Posted by Ilana Angel
I love this show. Love it. Love. Love this show. Seriously. Love it. This week was brilliant. We start off with everyone talking about Melissa and the fact that she is insane. This is a woman who is unstable and needs to be medicated. She looks like a meth addict, has horrible hair, and makes me embarrassed for all women. This chick is a whack-a doodle.
Melissa saw Blake flirting with Holly and she is pissed. Blake is clearly a pig, in a fabulously Bentley way, but Melissa is crazy. Michelle from last year crazy. She needs to put away the crack pipe, eat a sandwich, and go to bed. That said, I would rather listen to Melissa cry than Kasey speak even one word. I find his speech impediment distracting and weird.
The challenge is men against women in synchronized swimming. Dear Lord this is good TV. The chicks suck, but watching Erica do her part, to what is clearly private music in her head, is brilliant. Their outfits are cute, Vienna is convinced she is the winner, and they have ruined the sport.
The men on the other hand are fabulous. They kill it. Michael wins a rose for being the best guy, and Michelle wins for being best girl. Chris Harrison is there and honestly, I don’t get it. I have met Chris, interviewed him for The Jewish Journal, and think he is a nice man, but he does not fit on this show and his clothes are lame. He is Ken, when we need GI Joe.
Jake is on a mission to get Kasey voted off and starts off trying to get Erica on his side. She is crushing on him and was going to vote with him anyway so he is wasting his time on her. He should have been working on getting someone new, not on a sure thing. For reasons that I do not understand, I like Erica. She is sweet, and dumb, and I want her to win.
Vienna is flirting with Jake and it’s creepy. Kasey is yelling at her and saying she is being nice to Jake, Vienna starts crying and watching them fight makes me think that Ronnie and Sammi from Jersey Shore are entertaining, and they are the most boring couple on the planet. I cannot stand these two and I wish Kasey would go home. Vienna on her own is better.
Kasey speaks horribly to us about Vienna. He is not even remotely appealing. Vienna is fake crying, which makes her lazy eye shift to the left. Between Kasey’s voice, and her eye, I am in love with this show. It’s date time and Michelle is taking Graham, Blake and Kasey. They head to a winery for some drinking, talking and a glimpse of crazy Michelle.
Michael takes Vienna, Ella, and Holly on his date. T’s sad because he is in love with holly and she is not feeling it. Well she tells us she is not feeling it, but leads Mike on in a weird way. These two are sad. By sad of course I mean she is not good enough for him. He is sweet and kind and it’s a shame he is wasting this experience by having a lingering crush on her.
Michelle is falling for Graham and tells him, which is weird because she just met him. She is going in guns blazing in a way that only Michelle can. She is still a loon, but next to Melissa she looks normal. Michelle makes out with Graham, and tells us he is one of he greatest men she has ever known. She does not know him. Psycho. Graham gets Michelle’s rose.
Mike’s date is horseback riding. Everyone is loving it except for Vienna who will not top complaining bout the heat, the smell, and the smog. Back at the house Blake is going to talk Melissa off the edge, as per Michelle’s advice. He is not into her, keeps telling us, but goes to her and gets back into it, she is so dumb and desperate she believes him and thinks he likes her.
Michael gives his rose to Holly and they have a one-on-one date. She keeps saying things that would indicate to him that she is still in love with him, but tells us she is not. I officially think she is a skank. He is crying, and telling her such nice things, and it is wasted on her. She is 28, but acts like she is 21. Poor Mike. He needs to get over her and move on.
Kasey is explaining how his brain works and how he is keeping the game going. He is a crazy person. Jake is working everyone, trying to get them to vote Kasey off. That these people have not figured out that Kasey needs to go home if hey want to win the money proves that the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise is composed of really, really, stupid people.
Jake hen speaks with Erica and it’s enough to make me vomit. She is flirting and he is oblivious to it because he is in love with Kirk. Jake is thanking her for her help then he goes the extra mile, in his attempt to not be eliminated and he kisses her on the cheek, which leads to them making out. It is mortifying. Seriously the most uncomfortably fantastic kiss ever.
He tries to touch her hair, which ends up looking awkward and I know he is doing what I often do. He has closed his eyes, gone in for the kiss, and imagines he is kissing George Clooney. We’ve all done it Jake. Back with Michael and Holly, Brett Michaels has joined hem on their date. He is wearing his signature bandana with the fake blonde hair sewn in.
I love Brett. He gives them some free therapy, and then sings the only song he knows, Every Rose Has Its Thorn. It is a brilliant moment of scripted unscripted television. Holly is going to crush him again and it’s going to be very, very sad. It’s weird to watch because the show is totally setting Michael up for heartache, which is a drag. They are mean.
Kasey is giving Vienna a gift to reassure her he loves her and pulls out a ring box. She gets freaked out and says she does not want an engagement ring. He is having this loving moment with her and she is a bitch. He tells her it’s only a promise ring and she is relieved and takes it. She is a whore and he is a moron. I think Vienna is still in love with Jake. Poor Kasey.
