March 14, 2013 | 11:17 am

The Shahs of Sunset – The Rise and Fall of Reza

Posted by Ilana Angel

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I have been very fair in my blogging of The Shahs of Sunset.  I liked them season one, interviewed a few of them, and watched with delight as they made their way through reality TV stardom.   They were funny, fresh, didn’t take themselves too seriously, were proud of their heritage, and owned all the stereotypes placed on them with laughter and indifference. They were simply good television.

When a Persian scholar trashed them in a blog, right here in The Jewish Journal, I came to their defense and suggested she not take it so seriously. I didn’t think they were harming how Persians are viewed, and while I’m not Persian, they are harmless in terms of making the world judge Persians. I give credit to the viewer.  We love reality TV and know better.

By season two I thought they were silly, and wrote as much.  They got mean to each other, embarrassed themselves, and got ugly.  They let fame go to their heads and it is a real shame.  I was not shy about blogging the show the way I saw it, and while I was certainly blunt, the underlying message was that I liked them and hoped they turned it around.

I follow them on Twitter and certainly have favorites.  I liked Sammy and was disappointed he was not a featured player season two.  I think Lily is useless, Asa is delusional, GG needs to walk away, Mike is invisible, MJ is perfect TV, and Reza was, by the end of season two, a complete douchelord who became everything that is bad about reality TV.

Reza used to follow me on Twitter.  We even tweeted back and forth. When I loved him, he loved me back.  After I wrote my final blog on the season, he blocked me on Twitter.  He posted a pic of him having lunch with MJ and I called bullshit.  I thought the picture must have been old because why would MJ be out with him after what he did to her on the reunion?

It was calculated to post the pic on the same day that we were watching him kill her on television. He was truly horrific to MJ on part two of the reunion and I was sad for her.  She sat there and took it, owned a lot of it, and watched as her friend of twenty years called her an addict, convicted felon, and overall disgusting human being.  Reza was hurtful and shameful.

Not only did he block me, but he tweeted that my commenting on the picture being lame was planted by MJ.  What happened to Reza?  He is now a ego driven asshole who is unwilling to face the facts.  The fact of the matter is that Reza was beloved in the beginning and is a laughing stock now.  People thought he was special but have now lost all respect for him.

The storyline of his family was compelling and brought tears to my eyes. It taught lessons of tolerance, forgiveness and acceptance.  He was on the fast track to being a superstar and could have written his own ticket to fame and fortune.  I think he knows he has blown it so rather than try to fix it, he is going to be a bully and a baby to anyone who calls him out.

I have mocked the insanity of Diamond Water, but I am not blocked by Asa. I have said Mike is not needed on the show, but I am not blocked by Mike.  I have said a lot of stuff about all of them, yet Reza is the only one to block me.  That says more about Reza than it does about me.  I have respect for those who have not blocked because it shows maturity.

At the end of the day who cares?  They will get another season, and I will watch, so whether Reza is following me makes no difference in what I blog, or how I blog.  What it does however, is cause me to think he is immature and ridiculous.  If a writer goes from liking you to mocking you, a mature person would want to turn it around, not be more obnoxious.

Reza was horrible on this season and truly disgusting on the reunion shows. He got ugly, mean, and aggressive.  Just own it and move on.  I don’t care what Reza thinks of me, but he should care what I think of him.  Don’t underestimate the power of a blog.  I speak for many when I say we loved you, now don’t, but are willing to stick it out until you snap back.

We have watched many people crash and burn from the experience of being on reality television.  We forget about them and wait for the next bunch of wannabes.  In the case of Reza, he needs to know that we will forgive him for being an asshole if he stops being an asshole.  It is stressful and we get it, but the time has come Reza to grow up and get back to keeping it real.

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March 12, 2013 | 10:11 pm

Is Faye Resnick the Most Hated Woman on Reality TV?

Posted by Ilana Angel

Faye Resnick

I am not a fan of Faye Resnick.  In fact, I think you’d be hard pressed to find a fan of Resnick.  She is uninteresting, unattractive, and unwelcome when it comes to my television.  I think Faye Resnick is a hag.  By hag of course I mean a whore who danced on the grave of her friend to have 15 minutes of fame.  Damn Kyle Richards for bringing this bitch to Bravo.  If they keep forcing this woman on us there will be a mutiny. 

Faye is not one of the tribe.  She may have married a Jew, but she is not Jewish.  Thank God because Jews on reality television are always somewhat weird and she would ruin it for all aspiring Jewish reality personalities.  It would be death by association.  You’re a Jew? Like Faye? Sorry, we don’t need you.  I’m telling you, we have barely recovered from Jill Zarin so Faye would set us back, but alas she is not a Jew. 

Sidebar:  I love Jill Zarin. Jill is a quintessential Jewish New Yorker and I miss her on Real Housewives of New York City.  She was controversial to be sure, but she made really good TV.   Bravo should consider bringing Jill back.  She is unpredictable, and also probably a little bitter, which would be brilliant. Bethenny is a pathological lying whore that slept her way to the top and she killed Jill, but she’s gone, so bring Jill back. Love her or hate her, she brings in ratings.  In fact, I bet Bravo gains a viewer with Jill for every one they lose because of Faye.

Back to Faye, she cannot possibly think we want her on TV.  We can’t stand her friend Vile so why would we embrace her?  She is pathetic.  I will say that she looks pretty good for 56. I am not sure if she is black or white, made out of plastic or flesh, but for almost 60, not bad for a hag.  The only reason people even know who she is, is because she danced on the grave of Nicole Brown Simpson to make a few dollars. She’s repulsive.

