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September 19, 2011

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Vacation – Why did the Manzo kids go?

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/the_real_housewives_of_new_jersey_road_trip_why_did_the_manzo_kids_go_20110/

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Fire them already!

The long awaited trip to Punta Cona is finally here, but before I get into the blow by blow, can someone please explain to me why the Manzo kids are on the housewives vacation?  This is The Real Housewives of New Jersey, not the Real Kids of New Jersey Housewives.  It’s nice that we met them, but enough already.  Give them their own show and we won’t watch it, but stop shoving them down our throats on this one.

Melissa and Joe are packing for the trip.  I love Joe and Melissa.  They are fun, in love with each other, and their kids.  They have saved this show and I watch more for them than any of the others. Teresa and Juicy are also packing, and as much as I love Melissa and Joe, I am repulsed by Tree and Juicy.  They are disgusting and in need of serious therapy for both them and their children.  I am over these people.

Bravo needs to fire Teresa before something bad happens.  She is unstable and we have seen what happens when Bravo families are pushed to the limit. They better let her go or their hands will once again be covered with blood. Over at Caroline’s she is also packing, as is Jacqueline, who keeps trying to be funny but it’s not happening for her.  She also appears to have no neck, only a head sitting on her body.

We see that Jac has hired a young girl to babysit while she is away, which is sad considering Ashley is in town.  That said, I would not leave my kid with Ashley, but it’s still sad.  Ashley is not going on the trip.  Chris asks Jac if she will miss their boys and she says yes, but when asked if she will miss Ashley, she pauses and then says yes, which we know is a lie.  Ashley is no angel, but her mother should be ashamed of herself.

Kathy is packing with her mom and hopeful the trip will be a good thing for the family.  Good luck with that Kath.  They are off to the Dominican Republic, so let the games begin.  Once in Punta Cana, we discover that one of Teresa’s 9 suitcases is lost.  It is a huge bag that has all of her costume jewelry.  I guess you need a lot of that for a 4 day vacation.  Teresa has gone from unappealing to repulsive.

They leave the airport in a caravan of cars and some genius at Bravo thought it would be fun for us to watch a bunch of Guido, juicehead, monkeys take a pee on the side of the road.  Really?  Whoever had that brilliant idea is a pig, and must have worked over at Jerry Springer before landing at Bravo.  The image of Juicy going to the bathroom has scarred me for life.  It was all very National Geographic ape special.

Melissa is commenting on what a great job Caroline did raising her kids, and Tree is trying to suck the joy out of it.  Teresa is in need of psychiatric attention.  The same idiot who thought we like watching men pee, must be the guy who advised Teresa to let us know she has her period.  If it were not for Melissa and Joe I don’t think I could watch these chicks anymore.  I am now faced with 10 minutes of Manzo kids.

Why the hell is Greg there?  It’s not bad enough we need to see the kids, but we have to have their friends there too?  Greg is at least entertaining. The Manzo kids are sweet to be sure, but boring as hell. Everyone is settling in and I wonder why every time Juicy says something, Teresa tries to explain what he is saying, but it is not even close to what we heard Juicy say. Teresa lives in an alternate universe.

Everybody is going to spend the day out on a boat, but Caroline has a migraine and is staying behind. Teresa can’t decide what bathing suit to wear so she decides to try a few on and have the husbands and children of her friends tell her what looks best.  She is insane.  The best part is when Jac is interviewed about the fashion show, she holds up her hands to make a point and her palms are bright orange!

She should wear gloves when applying her bronzer.  It was hilarious.  I rewound it 4 times to make sure I was not seeing things, and I wasn’t.  Her palms are orange, which when matched with her apparent neck loss, makes her look like a freak.  Over in bungalow 2, Joe and Richie are having a romantic couples massage.  Joe is getting a rub down, but Tarzan is up and ready to go at the mere sound of his wife’s voice.  Oy vey.

On the boat, all the kids are saying Melissa and Joe are the hottest couple in the world, but Teresa is convinced she and Juicy are hotter.  Is Teresa high?  Melissa and Joe are gorgeous, and Teresa and Juicy are not. Final answer.  Her insecurity, jealousy and pettiness are unbearable and I find myself wanting to shove her off the boat.  A nice slow motion television smack where her head swings back and her hair goes flying.

The guys are going into the water and Teresa feels the need to tell the entire group that her husband’s genitals are great and very active. Maybe away from the show tree is a lovely person?  By lovely, of course I mean child protective services might want to check in on her.  Those poor girls are either going to end up in lifelong therapy, or on a pole.  This show will haunt them forever, which is very, very sad.

The boat trip ends with no bloodshed, and everyone stops at the bathroom for some sexual innuendos.  Dear Lord, this trip is making me sick. They are all behaving like college kids on spring break and it’s exhausting. Juicy, Richie and Albert are talking about restaurants and we are reminded that Juicy is a moron.  I wonder if he graduated from high school. He is seriously stupid and that he is not in jail is a miracle.

Kathy joins the group and that is it.  Teresa starts a fight with her, and it’s disgusting.  Teresa is a crazy person, and if Bravo does not fire her, I will no longer be able to watch.  There is power in numbers, and we managed to unite to get the NYC cast massacred, so we must do the same here.  Teresa needs to be fired immediately.  I feel very bad for Kathy, but kudos to her for keeping her cool and not yelling or crying

Juicy steps in and tells everyone to shut up.  He is screaming at Kathy and Tree to shut up and Richie does not say anything, which was a shame.  He should have told Juicy to not tell his wife to shut up, but he sat there saying nothing.  It was surprising and not cool because I expected more from him. Teresa and Juicy leave but Tree is still talking about the Christening.  I do not like this woman. Kathy came out the winner and Tree is totally the loser.

Teresa is delusional.  She is also the reason I will not watch this show next year if she is still on it.  I’m over it.  Next week is more of the same and it will be painful to watch, and even harder to write about.  Come on Bravo, you’re on a roll so fire one more.  In fact, if you are going to fire Teresa, give Jacqueline the axe too.  Bravo needs to man up and do some spring cleaning this winter.  Time to keep it real.

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