Posted by Ilana Angel
The reunions are always the best part of a housewives season but in the case of Miami, it might be the only good thing. This was a boring season and the women are hideous. They will cry, yell, accuse, and bully. I have got a bottle of wine so here we go Miami. I hope these ladies are finally able to be honest with each other. By ladies of course I mean they are not ladies.
Andy looks good and I am digging his grey hair. They are all starting off polite but it is going to go down. Lisa says not a lot of people in Miami work, Joanna goes after Lisa almost immediately and it is on, but not just yet. We recap the wedding of Adriana and Joanna. They were boring the first time around so I don’t understand the need for the long recap.
Joanna says not much has changed since she got married. That’s a shame since it means they still don't have sex. Bless her. Joanna says Adriana’s wedding was gorgeous but the waiting was rude and guests were miserable. .Adriana admits she has a problem with being late and asks if there is an “AAA” for lateness. She really is quite a dumb girl.
Adriana says she did not like Joanna’s dress and I’m a little bored. We sat through an entire season of crap and this needs to get interesting real fast. Cut to a recap of Lisa and Joanna’s friendship. These chicks are not real friends and we see all the fighting. Sidebar: Lisa looks a little bit like Melissa Rivers. Oy Vey. That was mean. True, but a little mean.
Adriana stands up for Lisa pointing out that Joanna was ungrateful when it comes to Lisa’s friendship. Lisa says she struggles as an immigrant from Canada. Oh. My. God. I am Canadian and I can assure you my immigration was a piece of cake. Lisa is defensive about having married for money and Alexia asks an innocent question and Lisa goes after her. Lisa is on edge.
Alexia points out she was a special education teacher for thirteen years when she met her rich husband. The point is these women all married well and with the exception of Joanna, men that were more rich than handsome. Joanna says maybe Lisa would have an easier time of getting pregnant if she stopped drinking. Below the belt. Joanna is a bitch. Know it.
Joanna implies that Lisa was doing drugs at the wedding. Or did she imply she cheated? Either way it was gross. Joanna says she is working on her sex life, and Lisa says Lenny is too tired for sex. Alexia won’t comment on her sex life. Adriana says her sex is hot, and Lea says she enjoys a great sex life. Who cares about this? I could not care any less about their sex.
Adriana asks Joanna about her relationship with Mohamed and says that Brandi from RHOBH told her that Joanna was the reason Yolanda Foster’s marriage to Mohamed ended. Interesting for Adriana to bring it up, and even more interesting she brings up Brandi. Adriana calls Joanna a home wrecker and Joanna is offering to take a lie detector test to prove she is not.
Adriana says it was rude for Joana to invite the man whose marriage she ended to her wedding. I don’t know what happened with Mohamed but I am guessing Joana banged him. Come on. Adriana says Romain is gay, Romain says Adriana wants him, Adriana ask why she would want a man with a limp dick. It is high school and I am laughing at these women.
Time to talk about Adriana being married for five years and the end of her friendship with Lea. I believe Adriana when she says Lea sold the story to the newspaper. They are vicious to each other. Adriana apologizes to everyone for her lie about her being married. Lea points out that Adriana lied about a lot of things in terms of her history. Lea is a twat.
Lea brings evidence she paid for Adriana’s son to stay in school. On this point I believe Lea. It is impossible to know who is telling the truth so the easiest thing is to assume they are all lying. This reunion is ugly and I am disappointed by the fact that after an hour we know nothing new except that these bitches are useless. Maybe part two will keep it real.
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire.
12.2.13 at 7:09 pm | Second week in a row of boring television.
12.2.13 at 7:12 am | I was bored with all the jumping around.
12.1.13 at 9:20 am | The constant end endless desire to hurt someone. . .
11.25.13 at 11:14 pm | They started off strong, but tonight tanked.
11.25.13 at 9:02 pm | Some of this episode was uncomfortable to watch.
12.1.13 at 9:20 am | The constant end endless desire to hurt someone. . . (4181)
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire. (3819)
12.2.13 at 7:09 pm | Second week in a row of boring television. (3537)
November 11, 2013 | 6:38 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
We start off this week in Malibu with Yolanda. Her house is perfection, she is fabulous, and I wish someone would tell her that her that she would be so much prettier if she darkened her hair a little bit. I’ll do it. Yolanda you are a wonderful and beautiful woman, but your hair color is just a tad too white.
Yolanda is not feeling well due to Lymes Disease and on a cleanse to help rid her body of toxins. Bless her. Over to Lisa, she is off to Dancing With The Stars. We know how that turned out. Jumping to Carlton, we see her house fand it is lovely, a bit on the goth side, and we see her children who are beautiful. Her husband gets home and they work out.
