February 8, 2012 | 8:49 am

I Don’t Believe in Gay Marriage

Posted by Ilana Angel

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To say that one supports gay marriage implies that gay marriage is somehow different from traditional marriage.  It’s not.  I think all people deserve the right to marry whether they are gay or straight.  If people are going to insist on differentiating gay marriage from traditional marriage, then let’s determine exactly what is different.

If I look at the marriages of my friends, then I hope to have a gay marriage myself one day.  My gay married friends are happy, caring, supportive and sexual couples.  My traditionally married friends are stressed, angry, bored, and not at all sexual.  Instead of banning gay marriage, we should be trying to figure out how all marriages can be so good.

I’m not saying that all gay marriages are fabulous, I’m just saying that in my own experience, the gay marriages that I see first hand are the ones that I hope to have for myself one day.  Marriage is a great thing and labeling marriage as gay is ridiculous.  We are human beings, and while I am not gay, I will fight for the equality of marriage for all.

This week in California, Prop 8, which calls for a ban on gay marriage, was ruled unconstitutional.  It’s a great thing, but how many baby steps will be required before people see that marriage is not about gender?  Just as racial segregation, women’s suffrage, and religious persecution are wrong, so is a ban on gay marriage.  We are human first.

For a country with so many problems to be focusing so much of our governments time and money on gay marriage is baffling.  There are children starving in America.  There are people losing their jobs, homes, and hope in America. Will any of their lives be made better by spending money on trying to stop same sex couple from getting married?  Not at all.

I believe in marriage.  I also believe in humanity.  This ruling is important beyond gay rights.  It is important because it is a step towards equality for the gay community and also towards our being a decent and fair society. Black, white, gay, straight, Jewish or gentile, we are human first and marriage is a blessing we all deserve to experience.

This ruling against Prop 8 is a victory.  It’s just the beginning of course, and there will be lots of appeals and additional rulings, but the good news is that this moment, right now, is spectacular because people were decent.  Humanity won with this ruling and that matters.  If we can unite on this day, then we can unite again, which means the world gets better.

I don’t believe in gay marriage.  I do believe that finding love is near impossible, and making a vow before friends, family and God, saying you are going to love a person unconditionally and build a life together, is a difficult love to find, so God bless anyone who can find it.  Their sexual orientation does not matter.  I believe in marriage, and am keeping the faith.

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February 5, 2012 | 1:12 am

Meet Linda – This is What Cancer Looks Like

Posted by Ilana Angel

It took just three days for the Susan G. Komen Foundation to change their minds about funding Planned Parenthood.  There have been countless stories written about both their decision, and then their change of heart.

I’m sure their hearts had nothing to do with either decision.  I have been thinking about this story for days and was planning to write about it this weekend.  Then I met Linda through her video.

I love this woman.  Linda, you are a hero to me and millions of other women.  I am keeping you and your family in my prayers.  Thank you for having the courage, and the balls, to share your story in such a powerful way. 

There is nothing I could write that would be as important as what this remarkable woman has to say.  Thanks to MOVEON.ORG introducing us to Linda.  She is brave, beautiful, blessed and keeping the faith.

WWW.MOVEON.ORG

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February 3, 2012 | 11:16 am

Why Do I Date Online?

Posted by Ilana Angel

I often get asked why I date online.  It’s a good question to which there is no answer.  Well there are answers of course, but they are all lies.  “It’s easy.”  No it’s not.  “It’s fun”. No it’s not.  “It can work”.  No it can’t. Online dating is the equivalent to being on The Bachelor.  You hope love will be found, but you know there is not a shot in hell it will.

So why keep doing it?  If you want the honest truth, there are simply not a lot of other options.  I am not going to a bar to hang out, and chances are I would not have a lot in common with someone who hangs out at a bar. I’m 45 years old and the bar in my home is much more enjoyable.  Dating is harder when you are in your forties.

When you’re young, anything goes in terms of where you can meet men, and young men are great at picking up women.  I loved dating when I was young. Men were creative and funny.  They enjoyed a challenge and were thoughtful with their pick up lines.  Men who are interested in me now simply do not have the charm of a younger man.  Unless of course they are younger.

I get asked out a lot by younger men online.  Maybe it’s because I have a desperate cougar look, or maybe it’s because they read my blogs and know I am super cool, but it’s not going to happen. I’m not attracted to younger men.  Just not my thing.  I often wish it was because I’ve heard some great things about these young kids, but in the end I can’t do it.

