8 months and I am a cougar!  He told the waiter we were on our first date and I was a cougar.  I wanted to smack him, but then he would have had me arrested for child abuse.  I bailed.  No second date.

Date two was with a man who was 55 and really lovely.  We had a nice date and while there was an age difference, we had things in common and he was a gentleman.  I enjoyed it.  When I put my hand on his arm while talking, I realized he had old people skin.  It was super soft and loose and I just couldn’t do it.  I bailed.  No second date.

How many horrible dates can I write about?  Even I’m starting to feel sorry for myself.  I’m much more comfortable with all of you feeling sorry for me.  Do you have someone to set me up with Tamar?  You could snap me out of my dating funk with one simple set up!

I went to a party last weekend for a friend’s birthday.  (Happy Birthday Elaine!  Great party.)  Other than a couple of fabulous gay men, I think I was the only single woman there.  I met some really fabulous couples, and it made me want to be part of a couple, yet lately I’ve done nothing to make it happen for me.

I am a dating machine.  I date a lot.  In fact, I date more than any of my single friends.  I love men and I date to meet someone, so I decided to be proactive until I find him.  The thing is, I’ve lost my mojo.  Rather than date just for the sake of dating, I’m laying low and watching reality television.

I suffer, because it’s harder to get back on the horse when you wait too long.  My readers suffer, because I am not regaling them with my dating antics.  My Beshert suffers, because I am not searching for him, so he has to wait for me.  It’s a big mess.

Your comment may have been just what I needed to kick me back into gear.  Thanks Tamar.  I am going to round up a date for this weekend.  I need to get my fabulous self back out there.  Enough is enough.  You are a good reader!

I am having dinner with some girlfriends tonight so maybe I’ll hit on the waiter.  I need some practice since I’ve been out of it for a while.  Maybe I’ll start with the busboy or the valet guy, and work my way up to the waiter by dessert.

I’m not giving up on my reality television recaps though.  Tonight is the season finale of Jersey Shore so you know I’ve got to say something!  I will get back on track with my dating this weekend and all will be well again.

Thank you Tamar.  Thanks to everyone who reads my blog.  I am amazed every day by how many people read it.  I appreciate you staying with my while I go through a dating slump.  As for my getting back to the focused single dater that I truly am, just keep the faith!

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January 20, 2010 | 1:53 pm

Millionaire Matchmaker Crapfest

Posted by Ilana Angel

The season premier of Millionaire Matchmaker was on Bravo last night.  I want to say, with my whole heart, that I think Patti Stanger is a crock.  She is full of crap.  I cannot believe she is managing to keep this show going.  I am embarrassed for her.  She is a horrible Jewish stereotype and makes me want to gauge my own eyes out.

Why would people pay money to this woman? In the two years her show has been on television, we have not seen a wedding. If your business is matchmaking then wouldn’t a wedding be the ultimate sign of success?

Patti opens the show saying her matchmaking ability has gotten her not only notches in heaven, but notches in life.  Really?  Since when does being a hypocrite get you notches on the belt of life?  I can tell you Patti has not gotten notches for entrance into heaven.  What she has is a series of notches on my bedpost, made with a bottle opener, for every time I watch her show and did not impale myself, just to make it stop.

The show used to state she had a 99% success rate.  They have changed it to an “extremely high” success rate.  I think the only extremely high thing here is the millionaire who buys into her scheme.  Destin is the COO of her company.  Don’t get it.  Rachel is Destin’s fiancé, the Director of Registration, and the mother of their son. Who is called Sin.  Don’t get it.  Chelsea is the VP of Matchmaking.  Don’t get it.

Patti refers to Chelsea as the main matchmaker, yet says it’s her God given talent and intuition that makes her successful.  Has she managed to transfer her God given talent to Chelsea?  What is that smell?  It’s crap.

This week she sets up two twenty something guys who are clearly not looking for love but rather TV time.  She goes to meet with them and she is full of herself.  She tries to be funny and she’s just not.  They do a “casting” session for women to meet the millionaires and she complains that they are all ugly.  Maybe all the hot chicks watched the show and realized they’d have to be complete morons to be a part of it.

Patti says “no gold diggers” are allowed in her club.  Really?  They are there to meet millionaires and they are not gold diggers.  This chick is seriously stupid.  She yells at a client that he is not going to make her look like an idiot.  Oh Sweetie, you did that all by yourself. 

