January 29, 2010 | 6:38 pm

Millionaire Matchmaker: Please Make It Stop

Posted by Ilana Angel

Follow me on

Last week I blogged about the Millionaire Matchmaker show on Bravo.  I am not a fan of this show, and was not planning to watch it again because it is offensive.  A friend insisted I watch it one more time because she was setting up two young Jewish men.  I watched.  Ouch.

I am sad that this woman is representing matchmaking in such a public way.  I cannot find anything to admire about how she runs her business.  Watching her show is actually painful, and I won’t put myself through such torture ever again.

Some people love the sound of their own voices so much, that when they run out of things to say, they make up words just so they can keep talking.  I would rather stick my hand down my own throat, and remove my kidney, than be set up by this woman.    Millionaires are better off sending their money to Haiti.

She starts off the show talking with Rabbi Shmuley and tells him that her company is not about people dating for money.  Really?  Then why is it called the Millionaire Matchmaker?  Why is she on television?  Andy Cohen, we need to talk.  I love you, but you must make it stop!

She gets a new client with a beard and says from the nose up he’s Jewish, and from the mouth down he’s terrorist.  He likes to paint and so she calls him feminine.  She says he is a man in business but needs to be a man in the bedroom.  She has seen his tape for less than a minute and this is what she has determined.

The next client is an actor who is 5’ 6”.  She says his hands are small and therefore she is worried he is not well endowed.  Oh.  My.  God.  I am amazed that she is on television as an example of what a matchmaker is, and even worse, what a Jewish woman in her 40’s is.

She says there is no way for these clients to get hot girls when they look like they do.  Then why did she take their money?  There is somebody for everyone.  In most cases, there is more than one person.

She tells her clients they are useless and will never meet anyone.  Why would someone pay to be treated so poorly?  She is now going to do a recruiting session with the women for these men.

The first chick is a little Jewish girl who says she fasted for Yom Kipper, which is why she looks emaciated like she just came out of Auschwitz.  This may be the most offensive show on television.  I would rather hang out with Frank the Entertainer in his basement than with the people on this show.  Why are Jewish organizations not fighting to get this show cancelled?

There is one girl who is fresh out of college and she waits tables at The Olive Garden.  Patti tells her the economy is tough and she should marry a millionaire.  Is she kidding? She talks about how her service is not for gold diggers but just advised a girl to marry a millionaire instead of focusing on her professional life. 

The men arrive for the mixer and both think the other is no competition.  She calls one a grandpa and says she would date the other one.  It’s all very sad.  While the actor is a bit over the top, they are two nice Jewish boys and that they felt the need to go on this show is just sad.  Sad for them and sad for us.

Both of the men asked for Jewish women.  Patti says. “I threw in a few shiksas because love knows no religion”.  It is unbearable to watch.  I would cut off my own arm with a butter knife before I watch this show again.  I invite Patti to sit down and debate me.  Come on Sweetie.  Lets you and I sit in a room with a bunch of Jewish singles and discuss dating.  I dare you.

The show is only 34 minutes in and I simply cannot stand to watch one more minute.  She talks about mitzvahs and blessings but sets up Jewish men, who requested Jewish women, with girls who are not Jewish.  I don’t get it.

Patti Stanger needs to wrap up her 15 minutes and this show should be cancelled.  I’m sure looking for love when you are a millionaire has its own set of obstacles and challenges.  When given choices of how to spend your money, use it to fix the world and focus your energy on keeping the faith.

January 29, 2010 | 4:33 pm

Online Dating Hell

Posted by Ilana Angel

After a self-imposed dating hiatus, I finally went on a date.  Oh. My. God.  I discovered that there is in fact a hell on earth.  It is a date with “Bob”.

We all know Jewish men are my preference.  I am a practicing Jew and I would like to be with a man who shares my faith.  The majority of people in my life tell me I should let that go and think outside the box.  Maybe I will one day, but for now it is important, so I’m not budging.

Bob found me online and sent a lovely email.  He was charming and funny.  He appeared to be a regular guy and lacked the “I’m full of crap” vibe that is found in big huge piles all over dating sites.  He is 45, 5”10, and quite attractive.  He did not list his religion.

I respond to his email.  We go back and forth a few times, then exchange numbers.  We chat and he seems very nice.  I ask him what his religion is, and he tells me he is Jewish.  We made a plan to meet for dinner.

