November 14, 2011 | 10:02 am

The Real Housewives of Atlanta RECAP

Posted by Ilana Angel

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This week starts out with NeNe, Kandi and Cynthia going to Miami for a little get away.  I’m not sure why Kandi would be invited by Nene, and by not sure of course I mean Bravo made her take Kandi.  I really like NeNe and these heffers better back off of her.  Jealously is not cute ladies.

The girls are in the hotel for five minutes and the talk turns to sex.  Kandi is pretty with long hair, and NeNe is on a mission to find a man for Kandi. Back in Atlanta, Kim is very pregnant and for reasons I will never understand, Bravo has decided we need to hear her pee.

She pees a lot, which is funny, but can’t they shut off the mic while she is doing her business?  It’s gross and ridiculous.  Kim’s birthday is coming up and she is going to be 33.  Yup 33.  Seriously, there is just no way this chick is 33 years old.  I’m simply not buying it.  No way.

Phaedra has decided to go into the funeral business.  She goes to talk to Willie, the king of funerals in Atlanta, to see how she should proceed.  She is such a pretty girl, but her make-up is insane. She is the most entertaining of the women and I could listen to her ramblings all day.

Willie is adorable and she wants him to mentor her, which is hilarious since he clearly thinks she is off her rocker.  Willie is formal and loving, while Phaedra is counting the money.  It will be interesting to see what happens with this.  Southern weddings are a trip.

Back in Miami the girls are eating and talking about how rich NeNe is.  Poor Nene.  It’s a shame that she feels the need to defend herself to these women.  I don’t care about how much money NeNe has, but bless her.  She can count it on camera for all I care.  Nene is fabulous.

Kandi is two faced when it comes to NeNe and she is waiting for something to snap.  Not cool.  Turns out its lesbian pride weekend in Miami and the ladies weekend has taken on a whole new meaning.  NeNe lets us know she is strickly dickly, and does not understand lesbians.

Sheree is shopping with her son Kairo.  She is talking about how shy and reserved he is, yet she has him on the show, and he is clearly not thrilled.  He is a very sweet boy and I felt for him that his shopping was put on camera.  Sheree seems to know nothing about him.  It’s weird.

She then says she is talking to her ex about him spending more time with his dad and it’s so very sad.  Why put her child on television and talk about how his dad does not spend time with him?  It was a selfish move and I lost any respect I had for Sheree.  Not big deal, it was not a lot.

Nene is looking at a house in Miami because she might move there.  Really? Not a chance.  It is a fabulous house, but she is not buying a 9 million dollar home in Miami when she could have an estate in Atlanta.  Not happening, waste of time, lame Bravo time filler. Cynthia is sweet.

The girls are on the beach in their bathing suits and I think Kandi looks great, even though NeNe makes fun of her size.  Nene looks great too, but next to Cynthia, she should not be commenting on other people’s bodies.  The girls are once again talking about sex.  It’s an odd discussion.

We find out things I’m not sure I need to know about these women. They meet a couple of guys and Nene is a little flirty which is cute.  She is separated and not sure what is going on with Greg, so it’s sad.  I like NeNe and she would be my choice of Atlanta housewives to have lunch with.

Sheree and Kim are having dinner and all they have to talk about is Nene. It’s odd that these heffers have nothing better to talk about than crap about Nene.  There is a lot of jealousy and not a lot of genuine friendships happening with these women, only Bravo made friendships.

Kim wants us to think her and Kroy took things slow, which is insane.  Phaedra wants Apollo to come into the funeral business with her, and he wants no part of it.  Her baby is a beautiful little boy.  It’s interesting that she has absolutely no idea what her husband does for work.

Kroy is taking Kim out for her birthday dinner.  She says Kroy knows everything, and she is book smart, but they seem to know nothing about each other, which makes sense since they don’t really know each other.  He is a sweet boy and that he is now connected to her forever is sad.

Kroy gives her a $22000 bracelet for a gift and it’s sweet, but her reaction was small.  She said she was excited, but it looked like she could have cared less.  Back at their house is a little surprise party planned with just a handful of people.  It’s sweet. I find Kim oddly appealing.

Kandi is gossiping about NeNe again.  She says that the ladies all talk about each other but she wants to stay out of it, yet she was the one who started the crap talking about Nene.  Kandi wants to appear to be the nice one, but at the end of the day, she is just like the rest of them.

