Posted by Ilana Angel
We start our painful two hours with Chris Harrison reminding us Ashley is serious about finding love, and that he is the most useless man on television. He tells the guys they going to Thailand. Their excitement at the trip is much bigger than finding out who the bachelorette was.
We see Ashley on the beach and she is telling us she really misses Bentley and wishes he was with her. I swear, this chick is a lunatic and why they picked her will never make sense to me. Her laugh is nails on a chalkboard and my new thing is to watch it muted with subtitles.
She is going on and on about how she needs to open her heart to love, and all I can think about is what a drag it is that Bentley left, and how many glasses of wine I will need to get through the show. Glass one is poured, and hopefully will not impair my reading the subtitles.
Constantine gets the first private date that Ashley is trying to tell us she planned all by herself. Dear Lord it’s going to be a long night. Their boat trip is cancelled due to weather so they walk around the city. It’s a gorgeous place but I am distracted by how bowlegged Ashley is.
They are having a beer and Ashley is once again picking her teeth with her tongue. She is going on and on about Bentley. This chick is the most horrible bachelorette they have ever selected. Even Alli, who was a nightmare, was better. These men should pray they go home.
She is at dinner with Constantine and now she won’t stop scratching her head. This chick needs to brush her teeth, get a toothpick, and wash her hair. She is telling him that she is insecure and I am simply disgusted with her. She is in need of some serious therapy because she is a mess.
Constantine is opening up to her and her look of boredom is hilarious. Poor guy. There is no chemistry at all between them, which I suppose is why we don’t see a kiss. It’s group date time, it’s pouring rain, and her outfit is ridiculous. She is talking about Bentley again. I’m so over her.
They are working to help out an orphanage that was built after the tsunami and it’s awesome. The men are all saying it speaks volumes about her as a person that she would pick this as a date. Really? She had nothing to do with the selection of this date. Why is everyone so dumb?
The kids come to see their rooms and I cried. It was special, and that the show includes these charity angles is lovely. It does not make us forget they are sleazy pimps for fame whores, but it is still really a wonderful thing that they do, and I congratulate them on this sliver of decency.
The group is together for drinks and again her choice of outfit is embarrassing, and she needs ChapStick. All she wants to talk about is Bentley and it’s so stupid. She kisses Ben F. and tells us he is getting more confident, which is funny coming from the girl with no confidence.
Ryan takes her off for a chat and we find out all the guys hate him. He is flirting and it’s awkward. Why is she wearing a bathing suit, at night, in the rain? She makes out in the rain with JP and the other guys sit there and watch. Odd looking Ames gets the next one on one.
Ashley joins the group and Ryan immediately pulls her away to say he hopes to spend more time with her. The guys become a bunch of bratty girls in their reaction. Ben F. gets the rose and it’s weird because she just made out with JP, then tells the group she is into Ben. She’s so immature.
Ames gets his date and he is sophisticated and lovely. He’s too good for her and will eventually get bored by how dumb she is. They have the most beautiful date I have ever seen and she is talking about how she could see him as a husband, but feels the need to mention Bentley.
It’s the cocktail party before the rose ceremony and she in interviewing the men she’s known for a few days, but explaining to us all she really knows them and what they are all about. I love the premise of this show but have decided, thanks to Ashley, that it is a big huge pot of crap.
Blake the male dentist tells Ryan P. that he is getting on the nerves of all the guys. The entire conversation is high school mean girl and I think it’s all rather entertaining. Important to note, I am now on my second glass of wine. By second of course I mean I am pouring my third.
Chris Harrison is there, which is a waste of time and money. He asks Ashley about Bentley and she says her woman’s intuition tells her there is something still there, which would imply that perhaps she is a tranny because her intuition is not just off, it’s non-existent. She is an airhead.
Ashley tells Chris she wants to only send one guy home because she wants to get to know them better and not send the wrong guy home. Chris says he will add a rose so only one goes home, and you’d think it’s the most important decision in history. If I did drugs I’d be high right now.
Ashley sends West home because she does not want to fill the shows of his dead wife, even though he told her the shoes did not need filling. He is sad that the one time he put himself out there, he is rejected. I feel bad but he is watching the show and sees he was blessed to get out.
Next week will be a lot of making out and getting over Bentley, only to have him return. Will he come clean and tell the truth? Who cares, just bring him back. Bentley made this show fun and maybe his being there will stop her whining. Bentley will be back, so I hope he can keep it real.
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire.
12.2.13 at 7:09 pm | Second week in a row of boring television.
12.2.13 at 7:12 am | I was bored with all the jumping around.
12.1.13 at 9:20 am | The constant end endless desire to hurt someone. . .
11.25.13 at 11:14 pm | They started off strong, but tonight tanked.
11.25.13 at 9:02 pm | Some of this episode was uncomfortable to watch.
12.1.13 at 9:20 am | The constant end endless desire to hurt someone. . . (3828)
12.2.13 at 7:09 pm | Second week in a row of boring television. (3183)
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire. (3018)
June 10, 2011 | 10:05 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
It’s our last week in Morocco and while I am disappointed it’s coming to an end, I’m certain that the people of Marrakesh could not be happier to get our ladies out of there. This episode rocked it out and they ended with a bang.
Jill is having another heart attack and explaining to Cindy, LuAnn and Kelly that Ramona was unwilling to apologize. She is not crying, as much as she is sniffing and heavy breathing to give the impression of crying. It’s hilarious.
Back in Ramona’s room, she is also doing the housewive’s sniffing cry to Alex and Sonja when LuAnn comes in and asks shy she is causing problems. Pinot is demanded for Ramona and Alex and Sonja are trying to get LuAnn out.
