December 5, 2011 | 1:01 am

RHOA: Night of the Douchelord

Posted by Ilana Angel

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This week starts out with Phaedra going to see Kandi at her shop.  She brings a cake as a peace offering for subjecting her Mamma to Ridickulous. Phaedra looks very beautiful, and her cake looks divine.  Phaedra is a Southern belle with a wild streak.  She is a little obsessed with the act of pleasuring herself, but God bless her for owning it.

I find myself quoting Phaedra quite often.  Her latest gem was shared tonight when speaking of Peter she said, “Peter can make a dollar out of fifteen cents.  Peter is a pimp.”  I really love Phaedra.  She can pull the lady card all she wants, but she is a broad and I love that about her.  I also like Apollo and think they have a super cute baby.

Cynthia is going to MC a fashion show and even before she starts I’m worried for her.  She is not particularly articulate so this is somewhat worrisome. Lawrence arrives in his heals and lipstick and he looks beautiful.  Back to Cynthia, she could not have done a worse job and actually said “wunway”.  She is seriously blessed to be so beautiful.

We meet a new couple in Charles and Marlo.  According to Phaedra, remembering she is not one to gossip, NeNe had a thing with Charles.  It took ten minutes for the ladies to start knocking down NeNe.  Poor NeNe.  She is popular and famous, and that bugs the crap out of Sheree.  Luckily Sheree looks good in green.

Cynthia is at her new agency with her sister Mal and her Momma.  We find out that Douchelord #1 is in trouble and short 40K for his new business. This storyline is boring.  Cynthia is passive aggressive, and while a pleasure to look at, brings absolutely nothing to this show. Mal is worried Cynthia will give her Douchelord the money.  Blah. Blah. Blah.

Sheree is at the park with her kids, when the ex shows up.  We are now spending time with Douchelord #2.  Clearly Sheree married for money.  This is not a handsome man.  He looks like an unfortunate version of Mike Tyson. That said, he could be the most handsome man in the world, but since he does not pay child support, he gets ugly fast.

We learn that NFL Bob has not paid child support in 4 years.  She has never taken him to court, and claims she does not want to hurt her kids, but is on national TV airing his dirty laundry. She throws water on Bob and he calls her evil to the core. Sheree may be a bitch, but bitch is better than Douchelord. This man is a pig and should be ashamed of himself.

We now spend time with Kim.  She is not around much because she is shooting her own show, but this chick is a loon.  Maybe it’s the tone of her voice but she does not sound very supportive of her children.  Her daughter is worried and nervous about the new family and Kim could not be more blasé about it.  Kim is an odd bird and I felt bad for Brielle.

NeNe goes to see Peter’s new place and it’s weird because she is more affectionate with him than his wife is.  NeNe is fun and still the star of this show if you ask me.  Phaedra is giving her a run for her money, but Nene is still the Queen Bee of Atlanta.  She agrees to come to the opening of Bar One and act as a co-host with Peter to help them out.

NeNe leaves and Peter and Cynthia are left alone together, which is awkward.  They have no chemistry together and I don’t get what she sees in him.  She lets him know her family is not coming to the opening and he lets her know he does not care.  She really needs to dump his sorry old ass because he is a sinking ship.

Sheree goes to see Phaedra for legal advice since her Douchelord has not paid child support in 4 years. Sheree gets emotional which is shocking because it’s the first time we’ve ever seen that from her.  She cries at the thought of putting her ex in jail for failure to pay support.  Phaedra offers to help for free and Sheree says she will think about it.

She does not want to make rash decisions, so she needs to think it over. Really?  Four years with no money and she needs to think about it?  We see that Sheree is sweet and deep down just a girl who is hoping for a miracle, not the hard ass she has wanted to think she is.  I feel bad for her and bad for Bob.  How did he blow this so bad?

Kandi goes to see her Mom and she is still pissed off about Ridickulous.  If she freaked out this bad over a stripper, how will she feel about Kandi’s dildo company?  I hope they us that conversation! I feel for her mom, love her new hair and think she needs to get the hell over it.  Not a bog deal Momma Joyce.  It’s over and you need to move on.  It was sad when Kandi cried.

We’re off to the opening party of Bar One and it’s weird because people are there, all dressed up, and furniture is being moved around.  Why are they still under construction DURING the party?  It’s tacky.  The funny thing is that the air conditioner is not working and people are melting in the hot Atlanta summer. Makeup is running and hair is drooping.

