October 2, 2011 | 9:00 pm

Bethenny Frankel, Reality Star, Has No Grasp on Reality

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Bethenny Frankel was on Ellen this week and it was fascinating.  She cannot stop lying, and when her lies were questioned by Ellen, she lies over the lies.  You can actually watch her dig herself into a hole and it’s interesting to see.  I honestly don’t know how she does it.

Bethenny has no apparent grasp on reality.  She is rude to Ellen, and has no understanding of conversation etiquette.  Rule 1:  When someone is talking, listen.  Do not talk over them, louder, to drown out what they say, to make your point heard.  Especially when your point is stupid.

It’s no secret I have issues with Bethenny.  I used to really like her, but she has become ridiculous and I find that I am now laughing at her, more than I am with her.  She is self-centered and her only goal is to be famous.  She lies about everything, including her lost at sea story.

Sidebar:  If you don’t follow Bethenny on Twitter, don’t bother. She is boring and insanely selfish.  She usually talks about herself, occasionally about her baby, and never about her husband.  She only responds to people who praise her, and she is constantly selling something.

So the Ellen visit starts with her coming out and dancing, and it’s all good. The second she opens her mouth however, she is classic Bethenny and the lies starts flowing like Niagara Falls.  Ellen asks her about being stranded at sea, and Bethenny is rude to her, which was interesting.

Bethenny says that her therapist suggested they go on a “team building” exercise as having been married two years, there are bumps in her marriage. Listen, the bumps have nothing to with time, but more to do with her getting pregnant and marrying a stranger.

Important to note that I love therapy but I would never socialize with my therapist, and furthermore, if there was something he wanted me and my husband to do, to make our marriage stronger, I would not take a film crew to capture every moment of our rebuilding.

Plus, what kind of a therapist agrees to have his sessions filmed for television?  Perhaps the fame whore kind, but I digress.  She is telling us that Jason was set to cook on the boat, which is interesting.  We have never seen her cook, but he is going to cook now.

She is talking about how they got hit by a wave and it was violent, yet she says Jason slept through it.  She says the Coast Guard was called to help, yet they sent a tow company to “rescue” them.  Ellen asks the logical question of why the Coast Guard did not come themselves.

Bethenny panics for a second because she did not prepare a proper lie, and scrambles to say that the Coast Guard does not do rescues unless someone is bleeding or in dire need of help.  Really?  The Coast Guard hangs around for the big stuff and sends in fishermen for the rest?

Ellen is trying to understand what happened, but Bethenny gets pissy with all the questions, and even Ellen jokes that she does not need to get mad at her, she’s just trying to figure out what happened.  Bethenny is in need of a real therapist, not a guy who plays one on TV.

Then the show got confusing because Bethenny references her “therapist” and says he’s a great sailor, and refers to a video we saw, but we were shown nothing.  Did they show footage, then edit it out?  Did Ellen realize it was a big scam and did not want her show to be a part of it?

Ellen comments that the guy who towed her in went to the press and complained that she did not tip him. He’s actually commented here on my blog, and his issue was not with the tip, but with the fabrication of her story.  It simply did not happen as she would like us to believe.

Bethenny assures us she did tip him, and would have even slept with him as a thank you.  If she were single, that would be quite funny.  But considering she is married, and a mother,  it was not funny, but vulgar. It’s so sad that this is the legacy she is creating for her kid.

Ellen jokingly tells Bethenny the tow guy is there, and all color drains from her face before Ellen can tell her it’s a joke.  That is brilliant television.  Then all the fun ends when Bethenny does a segment on how to save money and be fashionable. Why would we care about her opinion?

It’s a silly set up for her talk show and I’m not watching.  The thought of a Bethenny talk show is unfathomable to me.  That said, I will watch, and blog because while she has a lot of fans, there are just as many of us who don’t get it, and when it comes to Bethenny, like to keep it real.

September 30, 2011 | 6:50 pm

Back to Back Jersey Shore Tests My Love Affair With Snooki

Posted by Ilana Angel

I missed Jersey Shore last week so I just sat through 2 hours. Two hours of Jersey Shore makes me want to kill myself.  By kill myself of course I mean I want to kill one of them.  I would never do that for real. It would only keep them on TV longer.