Phaedra, Kandi and Sheree are hanging with Kroy while Kim gets a massage. Kroy is such a sweet man, or rather boy.  He is so young and charming that I am happy for Kim that she found him, but worried for him that he won’t be rich enough for her in the end.  Fingers crossed.

Next week looks fabulous and I can’t wait.  This week was okay, but not great. NeNe was on WWHL with Andy and she was great.  I like Nene and think the others are jealous of her.  She was classic NeNe, voted favorite ATL housewife, and as always, was keeping it real.

November 8, 2011 | 10:43 pm

Top 10 Reasons Patti Stanger & Millionaire Matchmaker Should Get Canned

Posted by Ilana Angel

10)  She has a show about matchmaking, but we have never seen her make a match.

9)  She has a drag queen impersonator that is prettier and more feminine than she is.

8)  She has a staff that should be working at LA Ink.

7)  She is rude, obnoxious and abrasive.

6)  She has to pay clients to be on her show.

5)  She makes us want to put crushed glass in our eyes.

4)  She is offensive to men, women, gays, Jews, and most living things.

3)  She is not funny and is recycling jokes from season one.

2)  She isn’t getting the numbers she got before we knew she was a skank.

And the number one reason Patti Stanger and Millionaire Matchmaker should be cancelled is:

We don’t like her or her stupid show, and we are not watching.

I hate to be harsh, but it’s the truth, and needed to be said.  By “hate to be harsh”, of course I mean this was my toned down version of what I really wanted to say.  It’s hard to not be vicious when you’ve had 2 glasses of wine, which by the way is not enough to make it through an episode of this crap fest.  That my friends, is keeping it real.

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November 7, 2011 | 10:36 pm

Real Housewives of BH: Is that Beverly Hills or Botox Heaven?

Posted by Ilana Angel

These chicks seriously make me sick.  I used to dig them because it’s where I live, so seeing the hood is cool, plus their wealth is fascinating.  They are now just a bunch of fame whores, who have no real loyalty to each other, and nothing to do with their time.  They suck the joy out of the real housewife franchise.  The bores of DC where better than this group.

We start with Paul offering free services to the ladies.  Translation:  he is a fame and money whore who is doing this so all the wannabes will now call his office and get the work done. Taylor is getting filler, and Lisa is there to tell her to eat something.  Taylor lets us know her face is genetically thin. Great.  What about the rest of your anorexic body sweetie?

Kim is on her way and calls Paul to say she is coming.  She is a mess.  The thing is, she is also quite entertaining and the higher she is, the more fun she becomes.  It’s sad because you want to tell her to get help, but at the same time you want to pour her a drink so she will be fun.  It’s a sad and vicious cycle.  Taylor’s face makes me cringe.  Eat Skeletor.

Camille skips the party because she is home with her kids, having just heard Kelsey has sued her for custody of their kids.  He’s a loser and she can take comfort in knowing that he will rot in hell.  Lisa and Kyle call her to check in which is lame and an on camera crap fest.  Meanwhile Russell is emailing Lisa letting her know his marriage with Taylor is going great.

Kim finally arrives and let’s Kyle know she is not coming to the séance because it’s against her religion.  Kyle thinks she’s nuts, but it’s true. Séances are indeed not permitted in the Church of Crack.  Kim needs an intervention.  Sidebar:  Any mention of Russell Armstrong on this show is sickening and Bravo should be ashamed of themselves.  It’s disgusting.

I cannot let another episode pass without commenting on Adrienne’s hair and clothes.  Is this an episode of Dallas, circa 1980?  Her hair is in desperate need of a good cut and color, and her clothes are silly. The belted blue shirt with shoulder pads was ugly.  With her money and time, there is no excuse for her to look how she does.  None. Get a stylist, or fire the one your have.

Kim, who made endless fun of Taylor for doing her lips, gets her lips done. Kyle leaves in a huff.  I used to think Kyle was fun, but now I think is a complete and total bitch.  She is not funny, not a good friend, and if she mentions Paris one more time I will scream.  She went from my favorite to who cares about you?  Camille is my new favorite BH housewife.

Kyle calls Brandi to invite her to the séance.  Such a load of crap.  She does not want her there and it’s a simple case of Bravo scripting.  Why Kyle would choose to include her young daughter is beyond me.  Instead of whoring out her kids, maybe she should spend her time explaining to her good friend Taylor that she is too old to not be wearing a bra.  Strap them in already.