We learn the bar is located in the hood and Phaedra lets us know that it will be successful because “people in the hood need to drink too.” Peter tells Cynthia he got 40K on his own, he is gangster, and she needs to trust him. Trust?  Is he high? I can just imagine how he got it in less than a week. It makes no sense , and I imagine it’s shady.

Cynthia is either really naïve or really, really stupid.  Meanwhile Nene has still not arrived and the party is almost over.  The gossip is that she does not want to run into Charles, and while it’s just here say, Kandi jumps right in, as does Sheree, and tries to make it into something it is not.  These poor women will do anything for some camera time.

I watch all the housewife shows, including the mistakes that were Miami and DC, but these chicks are my favorites.  They are real women, with real issues, and they don’t hold back.  They are fun, and while I think I might be scared of a couple of them, I’d love to have lunch with them all. They may not be typical women of Atlanta, but they are entertaining, and keeping it real.

November 30, 2011 | 11:49 pm

Jews & Blacks on Reality Television

Posted by Ilana Angel

I love reality television.  By love of course I mean I am addicted to it.  Even though most of it is useless, I cannot stop watching.  Reality television is like drugs.  You try it once at a party, and before you know it you are in front of the television watching a Kardashian rerun over any other offering.  I’m not a drug user, but I’m guessing it’s more like crystal meth than a joint.

I wrote this week about The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  I got many angry emails based on the following statement:  These ladies live a life that I like to watch because I am unfamiliar with it.  The southern and African American aspects are new to me, but the best thing about these women is that unlike any other city in the franchise, they will not pretend to be friends when they are not.

People were mad I thought the ladies of Atlanta were a true representation of African American women.  Really?  I don’t think, nor did I say, that Sheree is like all Black women from the South.  I learned about a prayer shawl and that is Southern.  I saw an elaborate funeral with a band and a horse and carriage, and that is African American.

I learned about weaves and wigs, but that was from Kim so that lesson does not apply.  I understand the frustration from the African American community that these women are not representative of who and what they are.  If anyone can understand, it’s the Jews.  We’ve got Patti Stanger spewing her crap fest and everything thinks she is what Jewish women are like.

The Jews of reality television are never cool.  They are either weird, nerdy, obnoxious, and always stereotyped.  Or, they are fun and great, until they do something people don’t like, then they are attacked and everything is blamed on them being Jewish.  Reality TV has not been kind to Jews or Blacks.  We need a new reality show that properly depicts how fabulous we all are.

I think 6 women, 2 Jews, 2 Blacks, and 2 Latinas would be great.  Educated and normal women who are not fame whores, but just cool chicks who want us to see into their cool lives.  I’m trying to think what city would work and I’m not sure. The Real Housewives of Los Angeles makes the most sense but with Beverly Hills and Orange County already out there, we need to head east.

RHOA does not show the world what it means to be a Black woman, just like Patti Stanger is not someone the Jews are proud of. I can’t comment on the Latinas of reality TV because there aren’t any.  The only real thing about reality TV is our addiction. If these shows are what people base their opinions of Jews and Blacks are then God help us because Bravo is not keeping it real.

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November 29, 2011 | 1:44 am

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills RECAP

Posted by Ilana Angel

Remember when the housewives were fun?  Remember when they laughed at themselves, were silly, and gave us a peek into their lives, and it was a life we could see for ourselves?  Me too.  Those days are gone and this week on RHOBH it became very clear that those days are never coming back.

We start off with Lisa and Pandora picking out the final wedding invitation. Last week Lisa tweeted that she did not pick the boxed invite, but then we saw that she did.  Granted it was smaller than the original one we saw, but it’s still pretentions and with postage over $150 a piece, which is gross.

Lisa is truly beautiful and has a killer body, so I don’t understand whey she feels the need to wear clothes that are so tight, and shoes that are so high. She would walk better if she went one size bigger on the clothes and one inch shorter on the shoes. She’s simply too old for her current look.

On to Adrienne, she is designing her own shoe line and I use the word designing very loosely.  She pulls out her favorite designer shoes, and tells her team to copy it.  Fascinating really that she went with this approach with the cameras rolling.  Not the way I would have gone, but that’s just me.

Sidebar:  Adrienne is sweet girl, but she has a level of immaturity that I don’t really understand.  From her clothing choices, to her designing practices, to how she handles her friendships, is all a little young for me. Plus, forgive me but it must be said, side ponytails are simply not cute.

The next scene is so wrong I can’t wrap my head around it.  They show Russell and Taylor in therapy.  I’m not going to comment as it is inappropriate, but I will say that I think it is disgusting, rude to his children, and a sell out for Bravo to show it.  I also think Taylor is a liar.

