Jewish Journal


June 19, 2012

The Bachelorette is Starting to Bore Me



My top pick - Doug

I love this show and I love Emily but I am starting to lose interest in the whole thing.  It is moving very slowly, Emily is sweet but wearing thin, and I’m not sure I see her with any of the men she has left.  There are a couple of great men, but I’m not seeing the chemistry she is feeling.  That said, we are getting close and I am in until the final rose.

Whoever Emily chose has probably already been dumped, but that is not important.  What’s important is she gets to whore around Europe, making out with lots of different men, and it is all on film for her daughter to see when she grows up.  My romantic heart wants Emily to find love, but the single mother side of me thinks she made a mistake.

Emily and the boys are in Croatia.  It is stunning and the travels are one of the best parts of this show.  Watching Emily walk up to her hotel with an empty suitcase is hilarious.  Her daughter has gone back to Charlotte so Emily can start making out for real.  Emily tells the boys she feels like she is in a different world, which struck me as dumb.

Travis gets the first one-on-one date and he is thrilled because he thinks he could love her.  Translation:  He is not getting a rose and totally going home.  I predict he cries.  Can’t wait.  They do something where Travis could have taken off his shirt and opts not too, which Emily is upset about.  Look Ricki, Mommy is a little slutty in Croatia.  Nice.

Travis and Emily are at dinner and it is too funny.  He is clearly into her and she could care less.  He reminds me of Clay Aiken for some reason.  No clue why.  His accent is lovely, and he seems like a nice guy, but there is just no way.  Back at the hotel we find out that Ryan will get the other one-on-one date while the others are stuck on a group date.

Emily lets Travis down easy, but it’s still sad.  She tells him he is fabulous, but there is nothing romantic and even though she really, really wanted it to happen, it did not.  Blah, blah, blah.  She goes on to tell him it’s not him, it’s her!  I freaking love the ridiculousness of this show.  Wait for it…. Travis cries.  Bless him.  I hope he finds a great girl.

Not only does he cry, but he throws his umbrella away and walks in the rain with no protection.  It is dramatic, pathetic, and perfect reality television. On the group date they go see the movie Brave.  I can’t wait to see it too. Nice product placement ABC’s Momma, Disney.  They are whoring themselves out which is classic.  Everyone is a whore in the end.

The boys are now going to change into kilts and compete in their own Highland Games.  They are competing in three events and it’s cute.  I will say again, what I have said before, Chris the young guy is creepy, not attractive, and way out of his league.  I don’t get why she thinks he is so cute.  He has week lips and no personality.

Emily kissing Chris looks weird.  Emily Kissing Sean looks incestuous.  Emily kissing Arie looks dirty.  Emily kissing Jef looks odd.  Emily kissing so many men on film when she has a little girl is icky.  Sidebar: It cracked me up when Ryan answered the door to get his date card, sees the envelope and looks to the right and left as if he does not know who left it.  Ryan is a loser.

Emily comes to get Ryan for their date and the other men are not into him. He is creepy in a totally sexy kind of way.  The kind of guy that looks gorgeous naked, looks into your eyes and you feel like the luckiest girl alive, until you realize he is simply looking at his own reflection in your eyeball. Ryan is a pig and he has no clue he is going home.

They go to harvest oysters and it’s nasty.  I’m not a fan of eating ocean snot, and neither is Emily.  Ryan is all over the place.  He is talking again about wanting a trophy wife, mentioning that God has a plan, and then being a complete douchebag.  He is also wearing the ugliest turquoise shoes to dinner.  He is slimy and is about to go home.

Ryan is talking and talking and talking and Emily is just not into it.  She is bored, not that interested, and her saying she is unsure of him is a lie.  She is obviously not into him so dump him already.  Wait for it…… Ryan is dumped. Wait for it….. he is not having it.  Emily is humming and hawing.  Wait for it…. She sticks by her guns and he is out.  The music is fabulous.

Dumping Ryan took forever.  By forever of course I mean I drank an entire glass of wine during the break up.  The men back at the hotel are thrilled he is going home, Ryan is in shock that he is out, and worried about how shocked the men must be, meanwhile they have all been praying he goes home.  Ryan assures us he is a winner not a loser.  Thanks Ryan.

Important to note that Ryan lets the camera know he is fabulous and not conceited.  He then requests for the editors of The Bachelorette to edit him in a way that reflects his true self, not an arrogant ass.  He must have banged an editor while on the show because he has been portrayed as a douchebag. That said, I’m guessing it was not all editing.

Arie goes to visit Emily and tells her it was hard to find her.  Really?  Did the crew give him the wrong directions?  He tells her he likes her, is glad Ryan went home, and feels bad he did not stick up for her in London.  They make out, she gives him a rose in private, and I’m thinking next week I am going to drink margaritas instead of wine.

Emily talks to John alone and I don’t get it.  There is no chemistry and nothing for them to talk about.  He talks about his dead grandparents and cries.  While it’s lovely, I’m grossed out.  She then goes to talk to alone with Doug.  She lets us know it’s moving slow with him. Maybe he is just not a whore.  I like him though and want him to stay.

Doug cries because he misses his son and I think I might be in love with him. He could be pulling the wool over all of our eyes, but this man is delicious and I want him in the final two.  I really hope she keeps him longer.  At the rose ceremony we are down to Doug and John when we are forced to watch some painfully scripted garbage reality television.

Emily just turns and walks out of the room with no explanation.  She goes off to talk to Chris and tells him she is not sure what to do.  It looks like she might not give either of them a rose, then we learn she asked for an extra one and gives them each one.  It’s silly and scripted and fake and demands that I move on from wine to hard liquor.

We are down to six men and next week we head to Prague.  There will be making out, and tears, but hopefully not tears while making out.  We hear about drama with Arie, Chris is a hot mess, and Emily continues her European slut tour of 2012.  I’m in it, adjusting my alcohol intake to the good stuff, and hoping Doug sticks around to keep it real.


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