Alex is being weird and trying to take over the situation and tells LuAnn to leave so Ramona can breathe. Sonja is invisible and Kelly comes in to check on them. I love Kelly this week. She is the voice of calm and reason. These chicks are so high school that is both entertaining and disturbing. Sonja made a reservation for dinner and wants a medal of some kind. They fight all day and then go out for dinner at Café Bipolar like nothing happened.
The restaurant has belly dancing and some of the ladies getup to join them. There is music and a shot of Kelly bopping to the beat while she eats her dinner, and it struck me as so sweet. Alex is telling us she is wild. Whatever. Our trusted guide Mustapha is giving the ladies a tour of a palace. Ramona and Lu Ann are resting at home, Kelly has a great outfit on, and Jill will not stop talking and asking random American tourist questions about everything.
Back at the house, Ramona is resting and Alex goes to console her when she returns. Alex brings nothing to this show, we cannot relate to her, don’t get why she is there, and she is trying to make herself relevant because we don’t care. Ramona is all touchy feely and Alex is playing therapist. Ramona tells her she will need a wingman with Jill, and Alex is all over it. Just as she sucked onto the Bethenny situation with Jill, she will do the same for Ramona.
Alex could care less about any of them. She simply knows there is no reason for her or her husband, both of whom are unemployed, to be on the show and she is trying to find a way to keep herself from not being invited back. LuAnn, Kelly and Cindy are getting henna tattoos and Alex comes stomping down the stairs and into the tattoo area. Kelly is going on and on about how weird it was for her to barge in so angry, and not enter nicely.
Kelly is the best part of this trip. Alex insists on talking to Luann privately, but LuAnn insists she talk in front of everyone. Alex is getting hives and wants to deliver her speech on behalf of Ramona but they are not having it. She wants her “Bethenny does not want to talk to you ever again” moment but instead, Kelly and LuAnn laugh her at. I have no idea what Alex is doing or why she is even on this show with her gay husband.
Alex is losing her mind with anger and Kelly is explaining why it’s weird. Ales says Ramona asked her for protection which I don’t remember her saying, and she keeps talking as Kelly is shushing her. I cannot stop laughing. Cindy feels bad that Alex is getting steamrolled. Kelly just keeps talking as she leaves the room, telling Alex the entire thing is stupid, and her tattoo is ruined. Alex is standing there, with her mouth hanging open, very confused.
Kelly is back to scream at Alex that she ruined her tattoo and that Alex is weird and nobody wants to hang out with her. Kelly walks off telling her she is weird and Alex is crying and screaming at Kelly that she is mad. Alex chases after Kelly and gets frustrated that she is being shushed. Alex is screaming and Kelly tells her to close her eyes, then open her eyes, stop talking, talk, and no matter what Kelly tells her to do, Alex does it.
This exchange between Alex and Kelly is officially my favorite moment from any housewife season. It is perfection and I am peeing myself I am laughing so hard. Kelly is telling Alex what she feels and Alex agrees! Too funny. Sonja and Ramona have snuck off to see the custom dresses and try everything on so they are not stuck with something they don’t want. They are incredibly disrespectful. Clearly Ramona is not as upset as Alex thinks.
It’s similar to when Bethenny made a comment to tell Jill she’s done, and when Alex took it literally Bethenny thought it was weird. Ramona simply told Alex to have her back, Alex defended her and Ramona doesn’t get why. Jill comes out to see what’s happening and when Alex tells Jill what happened, Kelly corrects her and tells her again how’s she’s feeling. Jill has had her hair done and it looks ridiculous, but I think Jill secretly loved it.
Sidebar: Why is Alex friends with Sonja after Sonja humiliated her and kicked her out of her house in front of the cameras? Is Alex so pathetic that she must be friends with her after being treated that way? At dinner, LuAnn, Jill and Kelly are bagging on Ramona and Sonja who have stood them up fro dinner. Cindy sits there in disbelief that these chicks are so catty, Alex shows up for dinner and she is weird, while LuAnn is pissed off.
Everyone is annoyed that Alex has arrived an hour and a half late for dinner, while Ramona and Sonja don’t show at all. Alex says she did not know what time dinner was, and she is dismissed by Countless. LuAnn is being cryptic and defensive. Kelly gets up, cuts Alex off, and kicks her out of the dining room. Her parting words to Alex are that she is saving her right now. Week three in Morocco is comedy gold.
Cindy has never seen women act this way and asks the camera if this is reality. No Cindy, it’s reality television. Welcome to Bravo sister. Get out while you can. I wonder if Cindy watched this show before she was on it. Ramona and Sonja stroll in hours late and ask what is for dinner. LuAnn informs them that this is not the Plaza Hotel, it’s Morocco. LuAnn tells them the kitchen is closed and LuAnn shuts the dining room down.
Kelly is now calling Ramona weird, LuAnn has left and Kelly tells Ramona to play nice. Ramona agrees. It’s so funny that last year they all thought Kelly was nuts and now everyone does everything Kelly tells them to do. Fantastic. LuAnn is pissed, Ramona says sorry, all if forgiven but not before LuAnn tells Ramona how the country of Morocco is run. LuAnn apologizes, sort of, and tells Ramona she is sorry about the fortuneteller.
LuAnn tells Ramona she is there for her if she needs anything and Ramona says she does not believe her. It’s interesting that Ramona is just blowing off the entire fortuneteller thing. I think Mario is sleeping with Sonja. The ladies are packing to go back to New York. Alex snuggles up in bed with Sonja and I want to hurl. Alex clearly has no friends and feels desperate for this time with the ladies. I almost feel bad for her. Almost.
