September 30, 2009 | 12:14 pm

Blame Canada

Posted by Ilana Angel

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I officially blew my goal of being a kinder, gentler person yesterday and only one day after my atonement!  In trying to justify my actions I have decided to just blame Canada.  As a Canadian I feel that the country will cut me some slack and take one for the team. 

I have been Vice President of the Booster Club at my son’s school since last year.  I love the school and I love the women that I work with.  This year however there is a new mom that has been helping and I have decided that she should walk around school with a sash that says “Queen of Crazy Town”.

At a meeting yesterday she finally climbed up on my last nerve and I could not control myself and told her that I thought she was insane.  Not my proudest moment as a school volunteer but I must say it was a long time coming and it felt great to tell her to her face what I thought of her.

After my outburst I felt so inspired that I quit as the VP and I cannot begin to tell you how liberating it was.  When I signed up to help it was out of a desire to be connected to my son and what happens at his school since he is older and the opportunities to participate at Junior High gets smaller for parents.

I did not realize that by volunteering at this level I would somehow be transformed back to Junior High myself and caught up in the politics and drama that is normally reserved for teenage girls.  I was so put off by this woman that I almost went into the bathroom yesterday to write about her on the wall.

I am going to make a note to myself to put this on the top of my list for next year’s atonement.  The good news is that I have an entire year to decide what it is that I am atoning for.  I could be sorry for my outburst or I could be sorry for not having the guts to write about her in the bathroom.  It could go either way. 

At the end of the day I am thrilled to not have to work with her and best of all now I can volunteer when I want and for what I want because I am not obligated which feels more organic.  I’m not going to stop helping I’m just going to stop working in crazy town.

This woman really tested my ability to do the right thing and be a grownup and by being a grownup I mean controlling myself from kicking her a**.  I feel blessed to be Canadian and lucky that my motherland can take the blame for my quick trip into the land of the loons.  Canada is famous for it’s loons, they are even on our money so I know I have my countries support.

Sometimes keeping the faith is about not only believing in a higher power but also about believing in ourselves.  Yesterday, in leaning on God I was able to believe in me and that is what faith is all about.  I am going to avoid the loon and use the extra time I will now have on keeping the faith.

September 29, 2009 | 10:35 am

The good old days

Posted by Ilana Angel

I had a good holiday.  By good I mean exhausting and by exhausting I mean that I cannot believe the New Year has begun and already there is so much going on.

This past year was an interesting one for me and I really spent a lot of time over the holidays reflecting on all the different aspects of my life.

At the end of the day I know my life is blessed and I am grateful to have a wonderful son and family, fantastic friends and a Temple that I am inspired and embraced by.

Even though I am happy and healthy I can’t help but wonder if this is it.  Am I currently living in what will one day be the “good old days”?

I’m not feeling sorry for myself.  I’m not bitter or angry or unsatisfied.  I am aware of the fact that I have a great life and I appreciate it, but even with all my blessings, is it okay if I want more?

I want to have peace in my life.  I want to be heard.  I want to be in love.  I want my son to be safe and happy and not tempted by bad things that are tempting when you are a teenager.

I seek the courage to connect to people I have let go of and I seek the strength to walk away from those who are ultimately not good for me.

I pray I will not be so scared that I stop trying.  I pray I will not be so nervous that I lose my truth.  I pray I will not be so tired that I can’t pay attention.

I hope we all have a great year.  I hope that people will be kind.  I hope prayers are answered.  I hope blessings are bestowed.  I hope Mike Fleiss calls. 

Regardless of what your beliefs are, keep them close.  Whether you are experiencing joy and laughter or tears and sorrow, appreciate what you have, aspire for more and keep the faith. 

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September 27, 2009 | 12:02 pm

Only in Los Angeles

Posted by Ilana Angel

So my friend Ethel and her husband Fred are at the chiropractor on Saturday morning getting adjusted.  If you recall, Ethel is my best friend and I introduced her to Fred at a Hanukkah party where it was love at first sight.  By first sight of course I mean when she shoved her tuchas in his face to have him check if there was cream cheese on it he could not resist her charms.

They go into the office and how it works is there are three chairs in the room and three people all get worked on at the same time by the “Doctor” and his staff.  By “Doctor” of course I mean chiropractor but I never really got the idea of going to a chiropractor.  I’m blessed to have a healthy back so I’ve never had the need but still just the thought of getting “adjusted” and hearing things crack is not appealing to me and by not appealing of course I mean never going to happen.

Back to the visit, Fred and Ethel are in the room getting worked on and to give you a visual, Fred is sitting in the chair with his shirt off, hunched over looking rather vulnerable and Ethel is lost is the symphony of her cracking.  Then the third patient walks in, sits down and looks over to check out who is there with him and who do you think it is?  It’s Ethel’s first husband “Desi”!

Now Desi and Fred have never met.  There had been talk about it over the years because Desi and Ethel remain friends but for whatever reason it never happened.  So here is poor Fred, half naked meeting Desi who is now also half naked while poor Ethel sits between them wanting to kill herself.  She makes introductions and they make small talk while the woman working on Fred leans over and whispers to him ,“Don’t worry you’re taller and have much more hair.”