My poor Kasey moment lasted all of 3 seconds because then he started singing. He sang a made up song, about Vienna, with his speech impediment and I wanted to scrape all the skin off my body. I honestly would have removed my skin if it would have made him stop. It was painful and brilliant. I must question my sanity in watching and loving this show.
Erica is working the house, trying to get people to vote out Kasey not Jake. Melissa is talking to Jake and Erica goes to eavesdrop. I almost peed my pants because while trying to sneak up on people. Erica bends her head down, but lifts her ass in the air so you can totally see her. Rather than crawl low, she is walking on her hands and feet with her ass up.
It is so funny. Melissa is trying to save herself and Erica is still crawling around. Melissa is crying and being crazy. She confronts Erica, cries, threatens to go home, and is out of control. How did this woman pass a physiological exam to be on this show? Perhaps the person who does the background checks needs to be evaluated? I’m thinking yes.
Blake tells Melissa that he wants to be her partner, but no romantic connection. He is just like Bentley, only not as cute or charming. The only person Melissa can trust is Jake. She goes to him and loses her marbles. She is wailing, Jake is comforting her, and doing whatever he can to keep her there so she can vote Kasey off. Jake is a whore.
There is a final mad dash to secure votes. The twist this week is that no girls ar going home and everyone gets one vote for a guy to go. One guy is going home and it’s ether Jake or Kasey. Kasey is completely convinced that Jake is going home, and Jake is hopeful that he can pull off an upset and have Kasey be the one to go home. Desperation sets in.
There is about 15 minutes of plotting with the entire cast, which is stupid because we don’t care. We want the Jake and Vienna show to continue and if Jake goes the show will be lame. I’ll still watch, and by lame of course I mean fabulous, but still, I don’t want Jake to go home. Finally we get to the rose ceremony and as expected, it’s going to be Jake or Kasey.
Jake take Kasey aside and tells him there are no hard feelings and Kasey looks like he might puke. Kasey says he knows it’s Jake going home and Jake vows that if it’s him that goes, he is going to take others down with him. When we get down to just hem, Harrison tells us it is the closest vote in bachelor pad history. A weak attempt at drama. Poor Chris.
The show ends with Harrison saying the person who is safe is Kasey. Then is just stops! The screen goes black with no reactions shown and no sneak peek to next week. Net week is going to be good! I cannot wait! The credits win with asked guy in the pool doing his synchronized swimming routine and it’s perfect. This show is great, whether or not it keeps it real.
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire.
12.2.13 at 7:09 pm | Second week in a row of boring television.
12.2.13 at 7:12 am | I was bored with all the jumping around.
12.1.13 at 9:20 am | The constant end endless desire to hurt someone. . .
11.25.13 at 11:14 pm | They started off strong, but tonight tanked.
11.25.13 at 9:02 pm | Some of this episode was uncomfortable to watch.
12.1.13 at 9:20 am | The constant end endless desire to hurt someone. . . (3807)
12.2.13 at 7:09 pm | Second week in a row of boring television. (3151)
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire. (2979)
August 22, 2011 | 8:37 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I love Bravo but I’ve had enough. Not only do the housewives of New York need to be canned, but they need to pull the plug on New Jersey too. These chicks are insane. By these chicks of course I mean Jacqueline and Teresa. I think the next hit for Bravo should be “Melissa Loves Joe & Jesus”.
This pathetic display of television picks up at dinner with Ashley, Jacqueline and Chris, and her dad and step mom. I am so bored. I think Ashley is a bitchy and entitled young woman, but I also think Jacqueline is a selfish mother who cares more about her new family that her first born.
Jacqueline is crying and locked herself in the bathroom, which is childish. Everyone is telling Ashley that she needs to grow up, but why is nobody telling Jacqueline that she also needs to grow up. How can she treat her child to be an adult when she insists on behaving like a child?
Jacqueline does not understand why Ashley does not treat her better. Really? Is she a moron? Well, she is, but that’s not the point. If you are going to humiliate your child publically, and constantly embarrass her, then you have to expect that she is going to be annoyed with you and act out.
I cringe when someone tells to Ashley her mother made sacrifices for her. Who cares? We all make sacrifices for our kids. That’s what it means to be a parent. Ashley did not tell her mom to get knocked up at 18 and have a baby, so why should she be punished for that choice?
Ashley is a lazy brat with no direction of ambition, and I am not making excuses for her, but if one more person comforts Jacqueline I am going to scream. She has clearly made her new family her priority and Ashley simply does not fit in the picture.
At Kathy’s, she is having the ladies over for dinner. She has her “energist” come bless her home and clear out the bad energy. I believe in smudging my home but I do it myself, not with some hippy chick. Good for her though that she sticks to it even though Richie mocks her.
Ashley goes over to see Lauren about the t-shirt for the party. The party is a week away and Ashley has not done anything. Lauren in pissed off and trying to be nice, but she’s over it. Ashley cries. Again. Then tells the camera she doesn’t even want to do the stupid shirt.
