October 11, 2011 | 9:22 am

Real Housewives of New Jersey: Finale is Slow but Reunion Will Explode

Posted by Ilana Angel

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No big bombshells on the final hour with the girls from New Jersey. With all the trash talk going on with twitter, I figured it would be mellow in anticipation of the reunion next week.  The housewife formula is working less and less, yet new women are lining up to be a part of a show that has a 50/50 chance of breaking up your marriage or showing your financial ruin to the world.  I don’t get it, but I’m watching, so God Bless them all.

We start off with Teresa and Melissa prepping for a family portrait with all the kids.  Tensions are high as everyone gets ready, but they are all hopeful it can be done.  Over at Jacqueline’s, Jaime, brother of Chris, is invited over to talk to Ashley.  He’s fun so I’m not sure if it’s an introduction to his being a part of next season, or just someone to fill time in a slow moving finale.  In his talking to Ashley, we discover that she has gotten tattoos.

Sidebar:  Ashley has officially changed her name to Ashlee.  Totally lame. She has a “swallow” on her forearm, which is hideous.  It’s not dainty and pretty, but rather sailor-ish and not cute.  She also has a feather on her foot, with a bird for each of her brothers.  When you show your tattoo to someone and start with “it’s supposed to be”, then chances are the tattoo sucks.  It’s ugly and looks like an inkblot on her foot that needs washing.

Ashley is explaining that she is going to move to LA and get a job.  Jaime is asking her how the move will work and she starts crying and walks out.  This kid is a mess and having met her, she is also really sweet, but the pressure of the world watching is killing this kid.  Jacqueline is harsh with her, and Chris is way too lenient.  This kid is a screw up and a lot of the blame falls to Jac and Chris who are divided and messing her up.  It’s boring.

Over with Caroline, she is on the radio show and while I like her a lot, I don’t really get it.  How is she qualified to give advice to people and why would anyone care?  She is telling the mother of a disabled child how to motivate her kid and I think it’s weird.  Christopher and Lauren stop by to surprise her.  By surprise of course I mean get some airtime.  Give the Manzo’s their own show and get these kids off of the housewives already.

Kathy is getting her daughter Victoria ready for prom and I freaking love her.  Kathy and her family are fabulous.  I love how she loves her kids, and I think she and Rich have done a great job raising them.  I hope the show does not ruin their lives.  Rich is talking to Victoria’s date Paulie and it’s hilarious.  He is making the poor kid nervous and it’s entertaining. This is a very sweet couple and has been a touch of sunshine in a gloomy season.

It’s picture day and Teresa makes me sad.  She is painfully aware of the cameras.  It’s a shame really. Joe and Melissa arrive and let me just say that I LOVE Melissa and Joe Gorga.  Joe is a doll and I want good things for him.  Listening to him talk about his dad is brutal.  The troubles in this family are crushing and one can’t help but point a finger at Juicy.  We don’t know what happened to get them to this point, but blaming Juicy seems okay.

Teresa and Melissa are getting the baby ready and Teresa is sucking up, which is lame, and poor Melissa is trying to believe but she is guarded and it’s hard.  Teresa does everything for the camera and it’s stupid.  The baby wants to be with Melissa not her mom, and it’s sweet but sad.  We are watching the crumbling of a family, which is uncomfortable but fascinating. The pictures are taken and look truly fabulous.  It’s a nice memory for them.

Kathy taking pictures with Victoria made me cry, and Richie telling Kathy she did a good job raising their kids, made me cry too.  I love how Kathy talks about her kids and when she said she would celebrate opening a can of tuna, if it meant being with the kids, I cried.  Again.  Kathy is a good egg and I love her.  Let’s hope that next season we get some more Kathy and some Rosie too.  Rosie should, be the new non-housewife, housewife.

At minute 42 we finally get to the cookbook.  Teresa has decided to trash all the other housewives in her book, then backtracks and says it was a joke. Right.  I feel bad for Teresa that she is married to a drunk ape, but instead of taking the high road and enjoying her success, she is crawling through the gutter.  She slams Caroline’s cooking and heritage, then slams Kathy, without naming any names, and does not acknowledge her in any way.

She also says that Melissa copies everything she does.  She keeps pushing Melissa up against a wall and it’s not fair.  She tells the camera that the book is a huge success, then 2 seconds later she talks to her publicist and asks why it’s not doing well.  The truth is the book tanked and Teresa is falling from grace very quickly.  I’m guessing the reunion will finally seal her fate and we’ll be done with her.  Hopefully so will Bravo.

Jacqueline goes to Teresa and she is putting make-up on and whining about her life and claims that her bad complexion is because of Ashley.  It’s sad to see her give up on her kid.  I get it’s hard, but she is unwilling to take any responsibility for her role in Ashley’s life.  Ashley is a lost kid well on her way to screwing up her life, and Jac is responsible for part of it.  ‘When Ashley watches and hears her mom talking about her, it must really hurt.