By work out of course I mean the entire family, including the kids, work out. Her husband is in sports management and their nanny, although I’m sure a nice girl, is an interesting choice. Carlton swears in front of her kids, which I also do. She doesn't censor herself and her kids don't swear, so anyone who has an issue with it can F off. By F off of course I mean fuck off.
Back at Yolanda’s house, she is on the way to the hospital with her husband David. She is having surgery done and her doctor meets her at check-in, which is lovely. His plastic surgery is not so lovely. To hear her speak of her illness, husband, and children is touching and I send her prayers for health. I am not clear on what Lymes Disease is but will find out.
Cut to Brandi, she is moving into her new house and has her mom there to help her. Her mom is cute and clearly aware of who her daughter is. Brandi says the best thing about being rich is she can help her parents and it is sweet. She has a falling out with her Dad, who thinks she needs to be more conservative and was offended by her dress for the Oscars. Bless him.
I wasn’t offended by her dress, but I did think it was hideous. Back at the hospital Yolanda is having a port taken out of her chest. I think she is brave to share this on the show and I find myself wanting to hug her, although she does not seem like much of a hugger. Her daughter calls and says she ate an almond. For the love of God, Yolanda needs to give her kid a sandwich.
Cut to Dancing With the Stars, Lisa is competing and Brandi, Kim and Kyle are there to support her. Well, Kim and Brandi are there to support her and Kyle is there to fake support and get on TV. They go out to eat after the show and Taylor is there. I don’t trust Taylor and think she is money hungry fame whore who contributed to the death of her husband.
Lisa, Ken and her dance partner Gleb join in. Yummy, yummy, ding dong. Kyle’s dress is not pretty and I wonder how it is she has a store for fashion when she appears to have no taste in clothes or accessories. Whatever. Cut to Bravo doing two conversations at the same time, in two different locations. I know it is an attempt at drama but is just annoying and lame.
At Kyle’s house she is having the new girls over. Joyce is lovely, Carlton is intimidating, and Kyle is looking for more camera time. Some chick named Sharon joins in. Whatever. Joyce is gorgeous. Carlton is telling a story and in the middle of her talking, Kyle says she is leaving and heads to get wine. Kyle is a bitch and there is no other way to say it. Complete and total bitch.
At Lisa’s house, Brandi is over with Yolanda. The lunches are going on at the same time and I wish the new chicks were at Lisa’s not Kyle’s. Lisa and the girls are talking about Kyle and the fact she is a liar and has no friends. Lisa is being bitchy which is interesting. The lunch at Kyle’s is drastically different from Lisa’s. It’s like The Four Seasons and McDonalds.
Carlton met her husband during a fight with another chick. Love it. Joyce meets her husband on a blind date. Joyce is going on and on, and Carlton is bored. I freaking love me some Carlton. A bee comes by and Kyle directs her friend to kill it and Carlton is mortified. We are going to have issues with his new group and I imagine it will all revolve around Kyle, like always.
Over to Kim, she is home with her dog Kingsley and the dog trainer has come over. This dog is dangerous and I would not go near him. He attacks the dog trainer and it frightens Kim. Why does she have this dog? She needs a more manageable dog. We meet Kim’s son Chad, and neither one of them can get the dog to sit. I think that dog is going to hurt someone. Know it.
Kim acknowledges her sobriety and we are reminded she is fragile and understand how much the dog means to her. He is going to hurt her, but she loves him. She cries when speaking of her struggles and it is endearing. You cannot watch this show and not love this woman. I love her as much as I don’t love her sister. Which is a lot. I hope she continues to do well.
Lisa is with Ken and they are opening a new bar. A gay bar called “Pump”. I’d rather watch a show about Pump with gay fabulousness than SUR skanks. Cut to Kim who is visiting Kyle. They are going to watch Lisa on DWTS and I wonder why Kyle wears such high heals to walk around her house. Idiot. They are watching the episode where Lisa faints and again, Kyle is a bitch.
Kim is shocked, Kyle is laughing, and I want to smack her. Kim says Lisa was faking, and Kyle says she fainted on purpose to get off the show. These Richards bitches are out of control. It is going to be a great season and I am hooked. Kyle is going to tease Lisa and I can’t wait. I hope Lisa punches her for all of us. I am digging it and will keep on keeping it real.