Lauren tells her to stop feeling sorry for herself and get it together. Lauren sounds exactly like her mother and it’s funny. Seeing Ashley and Lauren sit at the table is like watching Caroline and Jacqueline. If these chicks are staring in the show in 10 years I will jump off a bridge.
Teresa and Joe go meet their lawyer because the judge has made a decision on their case. Joe Guidice is an ape and that he is making money off this show makes me sick. He is an animal and he and his family need to go. Teresa has become disgusting and I am over them both.
Teresa is telling Joe she is not sure what to say because she doesn’t want to get them in trouble. She’s so dumb. The lawyer says Teresa is released from liability. Joe is found guilty. Joe says the moral of the story is that you should never tell the truth. He is a complete moron.
Joe owes $260k. They will sell their belongings, pay it off, and it’s done. There is something so shady about Joe and his attitude about it all is gross. Teresa is in denial and at the end of the day, Joe Guidice should be in prison and I imagine that will still happen one day.
Teresa stands by her man and says some of her “Jewish friends” don’t understand why she stayed, and they would have divorced their husbands in a heartbeat. Really? I want to know who these Jewish chicks are and why it was important to say they were Jewish.
Jacqueline goes over to Caroline’s and they are talking about Teresa’s court situation. Kathy and Melissa are also talking about it at Kathy’s house. Melissa does not care and wishes them well. I really like Melissa. She and Jesus need their own show. She is truly the only entertaining one.
Caroline tries to talk straight on the whole thing, but is really speaking in circles. She knows he’s a lying, cheating, pig, but does not say it. Instead she sugar coats it and says she hopes he learned a lesson? I expected more from Caroline. Friends or not, she should have called Joe out.
Kathy’s party is about to start and Melissa is the first to arrive. She tells us when “Kathy cooks she makes love to the food”. If that is the case I think I’ll pass on dinner. Richie is hilarious and says with Teresa coming over, Kathy should not smudge the house, but get an exorcism instead.
All the ladies are heading to Kathy’s and gossiping on the way. Teresa is the talk of the town and not in a good way. Surprisingly, everyone has arrived but her. Scripted perhaps? Kathy has made a Middle Eastern feast and everyone is ready to sink heir teeth into the beautiful meal.
Jacqueline is once again complaining about Ashley, in front of everyone. Ashley can’t get a break from her mom. It’s gross that she keeps talking about it and that she is airing her laundry in front of Kathy’s little girl is just stupid. Caroline is talking like she would handle Ashley differently.
Caroline is the best mother in the world. We got it. Teresa arrives and when talking about the weather, let’s the ladies know it’s going to be cold and they are going to get hit by a “Norwegian”. This is one stupid chick. Why are they all making so much money and why am I watching?
Everyone loves the food, except Teresa. She is complaining about every single thing. Kathy gives all the ladies a bracelet and says something nice about everyone. She tells Melissa she is a good mom, and Teresa starts yelling that they are all good moms. Teresa is a complete bitch.
Kathy says she admires how Teresa stays positive and Teresa thinks it’s a shot against her. Caroline thanks Kathy and tells her she enjoyed the evening. She says she did not think she liked her in the beginning, but misjudged her and hopes they can be friends.
She tells Kathy she should totally be a caterer and tells her owning a restaurant is a lot of stress on a marriage, then Teresa jumps in and says she and Joe opened a restaurant as their “next step”. Teresa cannot be quiet and let someone else talk. Then she starts talking crap.
We saw the “restaurant” and it’s a small pizza joint. Teresa says she is going to be the hostess and wear gowns. Really? She is going to teach people to cook her recipes in gowns? Teresa is a crack head. By crack head of course I mean her head is cracked and her brains seeped out.
Teresa tells the ladies she and Joe are happy with the court’s decision. Right. She questions Melissa’s and Kathy’s loyalty by being friends with Kim G, then attacks everything Melissa says. Teresa is painfully jealous of Melissa. I find myself wanting to slap Teresa. Hard.
Teresa does not understand the connection between a Middle Eastern dinner and belly dancers. Dear Lord. She is slamming everything about the night, is offensive and should be fired. This show may be the thing that puts me over the edge and ends my love affair with Bravo.
Over at Jacqueline’s, Ashley is tsaying she is moving to California and the fighting starts immediately, in front of the two little boys. Jacqueline says she does not want her little kids to grow up seeing dysfunction with Ashley. Ashley does not seem to matter.
I would never speak to my son like that. I’m not in her shoes, and who knows what really goes on, but I think I feel for Ashley on this one. Jacqueline kicks out Ahsley in front of her two young sons and it’s sad. Chris is trying to fix it, but it’s not flying.
Jacqueline storms out but stays in the conversation by yelling from the other room. It’s a disgusting display from everyone. Jacqueline is loosing her mind in front of her babies, Chris is trying to talk to her, and Ashley leaves the room and goes to call her dad and complain about her mom.
