Posted by Ilana Angel
New Year’s Eve is a wonderful day. You can, for a short moment, lie to yourself and truly believe those lies. You can promise that you will try to fix what has been broken, experience new things, better yourself, mend fences and live in a delusional state until you burst your own bubble.
I like this magical 24 hours and have been blessed to be able to accomplish at least one of my resolutions every year. In 2009 the one I stuck with was to stop eating meat and I am very proud of the accomplishment.
For my final blog of 2009 I have decided to publicly list my Top 20 List of resolutions, in no particular order, hereby inviting you to share in both my triumphs and failures:
1) Stop throwing away my hard earned money on JDate.
2) Lose 40 pounds and gain back only 20 so I lose the 20 I wanted.
3) Exercise because I love it not because I have to.
4) Study Torah.
5) Meet a Jewish man to share my life with.
6) Be a better recycler.
7) Forgive myself for my bad choices.
8) Forgive others for their bad choices.
9) Buy lottery tickets so I actually have a chance to win.
10) Don’t date men who have hidden girlfriends.
11) Don’t get another cat.
12) Keep a focused, not smothering eye on my son as he starts high school.
13) Stop dropping my iPhone every day.
14) Come to terms with the fact that Andy is gay and will never marry me.
15) Beat my son at a Wii game. Just once will do. Any game. Just once.
16) See more of California.
17) Do more yoga.
18) Learn how to make sushi.
19) Stop dating losers.
20) Stop allowing the losers I date to make me feel like a loser.
There you have it my friends. A hefty list to be sure, but there will be at least one resolution I accomplish and I feel confident this may be the year I master more than one.
I have learned a lot about myself through writing this blog and I thank you very much for reading. I wish us all health and happiness in 2010. Allow yourself to dream big because every once and a while dreams come true.
The one thing I will always do, with no resolution required, is Keep The Faith.
Happy New Year.
5.24.13 at 7:07 am | Burning myself has shown me I am burning out.
5.23.13 at 3:17 pm | Dating, divorce, death, and marriage, all require. . .
5.22.13 at 6:34 am | I am forever touched by this young man.
5.19.13 at 5:43 pm | JDate should be more of a mensch.
5.17.13 at 5:27 pm | I am never going on another coffee date.
5.14.13 at 4:36 pm | Love needs a kick in the ass.
5.17.13 at 5:27 pm | I am never going on another coffee date. (397)
5.14.13 at 4:36 pm | Love needs a kick in the ass. (349)
5.19.13 at 5:43 pm | JDate should be more of a mensch. (343)
December 30, 2009 | 3:51 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I moved to the States in 1991 and my first girlfriend here was Jel. I had friends through my family or my husband, but she was the first person I met on my own and we became fast friends. We met at work and for the past 18 years she has been someone who always shares her honest opinion, no holds barred.
Over the years we have gone through times where we talked 20 times a day and others when life got busy and we went long periods without contact. We know each other really, really well and are both able to read what is going on with the other and no matter how much time passes, when we talk, it’s like two puzzle pieces coming together and everything snaps into place perfectly.
When we met, Jel had a very young daughter, was going through a divorce and I had been married for 3 weeks. We’ve been through marriages, divorces, the loss of our fathers, pregnancy, prosperity and penny pinching together. We have an unbreakable bond and will be friends until we are old and gray and one could argue that we are already old and gray.
For two people who are so close, we could not be more different. I am a hopeless romantic who believes in fairytale endings and Jel is the complete opposite. We hung out yesterday for coffee and shopping and got to talking about men and relationships and I could not stop laughing at her take on love. I pulled out my phone and start recording her because I didn’t want to miss a thing.
Here are some quotes from my afternoon with Jel:
1) A man can be a great friend, a great father or a great lover but it’s rare to find one man who can be all three.
2) At this stage in your life Ilana, you should stop looking for a husband and focus on finding a great lover.
3) I would like to have a great love life with someone who does not want to spend the night because I like to sleep alone and enjoy my solitude.
4) It is an unrealistic expectation, for both men and women, to think that one person can be everything you need.
5) If you want to talk about your day, call a girlfriend and do not bore the man in your life. He does not care.
6) If you want to have great sex, don’t share all the crap about your day because it will be better sex if he is focused on only you, not every detail of your life.
The most fascinating part of my day with Jel is that it took me 18 years to figure out she has a man’s brain. It’s a medical miracle and I think she should go on Oprah. She is a woman who lives her life thinking like a man and if I were man, I would be all over her. How rare to have all that messed up love perspective in the body of a smoking hot chick.