The millionaires meet the “ladies” and one asks a chick if she likes to travel, and where she’s been out of the country.  Her response is that she has never been outside of the country but went to Jamaica and Mexico.  Are they now part of the US?

I know that some of you are saying I do not know her and am basing my opinion on a “reality” television show.  The fact is, I have met her.  I approached her at a party with a friend of mine and she was a complete and total &^%$#.  She is not a nice person.  My friends and I have had more success setting up our friends with each other, than I bet she has in her scam matchmaking business.  All her show does is make me feel sad for Heidi Fleiss.  Poor Heidi was ruined for doing the same thing that Patti does.

I cannot explain why I am so annoyed by this woman.  I suppose that at the end of the day, I just think she is bad for women.  Her advice is idiotic and her made up vocabulary is ridiculous.  To all the millionaires who are giving her money, you’re better off giving your cash to the people of Haiti, and finding love on your own.  To the people who watch her show and hear her blanket statements about the women of Los Angeles, she is wrong.

Last year Patti said she was not the marrying kind.  She is now planning her wedding on her show.  It took her boyfriend 5 years to ask her to marry him.  He only asked her after she found success on television.  Coincidence? Perhaps Patti was not the marrying kind because no one was asking her.

Single people managed to find love and get married long before Patti Stanger came along and will continue to do so long after her 15 minutes are up.  To the millionaires who have thrown their money, it’s okay.  Love will find you.  Just keep the faith.

*You can follow my blog on Twitter @ilanaangel

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January 19, 2010 | 4:14 pm

The Bachelor: Crazytown to Bitchville

Posted by Ilana Angel

Last night’s show started off with the first one-on-one date going to my favorite tranny, Vienna.  I am really starting to dig this girl.  On one hand she is tough as nails, yet her feelings get hurt when someone does not like her.  She is young and trying to find her own path, so we need to cut her some slack.  It’s so brave to go on a show like this pre-op.  God Bless her.

Jake takes Vienna on a helicopter ride and the destination is bungee jumping.  He is on the bridge, ready to jump, gets scared, and says he is afraid of heights.  Really?  He’s a pilot.  He can cruise at 35,000 feet but the top of a bridge freaks him out?  I don’t want a pilot flying me to have this fear.  I’m just saying.

They are about to jump, Jake is about to cry and back out, when Vienna kicks into protective mode.  She is so supportive I just fell in love with her.  She is cute and strong. I think there is hope for her.  She is too young for him, but somehow I get it.  I hope she can have her surgery completed before the wedding.

Jake is awkward with her and tells us there is a good chemistry, but clarifies that it’s emotional chemistry.  Their kisses are weird but it’s almost charming.  It allows them to build on something other than sexual chemistry, which is a good thing.  When says she is on “cloud Jake” was cute.

Vienna is back at the house and the claws in Crazytown are coming out.  Ali, the Sleeping Beauty look-a-like who was so sweet in the beginning, is now horrible.  Really a bitchy, mean girl and I don’t like her.  Is that harsh?  No?  Okay, she is a skank and I don’t trust her.

Everyone is jealous of Vienna, but what is so strange is that they are are oddly supportive of each other.  How is that possible?  It’s a competition people and you should all hate each other, but only hate her.  Hands off my tranny friend.  Vienna is telling them about her date, and it’s sweet, but they don’t get it.  Crazytown is rapidly becoming Bitchville.

Now we are on a group date with Jon Lovitz at his comedy club.  Jake is back doing the thing where he talks like everything is his idea.  Like Jon is his friend, and he arranged the whole thing.  It’s my biggest pet peeve about this show.  It’s actually my only pet peeve.  Jake has nothing to do with any of the planning.  He met Jon at the same time as these chicks. He needs to stop.

They are going to do stand up and Ashleigh is crying because she is scared.  First, if this chick if 25 then I am a natural blond and weigh 120 lbs.  She is in her 30’s and she is a freak, immature and pathetic.  Roz was an idiot to mess around with a staffer.  She should have waited a week and had a shot at Jon Lovitz.  Is he single?  He is Jewish, and can stand by himself to pee, which is about all that is required at this point in my dating life.  Slim pickings people.