November 11, 2013 | 8:58 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I loved this show first season, then everyone got a big head and thought they were superstars, which made the second season difficult to watch. They are back for season three and I am going to try again. These are interesting people and so if they can check themselves and their egos, it could be good again. I am watching, for now, so we’ll see what happens.
Important to note that I think it is a drag they got rid of Sammy. He was fun TV and all these beautiful people are not as authentic as he was. We start with Reza and Mike who are out Porshe shopping for Reza. They’re working together but Mike is not pulling his weight so Reza is raking it in, but not Mike, who is riding coattails, and that is never cute. Reza is fabulous.
MJ is spending the afternoon with her Mom. This relationship is cute on occasion, but mostly it is just sad. MJ is trying to forge a relationship with a woman who is incapable of one. She loves her daughter, in the way she can, but there is going to be disappointment and I feel bad for MJ. She is a sweet girl and desperately hanging onto the pain of her childhood.
Lily is planning a prom themed 30th birthday party and I find myself wanting to cut her hair while she is sleeping. She is just too much. She is ridiculous and a sad representation of what it means to be Persian. Lily came in as the new girl and is a complete and total bitch. She is a fame whore and appears to be oblivious to how ridiculous she acts, or how dumb she looks.
Lily is all about being the top girl and will do what needs to be done to make that happen. She is on Reza like white on rice and wants MJ out. Mercedes has not yet RSVP’d to the party and so Lily has decided she can no longer come because there is no room. She has invited random people, but selects MJ to be the one cut off. Lily is selfish and this will backfire.
Over with GG, she is with her sister, who is getting a divorce. GG has been a hot mess for a couple of years so it will be interesting to see how she comes across this season. She claims to be growing up and maturing. Time will tell. She wants to get married and have a baby. God bless her. She is delusional, but cute and harmless, so I am hoping for the best for GG.
Reza is over to Asa’s parents house for a meal. I love how the parents are included in this culture and everyone knows the parents of their friends. It is lovely. The meal looks awesome and I wish I could cook the rice with the potatoes on the bottom. So freaking good. They are talking about Lily’s party and get around to being healthy and working out. Dear Lord.
Asa is back on her Persian Priestess trip and still hawking her Diamond Water, so is preaching about a healthy lifestyle. She will give her mother plastic surgery, if she agrees to work out. I’m bored. Back to GG who is now visiting with MJ, who has decided to clean out her closet. Sidebar: Why do rich people never have good hangers? It’s always plastic crap.
MJ and Reza are still fighting after his accusations last year. That is sad. Lots of talk of MJ and Lily’s party so something bad is coming. Over with Mike, he is still dating his Italian girlfriend Jessica, who has decided to convert to Judaism. Oy Vey. Mike is a bit of a loser and she is converting without a ring because he can’t afford one is my guess.
Reza calls MJ after months, on camera, and she invites him over. Seriously, who is writing this crap? He comes with flowers and food, which is cute. She takes the flowers to put in a vase and leaves Reza alone in the living room for a half hour on his own. It is funny and a small touch of realness. I love these two together and I hope they mend what is broken.
Reza tells MJ that Lily is not letting her into the party and I love him for saving his friend from the humiliation of not getting in. He had no problem humiliating her on TV last season, but bless him for trying to do the right thing now. MJ texts Lily to tell her she would like to come and apologizes for replying so late. Lily writes her back to say she cannot come.
It was immature and selfish of Lily. Cut to the party, Lily is getting ready with hair and makeup. Then to the party, Reza is still dating his boyfriend Adam. The guests arrive and the dresses are ridiculous. A little too hooker for me. That said, if I had a body like these chicks I might wear those dresses. I kid, nobody is putting me in a low cut hoochie dress.
GG is wearing a pretty dress but her hair is a nest. She approaches Asa, who she hates, so it is a good sign of maturity. They talk eventually and it is promising. GG says sorry and I am proud of her. Not sure if she means it, or is trying to get camera time, but either way, good for her. The party is lame and I feel bad for the man who marries Lily that this is her way.
The party is still going at 1:00 am and Reza, GG, and Asa are talking about how bad it is that MJ is not there. Reza calls MJ his best friend, which was lovely. They approach Lily who is defensive and angry, not feeling bad about MJ not being here. It was a slow premier but looks like an emotional and volatile season so I will watch, blog, and hope they keep it real.
November 11, 2013 | 7:49 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
This might be the worse show on Bravo. I say that only because Courtenay Loves Dallas has not aired yet. This show is complete crap and I was embarrassed for the Tankard family. If I were a member of their congregation I would be pissed the leaders of my church are soentitled and idiotic when it comes to God and faith.