Taylor goes to Kyle to ask for help when it comes to Lisa, who is spreading rumors about her.  Kyle, Lisa’s great friend, suggests that maybe Lisa preys on the weak.  Dear Lord, with friends like Kyle, who needs enemies?  The séance is on and all the fake kissing and hugging is hilarious.  Between Camille and Faye, Kyle and Brandi, I am laughing.  Thank God for wine.

As for the medium who is doing the reading, really?  As an avid watcher of this show, and a person with access to Google, I could do as good of, if not better, job.  It’s so lame.  I’m more interested in the earthquake in Oklahoma City than I am in this fake reading.  If you mute the TV and speak for them it’s fantastic.  My version of this séance is freaking hilarious!

Kyle heads over to Kim’s and it’s gross.  Why is it that Kim cannot do anything in her life without telling Kyle?  Kyle is offended that Kim does not tell her stuff.  Really?  Reality check Kyle.  She does not tell you because you are a total bitch.  If I were Kim’ s friend, my advice to her would be for her to tell Kyle nothing.  You are a conniving backstabber Kyle.

I like it that Kim is strong enough to stand up to Kyle and tell her she is doing this for herself and nobody else.  That said, if I always did things for other people and was finally going to do
something for myself, moving in with Ken is not the way I would go.  Maybe get a new car, or a get new drug dealer, but not this.  That said, I wish Kim well and hope he is nice.

Next week is going to piss me off.  I am seriously offended by any and all reference to Russell, and next week will be upsetting.  Bad enough his children have this show as a legacy of their dad, but to drag all this garbage up is just mean and selfish.  Next week will be rough and I can tell you right now to buckle up because on behalf of Russell, I will be keeping it real.

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November 7, 2011 | 10:35 am

The Real Housewives of Atlanta:  Watch Out Heffer!

Posted by Ilana Angel

The ladies of Atlanta are back and if you base the upcoming 4th season on the premiere episode, it’s going to be good!  Before I started watching I checked out the word “heffer” in the Urban Dictionary. It is listed as meaning: a fat bitch, or conceited girl with a bad attitude.  I think it sounds funny when used in real life, and nobody can pull it off like these girls.

The show starts with a very pregnant Kim and her fiancé Kroy, getting ready to move in together and have their baby.  Kim is sitting on her ass with Sweetie while Kroy works.  They a cute couple and I’m happy for them, but her talking about his ass for so long felt weird.  He’s only 25 and if I were his mom, listening to this wig rat talk about his bum, I’m be grossed out.

NeNe is getting a car for her son Bryson, who is a little too ungrateful for me. He does not seem to appreciate his mother, and it makes me sad because she is trying.  We all want the best for our kids and I really hope he does not disappoint her.  Again.  Important to note that Bryson’s earring is totally ridiculous and I want to pull it out.  I like Nene.  Always have.

Sheree is up next and it must be said that this woman’s body is insane. She works out and you can tell.  Her body is tight and she looks great. There is something different though and I’m not sure what it is.  Did she have work done on her face?  She is beautiful, but something new is going on. She is meeting with Lawrence, my favorite Atlanta sidekick.

Sheree is pissed because NeNe, the heffer, tried to take money from one of her deals.  They are going to make plans to meet to talk it over.  By talk of course she means sream.  I missed these chicks.  Over to Cynthia, she is starting her own modeling agency and has invited Ms. Jay to come and help her.  Ms. Jay is divine and he should have his own show, not helping here.

Cynthia seems like a very nice woman, but she is just not that interesting. We are now with Phaedra.  Her baby is beautiful and she is still with Apollo. Her great aunt has passed away and she is thinking she wants to get into the funeral business.  I love her voice, her accent, her vocabulary, all of it.  I find Phaedra to be fascinating, and extremely entertaining.

The model agency scenes are lame and I will lose interest fast, wait, already have. Kandi, Sheree and Phaedra are vibrator shopping. Why? Because Kandi is starting her own line of vibrators.  Really? She says as a single parent she needs to make money, so she thought about sex toys.  God Bless her, but she is the last one I would have thought would get in the sex business.

Note to self:  visit that shop in Atlanta.  Meanwhile Kim is in bed with an insanely adorable dog, and hanging out with her kids and Sweetie.  She says having the kids around is great because they bring her things all day.  It’s funny how they are portraying her this year.  She seems mellow, but we know there is some serious heffer just waiting for the baby to come.

