May 16, 2013 | 2:13 pm

Real Housewives of Orange County – ENOUGH

Posted by Ilana Angel

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I have been sick with a bad cold and sinus infection for a week.  A drag to be sure, but also a relief because I was on antibiotics and could not drink, which made it impossible to watch the Real Housewives of Orange County.  One should never attempt to watch this show without the help of merlot.  These chicks are shrill, bitter, mean, nasty, made out of plastic, and a pathetic example of what it means to be a housewife.  They are quite simply, hideous.

They are also boring.  Nothing interesting has happened since the season started and the only reason to watch is to get a glimpse of Lydia’s mom Judy, who should get her own show. I missed two weeks of this garbage and so I must now do a double blog.  This is the ickiest hour of television on Bravo.  They were the first group to air, and they have truly overstayed their welcome. Time to go bitches.

Heather and Tamra are out for lunch with Lydia, who is wearing a headband that nobody over the age of 8 should be wearing.  Lydia is turning out to be quirky, but totally likeable.  Tamra on the other hand looks like she lives with chronic constipation and for someone who has had so many lip injections, her lips look very thin.  She actually has the mouth of an 80 year old smoker. Interesting.  Lydia is fair and kind. For now. This show will change that.

Jim and Alexis are doing their nighttime skin regimen and I want to vomit. They only shoot with each other because nobody else will film with them, so what are they even doing on the show? Watching Jim put on his moisturizer and Alexis take of her makeup is just too much.  These people are annoying and not too bright.  They also throw around God a lot and I have to wonder what God would think about these two.  They never should have come back.

Vicki is talking to Ryan, her son-in-law and I find it ridiculous.  This ungrateful kid is dictating how she lives in her own home and it is shameful. He is an ass and she is allowing him to rule her house.  Very strange.  I think both Brianna and Ryan should grow up and get their own place.  Move on and move out. We jump from the losers, to all the glory that is Judy.  This woman is fabulous in all the ways that reality television should be fabulous.

She is a pot smoking, fairy dust sprinkling, loving, and sweet mom. Unconventional to be sure, but bless her, she is a hoot.  I don’t know anything about her, but she clearly has money, a drug problem, an open heart, and I would totally hang out with her.  Lydia has an interesting outlook on her mom and I find myself liking her.  To be clear, she is a freak and I could not be friends with her, but I like her, and think she is a lot of fun.

Over to Slade and Gretchen, I am not watching them.  I think they are horrific people and I am disgusted by them.  His son is seriously ill and he is not with him, while Gretchen cries and makes it all about how difficult it is making her life.  I cannot stand Gretchen, think Slade is a piece of garbage, and I am repulsed by both of them.  I have never had such an adverse reaction to people on TV.  I might actually hate these two.  For real.

Heather books a guest spot on a TV show and it is sad.  She has become completely unappealing, not a good representative of Jews, and painfully unaware of how blessed her life is.  She is spoiled, entitled, and bitchy. She is also in need of some plastic surgery and can get it for free, so let’s go Heather.  We leave her Royal Highness and head over to dinner with Brooks and Vicki.  Oh. My. God.  Why oh why do we watch this show?  It sucks.

Vicki loves him, he is annoyed by her family, and she cries.  Dear Lord. Brooks says he would not let his kids dictate what happens in his house. Really?  A bit of a stretch since he does not own a home, or appear to have a job, or support his kids.  These two are a mess and I think it is sad.  Vicki is the original housewife and she continues to humiliate herself.  I would not buy insurance from her because she is a hot mess and clearly unstable.

Judy and Lydia are out for breakfast, talking about the joy of pot.  I love me some Judy.  Lydia is preaching about drugs, but whatever.  She’s allowed.  I don’t think for one minute that Judy has stopped smoking pot.  Cut to Tamra, she is opening the offices for her stupid wives and wine business. I am not even listening to her talk about this business or Vicki because I am focused on how obvious it is that Eddie is over Tamra and wants out fast.

Heather is out for dinner with Terry and their kids.  She complains about how crazy her schedule is, while simultaneously castrating her husband in front of their children.  They fight in front of the kids, bring them into their fight, and I am sad watching it.  Heather is a bitch and has become all the things she said she hated about the women when she started.  She needs a kick in the ass and a reality check on how blessed her life is.  For real.

Heather is now getting ready to go out with Terry, and rehashing their fight.  That she is willing to do this on camera is gross. She won’t let it go. He is funny and charming and loves her,  but she is feeling neglected.  She is bitching, again, about how hard her life is and he cuts his toenails during the whole thing.  I don’t understand public castration, and I think she is insane, but he is a bit of a dumbass and does not know when to stop.

He should be embarrassed that his wife is humiliating him, and she should be embarrassed that she is such a bitch.  Cut to Tamra who has organized a wine tasting trip to Malibu.  Eddie is more about riding his bike than being with her and you have got to ask, how long will this charade last?  He is just not that into her. He needs a shower and a shave.  They are repulsive and I am mortified for her children that this is the legacy she is leaving for them.

Everyone but Alexis is on the wine trip.  Lydia gives a get well card from her son to Slade’s son, to Gretchen.  Retched gives the card to Slade.  Yes Slade, who is on a wine tasting trip while his son is in the hospital. Douchelord. Tamra is talking about wine like she cares about it, and nobody else cares. Vicki is an idiot, Heather is a snob, Eddie cannot wait to get away from Tamra, and Lydia is wondering what the hell she is doing there.

Alexis and Jim are on.  I am skipping it.  Vicki is using her baby voice to talk about how lonely she is and how horrible it is to be party of one.  Really? Stop being an idiot and maybe you won’t be alone.  I am now digging Lydia’s husband too.  These are very sweet people.  They are a little odd, but who isn’t?  They are young, have a strong sense of faith, and are going to get beaten up by these fame whores.  I hope they make it out alive.

Lydia supports Alexis, while everyone else bashes her.  Heather is talking about her guest shot on a TV show and again brings out her dirty laundry. Tamra is mean to Vicki, talks in code under hew breath to Gretchen, and we are reminded that none of these people like each other.  It is enough.  This show needs an entirely new cast, or even better, Bravo needs to let them all get on with their sad lives, away from the camera.  Seriously Bravo, enough.