I love my friend Jel and so I will go out today and buy her a Josh Groban CD, a Harlequin romance and The Notebook on DVD. It should only take me another 18 years to train her brain to come to a woman’s side of romance. I know I can break her! All I need to do is keep the faith.
December 29, 2009 | 2:16 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
When did people stop being decent to one another while dating? I was thinking about when I started dating, before the Internet, people were decent while trying to meet someone but the fact is people were not really decent then either. If we want to look at dating practices as decent, we need to go back to the 1950’s or earlier.
People talk about there being “rules” when it comes to dating but I think the problem here is that there are too many rules and it’s screwing everything up. I’ve read books and seen old movies where women were actually courted and men were held in high esteem. I wish that would come back in fashion.
Somewhere along the way men stopped respecting women and women started taking advantage of men. I’m not talking about the entire human population so save your hate mail. I’m just saying that both sides slacked off and stopped trying to be decent.
I know really fabulous women who have been alone for a long time because they just can’t be bothered with dating and really great men who are with women who just don’t make any sense because they can’t be bothered working for something great when something good enough can be easily found.
I bet the 1960’s were a good time to date. There were fewer hang ups and an ability to be free with opinions and sexuality. Now women over think and over analyze everything. If we have sex too soon we’re sluts and if we don’t have sex right away we’re prudes.
Men seem to think that women don’t know what the difference is between 5’4” and 5’11” and believe being separated and divorced are the same thing. Women are consumed with fear about having sex and worried about what men think about them.
If we all just relaxed things would happen organically. Dating in our 40’s is a whole new ballgame. We’re divorced with children so nobody is thinking we are virgins and those games need to stop. We all need to stop lying, believe in ourselves, and not be so scared.
It’s the time of year when we make resolutions for the New Year and mine will be to be decent. Not just in how I date, but in general. Being nice takes no real effort and when you are kind, decency tags along for free.
Men will always lie and women will always play games but we can at least try to be decent. All you are required to do is make an honest effort and keep the faith.
December 28, 2009 | 2:17 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Dating is hard and in LA there are elements that I think may be harder than in other cities, but overall, regardless of where you live, it’s hard. For some reason however, I always thought it would be easier at home in Canada. I have long believed that if I still lived in Canada I would be re-married by now to a “regular” guy.
I love Canada and have hung on to a trace of an accent even though I’ve been in the States for almost 20 years. I love Canadian men. Granted the majority of my dating life has been spent in Los Angeles, I like Canadian men and when I come across one here, it makes me happy. There is something authentic about being a Canadian.
Last night I reconnected with my friend Cheryl from high school in Toronto. I found her on Facebook, sent her a message and within 5 minutes we were on the phone and talked forever. It was as if I had just been with her for dinner and time stood still and we were teenagers again.
She is a hilarious and straightforward girl and I love her. We have great memories together and it’s a joy to have her back in my life. I moved away, got married, had a baby, got divorced and life happened. We lost touch for no real reason.
We caught up on each other’s lives and got to talking about dating. She’s not been married, YET, but is dating, having ended a relationship a while back. I mentioned to her that I thought dating must be easier in Toronto because Canadian men are so great.
We are the same age and date the same type of men and so I was waiting to hear about how great her dating life is and well, not so much. She met a guy recently who was lovely. They went out for coffee and it was great. They hung out for a long time and had a wonderful kiss tonight.
He calls the next day and asks her to a movie and she is excited because this is just how it should be. No games. You meet, there’s a connection, you go out again. She gets to the theater and he has selected a foriegn art film with subtitles. Interesting selection.
They get up to the cashier and he orders one ticket. Fine. She buys her own ticket and they go in. They get seats and once settled in, he pulls a soda can out of his pocket and gives it to her, then cracks one open for himself, and the movie starts.
The movie is impossible to follow and of no interest to Cheryl but she sticks it out. After the movie he notices that she did not drink her soda so he took it and put it back in his pocket. He walks her to the car, another great kiss and then nothing. She does not hear from him again.
Really? I get that movies are expensive and dating can be costly for men but this was just weird. I’d rather a man say he’s tight on cash and ask me to go dutch than just surprise me. What if she didn’t have any money with her?
I will never understand how dating works and why men do what they do and say what they say. This whole time I kept telling myself my nightmare dates were because I was in Los Angeles but the truth is that dating is dating no matter where you are.
Men are men, Canadian or not, and maybe at 43 I am finally ready to stop trying to figure them out and just hope that I meet one that is a little more evolved than the rest. He does not need to be from Canada as long as he knows where it is.
