Posted by Ilana Angel
Bravo premiered two new reality shows this week. Neither one is worth blogging, and only one is worth watching. By worth watching of course I mean watching it will be an opportunity to laugh at strangers while being grateful you are not a fame whoring douchebag. 100 Days of Summer is set in Chicago and follows around a group of educated and working people who in the end are an older and better put together bunch of Vanderpump Rules skanks.
They tried to do this show is Dallas and the only one to survive that crap fest was Courtney, but we’ll come back to her in a minute. In Chicago we have Jay, the successful gay man looking for love. Pascale is the pretty girl who is going to bang your boyfriend. Vince is the man whore who bangs everyone, Phillips is the dingbat who doesn’t get why people think she is dumb, Ray is the ex-football player, and Tara is the super desperate bridesmaid.
I love Chicago so it is fun to see a show set in there. Shame about the cast, but I’m in for now. Vince is a club promoter who likes to date chicks with anorexia. He is not as handsome as he thinks. He has a girlfriend who is unclear that he is a douche. He does however have the best dog ever, Dude. Jay is a good looking guy who is ready for love and looking into having a child on his own and takes his mom to his surrogate meeting. So cute.
Pascale is in Chicago to work on her jewelry line, God help up. Another line to be whored out on our televisions. She is an evil bitch. Phillips has a line of dog clothing and we are reminded, again, these people are here to make bank. She has huge boobs and loves them. Ugh. Tara is a vet, from a rich family, with a sick body. She is desperate and it is uncomfortable to watch. Ray is trying to be an actor and model. He has a girlfriend. For now.
This was just a preview with the real premier happening on January 7th. I will watch because I think it will be fun, but I am not blogging because I just cannot pay enough attention. I might change my mind of course and be forced to write about how these people are humiliating themselves, but for now I will just watch. I can’t tell if these people are actually friends or were put together in a casting call for fame whores. Time will tell.
Cut to the next new show, Courtney Loves Dallas. For the love of God why does this woman have her own show? She is beyond annoying and her voice alone is enough to make me impale myself. She is a fashion blogger and I am 15 minutes in and she has said nothing interesting. She tries to be funny, but is not. Tries to be cool about being single, but is not. She has nothing in common with her friends and this show is not worth our time.
I cannot watch this show. I cannot even get through the first episode. I just can’t. She talks too fast, about nothing, and I am bored. By bored of course I mean this show should never have been made. Courtney Loves Dallas is not worth watching and 100 Days of Summer is worth watching, but I’m predicting I will make it though two episodes before I walk away. I love Bravo but they are giving us garbage and not keeping it real.
12.7.13 at 8:49 am | What the hell is Bravo giving us?
12.7.13 at 7:29 am | I'm not going to lie, these women and the men. . .
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire.
12.2.13 at 7:09 pm | Second week in a row of boring television.
12.2.13 at 7:12 am | I was bored with all the jumping around.
12.1.13 at 9:20 am | The constant end endless desire to hurt someone. . .
12.1.13 at 9:20 am | The constant end endless desire to hurt someone. . . (4226)
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire. (4081)
12.2.13 at 7:09 pm | Second week in a row of boring television. (3573)
December 7, 2013 | 7:29 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Mob Wives is back and all you need to watch is the first minute to be hooked. The opening graphics are of wine glasses colliding and exploding and that is the perfect introduction to this season. Carla and Karen are gone, Big Ang is now a featured player, along with Renee and Drita and two new girls Alicia and Natalie. These women are fascinating, funny, and let’s be clear, scary as hell. I am intimidated by them and at the same time inspired by the size of their balls. I’m glad they’re back and happy to blog.
The season starts with Renee who is living with her son AJ and working on her shoe and clothing line. She looks great, is still sober, and her ex is still in prison for ratting out her dad. Cut to Big Ang, she is simply great television. Not sure what new work she has had done, but it is time to stop. I freaking love her. Over to Drita, her husband is out of prison and they are back together. I am glad she took him back. It is good for her kids. These three are the original girls coming back for another season.
They are off to Philadelphia for a 1920’s themed costume party of a girl named Alicia, who is a friend of Renee, and who’s husband has been pinched by the Feds and is awaiting sentencing. How great is it I can write pinched by the Feds and have it be about real life not a movie? I love this show. Big Ang shares there is a lot of bad blood between Karen and Alicia’s families. Juicy. Alicia’s husband is in prison with Renee’s dad, and Alicia pled guilty to her own charges and is awaiting her sentencing.