Phaedra oversees her aunt’s funeral, and it’s very lovely and southern.  She looked beautiful and I loved her hat.  I think Funerals by Phaedra is a delicious idea.  It’s time for Sheree and NeNe to meet and clear up their situation.  From the moment they say hello you can feel the tension.  It’s not going to end well because it does not start well.  Sheree is cool, NeNe is hot.

Sheree’s ability to stay calm is amazing.  Maybe it’s because she knows she can knock these bitches out with one shot from her guns, so there is no fear. Sheree gets the guy on the phone and he confirms Sheree’s story, and Nene loses her mind.  Standing, yelling, and cussing, telling Sheree how rich she is. NeNe bailed, and Sheree goes out after her.  It is on in Atlanta.

NeNe leans of Cynthia for support and you just know it’s only a matter of time before these two turn on each other.  I like NeNe.  I think she is funny and entertaining and she better not let these chicks suck the joy out of this time for her.  NeNe says she has never been hated like that before, which I’m guessing is not true.  It’s going to get worse before it gets better.

The best part of the premiere episode was the last minute where they showed us what is coming up this season.  It is going to be beyond good. Blogging can be painful with some of these housewives cities, but that will not be the case with Atlanta.  I am excited about the season, excited to blog, and wish all the ladies and heffers well.  I know they will keep it real!

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November 3, 2011 | 11:53 pm

Reality Television Blogging Updates: Abridged

Posted by Ilana Angel

I cannot believe how much reality television there is on right now.  Even more unbelievable, is that I am watching it all.  It’s exhausting, but I’m not willing to give any of it up, so here we go with an abridged update to get me caught up on everything, so I can start next week clear and ready to go.

Dancing With The Stars:  America got it wrong this week.  David Arquette should not have gone home. He was getting better, and totally entertaining, while Hope is a mess, and Maks is an ass.  I want Hope to go next week, then Rob after her.  I am sick of seeing Kardashians on television, but my dislike for Maks trumps that.  Important to note:  I love Justin Bieber.

Top Chef:  They are in Texas this season and if week one is any indication of how the season will be, Yee Haw!  This is a hugely accomplished group, and I cannot believe some of the things they made.  When they sent people home without even giving them an opportunity to cook, I knew we were in for some fabulous television.  I am hooked on this show and will watch weekly.

Survivor: This is the best season ever.  I knew if I hung in it would get good again.  The challenges are predictable, but the backstabbing is fresh.  Ozzy is a putz, Coach is kooky, Albert is divine looking, and Cochran is my personal favorite.  This week’s game changer with Cochran was perfection, I can’t wait to see the fallout next week, and I really hope they don’t kill Cochran.

Real Housewives of Atlanta:  The 4th season with the ladies of Atlanta premieres this weekend, and in anticipation of that, Bravo aired a “before they were housewives” special that was a waste of time.  It did not include all the women, and seemed like a desperate, last minute, time filler. Whatever.  I will be watching on Sunday and know it’s going to be good.

The X Factor:  I love Simon and would watch him on anything.  When Paula commented that there was only one season in London, which is apparently called “miserable”, I was thrilled. They are back.  Nicole is boring and I don’t like her on the show, but LA is cool.  America got it right sending the kids home.  This show won’t get good until they are down to the top five.

The Millionaire Matchmaker:  Patti Stanger is disgusting, and has yet to say anything original this season.  She is recycling jokes from her first season and it’s ridiculous.  Her show makes my skin crawl, and I watched this week just so I could say, with complete conviction, that this woman should not be on television and her show is offensive.  Cancel this show Bravo.

Mad Fashion:  This is an entertaining show and every time I hear Chris March laugh, I find myself smiling.  His team is fun, and their creations are fabulous.  You cannot watch this show and not want them to create something for you.  I love this one and think Chris, as Lisa from RHOBH for Halloween, was simply perfection.  Fun and relaxing television.

Fashion Hunters: I cannot figure out why I am watching this show.  It’s lame and the chicks in the shop are the most annoying women ever.  Karina wanting to buy everything is stupid, Tara being the fake manager is dumb, Ambria is a pathetic girl and her voice grates on my nerves.  Wilson is the only good part of this crap fest.  Not sure I will make it through the season.

