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May 9, 2012

Celebrity Apprentice: Beauty & the Beast Go Home

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/celebrity_apprentice_beauty_the_beast_go_home_20120509/

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Beauty and the Beast

We start this week with Lisa celebrating that Dayana has been sent home. She is miserable and it’s a real shame because she has built a career on being tough and raunchy, but still funny.  We have seen that in real life she is not tough, mean, and not that funny.

The task is to do an ad campaign for Elle Magazine that will feature the Chi touch screen hair dryer.  The owner of the company is there and he is on Aubrey like white on rice.  The Elle chick is beautiful, and the VP for the Chi company has a Sandusky vibe that is creepy.

In a random moment, Trump tells the Chi guy Aubrey has gotten more beautiful each week, the Chi says her hair is beautiful, and she says her color is natural.  Right.  They flirt with each other for a second which makes me throw up in my mouth for real.  This week will be weird.

Aubrey is taking over, doing everything, and giving Arsenio and Teresa useless duties to keep them out her way.  Over with Lisa and Clay, Lisa is happy to have it be just them because she likes Clay, but if he drops the ball she will throw him under the bus.  She’s in it to win.

Aubrey is doing a yoga, peace theme, which I think is lame.  Lisa is using a don’t judge a book by it’s cover theme, which makes no sense.  Both concepts are dumb and don’t focus on the product, but whatever. Lisa and Teresa are now going to negotiate for the models.

Lisa does not care what models they use, but Teresa is set on who she wants, so Lisa plays with her like a mouse plays with a cat.  She is bullying, manipulating, and confusing Teresa, which is sad, but hilarious.  Lisa is funny in this scene, which is a nice change.  Teresa is totally bulldozed.

Teresa caves and does what Lisa says, then tells the camera Lisa is dirty and she will fight back.  Teresa is obviously going home this week. She has done a great job here, I loved her on this show, and she can be proud of herself. She played fair and was ousted by a bitch.  It happens.

Aubrey is annoyed Teresa did not negotiate better.  Eric Trump arrives and they explain how Teresa tanked with Lisa, and he tells the camera she “may go home for this”.  Predictable.  Aubrey is explaining it all to Eric, Teresa is embarrassed, and we know how it ends so why watch?

Lisa goes shopping for their photo shoot.  Teresa is still pissed at Lisa for killing her in the negotiations, and Aubrey is saving the team by doing everything all by herself.  Aubrey could run the world.  Just ask her, she’ll tell you as much.  Repeatedly.

Aubrey offers to be a model.  She is out of control.  Bless her and her massive balls.  If Trump wanted the best player to win, it would be Aubrey.  The problem is that she is not humble, or kind, so we all think she is a skank.  Had she been nice, she’d be a fan favorite.  Too bad.

Clay is not able to do the job without Lisa, who returns late. Wth the clock ticking, they show Clay running around like a chicken with his head cut off, and Lisa eating.  It was not nice, but she deserves to be treated unkindly so she can get a taste of her own medicine.

Aubrey is having her picture taken and it’s hilarious. She is hanging out with her boobs exposed, talking about she should be a hair model.  I think she also said she invented cars, nail polish, and television, but I was pouring my wine and may have misheard her.  She’s out of control.

It’s presentation time and Teresa tanks.  Their campaign has nice pictures but no information.  The Chi guy is lusting after Aubrey, the VP guy is creepy, and the Elle chick is useless.  Without seeing the other team you know Teresa is losing and going home.

Clay and Lisa present, and while the pictures are not as nice, they have a better presentation.  Listening to the judges spend five minutes talking about the teams is boring and I’m skipping over it.  Blah. Blah. Blah.  Let me say again, this show should only be an hour long. ONE HOUR Trump!

We are 56 minutes into a two hour show and the boardroom has already started.  Really?  What the hell is going on here?  Trump starts with asking Teresa about the negotiations and I‘m bored.  There is nothing of any interest being said and I am resentful this is all they are giving us.

Eric and Don Jr. tell the teams what was good and bad.  Trump spends ten minutes asking everyone who should go home which is lame.  Who cares what they think?  Of course they all want to save themselves.  No big surprise here, Teresa loses and she’ll be out.

Important to note there are still 40 minutes left and I am not even listening anymore.  Teresa is trying to save herself, Arsenio is trying to say he actually did something, and Aubrey is sitting there with a smug look because she knows she is not going anywhere.  Teresa is out.

Aubrey and Teresa keep using the word, “overlook”,  but I think they mean, “oversee”, and it’s bugging me.  I’m pouring another glass of wine.  I see their mouths moving, but all I hear is the teacher from the old Charlie Brown cartoons.  I can’t understand anything they say.

With Teresa is out, Trump brings in John Rich and Marlee Matlin from last year to interview the final four.  I love Marlee and Rich but there is no way in hell I am sitting through this.  They are all begging to stay and it’s gross. I could have missed something good, but I don’t care.

Trump goes after Lisa for not being in control of her emotions, then out of nowhere, Lisa is canned.  The woman who has been fighting all season, kisses everyone, is sweet, kind and gracious.  Really? Totally disappointed that she did not leave guns blazing.

We are down to Aubrey, Arsenio and Clay.  Next week Arsenio will be fired in the first 10 minutes, and it will be down to Clay and Aubrey.  Aubrey will win.  It’s been a good but predictable season.  I’m in to the end, but glad it’s over and hope the finale can keep it real.

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