Ben Tankard and his wife Jewel are not even a little appealing. They are obsessed with money and come across as tacky. They run a ministry and their messages about God wanting them to be rich is repulsive. Their adult children are a hot mess. From teenage pregnancy, to troubles with the law, to drug use, these young people are now just fame whores.
I am not sure how these young women think they have a shot in hell of meeting a man after this show. Mr. Tankard says they serve a God who is all about bling, and there is no ghetto in heaven. Dear Lord. They are off to get a new plane and I am about done. This show is a waste of time and they are not doing themselves any favors. Don’t waste your time.
They live in Tennessee, in a mansion with an overflowing toilet, so lets get a little persepective. They are trying to look like a sitcom and that would work if these people were not so ridiculous. I am not going to bother to blog the whole show, and I will not be watching this crapfest again. Bravo should be embarrassed to have paid for this. That is keeping it real.
November 11, 2013 | 5:50 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Every season, in every city, Bravo tells us this is the best year yet when it comes to the housewives. It never is, until now. We are only two weeks in but I think this might really be the best season for Atlanta. It is a great group, they don’t really like each other, use each other for camera time, throw a lot of shade, and are too busy living to worry about lying too much.
I am hooked and I watching with new interest. I’m not sure I would think they were as entertaining if I were an African American woman from Atlanta, but it’s all in good fun and we know all women of color are not like this crazy, self absorbed, fame whoring group. Think what you want about them, there is no denying these chicks are good TV.
We start this week at court where Kenya has won her lawsuit against her landlord, who tried to evict her for not paying rent. Kenya is not surprised to see the paparazzi there, and it is hilarious because it is one guy. Just one. Kenya is not nearly as famous or important as she thinks she is. I hope she thanks God for RHOA because it is the only reason we know who she is.
Over with Porsha, she gets her first $5000 spousal support check and decides she doesn‘t want to use it to pay rent, so she moves in with her mom. Does anyone else think Porsha’s mom looks like Beyonce’s mom? They could be sisters. There is a lot of talk about money with Porsha and that is a shame because she is coming across as a gold digger and I don’t think she is.
Nene is meeting with Kenya, who appears to have forgotten to wash her hair. Nene is my favorite and calls out Kenya for her fake crying. In my opinion Kenya is a liar and that she is still talking about Walter is fascinating. She barely dated him, never slept with him, and she is delusional about their relationship. Nene sets her straight and hopefully we can let Walter go.
Nene points out that it is when you are going to see an ex you should really twirl. Amen. She also points out that with all the dick in Atlanta you don’t need to steal another woman’s man. Amen. I love me some Nene. Kenya does not know the difference between implicating and implying, bless her. She may be pretty, and a businesswoman, but she is also a little dumb.
Cynthia is with her loser of a husband talking about her stomach being bloated. It is brave of her to talk about it and show her tummy on camera, and her honesty is a charming as her husband is not charming. I think Peter is an ass wipe and she needs to dump him already. Cynthia has fibroids and is hoping to have surgery to help with her pain and discomfort.
We jump to the Kandi compound where Cynthia has come over for a scripted visit. Kandi’s hair is not working for me. Don’t get it. Kandi explains to Cynthia that her mom is not supportive of her getting married. I feel bad for Kandi. She just can’t get a break when it comes to love. Porsha joins the fun, as does Phaedra, who says that Porsha has a small brain. Such a bitch.
Phaedra tries so hard to be a southern belle but she is a gutter pig. Know it. They are talking about Kenya being inappropriate with Apollo and throw out a Monica Lewinsky joke. Really? That was a million years ago and to be clear, I would have blown President Clinton too. Sorry. But yes, I would have. Surely there are more recent blow jobs that can be referenced than Lewinsky.
Over at Phaedra’s house, she is living in squalor. Her babies are beautiful. For someone who is so busy, Phaedra certainly finds time to complain. It is all she does. Her marriage is crumbling, we are watching, and no matter how she tries to spin it, it ain’t looking good. The constant passive aggressive digs at each other are uncomfortable to watch. He is going to dump her.
Cynthia and Peter are off to the doctor and Peter is being a schmuck. Cynthia is a perfect candidate for the surgery she needs and is relieved. Bravo for sharing this part of her life as it will help people. Cut to the big meeting, where Nene has gathered the entire group to talk so they can move on with the season. Atlanta is hilarious when they are scripted to hang out.