Ang, Drita, and Renee are together chatting about life and Ang says her husband wants to have a baby. She is 53, but her husband is only 40, and he wants a child so she is considering it. Oy vey. Renee is doing a casting call to find a model to be the face of her Mob Candy line. Her casting call is hilarious. These chicks are models? Alicia suggests her friend Natalie, and there you have our other new girl. Brilliant job of tying it all together. Alicia calls Natalie a mini Renee so no good can come of that.
Drita calls Lee and tells him their daughter is being bullied at school. He wants to break some legs and I’m in. Nobody messes with my kid. Sidebar: the soundtrack on this show is the best. Alicia is in NYC visiting her husband so she stops by to see the ladies. Alicia says she does not know anything about her husband’s mob life and was in the dark on all of his activities. Alicia then drops the bomb that her husband’s father was murdered by Karen’s dad Sammy the Bull. Oh. My. God. I just can’t.
This show is crazy. Alicia says Karen’s dad is a serial killer, having allegedly called for 19 people to be murdered. Alicia hates Karen, the girls are friends with Karen, and no good can come of this. Back to Renee, she is doing her photo shoot with Natalie, whose family owns a funeral home. Alicia tells Renee she is disgusted with Karen, but Renee sticks by Karen. Everyone has now stuck by Karen and Alicia’s attempts to stir crap up is not working. Natalie is interesting but she’s going to cause problems.
Time for lunch with Drita, Big Ang, and Natalie. Natalie gets drunk, is a bit kooky, and Big Ang is looking at her like she’s a nut job and it is perfect. Big Ang and Drita are not fans, not impressed, and lunch it over as soon as Natalie starts eating off the plate of Big Ang. This chick is going to be messy and that is good TV. Drita and Big Ang are nervous for Renee that Crazy is the face for her brand. Speaking of which, it is time for the big Mob Candy launch. I hope it goes well for Renee.
The fashion show is interesting. Some of the shoes are gorgeous, but I didn’t really get the clothes. Alicia has problems with a woman named Carla who used to date her husband Eddie. Alicia is going to get old real fast if she is going to complain about everyone on Staten Island. Natalie trips on her way off the runway, and everyone is on her for being a mess. These chicks are harsh. I am reinvested in this show. Mob Wives are scary but when it comes to reality TV they are keeping it real.
December 3, 2013 | 10:31 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
When Real Housewives of Beverly Hills first started I was not a fan of Lisa Vanderpump. I thought she was pretentious and didn’t quite get her sense of humor, which was weird as my Dad was English, I have lived in England, and was raised on BBC comedies. I just didn’t get her, but over the years I grew to think she was quite fabulous and thought her marriage was lovely.
When Vanderpump Rules started I watched, and still do, even though I am too old to relate to these people. They are closer in age to my child than me, but I watch in fascination as these 30 something adults act like they are still in high school. I was married, a mother, and a homeowner at 30 so it is odd to see these people seemingly not have their lives together.
I think Lisa Vanderpump likes being famous, sees herself as the leader of the pack, and takes great pride in being the breakout star of Beverly Hills. From her spin off, to being on Dancing With The Stars, she has arrived. She was not particularly likeable on DWTS, and Vanderpump Rules is scripted and arranged television, but there are still moments she is fabulous.
She is also quite shady, manipulative, and in the end a liar, just like her Vanderpump Rules costar Schaena Marie. If you are willing to spend five minutes on the Internet looking around about the history of these two women you will find out rather quickly they are lying fame whores. Bless them. It’s quite interesting so I thought I would share a video.
Schaena worked at Villa Blanca and when Vanderpump Rules started, Lisa brought her over to SUR. Schaena says she was sleeping with Eddie Cibrian but did not know he was married. In this video from Access Hollywood in 2009, Schaena says she knew Eddie was married but continued to sleep with him after she found out was having another baby with his wife.
He was married, expecting a baby, sleeping with LeAnn Rimes, but Schaena wanted to “have a good summer” and kept on sleeping with him. I find it hard to believer that Lisa did not know this about Schaena, yet played dumb about the whole thing. I believe Lisa knew exactly who Scheana was, used her notoriety to help Vanderpump Rules, and lied to Brandi’s face.