Faye has some kind of a hard on for Brandi Glanville and takes every opportunity to sling crap at her.  She is probably doing the dirty work for Vile, but still, her hatred and jealousy of Brandi is palpable.  Important to note that Brandi describes Faye as a “chick with a dick” so it is possible that she does in fact have a hard on for Brandi.  Brandi is younger, prettier, richer and funnier than Faye, and that makes her angry.

Faye should be friends with LeAnn Rimes.  1) LeAnn pays for friends, so that could be good for Faye. 2) LeAnn is slightly more unfortunate looking than Faye so Faye would be the pretty one when they went out.  3) They can take comfort in knowing that they are two of the most hated women in America. 4) They could take turns reading my blogs about how wretched they are to each other to see who I am meaner too.  Shame they can’t read.

In reading up about Faye, it would appear that she suffers from the same pathological lying disease as Bethenny.  She says she was a director of a modeling school, yet the school has no record of her employment.  She has been married and divorced three times, the last time to a Jew.  She is in recovery for addiction to cocaine. It was Nicole Brown Simpson who helped get Faye into rehab.  I must say that really pisses me off.

The woman who helped get her sober, was murdered, and Faye used her death as a stepping stone to 15 minutes of fame.  In my opinion, she danced on the grave of her friend for money and that is just dirty.  She also wrote two books on the OJ Killings.  By wrote of course I mean someone wrote them for her because I don’t think she can read.  She also posed for Playboy. I like Playboy and Resnick tarnishes their reputation to me.

Faye Resnick has me all riled up.  Her attacks on Brandi are ridiculous.  I would like to think she is digging her own grave and will disappear eventually, but Bravo has no respect for their viewers so they might not be getting the message.  Let me spell it out for them:  Faye Resnick is a stupid whore and we don’t want to see her on our televisions anymore.  Important to note I mean no disrespect to all the wonderful whores in the world.

I’m guessing someone will read this blog to Ms. Resnick and she will get a lawyer friend of hers to send me a letter.  If she takes my advice, I’m sure LeAnn’s lawyer will give them a deal and they can get a twofer.  I will be ready with my keyboard in hand on Monday when Faye goes after Brandi. Ms. Glanville is someone I met though work, but happily call friend.  She is lovely and I will cut a bitch who messes with my friends.

Faye Resnick, much like her pathetic friend Kyle, sucks the joy out of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She does not belong there, brings nothing of value, and actually inspires a physical reaction from me.  I go back and forth between wanting punch her and cut myself. Is Faye Resnick the most hated woman on reality television?  Yes. Yes she is.  I will be back on Monday to share my opinion and you can bet I’ll be keeping it real.

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March 11, 2013 | 7:40 pm

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - All About Kyle

Posted by Ilana Angel

This week we are finishing up the trip to Paris.  They are going on a sunset cruise along the Seine and it is magnificent.  Except for Kyle being there, it is magnificent.  Everyone seems to be having a nice time, Kim is once again lucid and it is all rather boring.  Yolanda gives Brandi a gift and it is lovely. She gave her some fabulous shoes, but says it was because she was lonely and without a man.  Kim is manless too, so why not shoes for her?  It seems odd to give only one person a gift but whatever, she is a foreigner.

Paris ends with Brandi and Kim being friends, Lisa agreeing to renew her wedding vows with Ken, Yolanda being adorable, Giggy being perfection, and Kyle and Mauricio being disgusting.  Everyone is back in Beverly Hills and Marisa is on a scripted visit with Kyle. Turns out she is a real estate agent. Did we know that?  She is there to have Mauricio co-list her in-law’s home for sale.  Kyle is telling her he will gladly “help” her, but you can see the dollar signs flashing before Kyle’s eyes.  Such a fame and money whore.

Kevin Lee is back to help Lisa with her housewarming/vow renewal.  He is great TV and it will be fun to have him around for a couple of weeks.  I love a good party so this should be fun.  By fun of course I mean Faye Resnick will not be invited.  I think Faye Resnick is wretched.  She is a hideous and whorish freak.  I take offense to he being on this show when so many have expressed their hatred of her.  Bravo sucks sometimes.  By sometimes of course I mean every time they put Faye on my television.  Epic fail.

Yolanda is doing a photo shoot with David for a magazine.  Blah, blah, blah. She is really into making him happy and doing what he wants and I actually like it.  In the case of Porsha in Atlanta, she is the same but only because he makes her, whereas Yolanda does is because she wants to.  I like her. Not sure I get her, but I like her.  She has massive balls but manages to control herself and not get ugly when faced with crap from the bitch brigade. Yolanda is a pretty girl and looks much better with her bangs down.

Mauricio is at the home Marisa’s in-laws.  We get a tour and it’s lovely, but who cares? This is not a real estate show, so why shove Mauricio and his stupid ass down our throats? Marias is a namedropper and a fame whore who wants to be on TV and get laid by someone other than her husband.  There is nothing interesting about Marisa or the sale of this house.  It grosses me out that Kyle will make even more money. She really does make me angry. God bless her for her success, but seriously, I am not a fan.

Vile is shopping for inventory for her store and I am done with her.  I am 23 minutes in and on my second drink.  Not bad really but when you take into account I still have to blog The Bachelor finale, this could get real rough, real fast.  Talking about rough, Taylor is off to have a drink with Dana.  It appears to be mid morning and Dana is hammered.  It is so funny.  I mean sad, but really I mean funny.  Her dress is dirty, she is wasted, and I feel bad for her.  Not bad enough to care about her, but still bad.