My friends think dinner for a date is stupid.  You are stuck with someone for at least an hour, and that can be brutal.  A drink or coffee is easier.  It’s not as much of a risk or commitment, but it feels like an interview to me.  Surely I can be mature enough to enjoy a meal and talk with someone.

We meet for dinner.  I walk in and look around but I don’t see him, so I wait at the bar.  He is now 10 minutes late.  My phone rings and it’s him.  He asks if I’m ok and am I on the way.  I tell him I’m at the bar waiting for him.  He is in the restaurant and I walked right by him.  Not a good sign.

He comes to get me from the bar and I am in total shock.  He is not 45.  He is a much older man.  I am clearly surprised and he appears to be, for a quick second, embarrassed.  We go sit at the table and the gross fest begins. 

I remind him that he stated online that he was 45.  He tells me that he is a great guy and was not getting hits when he listed his real age, so he changed it “a little” to get interest.  He is really 57.  The picture he posted was when taken he was 45.  He thinks he looks exactly the same.  He actually looks about 65.

He is not 5’10”.  He is 5’’8’ but wears cowboy boots, which make him 5’10”, and since he wears them everyday, it’s just easier to list his boot height.  He is also not Jewish. I list myself as Jewish and since he is agnostic, it seemed as good a religion as any to say he was.

I am in shock at this point.  The level of dishonestly in the man blows me away. He is crazy.  He grew up in New Jersey and all I can think about is The Situation from Jersey Sore.  This is what he will be like when he gets old.  I am on a date with a 57 year old Situation.

My hair looked pretty, I’m wearing a super cute outfit, and I was charming and kind.  However, when I told him that I was surprised by his series of lies, he told me I was shallow, selfish and unattractive.  That’s when I had enough and hit the wall.

I got up, said thank you, and left.  Really?  How is it possible that men are like this?  I know women do the same things, but this is about Bob.  When did it become okay to be so horrible to people?  I went on a date with a compulsive liar and in the end he said it was me that had issues.

Dating is brutal and this was enough to make me stop dating.  I struggle to find a reason to bother trying anymore.  Some days I just don’t think I have it in me.

At the end of the day, it’s just another bad date and not the end of the world.  The thing is, with each man that is incapable of being decent to another human being, I am inspired to keep looking.  When I meet the right man, I will appreciate him more because of men like Bob.

I have a date with another man this weekend.  I will go, slightly jaded, but still hopeful.  As long as I am jaded, but my spirit is not broken, I will be able to keep doing this.  Whether or not I can stick with it until I meet someone great, will be determined by my ability to keep the faith.

2 Comments — Leave your comment

January 29, 2010 | 1:21 pm

Week In Review

Posted by Ilana Angel

I allowed my ego to guide my life this week. Sometimes the best thing I can do for myself is not listen to me.  Whatever I tell myself I should do or say, I must do the opposite.  When it comes to decisions about my own life, there are situations and subjects where I feel I cannot be trusted.

There are strange people in the world and I discovered that a lot of them read my blog.  It is amazing that for every 100 people that read it, 99 could love it, but I care more about what the one person who hated it thinks.  I need to stop caring about that one person.

I am happy that Samantha Harris has quit her job with Dancing With The Stars.  I never got her.  I am looking forward to the new season even more now.  I hope they don’t replace her with someone lame. 

I am pre-dating a man I met online last week.  He makes me laugh out loud which is sexy.  We have a great connection on the phone, but have yet to meet each other.  No good can come of this.  Pre-dating always leads to disaster. 

My son applied to his top three high schools this week.  I feel proud, old, scared, nervous and excited for him.  He is growing up so fast. 

I am going to read Catcher In The Rye again this weekend. 

I am standing by Elizabeth Edwards.

I think bullies are unattractive.

I am looking forward to the continuing blood bath on The Bachelor.  Jake is taking control, and it is fabulous. 

I am not going to stop sharing my opinion, in my own words.  I am going to try really hard to not get in my own way, and more importantly, not allow my decisions to be influenced by my fear.

Rough week.  Lessons Learned.  Faith tested.  I hit a roadblock.  The most surprising thing was that it turns out I placed it there all by myself.