SCHAENA ON ACCESS HOLLYWOOD 4 YEARS AGO:
At the end of the day who cares? These people are doing their thing and I say more power to them. They are making money, getting fame, have lots of fans, and that is all good. I just don’t get how they can all expect to lie and have us not find out. Schaena is a whore. Period. Lisa knew and opted to support Schaena anyway and will not take ownership of it.
I don’t care what people lie about because I am smart and know it is all lies with a touch of reality, not reality with some little white lies. Lisa Vanderpunp or “Vanderc**t as she is commonly referred to on the Internet, is shady. She has been accused of selling stories to the tabloids, using her tabloid relationships to have stories pulled, and it is odd.
Of all the women on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, she is the most successful, beautiful, funny, charming, and overall appealing. It would appear she is also the most fame hungry and has the farthest distance to fall from grace. She had it all. We loved her and thought she was the classy one in a see of not so classy, but in the end she got bit I the ass.
The reality fame bug that ruins lives, kills marriages, damages friendships, and threatens livelihoods has bit Lisa is her rather fabulous arse and rather than take the high road, she is travelling through the reality gutter with her SUR skanks instead of being a lady. It’s just TV and not life altering, but the lying is disrespectful those who watch and enjoy these shows.
On Vanderpump Rules Lisa has a lot of scenes with Schaena that depict their close friendship. I thought she was friends with Brandi? Why befriend a skank? Perhaps Lisa is simply done with Brandi and ready to move on. Joyce looks to be in her sights for a new bestie but that will only last as long as Joyce is on the show, which may not be long. Did Brandi figure Lisa out?
Important to note that I could be totally wrong. One could argue that time will tell, but when it comes to the ladies of reality television even time does not promise truth. If it turns out I am wrong I will say so. Today I believe that Schaena lied, Lisa went along with lie, and it was shady. These women are in it to win it, even if winning requires them to blatantly lie.
I have learned in writing about reality television that not only can you not please everyone, but any opinion that is based in truth and not kissing the ass of someone’s favorite reality star brings a whole lot of crazy out to play. I write my opinion, this post happens to share documented facts, and people will still hate me for it. Some people are simply unable to keep it real.
December 2, 2013 | 7:09 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
We begin this week in Malibu with Yolanda who has her brother and mother visiting as her husband is getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. She really is cute and when her family arrives and they speak in Dutch, joking around with each other, it is lovely. She came from humble beginnings and tells us her father passed when she was 7 and she was determined to take care of her family. It is sweet to see Yolanda with her brother and Mom.
Over to Brandi, she has moved into her new home and is dealing with her two little dogs pooping and peeing on the floor. Sugar and Chica are adorable and when she scolds Chica I was laughing my ass off. She caved quickly and it was really cute. Brandi calls her Mom and tells her she is coming to Sacramento for her Dad’s birthday, but tells us she and her Dad are “on a break” as they are not agreeing with each other at the moment.
Cut to Kyle, even her dog washing clothes are weird. Mauricio comes home and they talk about the rumors of his cheating, on camera, and it is insane. She gets pissed off if anyone even thinks it in her presence, yet she is talking about it. Mauricio thinks Lisa and Brandi are talking crap because they don’t like Kyle. Or, just maybe, they are talking about it because he is cheating and everyone knows it? Who knows and really, who cares?
Jumping to Lisa, she is talking to Ken about the gossip with Kyle as the camera jumps back and forth from Lisa to Kyle. Ken says that he does not think Mauricio has cheated but Lisa disagrees and is a little bitchy about it. In fact, Lisa is a bitchy about a few things and there are some skeletons in her closet that are rearing their ugly heads. I’ll write about those tomorrow in a separate blog, but it would appear she may be a bit shady.
Important to note that when Kyle and Mauricio finish their chat, she kisses him and gets lipstick on his face. She says sorry, he says it is okay because he likes lipstick, “especially hers”. Is it just me or is that hilarious? Of all the chicks he kisses, Kyle’s lipstick is his favorite? I think he is cheating, it is sad, I don’t particularly care, and to quote the divine Mr. Shakespeare, when it comes to Kyle, “the lady doth protest too much, methinks.”