I have loved these kids since we first saw them.  By kids, of course I mean everyone but Mike, who I am convinced is 40.  They have been fun to watch, but those days may be over.  There is no good reason why their fifteen minutes are not up.  I don’t get it.

Last week started with Snooki hitting a cop car and losing her international drivers license.  If they were dumb enough to give her one, it’s their own fault.  Snooki is oddly proud of herself, and very excited that her boyfriend is coming to visit.  Jenni, not so much.

Roger is not able to visit her, because he can’t get the time off of work.  She is crying and I feel for her.  She seems really lovely.  Even with her occasional outburst of violence, still sweet.  Deena and Sammi take her out, while Snooks stays home to rest.

Stalker Brittney comes to visit unannounced, so Snooki lets her in and tells her to wait in Mike’s bed.  Meanwhile back at the bar, Mike is on his way home with another girl. Snooki messing with Brittney is hilarious.  Snooki needs her own show, but only for one episode.

Mike gets home with a girl he is certain is DTF, but when he sees Brit, he sends the new girl home and settles on getting it in with Brittney,  It’s really gross.  In the morning, he sends her out, barefoot, into a cab.  How proud this girl’s mother must be of her baby.

Jionni is on his way and Snooki is freaking out.  He is a really cute kid.  Mike sees him and is convinced Jionni is “curious” about him.  Mike is such a schmuck.  He is a troublemaker and you know he’s on a mission to mess things up for Snooki.  He’s an odd old man.

Everyone goes to a club and Mike is spending the entire night trying to cause a situation.  He is waiting to fight with Jionni, which makes Snooki tense, and I now believe Snooki had sex with Mike, after she started dating Jionni, so Mike was telling the truth.

They relocate to club number two and the serious drinking begins.  Everyone is getting hammered, Snooki is dancing, and that’s when we have a situation. Snooki is wasted and dancing like a whore, showing her lady parts to anyone who is interested.  Jionni is done.

He is embarrassed and heads home.  Literally, home.  Snooki is chasing after him, screaming through the streets of Florence.  Snooks is belligerent, screaming like a mental patient, Jenni is trying to help her, but Snooki is losing her mind and having a nervous breakdown.

Snooki is crying, letting us all know she does not deserve this right now, and talking to a car, saying it’s stupid Ronnie is chasing after Jionni trying to calm him down, but he’s done.  He just told her he never loved anyone so much, now he is packing his stuff to go.

Snooki is drunk, crying, falling, and ridiculous, while Jenni is screaming through the streets looking for Jionni.  At one point she takes her shoes off and you can see the end of her tan.  It’s hilarious how dark her legs are, only to see her glow in the dark white feet.

Sidebar:  Vinny is a really nice guy.  A pig to be sure, but he has a kind heart and it’s a shame that this show is how we know him because no matter how sweet he is, his piggish ways will always trump that, and he will be a douchebag.  Charming, but still a douche.

Jionni finds his way back to the house, packs up his stuff and leaves to go back to Jersey.  He’s there less than 24 hours.  Poor Snooki.  Nobody ever told her flashing her boobs and crotch to complete strangers was not good for a relationship.  How sad for her.

In an attempt to get Jionni back, she tells him he is mean, an idiot, and stupid.  She let’s him know she hates him too.  Good call.  He is over it, which is a little dramatic, but understandable.  He dumps her and the only one who gets it is Sam, who sees herself.

Sammi apologizes to everyone for the drama she caused and it’s hilarious because you know it will be her turn again soon.  And so last week ends with Jionni heading back to Jersey without a good bye. She is heartbroken and does not get why he left her.

Tonight’s episode starts with Snooki sober, and calling Jionni’s cell phone nonstop.  She gets dressed and does what any girl would do when she has a broken heart, and does not know where her boyfriend is.  She goes out for a beer, and talks to strangers.

Snooki calls her dad for a pep talk, and demands that he explain it, but fails to tell him what she did.  Now her dad is pissed off and stressed out for no reason.  The whole entire thing is lame.  This show is lame.  I watch this show, so I am lame.  I need to stop.