When you have a goal and a direction set, as you get closer to what you are seeking, doubt and fear can creep in.  I need to take a deep breath, stay focused, and trust myself.  I must remember that a detour only slows me down, and does not need to change my destination. 

Thank you for all the emails of support.  They are appreciated more than you could ever know.  Looking back over the week, it is clear I lost my way because I simply forgot to keep the faith.

0 Comments — Leave your comment

January 27, 2010 | 8:05 pm

Editing vs. Censorship

Posted by Ilana Angel

I posted a couple of blogs this week that the Jewish Journal felt were not in line with their core values, so they determined it best to remove them.  My intention was never to compromise the integrity of The Jewish Journal and if that is what happened, then I am sorry. 

Here’s the thing, I write my opinion.  My blogs are based on my experiences and my take on things.  If I feel strongly about someone, or something, then I am going to write about it.  The Jewish Journal has allowed me the freedom to speak my mind, and for that I am very grateful.  At the end of the day, it is their site and they need to feel okay with my work.  That said, it is my work and I will defend it.

I am able to edit myself and welcome the edits and opinions of others.  There is a fine line however, between editing and censorship, and that line was blurred today.  I am going to be meeting with the Journal to determine what that line is, so we can come to a place where I feel I am able to speak freely, and they can feel comfortable with my blog being on their site.

It’s all good people.  I have a date tonight and I will keep detailed notes so I can share with you later. 

Thanks for reading and remember to Keep The Faith.

Ilana

0 Comments — Leave your comment

January 27, 2010 | 2:39 pm

Millionaire Matchmaker Must Be Cancelled [removed]

Posted by Ilana Angel

This article has been removed by JewishJournal.com.

1 Comments — Leave your comment

January 26, 2010 | 2:35 pm

The Bachelor Massacre

Posted by Ilana Angel

Last night was good.  Some of the girls are getting meaner and some are getting dumber.  The best part was that Jake finally went from just that guy, to a man.  He gathered up his cojones and delivered the massacre we have all been waiting for.

The show starts with the girls giving up the bachelorette pad for good.  They are going to cruise up the California coast in two RV’s.  They split up into groups and everyone is praying they don’t have to be with Vienna.  Poor Vienna.  She is my top choice at this point and truly the only real chick there.  Who knew?

The girls all hate her, but for some reason think Ali is the angel.  I got sucked into her too but the spell is broken.  She is mean, and if Jake picks her, he is in for a life of misery.  She went from being my top pick to being the one I want to have a humiliating departure.  Ugly, ugly girl.

They get to wine country and pull into a beautiful vineyard.  The girls will be sleeping in the RV’s and Jake has a tent set up.  Like I’m buying that he will sleep in a tent.  Whatever.  They are all together and joking and the claws are out for my BFF Vienna.

Tenley is appalled by Vienna being so affectionate with Jake.  Seriously, I need this little girl to go home.  I am over her “poor me, my heart was broken and I was a virgin” act.  She is an airhead, and I’m done with her.

First date of the trip is a one-on-one for Gia.  This girl is incredibly pretty.  That said, it would be impossible for her to be any dumber.  Her laugh, her voice, and her accent, all make me want to pull my ears off.  She gets on his Harley in stilettos and when she gets off the bike, she is worried about how her hair looks.  Please make it stop and send her home.

Jake asks what she was like when she was in school and for a moment I thought she would say she never went to school.  I don’t think it’s worth it to be that pretty if it comes with being that stupid.  They make out, he gives her a rose and she is in.  Blah. Blah. Blah.

When he kissed her she says it’s the best kiss of her entire life.  It was emotional for her and her heart stopped because she was caught in the moment.  She said it made her stop thinking for a minute.  Really?  I could not stop laughing at that comment.  This chick thinks?  Not happening.

It’s group date time and the gang is off for some dune buggy riding in Pismo Beach.  Vienna is part of the group and the girls start bagging on her right away.  They do some sand surfing and Jake is all about Tenley.  They have wine and dinner, then he has time alone with Corrie.

Who is Corrie?  She has been invisible for weeks. I just don’t get why she is still there.  I don’t remember her ever being there.  She brings nothing to the show.  She is safe and boring.  Maybe he likes her because she is white toast like he is.

The group goes to the Madonna Inn and they are all bouncing around like children.  I don’t get the giddiness part of their experience.  Is it because they are all so young?  They are all starting to bug me and the only one I like now is Vienna.  She is young but at least entertaining, not annoying.