We pick up with Carlton who has taken her cat Midnight to the vet for acupuncture as he fell 18 feet off a railing. I like this chick. The cat does not appear to like acupuncture, but it seems to works, so bless him and her. Seriously, this woman is good TV. Speaking of not good TV, we are back with Kyle who is with Joyce, making lame sexual innuendo jokes, and secretly fantasizing about cutting Joyce’s hair while she is sleeping.
Joyce is going to take all the girls to Palm Springs. Dear Lord. Kyle is talking smack about Lisa and desperately trying to make Joyce like her more. It is disgusting but no surprise since Kyle is disgusting. I think Kyle is inherently mean and not to be trusted. She is immature, selfish, and a little bit dumb. Bless Her. That said, my opinion is based on what I see on the show and I do not know her in real life, but there is nothing real with Kyle.
We finally get to Kim who is out shopping for a graduation dress with her daughter Kimberly. Poor Kim is shooting with kids and dogs. Ugh. Back to Kyle, she is also with her daughters talking about dog poop. Ick. We are jumping back and forth between the shopping and the poop and I am bored. Sidebar: Kyle is not wearing makeup in the kitchen with her kids and she has never looked prettier. Shame about the lipstick though.
Kyle and Kim let us know that neither one of them are educated. Did they actually need to clarify this for us? Not really. Bless them. Lisa and Ken are having dinner with Pandora and Jason. It’s lovely, but incredibly pretentious. Jason is interviewing for jobs in NYC. That’s going to go over well. Everyone is doing a lot of stuff with their kids, which is lovely and sweet. Kim says she is ready for her daughter to leave but she isn’t. Who ever is?
Time for Yolanda’s husband David Foster to get his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It’s all very fancy, lovely, and deserved. It is also odd that Mohammed is there. I don’t get it. Brandi, Lisa, and Carlton are there, and we are supposed to think Kim’s daughter’s graduation is the same day, but I’m not sure I believe it. Foster is a namedropper, which he is allowed, but it is also a little gross. We know he is famous and bought a star. Got it.
At graduation Kim is crying and my heart breaks for her. It is a stressful thing to have your kids grow up. Sidebar: I am so over Kyle talking about her acting career as if it was on the same level as Kim’s. Kyle acted a little bit and Kim was a child star. Kyle just cannot let Kim have anything to herself and it is unappealing. I’m not a fan. The Hollywood thing ends and it occurs to me it was not that interesting of an episode for the second week.
We end the show with a fake bikini shopping trip for Lisa and Brandi. Brandi’s body is sick and Lisa can’t walk in heals without looking like something is shoved up her ass. It is decided that Joyce is a troublemaker, and Brandi says she made out with Carlton. Oy. Brandi and Carlton are a fun pair and it looks like next week we might finally get some good TV. I love this show but it has been slow moving, which is boring, and not keeping it real.
December 2, 2013 | 7:12 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
We start this week with Phaedra who is going to Alabama for her mortician exam. She is rude to Apollo and I have to laugh because she was lucky to get him and seems to not care about holding onto him. Not sure why she is going to Alabama as I assume there are mortuary schools in Georgia, but there are a lot of weird things about Ms. Phaedra so whatever.
Over at the Bailey Agency, which I must say just makes me laugh, Apollo has gone to Peter for advice about Phaedra being a bitch. For the love of God. I hate it when they do stuff with just the men. Who cares? Apollo and Peter are friends now? Apollo is taking advice from Peter? He’s screwed if Peter is his go to guy. Peter wants a new car? Maybe get a job?
Over to Kandi, she is getting ready for Todd to get home, says she is setting up the house, putting out cakes, but he is not coming until the next day. What is she doing? I find it confusing to put out cakes a day before. Her assistant/friend Carmen is talking about her mom and telling Kandi she needs to tell her mom to get on board with Todd or he is out. Oh dear.
Interesting that Carmen is the woman Joyce thinks is sleeping with Todd. Carmen quickly shuts it down and pushes Kandi to pull away from her mom, which makes me think she may in fact be canoodling with Todd. Maybe she is just supporting her friend, and I do agree Kandi needs some protection from her money hungry mom, but who knows.
