Posted by Ilana Angel
This blog is where I write about my take on pop culture and the people who are getting rich and famous for no apparent reason. From those who were once talented and are desperate to be in the spotlight again, to those who rise to fame by making a porn film which features them chewing gum and looking like an insanely bad sex-mate, these people are putting it all out there so I am going to write about it in the only way I know how.
I have been asked several times over the years to write a book about my take on pop culture, but never really entertained the possibility with any seriousness. That was until I met Michael Broussard. Mr. Broussard has read every one of my blogs and is a fan. By fan of course I mean he is a superstar literary agent and he digs me. We met recently and fell in love. I am thrilled to announce Michael is now representing me and my first book.
I had heard of Michael because he is a powerhouse and I have read many of the books he represents. I also heard from a few housewives, who shall remain nameless, that he turned them down, crushing their dreams of a bestseller. That he came to me as a fan of my work who feels my voice should be heard is a really amazing thing. I am excited to get started, and by get started of course I mean rip a few new pop culture asses.
I am thrilled to be working with Michael and sharing my spin on what pop culture has become and to the lengths people will go for 15 minutes of fame. By fame of course I mean they are selling their souls to the devil so we can laugh at them. Bless their hearts. It is going to be a lot of fun to write, even more fun to read, and a real challenge to steal Michael’s dog Dino, who is divine. If you read my blog you know I am going to keep it real.
12.7.13 at 8:49 am | What the hell is Bravo giving us?
12.7.13 at 7:29 am | I'm not going to lie, these women and the men. . .
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire.
12.2.13 at 7:09 pm | Second week in a row of boring television.
12.2.13 at 7:12 am | I was bored with all the jumping around.
12.1.13 at 9:20 am | The constant end endless desire to hurt someone. . .
12.1.13 at 9:20 am | The constant end endless desire to hurt someone. . . (4422)
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire. (4376)
12.2.13 at 7:09 pm | Second week in a row of boring television. (3678)
October 14, 2013 | 5:40 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I love following LeAnn Rimes on Twitter. She really is very entertaining. By entertaining of course I mean she likes to publicly unravel and has no shame. She is a media whore in need of a media advisor. For someone who writes about pop culture she is pure gold. The woman has, in my opinion, lost her mind. Putting aside that she is uneducated, there is simply no way she could be any simpler. Bless her. When it comes to LeAnn Rimes, dumb is funny. It is also offensive and aggravating.
I would like to share a few things our dear girl did this week to remind us she is train wreck. They are funny, sad, ignorant, shocking, ridiculous, and at the end of the day entertaining. I wonder what it must be like to get through life when one is so dumb. I believe she is unaware of how her actions are perceived. She appears to have no clue how much she is disliked, or how easy it would be for her to turn it all around. She has a mean streak however, so I don’t feel sorry for her.
1 - Rimes tweeted that her stepson was singing songs from her album Spitfire. Important to note LeAnn was the only person to buy this album, and it is all about her being a whore and sleeping with a married man while she was married. To brag a child is singing a song about the end of his parents marriage is vicious and shows mental illness.
2 - When her ex-husband told a TV show he had no animosity toward her and wished her the best, she tweeted she was over it and mocked him for even discussing her. Really? She has done nothing but talk about it for years, yet this lovely man says one thing and she dumps all over him. She is the one unwilling to move on and this shows mental illness.
3 - Rimes sprained and/or broke her fingers in a freak gym accident. I am unsure what exactly she did as she keeps changing her story. After posting pictures to garner sympathy from her thousands of fake accounts, she was spotted leaning on her hurt hand. It’s a miracle! Perhaps she broke her fingers over-Tweeting, or maybe it is a mental illness.
4 – LeAnn was photographed in an awkward and one-sided embrace with her husband’s youngest son, by her personal paparazzi, at the soccer game of her husband’s older son. She appeared to be holding him against his will as his mother sat nearby. You can’t make kids love you and her obsession with wanting to look like a mom is a sign of mental illness.
5 – Ms. Rimes like to tweet when she is drunk. We all lose our minds a little when drinking. For me I like to send text messages to old boyfriends. It’s not pretty, but it happens. It is also private, Rimes however likes to go public with her drinking, knowing everyone is watching, judging, and laughing at her. Clearly this behavior is the sign of mental illness.