Cut to the next day and Eddie and Slade are late for brunch because they are on a bike ride.  Eddie would rather ride for 6 hours than be with Tamra. Ouch.  Terry wants to make a public declaration of love to his wife, and instead it is about him apologizing for raining on her parade.  She cannot be gracious and kind, instead embarrasses him and will not let this go. She has lost her mind. She is bashing him on camera and it is lame.

Terry says he mentioned divorce.  Dear Lord.  These people are out of control.  Vicki makes it all about her, then Heather starts crying.  I want to stick a piece of glass into my throat.  Tamra is annoyed with Vicki, then Vicki bails to head back home.  Tamra is pissed off and follows Vicki out, only to call her a bitch.  I am now seriously thinking about breaking my wine glass but can’t bring myself to waste the wine.  These people are ridiculous.

Tamra is bitching, Heather tells Terry she is embarrassed by his behavior, and he is apologizing.  He didn’t really do anything, yet he apologizes all the time.  Every time.  This family better get a grip and leave this show before they end up in divorce court.  Reality TV rips families apart and that they are letting it happen, and allowing us to watch it, is weird.  Important to note my wine bottle is now empty and so relief may be in sight.

Brianna is visiting Vicki and complaining about how hard it is to be a mom. Really?  I’m bored.  Vicki is talking about the wine trip and I wonder how it is possible that not only did we sit through it, we now need to listen to Vicki recap it for us?  Vicki is not into being friends with Tamra.  They are not friends so walking away from her should not be hard.  Speaking of Tamra, she is now out for dinner with Eddie.  There is no chemistry between them.

Tamra looks much older than Eddie.  Eddie is looking at her and wondering why he does not dump her and get a hot young girlfriend like Simon.  Tamra is telling him she does not know how to communicate, hates being mean, and blames it on her upbringing.  She says she hates to hurt people’s feelings and it makes her die inside when she does.  I cannot stop laughing and I don’t think it is because of the wine. Tamra is a moron.

I watch this show because it is an excuse to drink.  I also watch because I am paid to write about it.  I am addicted to it like it is meth, and no good can come of watching this show, or doing meth.  The only thing that happens is that we all get a little dumber, a little drunker, and a whole lot more irritated.  I will keep watching of course.  The truth is that you just can’t walk away from meth, or the real skanks of OC, so I’ll just blog, and keep it real.

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May 14, 2013 | 6:18 pm

Married to Medicine Gets Drunk

Posted by Ilana Angel

These chicks have been classy, sophisticated, immature, and trashy.  They are great television and with only two episodes left, they are scrambling to end on a good note.  Not going to happen.  We have seen too much to believe they are as together as they want us to think they are.  I love this show, but when they come back for season two some of these bitches need to be gone. Everyone will have their own list of people to get fired, and Toya is on the top of mine.  This woman is a pig and should not be invited back. 

We start with Dr. Jackie talking to one of her employees about the epic fail of the lemon squeeze.  It is scripted and makes no sense to me.  She is not having this conversation with an employee.  That goes against everything she wants us to think about her.  In the end she is a high school mean girl, like everyone else.  Cute though that she wants us to think she is so much more mature and appropriate than the others.  I like Dr. Jackie but she is a poser and needs to focus on being a little less rigid, and a little more real.

At Dr. Simone’s house, Cecil’s bar is finished and it looks beautiful.  Toya and her husband come by for a drink.  Meanwhile at Kari’s, Duncan has forgotten his key and knocks on the door.  Kari is teaching her kids about poverty and it is a transparent and silly attempt by Kari to get us to think she is not a snob.  Does not work.  It is pretentious and fake.  Duncan walks in, his kids are excited to see him, but he waltzes right past them without a word, and summons Kari into the kitchen to talk to him.  Strange family dynamic.

We bounce back to Simone’s house and it is all about bashing Mariah. Fascinating that thee people seem to forget she created this show and brought them in.  Not too bright really to bash the boss, but whatever.  Toya insists she has no malicious intent when it came to Mariah.  Bullshit.  Toya’s husband Eugene is unaware of what a bitch his wife is, and we see the real breakout star of Married to Medicine is Simone’s husband, Cecil.  This man is divine.  He is the voice of reason and I am totally crushing on him.

Back to Kari’s, I am bored.  Everyone has a lot to say about Mariah, but never to her face.  They prefer to gossip and it shows that women are really not very kind to each other.  No matter how old we get, we are wired to be mean to each other.  Sad.  Kari does not want Mariah to go to the wine tour. Did I forget to mention that? These women, who cannot stand each other, and had a physical confrontation, are all going on a bus together to drink wine.  Dear Lord.  Cecil will host the husbands for a drink when they go.

Quad is out for drinks with her college girlfriends who were in her wedding party.  They are drinking Patron shots and Mariah joins them.  They go to RHOA flop stop Bar One.  They are the only ones there. I am loving me some Quad.  She came in with a bang and she is leaving with a boom.  I. Love. Her. Not sure what the purpose of this scene was as we learned nothing.  It seems to me that this show lost its way and needs to get on track because this is not exactly what we wanted, or what we were told we were getting.

This was supposed to be a reality show that focused on the intelligence of women and show African Americans in a way we don’t always see.  Instead it got real trashy, real fast.  It’s about women so that is to be expected on some level, but this show can and should be more.  They need to come back for season two with the trash gone and the ladies shining in the way they should.  By trash of course I mean the hideous and pathetic Toya.

It is Duncan’s 20th anniversary of his practice and Kari is going to mark the occasion by getting professional pictures done. Really? This girl is so fabulous on the phone and just a pretentious mess on the show.  Such a shame. She invites Mariah over to talk to her during her photo shoot.  Really? The scripting of the friendships is exactly like the real housewives crap fest.  We came here for something different, so it is a drag.

Mariah is hurt Kari never checked on her after the fight, and Kari is mad Mariah never called her to apologize for fighting in her home. They apologize to each other and what was a war flickers out in an instant.  Not buying it. We are off to the wine tasting bus tour.  Toya has a taser.  Toya is a liar, a skank, a fame whore, and an idiot.  If they bring her back next year I won’t watch.  She sucks the joy out of this show is a big way.  She brings invites to a party, but not for everyone.  Really?  Can’t afford stamps?

