Posted by Ilana Angel
I watch much more reality television than I write about. Some shows are impossible to recap because they are simply not good, and others I watch for me, and so blogging about them makes it work, and therefore takes the pleasure out of it. While I have many favorites, I can’t stand some of these train wrecks but suffer through because it’s my job.
I sat down this week and watched a bunch of shows. In the past I have written about some and skipped over others, but today I thought a quick review was needed. It’s a sad commentary on our society that some of these shows are on television, fascinating some of these people are getting rich, and truly a miracle that I get paid to watch it all.
DANCE MOMS: Dance teacher Abby Lee is an embarrassment and what she does to these kids is painful to watch. These little girls will snap at some point and that will result in their hating dance, hating themselves, or on a pole. The little girls are absolutely lovely, and their mothers are absolute bitches. I would never take my kid to this woman.
TOP CHEF: This show is brilliant. I picked Paul as the winner the first week. This season was excellent in terms of what they created and also excellent in that this was the meanest group of contestants. They ganged up on poor Beverly, which was sad, but made for really great television. Chicks in the kitchen are mean, and men in the kitchen are sexy.
MOB WIVES: I love this show. The women on this show are both unbelievable and real. They are living a life we thought only existed in the movies, and it’s riveting. These women are unapologetic, hardcore, sensitive and loving. Drita is perfection and Big Ang is the greatest thing to happen to television, reality or otherwise, ever.
JERSEY SHORE: I have gotten a kick out of this show for years but I’m now done. Mike is a complete and total pig, and Snooki getting pregnant is a sign from the heavens that it’s time to look away. They had a good run, made a lot of money, and need move on off the TV. This show has lasted longer than anyone imagined so Mazel Tov and goodbye.
MILLION DOLLAR LISTING: Between Ryan, who works for fun not because he needs the money, to Frederic the Swedish porn star, to Michael the walking petri dish of STD’s, this show is fun to watch from a real estate perspective, and repulsive to watch from a people perspective. I’m checking out of this one after one episode.
UNDERCOVER BOSS: I have cried at every episode of this show. I don’t know how they pick the companies, or the employees to work with, but this show is fun to watch. You quickly get invested in the people, and are pulling for them to get help from the boss in the end. I have yet to be disappointed with this show or the people we meet.
SURVIVOR: This show is old. The challenges have been done over and over again, and the people are not that interesting, but just when you think you want to give up on it, you get a contestant like Colton and all bets are off. This kid is single handedly changing this game in magnificent ways and I am in because of him. He makes good television.
THE AMAZING RACE: This show is literally amazing. It is a romp around the world and a lot of fun. It is quick, and entertaining and I find myself pulling for people and yelling at the TV telling them to hurry up. There is a reason this show keeps winning Emmy’s. This is reality television for people who are smart, not the Kardashian set.
KARDASHIAN ANYTHING: There is nothing entertaining about this family. Well Scott Disick is fun, but he’s not a Kardashian. These people have no talent and nothing of value to say. There is no reason they should be on television and we should not watch. I think everything bad thing in the world should be blamed on a Kardashian.
LOVE BROKER: This show is a waste of time. When you are watching a matchmaking show and wish you were watching Patti Stanger, you know it’s a crapfest. The matchmaker is an idiot, her partner is a bitch, and her clients are clearly single for a reason. Whoever opted to make this show owes me an hour of my life back.
Reality television is an interesting thing. By interesting of course I mean it is like a cheap street drug and once you watch even a little bit, you are hooked and can’t stop. If admission is the first step to recovery then my name is Ilana and I am addicted to reality television. I am going to keep watching, keep blogging, and keep on keeping it real.
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire.
12.2.13 at 7:09 pm | Second week in a row of boring television.
12.2.13 at 7:12 am | I was bored with all the jumping around.
12.1.13 at 9:20 am | The constant end endless desire to hurt someone. . .
11.25.13 at 11:14 pm | They started off strong, but tonight tanked.
11.25.13 at 9:02 pm | Some of this episode was uncomfortable to watch.
12.1.13 at 9:20 am | The constant end endless desire to hurt someone. . . (3542)
12.2.13 at 7:09 pm | Second week in a row of boring television. (2877)
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire. (2081)
March 6, 2012 | 2:51 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
This is my least favorite episode of every season. I get annoyed by the constant recapping and pissed off that in a two hour show, there is only about 30 minutes of original footage, with a bunch of clips. Then to make it even more painful, we are shown a Bachelor Whore Reunion in Las Vegas, where we are supposed to guess who the contestants will be for the third season of Bachelor Pad.