It has been another interesting week in the life and times of LeAnn Rimes. She is filming her non-reality reality show, pretending to be a mom, throwing shade at the ex-wife of her husband, drinking, delusional, too dumb to understand what she is doing, and unwilling to acknowledge she is struggling with mental illness. Congrats on not ever keeping it real.
October 13, 2013 | 6:35 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
For the love of God. We are one minute in and I am already getting a severe lower back pain. They start off being fun and light, but they are going into the toilet fast and I cannot believe we are still in this place with these people. Nothing changes. It is dark and at the end of the day none of them like each other and for this show to continue is a waste of our time. Bravo needs to pull the plug on this crapfest.
Andy sucks at reunions. Sorry, but he does. He is more concerned with being a star himself than making these people close out the season with some answers to the fans that have made him rich. Andy starts by asking if anyone regrets something they said and it is bull. There are no real regrets here and the things they all say they regret are things that actually needed to be said. I must chug vodka from the bottle.
They show a tape of a bunch of name-calling and while the kids are entertaining, it is stupid. Caroline is asked about the idiotic things her kids say and that perhaps they are single because they are losers, not busy with work. Caroline says that is a stupid comment but I agree. Caroline’s children are not entertaining, offensive, mentally deficient, and in no way, in any lifetime, worthy of their own show. Ever.
Teresa asks Melissa about her saying Joe cheated and Melissa turns it on Teresa saying she called her a gold digger. Melissa is unwilling to take responsibility for anything she says. I truly believe Melissa is not mean on purpose, but more because she is truly stupid. Now stupid is not a nice word, but come on. This woman is dumb, idiotic, selfish, unaware, and unable to tell the truth. She has singlehandedly ruined this show.
Andy is still asking Juicy about calling Teresa a C years ago. Shut up already. Rosie is asked a question about Arizona and Caroline and Kathy try to answer for her. Caroline likes to talk for everyone and Kathy just wants to talk, seemingly unaware that nobody cares about her opinion. Rosie says Arizona changed her life. She quit smoking and started working out. Rosie and Juicy are the only ones being authentic and real.
Juicy calls out Melissa and Joe for being the instigators in all the drama and he is right. Joe says they were simply defending themselves, which is crap. Joe was defending his stupid wife, not trying to make peace with his sister. Kathy is talking and ruining the reunion. Someone needs to shut her up. Melissa says Teresa should not have filmed certain things. What? They are filming a TV show you dumbass. Melissa should never have been on this show.
Teresa says Melissa and Joe came on the show to ruin her. Joe says that Teresa had not spoken to him in two years. Does that not prove the fact that Joe and Melissa came on to punish Teresa? Joe says he came on to get close to Teresa, which is ridiculous. Joe is bitter and angry and it is sad. I like this guy but everything he says sounds like his wife. He is repeating all the things she has coached him to say. I feel horrible for Teresa.
Caroline is talking about Albert’s dad, insisting that he never hit his kids. Not buying it. Sidebar: Caroline not wearing a bra is not a pretty picture. She is asked about her father-in-law being in the mob, but Caroline gets offended and does not answer the question. She says her and Albert do not want to know about the mob connections. Bull. She knows. Caroline says her husband never cheated. Oy Vey. Albert cheated, her name was Jill.
Caroline lets Andy know his questions are of no value and calls him out. Andy stops, reverses with his tail between his legs, and we move on. He is as kind to Caroline as he is mean to Tersea. Andy talks about Juicy saying he was scared about court, but fails to mention he was talking about the driving issue not indictments. Andy is a pot stirer. They have stuff going on. We know. Let them be. We will learn the outcome and nothing Andy says will get the info faster.
Jac and Melissa are back peddling on their telling Joe he should go to jail. Convenient. Regardless of the pending court issues, saying he should go to jail is wrong. Teresa says she does not believe in karma, and only referenced it because it was a big part of the vocabulary at the Arizona retreat. I like Teresa and I think the silly things she says do not come from her being mean. Again we are talking about the legal trouble of Juicy. Enough!