I was not there, and do not know these people, but I do not think Taylor was physically abused by her husband.  I think they were both emotionally abused by each other, and I think he took his own life because he knew she was going to destroy him and his reputation.  Just my take.

Back at Lisa’s, they are sampling dinner for the wedding.  Pandora does not want housewives drama, the wedding planner is divine, Lisa tries to eat cotton candy like Taylor, but misses the grossness of it, and the caterer is whoring out his company on every surface in the kitchen.

Kyle and Brandi go out for a manicure, just the two of them, since Taylor bailed.  I don’t trust Kyle.  She is back peddling on her bad behavior but who cares? Deeo down she is insincere and not a good friend to anyone other than her sister, and even then not so much.

Brandi talks about her divorce, and then tells Kyle she wants to plan a party for the girls with a porn star come and teach the ladies to orally pleasure their partners. Dear Lord are they for real?  Who does that?  The skank level is very high in both BH and ATL this week.

Adrienne is having a fashion show and party as her house for her new imitation show line.  She is talking to the party planner and is it just me or is Adrienne wearing Mom jeans?  They are high and wide, and like all of her wardrobe, out of date by a couple of decades.  Such a shame.

Adrienne is getting ready and we find out she has a stylist.  Really?  He better start clarifying that he only works with her for parties, because if he is putting out her day clothes, he will never get another client.  Adrienne clearly is a member of the Kardashian Too Much Makeup Club.

Taylor is in the car with Russell and again I am skipping over it. It is wrong on so many levels that he is on this show, while Taylor tries to ruin his reputation.  I know it’s been said before, but does Bravo not feel any moral obligation to his children?  Clearly they are of no concern to them.

Sidebar:  Taylor’s dress is perfect, Kyle’s dress is embarrassing.  Lisa’s dress is too small.  Brandi’s dress is fine.  Camille’s dress is divine.  Kim is a no show. Dana is non-existent and clearly has no real place on this show.  She seems fun but it’s just not translating to the screen.

Lisa arrives and within a minute of walking through the front door, Adrienne pulls her aside and tells her she is pissed off that the bachelorette party for Pandora is at Planet Hollywood not The Palms.  I am finding it hard to deal with Adrienne.  She is a baby and needs to grow up.

Camille is my current favorite Beverly Hills housewife. That means nothing really since liking this show is bound to make you crazy and indecisive.  I change my mind each week with who I like but for a while Camille has been on top and Klye Has been on the bottom. 

The fashion show stars and Adrienne stumbles through her speech.  It was as if she did not know what the organization she was supporting did.  The fashion show happens, but Adrienne’s shoes are hidden under the gowns and the show is an epic fail if you ask me.  Where are the shoes?

I watched the entire hour waiting to be entertained, but nothing.  Then, just as I’m about to shut off the TV, there is the preview for next week and we see that Taylor is going to be drunk.  That my friends will be worth the price of admission.  Sadly, we all know that will be good.

I can honestly recall when I used to watch these shows and think the women were great.  Now I just think they are pathetic, with a smidge of entertaining thrown in on rare occasions.  At the end of the day they are a train wreck and nothing about this show is keeping it real.

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November 28, 2011 | 10:16 am

Real Housewives of Atlanta - Ridiculous!

Posted by Ilana Angel

This show is the most interesting of the housewives.  These ladies live a life that I like to watch because I am unfamiliar with it.  The southern and African American aspects are new to me, but the best thing about these women is that unlike any other city in the franchise, they will not pretend to be friends when they are not.

I really love these women and think Phaedra and NeNe are two of the best things to ever happen to reality television.  That said, this week was painful.  It crossed a lot of lines for me I found myself questioning if I really wanted to invest my time in watching it.  Of course I’m not going to stop, but come on Bravo.  This was a disgusting show.

We start with Phaedra going to visit Kim.  I must question my own sanity when I tell you that Kim is becoming the most appealing woman on this show. How did that happen?  Bravo is clearly editing her in a way that will make us like her more so we will watch her new spinoff.  It’s working.  I will watch her show and I think I’ll actually like it. Who knew?

Kim calls out Phaedra for the fight at the baby shower and says that Peter, at 65, is too old to be fighting at a party.  Hilarious.  Meanwhile, Peter is meeting with Mal to work out their issues from the wedding.  The exchange was stupid and both were ridiculous.  Mal tells Peter that Cynthia wanted to kill herself before the wedding.  So lame.