I love my friend Cheryl and am so happy to have found her after all this time. I look forward to seeing her again and creating new memories. It was worth it to have my “Canadian Dream Man” bubble shattered, in order to have her back.
I hope she meets someone wonderful to share her life with and whoever that man is, he will be very lucky. We are both single and searching and I look forward to sharing our dating experiences together and having a front row seat to dating in Canada.
At the end of the day, no matter where you live, when it comes to dealing with men, women need cross their fingers, hope for the best, always have cash and remember to keep the faith.
December 25, 2009 | 2:23 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
So last night was Christmas Eve and while I was tempted to stay in and watch It’s A Wonderful Life, I went out with my girlfriends Paige and Monica to the Commerce Casino for an evening of poker.
I have never been to a Casino in Los Angeles and so I thought it was going to be like walking into a little piece of Las Vegas. When we got there it was indeed exactly like Las Vegas and by exactly of course I mean it was like an episode of COPS - Las Vegas.
It reminded me of what it must be like on visiting day at Pelican Bay. There were about 500 people, who under different circumstances would really frighten me, and then us, three Jewish Charlie’s Angels. If I hadn’t been so fascinated I would of burst into tears, peed my pants in fear and begged that we go home without even sitting at a table.
Paige sat with a man who had no teeth, another who was missing 4 fingers, one who was clearly intoxicated, an old lady who was sleeping at her seat, and a lovely gentleman who got pissed off with each hand he lost and threw the cards down with disgust for everyone at his table.
Monica and I were at a table with a lady who said she plays for 17 hours in a row and appeared to have head lice, one who was missing a large chunk of her nose, a crystal meth addict, another drunk and a man who kept saying Mazel Tov to the winner of each hand.
It was crazy and while I can say that I will not be doing that again soon, the truth is I can’t wait to go back. We played for about 4 hours and it flew by. I didn’t win any money and neither did Monica but Paige came ahead a few bucks.
It was a fun night so thanks to the girls for the adventure. To those of you who celebrate Christmas I wish you a lovely day. I will partake in the ancient Jewish tradition of an afternoon of movies and a scrumptious dinner of Chinese food.
Last night I learned when to hold them and when to fold them. Poker is very entertaining as long as you can block out who are playing at your table and remember to keep the faith.
December 24, 2009 | 2:11 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I love my kid. I actually love all kids and if circumstances had been different I would have had many more. Dating after my divorce was hard because I didn’t know if I could trust people to meet my kid and in the end he did not meet anyone I was dating until he was much older and even then he was only introduced to men I was in a relationship with, not just dating. He has met 3 men in the past 13 years and it has worked out well for us.
I have dated men with kids and without. I’ve had men tell me they do not date women with children and others who are gung ho and want to meet my kid right away. As my son got older he became a part of my last 2 relationships and when they ended he had a lot to say. It was interesting to get his perspective and I was amazed by how much he gets me. He found pros and cons in both my boyfriends and has let me know that he now wants to meet who I date because he feels he can see things that maybe I don’t.
I struggle with introducing my son to men I date and he is almost 14. I can’t imagine how hard it will be for Jon and Kate who have 8 young children! I watched their show and loved it because the kids were darling and watching them navigate lives with so many children was fascinating.
In the early shows I though Kate was crazy. She was mean and controlling in terms of Jon and I felt sorry for him sometimes and thought she needed to cut him some slack. Then later, when they started to fall apart, I thought he was the crazy one and she looked like this amazing and strong mother who put her kids above everything else. I’m sure you could get 100 people in a room to watch the show and you would get 100 different opinions.
In the end there are now 2 single people who are dating with 8 kids and that has got to be brutal. They are young parents and I wonder how you move on from there. Granted anyone who has stood in line at the grocery store knows who they are, but how do you say to someone, I really like you and by the way I have 8 kids.
I’ve been out on a couple of dates with a guy who has young children. He is great and I’m sure his kids are fabulous but is that something I want to do? Hypothetically, if we fell in love and decided to be together, do I want to fill out college applications for my kid and have 3 others that are in elementary school? I just don’t know if I want to help raise another woman’s children and I’m sure part of it is because I have a horrible relationship with the wife of my son’s dad.
In the end I don’t think I will pursue a relationship with a man who has young children. It’s a choice that may change, but for now it’s how things are working out for me. I wish Jon and Kate and their 8 all the best as they enter into the divorced world because it’s tough.