I love these chicks but we are 15 minutes in and nothing. The dinner with Kandi’s mom and Todd is going to be bad, and the cake will be dry because it has been sitting out for hours. We are off to Kenya so maybe something interesting will finally happen. She is moving into a new rental and it is lame. Why she needs all this house makes no sense. She’s a poser.
Kenya is full of crap is my guess. She is moving into a house and cleaning as she goes, rather than have a cleaner come in, which I am guessing she could not afford. She is gossiping, talking crap about Kandi, putting away cereal, and the whole thing, including Kenya, looks fake. We are going to jump to Nene and again hope for some entertainment. Come on Nene!
Nene and Cynthia are grocery shopping. Really? Cynthia is talking to Nene about her 13 year old daughter having a boyfriend. Nene, whose son had a child young with no job and an unstable relationship, lets Cynthia know she needs to stop being a friend to her child, be a mom, and put her foot down. Bravo. The scripted scene is lame, but Nene is good TV.
Back to Kandi’s house, she has a chef in to cook dinner for her and Todd. I honestly cannot pay attention to what Kandi is saying with that hair. It is just too much. She is telling him her mom does not like him and thinks he is an opportunist. Why she would tell him is beyond me. She is testing him which is fine, but don’t do it on camera. It is just not nice
Kandi is torn between her mom and her man and it is sad. I feel really bad for her. Todd says they need to have a talk because he is in it, but cannot go on like it is. They call Joyce and invite her over. I don’t know what Todd’s deal is, but Kandi is not an idiot and she will protect herself and what she has. Momma needs to respect her daughter not just her money.
We finally head over to Porsha, who is living with her mom, taking advantage, and milking her divorce for all its worth. Bless her. She needs to get a job. We see Porsha for about one minute and go back to Cynthia, who is waiting for her daughter’s boyfriend and his parents to come over for a visit. Doing this on television is wrong on so many levels. Bad parenting.
Arthur and his mom arrive and it is painfully uncomfortable. The children clearly do not want to be there, do not want to be on television, and I am mortified that we are watching this. Cynthia is a dingbat and this is embarrassing. We finally leave them and go to Porsha who is with her Mom and sister looking at apartments, but she is not ready to move.
She is a child and while I think she is charming, this is getting old. She got married, she got divorced, grow up. I appreciate what she went through, understand how shocking it all is, but she needs to get it together. We are back to Kenya, then Phaedra, and it would appear Bravo is bored with everyone too because of all the constant jumping around.
We are now being asked to watch Phaedra study with her fellow students. Really? How is this interesting? She is complaining about her husband to these people. Dear Lord. We are watching “How to ruin your reality TV marriage in 10 easy steps.” by Phaedra Parks. If I were Apollo I would be embarrassed by the constant bitching of his wife.
Time for dinner with Kandi, Todd, and Joyce. Let’s be perfectly clear, Joyce is being a complete bitch. Todd is trying. Joyce is not. Two minutes in and Joyce is talking about the assistant, Carmen, cheating with Todd. She then talks about how since Todd, Kandi has forgotten she has a family and is pissed off there are no pictures of her in the house. Wow.
Joyce is being an idiot. She loves her daughter’s money more than her daughter. This is horrific to watch. She is now complaining to Todd about Kandi's engagement ring, says it was cheap, and he cannot provide for her daughter. It is seriously uncomfortable to watch. Kandi is not supporting her mom, or Todd, just sitting there smiling and I want it to end.
Joyce is not only asking Todd if he will sign a pre-nup, but wants to know terms and financial arrangements. Joyce has lost her mind, Kandi needs to get some balls, and Todd needs a medal for being patient. Next week looks like it will be drama filled and while drama is good reality TV, this feels like too much and I’m not sure if they are keeping it real.
December 1, 2013 | 9:20 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Just when I think LeAnn Rimes cannot do anything crazier, or dumber, she does something that simply blows my mind. I know it is not kind to make fun of the mentally deficient, but when it comes to Ms. Rimes, I think her craziness and stupidity come in a close second and third to her meanness. This woman is mean all the way to her toes so while yes, crazy and stupid define her, let’s talk today about how incredible mean she is.