They are in the bus and heading out for wine.  Jackie starts the trip with a prayer, which I love.  It begs the question:  on a show about medicine, why is there no Jew? Jews and medicine go together like wine and reality television.  My suggestion would be to replace Trashy Toya with a nice Jewish doctor, or a fabulous Jewish broad that is married to a doctor.  If you are going to keep it real Married to Medicine, you need a Jew.  By Jew of course I mean try to get a normal one.  Reality Jews are always crazy.

Dr. Simone is fantastic and packing vodka in her purse.  I love her.  Sidebar: can anyone explain the makeup on these chicks?  The eye shadow is killing me. Kari wants to go around and have everyone share something nice about everyone.  Oh. My. God.  How old are we?  It is ridiculous and there is a whole lot of ass kissing and dagger throwing going on.  They have arrived at their destination and wine is about to be poured, which means that whining is coming too.  Wine and whining is not cute, but good television.

Simone takes Mariah out for a minute alone.  Simone knows Mariah is upset and wants to fix it.  I think Simone should have done this earlier, but good for her that she was able to do it now.  These are good people and when they behave with decency and kindness to each other it is more compelling than when they fight.   Compelling may not be what reality television is aiming for, but they should embrace it because it is what we want.   There is always going to be crazy, but it’s the normal that we all crave and love most.

Quad now takes Jackie off for a minute alone.  I really like Quad and Jackie. Jackie is a bit too wound up, and Quad is a little loose, but they are sweet and Quad telling Jackie that the lemon squeeze was not a waste of time was really sweet.  They are both beautiful and when Jackie laughs she is gorgeous. I think the saddest thing about Jackie is that she always seems sad, so to see her laughing is very touching.  Quad made a lovely gesture and the women are now all together and getting their drink on.

Toya says she wanted the day to be a new start for the ladies.  Is she high? Toya is a gutter pig that seems to forget she is a disgusting skank.  Back in Atlanta, the men are arriving to "Cecil’s Bar" for a drink.  Aydin, Mariah’s husband, is lovely and a real gentleman.  Duncan apologizes immediately and I respect him for it.  Cecil mediates it all and gets the men to a good place, although they were never really at a bad place, as much as an uncomfortable place.  Everyone apologizes except for Toya’s husband.  Asswipe.

He wants to make sure they are okay, and Aydin is moving on.  There is no apology from Toya’s husband, and there should have been.  Not necessarily for his wife, but for the situation.  Aydin is the winner here.  He was classy and appropriate and it was nice of him to even go.  Duncan was all class, Cecil was perfection, and Toya’s husband was a douche.  What is his name?  I can’t remember and don’t really care.  Back on the bus, the ladies are hammered and it is going to get good.  By good of course I mean trashy.

Toya wants to know what she ever did to Mariah, and drunky Ms. Mariah is all for talking about it.  She tells Toya how she hurt her family. Mariah tells her that she needs to acknowledge what she did.  She is clearly heartbroken and I feel for her and her daughter.  With the men, Toya’s husband is defending Toya talking about Lauren and it is insane.  These two are perfect for each other.  They are both ignorant, stupid, and whoring themselves out to TV to pay for a house they cannot afford.  Bravo needs to fire their asses.

Toya takes ownership of her talking about Lauren, but denies her doing it to cause harm.  Why do it if not to hurt? Mariah accepts the apology.  Big mistake.  Toya is evil and this is not going to end well.  They hug it out and I feel bad for Mariah, and angry with Toya.  Next week there are going to be a lot of bodies thrown under the bus for the finale.  How they end will be interesting, but how they come back will be fascinating. I love this show, love these women, and really hope Bravo allows them to come back, and keep it real.

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May 11, 2013 | 8:38 am

Happy “Mutha” Day LeAnn Rimes

Posted by Ilana Angel

LeAnn Rimes and I have an interesting relationship.  I like to write about how odd I think she is, and she likes to write about what a bad Jew I am.  I like to marvel at her fashion choices, and she likes to have her publicist write letters to my editor.  I am constantly amazed by how inappropriate she is, and she likes to find new ways to be inappropriate.  

As Mother’s Day approaches I find myself thinking about LeAnn and wondering what she will do to make herself relevant on a day when she is irrelevant.  She is not a mother.  She is however a mutha, so she will Tweet something insane about how blessed she is to have two such beautiful young boys in her life.  Bless her.  She will give me a laugh, and a headache, on Mother’s Day.

I believe that you don’t have to give birth to your child to be their mother. I feel the role of a stepmother is an important one to be respected. That said, respect is earned and a woman who is going to be a stepmother needs to know her place and not think for one moment she is the mother to those children.  Important to be sure, but not the mother.

My son has a stepmom and she loves him.  She has been in his life for a long time.  Years ago when she met my son, she made LeAnn look like an amateur. She crossed lines of decency and appropriateness that I still marvel at all these years later.  She loves my son, but her choices made it impossible for me to love her, and those feelings remain a decade later.

LeAnn Rimes is going to wake up one day and realize that these two young boys don’t like her.  It will be a subtle change, and one she will not really understand until it is too late.  My son is 17 years old and when he looks back on the past decade he has a clear picture of his stepmom and she did it all on her own.  You can’t be respected as a mother figure, if you bash the mother.

LeAnn Rimes is a talented singer and to be fair, I have never met her. However, I am basing my opinion of her on what she has said.  This chick does not know how to be quiet.  She also does not have the ability to surround herself with people who want to help and protect her.  Instead she pays people to say and do what she wants, but what she wants is ridiculous.

At the end of the day, that is LeAnn’s problem.  She is not particularly bright, which has nothing to do with her lack of education, but rather her lack of decency.  She does not respect her stepchildren, or their mother, and in doing so, does not respect her husband.  He’s a piece of crap, cheating, douchebag, but still, she does not respect him or his beautiful children.

LeAnn Rimes is fascinating.  She has the ability to change our opinion of her, yet she does not seem to care.  Well, of course she cares or she wouldn’t have her publicist write my boss to get me fired, so perhaps rather than not caring, she simply does not understand.  This young girl, both in age and maturity, needs someone to help her because she is clearly drowning.

Her album is tanking, she humiliates herself on Twitter, she cannot sell a reality show about her life, and she spends a lot of her time trying to hurt people.  It must be exhausting to live your life with so many people watching and judging, but the real stress comes from knowing you could change it, but are too selfish and ego driven to do the right thing.