I understand Peter’s position about Mal trying to hide the marriage certificate.  We all saw her shenanigans, and I get it’s her sister and she was worried, but she crossed a line.  Mal made a mistake and Peter is angry, but Cynthia is week and needs to stop being such a wimp.  These three are a mess and that they allow us to see their dysfunction is odd.

After this many years on television, would you not be careful in what dirty laundry you show the world?  This is not the smartest group of ladies.  Over with Kandi, she is planning her 35th birthday party. She is with Sheree and Phaedra and between the three of then I sometimes can’t tell if they have strong accents or simply do not know how to speak English.

Phaedra Parks needs her own show.  She cracks me up and I look forward to her scenes because I know she will say something entertaining. I feel the same way about NeNe.  Poor NeNe.  She is getting blamed for everything and it’s too bad.  I like her and think she is getting a raw deal from the ladies.  She is sweet and I think she should not trust Kandi.

NeNe and Kandi are shopping for shoes with Derek the hairdresser is wearing the highest heels I’ve ever seen a man wear.  I have never seen so many men in heels as I’ve seen in Atlanta. God bless them for owning it and strutting their stuff.  NeNe is going to go to Kandi’s party and she will simply stay away from the people she does not like.

Kim and Kroy are meeting with a nurse to discuss circumcision.  Kim says she is worried because her son’s penis is his future.  Love it.  Kroy is changing a diaper on the fake baby and it’s very sweet.  I really like Kroy and I am happy for Kim.  I’m not placing any bets on how long it will last, but I’m pulling for them and think this might be the real thing.

NeNe goes to visit Cynthia and I’m glad they are still friends.  I think it’s an authentic friendship and that’s great.  Peter is on the phone and we hear his investor’s check has bounced and he is $40k in the hole with his new business.  Peter is, for lack of a better word, a loser.  Why she married him when there were so many red flags is unclear.

We hear from NeNe that she slept with Gregg and it was great.  I want them to be together and so I hope it works out.  I don’t know where they are at now, or if they are together, but I hope so.  Peter is talking to NeNe about how he wanted his wedding day to be perfect and blames Mal for ruining it. Maybe it was his hiding his financial troubles that ruined it?

Sheree takes Phaedra to see the construction on her Chateau.  Phaedra seems to have an obsession with butts, and not just hers.  For someone who talks about etiquette and manners, she sure is quick to jump to the ass talk. The chateau is coming along slowly and Phaedra lets the contractor know she is watching, and ready for court if he does not hurry up.

Mal and her husband are at Cynthia’s new agency.  He’s gorgeous and Mal is still sulking.  Cynthia throws her sister and her marriage under the bus and it’s sad.  Cynthia is a moron and her sister needs to realize she cannot help her.  They remind me of the two sisters in The Bodyguard and Cynthia is Whitney Houston.  These two are a mess, but I’m with Mal.

It’s time for Kandi’s party, but not before we once again have to listen to Kim pee.  That is getting old already. Kandi is getting ready and her hair and makeup look horrible. Phaedra shows up, with her taser, and the party is on. Cynthia looks gorgeous then Laurence shows up and it’s over.  He is the prettiest one there.  These men in partial drag are fabulous.

NeNe shows up and the room divides.  Sheree says she does not care NeNe is there but she cannot take her eyes off of her.  Sheree is talking about how she is a grown up, but she is annoyed and you can tell.  Phaedra calls the two groups Crips and Bloods, which is funny.  Kandi says she does not like being in the middle, which is funny since she causes so much drama.

Phaedra gives Kandi a stripper for her birthday and this man is beyond description.  He is very well endowed and has the ability to pleasure himself due to his rather insane gift.  If was nasty, inappropriate in front of Kandi’s mom, and a truly ridiculous move on Phaedra’s part.  However, having him there and watching NeNe’s face was worth it.

I would have died if he was brought to a party I was throwing.  Seriously bad move.  I have no interest in seeing this man’s special gifts and Phaedra, the southern belle, should be ashamed of herself.  Kandi’s mom is pissed off and she storms out of the party.  I felt bad for Kandi that she is being cussed out by her mom, but still, I felt bad for Momma Joyce.

This week was a waste of my time and I could have done without it.  Next week looks like it will be interesting, if interesting means watching people’s lives fall apart.  I like these women but they are not fun anymore. They are mean and nasty to each other and don’t seem to realize we are watching, and they do not look good.  I’m again sad for all of their kids.

The money and fame of reality stardom is enticing, but these women are mothers and that this is what they put out there for their kids to see is mind boggling to me.  Can Phaedra be mad when her son becomes a stripper? What about Cynthia when her daughter wants to marry an old man? Time for a reality check so these ladies can start keeping it real.