All the girls are doing a stand up routine, and my eyes are bleeding, but I can’t stop watching.  Ali refers to herself as “elementary”, which is the smartest thing she has said since we met her. Jessie is forgettable, Tenly puts her legs behind her head, Elizabeth goes blue, Kathryn steals a horrible kiss, Cory impersonates all the girls. and all the while Michelle is losing her mind.

Michelle talks about her first kiss.  I imagine her head starting to spin around as she spews puke.  She talks about how much she loves him.  It is mortifying. I would watch surveillance tape of this chick in her padded room. She is creepy. Her stand up is painful.  I’m not a doctor, but this chick needs medical attention. 

After the comedy club, the group date goes for a drink.  Tenly pulls Jake aside and finally tells him she is divorced.  She mentions her husband left her, she was a virgin when she got married, and has not been with anyone since.  I kept waiting for her to recite scripture and how this was what Jesus wanted for her.  She has got to go. 

Ashleigh goes off with Jake and talks about how much everyone hates Vienna.  She was petty and disgusting.  Jake listened, but then said he felt bad because Vienna was not there to defend herself.  It’s those types of things, that make me love Jake.

Back at the house, Gia is lecturing Vienna about how horrible she is, and makes her cry.  Poor thing.  She is wearing no make up, and looks like a little boy, which she is, and I feel sad for her.  They are being mean, and calling her dangerous.  It’s ridiculous.  They hate her because she has balls.  Literally and figuratively.

Mean girl Ali sits with Jake, and is worried because they have not seen each other since their date.  She is a loser and I want her gone.  She dumps all over Vienna, and that is all going to come back to hit her in the face.  They are so sure Vienna will show her true colors, but in the meantime, they are all showing theirs.

Michelle is now cracking before our eyes. She is crying, talking about how she is looking for love, and no one else is on the same level.  She is telling Jake how she really, really, really, really, really wants a husband.  She asks for a kiss, then explains that it’s to see if she feels anything.  He kisses her and it’s a disaster.  By disaster, of course I mean great television.

She then pulls the oldest and dumbest power play ever in the history of dating.  She tells him she can’t stay, but will, if he wants her to.  He tells her to go.  BAM!  Then she says she can’t believe he is doing this to her.  Oh. My. God.  I love this show.  I am sad to see Crazy go.  Her last words to us are, “I want to marry him, but he is not the man for me”.  She is a bi-polar mess.

Jake is talking to the group date ladies. He is exhausted, emotionally drained, and has decided to go home and not give out a rose.  I thought it was charming for a second, but then decided it was cowardly.  He should have given the rose out, then left.  They are all talking about how much integrity he has.  No one is pissed they didn’t get the rose.  Not buying it.

One-on-one date number two goes to single mom Ella.  They take off in a helicopter and Vienna is left at home with the madness.  She apologizes to everyone if she has hurt any feelings.  Ali jumps all over her again.  I need Ali to go home.  She is Satan and karma is going to get her. Thank goodness when it happens, we will all be able to see it from the comfort of our couches.

Ella and Jake are at Sea World.  He gives her a birthday present and it’s a visit with her son Ethan.  The kid runs up to his mom and she didn’t even cry.  She hugs him, with one arm, and says what are you doing here?  It was the most unemotional reaction.  It was as if they had been together at breakfast.  I thought it was weird.

It got stranger when she watched Jake with Ethan.  That is when she cried.  Granted Jake was amazing with the boy.  Really lovely and kind.  As a single mother it warmed my heart to see him with the child.  But she only cried when she talked about what a great dad he would be.  She was more emotional about finding a dad for her kid that seeing her kid.  I’m done with Ella. 

We’re back in Crazytown and Elizabeth goes off for a chat with Jake.  It is hard to tell who is crazier, Michelle or Elizabeth.  These two chicks need to have their own show.  Her “don’t kiss me approach” blows up in her face.  Vienna comes over and interrupts their time.  She is pissed because she thinks Vienna ruined it, but it was already decided sister.  You are a loon.

Elizabeth said, “I am not vanilla.  I am all the colors of the rainbow”.  Since when is vanilla a color in the rainbow?  I am still laughing about that line.  She is, “not a fish in a pond waiting for a hook”.  Really?  Don’t fish avoid hooks in a pond?  She may be the dumbest girl there.  She flip flops on everything she says and in the end she is out.

At the rose ceremony, Jessie has quite simply the ugliest hair on television.  Elizabeth is gone, as is Valishia the “homemaker”.  Valishia cries and says she is used to things not going her way and it is something she lives with everyday. As she is crying I want to slap her.  We are down to 9.