To all the stepmothers who love the children in their lives, I suggest you reach out to the mother of your husband’s children and wish them a Happy Mother’s Day. To be given the blessing of helping to raise a child is something to be grateful for, and thanks need to go to the person who made that possible for you.  Respect the mothers of the kids you love.

To LeAnn Rimes, I can forgive you for being ridiculous because you have had nobody in your life to teach you right from wrong.  I cannot forgive you however for making the conscious decision to be mean.  You lack common decency and that is haunting you now.  If anyone in your paid inner circle cared about you, they would start telling you the truth.

Being a stepmother is important.  You are helping to raise children and your opinions matter.  I am blessed my son’s stepmother loves him.  She has missed out on a much fuller life however, but not respecting me.  Some women will never learn, and that is a shame. Happy Mutha Day LeAnn. Time to dial back on the crazy and focus on keeping it real.

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May 6, 2013 | 7:44 am

Married to Medicine – The Lemon Squeeze

Posted by Ilana Angel

I look forward to this show each week and am bummed it is such a short season.  These chicks are crazy in all the ways you want reality television women to be.  Unlike the Real Housewives of wherever, they are not yet aware enough of the cameras to have it alter their behavior too much.  They are as real as they can be, and that only happens in the first season of a show, so enjoy it while you can because next season will be very different.

We start off at Dr. Simone’s house with her family.  I love this woman, love her kids, love her husband, love her drinking, love it all.  Her husband Cecil has built a bar in the basement. They are getting ready for Homecoming weekend.  They went to Spelman and Morehouse, which as a loyal viewer of The Cosby Show, I know are two historically black colleges in Atlanta. It is impressive, cute, and All American, that they met and fell in love during college.

Over at Trashy Toya’s house, her husband is in a meeting for his new business and she comes in to try to take over.  She is focused on money, likes talking about money, and thinks she is responsible for her husband making money.  Toya is an idiot.   She should be offering her guests a drink and getting lost.  She should also be rethinking her earrings.  Maybe she should invest in a stylist and some new hair.  The girl is trashy.

Her husband quickly puts her in her place, embarrasses her a little bit, and shuts her up.  I’m guessing he does that a lot.  We jump to Dr. Jackie who is with a patient.  I love babies and enjoy when the patients are on the show. Jackie could not have kids because of a battle with Cancer and it is sad, but she talks about it a lot, which is also sad.  Cut back to Toya and her husband. She wants to talk about Mariah, but he is not interested in talking.

Toya is crying because he does not want to talk about the fight.  Toya is starting to crack and we are seeing into her marriage, which is not as fabulous as she would like us to think.  She cannot get support from her own husband so maybe she needs to reevaluate the situation and own up to the fact that she started the fight and the truth is going to come out.  Toya is a mess, not interesting, and needs to get canned before season two.

Cecil and Simone are hosting an event for Homecoming weekend, and she has invited Jackie and Toya.  Not sure why she would do that. Translation: she was asked to include them by producers so they could talk about Mariah.  Jackie looks gorgeous, Simone is smashed, and Toya is rocking some truly hideous earrings.  Again.  Jackie wants a “Lemon Squeeze” to help hash out the problems with the women.  It is insane that Jackie wants to control it.

Jackie will get them together, with no drinking, in closed quarters, with the cameras rolling, and make everyone friends again.  Toya thinks it is lame because the women have no manners.  Toya is a bottom feeder and her pointing at others is hilarious.  Cut to Mariah, she is making dinner for her family. She catches her son Ethan in a bit of a lie about school and she shuts that down real quick.  I love this chick and her family.

She tells her husband about the Lemon Squeeze.  Mariah is upset that everyone is taking it so lightly.  A lemon squeeze is not going to fix anything. Nobody has acknowledged the hurt and purposeful attempt to hurt Mariah by Toya.  She is stressed out, but manages to end the scene with humor with her husband.  I like Mariah on this show and the truth is that had it been me, there would have been teeth flying out of Toya if she hurt my baby.

Dr. Jackie’s patient is having her baby and it is really exciting.  Jackie cries when talking about never having had a baby herself.  I feel for her and thinks she is classy, but does every show need to talk about it?  I don’t think so.  Cut to Mariah, who is out for lunch with Quad.  I like Quad, but annoyed she invited Toya to her dog party.  Nobody is looking forward to the Lemon Squeeze, and nobody is coming to the table with good intentions.

Kari and Toya are getting their nails done together.  All Toya wants to talk about is how everyone is on her side and their friendships are strong.  Toya is stupid and the truth will come out.  Everyone is arriving to the lemon squeeze, some get bonus points for wearing yellow, but there is tension and nobody wants to talk to each other.  Cut to Toya who is now wearing the most hideous of her earring collection.  She looks ridiculous.

Mariah wants wine, Jackie is insisting no alcohol, everyone is bored, and the whole idea of taking the problems into private to be hashed out, makes no sense with the cameras rolling.  This was a dumb idea, but here we are. Jackie is explaining the rules and I am so done.  This is silly and Jackie thinks she is a teacher with her students, not a group of grown women.  She gets the night started by talking about the fight at the birthday party.

We are shown the footage again and see that Toya started the physical fight.  Jackie was not even there so why is she getting all up on everyone’s business? Kari talks and says she did not throw Mariah out of her house. She is talking in a negative way, and it is a shame because she is really lovely and it is just not translating well to television.  Cut to Toya.

Toya wants an apology.  She talks about getting beaten as a kid by her mother, and that she has issues with being hit now.  I think she is trying to get sympathy.  Seriously, I’m not buying it that Mariah took her to her dark childhood.  Whatever.  Mariah will not apologize and says that she is angry at Toya for putting the wellbeing of her child in jeopardy.

Toya is a low class bitch and I am on Team Mariah with this.  Toya is lying, scrambling to get her story straight, and I don’t understand why everyone is not seeing what we are seeing.  Mariah calls out Jackie for not getting it, Jackie is hurt that Mariah is saying she can’t get it because she never had a baby, and Kari is struggling with the pole stuck up her ass.

Mariah calls Kari a liar, Kari has the back up emails to prove what she is saying, and now everyone looks crazy.  The Lemon Squeeze crashes and burns.  Jackie is surprised, which is funny, and walks off in tears.  Everyone else just sits there unsure what to do as the cameras are rolling.  It’s just too funny.  Next week they are all going on a trip together.  Oy Vey!