Jacqueline sends Chris to do her dirty work and tells him to let Ashley know she has two weeks to get out of her house. Then Ashley yells from upstairs for her mom to shut up, and it’s over. She is going to be kicked out. Jacqueline is crying about whining about how she failed as a mother.
Newsflash, you did fail. Granted Ashley is a mess and needs help, but she did not get that way by herself. Ashley is carrying the shame and embarrassment of her mother’s teenager pregnancy and that is simply not fair. This family needs help, not to be on television.
I don’t think I will blog about New Jersey anymore. Watching lives fall apart is not fun, it’s sad. It’s time Bravo was help accountable for crossing the lines of decency, and these women realize that getting famous this way is not worth what they are losing. It’s time to keep it real.
August 20, 2011 | 1:43 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I honestly cannot figure out how it is that so many people are comparing this weekends wedding of Kim Kardashian to that of Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge. Could it be that so many writers are high at the exact same time? I can think of few people who are less like Kate, than Kim
Let’s review: Kim ran off to Vegas at 18 to marry a man 10 years older than her, then she got divorced, dated a bunch of guys, made a sex tape, got famous for absolutely no reason, is the daughter of a man who freed OJ Simpson, and a mother who whores out her kids for money. Did I get it all?
Can someone tell me how my list would align her in any way to Kate Middleton? There are tons of articles about the fairytale wedding of Kim, but aren’t all weddings fairytales for the bride? When did referring to “American Royalty” go from the Kennedy family to the Kardashian clan?
Kim is beautiful, and God bless her special day, but she is not even the best Kardashian. I think Khloe is the most entertaining. She seems to be the only one who gets that they are famous for no reason. She has a likeability and authentic vibe to her that the rest of the family is missing.
I am a huge fan and watcher of Reality television. I actually love it, and while I don’t quite get the Kardashian phenomenon, I have watched their shows. Good for them for turning their boring and talentless lives into millions of dollars, let’s just keep Kate, Duchess of Cambridge, out of it.
I wish the Kardashian family Mazel Tov on this special day. To Kate Middleton, I send my apologies for all the comparisons to Kim. In reality Kate and Kim have nothing in common and whoever started the trend of saying they do is either high or an idiot. I’m just keeping it real.
August 19, 2011 | 3:03 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Week three of Jersey Shore in Italy is once again brilliant. Knowing there is no such thing as unscripted reality television, Jersey Shore shines in a sea of dullness because no matter how much MTV might try to stir up drama to make good television, the personalities of these kids shine and translate into an authentic view that we don’t see on other train wrecks. By shining personalities of course I mean all the booze throws scripts out the window.
We begin with Mike sending his whore home in a cab. Ronnie and Snooks go to the gym for a work out but they get lost on the way so they stop to eat first. Sammi and Deena are also out to eat and Deena sets her eyes on a young Italian. Ronnie and Snooks find the gym and the old guy working there is a pervert who is hitting on our little Snookie. He gets excited and during one exercise she can “feel his wiener”. I love Snooki.
Cabs are called and the gang is going to the club. Watching them dance is hilarious. Who dances like that? Ronnie is having a ball and Sammi is wasted and wanting to have a deep conversation. She is a hot mess, and drunk or sober, this girl has zero personality. She is a wet blanket and I hope Ronnie does not get sucked back in to going out with her. If he does take her back, then he is an idiot, and deserves her as punishment for being so dumb.
Deena is making out with the waiter she met earlier in the day. Mike is with the whore from the night before, only now her twin sister has joined in. Mike is “twinning” and tells the girls they are coming home with him, but they are only his back up plan, should he not meet anyone better. Why these young girls don’t run the other way when they see this guy approaching is mind bogging. He has slept with so many people it is fascinating.
Mike is hitting on Snooki and it’s weird. He’s old enough to be her dad. Deena brings home the young Italian and Pauly and Vinny are making fun of her, she is screaming and yelling at them, then the guy wants to bail, she tells him to stay, and as soon as she is sleeping he slips out. Poor Deena. She didn’t want to go in the smoosh room, just cuddle, so she was in their room and they wanted her out. It was lame. She needs to switch rooms.
Brittney, the whore who made out with Mike, keeps calling and we appear to have a new stalker on our hands. She keeps calling and Pauly, Vinny and Ronnie, keep hanging up on her. It is hilarious. Ronnie answers and pretends to be Mike. He tells her to come over with her sister so they can eat. She is so dumb she cannot tell it’s not Mike and agrees to come over. The guys think it is brilliant and they wait for Mike to get pranked.
The twins arrive and Snooki is confused why they are there in the daytime. Classic. They go up to Mike’s room and he is shocked to see them. He is not sure what to do, but hand it to him for being nice, he tells them they can go out to eat. Everyone else gets home and the guys are cracking up because Mike does not know how they got there, or remembers anything about the night before. But he is working on securing a threesome.
Sammi and Ronnie go out to eat and she tells him she loves him, wants to get back together, and she will never hurt him again. It’s disgusting. She tells us she has not felt this happy in 20 years. She looks at the view, tells Ron it’s “romantical”, and his response is a heartfelt belch. They watch the sunset, she goes to kiss him, and he tells her she needs an Altoid. Oh young love. These two are pathetic and don’t deserve to be in Italy.