I have mastered being a woman.  I am open and aware and ready, yet there is nobody to share this great achievement with. I have no hang ups, no insecurities, no guilt.  I can swing from the rafters, but I’m swinging alone which is a shame.  Actually, it is often quite fabulous but that’s another blog.  I am watching my best self get older and less likely to find him.

I want to tell you about 3 specific men that wrote to me online this week.  One was older.  By older of course I mean he was in his mid sixties, although his picture would lead me to believe he shaved a couple or ten years off.  We had nothing in common according to our profiles other than the fact that we were both Jewish.  That’s important to me, but not enough to date him.

He had loose looking skin and I know you know what I mean.  The kind of skin that has separated from the inside and is simply a vessel to contain what’s in his body.  I am in my sexual prime and that’s not going to cut it for me.  He wrote me the following email as an introduction: “You look a lot like my daughter.  You’re very sexy. I like your look.  Care to chat? “

His loose skin was enough of a turn off but just to ensure he grosses me out completely, he tells me I look like his kid and am sexy.  Never going to happen.  Gentleman number two is 36 years old.  I am turning 46 in a few weeks so that’s not happening.  Here is part what he wrote me as an introduction: “I can only see your face in your picture but I’m guessing you have terrific t**s”.

Remember what I said about younger men knowing how to pick up women?  I take it all back.  Never going to happen.  The third man is 53 and separated.  This is what he wrote me as an introduction: “I am just looking around and wanted to say hello because you caught my eye.  I will be separated in a couple of weeks and would like to get in touch then if it’s okay.”

I think he is on the wrong website and needs to pop over to Ashley Madison.  That is a peek into my online dating life.  You can see why it’s getting harder and harder to find a reason to do it.  I guess in the end I do it so at least I can say I’m trying.  I am putting it out into the universe that I am looking.  Let’s hope good things come to those who wait, and that my waiting days are over.

In an attempt to be proactive, and knowing that singles events make me want to impale myself with glass, the Jewish Journal, along with myself and my blogging colleagues, are putting on our own singles event.  It’s happening here in LA next Saturday night and so if you’re here, I hope you will come.  It’s going to be fun and fresh, with just the right amount of bitterness thrown in.

We are going to eat, drink and kvetch.  We’ll share dating horror stories and try to figure out why the hell we are alone.  If you are single then please come.  If you are married and want to check me out for your brother, uncle or friend, then come!  It will be a fun night out in LA.  If you think I’m unfiltered and open here, just wait until I’ve had a Cosmo.  I’m freaking hilarious.

I am going into the weekend with one date.  To clarify, it is not with any of the men I mentioned in this blog.  I’m not going with any expectations, but there is certainly hope.  Will I ever meet a man that does not have loose skin, comment on unseen body parts, and does not live with his wife?  Well, maybe next Saturday will be my lucky day, so I’m keeping the faith.

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February 2, 2012 | 11:01 am

Billionaire Adopts Girlfriend

Posted by Ilana Angel

John Goodman is very wealthy.  He was a child of privilege, but as wealthy as he was growing up, he’s richer now.  He founded the International Polo Club and is a billionaire.  That’s with a B.  He is not only a billionaire, but also a pig, coward, and disgusting.

Two years ago, while drunk, Goodman ran a stop sign and killed 23 year old Scott Wilson.  While the Wilson family mourned the loss of their beloved son, Goodman posted a $100K bond and checked into the Miami Four Seasons, while he waited to be arrested.

The Wilson family is suing Goodman for the wrongful death of their son. Goodman is a billionaire on paper, but one can assume when you have that much money, there is even more hidden offshore, in protected trusts, and in other people’s names.  Punitive damages are involved so this matters.

In order to protect his money, Goodman did something so unbelievable I can’t wrap my head around it.  Goodman’s girlfriend, Heather Hutchins, is now his daughter.  That is correct folks.  48 year old Goodman adopted his 42 year old girlfriend so he could transfer his wealth to her.

By transferring the money to his “daughter” before the trial, it is safe and cannot be touched.  He is allowed to give her 1/3 of his wealth, which when you are talking about billions of dollars, is not a small amount of money.  That money cannot be touched by any judgment against him.

The legal papers read: “The adoption declares Ms. Hutchins to be Mr. Goodman’s child and legal heir, entitled to all of the rights and privileges of Mr. Goodman’s natural born children. While there is nothing unusual about an adult adoption, the critical fact here is that Ms. Hutchins is Mr. Goodman’s 42-year-old girlfriend.”