Dana is single because her man dumped her lying, drunk ass.  Taylor tells her she is not dating anyone, but she is, so clearly she feels the need to protect her life from Drunky McDrunkerson.   Dana spoke of how she self made but she seems to be suffering at the lost of his money.  She then talks about hating Brandi but she is so disgusting and pathetic I am too busy laughing at her to care about her.  She lights a cigarette out of a candle and refers to herself as part of the group, which means she is insane.

Kyle is opening her store and getting ready along with her four daughters and her offensive husband.  She is picking a dress and I am skipping over it. I find everything about Kyle to be for show only. She calls Kim but I’m not listening.  I am skipping over it while I pour myself another margarita.  She is at her store now and keeps talking about how it is her name on the door, but there is also another chicks name on the door.  Kyle is an idiot. Everyone arrives to her opening and I just can’t be happy for her.  Sorry.

Taylor talks to Yolanda and I love Yolanda as much as I cannot stand Taylor. Taylor must go.  Taylor is a moron and her explanation of not liking David is lame.  Taylor thinks she is being fabulous, but Yolanda insists she is being fake, but she takes the apology.  Interesting.  Who cares about these two? Anyone?  Anyone?  Camille stops by for no reason and Adrienne arrives with her sperm donor.  Adrienne tries to run her fingers through her own hair but it ain’t happening, which is hilarious. Adrienne is a troll.

Kyle does a series of fake poses for the ribbon cutting and I am laughing. Faye the whore kisses her so she can be in a few pictures, then Kyle takes Kim off for a scripted chat in the middle of her store opening.  Kim says she was wasted in Paris because she took the wrong pill and I am calling bullshit. Kim is lucid and speaks beautifully, but Kyle makes it all about her again and starts to cry.  I cannot stand Kyle Richards.  Kim is a liar and Kyle is mentally deficient so why are these two losers on this show at all?

The fake conversation between the Kim and Vile is going on and on for far too long.  Kim is talking about her struggles and Kyle makes it all about how hard it is for her to think something will happen to Kim all the time.  Kyle, Kyle, Kyle.  Blah, blah, blah.  All the housewives leave while Kim and Kyle chat about Kyle.  Bad editing.  Cut to a look at next week’s show and let me just say I am going to cut a bitch when it comes to Faye next week. I am going to go after Faye with the power of a blog.  Buckle up.

Faye is going to attack Brandi while Adrienne continues to castrate Paul, and I am going to have a field day.  I love me some Brandi Glanville and I am not going to let Faye’s crapfest go bye without commenting.  I think Adrienne Maloof is a plastic freak and so when she goes after Paul, who I am not a fan of either, I will let her have it too.  Why? Because I can.  It’s my blog and that is how I roll.  This show is getting good, but I am now a little tipsy and still have a blog to go tonight. Cheers to keeping it real.

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March 11, 2013 | 4:52 pm

Celebrity Apprentice Week Two Recap

Posted by Ilana Angel

Two hours a week of this show is too much.  It is a great show, and I love it, but two hours is ridiculous.  With all the recapping, and an hour in the boardroom, I can’t live blog it because I get bored.  I’d rather blog it a day later so I can fast forward over all the wasted time.  Not much interesting happened this week other than La Toya Jackson proving she is wretched. This blog is to call out Jackson for being a bitch.

Omarosa and Dee Snider are Project Managers this week.  They are all taking Trump’s private jet to Universal Studios Orlando to do some lame task.  Trace is not going as he has a previous commitment.  He gives over $670K to The American Red Cross and it is lovely.  As ridiculous as this show can be, there is nothing like it in terms of charity so bless Trump and his ego for allowing it to be about helping people and not just how fabulous he is.

Omarosa is on fire and she is taking no prisoners.  Everyone is throwing her under the bus and the task has not even started.  Omarosa tells the camera you never have to worry about her stabbing you in the back because she will come at you from the front.  I love her in the same way I love NeNe Leakes. They are too big and too fabulous for reality TV.  People hate her because she is easy to hate, but I love her because she is good TV.

Important to note that I think Stephen Baldwin is a douchelord.  It’s not important really, I just want to make it clear that I think he is a complete asshole.  I don’t really care about the task but I think Omarosa is beautiful and I love that everyone is scared of her.  She knows what needs to be done and she is going to kill it.  With any luck she’ll kill some of the dumb bitches on her team along the way. La Toya Jackson is truly horrible.

Jackson is not talented and has never done anything other than be a Jackson. I cannot stand her and it is a shame because I thought she was lovely on her season, but here she is wretched.  Omarosa throws Rodman under the bus to embarrass him but in the end he pulls out a great question that will ultimately win them the task.  Over on Dee’s team, Penn is trying to take over like he always does, and we know already he will lose.

I think Gary Busey is perfection and I hate it when people talk crap about him. Gary is harmless, adorable, means well, and has a big heart.  Marilu Henner better step back off Mr. Busey or I will go after her.  She loves the sound of her own voice, which is annoying.  How in the hell is she still considered a celebrity?  Her show was on TV a hundred years ago. I’m not into her, the model, the Playboy chick, or Lisa Rinna.  All useless.

I am watching the clock and there are a total of 27 minutes where nothing interesting happens or is said. Not one thing.  I could skip to the boardroom, but that crap is an hour long and it is hard to sit through.  If this show were only an hour long it would be perfect.  Honestly, this is not an interesting group and hanging out for an hour of the task to get one or two entertaining thins is stupid.  Am I complaining too much?  I think it is time for a drink.

