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June 19, 2012

Real Housewives of New Jersey – 50 Shades of Green

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/real_housewives_of_new_jersey_50_shades_of_green_20120619/

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I’m curious about how long Bravo is going to make us watch this garbage.  It is simply not entertaining.  It has become a chore to sit through it and virtually impossible to write about because it’s the same thing each week.  By the same thing of course I mean everyone hates on Teresa, she defends herself, and they all turn 50 shades of green with envy.

This cast is not interesting, with the exception of Teresa and Rosie, and the only real entertainment is watching them come up with new ways to hate Teresa.  Between Jacqueline’s lack of a personality, Caroline trying to get her kids their own show, Kathy being completely irrelevant, and Melissa trying to be Teresa, I don’t know why I’m watching at all.

We start with Teresa.  Seriously Bravo, give this chick her own show.  She is talking about how bankruptcy is not a reason to crawl in a hole and die, Juicy is building a carport to store all his work crap and putting in a chandelier for Tre, and the girls have found some frogs, which they are not allowed to touch because frogs give you warts.  We’ll watch this show.

Joe Gorga is talking to another contractor who tells him he is busy working on the carport with Juicy.  We find out that Juicy is building the same structure as what Gorga has.  We also learn Tre is building an apartment above the garage for her parents, which pisses off Gorga because he wants his parents to have their own house.

He also tells us that for the past 10 years his parents have lived in a house he owns, but he sold it and is now paying their rent in another place.  Really? If he wanted them to be in a house why sell the home they have lived in for 10 years?  Something does not add up with these people.  It’s impossible to believe anyone, which makes the show exhausting.

Caroline is out with Lauren and once again we are forced to listen to Lauren complaining about being fat.  Stop eating as much, work out, and you will lose weight.  It’s not brain surgery.  Lauren tells us she is not ready to lose weight right now so she is giving up on her liquid diet.  Sidebar:  Caroline looks like crap.  Fix your hair.  You are on television.

Caroline tells the camera her daughter is a food addict and she does not think she will lose the weight, but wants to be supportive so won’t tell her. Really?  She wants to support her, yet goes on the camera and tells everyone her daughter is a lazy, fat pig. Then Albert goes on and says he will get Lauren the lap band.  These people are pathetic.

Jac is talking to her ex-husband about Ashlee and stops in the middle to go get some booze so she can carry on.  That’s how we feel when we watch your crap show Jac.  We need booze to sit through it and a lot of that is your fault.  Jac is more concerned with her new family than Ashlee and it’s sad.  Ashlee is no picnic, but Jac makes it harder.

Chris says it’s hard for Jac because his wife is so good, she wants everyone to be good.  Jac is good?  Does Chris watch this show?  Jac is mean, boring, backstabbing, and jealous. In her attempt to not piss off Caroline, she has painted herself in corner where we can’t stand her.  We think she is a bad mother, a horrible friend, and a bit of a loser.

Chris, Albie, Greg and Lauren are eating.  The boys are eating pizza while Lauren eats a salad that looks like it has more calories than the pizza.  These kids have nothing to talk about, are not interesting, and bring nothing to this show.  Lauren is humiliating herself, and the boys are proving why there is no way in hell they should have their own show.

Jac is upset about an article in a tabloid that says Teresa might go to jail. Teresa and Juicy got into trouble, like millions of other American’s, and Jac should worry more about the daughter she has written off, than how much money Teresa owes.  I feel bad for Teresa that she is forced to constantly defend herself on this crapfest.

Teresa is talking about how Jac is such a great friend, meanwhile we see Jac not being a supportive friend at all.  It is so predictable.  Bravo is now setting up the fights for Jac, probably at the nudging of Caroline.  Caroline cannot stand that Dina is friends with Teresa so she is on a mission to ruin Teresa and using Jac to make it happen.

Kathy is over at Melissa’s with her sister’s and she has tabloids for them to read together.  Melissa is in full makeup and heels to play with her kids, and is incapable of being honest about anything to do with Teresa.  The only thing Kathy brings to the table is her confused musings on Teresa, and Melissa’s sisters are snakes looking for TV time.

The ladies on this show, and I use the word ladies very loosely, are jealous of Teresa.  We get it.  Just admit it and move on.  Teresa goes to meet Jac, unaware of the ambush that is about to happen.  Jac fake cries to Teresa that she is worried she is going to jail.  She is going on about what a great friend she has been to her and Teresa agrees.

Jac is pissed off Teresa is not telling her what is going on in her life and Teresa is once again being dragged on the coals buy these women. Teresa tells her to call her lawyer and he can explain it to her.  Teresa is not hiding anything, it’s a tabloid, then says she’d be a fugitive before she goes to the slammer.  I love Teresa.  Love her.

Jac is being a total bitch right now and that Teresa is not getting up and walking away is insane.  Jac says Teresa thinks she is stupid.  News flash Jac, we ALL think you are stupid.  Chris is eavesdropping, telling us how Jac takes her friendships personally which is odd because it would appear she has no friends other than bully Caroline.

Teresa is confused by Jac’s Heckyl and Jyde personality.  Hilarious.  Jac is pissed off Teresa was tweeting with Danielle Staub and it’s funny because if there is anyone on this show who should stay off Twitter, it’s Jac, who is horrible on Twitter.  Sidebar: This scripted scene went from day to night in a minute.  It’s so fake I want to scream.

Jac is doing Caroline’s dirty work and it is very transparent.  Teresa does not need to defend herself to these bitches.  Then, miraculously, Caroline shows up and says she was dropping off a bathing suit for the kids.  It’s just funny at this point.  Nobody is taking this show seriously and nobody is enjoying it. Caroline is bitter, angry, and jealous.

Jac is now sitting by while Caroline attacks Teresa.  Jac finds some balls and goes off about the article, then defends Caroline and we see this is what it was all about.  Caroline pushed Jac to defend her, Jac is so dumb she did it, Teresa is looking on in amazement, and I’m drunk.  Caroline is horrific, Jac is a moron, and Teresa must walk away.

Caroline is screaming about how she has been Teresa’s friend, but Teresa has never been her friend.  Dear Lord.  Who cares?  Caroline is angry about Dina, blames Teresa, and is pulling Jac into the mess.  Poor Jac is so dumb she is putty in Caroline’s hands.  Jac and Caroline essentially break up with Teresa and Tre should be jumping for joy.

Teresa gets up to leave, hugs Jac, and in the end I feel for Teresa not Jac. Caroline makes one last jab about Tre’s bag and it’s gross.  Next week looks like it will be good.  By good of course I mean hopefully we will be one step closer to Teresa getting her own show and the other chicks going back to their pathetic lives where they don’t keep it real.

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