Kelly is going for a run before they leave, and Jill is packing. Kelly tells her to make nice with Ramona. Kelly is really the peacemaker this trip. It’s a far cry from last year in St. John when she became unraveled. Jill goes to see Ramona and the other ladies clear the room. Jill sits down like they are the best of friends. These chicks have memory loss at the oddest times. Does Jill not remember the day before?
Jill tells Ramona she cares about her, they need to start fresh and be friends. Jill also tells Ramona she is a good friend to her and you have to wonder, if you are indeed a good friend do you need to tell people? Won’t they know? Everyone is made up and friends again. Bravo shows us a trailer for next week and we see the peace is going to last about a week. Every week ends with the anticipation of what is to come. Bravo.
We go from everyone scrambling to get packed, to a cooking class. Not a lot of continuity in the editing, but I’m happy to jump around. The girls are making lunch and watching Cindy try to cook is fabulous. I like her. Alex thinks Cindy is weird but only Kelly can determine who is weird. Everyone is eating lunch and getting along. It’s a nice way to end the trip, even though it was clearly not shot at the end.
It’s now the farewell dinner in Morocco, which is again odd since they have already packed. A little continuity would be appreciated Bravo. They are all putting on their custom gowns and getting their make-up done with dramatic eyes. Back in NYC we see Mario and Simon and Mario says he hopes the ladies never come back, he thinks they are in Dubai not Morocco, and you know it’s a set up about their marriage. Mario is a pig.
It’s the last supper, everyone is in their custom dresses, and Sonja says she made a reservation at a place where you have to be the “in” crowd to get in. The interesting thing is the place is empty and sunlight is streaming in. I get reality television is scripted, but it pisses me off when the think the audience is stupid. Clearly some of them are, Lynn Hudson and her group come to mind, but come on, we see it’s not dinnertime.
They are each going to tell what their favorite part of the trip was and Alex goes first. She is telling her story and is cut off and given a list of things she can choose from as her favorite. Everyone is bored of Alex. It’s been a great trip to Morocco but I’m over it and ready for the girls to get back to the city. Can’t wait to see how Ramona and Mario play out. This show is fabulous, even though it is incapable of keeping it real.
June 7, 2011 | 9:25 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
In the interest of keeping it real, I want to start off by saying that this show sucks and it will be hard to watch when the only entertaining thing about this show, Bentley, has left. To clarify, just because it sucks, does not mean that I won’t watch it. I’m watching, laughing, and wishing I could turn it off.
We all watch, knowing love it’s not going to happen, but hoping it might. Mike Fleiss collects a massive paycheck and gets rich by treating his audience like we are stupid. You want stupid? Just look at Ashley. She may the most educated, yet dumbest Bachelorette they’ve ever had.
Chris Harrison comes out to share useless information and I want to cut myself. Why ia this guy still here? Ben from New Orleans gets the first date, Jeff is still wearing his mask, and Ashley is ridiculous. Plus, her bowlegged walk is bugging the crap out of me. She needs surgery.
Ashley has choreographed a dance for her and Ben. My eyes are bleeding and I want to sneak into her house and cut her bangs off because all she does is play with them and I want to seriously hold her down and shave them off. They go to a mall for their date.
Ashley says normally she would not go to such a public place for a first date. A public place is exactly where a fame whore goes on a date. Particularly when a camera crew is following her. Ben has been with her an hour and says he wants to spend the rest of his life with her.
They do a flash mob, and Ben is painfully aware he is on TV and trying to make a good impression. Ashley’s fake laugh makes my eardrums swell and they are about to burst. Ashley is trying to sing along to a song that she does not know the words too, just like Oprah.
Jeff takes his mask off and we immediately see that he is old enough to be her dad. He says he is falling for her and I want to vomit into my own hand and throw it at the television. When he takes the mask off he says, “Hi. I’m Jeff”. I am laughing so hard I might pee myself.
The group date is a comedy club roast of Ashley. Sidebar: Ashley seriously has no boobs. It’s like being with a boy. The men are not clear how to roast her as roasts are mean, and they are trying to be funny and not hurt her feelings. Then we get William. Dear, fabulous William.
He is very excited for his big shot. He thinks the roast could lead to being invited to roast a real celebrity in a couple of weeks. He is so cute and so stupid. He’s the only one who gets what a roast is and you’ve got to love him for knowing, and love him more for being an idiot.
Jeffrey Ross is the roast host. He’s such a nice change of pace from Chris Harrison who bores the crap out of me. Sidebar: the audience is full of people they found wondering on Sunset Boulevard. This is not a comedy club audience. It’s probably Bachelorette staff.
The guys are tanking. Ames is odd. His clothes are odd, his head is odd, he’s just odd. Then the boob jokes start. Ashley is fake laughing but her chin is quivering, she is blushing, and you know she is going to cry. Important to note her fake eyelashes are a nightmare.
William is up and Ashley says he will be the funniest because he knows her so well, he will be able to easily be funny but cute. Then he drops the bomb. He signed up for Emily or Chantal and got stuck with Ashley. He is tanking, her chin is quivering and she is about to have a meltdown.
Her insecurity is ugly. Not just unattractive, but ugly. She sulks off in a corner, just close enough so the guys can see her crying, and she cries, loudly, to get someone’s attention. Her eyelashes are stupid. Bentley sees her and is off to work his magic. I freaking love this guy.
Ashley has this great opportunity as the Bachelorette and she is a whiny, crying, pathetic girl who has no self-esteem. She is young, immature and boring as hell. I’m with William, I wish Emily or Chantal had been the Bachelorette instead of this airhead dentist wannabe.