Important to note that in a world where people are famous for no reason, at least Snooki is funny, unlike Kim Kardashian, who is a porn star, or Bethenny, who is a compulsive liar.  If we are going to watch the lives of people for no reason, at least Snooki is entertaining.

I’m bored with this show and perhaps the trick to watching Jersey Shore is to only watch one episode at a time.  Two hours is simply unbearable.  Jenni gets Jionni on the phone and he lies and says he is already gone, but he’s not. He’s at the train station and heading home.

Then, just when I want to start pulling my teeth out with pliers, Jenni makes it all worthwhile, by calling Snooki Sam.  She starts referring to all the drama that Snooki is causing as Sam and Ron.  Sam wants Jenni to clarify that it is the “old” Sam not the new Sam.

Too funny.  Snooki and Jionni are the new Sam and Ron and the comparisons are brilliant.  Jenni and Snooki find Jionni, he tells Snooki he loves her but needs to go.  After less than a day, and watching his girlfriend strip for strangers, he heads back to Jersey.

Everyone is going out, again, and Deena shares with the camera that she might be pregnant. Snooki is beating up on men while dancing, and Sammi is painfully boring.  Deena then tells Jenni she might be with child, so Jen takes her to get a pregnancy test.

Deena is upset, and worried about how mad her parents will be.  She says she will kill herself if she is pregnant and if she doesn’t, her parents will.  Really? Her parents will flip if she’s preggers, but sleeping with men, and women, and getting drunk, on camera is okay?

How is it that she is concerned all of a sudden that her parents will be mad? Have they not been paying attention to what she has been doing up until now? Whatever. She does the test and of course she is not pregnant.  Thank God I’m almost through 2 hours.

Snooki is talking to Jionni and it’s stupid.  She is mad at him for being mad at her.  He calls her a pig and she take offense and tells him she is taking a break.  Is this what young people are like now?  She is like a child, not a woman in her twenties.  Lame.

Mike tells Snooki he loves her, and Snooki, without saying a word, acknowledges that they did sleep together, and tells him they are just friends.  He wants more and it’s very creepy, yet I’m finding Mike sweet, which is even creepier.

The show ends with Snooki making out with Vinny. Then when we are shown a preview for next week,  it turns out they have sex.  Dear Lord these kids are a mess.  It’s still entertaining, but one hour a week is the only way to keep the love for these kids.

I would love to watch an episode of Jersey Shore with their parents.  I get kids are crazy and do wild things, but this is their life, not spring break.  At some point they need to grow up and their parents need to step in and teach their kids to keeping it real.

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September 28, 2011 | 10:41 am

I Think Patti Stanger is an Idiot – Sorry, No Way to Sugar Coat It

Posted by Ilana Angel

I have been writing for years that I think Patti Stanger should be taken off of television.  She is offensive to women, Jews, matchmakers, and now gay men too.  I think her show should be cancelled, and this week I got a little help in proving my point from an unlikely source, Patty herself.

Stanger was on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen this week, and she showed her true colors, which happen to be dark and ugly, not rainbow bright as she would like us to think.  She is backtracking now and apologizing to anyone who will listen, but she’s so dumb she is making is worse.

Stanger told Andy that no gay men, none, were capable of monogamy.  She also said that all Jewish men lie.  She has also said that red headed girls have no shot of getting married unless they change their hair color, and women need to dumb themselves down in order to land a man.

She has said a lot of idiotic things, which makes sense because she is an idiot.  She went on the Joy Behar Show and denied that she said all gay men are incapable of monogamy, and clarified that she was only talking about the men in Los Angeles.  She’s not very good at defending herself.

She also stereotyped all Jewish men as being liars.  I’ve dated my fair share of Jewish men and yes they lied, however, it was not because they were Jewish, but because they were men.  Men lie.  We get it.  Newsflash Patti, women lie too, and probably more.  In fact, she coaches women to lie.

She stereotypes Jewish men as liars, but seems to forget that she goes on television each week and preaches to women that they need to lie in order to find a husband.  Patti is a liar. She ended an engagement earlier this year and said it was because she wanted a family and he did not.  Really?

She is a 50 year old woman who claims to be an expert on how to help women find husbands, yet has been unable to find one for herself.  How can you be an expert on something that you fail at miserably?  Patti is an embarrassment and maybe Bravo will finally see that, and can her.