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November 27, 2011 | 10:55 pm

Blogging Needs Decency and Regulations

Posted by Ilana Angel

It has been an interesting week in the blogosphere.  I am reeling from what has been written both on my blog and on Twitter.  The level of hate and bad behavior that has been caused is quite remarkable.  I never would have imagined that I would be faced with such hate.

As a Jewish writer, who writes on a Jewish based website, I have been personally attacked many times.  Religion is a dangerous thing to write about as people are committed to their convictions.  I am one who believes in faith, and so it is difficult for me when my beliefs are questioned.

In times of trouble I lean on faith. In 45 years of a full and blessed life, God has not asked me to deal with anything I could not manage. I have a relationship with God and he guides me through the challenges of life. Well not guide really, but gently pushes me along the path.

It’s usually the right path, but there have been times in my life when I have gone the wrong way and he still pushed me, which is comforting because even though I knew I may be making a mistake, he is with me, watching my back, and there to catch me should I fall, and I have fallen.

Writing Keeping the Faith is something I enjoy and am very proud of. It is my take on the world, and sharing my opinions has been fun, scary, enlightening, educational, and at the end of the day, my truth.  My child will be able to look back at these posts and really know me.

I love my child more than I can explain, or even understand.  My entire heart is wrapped around this remarkable human being.  He is what makes my soul sing.  I am able to see God because of him, and I am sure that is how most loving and caring mothers think about their children.

I always wanted to be a mother. It was my childhood dream and there was a time in my life when I thought it would never happen for me.  I was the victim of a violent crime and I truly thought my life would not include motherhood.  That I am able to be a mother is a miracle.

I have survived many things in my life and am stronger and wiser because of the challenges God has asked me to overcome.  I never would have thought in a million years that the one thing that might break my spirit would be a bunch of mean spirited and hate hurling women on the Internet.

Keeping it Real is a blog about television.  It’s a fun, snarky, sarcastic and entertaining look at a medium that I love.  TV is fun to watch, and fun to write about, especially reality television. This week however, it stopped being fun and came dark, nasty, scary and dangerous.

I wrote an expose of sorts on a woman that I feel is crossing the line in terms of reality television blogging.  She is mean and hurtful and there are many, many documented cases of her attacking and hurting people in a way that they have not been able to recover from.  I had enough.

Maybe it’s because I work at a faith based publication, or maybe because I reference faith and God, but people came to me for help.  I listened and tried to be supportive as a decent human being, but they needed more from me.  These people needed someone to be their voice.

It was with a little hesitation, but belief in doing the right thing, that I wrote the blog.  I wanted to help.  This is not about a few crazy women with too much time on their hands.  This is a network of hate that needs to be stopped.  Why are there no rules and regulations for us?

How is it that a woman writing in her basement can randomly select lives to ruin, and have no accountability?  My blogs were not intended to hurt, but to help.  When given the choice to stand up for the right thing, or be quiet, I chose the only option if I wanted to be true to my faith.

The Talmud tells us “Whoever saves one life saves the world.”  If I did not try to help women who reached out, how could I explain to God that I turned a blind eye?  We also say, “If I am not for myself who will be for me? Yet, if I am for myself only, what am I? And if not now, when?

I am a blogger.  This is my job and so I want to stand up for myself and my work, in addition to needing to stand up for those who can’t do it for themselves, and it must be now because now is when things are bad.  This is my life that is being attacked.  My work, my family, my livelihood.

My child has done nothing, yet he is being attacked.  I have no criminal record, yet it being said that I do.  My employer has supported my voice being heard, and they are being attacked for my blog.  It’s not okay with me, and while I cannot fight battles for eveyone, I can fight my own.

I am not going to go away or shut up when it comes to these women, and until they are held accountable for ruining the reputation of what I do for a living, and what other women do for work and for fun, I am not going to be quiet.  Eventually somebody who can help will listen.

I panicked for a minute, but that has passed.  I’m not afraid of bullies, threats, or lawsuits.  I am afraid of a world where people can hide behind a computer screen and attack innocent people, and nobody helps the victims.  If I can help, just a little, for just one person, I will.

It’s time for decency.  We all have opinions and should be able to share them without fear.  I take responsibility for my part and apologize for any harm I have caused.  I imagine this will get worse before it gets better, but know that I am in it now and my goal remains the same.  Peace.