Cookbook-Gate begins and everyone is talking about Teresa’s book and how she bashes everyone in it.  All the ladies are pissed off, but Teresa is insisting that it was a joke and all in good fun.  Sidebar:  Teresa’s hairline starts in the middle of her forehead, which I find very distracting. Very distracting.  The season ends with Teresa defending her book, and everyone else talking about how she crossed the line and is not funny.

The only part of this episode that was interesting was Kathy and Richie with Victoria for her prom.  Everything else was simply a teaser for next week’s reunion, which will be killer!  The teasers look like we will get some clarity on all the tweets that have been sent back and forth lately.  These women are falling apart and it’s sad.  I mean it’s sad if it’s real, but it’s not it is scripted reality televisions and they knew what they were getting into.

Teresa tweeted that her Lucille Ball quote was from two years ago, and they put it in now.  It’s all a bunch of crap, but I love it.  On What Happens Live with Andy, Melissa and Joe Gorga were guests and I seriously like them.  I think they are entertaining and fun.  Whether on the show, or live with Andy, they are good television and when RHONJ is cancelled, and it will be eventually, they should get their own show.  Kathy can be on it too.

The reunion looks like it will be fabulous, it’s just a shame that Jacqueline did not go.  Maybe she will turn up part way?  It seems to me there must be some kind of contractual obligation for her to go, and if she was willing to do a reunion with Danielle, then certainly sitting with Teresa wouldn‘t be any harder.  I’m guessing she turns up, people cry, punches are thrown, Jesus is thanked, and Andy struggles to have control and keep it real.

October 5, 2011 | 11:49 pm

Bethenny Frankel: Drowning in Lies While “Lost” at Sea

Posted by Ilana Angel

I used to think Bethenny Frankel was funny.  She was obnoxious and over the top, but had enough truly funny moments on the first season of the Real Housewives of New York that I was able to overlook the annoying parts of her.  Over the past three years however, I have lost respect for her.

Lost respect may not be the right term, as I never really had any respect for her.  Even though I did not like her, I could applaud her success, as it was impressive.  Well it was impressive, until we learned more about her and discovered nothing Bethenny says comes from a place of truth.

I have written about her a lot.  It annoys me that so many young women idolize her, and buy her crap products. She is not a role model. She is a child of wealth and privilege, who has a crazy sense of entitlement, no respect for the legacy of her father, and a pathological need to lie and be famous.

Last week when Bethenny told her story of being “lost at sea”, I knew it was a joke.  The story made no sense.  Without any deep research, I have discovered her claims were more far-fetched than I could have imagined. With a little reading, and one phone call, I managed to unravel her story.

Tim Russell, the man who was called out to Bethenny’s boat, called me and we talked about it.  He read a blog I wrote about Bethenny’s story and he got in touch to help set the record straight.  We spoke yesterday and he was forthcoming, honest and had no agenda, other than to tell the truth.

Mr. Russell has worked on the water for 40 years.  He possesses an easy and open personality, and an awesome accent.  His wife is a schoolteacher, and they are real people who work hard to make a living. They are authentic and I feel bad for him that he is caught up in this mess.

It’s fascinating that all of her claims are easily disputed because it’s all public record.  That there is not a massive outcry from her fans demanding to know why she has likely misled them is interesting.  Stop drinking the Kool-Aid!  It is laced with Sodium Benzoate.

Bethenny claims they were lost at sea with no GPS, but when the therapist called Tim to help, he told them his exact coordinates, which he read off of the GPS system.  They did call the Coast Guard, and the USCG suggested he call a tow company because there was no danger.

The Coast Guard confirmed the GPS was working and the boat was not in distress, so they suggested they call a tow company as there was no need for them to assist.  It was Bethenny’s therapist who called Mr. Russell, not the USCG.  It was 5:00 am when he got the call.

Mr. Russell explained that his rate was $250 an hour, which is his standard, offseason, nighttime rate and since it was still dark, the nighttime rate applied.  When he realized the boat was fine, he explained they did not need him and could come in on their own as the boat was fully functioning.

The therapist insisted they needed help, and said they would pay him what he wanted.  Mr. Russell thought it was bizarre, and did not know what was going on, but did not want to ignore the call incase there was an issue so he went out to get them.  His wife went along and they headed out.

When Tim got there, he saw that the boat was fine.  There were 9 people on the boat.  Bethenny, Jason, the therapist, and a Bravo film crew of 6.  They did not need a tow as the boat was fine.  They simply followed Tim and his wife back to the shore with no towing and a functioning GPS.

There was no reason for help to be called.  The Coast Guard did not assist, as there was nothing for them to do.  Tim went out because he respects the water, and was unsure of the problem.  Bethenny wasted everyone’s time, mocked the USCG, and belittled Tim Russell.

Bethenny came back to shore in the same boat she went out on.  The only way they could have gotten lost would have been captain error, but the therapist has been sailing for 30 years and can not only use the GPS, but can read charts, so there is no way they were lost.  If it it was all not faked, it was something short of “reality.”

Bethenny claims says she was out in sea for 21 hours, but does not mention it’s because they sat around for hours killing time, to help their story.  Bethenny says Jason was going to cook, but they only brought beans.  Bethenny has dug a hole she will never get out of.