Patti is telling anyone who will listen that she is sorry for offending anyone, while Bravo released a statement saying, “[Patti’s] comments are not representative of the network’s beliefs and opinions.  We apologize for the offense it caused.” Don’t apologize Bravo, just fire her.

I know lots of gay men, in Los Angeles, who are monogamous.  I know lots of Jewish men who do not lie.  I know lots of red heads who are married.  I know of one matchmaker who fails at her job, is not a very kind human being, and needs a big slice of humble pie, along with a glass of keeping it real.

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September 25, 2011 | 9:06 pm

Bravo Fans hit Twitter to Silence Patti Stanger & Millionaire Matchmaker

Posted by Ilana Angel

I am not a fan of Patti Stanger, or her “reality” show, Millionaire Matchmaker.  I think she is obnoxious, rude, disrespectful, bad for women, and bad for Jews.  She claims to have a 99% success rate, yet there has never been a successful relationship depicted on her show.  It is simply a fame whore skank fest.

She says she knows how to get a man, yet at 50, does not have one. She was in a relationship with a man she says she met through a matchmaker, although that seems contrived.  She was engaged, then ended the relationship and shared the news via Twitter.  How can you be an expert at something you fail at?

Speaking of Twitter, this afternoon, during a sixty minute span, I saw 73 tweets stating they want her fired, and for other Bravo fans to stop watching in an attempt to send the message to Bravo that the show should be cancelled.  They even went so far as to ask for a boycott of Andy Cohen’s show, Watch What Happens Live, which premiers tonight after Patti.

If I saw 73 tweets, and I’m not much of a Twitter person, imagine how many there really were?  If Patti were food, there would be a massive recall across the country to get her pulled off the shelves.  I have never seen a blog or a tweet that showed any love for this woman.  If we all can’t stand her, and we are Bravo’s audience, how much longer will she have a show?

Bravo fans are intense.  They watch their shows religiously, and take it all very seriously.  When it comes to the Real Housewives, there are many different camps, particularly for the NYC cast, where you either love Jill Zarin, or hate her.  You either worship Bethenny, or are Satan.  I happen to be in the minority as I love Jill, and think Bethenny is just as bad as Patti.

There are different camps on most of the shows, but when it comes to Millionaire Matchmaker, we are a united front.  One large group, shouting out to anyone who will listen, we do not like Patti Stanger, or her ridiculous show, and we want it cancelled, as her having a show at all is offensive to us as reality television fans.  I hope Bravo is taking notes.

You can’t have a show about love when the star is unable to find it for herself, or anyone else.  If I was a millionaire, and I was looking for love, I would never go to Patti Stanger.  She is a hot mess and her staff looks like a joke.  I would never give them my money, which makes sense since all the millionaires on her show get her services for free.

On the episode tonight, one of the “millionaires” is the hypnotherapist that she uses on the show.  She cannot get a real millionaire to come on her fake show so she needs to use people she uses on her show?  Are we supposed to believe he is a millionaire?  This show is ridiculous and should never have been made.  Cancel it and we will forgive you Bravo.

The time will come when she won’t be able to give her services away, and that will be the day her show is cancelled.  Twitter might help that day come quicker.  There is nothing appealing or charming about this woman. She is an embarrassment to women, and has all the horrible stereotypes that Jewish women are labeled with.

I have met Patti Stanger, and she was a total bitch to me and my friends.  She was quite tiny in person, and very pretty.  To clarify, it was a couple of years ago, before she injected her face to hell and back, so I’m not sure how she looks now.  She was really horrible and we walked away thinking she was nasty.

She has had her 15 minutes and it’s time to go because she should only have been given 5.  She is not good at her job, and should move to Vegas and open a call girl service.  If you don’t believe me, just go to Twitter and follow some Bravo fans.  We are focused, we are on a mission, we are united, and we are keeping it real.

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September 22, 2011 | 10:15 am

Does Bethenny Frankel’s True Hollywood Story prove she lies?

Posted by Ilana Angel

I think Bethenny Frankel is bad for women, for a lot of reasons, and I simply do not understand why she is so popular.  I mean, I get that people watcher her because I do, but I do not get why women idolize her, want to be like her, and consider her a role model.  Why?