This is a blog about television and so it’s odd that I would be writing about faith, but I did not know how to address the situation without bringing faith into it as that is how I deal with struggles in my life.  It’s just television and for it to get this ugly is shocking and wrong on a lot of levels.

I am here to listen and if it means I am to be advocate, then I will do the best I can because there must be rules, regulations and repercussions.  At the end of the day this is upsetting, exhausting and unfortunate, but it is happening and so I keeping the faith so I can keep it real.

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November 22, 2011 | 2:09 am

Dancing With The Stars - UPDATED

Posted by Ilana Angel

The finals are finally here and let me just say that it feels like this season has been on forever.  It’s been fun though and I am happy Ricki and JR are in the finals.  If Rob Kardashian, who I actually think is quite sweet, wins this show I will lose my faith in humanity.  I get that he has worked hard, but a Kardashian simply cannot take home the coveted trophy.

Ricki danced first and pulled the poor fat me card which was lame.  She looks great and needs to let it go. What I didn’t know about Ricki is that she is a talk show actor and a host.  This information was provided courtesy of Brooke Burke Charvet, who may be the dumbest woman on television.  I believe Ricki is an actor and a talk show host.  You’re welcome Brooke.

Rob dances next and it’s just okay.  The Kardashian family is cheering him on, including his porn star sister Kim.  That she was able to put aside her divorce drama to support her little brother is sweet.  By sweet of course I mean I could care less about this family and that they are famous at all is troubling.  I have signed the end the Kardashians on TV petition.

JR is next and his dance is just okay, but he is terrific.  I just like him so much and Karina is insane.  Her body is perfection and I like watching them dance.  He came in third in the first round but I’m not counting him out just yet.  He is a better dancer than Rob and so I am putting my faith in humanity that JR is not ranked below a Kardashian.

Ricki’s freestyle was good, but not great for me.  Her costume was nice, and I must say I laughed out loud when Derek told her to shut her face in the video package, but I want something modern and fresh, but this was more classic and old fashioned.  It was good, and she could totally win, but the freestyle should be the most exciting dance and this was not.

Rob was up next and his freestyle was slow moving to start and I was bored.  It picked up but I was not interested.  The song choice was not a winner for me and if the freestyle is what makes a champion, then this lost it for him.  Cheryl’s final dance with Drew Lachey was perfection, and this was just okay.  I don’t get why the judges loved it so much. A perfect 30? Really?

JR goes last and I loved his dance.  It was fun and fast, which was great, and also had complicated lifts and was very different from the regular dances of the season.  He also scored a perfect 30 from the judges and was in my opinion, the winner of the freestyle dance.  I want him to win and really hope he kills it tomorrow and comes out the overall winner.

All three of the finalists have a shot at the championship and at this point it’s just as much of a popularity contest than a dance competition.  I voted for JR to win and I hope he does.  He was entertaining and fun all season and if you look at an overall performance, he has deserved it.  We’ll see what happens tonight. No Kardashian America!  Keep it Real!

And the winner is….... JR Martinez.  THANK GOD!  I wanted him to win from the beginning and I voted for him a lot.  I would have been surprised if Rob Kardashian had won.  By surprised of course I mean grossed out.  Someone tweeted that Rob was on Dancing With The Stars longer than Kim was married, which is hilarious.  JR deserved the win and I’m happy for him.  It’s also nice for Karina who has been there from the beginning and never won.  Ricki Lake came in 3rd place which is great, although I thought she would beat out Rob.  It was a great season and I enjoyed it.  From the very first dance weeks ago, to the show ending with Brooke speaking with her mouth full of confetti, it was fun.  I’d like to see Teresa Guidice dancing.  Or any housewife really.  If they pick another Kardashian I will be annoyed.  Until next season, thanks to Tom Bergeron for being fabulous and always keeping it real.

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November 22, 2011 | 12:06 am

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills:  The Recap

Posted by Ilana Angel

This show gets harder to watch each week.  By harder of course I mean with each week there is less to like about any of these women.  They are a disgusting group and I am embarrassed for them, since clearly they have no shame.  I find them all repulsive but Taylor takes the cake.

This week starts with the end of Lisa’s tea party, and Camille putting Taylor’s abuse out in the open.  I don’tI buy Taylor’s broken jaw story and when Camille sold her out she didn’t even bat an eyelash.  She seemed to be caught in a lie more than anything else.

Camille leaves, Taylor fake cries then makes up with Lisa in a painfully awkward way.  Taylor is in need of some serious medication and some acting lessons because her fake crying is laughable.  Lisa is sucked into the game, while Kyle is ready to stir the pot at any given moment.