Ronnie tells Snooks he and Sammi are back together. It’s weird because he does not seem too excited about it. Everyone is laughing at them because there is just no way these two should be a couple. Pauly reminds us that he said if they got back together he was going to kill himself. Don’t do it Pauly! They will be broken up by the time you leave Italy. The gang heads out to a club. The dancing is fantastic and The Situation is creepy.
Snooki lets us know that one of the twins is a virgin, and the other one is a whore. Mike is looking to ruin lives and hopes to get his threesome in. As he is with the two girls, Deena goes over and starts making out with one of them, which Mike is none too happy about. Deena lets us know it’s okay because sometimes, when you’re drunk, you kiss girls. These twins are going to watch these shows and want to kill themselves. So not cute.
The girls are wasted and Snooki, though not “lesbionic”, thinks they are hot. Deena takes one twin into her room, and Mike has the other one, who happens to be the virgin. It’s so wrong, but I can’t turn it off. Back in the kitchen, Ronnie, Sammi and JWoww are eating and Ronnie tells them that Mike told him he slept with Snooki. Jenny is pissed off and goes to find Snooki so she can tell her about the crap Mike is stirring up.
Mike leaves the virgin in his room and goes outside to smoke with Snooki. Deena leaves the whore twin and goes to eat, so the whore goes to make out with Vinny. She is hammered. Deena goes to get her and the girl falls out of bed and hits her head. If I was the mother to those twins there would be a lot screaming going on in my house right now. Jersey Shore can be a teaching tool for young women about what not to do when out drinking.
Jenny calls Snooki over and tells her that Mike is telling everyone they slept together. It’s odd because Snooki is denying it like crazy, but Jenny told her in a way that would imply she knew it was true, and so I’m thinking Snooki probably did sleep with Mike, and is now panicking because she does not want to lose her boyfriend, since the dalliance happened while she was already dating him. Oh what a tangled web we weave.
I’d like to think Snooki is telling the truth because the pig factor on Mike is so high. Snooki is losing her mind, screaming at Mike, and calling him a liar. She is telling Mike she is no longer his friend and will never talk to him again, but Mike is standing by it, saying he does not lie, and in watching this confrontation it looks to me like Snooki slept with Mike and thought the secret would never come out. Snooks is not looking good on this one.
Deena is making out with the whore twin, but in the middle decides she cannot do it, so the whore gets out of her bed, crawls into Vinny’s bed, which by the way is in the same room, and sleeps with him. Dear Lord. I’m so over the twin whores. Snooki is still yelling at Mike, then goes to smoke. She is sitting with Ronnie and Jenny, and telling them she did not cheat. Then Jenny gets up and walks away, presumably because she knows Snooki is lying.
Snooki is not crying, just yelling. She is more angry than upset so it looks like she is lying on this one. Mike is a pig and a whore, but his demeanor says he is telling the truth. Ronnie is advising Snooki to call her boyfriend and tell him everything so he does not find out from anyone other than her. Now Snookie is crying and Jenny tells her it will be okay and she knows Mike is lying. I’m so confused about who to believe. This is great television.
Who is the liar? I want it to be Mike. Next week looks BRILLIANT. There is fighting, yelling, loving, crying and punching. I cannot wait. I am certain I could Google the story of Snooki and Mike to know what really happened, but I don’t want to know! I want MTV to unravel the mess for me so I am not going to investigate. I am loving this show and know that in the end, either Mike or Snooki will be forced to suck it up, and keep it real.
August 16, 2011 | 10:46 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Russell Armstrong, the husband of Taylor Armstrong, one of the stars of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, was found dead today of an apparent suicide. He was found hanging in his bedroom. He leaves behind his wife, who filed for divorce last month, his 5 year old daughter Kennedy, and two sons, ages 11 and 13, from a previous marriage.
Russell’s lawyer, Ronald Richards, told TMZ that Russell had been staying at a friend’s home, which is where he took his own life. He went on to say Russell was upset about the divorce and his financial situation, which is not good. He filed Chapter 7 in 2005 and never recovered financially.
He was only 47 years old and the pain he must have been feeling to end his life this way, when he has young children, must have simply been unbearable. Taylor said abuse as the reason for the divorce and that, along with all the other issues he was facing, clearly became too much for him.
It’s very sad and I am heartbroken for these children who have lost their father. We will never know what went on in their marriage, and good or bad, taking your own life and leaving your children, shows great pain. You cannot look at this family and not put some blame on the show.
To publically air your dirty laundry in this way is unnatural. This man clearly had issues in his life before the Beverly Hills Housewives went on television, but in the past year we have watch his marriage fall apart, and his wife talk publically about him and how he abuses her. How do you recover from that?