I watched the E! True Hollywood Story about her on Wednesday night, and it just made me more sure that this woman may be a compulsive liar, with a distorted memory, an eating disorder, unethical business practices, bad reputations with men, and no honesty gene.

I like THS, but this one was delusional.  To start with, Bethenny is so painfully thin, it is disturbing.  She is skeletal and it’s sad.  To hear her speak of her parents is fascinating.  She seems to lie constantly about her parents and it’s so sad that she vilifies her father.

I met the legendary Bobby Frankel years ago and he was lovely.  I get that meeting him at an event is not the same as him being your dad, but to speak so brutally of him, after he has passed, is not nice.  She flip flops about what he exactly he did to her.

She trashes her dad, yet does not have the same venom for her mother anymore.  Can we assume it’s because she will talk to her mother on her show at some point for ratings?  She needs to be careful so she will do it.  I think her mother should publicly set the record straight.

In learning of her childhood, it would appear that Bethenny was wild.  She was spoiled and had access to money, which her childhood friends tell us, yet she always says she was given nothing as a child.  Bethenny appears to be lying which translates to her duping her fans.

She has spoken about how she was “shipped” off to boarding school, yet on the THS she tells us she “asked” to go away.  Do you see a pattern here? She manipulates the truth, and I have no idea how she keeps it all straight. The lies seem to pile up all around her.

Her childhood friends sound just like her.  Clearly there was a lot of coaching happening.  It’s pathetic.  Her friends are telling us she had dreams of fame since childhood, and clearly she was willing to do anything, or anyone, to get it.  She needs to keep notes to track the lies.

She met a guy from NBC, while flying to LA, and gets a job that gets her career going.  She fails to mention that she was on her way to see her dad, the same dad that she says she had no relationship with.  Her father loved her, and she used him as she does everyone.

Bethenny says she graduated from NYU, but I’m not sure that she did.  She moved to LA without attending her graduation, or getting her diploma? Really?  Such a crap fest.  She coasts over her acting career and says she became a huge event planner in LA.

I worked as an event planner in the entertainment industry in LA for 15 years, and I can assure you her recollection of her event planning career is very entertaining.  I just don’t get why people are not calling her out on her lies, when there are so many people who know the truth.

Her friends are telling us that she was never without a boyfriend, and never with a guy without money.  She agrees to marry a guy, whose family she destroyed, only to break up with him.  I pray my son does not ever date a girl like Bethenny, as no good can ever come of that.

I’m at minute 36 of her THS and I am finding it hard to breathe through the stench of crap.  Bethenny is talking about Jill Zarin and how she got on housewives.  Bethenny owes her success and the speed in which she found it, to Jill.  If she thinks we don’t know that, she is unwell.

The THS says that Jason #1 broke up with her on national television, but I seem to recall Jill telling her that maybe they needed to break up as he was not the one.  She was not that into him, yet we are supposed to believe now that she was devastated by the loss?

She goes through men like toilet paper, having ended serious relationships with 3 men, but we’re supposed to buy that this break up, her “star making” moment, was devastating?  Bethenny cares about Bethenny, and Jason #1 is thanking God right now that he got out.

Listening to her talk of the beginning of the Skinnygirl Margarita is nauseating.  She is so full of crap, and apparently so is her drink.  The bottle is printed with “the margarita you can trust”, but says nothing about our not being able to trust Bethenny. 

She is talking about getting her own spin off, and how none of the other housewives were happy for her, but she does not mention that she had burned all her bridges by then.  She was attacked to be sure, but she was horrible.  She crossed over from funny to mean.

She even says that the fight with Jill was jeopardizing her career.  She was never upset about fighting with Jill,  only about not getting famous.  In the midst of the fighting with Jill, and her selling bottles of crap, her dad was battling cancer and about to pass away.

In the THS she says that he called her, and she asked if she could come and he responded, yeah, she could come.  But on her show she told us that he summoned her.  What is the truth?  She is crying over what she wanted to hear from him and never heard.  Really?

Could it be that she is crying because she felt bad for all the lies?  Or perhaps relief that he was dying, and could never speak out against her lies? Bobby Frankel was loved and respected by many, and I simply do not buy all the Daddy Dearest stories Bethenny says about him.