Mr. Rimes, her husband, had custody of his children over the Thanksgiving holiday. Important to note Ms. Rimes has no legal rights when it comes to her husband’s children and she is not co-parenting them. Her husband is co-parenting his children with his ex-wife and LeAnn is simply blessed to have these kids in her life. Her job is to love her husband and extend that care to her husband’s kids, but she is not a mother.
The dream of every mother is should her children have a stepparent, that woman love her children as if they were her own. It is what we want for our kids. You can love a child that is not yours with all your heart, but when you disrespect the mother and try to replace her, you are not loving the kids as much as punishing the mother. You must respect the mother as much as you love the kids or it just won’t work.
Back to LeAnn, I won’t talk about her attending parent teacher conferences at the school of her husband’s kids, even though she is not their parent and their mother is there. I won’t bother to talk about how she posts endless pictures on social media of her husband’s kids, exposing them to attention they don’t deserve from her mentally unstable fans and paid friends. I would like to mention however how mean she was on Thanksgiving.
On Thanksgiving Day LeAnn tweeted this message: “Thanksgiving wishes from our blended family to yours. So much love and peace.” Oh dear she really is just so dumb. How does one get through each day when they are so stupid? I digress. To clarify, LeAnn does not have a blended family. She has a stolen family. The only thing blended in LeAnn’s home are the margarita’s she appears to drink on a daily basis. Time for a lesson Ms. Rimes.
By definition: blended family [blĕnˈdĭd] noun A blended family is defined as a family made of two parents and their children from previous marriages. An example of a blended family is a woman with two children from a previous marriage who marries a man with three children from a previous marriage. Your family is not blended. You are simply married to a man who has children and it is time you learned your place and stopped being such a bitch.
When Rimes sent her Thanksgiving message, she included a bunch of pictures. I find it fascinating, and by fascinating of course I mean laughable, that she managed to have hair and makeup done for these pictures, yet when she is on tour performing for her fans, she cannot be bothered to even wash her hair. Why is she such a dirty girl for the people who paid a hard earned $5.00 for a concert ticket but glams it up for staged pictures?
Posting those pictures was done for no other reason than to hurt the ex-wife of her husband. Her constant end endless desire to hurt a woman who did nothing wrong is painful to watch. The level to which she is mean to this Brandi Glanville breaks my heart. LeAnn Rimes is a nightmare and the type of woman that all mothers pray will not have access to our children. Her desire to cause pain is more important than respecting these lovely kids.
I could talk about the rotten bananas she had on her day after Thanksgiving table, or the fact that she appeared to serve pizza, but this is not about that. My point is LeAnn Rimes is crazy, stupid, and mean. She is not a parent and if she wants a shot in hell of those kids growing up to respect her, she needs to respect these children she claims to love by honoring their mother. I don’t care how crazy or stupid this woman is, she need not be so mean.
Should Ms. Rimes ever make another record, and I’m not sure she should since she didn’t sell any of her last one, she should call it “Crazy, Stupid, Mean”. It is similar to TLC’s iconic “Crazy Sexy, Cool”, but since Leann is not sexy or cool, likes to steal things from other women, and is mean, “Crazy, Stupid, Mean” should definitely be the name of her next album. I won’t buy it of course, but when I see it I will laugh and laugh. Just keeping it real.
November 25, 2013 | 11:14 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
We start this week with Brandi and Carlton lingerie shopping. Brandi is immediately drawn to heart shaped handcuffs and Carlton admits she loves everything about Brandi. They have sexual innuendos about making out with women, and perhaps each other, and it is funny I guess. They are cute together, if I had their bodies I would walk around naked, forget about the lingerie. Carlton lets Brandi know she needs to write down what she wants and bury it with crystals in order for it to come to her. Okay.
It is an entertaining moment and while the location may have been scripted, they are not, which makes these two so great. Cut to Kim, she is at circus school. Lame. Like Kim had this thought on her own. Didn’t happen. She says she thought it would be a fun place to take the friends. They are not her friends, and Bravo picked this out for her. Should be interesting. Kim wants it to be a fun day with no drama. Maybe she should have invited a different group of women. Something bad is going to happen at the circus.
Kyle and Mauricio are out for dinner with Joyce and her husband Michael. Mauricio is unable to hide how into Joyce he is. It is very entertaining. Kyle’s hair looks greasy next to Joyce’s. Kyle is sitting too close to Mauricio, Joyce is making sex jokes, Kyle is picking her teeth with her tongue, and interrupts dinner to point out that Paris Hilton is on TV and they are breaking gossip not news, so she can make it about her. She is defending her husband just a little too much. I think he cheated and I feel bad for her.