Goodman’s criminal trial starts March 6 when he will be charged with DUI, vehicular manslaughter and leaving the scene of a crash.  He could face up to 30 years in prison.  He was drunk, ran a red light, killed a boy, and then he left.  30 years doesn’t seem like enough time to me.

Goodman claims the adoption was a way to protect his children, but what about the Wilson’s child?  Was he concerned with his well being when he killed him and left him alone to die?  While I appreciate that what Goodman is doing is legal, it is not decent. Shame on him.

Goodman hit Wilson so hard that his crumpled car went airborne and landed in a canal, on its roof, and immediately began sinking.  Scott Wilson was a recent graduate of the University of Central Florida with a degree in mechanical engineering.  Let’s not forget about this boy.

As a mother, I cannot imagine ever losing a child, and for this boy to have his life taken, after he was just starting to live it, is unforgiveable to me.  I hope Mr. Goodman remembers that his killed someone’s child each time he has sex with his daughter.  I also hope he rots in hell.

Too harsh?  Maybe.  By maybe of course I mean no.  Goodman left a young man to die because he was selfish and stupid.  He then scrambled to hide money so he does not have to give it to that child’s family.  They don’t care about the money you douchebag.  They want their son back.

I find this story upsetting for a lot of reasons.  There is clearly a creepy factor, but it’s more than that.  He killed a man and then showed no decency by leaving him alone to die. He is now disrespecting his memory because of money.  It’s all rather horrific and heartbreaking.

I am sending my condolences to the Wilson family.  I am sorry for your loss and I hope Scott gets peace at trial with a conviction of the man who killed him.  As for Mr. Goodman, he is a despicable human being and when it comes to his getting the maximum sentence, I am keeping the faith

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January 27, 2012 | 8:33 am

Dating Sucks Singles Event

Posted by Ilana Angel

For those of us who are searching for our beshert, we pray that every first date will be our last.  Being set up, dating online, or hitting the bars are all horrible, but not as bad as going to a singles event.

Until now.

The first of The Jewish Journal’s singles events is something new and different.  We are going to get honest, get real, and get our kvetch on.

If you are single and living in Los Angeles, I hope you will join us for drinks, nosh and a frank look at dating in LA.  One of my favorite singles bloggers, Elliot Steingart, who writes “Some Reservations”, and myself are going to share our dating horror stories over cocktails.  If you think I’m open and frank in my blogs, wait till you hear me tell the stories after a drink or two.

Bring your stories too, because after a cocktail you might want to share, and we hope you do.  Sometimes venting about how bad dating can be is enough to cleanse a bitter and jaded dater so they have the strength to give it another shot.  If not, then just have another shot and enjoy a night out.

No story shall be sugarcoated and if we’re lucky, one of the losers I’ve been out with will actually have the courage to show his face and we can get his side of the story.  Maybe the man who threw up on my shoes can come and have a drink.  Or maybe the man who dated me for a month while living with his girlfriend can bring her to say hello.  Perhaps the man who thought it would be cool to post a picture of his son as his actual profile picture, would like to bring his son.  I’ve got a million of them folks.

My wonderful friend Danielle Berrin, who is the brilliant “Hollywood Jew” writer, will moderate a discussion on dating, rules, sex, faith, hope and horror as we discuss why it’s just so hard.  In an attempt to not be completely bitter, Seth Menachem of “My Single Peeps” will be on hand to do a little matchmaking.

If you are gay, straight, young, old, man or woman, you are welcome to join us.  We are united in our dating frustration and a bad date does not discriminate.  I never thought the day would come when I would be at a singles event on a Saturday night, but here I am.  Not only am I going, but I’m looking forward to it.  You just never know who you might meet.  Stop thinking about buying a ticket and just do it. 

Part cocktail party, part horror movie, and part therapy session, this will be funnest singles event you have ever been too.  Or least not as bad as a loser date on a Saturday night.  I hope to see you on Saturday, February 11th. With any luck I will meet someone great!  Or perhaps I will just get sloshed enough to think all the men look like George Clooney.  That’s a win-win night so I’m looking forward to it and keeping the faith.

For tickets visit: JEWISH JOURNAL SINGLES EVENT

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January 24, 2012 | 2:47 pm

How to Not Get a 2nd Date

Posted by Ilana Angel

I had a date over the weekend with a guy we’ll call “Dick”.  He wrote to me online, and after a couple of email exchanges we spoke on the phone and made a plan to meet for a drink.  He seemed like a nice enough man and I was looking forward to meeting him.  Not really my type physically, but since my type is changing, I thought it was worth a shot.

