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December 5, 2011

RHOA: Night of the Douchelord

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/the_real_housewives_of_atlanta_night_of_the_douchelord_20111204/

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Shhhhhhh. Don't speak.

This week starts out with Phaedra going to see Kandi at her shop.  She brings a cake as a peace offering for subjecting her Mamma to Ridickulous. Phaedra looks very beautiful, and her cake looks divine.  Phaedra is a Southern belle with a wild streak.  She is a little obsessed with the act of pleasuring herself, but God bless her for owning it.

I find myself quoting Phaedra quite often.  Her latest gem was shared tonight when speaking of Peter she said, “Peter can make a dollar out of fifteen cents.  Peter is a pimp.”  I really love Phaedra.  She can pull the lady card all she wants, but she is a broad and I love that about her.  I also like Apollo and think they have a super cute baby.

Cynthia is going to MC a fashion show and even before she starts I’m worried for her.  She is not particularly articulate so this is somewhat worrisome. Lawrence arrives in his heals and lipstick and he looks beautiful.  Back to Cynthia, she could not have done a worse job and actually said “wunway”.  She is seriously blessed to be so beautiful.

We meet a new couple in Charles and Marlo.  According to Phaedra, remembering she is not one to gossip, NeNe had a thing with Charles.  It took ten minutes for the ladies to start knocking down NeNe.  Poor NeNe.  She is popular and famous, and that bugs the crap out of Sheree.  Luckily Sheree looks good in green.

Cynthia is at her new agency with her sister Mal and her Momma.  We find out that Douchelord #1 is in trouble and short 40K for his new business. This storyline is boring.  Cynthia is passive aggressive, and while a pleasure to look at, brings absolutely nothing to this show. Mal is worried Cynthia will give her Douchelord the money.  Blah. Blah. Blah.

Sheree is at the park with her kids, when the ex shows up.  We are now spending time with Douchelord #2.  Clearly Sheree married for money.  This is not a handsome man.  He looks like an unfortunate version of Mike Tyson. That said, he could be the most handsome man in the world, but since he does not pay child support, he gets ugly fast.

We learn that NFL Bob has not paid child support in 4 years.  She has never taken him to court, and claims she does not want to hurt her kids, but is on national TV airing his dirty laundry. She throws water on Bob and he calls her evil to the core. Sheree may be a bitch, but bitch is better than Douchelord. This man is a pig and should be ashamed of himself.

We now spend time with Kim.  She is not around much because she is shooting her own show, but this chick is a loon.  Maybe it’s the tone of her voice but she does not sound very supportive of her children.  Her daughter is worried and nervous about the new family and Kim could not be more blasé about it.  Kim is an odd bird and I felt bad for Brielle.

NeNe goes to see Peter’s new place and it’s weird because she is more affectionate with him than his wife is.  NeNe is fun and still the star of this show if you ask me.  Phaedra is giving her a run for her money, but Nene is still the Queen Bee of Atlanta.  She agrees to come to the opening of Bar One and act as a co-host with Peter to help them out.

NeNe leaves and Peter and Cynthia are left alone together, which is awkward.  They have no chemistry together and I don’t get what she sees in him.  She lets him know her family is not coming to the opening and he lets her know he does not care.  She really needs to dump his sorry old ass because he is a sinking ship.

Sheree goes to see Phaedra for legal advice since her Douchelord has not paid child support in 4 years. Sheree gets emotional which is shocking because it’s the first time we’ve ever seen that from her.  She cries at the thought of putting her ex in jail for failure to pay support.  Phaedra offers to help for free and Sheree says she will think about it.

She does not want to make rash decisions, so she needs to think it over. Really?  Four years with no money and she needs to think about it?  We see that Sheree is sweet and deep down just a girl who is hoping for a miracle, not the hard ass she has wanted to think she is.  I feel bad for her and bad for Bob.  How did he blow this so bad?

Kandi goes to see her Mom and she is still pissed off about Ridickulous.  If she freaked out this bad over a stripper, how will she feel about Kandi’s dildo company?  I hope they us that conversation! I feel for her mom, love her new hair and think she needs to get the hell over it.  Not a bog deal Momma Joyce.  It’s over and you need to move on.  It was sad when Kandi cried.

We’re off to the opening party of Bar One and it’s weird because people are there, all dressed up, and furniture is being moved around.  Why are they still under construction DURING the party?  It’s tacky.  The funny thing is that the air conditioner is not working and people are melting in the hot Atlanta summer. Makeup is running and hair is drooping.

We learn the bar is located in the hood and Phaedra lets us know that it will be successful because “people in the hood need to drink too.” Peter tells Cynthia he got 40K on his own, he is gangster, and she needs to trust him. Trust?  Is he high? I can just imagine how he got it in less than a week. It makes no sense , and I imagine it’s shady.

Cynthia is either really naïve or really, really stupid.  Meanwhile Nene has still not arrived and the party is almost over.  The gossip is that she does not want to run into Charles, and while it’s just here say, Kandi jumps right in, as does Sheree, and tries to make it into something it is not.  These poor women will do anything for some camera time.

I watch all the housewife shows, including the mistakes that were Miami and DC, but these chicks are my favorites.  They are real women, with real issues, and they don’t hold back.  They are fun, and while I think I might be scared of a couple of them, I’d love to have lunch with them all. They may not be typical women of Atlanta, but they are entertaining, and keeping it real.

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