Everything is documented, including the Coast Guard telling them to call a tow company.  In fact, Tim was not even the first company called.  Another boat refused to go get them, as there was no emergency. Tim went because he is a decent guy and wanted to make sure everyone was okay.

Tim was annoyed they wasted his time, and when they got back to shore, he saw it was a joke.  Bethenny got out of the boat and kissed the dock, but only after the crew got out of the boat to get the shot.  It was faked for her reality show.  None of it was real and everyone was fine.

Bethenny put this man’s safety, and professional reputation on the line.  When they started filming, Tim did not know what was going on.  The therapist told him Bethenny was a television star and just sold her company for $120 million dollars.  He was annoyed Tim did not know.

When I asked Tim about the tip stories in the press, he let me know he was not a waitress and did not work for tips.  He never received a tip, neither did the boat owner.  Bethenny told Ellen she tipped him $2800 dollars.  Not true.  Furthermore, Tim never went to the press to complain.

When talking to a reporter, he was trying to make the point that Bethenny was not honest.  He said if someone truly thought they could die, and were a millionaire, wouldn’t they say thank you, or publically acknowledge who saved her?  Wouldn’t she give a tip?

He felt it was all for show when she went on Ellen and started to talk about him. She made it look like he complained about a tip, when really she put him and his livelihood in jeopardy by using him for her fake reality.  He was kind, but made to look like a putz.

I asked Tim if he had heard Bethenny said she would sleep with him as a tip.  He let me know he would rather be shipwrecked.  This is a hardworking man who has made his living on the ocean for 40 years.  His father and grandfather were both maritime men.

In my opinion, Bethenny has a tenuous relationship to the truth.  She has made claims about her childhood, her parents, her career, her love life, her marriage, and her little boat trip.  She has built a house of half-truths and it’s all going to come crashing down.  It’s a shame she has to hurt innocent people like Tim along the way.

Tim Russell is a sweet man and I liked him.  He and his wife are good people and I hope the cloud Bethenny has placed over them passes quickly.  In the end he will have the last laugh because her story will be held up to scrutiny, he’ll have a good story, and Bethenny will lose in the end.

To be clear, Tim is not some some poor sap who got screwed over by the Bethenny machine.  He’s just a guy, who did his job, and never gave it a second thought.  When she went to the press and distorted the facts of what happened, he wanted to set the record straight. 

Having spoken to him, this is my two cents on the story, and he may not like my perspective either.  In the end he was there and I have told him if he wants to write the story in his own words, I will post it.  The bottom line is that no matter who tells the story, Bethenny’s version is dubious.

Bethenny has built an empire on hyperbole.  The truth is fragile, and when you don’t attend to it, it shatters. It’s just a matter of time, and while we wait to see what happens, I will continue to call her out, pass on the Kool-Aid, and give a voice to those who are keeping it real.

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October 5, 2011 | 12:21 am

Dancing With The Stars - UPDATED

Posted by Ilana Angel

Last night I went to the taping of Dancing With the Stars.  The new set is beautiful and I must say that the crew there is lovely.  From the pages to the camera guys, they are all very sweet and greet you with smiles.  I think television tapings are a lot of waiting and not much fun, but this show is an exception.  Being at a live taping of DWTS is really fabulous.

The dancing in person is phenomenal and if you ever have an opportunity to go, I would highly recommend it.  Last night was really great, and while I would love if Kristin Cavalarri were the one going home, I fear it might be Chaz Bono.  If it were a popularity contest he’d make the cut, but if you factor in the dancing, it might be his time, which is too bad.

I had killer VIP seats thanks to a delicious and an incredibly talented friend. I went with my son’s good friend Emily, who is a fan of the show, a lover of all things Kardashian, and super fun.  We sat behind the Kardashian clan and that was interesting.  By interesting of course I mean I have to talk about them for a minute.  By them, I mean Kim. 

Kim Kardashian is beyond beautiful.  It’s insane how spectacular looking this girl is.  She is very, very little.  Her waste was so tiny I took a double take.  That said, as pretty as she is, her mother is more beautiful.  I was blown away by how really stunning Kris is.  Granted these ladies wear an insane amount of make up, but you cannot deny how gorgeous they are.

My pal Emily loves Kim and wanted nothing more than a picture with her. She went to Kim before the taping started and told her she loved her and could she take a picture after the show as it was about to start.  Kim was very sweet and told her thank you and of course they could take a picture.  I was impressed with how gracious Kim was.  It didn’t last long.

After the show Emily went up to her to take a picture and Kim blew her off. No picture, no acknowledgement of her saying they could take a picture, just a blow off.  It was a drag because Emily is 15, and truly a fan.  It is because of young girls like her that Kim is famous, and she could not be bothered to take a pic?  She’s just a stuck up porn star.  Lame.

Enough with the talentless, let’s go on to the dancing!  Rob Karsashian was first and he was really good.  He’s a sweet boy, which was surprising because I always thought he was kind of a schmuck.  I liked him in person and while I don’t get why he’s famous, he did a great job and deserves to make it through to next week.  Sidebar:  he has a fabulous ass!