Kenya is back peddling and it is pathetic. She is denying what she said, trying to spin it, and looks like a moron. This conversation is a bit boring because everyone is talking around it, rather than hit is head on. Porsha is all kinds of ballsy and I love it. Kenya is crazy, Phaedra knows this was as much Apolo’s fault as Kenya’s, then Phaedra jumps to the aids situation. Ouch.
Phaedra reminds Kenya that she accused them of having aids, Kenya denies it, then we see the tape of her saying it. Kenya is not only a delusional bitch, but she is mean spirited and out to cause drama, which works well on a show like this. Week two and she is digging herself a huge hole. Nobody likes Kenya so it will be interesting to see how she plays out during the season.
Porsha is moving into her mom’s house and points out that she and her sister are so close they are like Siamese cats. Not twins, cats. Dear Lord. To be that pretty and dumb is just good TV. Porsha gets her mom to give her the master suite and her mother move into a spare room. Really? I get the mom saying yes to that option, but shame on Porsha for even asking her.
Porsha gets a text message that Cordell is packing up all her crap and delivering it to her mother’s house. I am not buying for one minute that her lawyer is texting this information. He would have called. We are smarter than the writers of this show, which is annoying. After all the money we make for Bravo you’d think they could hire a good writer and not a dumbass.
Kandi is with her mom, who has moved into Kandi’s old house. Kandi’s mom needs to get a job and stop living off her daughter. She starts bagging on Todd and how he is cheating and using Kandi for her money. It would appear that everyone in Kandi’s life is worried about her money and how they will get less of it with Todd in the picture. I feel very sad for Kandi and this drama.
She is supporting a lot of people and it would appear money is more important than Kandi to many of these people. I like Kandi. The stress of her mother and Todd fighting is causing her to cry and make really bad hair choices. Bless her. Kandi’s mom needs to back down. This season is going to be good because the women of Atlanta are really trying to keep it real.
November 9, 2013 | 2:51 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I write two blogs for JewishJournal.com. Both are popular, occasionally harsh in their honesty, and seem to take on a life of their own when it comes to Twitter. It is fascinating that a small group on Twitter are hell bent on lashing out and putting me and my supporters in harms way. By small group of course I mean they all follow each other and while they like to think they are reaching millions, they only read each other so it’s just a dozen women reading and talking to themselves.
The madness started on Twitter years ago when I wrote I liked Jill Zarin. Those who don’t like Jill lost their minds. I was accused of liking her because she was Jewish. (Apparently all Jews like each other.) Who knew? I liked Jill as a character on a TV show, and when I met her in person, I liked her as a woman. She was good TV and regardless of whether I agreed with what she said or did, I enjoyed watching her. My opinion of her did not change when I met her because she was the same in real life.
Jill is opinionated, strong willed, honest, open, not easily intimidated, brash, occasionally harsh, and owns all of it. She is the quintessential New York Jewish broad and I think RHONYC has not been the same since she was unceremoniously fired. I think Bethenny’s hands are all over her departure, but my opinion of why she was fired is irrelevant and old news. What I know for sure is that Jill Zarin is funny, lovely, supportive, and will have my back when I need her.
A handful of trolls on Titter spewed a lot of hate my way when I supported Jill, and when those who support me spoke up against the hate I was getting, they were attacked. It has been a couple of years and things have quieted down, but the same group has now decided to start up with me again over my support of Brandi Glanville. There is always one polarizing housewife on every season in every city, and people are as obsessed with Brandi as they were with Jill.
I think Brandi is good TV. I also think people are quick to judge her. Brandi is honest, open, uncensored and vulnerable. I personally don’t think you can go through the public humiliation of your husband being an asshole, and his new wife being a sociopath, without being a little broken. Just my opinion and one Brandi may not agree with in terms of being broken. Here’s the thing about Brandi, we are friends but I don’t seek her approval on anything I write.
Brandi Glanville is lovely. She is a girl’s girl and she will go to the mattresses for you. She has picked me up when I fell, wiped my tears, made me laugh, been compassionate and kind. I love her. Do I think she has made mistakes? Yes. Do I think we have all faultered and managed to get through it without a camera on us? Yes. She is a great mom, wonderful friend, true beauty, funny as fuck, and a rock star in a sea of reality garbage. My friend gets a lot of Twitter hate.
I am getting ripped apart on Twitter for liking Brandi in the same way I was for liking Jill. I feel bad for my friend when she is trashed but I laugh when people write her to be careful around me because I cannot be trusted. They have written I am employed by the moron that is LeAnn Rimes, and I sell stories about her to the tabloids. It’s all rather entertaining. She responds with an occasional fuck off, but for the most part we just ignore it and move on with our lives.