Omarosa is building exactly what the executives from Universal wanted, while Dee is doing nothing special or impressive.  Omarosa is cool but forceful while Dee is lovely but naïve.  Everyone is now talking garbage about Omarosa.  If these morons had any sense they would befriend her, not hate on her.  La Toya Jackson is a mutant and so it makes sense that she is in charge of the Spiderman portion of their interactive display.

The guests arrive and Gary is perfect, while Marilu is annoying.  Why would I want to pose with a cutout of a “celebrity” when they are there?  Stupid. Omarosa’s display is much more fun and vent though she does not seem to care about the world Orlando being hidden, you know she will win.  I want to punch Marilu in the face.  Not really.  I’m kidding.  It would be more of a slap than a punch. Not really.  I’m kidding.  Kidding. Not kidding.

We are one hour and thirteen minutes, and finally in the boardroom.  Those Trump boys sure are handsome.  The Donald not so much, but the boys are yummy, yummy ding dong.  Marilu is mean to Gary and it hurts his feelings, but he is gracious and kind in his response.  Trump is having a weird love affair with Omarosa and it is so creepy it actually works.  I want Omarosa to win the whole thing. The haters on her team can kiss her ass.

There is a strange moment with Rodman when he says his mother is horrible. I didn’t get it, but my reaction was is to like Rodman more. His is a mess, but I feel for him and think he is misunderstood.  The winner is announced and it is Omarosa.  She bursts into tears because she is playing for the favorite charity of her fiancé Michael Clark Duncan who passed away.  I loved Mr. Duncan and was honored to have met him, so I wanted her to win.

She loved him, they had a wonderful relationship, and she kept him alive when her fell ill.  It was heartbreaking when he died and my heart breaks for her.  It was important and really mattered to her.  Her falling apart was really lovely and while people mocked her and thought it was fake, I thought it was beautiful and Michael would be very proud of her. Just as I wipe a tear, I am brought back to hell by the offensive La Toya Jackson.

In the Trump suite, Omarosa is visibly shaken and La Toya comes to her aid. She is supportive and comforting, while bringing her a drink to relax her nerves. Sidebar:  I get that Omarosa is crying hysterically with no tears, but I am overlooking it because I love Michael.  Don’t judge me.  Cut to La Toya who says Omarosa is milking Michael’s death and using it for sympathy. LaToya Jackson is a horrible person and she needs to shut up.

I am now on a witch hunt for Ms. Jackson.  She will pull all kinds of Michael crap out when she has the opportunity and will milk him as that is all she has. Omarosa lost her fiancé and the reaction to her win was lovely so bite me LaToya.  Ms. Jackson because you’re nasty.  Dee is sent home and it is a shame because he is really great.  I’ll be back next week, watching Sunday but blogging Monday.  A good margarita should help me keep it real.

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March 11, 2013 | 3:32 pm

Mob Wives is Getting Better Each Week

Posted by Ilana Angel

Karen Gravano

It’s Christmastime in Staten Island and Big Ang is having a very pink Christmas dinner. Love is sitting this one out because is sick with the flu and Renee is not coming because she is not ready to deal with Carla and the drama so close to getting out of rehab.  Drita, Karen, Ramona and Carla are in for dinner.   I am not a fan of Carla and wish she had the flu.

The music on this show is perfection and we are off and running.  The pink Christmas tree is over the top and as funny as it is fabulous.  Drita arrives and Ang lets her know Ramona is getting married to her boyfriend before he gores away for twenty years.  Karen and Ramona arrive but Carla is running late.  I guess it takes longer to get ready when you are a bitter bitch.

Nobody is disappointed in Carla being late.  Ang is serving lobster, which is an interesting Christmas selection.  They start eating rather than wait, but then Carla strolls in and the room goes silent.  Carla is a rotten apple in the beautiful pie that is Mob Wives.  Carla is thrilled Renee is not there and I am now even angrier with Carla.  Who is this chick? She is nobody.

Ang collects knives off the table so Carla doesn’t get any ideas.  Everyone is silent until Karen breaks the ice.  She tells Carla Renee did not come because of her, and Carla defends herself saying she was never going to stab Renee, it was just a knife in her hands.  Ang wants peace in her home, Drita is trying to be neutral, and Karen and Ramona are coming to Renee’s defense.

Then Carla loses her mind and says that the fight with Renee nudged her to go to rehab.  Did Carla just take credit for Renee going to rehab?  Carla is an idiot. Drita steps in as the mediator and confirms that Carla was out of line. Karen and Ramona are out.  Carla does not get why everyone is mad at her.  She is not only delusional, but she is also really stupid.

Karen and Ramona are off to Arizona to meet the new girlfriend of Karen’s ex.  I feel for Karen.  Turns out her ex Dave is not living in her house like she thought.  He has moved in with his girlfriend and left her house unattended with just her dog there.  Karen is feeling disrespected as a mother and I agree with her.  Ramona is not helping out Karen’s stress.

Back on Staten Island, Renee has invited Drita, Ang and Love over.  She is surprising them with a trip to look at guard dogs.  Renee wants a dog so that should someone come to retaliate against her and her son, she has protection.  Really?  Will a bullet not kill a dog too?  I don’t think a dog will help her, but whatever.  Love is the best thing about this show.

Love says she will kill anyone who tries to break into her house.  Drita says the screaming in Renee’s house with scare the dog and render him useless. These chicks are awesome.  They are off to see dogs while Karen is snooping through her own house.  Her house is beautiful, and she looks good with the lighter hair, but this trip is not going to be a happy visit.

