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February 2, 2012

Real Housewives of Atlanta – Sorry Africa

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/real_housewives_of_atlanta_sorry_africa_20120202/

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Gibberish Battle 2012

Let me begin with a formal apology to the people of South Africa.  I am very sorry we sent these women to your beautiful country.  They are not the best examples of what ladies of the south are like.  Please forgive us and do not ban Americans from visiting.  Thank you.

After a sixteen hour flight the women arrive in Cape Town. Phaedra is concerned for the ladies who do not have as much cosmopolitan travel experience, while Marlo is over packed with both luggage and testosterone. NeNe has enough luggage for 2 months and they will be there for 8 days.

Speaking of NeNe, I just want to say she rocks on Glee.  She is killer as the swim coach and I cannot wait to see her back on next week. NeNe is fantastic. I predict she will be the only one to transcend the housewives and become a real star.

On the bus ride to the hotel Marlo will not stop talking.  She has a lot of opinions and demands for a woman who was not even invited on the trip.  She is quizzing the women on etiquette, which is just weird.  Sheree is hilarious and wonders if Emily Post has written about aggravated assault.

They arrive at their accommodations and it’s really beautiful.  I need to go to Africa.  As long as I’m not from Atlanta, they should let me in.  They are trying to figure out where everyone will sleep and Sheree says she will bunk with NeNe, which was hilarious and broke the ice a little bit.

Marlo is looking to take the best room and Cynthia is not having it.  Marlo then talks to the concierge and says she wants keys and to know who the housekeepers are.  She also wants to know if they leave early.  Translation: she thinks they are going to steal her stuff.  Whatever.

The girls have met up for breakfast.  Kandi is being snarky, Marlo is giving etiquette tips, and Cynthia is knocking Phaedra’s robe. She thinks it’s funny Phaedra travels with kings but wears a cheap robe. Really?  You could not pay for your wedding and you’re calling out the robe?

Phaedra gives all the ladies an engraved gift as a memento, and Marlo is annoyed she did not get one.  Hello?  You weren’t invited Sweetie.  Speaking of invited, Sheree’s friend is having a dinner party and she does not invite Nene, Cynthia or Marlo, just Phaedra and Kandi.

Did anyone notice that Marlo had her robe on inside out and wore 5 inch heels to breakfast?  NeNe is annoyed the talls were snubbed for the dinner party and let’s be clear, it was really crappy of Sheree.  Nene wouldn’t have gone so extend the invitation.  Sheree looks like/is a bitch.

For reasons I don’t quite get, our trip to Africa is interrupted by Kim, and her parents coming over for dinner.  I’m skipping over it because we will see the same thing on Kim’s new show.  I’m over Kim and her boobs and her complaining, so I’m sticking to Africa this week.  Bye Kim.

The ladies are going a cruise on a fabulous yacht and Sheree tells us it’s a yacht ride.  She’s fancy.  Cynthia brings up she was not invited to the party and you have to wonder exactly how dumb Cynthia is.  She’s like a little kid in the middle of grown women.  Not too bright that one.

The girls are on a sunset cruise and they all go down below and miss the sunset.  Such a waste.  Cynthia is surprised by the changes in South Africa since she was there 25 years ago. Is she for real?  Does she read the newspapers?  Can she read?  Does she own a television?

The bickering begins.  Marlo and Kandi have a little moment while NeNe is asking Phaedra why she has a problem with her, which Phaedra denies. Marlo brings up the tension between NeNe and Sheree, but in the end she needs to mind her own business because they are not ready.

Kandi, Phaedra and Sheree are getting ready to go to the party, while Cynthia, Marlo and NeNe are being left at home.  It’s the smalls against the talls. Cynthia comes in and she is clearly a tall!  She tells the girls to join them after their party.  Sheree tells Cynthia she is the only tall invited.

Cynthia runs to NeNe and tells her and Marlo that she was invited to Sheree’s party, but Marlo and NeNe are still not.  NeNe could care less, but now Marlo is aggravated she was not invited so she stomps over to confront Sheree who tells her she can come if she wants to.

Then it gets funny!  Sheree reminds Marlo that they did not know she was coming.  Marlo is confused, Sheree is being calm, and then Marlo let’s Sheree know she is single because she hangs out with *insert gay slur here.  Marlo is losing her mind and Sheree is the best fighter ever.

I love when Sheree fights.  She does not get scared, does not back down, and does not yell. She just speaks her mind and I love it.  I need to channel me some Sheree.  Marlo is telling Sheree she is broke and Sheree is telling Marlo she is a whore.  Well I think that’s what‘s happening.

I cannot understand a single thing they are saying.  Even the producers don’t know because the subtitles make no sense either.  It’s a Gibberish battle and I can’t stop laughing.  NeNe is trying to stop the fight and everyone else is in shock about what is going down. It. Is. Fantastic.

Sheree and Marlo are trashing each other.  Marlo offers to loan Sheree money, Sheree makes fun of Marlo for dating a white man, Marlo is knocking Sheree for not taking care of her kids, and accuses her of not liking white people.  It is freaking awesome.

We then get 5 minutes of insane yelling, making faces, and Disney voices.  I cannot stop laughing.  The best part of this episode is that it’s just the beginning and we’ve got a lot more Africa to go. These chicks are more aggressive than animals on a safari. That is keeping it real!

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