I am blessed to be the mother to my delicious child and if I am lucky enough to meet a man to share my life who has kids, I will be honored to have those children in my life. Dating with kids is challenging and rewarding and all we can do in the end is trust both ourselves and our kids, have a good sense of humor and keep the faith.
December 23, 2009 | 2:11 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
My son has a Nintendo Wii and all the things you can play on it amaze me. You can play sports, exercise, race cars and spend time with the classic Mario Bros. With all these games and activities available, I would like to submit to Nintendo that they create a dating game for the Wii and can call it Stud / Dud for Wii.
I had a date last night with a classic Stud/Dud. He was very handsome, a total stud but he had nothing to say and was a total dud. I’m a very social person and I like to think I can talk to anyone and have a conversation under the toughest of situations but last night I was stuck. I just could not get a dialogue going with this guy and it was painful.
It would be so great if Nintendo could develop a game that can put you in any dating scenario possible so you can practice. An interactive crash course so you can be prepared for anything. I’m sure there are hundreds of scenarios that could be played out. Here is a list of my last ten dates to get them started:
- Man who is great to look at but has nothing to say
- Man who has lied about his age by about 20 years
- Man who does not know how tall he is
- Man who has a serious drinking problem
- Man who can’t remember if his divorce is final
- Man who forgot to mention he lives with the ex
- Man who is rude and obnoxious to the wait staff
- Man who insists he is a non smoker and smells like a tobacco farm
- Man who wants to schedule when to have sex on a first date
- Man you are totally into but he is not into you
I really think it would be a great game. It could also be sold as an educational tool. Ladies who date would buy it, men who torture the women they date would buy it and married couples would buy it so they can watch it when fighting, thank God they are not single, then kiss and make up.
You’re welcome Nintendo. The idea is all yours so run with it. I will be waiting to get the prototype and look forward to getting it as a gift next Chanukah. God willing I will be watching it with my husband, not as practice. I will cross my fingers and keep the faith.
December 22, 2009 | 12:48 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I love Susan Boyle. I love her story, her voice and her album. I love it all. I think she is inspiring and beautiful and tragic and a fairytale come true. I want to sit with her for a cup of tea, chat and be pals. I think she is really lovely and I can’t imagine what this journey must be like for her. I hope she is happy and ok and has people around her that she can trust.
I struggle with dating. Will the men I like me back? Will the ones who like me just not do it for me? Can I trust myself that I can pick the right man to share my life? For the most part I date happily because I know with each date I get closer to finding what I am looking for, but there are days when I am so scared and nervous that I cannot bare the thought of going out with yet another stranger hopping to find love.
I wonder what that feeling of fear must be like Susan Boyle. In so many ways her new career is a blessing. She entered the competition so we know she loves to sing but at the same time would she have done it if she knew that this would be her life now? Is she scared? Does she look forward to her new adventures or does she wish she had stayed in her quiet life?
I am supposed to go on a date tonight and I just don’t think I have it in me. The thought of getting dolled up and going out to meet someone I do not know seems just a little much to handle today. It’s rare that I’m not able to muster up the energy to give it a shot but for some reason today is hard. I’m not sure what it is exactly and so all I can figure is that I’m scared and that’s what got me thinking about Susan. Regardless of how much experience you have, are all women scared before a date?
I’m hoping I snap out of but if I don’t that will be okay too. Everything happens for a reason and so I’ll let it run it’s course and be what it’s going to be. Maybe the whole dating process would be easier if we didn’t have to do it on our own, one on one. One could argue that it’s high school to want to go out in a group but maybe that’s the answer.
I’m not talking about going out to a bar with a group of girlfriends but rather going out to a singles event where you are in a group of people who are all there for the same reason. Would that ease nerves? Could knowing I am not doing this alone be the thing I need to be able to date happily?
There is a new Singles/Networking event being planned for Los Angeles. It is being organized by a couple of great ladies and they approached me to be a part of it. We met last night for drinks and dinner to discuss my participation and I must tell you that I’m really excited and I think it’s going to be great.
I will keep you all updated as things get worked out and I hope you will come. It will be my first big “group date” and I think it will be wonderful. We met last night at Café Was in Hollywood. The food was phenomenal, the ambience was fabulous and the waiter, which to me is key, was divine. It’s a great spot for a date so check them out at www.cafewas.com.
I wish all good things to Susan Boyle. She has touched my heart and I am pulling for her. No matter how experienced you are, life can be scary. I will focus on getting myself together so I can enjoy this evening with a man whom I am sure will be lovely. Perhaps all I need to do is take a deep breath, pull out the perfect little black dress and keep the faith