Karen’s daughter comes to see her mom and it is sad.  Karen is asking questions about her life and Karina is defensive and not into talking about it. She says she talks about her problems with her dad’s new whore.  Karen starts to cry and it is crushing.  She feels she is being left out as the mom and it breaks her heart.  Dave arrives and is surprised to see Karen.

Renee is in a scene from Deliverance looking at dogs and it is a bit lame. She’s not getting a dog and this is a waste of time.  None of the girls are into the dogs and Love is hilarious because she says if a dog bites her, she will bite him back.  I’m not into the dogs and so I am skipping past it.  This is lame, bullets kill dogs, and I feel bad for the beautiful animals.

Dave is talking to Karen and she is upset and getting angry.  Dave lets Karen know he does not live there anymore and only comes by to check on the dog. Sad for the dog.  Dave was in prison for ten years and he is looking for peace and wants no drama.  Karen could care less and she wants answers and respect.  I am loving Karen on this episode.  Good for her.

Dave is going to set up a meeting with Karen and his girlfriend Rebecca. Ramona says she thinks Karen and Dave could get back together.  Is Ramona high?  Karen has moved on and Ramona has lost her mind.  Karen needs to cut ties with Arizona and take her daughter to New York permanently.  It will be interesting to meet Rebecca.  I’m very curious about her.

Drita takes Carla to see her new store. She will sell her makeup line and I am excited for her.  I like Drita and I hope she and Lee make it work.  Drita is adorable.  To be clear, she scares the crap out of me, but I love her.  The store is a new beginning for her.  She has cleaned her slate and is starting over with a new life for herself and her family.  Bravo Drita.

Karen shares that her dad was in the witness protection program but he left and started a new life in Arizona.  He started a pool business and was successful and legitimate.  She is very open about their mob related life and it is fascinating.  Her dad was doing great when Karen, her brother, and Dave got busted for running an ecstasy ring.  All hell broke loose.

Karen got off, Dave and her brother got 10 years, and her dad took the blame and was sent away.  He took the fall for his kids and it is a remarkable story.  Her dad is rotting in prison and the responsibility eats away at Karen. Their lives are very complicated and while scary, I want more.  These girls seriously intimidate me, and I’m not intimidated by anyone.

It is Carla’s birthday so she is out to celebrate with Drita and Ang, along with other friends.  She needs to bring in other friends because nobody else can stand her.  We learn she has a boyfriend but until we see him, he is nothing.  She talks about moving on but the truth is she still loves her husband and she wants him back.  It is painfully obvious.

Karen is meeting with her brother about getting their dad out of prison. Her dad spent 7 years in solitary confinement, which is amazing.  Apparently there were some mistakes made with his sentencing and it could be possible that he could be released.  Karen’s dad is serious mafia and even though we’ll never know what he did in his life, I hope they get him out.

These women are fascinating and I am now interested in reading Karen’s book.  I never really got her and was not a fan, but watching her cry in Arizona, and learning of her dad going away to save her, I am fascinated. These chicks are good television and I am reinvested in this show.  Can’t wait to see what happens with Sammy.  These chicks are keeping it real.

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March 11, 2013 | 7:59 am

The Real Housewives of Atlanta in Sin City

Posted by Ilana Angel

NeNe is done with the ladies in Los Angeles so they are heading to Las Vegas.  Nene is sending them on a bus, a nice bus, but still a bus.  She is flying to meet them.   NeNe says she is going first class but the truth is the flight is about 45 minutes and unless she flew private, first class does not apply.  Funny though that Nene wants to make it sound all special.

The girls are packing up and we see Cynthia’s real hair.  Interesting. I know there are wigs and weaves on this show, but I thought her real hair looked beautiful.  Kenya is pissed off about Phaedra being a bitch while Kandi is talking to Todd and could care less about anything.  By care less of course I mean she starts drama, but she is not stirring at the moment,

Kenya is growing on me.  Much like a fungus, she is spreading and gaining strength.  While I think she is completely crazy, the chicks are pushing her off the ledge.  She may not be as cray cray as we all thought.  Poor girl.  I like her.  Important to note I reserve the right to change my mind at any given moment, for no apparent reason, but right now I like her.

Phaedra is a bitch.  She can tell us she is a southern belle until the cows come home, but she is not.  She is a mean, bitter, bitch.  For real.  Also, her boobs bug me.  She has those little peanuts pushed up to within an inch of their lives.  I don’t know how she manages but she should just get a boob job and take the pressure off.  Literally.  They have no circulation.

Kenya is trying to make the bus ride fun but it is lame.  They do impersonations of each other and it is not funny.  Kandi is bored, Cynthia is dumb, Kenya is passive aggressive, Phaedra is a bitch, and Porsha is scared. These women on a bus is enough to make me drink.  Actually, I started drinking long before they got on the bus, so it could get messy.

Cynthia wants to go to The Crazy Horse and plays dumb about not knowing it is a strip club.  Phaedra makes up words as she tells us nudity is biblical. Kenya is killing herself to make the painfully long ride fun, and Kandi is a pig as she talks about sex and bowel movements.  They stop for gas and even though we are only ten minutes in, I’m about done already.

NeNe arrives in Vegas and they are staying at Planet Hollywood.  Really?  Is that the only place that would comp Bravo?  Nene is escorted up by a hotel rep and 2 security guards.  So lame.  Meanwhile back on the bus, Porsha gets pickles and ice cream as a snack but does not want to talk about possibly being pregnant.  Porsha truly is a dumb girl.  Bless her.

