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August 27, 2013

Happy Birthday LeAnn Rimes – A Top Ten List of Crazy

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In honor of our favorite has been singer’s birthday, I will mark the occasion by listing some of the amazing things she did during the last year.  She has proven herself to be much more entertaining than I ever imagined.  By entertaining of course I mean delusional and in need of some serious therapy.  By therapy of course I mean medication.  It is just my opinion of course, and I only share it because this is America and I am allowed to. Plus, she begs to be written about. She literally begs people.

It is amazing to me that so many continue to write about a woman who is famous for having once been famous, but I do it too, so there you go.  The difference between my pieces on her and others, is that I appear to be the only writer calling her out on strange, scary, and inappropriate behavior.  Everyone else seems to overlook her madness and kiss her ass.  I don’t kiss ass, and if I were to kiss an ass, it most certainly would not be hers.  I think LeAnn is delusional and exhibits dangerous behavior.

As a gift to our favorite crazy person, I would like to share a top ten list of her most crazy antics this year.  When compiling the list it occurred to me that I could create a top ten list every week, and probably every day. This chick is a whack job.  I write about her because she does things that simply must be discussed, and once her reality show airs I will go to town on that too.  People ask why I write about her so much and the truth is that I write about her because somebody needs to tell the truth.

I will repeat now, what I have always said, if LeAnn Rimes drops her lawsuit against the Smiley family, I will never write about her again. I will not write a blog, or a tweet, or a Facebook status on her ever again. I will never again mention her.  I will not write about her, or her music, or her TV show.  Not a peep.  I will simply move on with my life and let the woman be.  It’s not brain surgery. It is quite simple, but requires a sliver of decency from LeAnn. Since she is unwilling to take me up on my offer, here is my Top 10 list of crazy.

10)  LeAnn sent flowers to her husband’s ex-wife on Mother’s Day, then tweeted all about it to show how lovely she was.  She did not mention in any of her tweets that she sent the flowers to the woman whose life she not only ruined, but tries desperately to emulate.  LeAnn Rimes does not have a real job because her full time obsession is to become exactly like the woman her husband is in love with, which funnily enough is not LeAnn Rimes.

9)  LeAnn likes to tweet about how she pays no attention to, and places no value on. my opinion, yet every time I mention her, she has something to say about it.  She has her gaggle of minions attack me as a writer, mother, and Jew.  Even people who are blocked from viewing my tweets get in on the action. She has assembled a group of vigilante Twitter stepmoms to troll Twitter and attack anyone who dares to mention her in an unfavorable light.

8)  LeAnn likes to have her picture taken in a bikini.  To be fair, if I had her body I would probably walk around in a bikini all the time myself.  She has a nice figure, and while I prefer a body that is a little less skeletal, LeAnn seems unable to wear a bathing suit that has not already been worn by her husband’s ex-wife. In her attempt to become the former Mrs. Cibrian, she makes a complete fool of herself with the single white female crap.

7)  LeAnn chose a special cake for her husbands 39th birthday. Instead of a cake adorned with flowers or balloons, like normal people, LeAnn chose a cake that had a couple, presumably her and her pig, naked under the covers with two little boys sitting at the foot of the bed.  It was beyond inappropriate.  The craziest part of the whole thing was that not only did she buy the insane cake, she tweeted pictures of it to the world.

6)  LeAnn discovered Vine and set a goal to post the most mundane, annoying, and stupid videos of all time. They are posted often and are never entertaining. The problem is that Ms. Rimes does not seem to understand that she is not at all entertaining. In fact, the only people who find her entertaining are physiatrists who have never seen this type of madness, and are most certainly looking to name it for future medical journals.

5)  LeAnn gave a concert in a parking lot or something, and two men planning to attend sent her a picture of the outfits they were wearing to her show. They wore big pink cowboy hats and t-shirts that read “F**k Brandi”. LeAnn tweeted back that she loved the shirts. The men then wore the shirts to her concert, which was attended by her husband’s kids.  She talks about anti-bullying but refuses to acknowledge she is an epic bully herself.

4)  LeAnn is suing Kim and Lexi Smiley for taping a phone call with her and making it public.  The lawsuit is silly, her lawyer is only in it for money, and a family is being put through hell because Ms. Rimes is allowing her ego to rule her decisions. The Smiley’s have done nothing to LeAnn Rimes, but she is torturing them. I can assure you, there are millions of people who will testify they thought Ms. Rimes was a lunatic long before hearing the tape.

3)  LeAnn wrote an entire album about her affair with her husband. She tweeted incessantly about a song called Borrowed, and how her husband’s kids love it and like to sing it. The song is about her having sex with their dad while he was married to their mother. She is bragging about kids singing about their dad’s new wife being a whore and breaking their mother’s heart, but she thinks it is absolutely adorable how much they love her music.

2)  LeAnn was on a parking lot tour for her record, which nobody bought, and at one point tweeted that her husband’s kids were on the tour bus with her and it was their “happiest place on earth”. The truth is that the only way her tour bus is the happiest place on earth for those children is if it is parked in the driveway of their mother’s home and they are looking at it through the living room window. Their happiest pace on earth is with their mother.

The number 1 crazy moment is……

1)  LeAnn has been tweeting nonstop about her birthday celebrations, and in anticipation of her big birthday party, she tweeted that her “sons” were planning her party.  For the love of God Ms. Rimes, you do not have any children.  Your husband has children, and you are blessed to be in their lives, but no matter how much you try to be their mother in your demented and delusional mind, you do not have any sons.

I seriously could have made this a top 100 list and still had to cut things out. LeAnn Rimes is a piece of work.  She is a woman who was famous many years ago for singing, and has managed to become famous again. This time for being a dirty, stupid, vindictive, childless, whore. The county music world has washed their hands of her, and the only reason she is getting a TV show is because she is probably paying for it herself. That show will be LeAnn’s gift to me.  It is blogging gold and I am going to go to town writing about it.

Ms. Rimes will celebrate turning 31 knowing she is unstable, has a husband who is a prolific cheater, no career, and no children.  Mazel Tov.  She will rally her troops to attack anyone who speaks badly about her, and try to convince all stepmothers the world is against them and they need an uprising to demand respect.  A good stepmother is a blessing to a mother who shares custody of her children with a new wife. LeAnn is not that kind of stepmother. She is simply a bitch who is incapable of keeping it real.

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