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February 29, 2012

Celebrity Apprentice – Lisa Lampanelli is a Nightmare

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/celebrity_apprentice_lisa_lampanelli_nightmare_20120229/

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Lisa Lampanelli

I love this show and I love this cast.  Last week Cheryl Tiegs got fired.  It was sad because she never should have been hired.  She was too nice to go up against these sharks and they ate her alive.  This week we learned that Victoria Gotti was not a tough as her name, and Lisa Lampanelli is a classless bitch.  There is a reason nobody knows who she is.

The week start with Gotti pissed off the women are acting like bitches and not uniting as a team.  She is pissed at everyone, especially Lampanelli, who threw her under the bus and was annoyed Gotti called her kids during their task.  Clearly Lampanelli has no kids and does not get it.  She is a filthy comic, not nice, and I’m over her.

The task is putting on a show at Medieval Times.  James Lipton is the guest judge.  He’s a hoot and it will be fun to watch him suck up to Trump.  That’s what he does, and he does it brilliantly.  The men chose Penn as their team leader and the women go with Lampanelli.  From the moment they announce team leaders you know the men will win.

The winning team gets $40K, and Adam Corolla is off this week because of a scheduling conflict.  Lisa is the boss and comes out of the gate as a bulldozer.  She is rude and has no people skills.  She decides the ladies will do a spoof of the Real Housewives of New Jersey.  Teresa Guidice is on the team and you know there is a table flip coming.

Sidebar:  These chicks are wearing their own clothes and I must say I don’t get what Aubrey or Debbie Gibson are wearing.  Aubrey looks like she got dressed in the dark and Gibson looks like she pulled an all nighter, as a hooker, and strolled in to do the task.  I suggest they each get a stylist to help them out.  Not cute.

The men are working as a team, all is well, and they have Peen who is tailor made for this task.  There is no tension, just a bunch of guys doing their jobs, and remembering to have fun.  The chicks are fighting and Lampanelli is losing her mind.  She is yelling at the women and it’s embarrassing.  Be embarrassing of course I mean hilarious.

The men are all trying to look smart so we respect them and think they are just regular folk, and Lisa is working hard to show us exactly why we don’t know who she is, and why we don’t need to bother searching for her on Google.  This chick is a train wreck and you realize quickly that her act is about people laughing at her, not with her.

James Lipton checks in on the men and reports back they are going with a comedy routine, and Donald trump Jr. checks on the women and reports that the housewife concept is brilliant. Lampanelli throws Gotti under the bus to Trump Jr. which is crappy, and Teresa is super cute and rolling with the punches on the Real Housewives theme.

Lou Ferrigno is sweet, but taking the jousting too seriously.  The men are getting annoyed a bit, but being nice and not getting into it.  Back with the women, Gotti does not want to do anything, which is lame, but Lampanelli is using every opportunity to talk badly about her.  Granted Gotti is useless, but no need to embarrass her.

Gotti is cranky and thinks she should go play with the men.  Whatever. Lampanelli is blowing smoke up her ass by telling her she is important as the stage manager, but the fact is Lampanelli cut her out of the task completely and she is rightfully pissed off.  Lampanelli wanted to be the boss and so she took out the competition.

Over with the men, George Takei is adorable and you can’t not like him, but apparently Clay Aiken did not get that memo.  Clay is a schmuck and even that can’t be hidden behind a sweet southern accent.  Dee Snider is in drag, which means all is right in the world, but he hurts his finger and they want him to go to the hospital.

Snider says he will fight through and go to the hospital after the show.  The men do their show and it’s cute.  They made people laugh, used everyone’s strength and the reason they are famous.  Over with the women, it gets off to a bad start and Lampanelli blames Gotti for the glitch, and takes credit for saving the world.

The highlight of the women’s show was Teresa.  She was fun, Gibson was sleazy, Gotti was invisible and Lampanelli was disgusting.  We’re off to the boardroom to learn who the audience voted the winner.  Lampanelli says she is confident they won, but the men also think they won.  Before we learn who won, we have to sit through some fighting.

Lampanelli and Gotti go at it.  Gotti is hurt, but keeping it in control, speaking calmly, and supporting her leader.  I would have lost it on the bitch, but Gotti was kind.  Cut to Lipton sucking up to the players and to Trump.  It was awesome.  Listening to his love fest was expected and divine.  I love James Lipton and he did a great job.

We learn that Snider fractured his finger and needs to have a pin put in. That he made it through the show with that kind of pain is crazy.  Good for him, but ouch.  Trump asks Penn who he’ll bring to the boardroom if they loose and Penn chooses Takei and Ferrigno.  Ferrigno loses it and gets pissed off.  He takes it personally and Penn feels bad.

Penn should have not bought into Trump’s trap and just been quiet.  Lou is still talking and complaining but he needs to shut up before we are over him.  Takei is lovely and says he respects Penn’s position.  In the end Lou is a baby and Takei is delicious.  Lou’s rant should have been saved for when he was fighting to stay, not on a hypothetical.

The boardroom is too long.  Trump is turning a scene that should take 10 minutes into 30, and we are reminded this show should be an hour not two.  With the women, Lampanelli tells Trump she is bringing Gotti into the boardroom and the fighting begins.  These women are embarrassing, don’t fight fair, take it all personally, and are lame.

In the end, after Lipton pulls out his iconic blue cards, we learn the men win.  I’m glad they won and it’s a shame Ferrigno got into it with Penn because if they did not, they would have won cleanly with no hurt feelings. Teresa is the star for the women and it’s going to get ugly because Lampanelli will sell her soul, is she has one, to stay.

The women are crazy.  Many of the ladies think Lisa should go home as the team leader, but they are not strong enough to speak forcefully.  Gotti cries and I am not sure if it’s because she is sad she is about to be fired, or if it’s because she has just realized she has no personality.  Either way, it’s worth crying about.  Lisa should go home.

Lisa is bitching, complaining about all of them, and I think she is a complete and total bitch.  She is vile, rude, inappropriate, abrasive, hurtful, stupid, ridiculous, and not a team player.  Lampanelli is going to be the undoing of this team in the long haul so they better figure it out and dump her ass before it’s too late.

Gotti is going home, but let’s talk about the fact that Lisa Lampanelli has been given an opportunity for millions of people to get to know her, and she is using the experience to show America she is a snake. She needs to get fired and go back under the rock where Trump found her. Was I too harsh on Lisa? No, just keeping it real.

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