Chynna Phillips:  She was good, and her legs go on for days, but I don’t get her and am not at all invested in her.  She is boring and a little add to me, but pretty and working hard.  I don’t care if she stays or goes.  Chaz Bono was up next and let me just say that I love him.  He is adorable in person and even though he struggled last night, I hope he stays.

I spoke with his fiancé Jennifer and she was lovely.  I get they are controversial, and some people don’t get it, but this is a really great man and his being on this show is brave beyond measure.  If people could see him as simply a human being, without trying to define him, it would be a better world.  I used all my votes last night on Chaz.

Kristin Cavallari was next and seriously, I have nothing to say about her. Well, except for the fact that her voice is annoying, she is not a star, and when her dance was done and she and Mark were talking Tom, she had her hand on Mark’s bum and was rubbing it.  While it might never happen, I hope she is the one sent home tonight.

I LOVE Carson Kressley.  Seriously.  Love him.  He did a brilliant job last night and was the most audience friendly.  He waved to everyone, talked to the audience, and was simply divine.  He danced beautifully and is the most fun to watch.  I want him to stay until the very end and I think he has a shot at it.  He is my favorite cast member.

JR Martinez is a remarkable human being.  His dance was great on television, and beyond fantastic in person.  I fell in love with him last night, and there was not a dry eye in the studio when he danced.  He got a heartfelt standing ovation and it was magic.  He is a hero and will be in the finals because that is where he deserves to be.

Nancy Grace was next and I was surprised by how little she is.  She is short and tiny, and a powerhouse.  I love her and she was lovely last night.  She’s such a bulldog on her show, that it’s nice to see her vulnerable and charming. She will not make it much longer, but good for her.  She is doing a good job and her partner is adorable.

Ricki Lake is my pick to win.  I love this girl and she is a great dancer.  She looked beautiful last night and did a wonderful job.  She waved to everyone, talked to people, was charming and warm and a real person.  She is super cute, and not too far away from her first perfect score of 30.  I think she is going to take the mirror ball in the end.

Hope Solo has an insane body.  There does not appear to be a single ounce of fat on it.  She is solid and ripped, and while very pretty, not that feminine. She’s not going anywhere anytime soon, but she will not make it to the finals in my opinion.  Abby Wambach was there cheering her on, and meeting her was a thrill.  I would have dug watching Abby dance more.

David Arquette was last up and he was very sweet.  He is super skinny and extremely handsome in person.  His daughter was adorable and when I told her that her dad did a great job, she said thank you and it was darling. What they didn’t show was that when he was done dancing, he went over to kiss and hug his little girl.

Then he put out a hand to Courtney, she took it and then he turned to leave, then tuned back around, and they hugged, which made the audience erupt in applause and huge “awwww”.  It was very sweet and you got the sense people were pulling for him and while he may not get the mirrored ball, maybe he will get her back.

I think Chaz will be the one going home tonight which is a shame.  I love this show and cannot write about it without pointing out that I do not get the appeal of broke Burke, and that Tom Bergeron is the perfect host.  It is only when Tom wins an Emmy as the host, over Jeff Probst, will I truly believe that reality television has a shot at keeping it real.

UPDATE:  Kristin was voted off!  Freaking awesome.  I wanted her to go but truly thought she’d last another week.  She may have been a good dancer, but she has no personality and that matters on a show like this.  She is not even a celebrity.  I could not be happier that it was her and so happy that Chaz and Carson are safe.  Good job America!

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October 4, 2011 | 2:13 pm

Dancing With the Stars from the Good Seats

Posted by Ilana Angel

Last night I went to the live taping of Dancing With the Stars.  The new set is beautiful and I must say that the crew there is lovely.  From the pages to the camera guys, they are all very sweet and greet you with smiles.  I think television tapings are a lot of waiting and not much fun, but this show is an exception.  Being at a live taping of DWTS is really fabulous.

The dancing in person is phenomenal and if you ever have an opportunity to go, I would highly recommend it.  Last night was really great, and while I would love if Kristin Cavalarri were the one going home, I fear it might be Chaz Bono.  If it were a popularity contest he’d make the cut, but if you factor in the dancing, it might be his time, which is too bad.

I had killer VIP seats thanks to a delicious and an incredibly talented friend. I went with my son’s good friend Emily, who is a fan of the show, a lover of all things Kardashian, and super fun.  We sat behind the Kardashian clan and that was interesting.  By interesting of course I mean I have to talk about them for a minute.  By them, I mean Kim. 

Kim Kardashian is beyond beautiful.  It’s insane how spectacular looking this girl is.  She is very, very little.  Her waste was so tiny I took a double take.  That said, as pretty as she is, her mother is more beautiful.  I was blown away by how really stunning Kris is.  Granted these ladies wear an insane amount of make up, but you cannot deny how gorgeous they are.