My heartfelt condolences go out Russell’s children on their tremendous loss. How does a mother explain this to her child? How sad that the legacy he leaves his little girl is his marriage ending on film for her to see when she grows up. May God bless the kids, and may Russell rest in peace. This show has a hand in this tragedy so let’s hope they keep it real.
August 16, 2011 | 8:55 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
This show is fabulous. There is no point in denying it, or trying to lie about it. It is really very entertaining, the people on it are insane, and it would not be nearly as good without Jake and Vienna. One might assume the people on this show are watching themselves at home and are embarrassed, but I think they might be too dumb to know how ridiculous they look.
Chris Harrison is too old to be hosting this show. He is painful enough on The Bachelor and Bachelorette, but he just looks stupid here. They should have gotten someone younger and funnier who could have added to the show, rather than Harrison who just looks out of place. Even his clothes don’t seem to match the vibe of the show. He does not belong here and looks lame.
The show starts with a competition straight out of high school. Everyone gets into bathing suites, are blindfolded, and the opposite sex throws paint filled eggs at each other upon answering questions. The questions are who are you least attracted to? Who do you want to go home? Who does not deserve to win the prize money? It’s funny, but very mean.
Jake appears to be the least popular of the men and Erica is clearly the least popular of the women. I don’t care about Jake, but it’s very sad to watch them pummel Erica. She is crying and it’s very sad. She is really dumb, but bless her, she did not deserve to be treated this way and you have to wonder if the money is worth the public humiliation. I think not.
Jake is very sad he is so misunderstood and nobody likes him. He is sulking around like a baby and could not be less attractive. Important to note that I think Jake might be a little person. He looks like a munchkin next to the strapping young men on the show. Mike wins for the men and picks Erica, Michelle and Holly to go with him on a date.
Mike was engaged to Holly and she called off the wedding because she was not in love with him. He is still in love with her and it’s painful to watch. The date is in a closed down mental hospital and I can’t help but think they could reopen it and fill it with all the contestants from The Bachelor and Bachelorette past seasons. These people are pathetic, but great TV.
The date is stupid, Michelle is weird, Holly is confused, and Erica did not brush her hair. Holly and Mike go off alone and it’s crushing. He loves her and misses her, and she just does not get it. She says they were just off and when he loved her she did not love him, then when she loved him, he was not into it. It was a mean and hurtful thing to say.
She broke up with him 6 months after she accepted his engagement so for her to say she was not in love with him when he loved her, means that she accepted his proposal without loving him. She is crying that she does not understand why he broke up with her. Really? You called off your wedding and broke his heart with no explanation. Holly is a moron and I love Mike.
Melissa picks Blake, Casey and Kirk to go on her date. Melissa makes a deal with Casey that she will give him a rose if he saves her next week. Casey thinks he is the Godfather pulling all the strings. He is certain he is in charge but his speech impediment makes it impossible to take him seriously. He actually has no speech issue, he’s just a dork who talks weird.
Jake is whining and complaining about how he is probably going home. He is bitching and complaining about Vienna and decides the only way to help himself in the game is to ask Vienna for help. Really? He is insane. How desperate must he be to think he can go to Vienna for help? Jake needs to give up on his search for fame, find a nice guy to love, and settle down.
In the most pathetic show of desperation ever, Jake goes to “V” and asks if he can talk to her privately. She says no. She will not talk to him without Casey there. He tells her she can bring someone with them. She says no again and he sulks off. I have met Jake and he’s a little weird. This show has now made him weird, creepy and completely pathetic.
On Melissa’s date she is talking to Kirk who is great. Casey is convinced he is safe and talks to Blake like he is the puppet master, then Blake takes Melissa off for some alone time. Blake then channels the inner Bentley every man has, and makes out with her, even though he is not attracted her and thinks she is gross. He calls himself a whore, but keeps on going.
When it comes to the rose, Melissa goes back on her word to Casey and gives it to Blake. She is emotionally unstable and falling in love with Blake. Casey is shocked and his feelings are hurt. Dear Lord. We are an hour in and I am totally entertained by this show. There is something seriously wrong with these people. Fame is truly a seductive lady.
Gia is plotting to get Casey and Vienna sent home. She is talking to Graham about a plan and tells him to not talk to Casey about her plans to split the power couple. Meanwhile Holly is flirting with Blake, who is a pig, and it is putting Melissa over the edge. She is convinced he digs her, but he’s into Holly and going Bentley all over Melissa. The breakdown is coming!
Melissa is a crazy person. She is 32 years old and acting like a teenager. I’m embarrassed for her. She is crying, saying she wants to go home, and clinging onto Blake, who thinks she is both unstable and unattractive. Everyone is plotting, Casey believes he’s in charge, and it’s hard to keep up with all the backstabbing and alliances. I love this show.
Jake still thinks if he gives Vienna an opportunity to be kind, she will take it. Is Jake high? She is not kind. She is crazy. He approaches Casey and Vienna and says he wants to talk. Vienna agrees to talk because Casey is there. Jake says he needs help and they are the only ones to help him. Oh. My. God. Jake has lost his mind and I freaking love this show.