Phaedra says the easiest way to find out if you are pregnant is to give your pee to a rabbit.  If it dies, you are pregnant.  That is the easiest way? Kenya translates giving a rabbit pee to actually peeing on a rabbit and I am peeing myself.  It could be the wine, but these girls are insane.  Dumb is funny and so I am laughing my ass off.  The ladies hook up with NeNe.

Everyone is dolled up and heading out for a night on the town.  Nene is refreshed and rested, while the others are dragging their asses out after a full day on the bus.  They are off to see strippers and Porsha is not going. She thinks it will upset her boss, I mean husband, so she is not going.  It’s very odd.  She got dressed up drop them off at the club?  Yup.

Strip clubs make Porsha sad so she is out.  Cynthia is wearing the most fabulous wig, and everyone is judging Porsha.  Here’s the thing, strip clubs are not my thing.  Why not go see men strip?  Phaedra is drooling over the beautifully manicured vag, while Kandi and Kenya look like they might want to take a dip in the lady pond.  NeNe is reliving her time as a stripper.

I love NeNe and to hear her talk about her stripping days with pride is really something. She may not have been proud to do it then, but it has contributed to who she is now and I love that.  NeNe is preaching the truth while everyone dumps all over Porsha and her subservient life with her husband.  I think it is s a choice for Porsha not a prison sentence.

Sidebar:  Bravo shows us a commercial for the new show “Married to Medicine”.  It is about another group of women in Atlanta, only they are all doctors or married to doctors.  Please God, let them be a huge hit so the housewives of Atlanta are cancelled.  These chicks have run their course and it is time for them to go away.  Give NeNe a show and lose the rest.

Come morning, Cynthia is dressed like a hooker that just got off work, and Porsha is getting her make up done while she talks to her boss.  I mean husband.  Cynthia is stirring up trouble and Phaedra wants us to know she is the perfect woman.  If she says “child” one more time I will scream.  Cynthia is gossiping and Nene is not buying it.  She thinks Porsha is controlled.

They are off to play showgirl and NeNe tells Porsha they are all concerned for her.  Porsha tells them she is a Christian and strip clubs are against her faith.  Really?  I know a lot of God fearing Christian girls who strip to support their families.  Porsha is an idiot.  Don’t pull the faith card moron. Porsha is out of her league and these women will eat her alive.

Porsha says she is proud of her boss for “letting” her go on the trip. Kenya mocks the “letting” and Porsha lets us know that if Kenya let a man take care of her, maybe she’d have a man.  Phaedra lets us know not everyone can be a doctor or a lawyer and it is dummies that make the world go around.  Phaedra is a lawyer and a complete dummy.  Bless her.

NeNe is trying to empower Porsha and she would have been more successful had she done it one-on-one, not in the group of losers.  It is driving me nuts that Kandi’s hair keeps changing during her interviews.  Bravo makes me angry.  They are still all talking about Porsha, she is understandably upset, and I am bored.  I feel like this episode is three hours long.

Kandi is looking at engagement rings and Kenya wants to kill herself. Perfection.  Poor Kenya.  Surely she can find a nice man.  Anyone? Anyone? Cynthia is riding a bull and we see that Bravo is squeezing out another episode of Vanderpump Rules.  Really?  This is the dumbest show on television and it needs to die already.  I’m so over those losers.

Kandi is having a sex toy party and I am roiling my eyes.  She is whoring out her business and it is so stupid.  Who cares?  Nobody is interested and you have to wonder when Bravo will learn that they are scraping the bottom of the barrel with these chicks.  No Nene, no show, and even Nene can’t make these girls interesting enough to fill an hour a week.

Kandi gives Porsha a pregnancy test but she is not interested.  She will share the moment with her husband on camera, not with the ladies on camera. They are trying to eat strawberries in a sexy way and I am mortified for them. Their kids will see this, but that does not seem to limit thee women.  The strawberry scene is just too much. Phaedra brings up Walter.

Kenya is minding her business and Phaedra brings up Walter only to hurt her. Kenya is not a happy girl.  Phaedra says it is always drama with Kenya, unwilling to take any of the responsibility for the drama.  They are playing a secret question game and Kenya makes it all about her and Phaedra.  Kenya wants to know why Phaedra is so mean to her all the time.

Commercials for Don’t Be Tardy make me want to kill myself.  Phaedra and Kenya are going at it. I’m on Kenya’s side in this fight.  Kenya tells Phaedra she cut her to the white meat.  What?   Phaedra asks Kenya if she wants an apology and Kenya says no.  Was the point not to get an apology?   I watch this show because I’m addicted, not because they are keeping it real.

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March 5, 2013 | 7:02 pm

All Star Celebrity Apprentice – Bret Michaels Crashes

Posted by Ilana Angel

I was planning to watch and not blog, but it is just too good to not have my say.  Not a lot of celebrities, but with Donald Trump at the helm, and his delusional view of his own celebrity on display, the cast makes sense.  This is not an interesting group, but they are good television. By good television of course I mean watching them humiliate themselves is perfection.

The cast is as follows: Trace Adkins, Stephen Baldwin, Gary Busey, Penn Jillette, Lil Jon, Bret Michaels, Dennis Rodman, Dee Snider, Marilu Henner, La Toya Jackson, Claudia Jordan, Omarosa, Lisa Rinna, Brande Roderick. Really?  This is a pathetic group and while I like some of them as people, labeling some of them celebrities, when they are simply famous, is lame.