Oh. My. God. Now Joe is talking about Juicy and his legal troubles. I am so sick of everyone pretending to care about this when you know they were all laughing about it at home. Their concern is fake. I honestly do not think any of them are not gloating privately that they deserve this somehow. For Joe to imply that Melissa cries for Teresa and Joe is laughable. Melissa cries out of glee. Andy needs to wrap this up. He is being a complete douche.
Melissa is now fake crying. Ugh. Andy is trying to get all Barbara Walters on Juicy and I find myself wanting to slap Andy so he snaps out of it. I might actually hate these people. Why do I even care? This is scripted television and I should not be this invested in what is obviously non-reality television. Now Jac is fake crying. Where are the tears of these bitches? Does Botox dry up tear ducts? I can’t take it anymore. Move on Andy!
Caroline is spewing crap and I’m checked out. This was a waste of our time. Andy asks if anyone has final words and Teresa says she was hurt by Caroline and Caroline jumps all over it. The entire show is peaceful and Caroline is going to end it by attacking Teresa. It was Teresa’s question to answer and Caroline is losing her mind. Caroline is an idiot and her attempt to go into her new show as the calm and peaceful leader is shot to hell.
Melissa chimes in and it is lame. These people do not like each other and the show needs to end. Caroline airs all the dirty laundry and says she does not know if Teresa has a good heart and she is done. We end on hate, which is a slap in the face to everyone who watches. Andy is an ass, Caroline is a bitch, Kathy is invisible, Jac is moronic, Melissa is a dumbass, and Teresa is buried under all the crap. I hate this show and that is keeping it real.
October 10, 2013 | 12:58 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
We all know I am not a fan of Bethenny Frankel and the truth is that she is not a fan of me. We see things quite differently. I like to write about her because I think her story, or rather the stories she makes up about herself, are fascinating. She likes to place gag orders on anyone who wants to talk about her. She is not talented, funny, interesting, or a good talk show host. Just my opinion of course.
I understand people like her and hang on her every word. I also know people want direction and will listen to stupidity because there is nothing else for them to listen to. They believe what she says in the same way they drink Kool-Aid. I’m not saying every single thing she says is dumb, but to invest in someone who says 1% good and 99% crap is not worth an investment.
Setting aside my personal thoughts about her, you cannot watch her talk show and think it is anything but garbage. She is not endearing or engaging, thinks she is funny, smart and charming. It is only a matter of time before those who buy her crap will see the truth. She is desperate to get big name guests, but celebrities are avoiding her like the plague. She will be gone by year’s end. The Internet is buzzing about her tanking show and even Ellen DeGeneres, who produces her show and was responsible for her getting it on the air is not only keeping her distance, but pulling as far away from her as she can. Queen Latifah is getting better ratings than Bethenny. Queen gets better with time but Bethenny won’t. The major difference is Queen Latifah is truly sweet and charming.
I have watched both shows and while Queen Latifah pulls me in with her personality, Bethenny repels me with hers. Will Smith and Jada Pinket Smith are producing Queen and they have gone to bat for her, reeling in big names. They believe in her because they know when push comes to shove she will not embarrass them. Ellen is clear she will be yanked into the gutter with Bethenny and the gutter is no place for Ellen. Reality fame is like porn in that not many people can cross over from success in one genre to main stream. Nobody is saying Bethenny is not brilliant, because she is. She made a fortune being a liar, so bless her. That does not mean she is suited for a talk show. Bethenny needs to stick to her ass juice drinks, raising her kid, and getting off TV. Only then can she keep it real.
October 8, 2013 | 5:46 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
The best part of any season of any of the Real Housewives franchises is the reunion. With a season that was predictable, biased, and not particularly interesting, I had high hopes for the reunion. In the end part one fell flat. While I like him and think he is handsome, Andy Cohen is not doing his job. He plays favorites and is hell bent on asking questions that embarrass and humiliate, rather then give the audience the things we want and wait for, reality.
Andy should save his one sided questions for Watch What Happens Live and let someone else do the reunions. Again, it is not personal, just a fan sharing her opinion. By her opinion of course I mean the opinion of millions of fans. We are tired Andy. The show is tired, reunions are tired, casts are tired, and you my darling sweet man, are tired. Time for new faces, and if you insist on bringing some back, not Melissa or Kathy.