The only thing that could possibly make this show any better is if The Situation from Jersey Shore is the next Bachelor.  That would be the greatest casting in reality television history.  Even though it’s a long shot, I’m going to cross my fingers and keep the faith.

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January 18, 2010 | 1:20 pm

Jersey Shore Goes Jewish

Posted by Ilana Angel

Jersey Shore is a phenomenon.  Not only do we all watch it, don’t lie, you watch it, but we can watch the same episode over and over again.  It just does not get old and when I thought it could not get any better, the shore has gone Jewish.

I was happy to see promos about “the Israeli chick”.  I’m thinking one of the guidos is going to fall in love with a Jew, and she will be awesome.  Then we meet Danielle. For the 20 giants steps forward that Bar Refaeli took the image of Israeli women, Danielle just shot us back 100 steps.

Pauly is one of the show regulars and he is hilarious.  His life revolves around going to the gym, tanning, doing laundry and scoring chicks.  He spends 25 minutes doing his hair everyday, and sometimes it’s 2 or 3 times a day. Interesting note: his hair looks ridiculous.

So Pauly meets Israeli Danielle.  She is not particularly attractive but cute enough to get hit on at the Jersey shore.  She tells him she loves being Jewish and he should come to the Holy Land to which he responds, “I will get beat up there.  I’m Catholic dude.”

He tells the camera that he does not know anything about Israel or “that” religion and all he cares about is “getting to the business” with Danielle.  He tells her they should go to his room and she tells him they can’t have sex until they get married. 

He complains it’s going to be impossible to hook up with her, but he loves a challenge.  If he can hook up with her it will be his accomplishment for the summer.  He says this after he tells us that she is annoying and he doesn’t even really like her.

If I were 20 years younger, really stupid, had no self-esteem and a serious drinking problem, I would totally go to the shore this summer to score me a guido.  It is so romantic.

Danielle makes out with Pauly for a minute and then leaves.  He met her, she wouldn’t put out, she bails, he moves on.  Done. Israel gets a 2 minute mention and it’s over.  Just as well. Danielle seems a little off so it’s good she’s gone and won’t be embarrassing the tribe.

Then Pauly is out on the boardwalk with a trio of girls and out of nowhere Danielle comes up to him.  She seriously came out of nowhere and just appears.  Houston we have a problem.  How do you say stalker in Hebrew?

She asks him what he’s doing later, he says nothing, she says let’s hang, he tells her he’ll call when he gets home.  She leaves.  He’s freaked out but continues with his friends.  Cut to a few minutes later when he is at the tattoo parlor and hears his name being called.  Guess who?

She has purchased him a t-shirt that says I Heart Jewish Girls, and lets him know she added the Star of David.  That would be cute, except for the fact that it means she either keeps fabric paint in her purse, or, bought the shirt, drove around looking for a fabric store, got paint, made the star, let it dry, then gave it to him.  How do you say creepy in Hebrew?

So he gets the shirt, let’s the camera know he will never wear it, and tells her again, he will call her when he gets home.  She tells him not to be a #&@% and call her because she will not call him.  Okay.  He tells her he will.  She kisses him and leaves with a totally pissed attitude. 

Pauly goes on with his business and decides to go on a ride on the boardwalk. He gets off the ride and there is Danielle.  She is full on stalking now and totally passive aggressive. The girls he is hanging out with are now scared of her, and blow off Pauly so he heads home.

Remember, Danielle told Pauly that she will never call him.  It is his job to call her and she is NOT calling.  So Pauly is now home and the phone rings.  He does not want to answer because he thinks it’s Danielle, so a roommate answers and surprise, surprise it’s the Israeli.

She calls every 5 minutes for the next hour.  Pauly has determined she is crazy and will teach her a lesson.  He said he would call, she freaked out when he didn’t, he takes the phone off the hook and lets her stew.  Are you following? How do you say train wreck in Hebrew?

It’s now morning and the entire house is talking about the stalker.  Everyone agrees the Israeli is conductor of the A-train to Looneyville.  The phone rings, the background music starts, we all know who it is.  Mike answers, gets Pauly and tells him to wait so he can make popcorn.  The roommates get comfy and listen in to the show.