It is impossible to know what is true and what is not here because the editing is off.  We will get a clearer look into it all at the reunion, so that is something to look forward to.  Everyone has a team and in terms of the fight I am on team Mariah, but in terms of reality TV as a whole, I will trade in the housewives for Married to Medicine.  These chicks are keeping it real.

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May 5, 2013 | 5:39 pm

A Conversation with Mariah Huq – Married to Medicine

Posted by Ilana Angel

Married to Medicine, like all reality shows about women, has polarized the fans into groups who support different teams.  It is the nature of the beast, and in the interest of full discloser, I will tell you that I am on Team Mariah. I think she is fabulously entertaining, inherently kind, and this blog is about her and our conversation about the show, so know that love will be shown.

Married to Medicine is a show that was created by Mariah and she pitched it for almost 5 years before it was made. She was an accomplished news anchor and journalist who chose to change career paths, and transitioned into medical and pharmaceutical sales. She met her husband Aiden when he approached her at a restaurant in Atlanta.  They are an interesting couple.

They are different faiths, but pray to one God, and are raising their children with the teachings of both. Aiden is a Muslim, and Mariah a Christian.  Her views on faith align very closely to mine and I have respect for her views on religion.  She does not judge, does not tolerate ignorance, and does worry about what ignorant people think.

Married to Medicine was to be a show about the sacrifices and challenges of women who are married to doctors, but it all took a turn when the fight happened at Aiden and Duncan’s birthday party.  Mariah is mortified by what went down, but she owns it, and while she may do things differently given the chance, her emotions would be the same.  Don’t mess with her kids.

Mariah was pushed to her breaking point when Toya crossed a line in terms of her daughter Lauren.  Aiden raised Lauren from the time she was 1, and he is her father.  While the little girl knew what adoption was, she did not know that Aiden was not her biological father.  She does not watch the show, but other kids do, and this little girl was hurt by trashy Toya.

Toya is a wretched bitch in my opinion, and for her to purposely hurt a child is unfathomable to me.  Mariah told me everyone knew, before shooting began, that she would talk about anything and everything, but the topic of Lauren was off limits.  She and Aiden had a plan and schedule of how to share the news with their daughter and Toya opted to handle it.

The fight, while ill timed, was bound to happen and if it were me, there would have been a few teeth flying out of Toya’s mouth.  Aiden was shocked by Mariah’s actions and held her accountable for her behavior, but also understood the reason it went there.  It is a shame that this wonderful family will forever be remembered for this mess, not how loving they are.

It is interesting to me that the women in the group have all picked a side, and most are aligning with Toya.  Considering that Mariah is essentially their boss, I would have maybe rethought their choices.  Dr. Jackie tried to talk to Mariah, but really?  She did not have all the information, and was already siding wtih Toya, so it made no sense for her to talk to Mariah.

Everyone is going out of their way to villainize Mariah and that is unfortunate. Even Quad, who is her best friend, invited Toya to the dog party, which I thought was inappropriate.  She didn’t even make a donation.  I wonder how this show will move on to season two when they can’t stand each other.  This might be the quickest train wreck in reality history.

Mariah has regret about what happened, but believes that everything happens for a reason. She is rock solid with Aiden, learned who her friends are, and is helping Lauren understand her history and embracing it as a story of love, not a shameful secret. The show may not be what she thought it would be, but it is certainly a hit, insanely entertaining, and very popular.

Their lives look privileged, but we don’t know how hard it was to get there, or how hard it is to stay there.  Mariah worked tirelessly to support her family during Aiden’s residency.  She is still alone a lot of the time as he works in the ER. She blames herself for the turn the show took, but she feels confident that can all regroup and get back on track.

Mariah is very open to talk to.  She is fun and funny, but clearly hurt by what has happened.  She is a woman of integrity, and the fight will not change that.  She is living her best life, being the best mom and wife she can be, and is proud of what she has accomplished. She has made things happen for herself and is happy with her family and their achievements.

In terms of Toya, they do not speak and that is fine with Mariah.  Fine with me too.  Toya has no character, no integrity, and no understanding of what the Holocaust is.  This is one stupid woman and I feel sorry for her.  I laugh when she talks about God and prayer as if that will somehow make her likeable.  Praising God is great, but does not make you a decent person.

I asked Mariah to describe herself and she used the words honest, fabulous, and hard working.  I would add sensitive, authentic, and hilarious.   She is in her early thirties, but has lived many lives.  She is savvy, street smart, and sophisticated. She came from humble beginnings and propels herself forward by remembering where she came from, and putting family first.

I like Mariah on the show and if I had not liked her in person, I would have said so, but I like her more now.  She is a sweet girl, ferociously protective of her kids, loyal and supportive of her husband, tolerant and respectful of her mother, and cares about her friends.  She is sad about how things been put out there for the world to see, but thinks she will redeem herself.

She is aware of the power of television, conscious that people look at her as a representative of women of color, and hopeful that people will look beyond the fight and see her true self.  I am proud of Mariah and I really liked her. I’m not sure if she can change the audience opinion in the four remaining episodes, but like her or not, this chick is fabulous, and keeping it real.

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May 2, 2013 | 8:54 am

A Conversation with Kari Wells - Married to Medicine

Posted by Ilana Angel

Kari Wells is one of the stars of Married to Medicine and stands out for many reasons.  She is the only white cast member, she is also a pretentious bitch who seems to have a sense of entitlement. In some scenes she looks like a transvestite.  I don’t really get her and have been struggling to figure out exactly what she brings to the show in terms of her personality or ability to provide entertainment.  Then we spoke.

I have spoken with a lot of reality stars and I always see them differently after we speak, but with Kari there is a profound difference in who we are seeing on the show and who she seems to be in real life.  Kari was soft spoken, laughed easily, and her accent didn’t sound as fake as it does on TV.  By the end of our chat I felt compassion for a woman who came to TV with good intentions, but is unlikeable.

Kari joined the cast thinking it would be a show about the sacrifices that women make when they are part of the medical community, whether doctors or married to doctors.  If you watch Married tmo Medicine you know that medicine is the backdrop to a show about women who cannot fake their way through the fact that they tolerate each other, more than actually like each other.  There are not a lot of authentic friendships happening.