My pal Emily loves Kim and wanted nothing more than a picture with her. She went to Kim before the taping started and told her she loved her and could she take a picture after the show as it was about to start.  Kim was very sweet and told her thank you and of course they could take a picture.  I was impressed with how gracious Kim was.  It didn’t last long.

After the show Emily went up to her to take a picture and Kim blew her off. No picture, no acknowledgement of her saying they could take a picture, just a blow off.  It was a drag because Emily is 15, and truly a fan.  It is because of young girls like her that Kim is famous, and she could not be bothered to take a pic?  She’s just a stuck up porn star.  Lame.

Enough with the talentless, let’s go on to the dancing!  Rob Karsashian was first and he was really good.  He’s a sweet boy, which was surprising because I always thought he was kind of a schmuck.  I liked him in person and while I don’t get why he’s famous, he did a great job and deserves to make it through to next week.  Sidebar:  he has a fabulous ass!

Chynna Phillips:  She was good, and her legs go on for days, but I don’t get her and am not at all invested in her.  She is boring and a little add to me, but pretty and working hard.  I don’t care if she stays or goes.  Chaz Bono was up next and let me just say that I love him.  He is adorable in person and even though he struggled last night, I hope he stays.

I spoke with his fiancé Jennifer and she was lovely.  I get they are controversial, and some people don’t get it, but this is a really great man and his being on this show is brave beyond measure.  If people could see him as simply a human being, without trying to define him, it would be a better world.  I used all my votes last night on Chaz.

Kristin Cavallari was next and seriously, I have nothing to say about her. Well, except for the fact that her voice is annoying, she is not a star, and when her dance was done and she and Mark were talking Tom, she had her hand on Mark’s bum and was rubbing it.  While it will never happen, I hope she is the one sent home tonight.

I LOVE Carson Kressley.  Seriously.  Love him.  He did a brilliant job last night and was the most audience friendly.  He waved to everyone, talked to the audience, and was simply divine.  He danced beautifully and is the most fun to watch.  I want him to stay until the very end and I think he has a shot at it.  He is my favorite cast member.

JR Martinez is a remarkable human being.  His dance was great on television, and beyond fantastic in person.  I fell in love with him last night, and there was not a dry eye in the studio when he danced.  He got a heartfelt standing ovation and it was magic.  He is a hero and will be in the finals because that is where he deserves to be.

Nancy Grace was next and I was surprised by how little she is.  She is short and tiny, and a powerhouse.  I love her and she was lovely last night.  She’s such a bulldog on her show, that it’s nice to see her vulnerable and charming. She will not make it much longer, but good for her.  She is doing a good job and her partner is adorable.

Ricki Lake is my pick to win.  I love this girl and she is a great dancer.  She looked beautiful last night and did a wonderful job.  She waved to everyone, talked to people, was charming and warm and a real person.  She is super cute, and not too far away from her first perfect score of 30.  I think she is going to take the mirror ball in the end.

Hope Solo has an insane body.  There does not appear to be a single ounce of fat on it.  She is solid and ripped, and while very pretty, not that feminine. She’s not going anywhere anytime soon, but she will not make it to the finals in my opinion.  Abby Wambach was there cheering her on, and meeting her was a thrill.  I would have dug watching Abby dance more.

David Arquette was last up and he was very sweet.  He is super skinny and extremely handsome in person.  His daughter was adorable and when I told her that her dad did a great job, she said thank you and it was darling. What they didn’t show was that when he was done dancing, he went over to kiss and hug his little girl.

Then he put out a hand to Courtney, she took it and then he turned to leave, then tuned back around, and they hugged, which made the audience erupt in applause and huge “awwww”.  It was very sweet and you got the sense people were pulling for him and while he may not get the mirrored ball, maybe he will get her back.

I think Chaz will be the one going home tonight which is a shame.  I love this show and cannot write about it without pointing out that I do not get the appeal of broke Burke, and that Tom Bergeron is the perfect host.  It is only when Tom wins an Emmy as the host, over Jeff Probst, will I truly believe that reality television has a shot at keeping it real.

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October 4, 2011 | 2:44 am

Why The Real Housewives of New Jersey are Lame & Meeting Ashlee Holmes

Posted by Ilana Angel

I watched Sunday night’s episode of RHONJ and it was interesting I guess, but what was more entertaining was the war on Twitter that the ladies of New Jersey decided to have.  It’s weird to watch a show from months ago, when we already know how everything is turning out.

The women of NJ are Twitter savvy and they go there often, so we can see in real time what is happening, which makes the episodes lame. To watch their fake vacation is simply stupid, when at the same time we are reading that Jacqueline and Teresa are no longer friends.

I also think it’s disrespectful to the fans for Caroline to go on Watch What Happens Live, and when asked how things are going, answer that we have to wait until season four.  Is she high?  We don’t need to wait for anything, we just need to read Twitter.  She is ridiculous.

Real Housewives fans are not just a bunch of crazy women sitting with their cats. I’m sure there are a lot of those, but many of us are educated and interesting women, who somehow got addicted, and are simply unable to turn away. Bravo should not disrespect us.