Bentley is not into her and has wanted to bail since he saw it was not Emily. He is a pig to be sure, but great television. He is a jackass and a liar and she is buying it, telling the camera she feels so connected to him and she likes how he thinks. Dear Lord, how can she be so stupid?
When he told her that at least 24 out of the 25 guys are excited it’s her, I could not laughing and he looked like he would crack up too. It was awesome. Ashley talks to the guys, cries, and tells them that she was hurt by the Emily comment. Everyone thinks William is an asshole.
I thought he was funny, she is insecure, and the other guys think William is out. William pulls her aside and tells her it was a roast and he was trying to be funny. She makes him feel bad, loses sight of the fact that he did exactly what he was supposed to do, and William says he’ll go.
Poor William. He feels bad and it’s a drag. Ashley is falling into a pit of depression because of her insecurity, and I want to stick my hand down my throat and remove my own kidney just so I have a reason to not watch this train wreck. Why God? Why is this show still on?
William is crying and thinks he should go home but won’t because he is a fame whore so he will beg for another chance. She kisses people in an attempt to find comfort and it’s sleazy that she can put aside her heartache to make out with strangers. Ashley is really, really dumb.
Back at the house JP gets a date card and he is excited, not knowing she is a pathetic mess following her roast. Ashley is chatting with Bentley before they all leave. She tells him about the warning she got about him, and he is a genius and blows it off with ease. Perfect.
Ashley tells Bentley that if he leaves it will be hardest thing she’s ever been through. Really? She has known him for five minutes. Mike Fleiss is making a fool out of her. He tells her she can come on the show and have a shot at love but instead he humiliates her.
Ashley gives the rose to Ryan, and Bentley is pissed. He’s leaving because he cannot stand her. Best line ever: “I’m going to make Ashley cry, but I hope my hair looks okay.” I think Bentley rocks. One could argue that he is a great guy for bailing. A stretch, but possible.
He is not telling her the reason he is leaving. We all know, but he’s telling her in a way that is not mean. He could have told her the truth, which by the way would have been brilliant. But instead he gives all the good stuff to the camera. The editor of this show is sick and twisted. Bravo.
Bentley’s dumping of Ashley is, if you are able to look at the bigger picture, quite lovely. He does not give any indication to Ashley that she is the most boring and flat chested woman on the planet. She plays with her bangs and you know she is thinking it’s about her lack of boobs.
Ashley is truly pathetic. Truly. She tells Bentley he had her heart and he is just playing along and I love him. When he shows us how he kissed her, and grabbed her ass, I could not stop laughing. How must she feel watching it back? I’d be pissed at the producers if I were her.
He finally leaves after what seems like an hour, she crawls into bed and cries, going on and on about how she does not know how she will go on because he’s gone and she loved him. If I were the guy she picks in the end, watching this show, I would dump her ass.
It’s date night with JP and he is walking into her pit of despair. It’s dinner at home for him. Total rip off. She says she is not sure she can recover from the loss of love with Bentley and fall in love again before the show is over. It’s been a week Ashley. You can do it.
Ashley is with JP and she is talking with her mouth full of food, and is always picking her teeth with her tongue. She says she wants to put on pajamas and veg. How convenient that JP brought his pajamas. She puts on flannel and glasses and eases her pain by making out with JP.
She is bawling one minute about Bentley leaving, then says JP is a better kisser. Just when I think I want to jump off my building to avoid this show, it gets worse because Chris Harrison is back and he is going on and on with useless things that we don’t care about.
We skip the cocktails and go straight to the roses. William gets a rose and Jeff the mask guy and Chris D. are out. Chris, who spent 2 minutes with her, says he is crushed because he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Jeff burns his mask and I cannot stop laughing.
The show ends with an outtake of Bentley fixing his hair while Jeff sits on the toilet, with his mask, reading the newspaper. That’s reality television at its finest. Mike Fleiss should be humiliated and ABC should be embarrassed, because nobody associated with this show is keeping it real.
June 6, 2011 | 10:52 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
It’s Thanksgiving in New Jersey and the show takes us through the holiday by switching back and forth between Teresa’s Thanksgiving and Melissa’s. It’s quite interesting, and a look into what they want us to think an Italian life is, but since I’m not Italian I don’t know if it’s accurate or embarrassing. I think I can guess.
Teresa and Joe are going to buy their turkey. Teresa is driving because Joe is a drunk driver, and he is rude to her the entire ride. Joe is a bit of a pig and by pig of course I mean caveman, and by a bit, I mean totally. Melissa’s Joe is shopping with her at the market. He’s useless certainly, but not a rude pig.
Kathy is making all of the deserts and it’s insane. I could almost smell her cakes through the television they looked so good. Her kitchen looks like a professional bakery, only better. It’s sad because Teresa is not with her family but with her friends, which is weird because they are family, and not with their own family.
Bravo’s lame script means it’s probably not even Thanksgiving. I don’t believe Caroline would not be with her siblings, and at the very least with Dina, for the holiday. Theresa was going to be by herself, in the house she cannot afford and ordering pizza if they did not fake the dinner for her.
Teresa and Joe are buying a live turkey that will be killed at the farm. As a vegetarian I was repulsed. The loser farmer is saying the turkey has no idea he is being killed and does not know what’s happening. He knows, and to be clear, the farmer is dumber than the turkey.
Albert and Caroline go with Lauren to Vito’s family store. They are a sweet family and I liked them very much. Caroline is a snob and if she says she could care less about something one more time, I will need to smack her. Albert is sweet and Caroline speaks in clichés.