Here we go…. Caroline looks a bit chesty, Jac has no obvious changes due to surgery, Teresa looks beautiful, Melissa is blonde, and Kathy is wearing so much makeup she looks like a Kardashian. Jac says things are better with Teresa and Andy jumps right into humiliating Tre. This is not the place for the federal case and we don’t need to be reminded of how many counts or how much jail time is pending. Reunions are supposed to be fun catch ups.
Caroline starts first and talks about how she has changed based on what she saw of herself the season before. Cut to a blatant commercial for her new show. I am not watching her spin off and am pissed off that her recapping of her season is more about setting up her new show than what she did on the season. Albert is called out for being rude to her and Carline defends her marriage. She then talks crap about marriage just like Melissa.
Caroline says she is certain Albert has not cheated, but then says she would be dumb to think he had been monogamous. Dear Lord. Albert cheated. Who cares? Melissa cheated. Who cares? Juicy cheated. Who cares? We are not that interested in who sleeps with whom. We just aren’t. Caroline is not willing to talk about Dina. She also says that Teresa and Melissa are the same, but Melissa insists they are not. Melissa is truly a stupid woman.
We are 15 minutes in and I am bored. Melissa insists she does not use auto-tune. Okay. Melissa is full of crap. I honestly cannot take it. She is drowning in lies. Andy is starting trouble and instigating drama. He clearly is not a fan of Teresa, and that is okay, but he is embarrassing himself. Andy wants trouble between Melissa and Teresa. I am skipping over this because it is a bunch of lies and we are not interested. They are all blowing smoke.
Melissa says she hires Joe’s secretaries and they are not attractive. If her marriage is so rock solid, as her book states, Joe would not care who worked there. Melissa is full of crap and her marriage, if I by her book, is not that great and rather archaic. Melissa says everyone who is hating on them does it because they want to be on the show. Probably true. But she must also be open to the truth, which is that she is not completely honest.
I believe Teresa’s take on Melissa having a deal with Radar Online. I also think Teresa is coming out on top here. She is clearly exhausted by the whole thing and I get it. Melissa has ruined this show in my opinion and the lack of respect that Melissa has for Teresa is annoying. Last season was dark and mean and this season is just lame. It is ridiculous that we are talking about all the gossip. Sidebar: Kim D is a disgusting fame whore.
We are now recapping Kathy and I just can’t. This woman and her family bore me. I’m flipping through. They are talking about Dina now. Dina has not reached out to Jac since Nick’s autism. Not buying it. Melissa who cried that she was moving to get away from Teresa, now says that was not the only reason. Melissa Gorga is a liar and her husband is a maniac. These people should not be on reality TV. We now recap the Gorga/Guidice drama.
Melissa says her sisters never tweet about Teresa. Dear Lord. Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies. Melissa and Teresa are never going to get along and Teresa will never be back with Joe as long as he is with Melissa. Caroline agrees. Juicy and Joe have joined in, Juicy is quiet, then Rosie joins in. Rosie should have been the housewife not Kathy. Andy then is a complete and total asshole to Teresa, which is just not fun to watch. Give it a rest Andy.
We then get a look at the Juicy & Rosie show, which is perfection. Juicy and Teresa are talking about their gay friends and it is unfortunate but not mean. They are simple and I find it as charming as I do offensive. They show the big Juicy/Joe fight and everyone looks pained except for Juicy, who is laughing. I love Juicy. Seriously. This show is stupid, Andy’s questions are dumb, Melissa is lying, and Joe is an ape. I’m so done.
Rosie grabs Joe’s balls and I need to wrap this up. It is simply not entertaining. Teresa is repeatedly saying sorry for shit she does not need to apologize for anymore. This is lame. Melissa is bitter and angry. Teresa lied, apologizes again, Melissa is an idiot. We are watching all the trolls and at the end of the day all the hate traces back to Kim D. Whore. Between Penny, Jan adn Kim D. the desperate agenda to get them to fight is stupid.
We move onto Dr. V and her visit with the family. I love her but she comes across as fake on the reunion. She is wearing too much makeup, her hair looks silly, she went from fixing things to looking dumb. Nobody is interested in her anymore and this did her television career no favors. She is a good doctor but she came back to RHONJ one time too many and lost some credibility. She needs her own show, not to be whored out here.