She is saying that she wants to inspire women, so they can overcome everything they’ve been though, and find success and happiness.  Really?  If we sleep our way through men, abuse our parents, stop eating, and master the art of lying, we can have it all too?

I will continue to watch Bethenny because she is interesting.  Getting away with lies is fascinating, and watching people scramble to remember the lies, is good television.  I think she will reconnect with her mom, and mortify her child on television for a few more dollars.

I wish Bethenny no ill will.  Mazel tov for all she has accomplished.  If she were willing to admit she had a childhood of privilege, and while not perfect, not as bad as she’s created in her mind, I would respect her.  Her path is not about overcoming adversity, but about hustling.

She created a life of fame and wealth and that is something to be proud of.  If she had been honest, I would be on the Bethenny bandwagon too.  Instead I’m watching women drink the Kool-Aid, and waiting for Karma to pay Bethenny a visit,  to show her how to keep it real.

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September 21, 2011 | 10:37 am

DWTS:  We Have Spoken and Gay is Good!  God Bless America!

Posted by Ilana Angel

The folks at Dancing With The Stars managed to turn the one hour results show into two hours by giving us a “meet the cast” special. Tom spoke with each contestant for a couple of minutes, and showed part of their dance from the night of competition.  The thing is, we didn’t really learn anything about them.  In the end it was a time filler more than a bonus.

The results show was great and that is really all we need on a Tuesday night. Sidebar: Did anyone else think the laughs from the audience sounded like a fake sitcom laugh track? Also, the dance troupe is good but I the blonde chick needs to cut her hair, or at least put it up.  Her hair hit her partner in the face over and over and it’s gross.  Cut your hair!

When Chaz Bono found out he was safe and everyone hugged him, I cried.  I know there is no crying in ballroom, but I felt such joy for him that America did not kick him out the first week.  He did a great dance and he deserves to be there.  That both Carson and Chaz were safe is fabulous, and sends a rather loud message to those who tried to get them fired.

There were no many Christian groups telling America to not watch, and demand they were fired.  Some went as far as to say that we must not let our children watch because it would make them want to change their sex or be gay.  Some people are crazy and should never be allowed to speak, and I am embarrassed for these people and sad for their kids.

TV shows do not make kids gay, and I don’t love Carson because he is gay.  I love him because he is fabulous, funny and talented.  I do not love Chaz because he is confrontational, I love him because he is wonderful, charming, and kind.  If my son were gay, or transgender, I would love him just the same as I always have.  He is my child first, and my love is endless.

I feel proud of us a nation that these great men were voted through to week two.  I get that it’s a reality show and not brain surgery, but it’s still important.  Only when we can treat each other with kindness, and allow people to live their best lives, will we have a shot in hell of being decent people.  Last night DWTS went from reality TV, to just reality.

Just as I predicted Monday night, Rob Kardashian and Metta World Peace were in the bottom.  Nancy Grace was also there but I doubt she was not one of the lowest vote getters.  Metta World Peace/Ron Artest went home and he seemed fine, but must have been a little disappointed.  Next week will be great and hopefully America will continue to keep it real.

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September 20, 2011 | 12:54 am

Dancing With The Stars – Oy Gay!  I love Carson Kressley!

Posted by Ilana Angel

I love this show.  Its fun to watch, and allows us to forget about all the garbage happening in the world for a couple of hours.  It was a much hyped premier and I was not disappointed,  I was bored a lot of the time, but not disappointed. There were a few performances that made it all worthwhile.

My favorites after night one are Carson Kressley, Nancy Grace, Ricki Lake, David Arquette and Chaz Bono.  Here is a quick breakdown of this year’s cast:

Ron Artest:  He’s a fun guy, but no.  I liked his opening video with his little girl, but this is not happening, especially while he looks like Rodman. Thanks for coming by Ron.  Take care.  He scores 15 from the judges.

Rob Karsashian:  He’s a sweet boy, but no.  His opening video is lame and I think Khloe is the only interesting Kardashian.  He wants to last longer than Kim’s 3 weeks.  Good luck.  He scores 16 from the judges.