Only in Los Angeles can you go to the chiropractor and sit between your two husbands.  I love this town and I love Fred and Ethel and I love that while I am blogging about this today, I will talk about it forever. 

I wish you all an easy and meaningful fast.  May the coming year bring us all joy and peace and may we all be inscribed in the book of life.  Roll with the punches, be grateful for what you have, release your breath while being adjusted and remember that the easiest thing you can do for yourself is keep the faith.

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September 26, 2009 | 12:59 pm

Week in Review

Posted by Ilana Angel

1.  I got the most beautiful golden tinted tan yesterday but the unfortunate part is that I never left my apartment and the tan was achieved while sitting on my couch listening to the A/C unit tell me to go &*$@ myself.

2.  I have officially crossed the line into obsession with my Facebook Farm and will be going off to FB rehab for a few days and by a few days I mean as soon as I am done blogging I need to harvest my eggplants.

3.  I am taking my son to see KISS at the Staples Center and even though I will be wearing ear plugs, a t-shirt I bought at their concert 20 years ago and have a taser gun and bi-focals in my purse, I still feel pretty cool.

4.  If you have a great date and he waits 2 weeks to call and then when he does he acts like he just spoke to you yesterday then you should not go out again because 2 weeks is ridiculous and he would have called earlier if he dug you right?

5.  If you were once in love with someone will you always be in love with them or can you just love them without being in love because the reasons you loved them in the first place are still there so can love conquer love in the end?

6.  Prince Not-So-Charming never called but continues to look at my profile on JDate and it’s actually creeping me out so I blocked him from being able to see me and I’m thrilled to have only 4 days left on my subscription.

7.  I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that Mike Fleiss has not called me but I understand that he is a mogul and very busy so I’m going to cut him some slack and give him 3 more days to call.  7 weeks and 3 days.  That’s it Mike Fleiss!

8.  The cat has decided she only needs 20 minutes of sleep and is going to take it in the afternoon and then she is going to spend her time playing with toys, hacking up fur balls and finding ways to get comfortable sitting on my head. 

9.  I am going to partner with my friend Laurel to be each others wing men and we are going to start scoping out men by hanging at the post office, Whole Foods, car washes, Home Depot and the tool department at Sears.

10.  My mother’s been here for 4 days and her favorite topics of conversation are my delicious son, my having a baby, JDate, the African heat, Chinese food, the cat, my getting married again, my too fast driving and the color of my hair. 

Shabbat Shalom.  Have a peaceful day and always keep the faith.

 

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September 25, 2009 | 10:21 am

Enough already

Posted by Ilana Angel

I’m done and have seriously had enough.  I never thought the day would come when I would admit this publically but here we go my friends…..I AM SO OVER THE VALLEY.

I’m sure part of it is because I am Canadian and there is just something unusual about it being over 100 degrees in September.  There is nothing attractive about sweat.  Well sometimes there is, but not when you’re walking from the house to the car.  How do you look cute when you’re melting? 

The Fall is a time for tight jeans, warm sweaters and fabulous boots. Not flip flops, sleeveless shirts and shorts.  I bet it’s cooler in Africa than it is in Sherman Oaks.  I want to move to Kenya just to get some cooler temperatures.

For those of you not from Los Angeles there is a rivalry between the people of “the valley” and those from “over the hill”.  They are west side snobs.  I have staunchly defended my beloved valley from the bashers who live on the west side.  They can talk about their ocean and cool breezes all they want and it does not faze me.

I live in a wonderful neighborhood, close to everything I need, great schools for my son and the beach is totally accessible at just 20 minutes away. Of course by 20 minutes I mean with no traffic which means I would need to drive to the beach at 2 am but still, it can be done in 20 minutes and that is my point.

I simply cannot stand another day of 100 degree temperatures.  It’s wrong.  I want to put on a sweater, get a Starbucks and look super cute in my jeans and boots.  Because of this heat I am officially on a dating hiatus.  No one should have to spend time getting cute only to melt while walking to the car.  It’s just not right.

I have three meetings today, all in the valley.  The valley is literally hell on earth these days and whenever I walk past the control of my central air unit I swear I can hear it mumbling that it hates me.  I am certain it is going to boycott at any moment.

As soon as it cools down I will deny that I wrote this blog.  I will say my bashing of the glorious valley was brought on by heat stroke and I could not control myself.

Enough with the heat already!  All I can do is stay strong, whisper sweet nothings to my air conditioner, pray nothing happens to it and keep the faith.

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September 24, 2009 | 12:00 pm

The Bold and Beautiful

Posted by Ilana Angel

Have you ever been in line somewhere and you see someone who catches your eye and when you take a moment to actually look they are looking back at you and there is electricity?

That happened to my friend Laurel yesterday and instead of acting on it she let it slip by. Even though she wanted to say hello and part of her thought he would, in the end neither of them did and now she is kicking herself for not being brave. 

How is it that when we are searching for love we get so busy with the looking that we fail to see?  Why can’t we be brave when it comes to chemistry and fate?