They saved all the screaming and bitching for next week. I’m going to need a bottle of something to come back for another episode of this reunion crapfest. This used to be the best group of the franchise and Bravo has ruined it. They over scripted, over reached, and over involved themselves. Next week they will talk about criminal charges. Again. For the love of God. Bravo is asking too much of us as fans by not ever keeping it real.
October 6, 2013 | 10:46 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I went to get my hair done this week and my girl was running a little bit late. By little bit of course I mean 20 minutes. If I were 20 minutes late for my appointment, it would have been given away, but I was asked to wait while she finished another client. After 15 minutes I walked back to see what the hold up was and saw she was finishing up the hair of Kim Richards.
I leaned over and said hello. Kim Richards was sweet and lovely. She is really tiny. A petite woman with golden hair and kindness in her eyes. She was immediately warm and very engaging. I told her she looked beautiful and asked how she was doing. She told me she was doing really great and then made a point of telling me she appreciated my asking about her.
She was going to do an interview and having her hair blown out for it. We got to talking about kids somehow and I mentioned my son was applying to college and I was proud beyond measure, but also sad to have him go away to school. She told me about her kids and how they were leaving home. One going to college, one having gotten an apartment of her own.
It took all my strength to not start crying. I am very emotional about my son going away to school. He can ask me to make him something to eat and I will cry because I know he is leaving soon and won’t need me to make him dinner. She spoke of her daughters leaving with pride and sorrow. In our brief encounter I related to her as a mother on a rather profound level.
There is a palpable sadness about Ms. Richards. Not anything that makes you feel sorry for her, but rather one that makes you pull for her. She seemed a little sad and it was very endearing. She is a child star, a reality TV star, a woman fighting her demons, and at the core she is a mom who is going thorugh all the things moms go through. She is just like us.
Ms. Richards was soft-spoken, attentive, funny, and also comforting. She was clearly sad by her kids growing up and moving out, but she was also very supportive and assured me I would be fine. She gave me a little pep talk and reminded me that our job as mothers was to prepare them to leave. It was an unexpected but truly lovely exchange. I really liked her.
I am a fan of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and while the commercials for the upcoming season look dark and mean spirited, I will watch, I blog, and share my opinions. I comment on what Bravo gives me, so it is not always nice, but I will view Ms. Richards from a different perspective based on our meeting. This is a sweet lady who is just trying to keep it real.
September 29, 2013 | 7:46 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Tonight's typo's are generously provided by Patron.
It is finally going to be over! It has been a very difficult season to watch, and even harder to write about. This show is all about taking down Teresa and the people doing most of the punching work at Bravo. There is very little entertainment value and we are only watching because we are addicted to it. Interesting that this finale is opposite the series finale of Breaking Bad. Both shows are doing some serious meth. Buckle up, here we go.
We pick up at Kim D’s event. I didn’t bother to blog last week because the show was a waste of my time. Penny is throwing Teresa under the bus, and Joe is saying he believes Penny over Teresa. Joe is a moron. Melissa is talking crap about Teresa and I am disgusted. Melissa is the puppet master of her husband. Interesting since she just wrote a book about how he is the boss and she is a sex slave who is not allowed to poop at home.
Johnny, Penny’s husband comes in and Joe is talking about Johnny’s tweet attacks. Juicy is there and it looks like a scene out of the Sopranos. Only not as interesting or real. Think about that for a minute. A scripted show is more realistic than this reality bullshit. Caroline says it is all Kim D’s fault, which would be fascinating if we cared about anything Caroline said. Teresa is calling out Penny on her lies, Penny is insisting Teresa is a liar.
Johnny says that all the crap Johnny and Penny have been saying has come from Teresa. Joe and Johnny get into a physical altercation, Caroline is calling out Kim D, and Melissa is worried about her hair. Jacqueline calls out Johnny for talking about her kid and the Manzo’s bail. Melissa is yelling at Teresa, while checking out her reflection in the camera and her desperate need to deflect everything to Teresa is very transparent. Ugh.