My “type” has typically been tall, bald, tattooed Jews, who have spent time in prison.  You may think those men are hard to find but let me assure you, not so hard.  At one point there were three convicted felons on JDate and I managed to not only find them, but date them.  As I get older, and perhaps wiser, what I find attractive has changed.

I like smart men, and think Jewish knowledge is sexy.  Where I have typically dated men much taller than me, a man could be 5 feet tall, and with the ability to quote Torah, becomes a giant.  If he is also a good kisser, loves kids, and gently lays his hand on my lower back when guiding me through a doorway, I might actually fall in love with him.

Getting back to my date, we met for a drink and he was quite nice.  Good looking, on the short side, but funny and highly educated with both finance and law degrees.  The thing is, we really didn’t have anything to talk about. He was not into television, movies, or cooking.  He had never been to Israel, and had no relationship with his grown children.

None of this was mentioned in his profile of course, so live and learn.  He was harmless, it was nice, and while not a success, a step closer to finding my beshert.  I thanked him for a lovely time and went on my way with a nice hug and peck on the cheek.  Cut to the next day when he called to tell me he had a great time and was anxious to go out again.

Really?  We had absolutely nothing to talk about, and it’s only because I am charming as hell, quite funny, and insanely articulate, that we did not sit for 90 minutes saying nothing.  This date was not a keeper, yet he thought it was great and wanted to do it again?  Perhaps if he quoted the bible in asking me out, but since he didn’t, there was no way.

I told him that while I thought he was lovely, there was no romantic connection for me and I was not interested in going out again.  He responded by telling me you don’t always feel a spark after one date and I needed to not be a bitch and go out with him again.  Seriously?  Calling me a bitch is going to get you blogged about, not a second date.  Dick.

Just because someone does not find you attractive does not mean she is a bitch.  It just means she is not attracted to you.  You could look like George Clooney but if you have nothing to talk about then what good are you?  Well, you could be a lot of good if you looked like Clooney so that was a bad example, but my point is being attracted to someone matters.

It does not make me a bitch that I was bored on our date.  I am in fact a little bit of a bitch, but certainly was not on the date or the follow up phone call.  I was nice and sweet and calling me a bitch is lame and ridiculous Dick. In the end you are not nice, and frankly a schmuck.  We are not going out again.  Even quotes from the bible can’t help you now.

I am starting to think there may not be a Jewish man in LA who can quote Torah, kiss well, loves kids, and understands how sexy it is to guide me through a doorway.  Since Clooney does not know Torah, I must have hope that one day I might get lucky and come across a man who will make my heart flutter, so I am keeping the faith.

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January 23, 2012 | 9:13 am

My Jewish Life

Posted by Ilana Angel

This past weekend marked the 3rd anniversary of my son’s Bar Mitzvah.  In honor of the day, he was asked to read Torah at Temple.  He accepted the invitation and for the past week I have been listening to him practice which has been lovely.  It made me wonder, is my Jewish life enough?

When we went to shul on Saturday, I settled into my seat and watched as my son walked around the sanctuary and greeted his friends.  When I saw him wearing his tallit and embracing his friends, I was overcome with emotion as I watched my son living his Jewish life.

My son is Jewish by birth, but also Jewish by choice.  He has never been made to go to temple, but rather chooses it.  I am in awe of myself when I think back to how I put him through 10 years of a private Jewish Day School education with no financial assistance from his dad.

My child’s education is a great accomplishment, and that he has found a level of Judaism that works for him, fills my heart with joy.  That I was able to provide this for him is something that I still marvel at.  This weekend was a reminder of how important faith is for our children.

I was in services for over two hours and my child knew every song and every prayer.  I was so proud of him.  While not surprising, yet mortifying to my son, I started crying.  It was a profound moment in that it was as if God was telling me that I did a good job with the child in my care.

I am his mother, but he has been placed in my care.  It is my responsibility to raise a decent human being who will make the world better, and this weekend I was given a front row seat that I am doing just that.  He is a remarkable boy and the best part of my Jewish life.

I sometimes wonder if I am Jewish enough.  Should I be more observant? Perhaps be Kosher?  At the end of the day my faith is measured by my child. He is Jewish enough.  He is following our faith, at his own pace, with pride and a thirst for knowledge.  That is enough.