Ashleigh has one-on-one time and it’s painful to watch.  He is clearly not into her and she just does not get it.  She says she is 25 but I think she is 35.  She is all over him and he is just blank and the awkwardness is fantastic.

It’s Ali’s turn.  She is beautiful, but a classic mean girl. She tells Jake she supports whatever decision he makes.  Really?  Liar.  If he picks Vienna she will not support it.  She will lose her mind.  Can’t wait.

Tenley says Jake’s lips are perfect and she is falling for him.  I feel sorry for her because of all the girls, she will have the most broken heart if it’s not her.  I don’t care enough however, for her to be the one.  She needs to go home and meet a nice young man at church.

Vienna is talking with Jake and he tells her he’s concerned by how much the other girls hate her.  He gives her the heads up to watch herself, and not start any trouble.  He doesn’t even kiss her.  I feel bad because I think he really likes her,  but is paying too much attention to what the other girls are saying.  Or maybe he is totally not into her, and the producers are making him keep her because she is the main reason we watch.

Ella and Kathryn are now on a two-on-one date.  Ella is totally taking over and Kathryn is left without an opportunity to speak.  She asks Jake what he is looking for, and he says something about wanting to see where a woman anchors her heart in faith and her family values.  He sounded a little Bush-esque and his face morphed into a piece of white toast.

He was never going to pick Ella.  He is never going to raise another man’s child.  It’s just not who he is.  I don’t think it makes him a bad person.  It’s not for everyone, and when he let’s her go, it is no surprise.  She is a pretty girl and she’ll be fine.  Bye, Bye Momma.

Jake is with Kathryn and it’s weird.  He tells her he is lost in her eyes.  She is clearly surprised.  Maybe it’s because it’s the first time he’s said more than two words to her since the show started.  She tells him he is ignoring her and her tone is enough to know that he is now going to dump her.  She is invisible and it was only a matter than time.  Bye, bye whatever your name is.

Jake gathers up his courage and sends both Ella and Kathryn home.  They feel blindsided.  I am proud of him for cutting them both loose and I respect him.  There is nothing more attractive than a man being a man.  He handled this well and I dug it.

We are down to seven and it’s the rose ceremony with one more girl about to go.  The remaining seven realize both girls have been eliminated and Tenley is crying and sad.  Really?  Come on Tenley.  This means you are one step closer.  Grow up and stop crying.  I want to hit her.

If Ali wears one more yellow dress I will have to turn the color off on my television.  Is she wearing the same dress every week, or does she only own yellow dresses?  I wonder if he picked her, and now that he is watching the show on television, sees who she really is and wants to shoot himself. 

Seven girls and six roses.  Gia and Tenley are in. Ali and Corrie are in.  With three women and two roses Jake decides he only needs one rose and he is going to send home two more girls.  It’s a blood bath and Chris Harrison is fantastic as he tells the girls what is happening.

We’re down to Ashleigh, Vienna and Jessie.  Our girl Vienna is the winner.  Jessie is sad but there is no way she could have thought for one minute she was staying.  Ashleigh, the old lady, is shocked that he chose Vienna over her.  Maybe he didn’t pick you because you are boring.  Tenley and Ali are fuming and bashing Vienna in whispers.

Ashleigh is bawling and cussing and leaves a snotty mess.  Classic.  Jake is taking the remaining five ladies to San Francisco and will dump one before he heads out to the hometown dates.  I am more interested in who he does not pick than who the final two are.  If Vienna leaves, it will be hard to stay in it. 

This is the first season where I did not have the perfect girl selected in my mind by this point.  I’m just not that invested in the women. Maybe it’s because they are all mediocre or perhaps it’s because I’m not that interested in Jake.

Of course I will watch it till the bitter end, but I’m hoping something juicy happens.  Maybe Ali and Vienna can get into a fight, Ali gets a black eye, then wears a yellow dress, looks like a bumblebee, Vienna thinks she’s a bug, and kills her. Whatever it is, I’m in.  As for the final five, the end is near ladies, so keep the faith. 

 

 

 

 

8 Comments — Leave your comment

January 25, 2010 | 4:05 pm

Jersey Shore on Match.com [removed]

Posted by Ilana Angel

This article has been removed by JewishJournal.com.