Joe and Melissa both tell the camera they know Teresa is to blame for everything. I’m so done with this show. Cut to Joe and Melissa talking crap about everyone, in front of their kids. For the love of God, enough already. I don’t believe anyone on this show. I am firmly planted on team Teresa but still, everyone is blowing smoke on some level. Teresa and Juicy are talking about what happened and I believe them. I do.
Juicy says that Melissa and Joe are not too smart, which I found to be hilarious. We are at minute 16 and I am pouring my second drink. Going back and forth between the two couples is lame and try as they might to make us think it is all happening at the same time, these talks were probably weeks apart. Cut to Jac and Chris talking about their kid. He is precious but we are over talking about it. This is all they ever talk about. Ever.
Kathy and Richie have gone over to Melissa and Joe’s. I’m bored. They are cursing, in front of the kids, and I am done. Kathy and Rich are sharing their opinions, which means it is time to fast forward. This couple is a waste of my time and listening to Melissa spin her lies is nauseating. The amount of time spent finding ways to include Kathy and Rich would be better spent finding a better writer for this crap. We don't like them.
Caroline is setting up her new Manzo show and it is lame. She is talking about how blessed she is and grateful that her family is not crazy like the others. She does not talk to half her siblings, which could be interpreted two ways. She is heartbroken and therefore not wanting that for them, or she is enjoying the tension so it is not just her who is troubled. The bottom line is that I don’t care. I will not watch or blog the Manzo spin off.
Juicy and Teresa have gone over to visit with Jacqueline and Chris. Really? They are recapping it all and I simply do not believe that Teresa would go to Jacqueline for comfort or support. Just not buying it. Sidebar: I thought Jac had her neck done? Teresa is owning up to trusting people she should not have, Jac thinks she is admitting some wrong doing, and the blatant manipulation of the truth, by everyone, is making me sick.
We are now at Blk. where everyone is coming to try their new flavors. They have added crap, vomit, and dirty diaper to the original ass juice. Bravo boys. Teresa and Joe are together for the first time since the party. There is tension. Blah, blah, blah. Teresa takes Joe off for a private chat. I love Joe. Shame about his wife. Teresa tells Joe she loves him, she is sorry and admits that she regrets anything she did to hurt him.
She explains she was hurt and angry. She tells him she met Penny and Jan for drinks and they told her Melissa cheated but she did nothing because she was angry. The bottom line is that Kim D started the drama and while Teresa listened, she did not say anything. Joe tells Teresa that Melissa is not better than her, and I love him for it. Joe is wonderful when he is not with his wife. They both cry and hug it out. Yes, I’m crying.
Teresa and Juicy are at the shore house, having rebuilt after Sandy, and everyone is coming for a BBQ. Know this, Milania Guidice needs her own show more than the Manzo’s do. Everyone is at the shore and watching the kids together is really lovely. Everyone is recapping their year as we wrap the season up. Kathy is building her dream home. The house that canolli built I guess. She should not come back and I hope Bravo listens.
Jac talks about Nic, because that is all she has to talk about, she fake cries and there is no evidence of her neck being done. She should not come back and more than our not wanting her, she should choose not to. Focus on your kid and call it a day Crazy. Caroline is all about setting up her new show and talking about how they all love each other. The Hoboken apartment is gone because you can’t shoot a show is an apartment. Whatever.
Melissa and Joe have sold their house and moved 30 minutes away from Teresa. Melissa is a liar and I don’t believe anything she says. Important to note that if you thought there was nothing Melissa did worse than singing, you have not read her book. Her book is garbage and anyone who buys it is throwing money away. Now it is time for Juicy and Teresa to wrap up and it is really very moving and sad. Crying again and on drink #3.
Juicy vows to fight for what is right, Teresa vows to stick by Juicy, and we go right into a one-on-one interview with Andy, Juicy and Teresa. Andy is not warm or kind, just jumps right into the fact that they have been indicted and face 50 years in jail with possible deportment for Juicy. Andy says he is going to follow attorney guidelines and will be respectful of the need to be careful, but he is just not compassionate, which is a shame.
I am uncomfortable watching this, let alone writing about it. Teresa will not answer questions about where her kids will go if they serve prison time, but Juicy jumps in and says they will not go to Joe and Melissa. I’m done. That is all I needed to know. I am over this show, wish Juicy and Teresa the best, and am praying for their beautiful daughters. This show is stupid and Andy should not conduct these interviews because he is too invested.