I write about reality television here, but I’ve been getting a lot of requests to do a weekly recap of “Revenge”.  I’ve not been watching, but have them all recorded and plan to watch it this weekend.  People really love this show so I’m curious to see what it’s about.  Not sure how I can watch another show, but I’ll try.  I’m a TV addict who watching, blogging, and keeping it real.

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November 1, 2011 | 1:47 am

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills:  Shame. Shame. Shame.

Posted by Ilana Angel

This week started out with Lisa breaking the law, as it is against the law to drive in California without a hands free device on your cell phone.  But there she is, driving around town, holding her phone.  I used to like Lisa, and now I can barely stand the sound of her voice.  Stop driving and talking on the phone.  It’s dangerous.

Lisa is calling everyone, illegally, to see if they are coming to her daughter’s engagement party.  She tells Taylor she can come, but she can’t bring her husband.  Really?  Mohammed’s house is massive and he would never even see Russell.  I think it was rude.  Even more offensive, is that Taylor ordered a $2000 cake for her kid’s 5th birthday.

Really?  At this point her husband is drowning under her excessive spending, but she is having a party for 200 people?  I think Taylor should be ashamed of herself.  I hope she spends part of her days washing Russell’s blood off of her hands.  We then go to Kyle and her mother-in-law, but I’m skipping over it because Kyle is annoying.

Let me get this straight, Taylor and Russell have no money, but she is having a chef cook dinner, then decides to put on an apron, as if she was involved in the preparation?  This chick makes me sick.  I am skipping over every single scene with Russell.  Shame on Bravo for having this man on the show.  It is disgraceful and offensive.

It’s time for Pandora’s embarrassing engagement party and Lisa is worried her son Max won’t come.  If you need to constantly say “he is part of this family”, is the implication not that he does not feel that he is part of the family?  There is a strange vibe between Max and Lisa, and I find it unsettling.  Pandora is clearly her favorite.

Sidebar:  Wearing your trousers hanging low on your ass does not give the wrong impression in West Hollywood Lisa, and your homophobic jokes are lame.  Kim calls to say she is not coming.  Translation:  she is high and does not want to put the crack pipe down.  Lisa gives Pandora a gift, from only her, and does not include Ken in the moment.  Selfish if you ask me.

Over at Mohammed’s house, we discover he is now engaged to his robot girlfriend.  There is a camel at the front door, which is almost as confusing as Pandora wearing a Chanel dress with a Frederick’s of Hollywood purse. Also confusing is why Adrienne has two wings, made out of hair, coming out the side of her head.  Brush your hair!

BEST PART OF THIS SHOW EVER is the mermaid, flopping around at the pool, clearly coming off of a crystal meth high.  I love this chick and want her to come to my next party.  Best guest star ever!  As for the chick that calls her husband Daddy, I think it was probably Bobby but she had so much collagen, she could not pronounce it properly.

Kim is dating a lost brother of Tom Sizemore.  Dear Lord.  No good can come out of dating your dealer.  She met him at the mailbox, which could mean one of two things. 1) He was dropping off her drugs. Or 2) “mailbox” really means “dumpster” and he was looking for some dinner.  Poor guy.  He’s been dating this hot mess for a year!

Kyle getting up on the table at the party, and doing the splits in her ball gown was brutal.  Lisa dismissing Ken from having any role in the engagement party was gross.  Showing Russell is mortifying.  Watching this show is difficult.  It takes Bravo to the gutter, and Kennedy’s birthday party might put me over edge. Time for the ladies to keep it real.

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October 30, 2011 | 5:31 pm

A Conversation with Simon van Kempen

Posted by Ilana Angel

I never thought I would ever have a conversation with Simon van Kempen. Truth be told, I was never really a fan of his or Alex on the Real Housewives of New York City. By not a fan, of course I mean I have been rather sarcastic, and somewhat harsh to this couple.  So you can imagine more than my surprise to talk to Simon, how surprised he must have been to find himself talking with me.

Last week on Twitter, Simon was asked if he had come across any of the current cast filming now in NYC, and if he would appear as a guest. He responded that he had not seen anyone, and would never do a housewife type show again.  I wrote that I thought he lied, and of course he would do another reality show.  After 4 years with a steady paycheck, nobody is walking way that quickly.