We see Kim moving in with Ken and it’s creepy.  They seem nervous together and while I want to be happy for her, these two are using together and so any remote chance that I could be on their side is gone.  These two need to be on Celebrity Rehab not the Housewives.  Not a cute pair.

Over at Kyle’s, she is “making” grapes.  Really?  Who makes grapes?  Her pal Faye comes over and I’m surprised by how much she looks like a monkey.  She claims to be an abuse specialist and it’s stupid.  Kyle is a gossip and a drama queen and she is desperate to be relevant.

Lisa’s daughter is going to Vegas for her bachelorette party and it is going to be at The Hard Rock Casino.  Adrienne is going to be pissed about that.  Meanwhile Camille is having lunch with Kyle and Adrienne. Adrienne sticks her tongue out when she drinks and it’s disgusting.

I like Camille very much this season. I think Adrienne is a spoiled brat in desperate need of a makeover, and Kyle is a busybody who has a boring life and is in desperate need of fame.  Kyle, much like the last bachelorette Ashley, is always picking her teeth with her tongue.

It’s time for Kennedy’s 5th birthday party.  This child never seems to be happy which is sad.  That Taylor is putting on this fake and pretentious party for her child is disgusting.  She is a fame whore who married for money and cares about nothing but how fabulous her life looks.

The party is ridiculous and a kid does not care about all this crap.  Give them some candy, a cake, a couple of friends and some bubbles and they are good to go.  This was for the cameras and I’m ashamed for her.  Another ridiculous thing about this party was Dana.  She can go.

Can someone, anyone, explain to me why Taylor does not wear a bra? Ace Young from American Idol, a million years ago, is there and he is apparently hammered.  He cannot sing, needs to wash his hair, and is flirting with Taylor. Taylor is a skank, and by skank of course I mean whore.

Lisa is planning Pandora’s wedding and once again in a dress that is too small.  They are choosing invitations and the one they love is ugly.  Wedding planner Kevin Lee is back and he is fabulous.  Lisa is planning the party as if it’s for her and try as she might to seem real, she is fake.

Watching Russell at the birthday party is sad.  We will never know what really happened in their marriage, and we certainly can’t trust Taylor’s side of the story, but I cannot look at this show and not blame her.  I truly believe her appearance on this show is what did him in.

Brandi shows up to the party and it’s awkward.  I like her but this show was a mistake for her, and they don’t take her seriously, but if one of the new chicks is going to come back, let it be Brandi.  She is fun and Dana is forgettable.  If given a chance, Brandi could be great.

Taylor is bitching about Camille to Kyle and Kyle is listening intently so she can then gossip about it later.  Taylor is crazy.  She says she never should have shared personal information with Camille, but the fact is she shared it with all the ladies and with us.  This is her fault.

Adrienne arrives in a shirt that looks like she made it herself.  As we predicted, she is pissed off that Lisa is planning the bachelorette party at planet Hollywood not The Palms.  Who cares?  Kyle is worried about all the infighting in the group.  Right.  She’s happy as can be.

Kim is talking about her Disney life, again, when Brandi goes over to say hi.  The music is hilarious.  It’s a gunfight at the saloon and I can’t stop laughing.  Brandi tries to make peace but Kim is a bitch.  She’s still mad at Brandi for putting her drug addiction out on the table.

Sidebar:  I wonder if an addiction to crystal meth can cause you to mistake the sound of a horse for the sound of a cat.  Kim is an Arabian horse who meows.  I love Kim and she is entertaining as hell but this poor girl needs to get some help.  I feel sad for her and wish her well.

That this show continues to paint Russell as a monster is pathetic.  For Dana to bash Russell is sad since she told me they were friends.  I worry for Kennedy that she will grow up and see her mother ruined the reputation of her father. She might hate her mom when she grows up.

Ace sings for Kennedy and it’s a crap fest.  He sounded horrible and the song was stupid.  Are they kidding?  Ace is wasted and cannot hold a note.  Kennedy could care less about this mess her mother has put on for her.  Then Taylor and Russell give Kennedy a horse for a present.

Sidebar: Ellen Barkin on Watch what happens Live was perfection and I freaking love her.  She is a real Real Housewife of New York city and those trolls could learn something from her.  By troll of course I mean Ramona.  Rock on Ellen.  You can follow her @ellenbarkin and me @ilanaangel.

Dear Lord.  I want to scream. The only thing crazier than Taylor talking about her life is listening to Kyle talk about Taylor’s life. Other than Camille, I don’t like any of the women this year.  This show is a clusterf*%$ and I hate that I watch it.  Nobody is keeping it real.