They need to ban the ladies from Twitter as part of the contract, or not show us storylines from months again.  It’s eventually going to get old and we’ll bail.  Jacqueline has been taking to Twitter a lot lately.  Teresa has pushed Jac to the limit, and she is done.

Word on Bravo Street is that Jac has quit the show and is focusing on her husband and children, without all the drama that being a part of the show provides.  I guess we’ll find out how that all works out when we watch season four, a couple of years from now.

Speaking of Jacqueline and her children, I met her daughter Ashlee today. I went to a taping of Dancing With The Stars and she was there with Lizzy Grubman.  I must tell you that Lizzy is shocking looking.  She simply does not look well, and does not seem to care.

She looks like someone who is the focus of an Intervention episode on A&E, not a fancy shmancy publicist.  She looks like she needs to eat a sandwich and get herself into rehab before her teeth fall out.  That said, she did not speak so I do not know if she had teeth.

Ashley was very sweet.  To start with, I was surprised by how tiny she is. She is very, very thin with a super cute body.  She was wearing very tight jeans and killer shoes that were insanely high.  I’m not sure how anyone could walk in them, but she did, and quite well.

Her hair was thrown up in a loose bun and she has new bangs.  I saw her and walked over to say hello.  She was very shy and sweet.  I asked her how she was doing, and she told me she was fine.  She seemed sincerely touched I asked her and I had to fight the urge to hug her.

She is a very pretty and young girl, but her face was puffy, and looked like she had work done.  She’s a child and I cannot imagine that she did, but there was something off about her facial features and it was odd. I’m not sure what it was, but it made me a little sad.

I welcomed her to LA, we chatted for a quick minute, and I thought she was lovely. She seems lost, and perhaps seeking direction. We see a distorted view of her life on TV, so who knows what’s really going on, but turning to Lizzy as a mother figure, it’s not going to be good.

Ashley seems like a nice girl, and in person was much different from who she is on RHONJ.  In the end we must all come to terms with the fact that unscripted TV does not exist and we see what people want us to see. I hope Ashley is able to get herself together, and keep it real.

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October 2, 2011 | 9:00 pm

Bethenny Frankel, Reality Star, Has No Grasp on Reality

Posted by Ilana Angel

Bethenny Frankel was on Ellen this week and it was fascinating.  She cannot stop lying, and when her lies were questioned by Ellen, she lies over the lies.  You can actually watch her dig herself into a hole and it’s interesting to see.  I honestly don’t know how she does it.

Bethenny has no apparent grasp on reality.  She is rude to Ellen, and has no understanding of conversation etiquette.  Rule 1:  When someone is talking, listen.  Do not talk over them, louder, to drown out what they say, to make your point heard.  Especially when your point is stupid.

It’s no secret I have issues with Bethenny.  I used to really like her, but she has become ridiculous and I find that I am now laughing at her, more than I am with her.  She is self-centered and her only goal is to be famous.  She lies about everything, including her lost at sea story.

Sidebar:  If you don’t follow Bethenny on Twitter, don’t bother. She is boring and insanely selfish.  She usually talks about herself, occasionally about her baby, and never about her husband.  She only responds to people who praise her, and she is constantly selling something.

So the Ellen visit starts with her coming out and dancing, and it’s all good. The second she opens her mouth however, she is classic Bethenny and the lies starts flowing like Niagara Falls.  Ellen asks her about being stranded at sea, and Bethenny is rude to her, which was interesting.

Bethenny says that her therapist suggested they go on a “team building” exercise as having been married two years, there are bumps in her marriage. Listen, the bumps have nothing to with time, but more to do with her getting pregnant and marrying a stranger.

Important to note that I love therapy but I would never socialize with my therapist, and furthermore, if there was something he wanted me and my husband to do, to make our marriage stronger, I would not take a film crew to capture every moment of our rebuilding.

Plus, what kind of a therapist agrees to have his sessions filmed for television?  Perhaps the fame whore kind, but I digress.  She is telling us that Jason was set to cook on the boat, which is interesting.  We have never seen her cook, but he is going to cook now.

She is talking about how they got hit by a wave and it was violent, yet she says Jason slept through it.  She says the Coast Guard was called to help, yet they sent a tow company to “rescue” them.  Ellen asks the logical question of why the Coast Guard did not come themselves.

Bethenny panics for a second because she did not prepare a proper lie, and scrambles to say that the Coast Guard does not do rescues unless someone is bleeding or in dire need of help.  Really?  The Coast Guard hangs around for the big stuff and sends in fishermen for the rest?

Ellen is trying to understand what happened, but Bethenny gets pissy with all the questions, and even Ellen jokes that she does not need to get mad at her, she’s just trying to figure out what happened.  Bethenny is in need of a real therapist, not a guy who plays one on TV.

Then the show got confusing because Bethenny references her “therapist” and says he’s a great sailor, and refers to a video we saw, but we were shown nothing.  Did they show footage, then edit it out?  Did Ellen realize it was a big scam and did not want her show to be a part of it?