Casey asks Jake if he deserves to be there and Jake says yes. If he wins he is going to donate the $250k in prize money to charity. Vienna says she knows he’s in debt and the donation is a lie. Jake gets beat by Casey and Vienna and just sits there. Jake is a liar, Vienna is a drama queen, and Casey is a schmuck. The crazy thing is that I feel feel bad for Jake.
How screwed up is that? I actually feel bad for Jake and his constant public humiliation. I also feel a little bad for Vienna because she needs the prize money to get her lazy eye fixed and Casey needs it to get a new tongue so he can talk properly. It’s so confusing to decide who needs the money more. If I could give the money to any of them, I would give it to Ella.
Harrison comes in and Vienna goes off about how the show forced her to break up with Jake on television and she blames them for causing her distress. Harrison tells her she is not being forced to do anything and he will call her a cab if she wants to go, and for the first time I actually like him. Bravo to Chris for calling her out. He’s still boring as hell, but bravo.
The plot twist this week is that no men are going home. Jake is spared his certain demise and two women are going to be sent packing. Minds are racing and the scrambling for survival begins. Jake is standing with Ella and Michelle and both of them are actually taller than him. Gia went to Graham and Graham went straight to Casey and told him what she said.
Gia gets caught in a lie, then talks about how everyone else is lying. She is losing it and saying she is not like them, but she is exactly like them and she got caught. She is quitting and going home. Crying and trying to leave with dignity, but we have been watching Gia. You are just like them and you left looking like an idiot, not the nice girl who got screwed over.
There is still a vote and one girl needs to go. It’s between Ella and Jackie. Ella goes into fight mode and scrambles to find a way to save herself. She aligns with Kirk, and he partners with her and is on board to save her ass. Kirk goes to Mike and Graham and gets them on board to save Ella and send Jackie home. Meanwhile Ames goes to Casey and asks him to save Jackie.
Melissa goes to Blake and tells him everyone hates him, but she is whispering which is weird because if everyone thinks it, then there is no need for the whispers. Melissa is a crazy person. She plays into the stereotypes men have of chicks being whack and I wish she could be sent home. Sadly she has a rose and is safe. I want her and Blake gone.
It’s time to send a girl home and Jackie gets the boot. I LOVE Ames and I am not a fan of Jackie’s but he loves her. He’s known her for a week, but he loves her. I hope they have broken up and he is the next Bachelor. Ames is sad that Jackie is going home. I honestly think this is the greatest man to ever appear on any of these shows. He is a little off, but totally divine.
Jackie says goodbye to everyone, and Ames walks her to the limo. He hugs her, kisses her, and puts her in the car. He walks back to the others, then waves goodbye to them and runs after the limo. He gets in the car and leaves with Jackie and then it happens. Much to my surprise and my humiliation, I started crying. Ames is Prince Charming and he made me cry.
Next week’s show looks fabulous! Jake makes out with Erica, Vienna and Casey start to crumble, and Melissa loses her mind. This show is so incredibly bad that it is insanely good. I’m hooked. Each show ends with the weird Bachelorette masked guy wandering around the house and it’s worth watching just to see him. Admit you love Bachelor Pad, and keep it real.
August 15, 2011 | 10:37 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Bravo is home to some great reality television. Now it is also home to two of the worst shows on television. I sat through Millionaire Matchmaker and Most Eligible Dallas tonight. It was painful and really awful. Do they really think we will watch again? These two shows totally and completely suck ass.
Millionaire Matchmaker is a train wreck and Patti Stanger seems to think that we know nothing about her, so she lies. It’s actually quite funny that this chick thinks we are dumb. Surprise Patti! We are not dumb, we know when you are lying, and we watch to mock you, not because we love you.
Patti starts off telling us that she broke up with her boyfriend of 7 years because she could not make a long distance relationship work. Really? She went to NYC to shoot one season, which lasted a few weeks and her relationship could not handle it? She is simply full of crap.
I have met Patti in person and she is quite pretty. Tiny and attractive, but a bitch. Not an entertaining, Jewish bitchiness, but a hardcore, mean spirited bitch. I think that’s what people saw in NYC and why she tanked there. To say she was begged to go there to help people is ridiculous.
Her staff looks like they should be on LA Ink. They preach love and marriage but none of them are married. They have new offices, and she is driving around in a Jag with a driver. She says she is too busy to drive, then in the same sentence says she is a lady of leisure. Which one is it?
Two fame whore millionaires are set up and both are cute, but clearly looking for 15 minutes over love. It’s pathetic. People who clearly don’t speak English as a first language script this show. It is sloppy. Patti also seems to have problems speaking English and makes up words.
Her criticism of the women and her bashing of the men is just not funny. She is trying really hard to be Kathy Griffin but it’s not working. She is mean. I happen to like mean, but Kathy mean and Patti mean are on two different ends of the spectrum. Kathy rocks and Patti tanks.
In the end, the seriously attractive but creepy guy gets into a fight with her, she kicks him out and he calls her a whore. I love that guy. I will not be blogging about this show again. I will watch to laugh at her, but not wasting my time boring you with this crap fest.