Ashley goes to visit Christopher and Albie in their apartment. She is not very bright and they explain to her she needs to stay at home until she can afford to live in the city. She is pissed because she wanted to live in Manhattan and be Carrie Bradshaw. Right. Going to happen.
Ashley listens to the boys and helps at home. Jacqueline is horrible. Her chin is out of control and she is mean to Ashley. Clearly she is closer to her young boys than her daughter. Jacqueline seems more bothered by Ashley than having any real emotions about her.
Teresa is cooking and Juicy is sleeping. Her kids are fighting and she is trying to not be embarrassed on camera. Over at Melissa’s, she is dressed like a hooker as she prepares her dinner. Her mother is a dyed blonde who looks out of place with all her dark haired daughters.
Melissa’s Joe gives her a surprise for Thanksgiving and it’s a mechanical bull. In front of all their family and friends, they mount the bronco and make out. It’s mortifying and at the same time sort of cute. They are inappropriate, and as the Countless would say, money can’t buy you class.
Teresa’s Thanksgiving outfit makes it look like we are in the 1980’s. Kim D arrives and I want to know why is she invited to stuff. Teresa is babbling about how Caroline and Jacqueline are her family and it’s sad. Her life has crumbled and it’s upsetting to watch. I almost feel bad for her.
Melissa’s group is sitting down to dinner and she takes a moment to thank sweet Jesus. I like her. No clue why, but I like her. Her Joe is a pig, but he clearly loves her and she loves him. I think he is handsome in a “just sit and don’t speak” kind of way. I feel bad Teresa is not there.
Teresa’s kids are melting down and her outfit is truly hideous. Joe is talking with his mouth full and once again we are bored with a conversation about Lauren getting married. I like her, and it will be great when Vito proposes, but seriously how many times can we talk about it?
Teresa’s brother Joe is telling his guests he loves and misses her. It’s sad because you can see it. Bravo flashes back and forth between Teresa and Melissa’s house for a dramatic effect but it’s not working. It’s annoying and stupid and makes me want to break my TV.
Melissa is telling Joe he needs to make up with his sister, and Teresa is telling everyone Melissa cannot be trusted. Teresa looks like a vindictive and bitter hag, and Melissa looks like a sweet girl who is trying to ease her husband’s pain. Teresa is a bitch. No hiding from that.
Jacqueline and Caroline are telling Teresa she needs to take the high road and reach out to Joe. The entire time they are talking to her, her head looks like it will explode and she will start bleeding marinara sauce out of her nose. Teresa is bitter and angry and unable to to fix things.
It will be interesting to see how it plays out. By interesting, of course I mean I could care less, but this show is my heroin and even if I did not want to watch it, I would have to. I’m hooked on New Jersey, losing patience with Caroline, loving Melissa, digging Kathy, and keeping it real.
June 6, 2011 | 12:19 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
These chicks are out of control, not interesting, and while they are the ones who got the housewives franchise started, it’s time for it to be over. I will be surprised if Andy Cohen decides to bring these chicks back. They are not fun to watch. By not fun of course I mean annoying. Let’s walk away Andy.
We start with Vicki telling us she has filed for divorce. She is heartbroken that her marriage has ended, but she is going to put on a brave face and host over 100 people at her home for a party. She ignored her husband for years, and is dumping him, but the party must go on!
Tamra and Eddie are getting ready for the party and she is bitching about Jeana. Sidebar: Why does Eddie have such a nice house, a ton of expensive clothes in his closet, but a variety of plastic and wire hangers? Get decent hangers so your closet does not look like you’re in college.
Gretchen is telling Slade he needs to get along with Vicki. Her necklace is hideous and Slade makes me want to vomit. He is almost as unattractive as her handbags. They are eating omelettes in bed, they look like eggs with dog crap, and why does she have full makeup on?
Alexis has her assistant come over to help her pick a dress because she cannot do it on her own. Again, I have to say that the hangers are driving me nuts. How can you have nice things and not have them on nice hangers? You can get fabulous matching wooden hangers for cheap. Do it!
Jim refuses to go to the party, but she has invited 5 girlfriends to go with her. Who takes a posse to a party? Alexis tells us the problem with “liberal America” today is the women think they can do whatever they want, like be President, when they should just be wives.
Is she mentally challenged? Does she not know that Sarah Palin is going to run for President and she is not liberal? Does she know how to spell liberal? Does she know how to spell anything? And how does she drink when she has no feeling in her upper lip? I can’t stand this chick.
She is a throw back to the fifties in her thoughts on relationships, which I think is charming, but she looks like a hooker whore, and while her lack of intelligence makes her very entertaining, she is completely unappealing and seems to have a skewed view of what Jesus would do.
Vicki’s son Michael says he is sad about Vicki’s divorce, that Donn is the only father he has known, and his relationship will stay the same. Her daughter Brianna says Donn has called her and she has not called him back because she does not want to deal with him. Not cool.
She has no personality and I feel like every time she is on the show it’s wasted time. She could not be more boring, insensitive, or ridiculous. Vicki is complaining that she has not spoken to Donn since she filed for divorce. Maybe it’s because you never told him, just served him?
Tamra goes to check on Vicki and Vicki tells her she needs to tell people not to talk to her about Donn. She files for divorce, does not tell anyone, they all learn about it online, then she wants her friends to tell people what they can and cannot talk about? Just cancel the party.
Vicki is crying and not one inch of her face is moving. Tamra’s lips look like a duck. Tamra is trying to get Vicki to stop crying and it’s funny and adorable. She tells her to rub her boobs to stop crying and to think about insurance. She was the perfect duck. I mean girlfriend.