Simon wrote back to assure me he would not appear on the housewives again. I then asked him if he was up for an interview.  I was shocked that he said yes.  In fact, when many of his followers took to Twitter to inform him of how evil I was, I half expected him to cancel.  In the end not only did he not cancel, but he called exactly when he said he would, and spoke with me for an hour. He is not what I expected.

Simon van Kempen is articulate and non-confrontational.  He is not concerned with the opinions that people have of him, but it troubles him when people lie.  Whether or not I think he is a liar is irrelevant. He answered questions quickly and without hesitation.  I liked Simon, and I don’t think he lied to me.  He speaks easily and there is a humble undertone to him that I found surprising.

This man has been dragged through the gutter.  He has watched the show alter how people think of him, and that he is able to stay positive is impressive.  I’m sure it hurts his feelings, but at the end of the day he is aware enough to know that no matter what he says, it will be interpreted in the same way someone sees him.  I’ve not changed my mind on how I see the show, but perhaps my idea of Simon has shifted.

Think what you want about Simon, and we all have opinions, I appreciate that even after my not so flattering blogs, he has not blocked me on Twitter, which tends to be quite a popular choice by many of the people associated with Bravo.  The “celebs” of reality television like to block people to avoid negative things appearing on their Twitter.  If nothing else, Simon is not afraid of the good, bad or ugly.

When word spread that he had agreed to an interview with me, people wanted to know if he was still smoking.  Yes.  He’s none too thrilled about it, and wants desperately to quit, but for now he is a smoker.  He does not smoke in the house, so maybe a good winter will be the thing he needs to kick the habit.  Heading out in the cold for a smoke, might be enough to finally help him stop.

From the first season, Simon and Alex did not fit in with the cast.  If it was about housewives in NYC, why was this couple from Brooklyn included?  I had the same opinion of Bethenny in the beginning.  She never should have been on this show and I never got why they were there.  To hear Simon tell the story, he was unclear as to why they were there too.  What became RHONYC was not what they signed up for.

Simon opened a hotel a week after the attacks of 9/11.  It was in Manhattan, and the tragedy was hard on businesses.  In order to keep the doors open, Simon turned to filming as a source of revenue for the hotel.  That led to the venue he managed being used as a location for some reality televisions shows.  Through those contacts, they heard of a show about moms in NYC with kids applying to private schools.

Simon and Alex auditioned for that show. They thought it would be fun, they would meet other young couples, and make a little extra money.  Simon looks back on those early shows and he admits it was a little mortifying, as they were presented in a different light than their real lives.  They were painted as the wannabes, when they were always happy with their lives in Brooklyn, and were not aspiring to be anything else.

It’s interesting that we all watched the first season in NYC and judged Alex and Simon based on a life that clearly was not theirs.  Granted one can blame editing on every unflattering moment on television, but the truth is that we see Simon and Alex in the exact way Bravo wanted us to see them.  The only thing that is clear, is that you need to have a very thick skin in order to survive being on a reality television show.

Simon told me about how he met Alex on match.com and it’s a great story. It’s a whirlwind romance of travel and love.  It seems rather fated that they met, and surprised them both that they got married.  It was a fortunate colliding of two worlds, and to hear Simon tell it is sweet.  He is in a little awe of his good fortune, and how he talks about his wife is enough to make even a jaded blogger’s heart flutter.

Simon was only 5 when his father passed away.  I was 35 when my dad died and I have still not recovered.  To lose a father as a child is crushing.  His dad’s name was Francois Johan, thus his children’s names.  He speaks about the boys in a kind but funny way.  He loves them, and is entertained by them. They go by their formal names, but living in Brooklyn, Simon says the days of Frankie and Jonnie might be near.

Sidebar:  We spoke of Jill Zarin, cyber bullying, anti-Semitism, and Lynn Hudson.  I’ve opted to talk about those things in a separate blog, as this is about Simon, not RHONYC.  I will say that Simon has a love of Israel, and has been there.  He says he is not anti-Semitic and has never made an anti-Semitic remark.  Of course he would never admit it, but in my opinion, Simon does not hates Jews.

Simon does not care if you love him or hate him, just be honest.  He understands that we are all allowed to have an opinion, and those opinions are based on a television show that is based very loosely on reality.  You don’t have to like him, just don’t lie.  So many reality television personalities work hard to control what is said, and Simon was not like that.  He does not sweat what is said, but stands up against the lies that are spread.