Kristin Cavallari:  Really?  A star?  The only thing her opening video was missing is a pole.  She did a good job, and her dress was beautiful, but I don’t get this casting.  She is annoying and scores 19 from the judges.

Chynna Phillips:  I remember when she was a singer and I dug her.  She looks great, but her dress did half the dance for her.  Not sure she is popular enough to stay long, but did great She scores 22 from the judges.

Nancy Grace:  I freaking loved her.  From the opening video, to her dance, I thought she was fabulous.  I like Nancy and thought she was entertaining. Surprising how short she is.  She scores 16 from the judges.

David Arquette:  Loved him, loved his video, loved his dance, love his wife, love his kid, love it that Paul Reubens was cheering him on, loved it all.  He got a vote from me, and scores 18 from the judges.

Elisabetta Canalis:  Her body is perfection, but a star?  If you spent three years sleeping the sexiest man alive, are you a star in some circles?  I love you George but she can go, and scores 15 from the judges.

Hope Solo: I loved her dress, thought she was good, and charming in her video.  I am not left with a strong feeling either way, but she was fine and will stay more for Max than her.  She scores 21 from the judges.

Carson Kressley:  Oy Gay!  I love you Carson.  I voted for Carson by phone and online.  He was funny, charming, and insanely entertaining, with a perfect Jagger impersonation.  He scores 17 from the judges.

J.R. Martinez:  He is a hero, and when he said he was proud of his scars I cried.  He did a great job and got a standing ovation from me in my living room.  He will get better, and scores 22 from the judges.

Ricki Lake:  How can you not just love this girl? She looked beautiful and did a lovely job.  I predict she will be in the final four, a lot thinner, but still fabulous.  I like her a lot, and she scores 20 from the judges.

Chaz Bono: Delicious. He was joyous and happy.  For a man who is under more pressure than any other contestant, he did a beautiful job and he got all my remaining votes.  He is very brave, and scores 16 from the judges.

I’m not sure who will go home first, but I’m thinking it might be Rob Kardashian or Ron Artest, and if I got to choose, it would be Elisabetta because I don’t know her so there is connection.  If it is down to Rob and Ron, then I hope they send Rob home as Ron will be more fun.

Tom Bergeron is the best host on television and he was robbed of an Emmy again this year.  Brooke Burke is pretty and does her job, but Tom is the host and Brooke is his Vanna. It’s going to be interesting to see how America votes this season.  I truly hope they can keep it real.

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September 19, 2011 | 2:04 am

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Vacation – Why did the Manzo kids go?

Posted by Ilana Angel

The long awaited trip to Punta Cona is finally here, but before I get into the blow by blow, can someone please explain to me why the Manzo kids are on the housewives vacation?  This is The Real Housewives of New Jersey, not the Real Kids of New Jersey Housewives.  It’s nice that we met them, but enough already.  Give them their own show and we won’t watch it, but stop shoving them down our throats on this one.

Melissa and Joe are packing for the trip.  I love Joe and Melissa.  They are fun, in love with each other, and their kids.  They have saved this show and I watch more for them than any of the others. Teresa and Juicy are also packing, and as much as I love Melissa and Joe, I am repulsed by Tree and Juicy.  They are disgusting and in need of serious therapy for both them and their children.  I am over these people.

Bravo needs to fire Teresa before something bad happens.  She is unstable and we have seen what happens when Bravo families are pushed to the limit. They better let her go or their hands will once again be covered with blood. Over at Caroline’s she is also packing, as is Jacqueline, who keeps trying to be funny but it’s not happening for her.  She also appears to have no neck, only a head sitting on her body.

We see that Jac has hired a young girl to babysit while she is away, which is sad considering Ashley is in town.  That said, I would not leave my kid with Ashley, but it’s still sad.  Ashley is not going on the trip.  Chris asks Jac if she will miss their boys and she says yes, but when asked if she will miss Ashley, she pauses and then says yes, which we know is a lie.  Ashley is no angel, but her mother should be ashamed of herself.

Kathy is packing with her mom and hopeful the trip will be a good thing for the family.  Good luck with that Kath.  They are off to the Dominican Republic, so let the games begin.  Once in Punta Cana, we discover that one of Teresa’s 9 suitcases is lost.  It is a huge bag that has all of her costume jewelry.  I guess you need a lot of that for a 4 day vacation.  Teresa has gone from unappealing to repulsive.