Jeana arrives and is a pig. Fernanda arrives and is invisible. Quinn is there in a ridiculous wig. Tammy is there, nobody cares. Why were these old housewives invited? They are off the show because we didn’t care about them, so why bring them back? Cancel this show!
Peggy’s breast implants make her look deformed and her hair looks like it’s made out of straw. She goes off on Alexis telling her that she keeps trying to make her feel bad. I’m with Peggy on this one. Alexis does not understand what Peggy is saying because Alexis is a moron.
Peggy talks to Jeana and tells her she should apologize to Tamra. Tamra cannot control her anger and she goes off on Jeana. Jeana says Simon never hit Tamra and that Tamra lied. Tamra starts screaming at Jeana that it’s none of her business and she needs to stay out of her life.
Tamra gives her a letter from her attorney, Jena threatens to throw her in the pool, Tamra throws a glass of wine on her, then wine is flying, people are pushing, there is yelling, Tamra tells Jeana she is going to hell, and Jeana understands why Simon is divorcing her. Blah, blah, blah.
Jeana is pathetic, walks home, and immediately calls Simon. Tamra should be ashamed that this is what she is putting out in the world for her kids to see, and Quinn needs a new wig. Eddie is the only one that does not look like an idiot. Wait, he’s with Tamra, I take it back.
Gretchen ends the season still with Slade. Tamra is almost divorced and has introduced Eddie to her young kids. Brianna moved back with her mom and has a relationship with Donn. Vicki is moving ahead with the divorce and selling her house. Then we get the golden nugget.
Alexis reveals that Peggy used to date Jim. No wonder she is so jealous. How can you be good friends with the woman who used to bang your husband? What would Jesus think? Peggy was an interesting addition for a minute, but she has nothing worth watching for.
I am happy this season is over and honestly think Orange County should be retired. It has run its course and needs to go away. We watched, we laughed, we blogged, and we’re done. The reunion next week looks great and so I think I can hang on for another week and keep it real.
June 3, 2011 | 5:10 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I love Jerry Springer. While not always a fan of his talk show, I dig him and when he danced with his daughter on Dancing With the Stars I officially fell in love with him. At 67, he could be my dad, and sadly he is also the age of the men who write me online to ask me out on a date.
Springer has had an interesting life. He was born in London, in a subway station that was being used as a shelter during World War II. His parents were Jewish refugees that escaped from Germany, and he and his family immigrated to the States and settled in Queens, New York.
He graduated from Tulane and got his law degree at Northwestern. He was elected to the Cincinnati city council and eventually quit when he admitted he hired a hooker. He came clean, was honest, and won back his seat a year later with his honesty, and two years later he was the Mayor.
He eventually left politics and became a reporter, then a news anchor where he started his now famous closing line, “Take care of yourself, and each other”. He went on to host the Jerry Springer Talk Show, which was honestly more reality show train wreck than talk show.
He then hosted America’s Got Talent, and is now hosting a new show on the Game Show Network called “Baggage”. This show is sad, pathetic, scary, and could possibly become of the summer’s guiltiest pleasures. Jerry Springer has a cult following and I’m guessing it will be a hit.
Baggage is a dating show where there is a contestant and 3 daters. The daters each have suitcases, which include silly and/or shocking things are considered relationship “baggage”. The contestant let’s them go if they have too much baggage, on their road to finding a date.
The contestants look like they could have been on the Jerry Springer Show back in the day. You know the type, the ones who sleep with their sister’s husband, or get pregnant by their mom’s boyfriend. This show is screaming train wreck and I am going to be checking it out.
It airs on GSN weekdays at 7:30/6:30 central. I am happy to have Jerry back on my television everyday. He is a cool guy and his honesty and charm are sexy. Perhaps he’ll be a roll model to Anthony Weiner that Jewish fallen politicians can recover, if they just keep it real.
June 2, 2011 | 10:13 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
It is week two in Morocco and we start with Ramona getting her fortune read. She is being told that she does everything for Mario and gets nothing back. Sonja starts bawling and the first thing that comes to my mind is that Sonja is sleeping with Mario. Ridiculous of course, but juicy.
Ramona is told there is another woman in Mario’s life and Ramona is convinced it’s her daughter Avery that the woman is feeling. Ramona sits with no facial expression as she is told the news. She could be in shock, or simply embarrassed, but she is stoic and taking it like a man.
Jill thinks it’s weird that Sonja’s reaction is what Ramona’s should have been and can’t wait to tell us. Ramona tells a complete stranger that LuAnn hit on her husband. Sonja is drunk and apparently the crying is because she is still heartbroken her 70 year old husband left her for another woman.
Sonja is sad and talking to Ramona and Ramona is a total bitch, telling Sonja that she married an old man for money, while Ramona married a man her age and she is blissfully happy. Ramona tries to support Sonja in the end and it’s sad. Sonja is a mess and Ramona is delusional.
As the ladies leave the party we get a good look at the outfit Alex wore. Oh. My. God. The supermodel is wearing blue sequined Bermuda shorts with big glittery stars on them. It may the most ridiculous outfit I have ever seen. The supermodel is super blind when it comes to fashion.
The next morning the ladies are heading out to the market for some shopping. LuAnn tells Sonja to hold the seat next to her and when Cindy goes to sit in the same seat, Sonja tells her it’s saved and Cindy loses her mind. She leaves to go the other car and Ramona moves with no problem.
Cindy is upset, Ramona is gossiping about it, and I am finding hard to believe that I love Kelly. She is sweet and lovely and we are seeing what I would like to think is the real her. Jill looks like she is going to the mall, while Sonja looks likes she is shooting a scene from Out of Africa.