I will not be watching Bachelor Pad. By not watching it of course I mean I will be watching it. Damn it. I need a reality show intervention. I don’t remember half of the people they are showing, and the ones I do remember, I think are morons. I have said it before and will say it again, Bachelorette Ali is the most annoying reality show contestant ever. I cannot stand her, and she is the ultimate fame whore.
A women are with Chris and they are ridiculous. They have watched the season and for reasons I do not understand, are still gushing over Ben. Ben is a bore, with dirty hair, who made out with all of them, slept with a whore, is a dufus and a slut. How is it possible they are still pining over this guy? He is either very talented in the boudoir, or these chicks are just really stupid. I’m guessing they’re stupid.
Blakeley is defending herself against all the horrible things everyone said about her. Sidebar: I think Blakeley has the same dentist as Hilary Duff because they both have veneers that are too big for their mouths and are reminiscent of Mr. Ed. Blakely is fighting with Samantha who I don’t remember, and could care less about. Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard. I am now drinking my first glass of wine.
Brittney, the chick who brought her Grandma to the first night, tells us she left because she was not attracted to Ben. Samantha is talking again, but needs to shut the hell up. Then as if she can hear me, Brittney tells Samantha to shut up. Love it. Brittney was quiet and meek on the show but she’s a fireball here and I dig her. She is pretty and tough. Samantha needs to be squashed like a bug and thrown out.
Chantal, from another season, busted into their season to try and win Ben over and the chicks hated her. They still do. She is whining about how mean the girls were to her, but what did she expect? She got dumped on her season and needed to stay away from this one. She tries to be sweet but in the end the chicks are not having it. They shut her down and blame her for their being mean to her. Chicks are brutal.
Some chick named Jaclyn, who has horrible hair and an unfortunate nose, is talking and I can’t help but wonder why she is there. Who cares about the girls that left early? It should have been just the last handful. Chantal is desperate which is not a good look. Emily is talking to Chris and she is cute. By cute of course I mean she is highly educated, but real life dumb. She is still talking about Courtney and I’m bored.
Nicki is up and telling us she was in love with Ben. It’s weird because I never saw any chemistry between her and Ben. She is a grown up, he is a child. She washes her hair, he does not. She is articulate, he is a buffoon. The only person who saw chemistry between them was her, so one must wonder exactly how much she was drinking during taping. She’s annoying, but at the same time too good for Ben.
Kacie B. is next and she is boring. Sweet, but to be clear, a plain piece of white toast. She loved him and her parents screwed it up for her by telling slutty Ben there was no living together, or sleeping together, before marriage. Once he met her family, it was never going to happen. She is like a teenager and had no shot in hell. Ben is looking to get lucky and that was never happening with Kacie B. Bless her.
We see a video montage of Courtney and the girls are having a field day. They are throwing her under the bus, which I get. Courtney is a freak. By freak of course I mean she is a fame whore who was willing to sleep with a guy she had no interest in to become famous. Can’t blame her really. She has no obvious talent so this was probably her one and only shot. Courtney is a model? Model of how to humiliate yourself.
Courtney comes out and the women are pissed. She is pretending to be scared and sad but we all know she is laughing on the inside. She came to play and she did her job. She has an unfortunate overbite, a bad attitude, and a chip on her shoulder. Right out of the gate Blakeley is on the attack and throwing Courtney under the bus. They also point out that the skinny dipping stunt was a total slut move.
Courtney wants us to think she is mortified by her behavior and I’m not buying it. She wants us to understand the situation was hard for her, which is lame because it was hard for everyone. Courtney is lying, not doing a good, job, and you know some major fake crying is in our future. I am now on glass of wine number two and am thinking how great it would be to have a dart board with Ben’s face in the bulls eye.
Courtney is making it worse for herself. She is not articulate or endearing. She is cold, aloof, and fake. She is crying and choking up, but there are no tears. One eventually appears in the corner of her eye and as it streams down her face I wonder if she peed a little as she forced that tear out. She is not genuine. She is a liar and a slut, and we’re not buying it. She is now crying and I think it’s because she did in fact pee herself and has to get up with a stained dress.
She apologizes to the girls and Ben, then gives a subtle hint she and Ben are not together. Whatever. The only question more important than who he picks, is why the hell do we care? Ben then comes out to face the women and I am pouring my third glass of wine. The pathetic women are asking him why they were dumped and I am listening and thanking God I am no longer that young and dumb. They are silly.
They are begging him to tell them, on national television, what is wrong with them. This show is hilarious and these girls have no self worth. Ben is talking and I am fantasizing about washing his hair. I am wearing gloves and using a hose. Nicki does not understand why he dumped her. Really? I will tell you Nicki. He dumped you because you had no chemistry and nothing to talk about because he is a moron with fleas.