To wrap up the season I will say that this show needs to go away. It is simply not good television. Everyone has their own opinion and view, and no two people will see it exactly the same, but I will say that I think this show is crap. I love Juicy and Teresa and I wish them well. Time for Andy to start listening to the people who watch, and therefore make him rich. We are done Andy. Step back and step out. Time for Bravo to keep it real.
September 26, 2013 | 3:59 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Like most Housewives of Everywhere, Melissa Gorga is milking her 15 minutes to make as much money as she can before pop culture kicks her to the curb and forgets about her. From her “singing” career, to her new book, this woman is doing her thing. She is doing it badly, but still, doing her thing. Her book, Love Italian Style: The Secrets of My Hot and Happy Marriage is truly hilarious. It is also an embarrassing use of priceless trees.
This is a really bad book and while that is to be expected from someone who is not known for being a scholar, the depth of her ignorance is mindboggling and I am surprised it made it past the editor. I understand everyone wanting to make some money, but this is insane. I have interviewed Melissa and she is as stupid in real life that she is on television, but her book is not stupid as much as it is ignorant, useless, and damaging to women.
I don’t believe she set out to be controversial because I am certain she does not know what controversial means, but it was the responsibility of her publisher to draw a line where she could not. There is lots of talk about her condoning marital rape and the truth is that it is not a stretch. The book is silly and will not give you a hot and happy marriage. It might however give you unwanted sex, a bladder infection, and an eating disorder.
Without boring you, making you choke on your lunch because you’re laughing, or spit out your wine in disgust, I will mention only five of the insane things she tells us. The core of her book is the thought that husbands want their wives to submit to them, and wives want their husbands to dominate them, in all aspects of their lives. How does one say, “This is a load of crap.” in Italian? Does Melissa even speak Italian? This is a crapfest.
1) Melissa’s husband Joe says that even when a wife tells her husband she does not want to have sex, she is lying and really does, so he can have sex with her even if she says no. Where I come from this is called rape. It goes against everything I have every taught my son and I am amazed that the publisher allowed this to get through.
2) A wife can get anything she wants from her husband if she is willing to give him sex, or sex acts, whenever he wants. A woman must not only be available for sex, she must be open to trying whatever he wants, and put his needs first. Wives need to remember they can do anything for 10 minutes. Is this a marriage or prostitution?
3) Keeping your house clean, and having dinner on the table when they get home, will keep a wife humble. It is also the responsibility of the wife to change all diapers, feed the kids, and clean up after them. Husbands should not be expected to do anything in terms of taking care of the children. Is she a wife or a Nanny/Housekeeper?
4) Wives need to dress for their men. Comfort is not as important as looking good for your man. Also important to note that a husband is not required to wear a wedding band. Additionally, wives should not make a habit of hanging out with single friends because no good can come of that. Single girls are slutty, which is how she got Joe.
5) Wives must never, under any circumstances, have a bowel movement while their husbands are home. You must hold it in, or run to the corner fast food place to take care of business because a husband must never know that his wife poops. Pooping and farting is for men only. Can money saved on toilet paper be used for kid's therapy?
So, to review, in order to have a happy and sexy marriage Italian style, you must have sex whenever he wants, allow him to take you sexually against your will, clean your house, take care of your kids, let him keep his marriage a secret, dress like he tells you, and never poop or fart in your own home. Do you all have that? It is a short list of requirements to be as happy as Melissa and Joe Gorga, and we all know how happy that house is.
The fact that she has written a guide to a happy marriage and not included her husband on the cover, is a clear indication that she is a fame whore and this is all about her. Her book is silly and nobody can possibly take her or her book seriously. She is a joke and people are laughing at her and how totally desperate and unbelievable her advice is. She is just not that bright and her book will be available in the dollar bin by Thanksgiving.
This book is bad for women, bad for publishing, and bad for business. The Internet is abuzz with news her book signings are being cancelled all over the place. I would suggest she do her book signings at pet stores, in the kitty litter section, so people can buy it to line their kitty crappers. Or in the bird section to lines cages. Melissa wrote a horrible book and anyone who is surprised must be drunk. Melissa is incapable of keeping it real.