They are shopping and Cindy is on the warpath with Sonja. She is trying to force a conversation in the market and it’s sad. I am screaming at the TV for Cindy to just shut up. She is letting Drunky McDrunkerson upset her and it’s a shame. Walk away Cindy. You are too good for this.
LuAnn is explaining to Cindy that she asked Ramona to save the seat and Cindy jumps on the train to Crazytown. She asks what Sonja has accomplished in her life, which is mean, and it’s too bad because they have now sucked her into the vicious circle of mean housewives. Disappointing.
The ladies are going on a camel ride and I’m confused by everyone referring to LuAnn as the one who took them on the trip. I find it hard to believe that Countless paid for them to all go. Bravo picked up the tab so I wonder if they have been instructed to refer to LuAnn as the hostess.
LuAnn is stylish, Alex is dressed like she works at the circus, Cindy has killer legs, Kelly looks like a supermodel, Ramona looks like my grandmother, Jill sounds like my grandmother, and Sonja decides not to ride but walk along side them. She was scared and felt bad for her.
LuAnn’s camel has a moment and tries to throw her off. She is clearly shaken and handles herself like a Countess. The young guide helps LuAnn off the camel and cops a feel. Hilarious. Another camel eats Jill’s bracelet, everyone regroups and they are off to the oasis for dinner.
They arrive at the tent and it’s gorgeous. Sonja is talking about her trip with the King of Saudi Arabia and if it weren’t so sad, it would be funny. They sit for dinner and the madness begins. Jill starts a game where everyone shares something about themselves that nobody knows.
Jill talks about Bobby’s feet, Luann is one of 7 kids, Ramona lived with her mother-in-law for two years, Cindy started working as a kid with her dad, Alex likes to suck the joy out of a party, and Sonja tries to convince us her life is great when clearly she depressed.
Everyone is talking over each other and Cindy has had enough. Everyone is picking on Sonja for feeling scared and Cindy tries to come to her defense but is shot down under all the gabbing. The entire dinner gave me a headache and I wanted to scream.
Cindy steps away and all the cackling hens follow her out. Cindy is concerned that there appears to be no respect between the ladies and again they are all talking over each other. In trying to explain their crazy relationships, they show Cindy that at the end of the day they are just crazy.
Alex and Simon cannot stand to be apart from each other and decide to video chat twice a day for 20 minutes. Alex is trying to have “sexy” time and show him her boobs but the ladies keep interrupting, which is a blessing to Simon since he’s gay and boobs don’t float his boat.
They are off to the Turkish baths and Ramona and Sonja stay at home with diarrhea, which Countless is all too happy to talk about. Sonja and Ramona join in later. All these years I thought Ramona’s expression was from constipation, and in the end all butt issues show on her face.
Sonja clears the air with Cindy and it’s sweet. I feel bad for Sonja. As her life becomes clearer, she becomes more fragile. Cindy is gracious and they make up. I love Cindy for not giving her a double sided fake kiss and hug. She accepts the apology and it’s over. Bravo.
Jill goes to talk to Ramona and within 10 seconds I think Jill is full of crap. She tells Ramona they left the better rooms for her, which is a crock. Jill went in with a suck up attitude, which implies there is a back stabbing coming. Butter her up, then go in for the kill.
Ramona is calm, and trying to explain herself but Jill is being bitchy. Not that Jill’s point was not valid, but it’s the presentation and Ramona wins while Jill is an epic fail. At the end of the day the big issue is that Jill blames Ramona for the end of her relationship with Bethenny.
Jill and Bethenny were never going to make up because Bethenny is a liar who was looking for fame, and when she no longer needed Jill and got her own show, she dumped her. The fight with Jill was Bethenny’s way to walk away with sympathy and paint Jill as the evil one.
It’s a shame because Jill got screwed, Ramona got screwed, and in the end Bethenny got everything she wanted, but is surrounded by dead bodies. Bethenny is just like her father, exactly like her mother, and Karma is going to break her door down for the messes she has caused.
Ramona handles the conversation calmly and rationally, while Jill is a bitter child who cannot let anything go. Jill blames Ramona for not fixing things with Bethenny and Ramona reminds Jill she lived up the street from Bethenny and could have repaired the friendship on her own.
To the very last minute Ramona is trying to fix things with Jill and Jill is crazy. She was starting to get people back on her side and this episode undid it all. Poor thing. Ramona is truly crying and frustrated, while Jill fake cries and must talk to Bobby.
Morocco is not disappointing and week three of the getaway should be the best one. From camels to fanny packs, fights to making up, Kelly is the coolest chick in Morocco, which is both fabulous and concerning. I am addicted to this show like heroin, and just trying to keep it real.
May 31, 2011 | 11:59 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
This week’s episode opens with a clear example of why Chris Harrison is not needed on this show. His one minute appearances are silly and the guys could read what he says off a television. Is Ashley so dumb that she needs Chris to tell her it is the final rose when there is clearly only one rose left?
William wins the first date in Vegas. He is a phone salesman and the sweetest thing ever. He genuinely seems to like her and is not taking any of the experiences for granted. I dig this guy and while he is a little emotionally young, he is a frontrunner for me.
Back at the house Jeff, the guy with the mask, continues to be creepy. It’s entertaining to be sure, but proof Mike Fleiss knows his show makes a mockery of love and is more train wreck than love story. That Jeff is on this show tells us Fleiss is no longer brilliant, just sleazy.
Back in Vegas William and Ashley are going to get married. It’s ridiculous and her fake laugh makes me want to cut myself. She is immature and getting on my nerves. Just as Ali before her, she is a fame whore and her talk of getting married at the end is crap. I’m not buying it.