Trump opens by asking everyone why they came back.  Brande says she is raising money for abused children, then says she is going to kiss ass.  Really? That was an unfortunate response.  Lisa is botoxed within an inch of her life and it is frightening.  Trump does not understand why Bret would come back when he left a champion, and you just know he is going home first.

Bret and Trace are chosen to select their teams and the picking begins. Bret starts out by selecting Omarosa.  Wow.  He is really very dumb.  Bless him. I think his wearing a bandana with fake hair sewn in it is squeezing his brain.  Dennis is the last one chosen and it is sad.  He walks over to Claudia and tells her it is fate they are together.  She is mortified.

Trace calls his team “Plan B” and Bret goes with team “Power”.  The selecting of the team name shows us immediately who is crazy, who is delusional, who is an idiot, and who is going to regret they ever agreed to do this again. Trace is the Project Manager for the first task and Brande takes the lead for her team.  Big mistake for Bret to give up the power. Dumbass.

Judging with Trump are Piers Morgan and Ivanka.  Piers is a douchebag and immediately goes after Omarosa.  She fires back then throws Bret under the bus for not being Project Manager. The challenge is to sell meatballs and the winner is determined by who raises the most money.  Bret is regretting his decision to relinquish control and the battle beings.  Here we go people.

La Toya is mad that Omarosa is there because she is not a celebrity.  Really? Is La Toya Jackson a celebrity?  No. She is not.  Trace decides to not open their meatball shop to the public, but only sell to his big donor friends. Lisa is using her husband’s meatball recipe and makes it a whole sexual thing about hairy balls.  Not something that makes me want to have a taste.

Dennis is not being used for anything and is basically dismissed by the group. Stephen does not want to raise money for anyone but himself.  Trace is talking to model Niki Taylor but calls her Taylor, which I’m guessing was a feeble attempt to make us think he is talking to country singer Taylor Swift, seeing as he is a country singer.  Such a lame thing to do.

The teams go to the set of Live with Kelly and Michael so they can taste the meatballs and select their favorite.  The team they pick wins an additional $20K.  Lil Jon presents a vegetarian meatball, which I love.  They put truffle oil on it because apparently truffle oil can make crap taste good.  The sexual innuendos about the meatballs by Penn, are not appreciated by the audience.

Omarosa is talking about getting rid of Bret and says the teachings of the bible allow her to trample him.  Interesting interpretation of scripture.  The money starts coming in for both teams.  Brande is scrambling to get bodies and her donors through the door, while Trace is not selling to the public and waiting on bug checks.  Obviously Trace is going to win.

This show is predictable, the music is funny, and even though they try to fake us out, we have been watching for years and we know how it will go down.  This show is mindless fun and I find myself laughing a lot of the time. By laughing of course I mean I am laughing at these people, not with them.  It really is silly fun and while I’m not sure I’ll blog every week, I am watching.

Actual celebrities are coming through Trace’s shop and giving big money, while smaller amounts but more people are stopping by Brande’s store. Omarosa is in charge of the money and she is thrilled about every dollar, unless it comes from a friend of Bret’s.  She is on a mission to destroy him and it is really sad.  He is harmless, quite lovely, and she is a bitch to him.

Piers stops by to see Trace’s shop and he annoys the hell out of me.  I find everything about Piers Morgan to be offensive.  His voice alone makes me itchy.  Danielle Staub stops by to give a thousand bucks and even though we only see her for a total of 3 seconds, it is enough to remind us that she should be on television.  I hope she returns as a housewife in New Jersey.

Piers heads to Brande’s team and his voice is like nails on a chalkboard.  His questioning is ridiculous. He is ridiculous.  This show would be just as entertaining if it were an hour.  Brande cries because a donor bails on her and she is pissed.  They want us to think she will win and it is a fake out, but her team is losing.  Can you bet on Celebrity Apprentice in Vegas? I’d be rich.

It is boardroom time and the first topic of discussion is to throw Bret under the bus.  It is relentless and I feel bad for Bret.  The boardroom is an hour long and I’m getting bored.  It is fun to watch them turn on each other, but it is so dragged out it is painful. Stephen Baldwin is useless.  He is set up to be fired should his team lose, but we know that is not happening.

Piers is back on his campaign to embarrass Omarosa but he is only making himself look like an asshole.  I like Omarosa and I think she has a shot to win here.  People will hate her and she’ll be in the boardroom a lot, but I still like her. There is still 40 minutes to go and I am reaching for my remote control. I’m sure I’m skipping over some good stuff, but honestly, I’m done.

Trace wins over $650K for The Red Cross, which is awesome.  Piers wants Omarosa fired, La Toya wants Brande fired, but everyone else wants Bret fired. Brande is a dingbat and she should be fired for being so dumb.  I need a drink.  By drink of course I mean a bottle of Cuervo and a straw.  It would appear that Omarosa stole some of the money but nobody questions her.

Brande is spared because she raised so much money, and La Toya is spared because she did nothing wrong.  Ivanka, Donald, and Piers all thought Brande should have brought Omarosa back.  In the end poor Bret Michaels, the returning champion, is fired and while we are not shown it, the poor boy cried.  I am hooked and will blog as long as they keep it real.

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March 5, 2013 | 4:06 pm

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – French Fried

Posted by Ilana Angel

We are still in Paris with the ladies and while I love the scenery, the Richards woman are giving me a severe lower back pain.  Dear Lord, those two hags need to get off my TV.  We start off with Yolanda and Brandi working out along the Seine.  Brandi is sick so I’m not buying the work out, but the conversation is nice and the two of them together are fun.