Ellen comments that the guy who towed her in went to the press and complained that she did not tip him. He’s actually commented here on my blog, and his issue was not with the tip, but with the fabrication of her story.  It simply did not happen as she would like us to believe.

Bethenny assures us she did tip him, and would have even slept with him as a thank you.  If she were single, that would be quite funny.  But considering she is married, and a mother,  it was not funny, but vulgar. It’s so sad that this is the legacy she is creating for her kid.

Ellen jokingly tells Bethenny the tow guy is there, and all color drains from her face before Ellen can tell her it’s a joke.  That is brilliant television.  Then all the fun ends when Bethenny does a segment on how to save money and be fashionable. Why would we care about her opinion?

It’s a silly set up for her talk show and I’m not watching.  The thought of a Bethenny talk show is unfathomable to me.  That said, I will watch, and blog because while she has a lot of fans, there are just as many of us who don’t get it, and when it comes to Bethenny, like to keep it real.

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September 30, 2011 | 6:50 pm

Back to Back Jersey Shore Tests My Love Affair With Snooki

Posted by Ilana Angel

I missed Jersey Shore last week so I just sat through 2 hours. Two hours of Jersey Shore makes me want to kill myself.  By kill myself of course I mean I want to kill one of them.  I would never do that for real. It would only keep them on TV longer.

I have loved these kids since we first saw them.  By kids, of course I mean everyone but Mike, who I am convinced is 40.  They have been fun to watch, but those days may be over.  There is no good reason why their fifteen minutes are not up.  I don’t get it.

Last week started with Snooki hitting a cop car and losing her international drivers license.  If they were dumb enough to give her one, it’s their own fault.  Snooki is oddly proud of herself, and very excited that her boyfriend is coming to visit.  Jenni, not so much.

Roger is not able to visit her, because he can’t get the time off of work.  She is crying and I feel for her.  She seems really lovely.  Even with her occasional outburst of violence, still sweet.  Deena and Sammi take her out, while Snooks stays home to rest.

Stalker Brittney comes to visit unannounced, so Snooki lets her in and tells her to wait in Mike’s bed.  Meanwhile back at the bar, Mike is on his way home with another girl. Snooki messing with Brittney is hilarious.  Snooki needs her own show, but only for one episode.

Mike gets home with a girl he is certain is DTF, but when he sees Brit, he sends the new girl home and settles on getting it in with Brittney,  It’s really gross.  In the morning, he sends her out, barefoot, into a cab.  How proud this girl’s mother must be of her baby.

Jionni is on his way and Snooki is freaking out.  He is a really cute kid.  Mike sees him and is convinced Jionni is “curious” about him.  Mike is such a schmuck.  He is a troublemaker and you know he’s on a mission to mess things up for Snooki.  He’s an odd old man.

Everyone goes to a club and Mike is spending the entire night trying to cause a situation.  He is waiting to fight with Jionni, which makes Snooki tense, and I now believe Snooki had sex with Mike, after she started dating Jionni, so Mike was telling the truth.

They relocate to club number two and the serious drinking begins.  Everyone is getting hammered, Snooki is dancing, and that’s when we have a situation. Snooki is wasted and dancing like a whore, showing her lady parts to anyone who is interested.  Jionni is done.

He is embarrassed and heads home.  Literally, home.  Snooki is chasing after him, screaming through the streets of Florence.  Snooks is belligerent, screaming like a mental patient, Jenni is trying to help her, but Snooki is losing her mind and having a nervous breakdown.

Snooki is crying, letting us all know she does not deserve this right now, and talking to a car, saying it’s stupid Ronnie is chasing after Jionni trying to calm him down, but he’s done.  He just told her he never loved anyone so much, now he is packing his stuff to go.

Snooki is drunk, crying, falling, and ridiculous, while Jenni is screaming through the streets looking for Jionni.  At one point she takes her shoes off and you can see the end of her tan.  It’s hilarious how dark her legs are, only to see her glow in the dark white feet.

Sidebar:  Vinny is a really nice guy.  A pig to be sure, but he has a kind heart and it’s a shame that this show is how we know him because no matter how sweet he is, his piggish ways will always trump that, and he will be a douchebag.  Charming, but still a douche.

Jionni finds his way back to the house, packs up his stuff and leaves to go back to Jersey.  He’s there less than 24 hours.  Poor Snooki.  Nobody ever told her flashing her boobs and crotch to complete strangers was not good for a relationship.  How sad for her.

In an attempt to get Jionni back, she tells him he is mean, an idiot, and stupid.  She let’s him know she hates him too.  Good call.  He is over it, which is a little dramatic, but understandable.  He dumps her and the only one who gets it is Sam, who sees herself.

Sammi apologizes to everyone for the drama she caused and it’s hilarious because you know it will be her turn again soon.  And so last week ends with Jionni heading back to Jersey without a good bye. She is heartbroken and does not get why he left her.

Tonight’s episode starts with Snooki sober, and calling Jionni’s cell phone nonstop.  She gets dressed and does what any girl would do when she has a broken heart, and does not know where her boyfriend is.  She goes out for a beer, and talks to strangers.