I have provided faith to my son in a way that he has embraced it.  That was always my goal.  I wanted him to be aware of our religion, the history of our people, and the desire to pass it along to his own family.  I have done that and so I don’t need to worry about the choices he will make.

As we left services I asked my son if he wanted a new tallit.  He told me he wanted to keep the one he got at his Bar Mitzvah until he passed it along to his son at his Bar Mitzvah.  It was a lovely thing for him to say, and I cannot wait for that day.  It will be a glorious day indeed.

If my son decides to become a Rabbi, or never go to shul again, my Jewish life will be the same.  I have taught him my beliefs, provided him with an education steeped in knowledge and tradition.  Who I am as a Jew, is separate from who he is.  We can observe differently.

I read Torah every day, but my son does not.  My son knows all the prayers and songs off by heart, but I do not.  One is not a better Jew than the other.  We are simply Jewish, living Jewish lives, and are blessed to be able to worship both together, apart, and differently.

My son is well on his way to becoming a man.  He is truly a mensch.  This weekend I was given an opportunity to see his Jewish life, and in doing so, was able to reconnect to my own Jewish life.  What a blessing is it to see the child I love so much, keeping the faith.

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January 18, 2012 | 12:43 pm

Happy Sweet 16

Posted by Ilana Angel

My son is turning 16 this week.  He is a remarkable human being and I am blessed and honored to be his mother.  To mark this most special of occasions, I want to share 16 things that I think he should know.

1.  Driving is a privilege and you must respect the power of being behind the wheel of a car.  When I freak out that you are driving by yourself, it is not because I do not trust you, but because I don’t trust everyone else.  Buckle up, put your phone away, look out for the other guy, don’t drive too fast, and remember to always call me when you get there.

2.  Be proud of our faith.  Embrace what you have been taught and be the best Jew you can be.  Never stop learning the history of our people, and build a relationship with God.  Pass down what you have learned to your own children, and make sure they too are close to God. Find a level of religion thai is comfortable for you, and know that faith can carry you through.

3.  Always respect women.  Open a door, walk on the street side of a sidewalk, remember important dates, bring flowers for no reason, say sorry and mean it, communicate in a loving way, and remember the power of silence.  Just because she does not say something, does not mean she doesn’t have something to say.

4.  Hampers were invented with men in mind.  Pick up your dirty clothes off the floor and put them in the hamper.  Don’t leave clean clothes on the floor as they will end up in the hamper, which is not where clean clothes go.

5.  It is not your job to take care of me.  You are my child and it is my greatest joy to take care of you.  You don’t need to worry about me. Enjoy your childhood, and be with your friends.  Know I am fine, and right here if you need me.

6.  Be brave.  When making choices for your future, and your happiness, be brave.

7.  When someone says come here, and by someone of course I mean your mother, just come.  Now.  By trying the, “in a second” method, or the popular, “I didn’t hear you” approach, all you are doing is making whatever she wanted to yell at you about worse.  Just come quickly and get it over with.  This information also applies when dealing with a girlfriend or wife.

8.  Sex is a beautiful thing and can only fully be appreciated and enjoyed when in your twenties.  Just kidding. Teenage parenthood is not an option.  I’m not kidding.

9.  You are my sunshine.  My only sunshine.  You make happy, when skies are gray.  You’ll never know dear, how much I love you.  Please don’t take my sunshine away.

10.  Drugs are bad.

11.  Reality television is like drugs.

12.  Go to bed every single day for the rest of your life knowing that I could not love you more.  Wake up every single day of the rest of your life knowing that I love you just a little bit more than the day before.

13.  Find your political voice.  Listen to candidates, and always vote for what is right for you and the country, not what your party tells you is right.  Your vote matters so don’t ever become a Republican.

14.  Remember what 16 feels like.  This is a great time in your life and you will not understand it until you are older.  Take time to let it all sink in because this moment will pass quickly.  Photograph it in your mind so you can look back when you are old and have it be something worth remembering.

15.  Find love. Find it with a Jew.

16.  As a child of divorce, know that you were born into a marriage filled with love.

To my wonderful son, Happy Birthday.  I have loved you for my entire life and the last 16 years have filled my heart with happiness and peace.  I wish for you all of the things you wish for yourself.  My greatest joy is watching you follow your heart, pursue your passions, and become a man I am both proud of, and in awe of.

I love you.

Happy Birthday.

Keep the faith.

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