Kyle seems to a bit delusional in terms of how famous she is now, and how famous she was as a child. Hilarious. She is the least appealing housewife, of any city. Enough of her, we are off to Malibu and Yolanda. Her closet is divine. For a woman who appears to wear the same thing every week she has an insane amount of clothes and shoes. She is with her daughters, talking about herself in comparison to her kids, and I am bored. She talks of her daughter leaving for college and her crying, which makes me cry.
Over to Lisa, she is doing her bickering thing with Ken, and he gives her a new puppy. I’m not a dog person, and not interested in Lisa’s talking of “butt sex”, so I am skipping over the whole thing. Cute dog though. Time for circus school. Ugh. This is going to be painful. Bad enough we had to watch Kenya from Atlanta in circus school yesterday, now we have to have the whole Beverly Hills group do it. Kim and Yolanda hate each other and Brandi is pissed off at Kyle. Kim is worried her special day will be ruined with fighting.
Brandi says the paparazzi told her that Kyle said Brandi was a bully. Yolanda wants to talk about it, Brandi wants to clear it up, and Kim shuts it all down. The other ladies arrive and it is ridiculous that this group is doing this activity. Kim tells everyone about her great idea and I am laughing. Kim starts by saying she wants all issues left at the door. Really? I thought she didn’t want any drama, yet starts the thing off with drama. These chicks are too old for circus school, I am bored, and it is beyond fake. Dear Lord.
Important to note that it is a very sad day when Vanderpump Rules is more interesting than the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Hilarious. Kim tells Yolanda she is being rude and the whole thing implodes. Kim is silly, Yolanda is a different caliber of woman, Brandi is not taking anyone’s shit, and Kyle is dying to do the splits. Again. We now have to listen to an infomercial for circus school. For the love of God, what has happened to this show? Now comes the jabs at Brandi, which come from total jealousy. Bitches.
The Richards sisters are both wearing the wrong shade of lipstick. Brandi fills Lisa in on Kyle and the paparazzi. Yolanda chimes in, Carlton listens, and Brandi is over Kyle. Kyle tells Brandi she never said anything and Brandi should take it up with the paparazzi not her. Okay Kyle. What a moron Kyle is. Seriously, this chick is evil. Know it. Yolanda bails out to see her daughter off to prom, while the other women are going to have dinner together. Yolanda takes the high road with Kim, but Kim does not appreciate it.
Dinner is happening and people are on edge. They are by a pool, not all sitting close enough to have a real conversation, and it is another commercial for the venue, which I don’t even remember, so it didn’t work too well. Kyle immediately talks smack and picks her teeth with her tongue. Carlton and Joyce are not clear on why Kim was upset with Yolanda, but are trying to not stir trouble as they don’t know. Brandi shuts it down and says they should talk about Yolanda when she is there. Kyle is a vindictive and evil witch.
Kyle denies all wrongdoing, Brandi agrees to move on, and Kyle cannot let it go and keeps talking about it. Lisa chimes in and Kyle is talking but I cannot pay attention because I am obsessed with her 1980’s Dynasty jacket. Holy crap. Lisa wants Kyle to tweet something, Kyle refuses, Brandi thinks she should, Kyle is still picking her teeth. These women are immature and ridiculous. Lisa talks, Kyle shuts her up, Lisa bows out, and Joyce jumps in to take Lisa off to the side for a private conversation, in front of the camera.
Joyce tells Lisa she was rude to her, Lisa thinks it is insanity and does not understand why Joyce has her panties in a bunch, and I want to scratch my own eyes out. This is truly childish. Everyone is talking garbage and I can’t take it. Joyce says she is a bitch on her period, and Brandi asks if she has her period then. Best line ever. Brandi calls out Joyce for turning on her and we see what these women are unable to see. NONE OF THEM ARE REAL FRIENDS. Beverly Hills is not even trying to keep it real.