Snooki calls her dad for a pep talk, and demands that he explain it, but fails to tell him what she did.  Now her dad is pissed off and stressed out for no reason.  The whole entire thing is lame.  This show is lame.  I watch this show, so I am lame.  I need to stop.

Important to note that in a world where people are famous for no reason, at least Snooki is funny, unlike Kim Kardashian, who is a porn star, or Bethenny, who is a compulsive liar.  If we are going to watch the lives of people for no reason, at least Snooki is entertaining.

I’m bored with this show and perhaps the trick to watching Jersey Shore is to only watch one episode at a time.  Two hours is simply unbearable.  Jenni gets Jionni on the phone and he lies and says he is already gone, but he’s not. He’s at the train station and heading home.

Then, just when I want to start pulling my teeth out with pliers, Jenni makes it all worthwhile, by calling Snooki Sam.  She starts referring to all the drama that Snooki is causing as Sam and Ron.  Sam wants Jenni to clarify that it is the “old” Sam not the new Sam.

Too funny.  Snooki and Jionni are the new Sam and Ron and the comparisons are brilliant.  Jenni and Snooki find Jionni, he tells Snooki he loves her but needs to go.  After less than a day, and watching his girlfriend strip for strangers, he heads back to Jersey.

Everyone is going out, again, and Deena shares with the camera that she might be pregnant. Snooki is beating up on men while dancing, and Sammi is painfully boring.  Deena then tells Jenni she might be with child, so Jen takes her to get a pregnancy test.

Deena is upset, and worried about how mad her parents will be.  She says she will kill herself if she is pregnant and if she doesn’t, her parents will.  Really? Her parents will flip if she’s preggers, but sleeping with men, and women, and getting drunk, on camera is okay?

How is it that she is concerned all of a sudden that her parents will be mad? Have they not been paying attention to what she has been doing up until now? Whatever. She does the test and of course she is not pregnant.  Thank God I’m almost through 2 hours.

Snooki is talking to Jionni and it’s stupid.  She is mad at him for being mad at her.  He calls her a pig and she take offense and tells him she is taking a break.  Is this what young people are like now?  She is like a child, not a woman in her twenties.  Lame.

Mike tells Snooki he loves her, and Snooki, without saying a word, acknowledges that they did sleep together, and tells him they are just friends.  He wants more and it’s very creepy, yet I’m finding Mike sweet, which is even creepier.

The show ends with Snooki making out with Vinny. Then when we are shown a preview for next week,  it turns out they have sex.  Dear Lord these kids are a mess.  It’s still entertaining, but one hour a week is the only way to keep the love for these kids.

I would love to watch an episode of Jersey Shore with their parents.  I get kids are crazy and do wild things, but this is their life, not spring break.  At some point they need to grow up and their parents need to step in and teach their kids to keeping it real.

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September 28, 2011 | 10:41 am

I Think Patti Stanger is an Idiot – Sorry, No Way to Sugar Coat It

Posted by Ilana Angel

I have been writing for years that I think Patti Stanger should be taken off of television.  She is offensive to women, Jews, matchmakers, and now gay men too.  I think her show should be cancelled, and this week I got a little help in proving my point from an unlikely source, Patty herself.

Stanger was on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen this week, and she showed her true colors, which happen to be dark and ugly, not rainbow bright as she would like us to think.  She is backtracking now and apologizing to anyone who will listen, but she’s so dumb she is making is worse.

Stanger told Andy that no gay men, none, were capable of monogamy.  She also said that all Jewish men lie.  She has also said that red headed girls have no shot of getting married unless they change their hair color, and women need to dumb themselves down in order to land a man.

She has said a lot of idiotic things, which makes sense because she is an idiot.  She went on the Joy Behar Show and denied that she said all gay men are incapable of monogamy, and clarified that she was only talking about the men in Los Angeles.  She’s not very good at defending herself.

She also stereotyped all Jewish men as being liars.  I’ve dated my fair share of Jewish men and yes they lied, however, it was not because they were Jewish, but because they were men.  Men lie.  We get it.  Newsflash Patti, women lie too, and probably more.  In fact, she coaches women to lie.

She stereotypes Jewish men as liars, but seems to forget that she goes on television each week and preaches to women that they need to lie in order to find a husband.  Patti is a liar. She ended an engagement earlier this year and said it was because she wanted a family and he did not.  Really?

She is a 50 year old woman who claims to be an expert on how to help women find husbands, yet has been unable to find one for herself.  How can you be an expert on something that you fail at miserably?  Patti is an embarrassment and maybe Bravo will finally see that, and can her.

Patti is telling anyone who will listen that she is sorry for offending anyone, while Bravo released a statement saying, “[Patti’s] comments are not representative of the network’s beliefs and opinions.  We apologize for the offense it caused.” Don’t apologize Bravo, just fire her.

I know lots of gay men, in Los Angeles, who are monogamous.  I know lots of Jewish men who do not lie.  I know lots of red heads who are married.  I know of one matchmaker who fails at her job, is not a very kind human being, and needs a big slice of humble pie, along with a glass of keeping it real.

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