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November 20, 2011 | 10:12 pm

Real Housewives of Atlanta:  Kandi is Not So Sweet

Posted by Ilana Angel

We start off this week with Sheree and her new house.  How in the world does this woman have enough money to build a “chateau” in a fancy shmancy neighborhood?  Furthermore, how drunk does she think we all are that we believe she was born anywhere near 1975?  She is a loon, and focusing on the “necessities” only, like a library, ballroom, massage room and theater. Dear Lord this woman is too much.

Over at Phaedra’s, she went from being pregnant and certain she would whoop her child, to being so desperately in love with her baby that she can’t bear to hear him cry.  She is super cute with her son, who I must say is absolutely delicious.  That is one beautiful baby.  Meanwhile Apollo is now the strict one with the baby.  He is also getting into a little trouble, which is a shame and shouldn’t be a big deal.

He was stopped because the cops thought he was someone else, but in the end he has a criminal past and so every time something routine happens, it’s blown out of proportion.  I feel bad for him because he is trying to live a life that society does not think he deserves to be living, and that is a lot of pressure.  I do not know what his issues from the past are, but they are weighing heavy on him and his marriage.

Over at Cynthia’s house, she is having dinner with her daughter, her impossibly handsome baby daddy Leon, and her really creepy husband Peter. We find out that Peter is going to open another bar.  He tells us he is good at it, but we already know he sucks at it, so whatever.  There is still friction between Cynthia’s mom, sister and Peter, but he could care less.  There is something very unsettling about Peter.

Kim is having lunch with Sheree and lets us know that other than their fight in the street when Sheree tried to pull off her wig, they are tight and have been for a decade.  Whatever.  Kim is only friendly with Sheree because she does not have a friendship with NeNe.  Kim is talking about her new house and Sheree is clearly jealous.  I don’t get these two chicks or their convenient and forced friendship.

NeNe is getting her son ready to go to his dad’s for the weekend.  Her son is very sweet and I wanted to hug him.  I really like NeNe and even though there is a backlash against her, I still like her and she is my favorite Atlanta housewife.  It was sad to watch her stand on the front porch and see her son leave.  I find myself wanting to hug NeNe too.  I hope she comes out of this happy, healthy and whole.

Phaedra and Kandi are shopping for a baby shower gift for and Kandi once again is a passive aggressive gossip.  She tries to make us think she does not want to get involved, or care about other people’s business, but she is all up in their crap like her life depends on it.  Kandi is a gossip and totally fake. She went from the classy one, to the trashy one and I don’t care for her too much.  She smiles while she stabs you in the back.

It’s the day of Kim’s baby shower, and she has invited 130 of her closest friends to celebrate with her and Kroy, who by the way is truly fabulous with Kim’s daughter’s.  It’s very cute to see and again let me say that is one yummy little dog.  The shower is over the top and pretentious, even for Kim. Before I go on, let’s just take a moment to say that the yellow tri-color stands of her wig are beyond ugly.  Seriously ugly.

Kandi shows up at the shower and we hear she has not spoken to Kim for her entire pregnancy.  Not surprising since we know Kandi is not really a good friend.  Phaedra points out Kim was very judgmental of her shower, yet went even more pretentious for herself.  Meow.  Poor Phaedra has to listen to Kim’s dad pitch himself for a job and God love her, Phaedra has perfect manners.  I freaking love this chick.

Kandi is stirring the pot, again with Sheree by talking about Cynthia.  We hear that Poppa Smurf Peter gave an interview and trashed all the ladies. Cynthia and Peter arrive for the last 20 minutes, didn’t bring a gift and you know things are going to get ugly. I like the ugly stuff with these chicks. Phaedra and Sheree are calling Peter out on all the crap he said in the interview and Peter is not backing apologizing.

Apollo is pissed off that Peter disrespected his wife and is clearly annoyed, then Peter brings up the incident with Apollo and the police and it is on. Peter is being a total ass and poor Apollo is trying hard to stay in control, and it’s sad.  I feel bad for Apollo and think Peter is a schmuck.  Cynthia is clearly embarrassed and the cops are now in the room.  Apollo was great and I loved him tonight.  Peter, not so much.

The promos for this week were much more entertaining than the actual show, but it was still good.  A party is never the same without Nene and it’s sad that Kim did not invite her.  I don’t get how she is friends with Sheree and not NeNe.  They will make up eventually and NeNe will have been left out.  I like these girls but how they treat each other is sad and immature. They need to grow up and start keeping it real.

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