I write for a living and it makes me happy. I write about reality shows, which make me crazy sometimes, but it is fun. I get paid to do what I love and am great at it. I write blogs, am working on a book, and am truly blessed to be able to support my child and myself by sharing my opinion and my truth. I also understand people’s need to write about me. If I am allowed to share my opinion, people can certainly share their opinions of me in return. It is the hate I struggle with.
To post my address and phone number on Twitter is idiotic. It is always people who hide behind fake accounts and fake pictures. That Twitter allows people to continue harassing strangers is fascinating. Some of these people tweet 24/7. They post pictures of their kids and grandbabies at the same time they spew hate, threats, and ignorance. I’m guessing a lot of kids are being ignored while their delusional caregivers are online pretending to be tough.
People incite hate and are currently going out of their way to harass women who follow both Brandi and me. It is fascinating Twitter has not banned these people, the police have not arrested them, and their bosses have not fired them. All in good time I suppose. They seem to think their identities are a secret, which shows how delusional they are. There are several people on Twitter who have begun a hate campaign and it would be funny if it were not so pathetic.
These crazy people scare me on occasion, but mostly it makes me sad. By sad of course I mean there is a little sadness amongst all the laughing. Brandi certainly does not care, Jill rolls her eyes that people are so nuts, but we are women and so there are emotions, mostly anger, because those who judge most harshly, are those who don’t know us. I understand the right to judge, and to a certain extent my job requires me to be judgmental, but to judge is not to hate.
Twitter is a hateful place and the lack of accountability from Twitter is unbelievable. I have written countless complaints, as has my employer, but the people who are dangerous are not dealt with. You get an email from Twitter assuring you it is being handled, but it never is. People are being hurt and Twitter does not step it. It’s not rocket science and if they wanted to help, they could. They are more focused on making money than the integrity of their original vision.
One could argue my writing about these insignificant losers is a waste of my time, but the way I see it, I receive a lot of love and support from people on Twitter and for me to say nothing when they are being attacked is unacceptable. I have their backs as they have mine. If these morons want to have a go at someone for liking Jill and Brandi, or simply have an issue with me, come after me and leave the people who support me alone. Let innocent people enjoy Twitter.
By come after me of course I mean fuck off already. Thousands of people have died in the typhoon that hit the Philippines, people are starving to death, women are being killed, raped, and tortured at this very moment just because they are women. You are operating as if what you say matters when in truth it does not. Don’t like my blog? Don’t read. Don’t like me? Don’t follow. Get a little perspective and grow up. Imagine if someone was doing to you what you do to others.
I have survived greater things than attacks on Twitter, and this too shall pass. To those who enjoy my work, thank you. I love you for speaking up, but save yourselves and do not engage with hate. To Jill Zarin, I ain’t got nothing but love for you, and to Brandi, keep doing what you do. To those who are operating from an evil place, get some clarity. Time for you to shut up and back off. When it comes to defending myself and my friends I will fight back and keep it real.
November 4, 2013 | 8:40 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
How excited are we that these ladies are back?!?!? It is going to be a great season because these women know how to deliver, and when they don’t, we always Brandi Glanville to entertain us. It is going to be catty, mean, funny, dark, eye rolling, oh no she didn’t, what a bitch fun and I for one am excited. We all have our favorites and it will be interesting to see how it plays out. Buckle up people because we’ve got two new ladies and it is on. Here we go!
To clarify, I am friends with Brandi Glanville, and our friendship does not change how I write my blog. I will comment on her in the same way I do with all the women. Additionally, I met Kim Richards recently and I adore her. She is kind, gentle, fragile, and lovely. I also met Yolanda Foster, who is gorgeous and great, but I have a job to do and I will write my recaps as only I can. It will be honest, and it may get harsh, but it will fabulous and real.
We start with Yolanda who is overseeing the modeling career of her daughter Gigi. They are both gorgeous and when Yolanda says that Gigi is a much better version of her, I think it is lovely. We saw a harsher side of her parenting last year, and she is still pushing her, but she is soft and cute now. She touches briefly on her being ill with Lymes Disease and it will be sad to see how that all plays out for her this season.
We jump to Brandi who is getting a new house with the help of her realtor/boyfriend JR. Brandi met JR at Kyle’s white party last year and I am not a fan of mixing business with pleasure so that relationship might come back to bite her in the ass. He is cute, and she is balls to the wall. Brandi lets us know they have a lot of sex, we know he has met her kids, and we know that he is a grown man living in an apartment. The house is great.