This is my favorite part.  Everyone is listening and Danielle goes from being a weird stalker to a total embarrassment.  She tells Pauly there is one thing he needs to know about her and it’s that she does not like to be played.  Really?  That’s the ONE thing we need to know about you Danielle?  How do you say delusional in Hebrew?

She is rambling on about how she feels stupid for how HE is acting, and he keeps asking if it’s his turn to speak.  She is screaming about how she is not stupid.  She tells him it’s his turn to talk, and as he is talking, she keeps talking.  He is talking over, her telling her it’s his turn, but she won’t shut up.  It is comedy gold.

Pauly is talking calmly when he tells her she is a crazy stalker and should have just trusted him. She loses it, screams she is not crazy, or a stalker, and she will not be made to look stupid.  It’s a little late for that.  She has pulled off a miracle. She managed to make Pauly look like a great guy. Which seemed impossible for the first 8 episodes of Jersey Shore.

She is still talking, explaining again how she is not a loon, and he hangs up on her.  He then informs us all that Danielle is not looking for a hook up, she is looking for a husband.  Can you imagine the nerve of this guy?  A nice Jewish girl looking for a husband?  Unheard of. 

Thursday will be the season finale of this train wreck.  I am sad to see them go and hope they come back with a whole new group of freaks.  Here’s an idea MTV, do a show called “Beaches of Eilat” and get a group of 8 hot Israelis to hang out in a house and send a guido there on holiday.

I love this show.  It’s the most entertaining hour of non-entertaining entertainment ever.  As for it coming back for a second season, I’m going to keep the faith.

**You can follow me on Twitter @ilanaangel

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January 15, 2010 | 1:08 pm

Happy Birthday

Posted by Ilana Angel

This weekend my son will turn 14.  I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday, yet I barely remember things that happened before he came.  It’s strange.  I can recall details of his life, but my childhood has faded.  I suppose that’s normal when you have kids.  My memories are marked in terms of his life.  He is pure sunshine and my life got infinitely better when I had this child.  I am blessed to be his mother, and proud to call him friend.

When he was two, he tried to stick something in a wall socket.  I raced over and slapped his hand.  He got scared and cried.  I remember it vividly.  To this day, if he gets in trouble, he’ll say: “remember when you hit me?”  It cracks us up every time.  When he was little he’d say he wanted to marry me when he grew up.  I remember the day he stopped wanting to marry me, and changed it to he wanting to marry someone just like me.  He was growing up.

He tells me I’m beautiful, thinks I’m funny, does his chores and is a wonderful student.  He is a loyal friend, compassionate and tolerant.  He appreciates that his life is blessed, supports the underdog and is hilarious.  He is giving an Aliyah tomorrow to mark the 1 year anniversary of his Bar Mitzvah. He is not Jewish just because he was simply born into it.  He is Jewish because he has chosen it and I am very proud of that.

This weekend I will have ten 14 year old boys sleeping over.  They will watch movies and wrestling.  They will eat every single crumb of food in my home.  They will stay up way too late killing Nazis and having video game challenges. I will be holed up in my room listening to them talk and laugh.  They are a remarkable group of young men and always make me laugh.  Talking to them teaches me something new and makes me look at things in a different way.

I always wanted to be a mother.  When I was a little girl it was my dream.  I had my son when I was 30 and in all those years of wanting to be a mother, I never imagined it would be this great or this hard.  My own mother had 4 kids by the time she was 26. I marvel at how hard it must have been.  With each moment that I love my child I think about my mother and how much she loved all of us.  It makes me love her even more.

I guess all I really wanted to say today was that I love my son.  This weekend he will become a full-fledged teenager, preparing for high school and a blink away from getting his driver’s license.  The time is flying by.  I welcome everyday with a full heart.  I watch him and see my life is glorious.  I don’t worry that as he ages, so do I.  I am excited for him to grow up and feel fortunate that I get a front row seat to his life.

I look forward to his driving lessons, high school applications, and first job.  I can’t wait to dance at his wedding and spoil his children.  With each of those milestones I will be older and for a lot of them I will be just plain old.  Wish me well this weekend!  Say a prayer for my neighbors as they are going to suffer through the party with me.  The next four days are jam packed with activities and celebrations and I can’t wait.  Happy Birthday to my boy!

Shabbat Shalom.  This weekend, when I can barely stand all the noise, and want to vacuum while they sleep because there is food all over the floor, I will count my blessings and keep the faith.

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