Laurel saw this beautiful man in line at the post office and they locked eyes and something was there.  They both smiled and she went on with what she was doing thinking it was just a quick thing but when she looked up he was still staring at her and for the 10 minutes she spent in line she could feel him watching her.

Normally we would not think twice about it but Laurel has a couple of friends, Heather and Glen, who had a similar experience.  When they saw each other they both felt an instant something but Glen did nothing so Heather gave him her card, he emailed, they chatted and are together today with a ring in Heather’s future.

There is something that is very beautiful about being bold.  It is sexy and strong and when a man is bold about reaching out to a woman it is fantastic.  It actually happens a lot, just not with the men you would expect.

Why is it that the men we are not attracted to have no problem approaching us and asking for numbers or a date but the ones who we are attracted to let us slip by?  Why are the “you’re brave but it’s never going to happen” men more common than the “you’re beautiful so be bold and ask for my number” men?

If I see someone and he sees me and there is an unexplainable thing happening, I’m going over to say hi.  I’ve been bold and brave and it always pays off and when I’m cowardly and not strong I always regret it.

Sometimes you need to just jump in and worry about the temperature of the water later.  We never know why someone comes into our life and maybe a chance encounter at the post office is a sign that should not be overlooked.

So if you were at the Pasadena post office yesterday and made googoo eyes at my friend Laurel then get in touch and I will introduce you.  She is a wonderful and beautiful girl and you blew it but we are going to give you a second chance because so did she.

We see people all around us every day.  Every time you step outside your front door, or as a matter of fact every time you answer your front door, there may be a chance to find love. (I’ve got a story about a water delivery guy I will perhaps share later.)

Searching won’t matter if we don’t see what we are looking at so open your eyes, pay attention, be bold, remember you are beautiful and keep the faith.

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September 23, 2009 | 10:56 am

Toys vs. Companionship

Posted by Ilana Angel

Is it better to play with a toy all night or have another body next to you to keep you company?  This is a topic I struggle with daily.  I will wait here for a moment while you all get your minds out of the gutter so you can finish reading my blog.

I’m still waiting.

My son got a cat for his 13th birthday.  He had wanted one forever so when his Bar Mitzvah came we decided it was time.  He researched shelters and rescues and located the cat he wanted online.  I was really proud of him and his cat is now a member of our family.

I really love her.  She is very sweet and entertaining.  She follows me around and when we are sitting on the couch I look down at her she will mumble something as if I can understand her.  I freaking love this cat.

I am going to pause here for a moment to come to terms with the fact that I am in the beginning stages of becoming a crazy cat lady.  Give me just a minute.

Wait here.

So the thing with the cat is that she likes to play with her cat toys.  Little stuffed mice, balls with bells and worm shaped crinkly things.  They all make noise and she simply loves them.  The problem is that she only likes to play with them at night and it’s annoying.

She is bored when we are sleeping and needs some type of stimulation.  The question becomes do I get her some new toys that don’t make noise or do I cave and get her a companion?

Do I put the needs of my cat above my own fears of becoming a cat lady?  One cat is cute, two cats is questionable, three cats is the beginning of the end, four cats and I’m waiting for my kid to visit me while I order my own toys online.

I think we’ll be getting another cat.  I will tell people one is mine and one is my son’s to try to make myself feel better.  At the end of the day I enjoy this cat and I will enjoy her new little buddy and they give my child happiness and that is what’s important.

As for me being one step closer to being a crazy, single cat lady, I will worry about that after I change the kitty litter.  On this one I’m going to have to reach out to all of you for help and ask that when it comes to our impending adoption, you all keep the faith.

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September 22, 2009 | 11:38 am

More to love?

Posted by Ilana Angel

I am a huge fan of the show More to Love.  I felt strongly that Luke should pick ANYONE but Malissa and I was happy it was Tali.  At long last love has been found on reality television.

I feel these two are keepers and will get married and yes I admit that it is pathetic and sad that I actually think people go on reality shows to find love and his proposal was from the heart not his attempt to secure 15 minutes of fame.

This morning it occurred to me that I have not seen Luke and Tali on any talk shows, news shows, entertainment shows, nothing.  If you Google them all the finale stuff comes up but no update about where they are.  Seems a little strange to me and makes me wonder if the unthinkable could have happened. 

Is it possible that this couple, who met on a televised reality show, fell in love and got engaged after 5 minutes, have actually broken up?

Are me, Trista and Ryan the only people who believe this can work?  If Luke and Tali are still together and off somewhere planning a wedding then someone should let us know because I want proof.  Where are they?  I want to know that the time I spent investing in these people was not wasted. 

I’m going to keep watching these shows until I find another Trista and Ryan.  I want a reality show happy ending and am disappointed that this might not have been it.  I love reality television and I think it can work.  I also think JDate can work so clearly I have no real sense of what reality is.

To Luke and Tali I am sure you are off somewhere planning your wedding and living happily ever after as you run through meadows with butterflies and take a unicorn ride through a rainbow so send me a picture.  Do an interview. Do something. Do anything.  Just show you are together.

Finding love on a reality show could happen.  All it takes is a healthy dose of delusion and the ability to keep the faith.

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