Off to Lisa, she is rehearsing for Dancing With The Stars with her partner Gleb, who is gorgeous. Lisa looks great but I hope we don’t have an entire season of her dancing. It wasn’t great on DWTS so we don’t need to see it all again. Time for Kyle. Ugh. She is my least favorite housewife. I’m not sure why, but she bugs me. Maybe it is because she is an evil and conniving bitch who goes out of her way to hurt her sister? Maybe.
She is at her store doing a shameless plug, while featuring a hideous pink jacket. The Beverly Hills Chamber of Commerce comes by to get her to join and she has no clue what the chamber is or what it does. Bless her. She’s dumb. Kyle points out that she was born in Beverly Hills, which she was not. She was born in Hollywood. Kyle is still at odds with Lisa and wants to patch things up. Translation: she wants more camera time.
Brandi is out shopping with Yolanda for her new house. She is shopping with someone much richer than her, which is not going to be fun. She also points out that she got rid of all the furniture she had while she was married to Eddie Cibrian. By Eddie Cibrian of course I mean the Douchelord who is now married to a skanky whore. Cut to Kyle, Lisa has come over. The scripted stuff bores me. As if Kyle would have Lisa’s SUR cater her Chamber of Commerce party. Hilarious. This is going to be bad. Whoo Hoo!
Kyle says she is over Yolanda because she is a liar and she does not do liars. Really? Kyle lied about stealing her sister’s house, and her husband cheating, so it is a little pathetic to call out lying. We jump back and forth to Yolanda and Brandi, and Yolanda is not interested in attending Kyle’s party. I hate when they go back and forth between two different conversations. Lisa talks about the tabloids and calls Kyle out for talking smack.
Kyle insists she did not say anything about Lisa. Right. She also asks about Mauricio cheating, who happens to conveniently walk in. Lisa makes a joke, Kyle gets pissed, and I am distracted by the truly ugly necklace Kyle is wearing. Over to Kim, she is hanging out with her dog Kingsley and it is hilarious. He is a giant and going to be a superstar. Kim’s kids are all growing up and leaving home. I feel for her and want her dog.
Back at Kyle’s, the SUR staff is there to set up for the party. They are dirty. I get that they are doing a RHOBH/Vanderpump Rules crossover, but I don’t care about the young, dirty people so this is a bit of a drag. Lisa and Ken arrive and great everyone, including Schaena. Really? This girl is an idiot and famous for being an idiot, so why is she here? I’m not a fan. I am not going to watch or blog about Vanderpump Rules. Yuck.
Kyle says it is an exciting night for her because she is a businesswoman and being in the Chamber of Commerce, which she does not understand, is a big deal. Oy vey. Kyle thinks Lisa is intimidated by Yolanda. Or maybe Lisa doesn’t give a shit and Kyle is pissed that Lisa won’t pick a side? Kyle is a liar, and a mean girl, and a baby. Plus her dress is too small for her. Kim arrives along with new chick Carlton and her husband David.
Brandi and Yolanda arrive and I wonder why the housewives were invited at all. It is a business party and only Lisa has a business in Beverly Hills. Stupid. The second new girl Joyce and her husband Michael arrive. Wow. She is really pretty and Mauricio is totally checking her out. Creepy. Carlton’s kids are named Cross, Destiny, and Mystery, which seems to be fascinating to everyone. Beautiful names, but who cares?
Kyle is talking smack about Lisa to Joyce and it is gross. Kyle is a hag. Truly. Lisa is talking to Kyle and it is sad because Lisa needs to walk away from that trash. Cut to Brandi and Kim in the kitchen and Schaena, the whore, comes in and Brandi talks nicely to her, which is weird. I would not talk to her. She talks about her having a wonky tooth and it is hilarious. Schaena starts crying and I am laughing my ass off. Schaena is a moron.
The transition is happening from RHOBH to Vanderpump Rules and I am out. These people make no sense to me. They are childish and just not cute. I mean physically they are super cute, but in terms of their personalities and behavior, they are not cute. I am done. The housewives of Beverly Hills are perfect TV. We will love them, hate them, feel invested, and not care. They are reality TV gold I will be watching, blogging, and keeping it real.
November 4, 2013 | 8:11 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I have not blogged the entire season because I was bored a lot of the time. These chicks are sloppy and not entertaining. I’ve watched, usually while doing something else, and drinking as I marvel at the insane amount of plastic surgery. It is finally over and the big finale is all about the wedding of sexless and beautiful Joanna and Romain.