They leave the airport in a caravan of cars and some genius at Bravo thought it would be fun for us to watch a bunch of Guido, juicehead, monkeys take a pee on the side of the road.  Really?  Whoever had that brilliant idea is a pig, and must have worked over at Jerry Springer before landing at Bravo.  The image of Juicy going to the bathroom has scarred me for life.  It was all very National Geographic ape special.

Melissa is commenting on what a great job Caroline did raising her kids, and Tree is trying to suck the joy out of it.  Teresa is in need of psychiatric attention.  The same idiot who thought we like watching men pee, must be the guy who advised Teresa to let us know she has her period.  If it were not for Melissa and Joe I don’t think I could watch these chicks anymore.  I am now faced with 10 minutes of Manzo kids.

Why the hell is Greg there?  It’s not bad enough we need to see the kids, but we have to have their friends there too?  Greg is at least entertaining. The Manzo kids are sweet to be sure, but boring as hell. Everyone is settling in and I wonder why every time Juicy says something, Teresa tries to explain what he is saying, but it is not even close to what we heard Juicy say. Teresa lives in an alternate universe.

Everybody is going to spend the day out on a boat, but Caroline has a migraine and is staying behind. Teresa can’t decide what bathing suit to wear so she decides to try a few on and have the husbands and children of her friends tell her what looks best.  She is insane.  The best part is when Jac is interviewed about the fashion show, she holds up her hands to make a point and her palms are bright orange!

She should wear gloves when applying her bronzer.  It was hilarious.  I rewound it 4 times to make sure I was not seeing things, and I wasn’t.  Her palms are orange, which when matched with her apparent neck loss, makes her look like a freak.  Over in bungalow 2, Joe and Richie are having a romantic couples massage.  Joe is getting a rub down, but Tarzan is up and ready to go at the mere sound of his wife’s voice.  Oy vey.

On the boat, all the kids are saying Melissa and Joe are the hottest couple in the world, but Teresa is convinced she and Juicy are hotter.  Is Teresa high?  Melissa and Joe are gorgeous, and Teresa and Juicy are not. Final answer.  Her insecurity, jealousy and pettiness are unbearable and I find myself wanting to shove her off the boat.  A nice slow motion television smack where her head swings back and her hair goes flying.

The guys are going into the water and Teresa feels the need to tell the entire group that her husband’s genitals are great and very active. Maybe away from the show tree is a lovely person?  By lovely, of course I mean child protective services might want to check in on her.  Those poor girls are either going to end up in lifelong therapy, or on a pole.  This show will haunt them forever, which is very, very sad.

The boat trip ends with no bloodshed, and everyone stops at the bathroom for some sexual innuendos.  Dear Lord, this trip is making me sick. They are all behaving like college kids on spring break and it’s exhausting. Juicy, Richie and Albert are talking about restaurants and we are reminded that Juicy is a moron.  I wonder if he graduated from high school. He is seriously stupid and that he is not in jail is a miracle.

Kathy joins the group and that is it.  Teresa starts a fight with her, and it’s disgusting.  Teresa is a crazy person, and if Bravo does not fire her, I will no longer be able to watch.  There is power in numbers, and we managed to unite to get the NYC cast massacred, so we must do the same here.  Teresa needs to be fired immediately.  I feel very bad for Kathy, but kudos to her for keeping her cool and not yelling or crying

Juicy steps in and tells everyone to shut up.  He is screaming at Kathy and Tree to shut up and Richie does not say anything, which was a shame.  He should have told Juicy to not tell his wife to shut up, but he sat there saying nothing.  It was surprising and not cool because I expected more from him. Teresa and Juicy leave but Tree is still talking about the Christening.  I do not like this woman. Kathy came out the winner and Tree is totally the loser.

Teresa is delusional.  She is also the reason I will not watch this show next year if she is still on it.  I’m over it.  Next week is more of the same and it will be painful to watch, and even harder to write about.  Come on Bravo, you’re on a roll so fire one more.  In fact, if you are going to fire Teresa, give Jacqueline the axe too.  Bravo needs to man up and do some spring cleaning this winter.  Time to keep it real.

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