Just when I am convinced Matchmaker is the bottom of the barrel, we get Most Eligible Dallas. The people on this show are dumb. I’m not buying it, and just like when they tried this show in Miami, this show will come and go and we will never remember them.
Courtney: This chick is insane. She is love with Matt, and he is just not that into her. She is a snob and conceited. She is not that smart, not the prettiest one, and clearly struggles with the fact that at 29 she feels like a failure for not being married with children.
Matt: He is 28, average looking but a god in his own mind. He comes form money, acts like a player, is best friends with Courtney, and has no intentions of dating seriously. He is out to have a good time with as many people as possible, but has a little crush on Neill.
Glenn is a football player who has been traded a million times, which would imply he is not that great. He loves himself and has an ego that does not quite match how he looks. He has a great body but his love affair with himself makes him not that cute. He is a little creepy.
Neill: She is a 23 year old aspiring country singer who is also a single mom to a one year old boy. She is the youngest, but in week one the smartest, most down to earth, prettiest, and the only one on the entire show who seems to have any redeeming qualities.
Tara: She is very rich, saves dogs from the pound, and lives a couple of blocks away from former President Bush. I watch this show a million times, I will never understand why a woman with so much money, who knew she was going to be on television, did not get her roots done.
Drew: He works in his family car business and is gay. We know he is gay because it is all he talks about. I have never heard a gay man explain his gayness in so many ways in a two minute span. He has nothing interesting to say, and incase you watched and missed it, Drew is gay.
I am not going to bother to recap the hour because if I do I will fall asleep and I still need to watch Bachelor Pad. This show is lame, these people are lame, and I’m done. It is disappointing that after our loyalty Bravo repays us with this crap. They are not even trying to keep it real.
August 15, 2011 | 12:03 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
The only way to blog about all the current reality television would be for me to quit my job and spend all of my time in front of the television. That sounds like a dream job, but I cannot do it for fear of losing all my brain cells, and failing miserably as a mother.
However, just because I don’t write about it does not mean I am not watching it. I probably am. By probably, of course I mean I am totally watching it. I can blame my addiction on the fact that I write about it for work, but the truth of the matter is that I simply love it. Very sad.
I have not blogged about the housewives of NJ in a while for no other reason than Sunday nights are hard to carve out the time to blog when I am with my son. I’m watching, not blogging, but loving this season. It’s a little slow moving and somewhat boring, but still good.
Caroline is predictable. She cried when Lauren said she was unhappy with her body, which was touching, but refused to do the warm up exercises when she went with her to work out, which was selfish. If she wants us to think she is the best mom, she needs to walk the walk.
Teresa is gross and Melania is payback for her evil ways. That little kid is a handful. Teresa and Joe went from being entertaining to being disgusting real fast. Jacqueline is a mess. I wanted to smack the smug out of Ashley this week and my heart broke for Jacqueline.
Ashley was horrible to her mother and while we don’t know the whole story, the sense of entitlement is insane. Jacqueline wears too much make-up and appears to have no neck because she is always slouching, probably from being beaten down by her ungrateful daughter.
Kathy was cute when she went dress shopping with her daughter, but she is forgettable on this show. Don’t get me wrong, I like her and Rich, but they are not particularly entertaining and I would not miss them if they did not make it back for another season.
Melissa is my favorite. I love that she is all about Jesus. She won’t have sex on the birthday of Christ, which is a genius excuse to not do it with her horn dog husband. I love Joe, love their kids, and think they are the best part of this season. Melissa is reality television gold.
I’ve been watching Big Brother and it’s on so much that blogging is impossible, but I will say Rachel is the most annoying woman ever, and watching her cry makes me sick. The only thing grosser than her crying with no tears, is her relationship with her fiancé. They are icky.
Celebrity rehab is the one reality show I am embarrassed to admit Ii watch. I feel uncomfortable because it is unethical for these people to be paid a tons of money to have us watch them self-destruct. That said, I think Dr. Drew is the sexiest man of reality television.
That brings us to Jersey Shore, which is perfection. I love watching these kids. They make me laugh out loud and cringe all the way to my toes. I cannot turn them off, and even if I have seen an episode but come across a rerun, I will watch it again because it’s that funny.
The drinking, the smooshing, the getting it in, all of it is fascinating. Even the two most boring people on television, Sammi and Ronnie, are oddly fun to watch. I can’t get enough of this show. It is fun to see a life I never led and a life I will never allow my son to lead. Jersey Shore rocks.
I will be back Monday night to talk about the Bachelor Pad, which is painful to watch. I’m only able to tune in because of the brilliance that is Jake and Vienna. It also marks the return of Patty Stanger and Millionaire Matchmaker, which is the biggest crap fest on television.
Love it or hate it, avoid it or addicted to it, reality television is not going away any time soon. If there is a show you’d like to get my take on, let me know and I will happily blog it. The one thing you can be sure of, is that even when the shows don’t, my blog will always be keeping it real.