Kari is not thrilled with how she is coming across, but is hopeful that it all comes out in the end.  She knows she looks mean and bitchy, and while she has had bitchy moments, she is also kind and lovely.  The reason she went on the show was to promote charities close to her heart, and talk about her desire to help women take care of themselves financially.  She is surprised and saddened by the hate directed to her through social media.

Kari Wells is very funny, and the first to laugh at herself.  When we spoke she was home with her daughter and called me directly, without a publicist. Nothing was off limits and she was open to talking about anything. Important to note that she did not block her number, which I think says a lot about her.  I want to make it clear that should Duncan start getting calls in the middle of the night asking what he is wearing, it is not me.

Duncan is very supportive of his wife.  There was a lot of controversy when following the big fight in their home, he told Kari that Aiden was going to divorce Mariah.  Not good, but also not malicious.  They did not know they were on camera, did not know Duncan’s mic was still on, and he was simply trying to support his wife, not hurt his friend and colleague. It was a bad choice of words, but in the end was an unfortunate situation.

Kari and Duncan have been married for 12 year and have a committed and loving marriage.  They met in Aspen and he pursued her.  He was separated at the time and she would not date him until he was divorced.  They lived in different cities and one day, while at work, he faxed her his finalized divorce papers and invited her out for dinner, which I think is oddly romantic.  They married, had two kids, and settled in Atlanta.

I asked Kari how she would describe herself and she said funny, different, and down to earth.  She went on to say she is a kind person who likes to help others.  She understands how she is viewed on the show and is hopeful a different and more authentic portrayal of her personality will come out before the season ends.  There is a peace in her voice that it may not happen, but also hope that in the end people will like her.

When I wrote that Kari looked like a transvestite, she wrote me to say she thought I was funny and admired my strong voice.  When I told her she was not one of my favorite women on the show, she said if she could bring attention to the charities she supports, it would not matter. To be clear, I am not really getting her on the show and don’t think she is particularly relatable, but I really liked her on the phone.  It’s a shame.

Relationships between women are stressful and not always nice.  We have all done and said things that we wish we didn’t, the difference is that it is not caught on film.  She is a trooper for owning her behavior, but also smart enough to know that editing is not to blame for how she comes across.  That said, to get 15 minutes of footage out of 15 hours of filming is hard, and things are often taken out of context and not explained properly.

I spoke with Kari about Toya’s Hitler reference in her blog and she thought it was stupid, but not meant to hurt anyone.  She said Toya was a lovely woman who did not have malice in her heart.  We can agree to disagree about that one.  I think Toys is a moron and a spiteful bitch, but to each their own. In terms of Mariah, Kari is mortified and heartbroken by the turn their friendship took and hopes that it will be forgotten in time.

I think Kari Wells is a great businesswoman, a loving wife, a supportive mother, and a woman who went on TV for all the right reasons, but in the end is being tuned into a reality television train wreck.  She is aware of how it works and while sad about some of it, happy with who she is, solid in her marriage, and secure as a woman.  I found myself feeling bad for her that this is the legacy being created to show the world who she is.

We don’t know these women, and what we see is certainly real, but not the full picture.  I may not like who she is on the show, but I can tell you I would want to be friends with Kari Wells.  She is smart, funny, self-deprecating, sarcastic, open, and able to own who she is.  This woman is ballsy, and I think that is so important for a woman.  She has a great things to share with women and I hope people can look beyond the show to hear it.

It will be interesting to see who is invited back for season two.  I am on team Mariah, but I like Kari and I hope she will return.  There is a lot more to see of this woman and she should be given an opportunity to show us.  Like all fans of reality shows, my opinions change like the wind, but like her or not, Kari is good television.  I am willing to give her a chance because she means well, and in the end Kari Wells wants to keep it real.

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April 28, 2013 | 8:19 pm

Married To Medicine Goes to the Dogs

Posted by Ilana Angel

The fall out of the big fight continues as we pick up this week with Kari and Duncan, who own their medical building, and are hoping Dr. Simone will rent space from them.  We learn that Duncan and Mariah’s husband Aiden have not spoken since the fight, which was two weeks ago. That’s a shame because they were good friends.  In the end everything is Toya’s fault.

Speaking of the classless whore, we head over to her house where she is planning a Halloween party for adults and kids at her house.  Her husband is worried about how much it will cost, and she is not willing to talk money. This couple will be a reality television divorce before she can say my name is Toya and I’m an idiot.  She’s had no contact with Mariah since the fight.

Toya sends an email to Mariah uninviting her to the party. Bitchy move by a stupid woman.  Over at Mariah’s house, Quad has come over to visit. They are baking cookies, which is hilarious to me for some reason.  Mariah shows Quad the email uninviting her and her children to the party.  I get Toya is mad at Mariah, but the kids should not be involved. Toya is a loser.

Mariah is still mortified by the fight and Quad is becoming more fabulous with each passing week.  Her craziness is starting to look like brilliance, and she may be the best of the bunch. These two, along with Dr. Simone, are the stars of the show and bitches better take note because this show is going to be recast after season one and Mariah is in the power position. Trust.

Mariah and Quad are out shopping for Quad’s dogs. She is planning a party for “dog children”, to raise money for a K9 charity.  She lets Mariah know she is inviting Toya and I think that is crappy.  Mariah is Quad’s best friend, and under the circumstances she should have not included Toya. Quad says it is about money, but Toya is not donating so come on. Bad choice.

Mariah does not get the concept of dogs as kids, and I am with her. Speaking of real kids, we are off to see Dr. Simone at her office.  She is a ball buster and I love her. She has a lesbian patient, who wants a baby, and is going to sleep with a man while her partner watches, so they are together for the conceiving of their child.  Why share that with the world? I do not know.

Simone is not digging it and I think she is fabulous. She goes next door to have lunch with Dr. Jackie.  She takes lunch for Jackie, but Jackie says she wants to take it home and won’t eat it, which I think is weird. I am trying to wrap my head around Jackie but I just don’t get her.  Maybe I will, but for now the only time I find her entertaining is when she is with Simone.

It’s time for Toya’s party and she says Mariah’s kids are suffering because of the actions of their mother.  Really?  Mariah’s kids are suffering because she is a selfish and stupid bitch that threw wine before punches were thrown.  For real.  Kari is there and says she has a lot of respect for Toya, which makes me lose respect for Kari.  Kari does not know the truth.