November 25, 2013 | 9:02 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
One minute I am writing that these women are fabulous and I love them, then not so much. I guess that is how the housewives roll. We love them, and love to not love them. They are great television, polarizing women, and while fun to blog, sometimes hard to watch. We are back with the ladies of the South and begin with Kenya who is taking an acrobat class. Kenya is her most pretty when she has makeup caked on. That’s got to be tough on her skin.
She is all kinds of crazy. Translation: Good TV. Kenya lets us know she is no stranger to having her legs in the air. Charming. Kandi joins her, in work out clothes, but cannot work out because she hurt her ankle, and she is dieting. Okay. She wants to talk about Apollo and Kenya texting and I am a bit bored of this storyline. They have dragged it on long enough. They texted each other, had a flirtation, were inappropriate, and played with fire. Next.
Kandi is a little too invested in the whole thing and looks silly. Bless her. Cut to Porsha, she is in therapy. I am not a fan of televised therapy, not a fan of scorned women claiming their exes are gay, or a fan of women spinning their pain for sympathy. We sympathize with Porsha for a lot of reasons and therapy is not going to help her cause. I am going to skip over the session. Her therapist seems great, but I believe it is unethical to do this on TV.
Nene has gone to visit Cynthia who is milking her surgery to the last possible minute. I like Nene and think Atlanta has the best fake eyelashes of any of the HW franchises. These women rock those lashes like nobody's business. Kandi calls as Nene visits and Cynthia takes the scripted call. Oy vey. Kandi invites Nene and Cynthia to a get together to help lift Porsha up. They agree to go and after twenty minutes in I am really bored. Come on girls.
Kandi works on her diet by going out for frozen yogurt. I think Kandi looks great. Phaedra joins her and we get caught up on the fact that she is super busy and does not have a lot of time for her husband. There you go. Kandi stirs the pot and starts gossiping about Kenya. She is a yenta to be sure. Phaedra says Kenya offered to blow her husband and it all seems lame. There is no way in hell Phaedra is this calm and the façade will crumble.
Phaedra says that Kenya and Apollo were together in LA, and he had to change hotels because she would not leave him alone. Not buying it. Remember Kenya’s first season when he threw her in the pool? Something is going on there. Ugh. Cut to Cynthia, she is with her 13 year old daughter, who has a boyfriend and they kiss. Dear Lord. Cynthia did not handle this conversation well and filming it was wrong. These women are screwing up their kids and fame is not wroth selling out your children for a storyline.
It is time for lunch with Nene, Cynthia, Porsha, Phaedra, and Kandi. Kenya was not invited. Kandi’s hair is just too much, and nobody else is in the restaurant so they scripted this “lunch” for early morning. Porsha is bitching about Cordell and calls the ladies her “close friends” Really? They are not friends and she is so bitter that she is unable to control herself and is throwing all kinds of shade. That won’t help her in court. Be quiet Porsha.
Porsha is talking about how Cordell wouldn’t let people come visit her and Cynthia chimes in about how wrong it is, yet she just told us last week that Peter does not let her family come over. Hypocrite. Cynthia is married to her own Cordell. Know it. Over to Kenya, she is in her new temporary digs, some hotel that is dirty and dingy. Really? She has moved to 1970. Nene is hilarious with her criticism of the hotel and insists she take Kenya house shopping.
Kenya lets us know she is dating a man she met in Nigeria. Translation: He wrote her to say she won a billion dollars in the Nigerian lottery and she sent him her number to collect the money, and they started dating on Skype. Dear Lord. Nene takes her to see a gorgeous condo which Kenya mocks and insists she can afford if she liked it, which she doesn’t. I just do not believe this woman has that much money. The realtor is annoying. Moving on.
Paedra and Apollo are having dinner to talk about Kenya. Oh. My. God. This is uncomfortable to watch and I am not digging it. He is defensive, she thinks this is about cheating not texting, and I don’t know who I feel more sorry for, him or her. Their kids is the right answer I guess. They do not seem to like each other and while I know this was filmed long ago, this tension runs deep and I hope they are okay. I can’t watch this dinner of threats.
Next week Porsha will go on a date, Phaedra will continue to punish her husband and hurt her marriage, Kandi’s mom will be a complete bitch to Kandi and Todd, and Kenya will deny being a crazy whore. This was not a great week, but they can’t all be winners. I like this show, like these women, and am certain that will change soon enough. At the end of the day these women may have scripted friendships, but they are still keeping it real.