6 Comments — Leave your comment

January 24, 2010 | 6:22 pm

Jersey Shore Farewell

Posted by Ilana Angel

My guiltiest pleasure wrapped up this past week with the season finale of Jersey Shore on MTV.  I love these kids.  Honestly.  I love it that they say “honestly” every 20 seconds.  All of them use it like the “like” of a valley girl in the 80’s.  Honestly.

The finale starts up with Ronnie being held in jail for knocking out a guy on the boardwalk.  I love this kid.  He is huge, loveable and likes to fight.  Honestly.  Snookie calls the police station and says “I’m looking for Ronnie” and that was enough for the cop to tell her everything. 

It’s 3:30 in the morning and Ronnie can be picked up at 6:30.  He’s in jail for 3 hours and the only thing his girlfriend Sammi talks about, is how she has not slept alone all summer.  Ronnie is in jail with guidos and hookers, but Sammi has to sleep alone for 3 hours!

Ronnie bails himself out.  He calls the house and it rings forever before selfish Sammi realizes her boy might be calling.  From Prison!  She finally answers and goes to pick him up. 

Ronnie is embarrassed and his reaction to the entire situation is quite sad.  He is not remorseful he hit the kid, just upset he got caught.  He’s in bed with Sammi and instead of her comforting him, she is whining that she had to sleep alone for 2 seconds while he was in the joint.  He then apologizes to her.  This guy is whipped.  He needs to dump Sammi because she is too selfish to be with anyone but herself.

It is Labor Day weekend and the gang is trying to make sure they have the best weekend of the summer.  The Situation says he wants to spend it with someone special, but not sure who.  “Special” for him is someone he can be with for more than 10 minutes.  He starts calling around but can’t get a hold of anyone. 

He can’t get a date so he changes his plans telling the roomies they don’t need any outsiders.  They are going to chill and knock out the weekend together.  Does he not realize we just saw him frantically trying to score a date?  We’ve got a situation with The Situation.  He is not the sharpest tool in the shed.  He may however be the hardest.  I’m just saying.

JWoww is at work and she sees a bunch of “gorilla juice heads”.  These are body builders with steroid track marks.  She calls the house, wakes up Snookie, and tells her to come to the juice head buffet.  They are wondering around like Jews through the desert and finally give up when the juice heads cannot he found.  Now the entire group is together hanging on the beach. 

The Situation is picking up girls who are 16.  Best line is when the guys ask how old she is and he says he never asked.  He figures she is 10 years younger and Vinny says “10’ll get you 20”.  The situation dumps the jailbait and Snookie decides to go back to the house to call Keith, who she has been crushing on, because she wants to be his date and has not heard from him.

Keith blows off Snookie and she is about to lose her mind.  She starts cruising the boardwalk and it is hilarious.  She is now dancing on the boardwalk.  By herself.  When she realizes she has drawn a crowd, she thinks about putting her hat out for donations.  I love this chick.  She sees her ex, who she still loves, on the balcony of a bar.  She invites him to her house, tells him she misses him, and he blows her off.  She freaks out and walks home, talking to herself.

It’s the last night and the boys are heading home from their bonding time.  Sammi and Ronnie are out for a romantic dinner where they decide to stay together after their time on the Jersey Shore.  Snookie is home crying and feeling like a loser.

They are now all home.  It’s a bit anticlimactic really.  It was a wild summer, but it’s going out with a fizzle not a bang.  I’m waiting for something juicy to happen, but nothing. 

Snookie makes out with The Situation in the hot tub.  It’s exactly what happened the first day.  In the end he stops because she is like his little sister.  I like Mike in the end.  He’s a mensch who disguises himself as a guido, and that is oddly attractive.

The kids are all having a final dinner and reminiscing about the summer.  They are sad and saying goodbye and it ends with them saying they should all get a shore house together next year.  The came in big and left rather small.

UPDATE:  According to TMZ, MTV is bringing back Jersey Shore for a 2nd season.  They have offered the original 7 kids a $10k signing bonus and $5k an episode each.  They have turned it down!  MTV came back with a $10k per episode offer and they have yet to respond.  They are sticking together and insisting that they all get the same.  I love these kids.  Honestly!

Follow Keeping the Faith on Twitter @ilanaangel

0 Comments — Leave your comment