It has been a season of crying, yelling, mean girls. None of them like each other and are not good enough actresses to pull the friendships off. Lisa is allowing us to watch her marriage crumble, Joanna is sharing that she has no sex, Lea is a liar jealous of the younger women, Alexia is using her kids unfortunate situations as a storyline, and Adriana is just odd and a moron.
The ladies are in a car driving from Las Vegas to San Diego because they got so drunk and out of control at the bachelorette party that they missed their flight. Lisa is vomiting, Joanna is pissed, and after five minutes in I’m not sure I will make it through the whole thing. Luckily it is the last one so I will drop a straw in my bottle of wine and hope for the best. Cheers!
They go back to the morning they were to leave and I cannot believe how much these chicks packed for 2 nights away. I also don’t get why they put things in drawers if they were only staying in Vegas overnight. Joanna is stressed she will miss her wedding and Romain will kill her. He can;t be bothered to bang her so he’s not going to waste his time killing her.
Cut to Romain who is with Joanna’s mother getting ready for the rehearsal dinner she is going to miss. He calls her and is pissed, understandably, and it just feels like scripted crap. The Bravo crew is not letting them miss their flight. This is stupid. Lea is not trusting Adriana, but Adriana thinks they are friends again. How old are these hags? It’s very high school.
The girls are still driving as Joanna’s sister Marta arrives to the rehearsal dinner. Marta and Romain don’t like each other. Awkward. Maybe they slept together? The girls arrive in San Diego and rush into the hotel to get ready. I’m guessing they were always going to drive. The awkwardness is also between Joanna and Marta and that is sad because they were close.
The rehearsal starts and it is sweet. Romain’s brother is smoking hot. That family has really good genes. The girls are all kissing and being friends, even though the night before they were calling each other whores and bitches. Charming. Alexia and Lisa are missing their husbands. Joanna’s divorced parents are there and I think that is lovely. It’s a sweet moment.
It is odd to me that there is no mention of Marisol. Not a word. Adriana is going to use the rehearsal dinner as an opportunity to apologize to Joanna’s mother for calling out her daughter as a slut. Nice timing. Joanna’s mother is gracious and lovely. Joanna makes sure there is nothing bad going on and the look of love Joanna gives her mother is very touching.
Joanna and Marta have a moment together and it is a shame it is on camera. It should have been private. Marta says she accepts Romain into the family, but she is clearly not really. Weird dynamic and we are not being told the whole story. Cut to Lisa, she got news from Lenny and wants to share it with Lea. She shares they have chosen a surrogate to carry their child.
Lisa is crying and says that Lenny just wants to get it done, but she wants to carry her own baby. It is heartbreaking. I feel for her on a lot of levels. Sad that she is struggling, sad that he is pressuring her, and hopeful that she can move on and enjoy the fact that she will be a mom and the knowledge that all babies are precious, no matter how they come to us.
It’s wedding time and Joanna wakes up on her wedding day in bed with her mom, which made me cry! I slept with my mom the night before my wedding and I treasure that memory. That was worth watching the show for. Lea has invited all the ladies to the spa for a facial. Adriana is the only one to show and now Lea is stuck with her because that is how Bravo wrote it.
Adriana tells Lea tshe now does not believe that Lea told the tabloids about her marriage. She expects Lea to accept her apology and all will go back to normal, but Lea is not having it. She says Adriana is evil to the core and she is over her. Adriana cries, the only housewife with real tears, and Lea is a hardened bitch, which makes me think she feels guilty.
Lea says she does not care if she ever sees her again. Ouch. Blah, blah, blah. Marta and Joanna are having their makeup done and their mom comes and immediately starts crying, which makes me cry too. Why am I crying? It’s the wine! Sidebar: the reunion next week is going to be freaking awesome and the only time these women will actually be honest and open.
Alexia’s son Peter surprises her by coming to the wedding. I feel bad for the struggles she has gone through with her children, however I think it is sad that she shares all their troubles on the show. Not cool if you ask me. Lea’s son has also come for the wedding. Her husband is probably in court getting a killer or rapist off. I am sickened by the cases Roy Black takes on.
The wedding party walks the aisle and they are a beautiful and plastic looking group. Joanna looks stunning. Her hair extensions are perfect, she is crying, and I think the dress is interesting. Romain cries and cannot read the vows he wrote so the minister reads them for him. Cute, but he should have read them himself. Joanna reads hers with no problem. Sweet.
I do not doubt that they love each other, but without sex, she is marrying her brother. God bless them. The reception is lovely and everyone is crying. It’s over. Thank God. Did I miss something about Marisol? I haven’t paid close attention but she was there in the beginning of the season. The best thing about this show will be the reunion where they have to keep it real.