Sidebar:  I interviewed Kari last week and she was fabulous.  That interview is coming this week.  I am also interviewing Mariah this week, and that should be great.  Kari is very different in real life from what we see on the show so it will be interesting to see how Mariah is.  I really do like these women and think this show is the best chick based reality television.

There are two parties going on.  Toya’s, and the one Mariah is attending. Mariah is upset that Toya is clearly trying to make all the ladies pick sides and it is sad.  If Toya had any class she would have included Mariah, if only for her children.  Toya has no class however, and the women who went to her party lacked judgment and should have pushed for a reconciliation.

It’s puppy party time and Quad says she is not happy with Toya and her behavior, but she has nothing against her dog, so she was invited.  Really? Quad is treating Toya’s dog with more respect than Toya treated Mariah’s children, and Quad should never of invited her.  Toya can catch fire and be out with the dogs, not in the party.  I am not digging Quad’s choice.

Toya arrives to the party looking like she is off to the market, not a fundraiser. I think it was ballsy for Toya to go, and she only did it to make Mariah feel bad because she assumed Mariah would not be there. Then Mariah shows up looking French, with a mechanical dog on a leash.  I freaking love Mariah.  Mariah talks to Toya’s dog, not Toya.  Total perfection.

Mariah then sends her daughter over to Toya to ask why she couldn’t come to her party.  Toya says it is bad parenting and she would never involve her kid.  Is she for real?  She involved her kids when she did not invite their friends.  Lauren asked her a fair question and Toya should have said she was sorry, not told a child that her mother was mean. I cannot stand Toya.

Sidebar:  Seriously, I cannot stand this classless bitch.  She is ignorant, selfish, and beyond stupid.  From her view of parenting, to that of Hitler and the Holocaust, she is a moron and if they bring her sorry ass back for another season I will be pissed off.  I will still watch, but I will go out of my way to rip this woman a new one every chance I get. Power of the blog.

Toya goes to Quad to tell her she is uncomfortable and leaving, but Quad is not having it.  She tells Toya this is about the charity and she is going to stay and she is going to write a check.  I love me some Quad.  She is all kinds of good crazy and the most authentic.  She was a bitch to invite Toya, but whatever, I’m over it.  She did it from a place of kindness not malice.

Toya approaches Mariah, which I didn’t get. She went from being uncomfortable around her, to approaching her on her own?  Mariah asks her why she uninvited her kids to Halloween, and Toya says it was not about the kids, but a fear that Mariah would act up.  Toya is a bottom feeder and she is just mad her actions caused her to lose her grip on Mariah’s coattails.

Toya tells the camera Mariah has multiple personalities because of her childhood.  She through Lauren under the bus and is now doing it again with Mariah.  Toya needs a kick in the ass, and one hard enough that she lands off this show.  Next week they all get together to try to fix things so it will be interesting to see if anyone will be honest enough to keep it real.

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April 27, 2013 | 9:19 pm

The Painful Real Housewives of Orange County

Posted by Ilana Angel

When I blogged the season opener of the OC ladies, I predicted I would be sick of them by episode three.  Turns out one was enough.  I’ve been watching, but from the comfort of a drunken stupor.  They are painful. Painful to look at, painful to listen to, painful to blog about.  That said, there are things I must get off my chest, so I am going to blog the last three episodes in lightening speed so we're up to date.  

Alexis is friends with Vickie because everyone hates her, and Vicki is her only shot in hell of getting camera time.  Vicki is a grandma and Brianna, along with her husband and baby, are living with her. Gretchen is worried Vicki and Tamra will be friends again and then she will lose Tamra.  None of the friendships make any sense.  They are not real, obviously scripted, and each one uses the other to get more scenes.

Vicki has had some work done and let me just say, I can see no difference. She looks exactly the same to me.  Vicki and Brooks have fake broken up because everyone hates him.  She is still talking to him, still banging him, and still unaware of the fact that he is using her.  Poor girl.  Eddie leaves because Tamra is his boss and sends him to a meeting.  That relationship is based on sex for her and fame for him.  Don’t get it.

These women are crass, immature, mean to their partners, and mean to each other.   Tamra walks out in a sea of fake tears with Heather following her. Heather sets up a chat for Tamra and Vicki and I am now drinking. Heather is using all kinds of clichés but is mixing and matching so she sounds like an idiot.  Well intending, but still an idiot.  Heather humiliates her husband outside before they move the party into the house.

Alexis is at a dance lesson with Jim and I am grossed out.  Nobody will shoot with her, and they are desperate for money, so she has to shoot with her super odd husband in order to keep a paycheck.  They are creepy, I think their sex is probably totally kinky, and there is nothing of interest about either one of them.  They are also quick to jump to talk of sex, which makes me wonder, what would Jesus think about these two?

They are having a spread of Costco yumminess and Tamra points out it is from Costco, Terry repeats what Tamra says, and Heather is embarrassed as if nobody in America did not know it was from Costco.  To properly put her husband in place, she pinches him.  It clearly hurts, and I wonder how long this marriage will last in reality television hell.  She is horrible to him. Tamra and Vicki go off to have a chat "in private", with only cameras allowed.

Gretchen says she wants Vicki and Tamra to make up, which is a total lie. She then says Vicki puts on a “song and pony dance”, and I am laughing at how incredibly stupid these chicks are. They really are dumb.  With Tamra off with Vicki, Gretchen calls Slade to gossip about it all.  Slade is a pig, and these women don’t look that great when the cameras get up close.  Great bodies, but bad skin, and age inappropriate fashion choices.

Alexis and Jim are opening a trampoline park.  I’ve been to one and it is fabulous, but I don’t care enough about them to watch this scene so I am skipping over it.  I did watch enough of it to hear Alexis share that her husband had a year of feeling like a loser, but is better now.  Sidebar: Alexis does not know how to jump, or talk, which is hilarious to watch. Her husband is still a bit of a loser, and likes to wear women’s shoes.

Slade has a new job as a radio host.  Does anyone listen to him?  He trashes Vicki on the radio and I am skipping over him too. Slade is garbage. For real. They are getting married however, so bless them. She should wear a black dress.  Vicki is remodeling her entire house.  It looked ugly before so lets hope she has a new decorator.  Brianna is quite bitchy and I think it is sad she is making Vicki chose her over love, even though it is not love.