I asked Simon to tell met three words to describe himself.  He chose honest, misunderstood, and tall.  When asked to tell me three things to describe what he is not, he went with gay, controlling husband, and bad dad. The Simon that I see on television annoys me.  The Simon I spoke with on the phone is lovely.  The key to reality television viewing is to know the difference between the two.

I stand by all the blogs I have written about the Real Housewives of New York City, as it was my reaction to what I saw.  I write about a non-scripted, scripted television show, not “real” people.  To the real Simon van Kempen however, I want you to know that I thought you were lovely in real life.  As a television personality, you make for fun blogging, but as a man, the love you have for your wife and children is wonderful.

I figure we will see Alex, Simon and the chums on television again.  If they come back talking about how they met online, their kids, his wanting to be the dad he never had, her undying support of the man she loves, and somehow can undo the damage Bravo has done, I think we’ll all be surprised that they are actually a very entertaining couple.  That said, I will still blog, and it may or may not be a love fest.

We’ll see what happens.  In the end I liked Simon.  He could be full of crap, but truth be told, aren’t all celebrities, whether reality or not, full of a little crap?  Don’t they all want fame and glory?  Don’t we all? It’s all perception and whilie I stand by mine, I could be a little off when it comes to Simon and Alex.  I could be wrong, as I’ve been wrong before, but right or wrong, I’m keeping it real.

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October 25, 2011 | 2:14 pm

The Bitchy Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Posted by Ilana Angel

These women continue to embarrass themselves on national television and it’s fascinating.  I said I would not blog about them anymore because they were so pathetic, but there is just too much good stuff.  I have no respect for any of them and if I had to pick one that came off good last night, it would be Brandi.  What does that say about this group?

I’m going with a list of observations rather than a blow by blow recap because I can’t bear the thought of paying such close attention to each minute of this painful hour.

- Adrienne cooking is stupid
- Selling chickens does not qualify you to cook chickens
- Washing the chicken with soap is scripted
- Can anyone really be this dumb?
- Who keeps onions pealed on a plate in the fridge?
- Chef Bernie is hilarious
- Adrienne looks like Barbara Eden
- Lisa is not funny
- Taylor’s mouth is simply too big
- Kyle is a bitch
- A million sorry tweets are lame
- Dana is underused and wasted on this show
- Mohammed’s house is stupid
- Mohammed’s hair is stupid
- Mohammed’s girlfriend is stupid
- Adrienne’s spa is fabulous
- Strawberries on a plastic fork looks silly not fancy
- Kyle is evil deep down inside
- Just kidding
- Not really
- Adrienne would not have stopped the fight between Brandi and Kyle
- Who goes to the spa in full makeup?
- Do any of these women have real eyelashes?
- Why did Camille peek around the corner before going upstairs?
- Why did Lisa take a friend?
- Kim does not use crystal meth
- She is clearly a coke head
- And also an alcoholic
- And probably has a medicinal pot card
- Kyle went on the trampoline so her sister would not look lame
- Kyle protecting her sister makes me like Kyle
- I’m over liking Kyle now
- I like Brandi
- Brandi has balls to go anywhere with these chicks
- I don’t mind a chick with the vocabulary of a sailor
- I have been known to speak like a sailor
- I like Camille
- Camille and Brandi should be friends
- Camille is trying to gain weight
- I don’t like Camille anymore
- I want a tanning machine in my home
- Adrienne as the peacekeeper is lame
- Discussing your children’s therapy on television is not cool
- Brandi did not need to apologize for anything
- The bullying of Brandi is crazy
- Kim is high
- Kim is always high
- Kyle is two faced
- Lisa likes to stir the pot
- If we can put men on the moon, can’t we shrink Taylor’s mouth?
- You can fight with crazy
- Brandi is a sweet girl, shame she agreed to this show
- Brandi apologizing is sad
- Kyle needs to stop defending her sister
- Adrienne needs to stop interpreting for Brandi
- Kyle is still not apologizing
- Kyle is a bitch
- Why is Lisa standing there?
- Kyle is a hypocrite
- I’m on Brandi’s side
- Lisa is ridiculous
- I love the F bombs

These women are embarrassing to women.  It’s high school all over again.  To see that they are showing Russell next week is heartbreaking.  He’s dead, cannot defend himself, and on Halloween they are going to bring his ghost back?  Can he not rest in peace?  I’m over this show and of all the housewives, in all the cities, these people don’t know how to keep it real.

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