Kyle and her douchebag go to visit a lover’s bridge to place a lock symbolizing their love.  Kyle is wearing the ugliest pants ever made, her witchy warts are not looking good in the Paris light, and her shoe selection to walk the streets of Paris is ridiculous.  I think Kyle and Mauricio are fake and only look longingly into each other’s eyes to see their own reflections.

Giggy is out for a stroll with Ken, Lisa and Kim.  Kim is slurring her words, distracted by everything, and clearly medicated. I feel uncomfortable watching.  Kim blogged she was acting strange due to taking the wrong meds, but that is crap.  She is using, we can all see it, and Bravo should respect her enough to let her go.

Kim tells Lisa she is not close to Kyle but trying, and Lisa tells Kim she is not close to Kyle and not really trying that hard.  Lisa and Kim are suffering bad Paris shoe selections also.  What were they thinking?  Ken and Lisa are sweet, and Kim is lovely, but the star of the entire scene is Giggy.

Yolanda wins for the best shoes for walking through Paris.  She is with Lisa and Ken but I don’t get the editing.  They say they were with Kim but she went back to the hotel. It seems weird they are now with Yolanda.  The forced time together is part of the game but it needs to be edited better.

They are all speaking of Kim coming out of rehab and her obvious relapse, and I think it is shady.  How is it that Bravo allows everyone to talk about what is an obvious problem, yet allow her to continue on a show that stresses her out to much she cannot stop using?  Kim is Frech fried.

The ladies are off to cooking class and wait until they get to the car to notice Kim is missing.  Sidebar:  Kyle is again wearing hideous pants. Dear Kyle, you should never wear white pants and certainly not when standing next to Yolanda or Brandi wearing white pants.  Nice camel toe.

Kim fell asleep in her room and that is why she is late.  You get tired when you take tranquilizers I guess. Everyone gossips about Kim relapsing and Kyle manages to make it all about her.  SHE is worried, SHE does not know what is happening, SHE is hurt by Kim’s behavior. Blah, blah, blah.

Kim apologizes for being late and Lisa asks if she took a sleeping pill.  Not nice Lisa.  I believe Lisa’s timeline but do not think her humiliating Kim in front of the group was necessary. I love Lisa but she could take a lesson or two from Brandi on this episode.  Kim starts crying.

Lisa talks about her addiction and it is sad.  Kyle is thrilled by her sister’s problems because it means she gets more camera time.  Lisa goes out to the car, against Brandi’s advice, to check on her.  She is sincere in her worry but she shouldn't have never gone out.  Kim is a mess.

Lisa says she was being lighthearted which I guess she thought she was, but really?  The woman just got out of rehab, is clearly using, so a lighthearted joke about popping sleeping pills is not the way to go.  They wait for the Richard girls so they can start their French cooking class.

Brandi is not feeling well, but she is lovely in terms of her view of Kim.  She is supportive, guides the others on how to deal with her, and completely offensive in that she is sick and looks fabulous.  Who looks like that when sick?  Damn you Brandi. No red nose or puffy eyes?

They are making duck and cut his head off.  It is repulsive and not just because I am a vegetarian.  It was horrific and I’m not into it.  They start their lesson and just as revolting as the beheading of the duck, is Kyle’s hair in the kitchen.  Couldn’t she put it up so won’t touch the food?

Lisa is talking to Kyle to see if Kim is okay and Kyle makes it all about her. Honestly, this woman is just too much.  Mauricio and Ken are off to join the ladies for dinner to eat their duck.  The girls make hearts for their hubs and Brandi puts an “FU” on hers. Porn 101.  Brandi is good TV.

Brandi and Kim talk and it makes Kyle crazy because she is being eaten alive by her jealousy of Brandi. Lisa talks to Mauricio about Kim and the drama of the day, but the editing is just off.  I do not believe for one minute that Lisa started up that conversation on her own.

Kyle, Kim, Yolanda and Mauricio are shopping and Vile uses the opportunity to plug her new store.  Kyle says it is stupid for her to buy things in Paris because she will carry them in her store.  Really?  Kyle is an idiot and her self-absorption makes my eye twitch and me angry,

Kim is bitching to Kyle and Yolanda about Lisa, and encouraging them to talk to her about her bad behavior.  Kyle says she has kept neutral and apologized to Lisa until she was blue in the face.  Cut to shots of Kyle not apologizing to Lisa.  The Richards sisters are bitches. For real.

Mauricio buys Kim a pocketbook as a gift.  Whatever.  Kyle is carrying what appears to be Whole Foods shopping bag around Paris.  Whatever.  Mauricio and Ken go for a segway tour of Paris.  Whatever.  The scenes with the husbands are simply asking too much of me.  Who cares?

The ladies are off to the Eiffel Tower. Paris is divine.  Kyle confronts Lisa, again, to talk about her, again.  Lisa is over it and has no idea why they are hashing it out, again.  Yolanda and Kim eavesdrop and it is so lame. Lisa could care less and before we know it Kyle is fake crying.

Just when I think Kyle can’t get any grosser, she says Lisa only has room for Brandi.  How old is she?  Kyle tells the camera she has been replaced and I am laughing.  What a pathetic bitch.  She insists Lisa tell her she loves her and it is just insane.  I love Lisa and am repulsed by Kyle.

Next week the ladies are back from Paris and Kyle finally has the opening of her store.  Taylor is back and confronts Yolanda so that should be fun. I can’t wait for it to be over so the dead weight of Taylor and Adrienne is gone.  If we can get rid of Kim and Kyle, we can start keeping it real.

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