Brianna and her husband like to complain, and have a lot of opinions about a house that is not theirs.  Brianna sounds like a spoiled and entitled brat who is not appreciative of what Vicki gives to them.  Vicki is cute with the baby and being a grandma suits her.  Cut to Tamra, Eddie is telling her that Vicki is a troll and they should not be friends.  Eddie is on his way out so who cares about his opinion?  Or ever did?

Alexis comes to visit Vicki in a dress that could have used some Spanx.  Vicki admits it is weird that Alexis is visiting and not Tamra. Translation: she needs to be friends with Alexis because nobody else wants to be friends with either of them.  I wonder if Vicki gets bonus money for shooting with Alexis? She should.  Vicki wants us to know she is putting her daughter before Brooks.  Well at least for the camera crew she is.

Heather is now being mean to Terry at his office.  Nice change. A magazine wants to shoot their house.  Translation: We are going to use a fake photo op to introduce the new housewife, and by the way, you were never going to be in the magazine, let alone on the cover.  Gretchen and Tamra are out shopping for a baby present for Vicki’s grandson Troy.  This entire scene is scripted and giving me a headache so I am skipping over it.

Not before I comment on the fact that Gretchen is planning to have a baby with Slade. The man cannot take care of the children he has, so that she wants to have a baby with him is almost as disgusting as the thought of her having sex with him.  My eyes, my eyes!!!  We are now forced to watch Brianna be mean to her mother about her bad choices in men.  This is getting old.  She hates Brooks, she will take the baby away, we get it.

We finally meet Lydia, the new housewife.  Dear Lord she is annoying right out the gate, yet seems ballsy, which I love.  She seems like a teenager and I am not digging her.  Could change, but no.   She reminds me of Denise Richards, but with odd teeth.  Lydia is harmless and as soon as Heather learns she is friends with Alexis, she throws Alexis and her fake ring under the bus.  Heather is not a nice girl. Shame she’s the Jewish one.

Tamra is at her new studio and Eddie is advising her to not be friends with Vicki again, so you know there will be drama.  Vicki arrives, in her car, from across the street, to see the new space. Sidebar:  Vicki needs to either brush her hair, or cut it.  Not cute. They went from hating each other to hanging out, which is stupid.  Vicki tells her to have a party to show the space, and they also agree to have dinner together.  Ugh.

Lydia has an annoying laugh, does the chicken dance, and blows on her lemon drop before drinking the ice cold beverage.  Bless her.  She will be interesting.  Maybe.  Not really.  Vicki and Tamra are out for dinner.  Really? I simply cannot sit through this dinner of fake apologies, fake crying, and insisting each one was more hurt than the other.  Instead I am going to pour myself a glass of wine.  By glass of course I mean it is my third.

It is Yom Kippur and Heather has finished her lobster and is ready for temple.  She spends her time telling her husband what he should atone for, not thinking that perhaps her belittling him might be something to put on her list.  They go to temple with their kids, one of which is a terror, and I wonder if they actually filmed on Yom Kippur.  There is nobody in temple and this is a ticket only High Holiday, so something is not right.

Tamra meets with a party planner to set up her studio show and tell.  There is nothing in it so I don’t get it, but whatever.  Her left boob appears to be broken.  It is such a sad looking thing that I feel bad for her. Well, sad for her boob.  Cut to Jim and Alexis.  Jim is gardening and the way she talks about him, and how he acts, makes me think he had a nervous breakdown and is medicated.  They never should have brought this couple back.

Vicki wants to bring Alexis to Tamra’s party.  Translation:  Bravo is making Vicki take her to Tamra’s party and paid for the party so Tamra would allow it. Alexis arrives to Vicki’s and she is wearing a shear top with a pink bra, instead of a black one, with shorts and heels. She looks like a hooker, which makes sense because it is trashy for her to think on any level it is okay for her to go to Tamra’s dinner.  This woman needs to go.

Heather is doing a radio show and reminds us her “career” involved a lot of radio.  She’s so pretentious.  Alexis is talking to Lydia about Heather and Lydia shares that Heather outed her fake ring.  This show is ridiculous. They hate each other and spend all their time one upping each other, or knocking each other down.  I’m also pissed off that Lydia is pretending she does not know who anyone other than Alexis is.

When these new chicks say they don’t watch the shows they are lying. Heather and Terry are going out with Lydia and Doug for dinner.  Heather is still thinking she has a shot in hell of her house being on the cover.  It was all scripted for the new chick Heather.   Cut to Gretchen who is dropping Slade to the airport as his son has another brain surgery.  The boy is so sick, yet Gretchen makes it about her. Slade is a loser.

It is time for Tamra’s party of hate.  She is regretting allowing Alexis to come, and Gretchen is causing problems before Alexis even arrives, by pushing her agenda with Tamra.  The agenda being not allowing Tamra and Vicki to be friends.  Alexis congratulates Tamra and gives her a bottle of wine. She then gets delusional and thinks Tamra gave her a tour, when really she gave Lydia a tour and Alexis tagged along.  Such a loser.

Everyone is talking under their breath and clearly not pleased with each other.  It is stupid. Cut to Vicki talking about her grandson by saying she has a baby, and Gretchen jumping all over her for saying it is her baby. Gretchen is a moron, and a whore, and nothing but trouble.  She really is a mean and nasty woman, as is every single person on this show.  Lydia may not be, but she’s new so give her a minute. She’ll get there.

Vicki congratulates Tamra and tells her it is a new start, but Tamra wants to know why Alexis bothered to come. They are all ganging up on Alexis, and the poor girl is trying to handle it nicely, but it goes to hell quickly.  It’s not bullying really, but it is mean, hurtful, and immature.  Alexis should never have gone, and as it becomes apparent to all, she is kicked out by Tamra. Tamra lets Vicki know she can get out too.  Just awful.

That these women are unaware of how they are humiliating themselves and their children proves that they are in fact really dumb.  I simply cannot blog about them anymore.  It truly is painful.  They are a wretched bunch that hates each other, so they cannot be surprised that we hate all for them too. They are not entertaining, not interesting, and not worthy of our time.  The OC needs a new cast if Bravo wants us to stick with them. Just keeping it real.

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