William goes along for the ride and he is so sweet that I hope she dumps him so he can meet someone great. He says she is someone anyone would want to marry but the thing is, he knows nothing about her so how is he so sure? She is just a girl and that they all get sucked in is sad.
At the fake wedding Ashley says she can’t marry him because she has 17 men back at the house. William says it’s the best first date of his life and she agrees that it’s hers too. She said the same thing after her first date with Brad so I would not give it too much attention.
The next part of their date is spent having dinner in the fountains of the Bellagio Hotel. William tells Ashley that his dad died an alcoholic. He is open and honest and I loved him for putting it all out there. Ashley’s response is fake acting at it’s best. She is ridiculous.
Back at the house Jeff is ready to take off his mask and 12 men prepare for a group date in Las Vegas. Jeff is not selected for the first date so he will be in his mask a little longer. 5 men are left behind and back at dinner, Ashley gives William a rose and he is in for another week.
The group date is for the men to dance in a Vegas show. The men are split into two groups of 6 and they need to come up with a routine. One group stays in Vegas and the other group goes back to LA. The sexual innuendos about dancing are juvenile and Ashley is painfully bowlegged.
The men do their routines for the Jabbawockeez dance crew and it’s painful for us to watch 1 minute so I image they all needed to shower to get the stink off of them after the taping. Ashley dances with them and it’s so dumb. She is freakishly short and very annoying.
Six men go back to LA and the others get ready for their performance. Back at the house the remaining men are happy some of them have returned. The show is going on in Vegas and Ashley now has 7 men in masks trying to win her heart. She dances, the men drool.
Ashley meets with each of the six men for a few minutes. She talks to the dentist, fake laughs, and there is no chemistry. She talks to West and he tells her he killed his wife, I mean his wife died. Her reaction is painful as she tries to force tears that just don’t come.
Bentley is fabulous to watch and the best reason to tune in. He is a jackass and it’s fascinating. Ashley is different around him so it must be love. He likes him and he could care less and lets us al know he is not into her and only went on hoping to meet Emily.
When he saw Emily was not the Bachelorette he wanted to bail but he’s competitive and stayed. He says she has a rocking body but is not into her. Then, for reasons I do not understand, Ashley begs him to stay. Seriously begs and it’s gross. By gross I mean divine.
Ashley has one rose to give out on the group date and she gives it to Bentley. Is she kidding? Are they telling her who to pick to create great television or is she simply an idiot? I refuse to believe that she could not tell that he was just not that into her. She was even told he was not into her.
The next date is decided by a coin toss and it goes to Mickey, leaving JP at home. Mickey gets ready and Jeff the masked man is crushed that he was not given a date this week. He does not understand why he did not get chosen and does not appear to understand how creepy he is.
Mickey and Ashley are in Vegas and decide their entire day should be based on flipping a coin. He wins the toss and gets to ask her a question and asks her when the last time she cried was. Really? The Bachelorette is scripted and sadly it’s scripted by a monkey. I am so done.
Ashley and Mickey are having dinner and she is talking with her mouth full and constantly picking her teeth with her tongue. Mickey shares that his mother passed away and Ashley cannot keep her hands off of him yet she decides to flip a coin to see if he gets a rose. Blah, blah, blah.
Ashley talks about what a magical night they are having but they appear to have no chemistry together. He wants it to be his last first date ever which is fascinating because spending a lifetime with her laugh would make me want to kill myself. Mickey is gorgeous, but a clearly a little simple.
Back at the house it’s another cocktail party and JP steals her away quickly. He lost the date to a coin toss so he pulls out a coin and says they will flip for a kiss. He wins the coin toss and they start making out as she tells us she is not one to go in for a kiss. Right. That is very clear.
Nick gives her a line-dancing lesson and in the middle of their moment together, William the cell phone guy comes out to get her. Our little William is getting cocky and it’s funny. Nick refers to William as Ding Dong and the other men adopt the new nickname. William is in it to win it.
Jeff decides he is going to talk to Ashley and remove his mask. He tells her he had a brain hemorrhage at 29 and is lucky to be alive. His wife left him and it was a long road to recovery. It’s weird that he tells her he almost died and her first question is why did he get divorced?
It was incredibly rude and I almost felt bad for him. Almost because just as I thought I would have sympathy for him, I remembered how creepy he is. Matt interrupts them and Jeff’s mask removal is postponed. Jeff is a plant and if she keeps him it’s because she was instructed to.
Ben from New Orleans gets a minute and he is super sweet. She fake laughs, does the head tilt, and I want to smack her. Back with the other guys, William is bragging about his date and Bentley tells us he would rather swim in pee than plan a wedding with Ashley.
Oh. My. God. I freaking love watching this guy. Bentley the douchebag picks her up and carries her to the fireplace to make out. He kisses her, she falls in love, and he tells us the kiss sucked. She tells us she can trust him because he is so sincere and he could be the one for her.
She hands out her roses and surprise, surprise Jeff the masked man gets one. Are they kidding? We have made Mike Fleiss and his lackeys rich and he treats us like we are stupid. There is no way in hell she would have picked him to get a rose on her own. Simply no way in hell.
Harrison comes out to let us know that one single rose on the table all by itself is the final rose of the night. I want to scream it’s so stupid. Matt gets dumped and calls his mom. Stephen the hairdresser is out, as is Ryan M. who tells us Ashley lost out on a great guy. He should feel lucky.
In the promo for next week it looks like Bentley has enough and leaves the show, but not until he crushes her. I hope it’s just a tease and he is not leaving. I will watch because I’m paid to, but I want Bentley to stay in so there is someone entertaining to watch, so I’m keeping the faith.