They show some outtakes of “funny” moments and it’s an epic failure. Nothing was funny, proving that as a whole, this was the most boring cast in the history of this franchise. It’s between Lindzi who is forgettable, and Courtney who is using him. Next week he will decide but it does not matter because whoever it is, they are broken up by now. This show makes me nuts, but I’m in till the end. Annoyed, but keeping it real.
March 5, 2012 | 11:16 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
We are headed to the Hamptons. Again. But not before we meet Bethenny’s new driver/security guy. We are five minutes in and she crosses the line, talking to him about lingerie and feminine hygiene. She also lets us know she is inappropriate because it’s funny. Bethenny does not know funny.
I’m not sure why 10 minutes of riding in the car with her is interesting, but whatever. What about anything she does is interesting? Bethenny is running through the sprinklers with Bryn and it is adorable. She is funny and cute and you forget for a minute that she is a fame whore, and hot mess.
Jason arrives with two assistants and lets her know he ran over a family of 4 raccoons on the way to the beach. Bethenny is mortified he did not get out of the car and check on them. The father of her child should get out of the car on a freeway and risk getting rabies? Good call Bethenny.
Important to note that nothing is sacred with this woman and she will use any and all opportunities to embarrass and humiliate her husband. It’s horrible to watch and you can’t but think it’s all orchestrated and they will be divorced by the end of the year. How does he put up with her?
Bethenny is out for lunch with Jason, and her friends, and she immediately is talking about genitals. She sets up the sister of her assistant/fake friend Julie with her business partner, but is creepy when talking about it. Bethenny is bored in her marriage and cannot hide it.
She is holding a party for Skinny Girl, laughing, having fun, and being called an idiot by her husband. Good times. The next day Jason tells her she looks beautiful but her hat is big, and she slams him. She is so completely rude to him it is now uncomfortable to watch. She is disgusting.
Bethenny is talking about being single and Jason calls her out on it, and the driver sides with Jason, which is just awkward. They bicker nonstop, in front of everyone, and this show is grating on my last nerve. They need to wrap it up, admit its over, and stop dragging us through the mud.
Their relationship is truly unfortunate. She constantly talks about how she wants a better childhood for her daughter, but this is the legacy she is creating for her?. This little girl will grow up to watch her mother but off her father’s balls on a weekly basis. Pathetic.
Jason and Bethenny are off to lunch together with Cookie and they feel forced. There is no chemistry between them and it feels like a brother and sister out for the day. Or maybe it’s like two sisters since Bethenny has stripped Jason of all his manlihood and turned him into a woman.
There is a Skinny Girl flag on the boat they are taking to lunch, which is ridiculous. We laugh at Bethenny not with her. Bethenny is proud of herself for not freaking out when there is a problem with the boat and you have to laugh. She is not freaked out because she read it in the script.
Sidebar: Why does Bethenny take a Skinny Girl gift bag to every person she meets with? Why does she feel the need to compare herself to celebrities who are actually talented? Why does she refer to the new apartment as her apartment? Does she know she is married?
Jason and Bethenny are meeting with the contractor/designer/architect about their new apartment and I am bored. It’s such a transparent space filler that it’s lame. Why would they set up her office in their new home is beyond me since Jason complains all the time the office staff is there.
Does Bethenny need to take a security guard to her massage appointment? I guess she needs him for the same reasons she talks to him about sex in front of strangers, it’s in the script. Bethenny has sold her soul to the devil and I cannot imagine all the money in the world is worth it.
Important to note, not all homeless people think they are cats, and therefore use the sand box in a public park as a toilet. Bethenny is a pig. She is having a scripted drink break with Julie so they can reminisce about how far they have come, how life has changed, and how great Bethenny is.
Julie keeps saying it’s the truth when talking about how much Bethenny has become a family person and it’s insane. Who writes this crap? Jason’s parents are there, and I simply love those people. It makes me so sad that she is such a complete and total bitch to them. So sad.
Bethenny is at her fake therapy appointment and lets her fame whore doctor know Jason and Bryn are away visiting his parents. She talks about missing Bryn, then lies and says she also misses Jason. Bethenny cares about her baby and herself, not her husband, and she can’t hide it.
The “Doctor” is telling her about a workshop at sea/lost at sea exercise for them to go on and I am laughing my ass off. We all know she lied about the lost at sea story, I confirmed it myself with the boat captain and the Coast Guard, so whatever Bethenny. You are full of crap.
Bethenny sees Jason in the morning and he asked her if she likes him on that day. Bethenny says they don’t like each other, and I cannot imagine what they are doing. They are mean to each other, obnoxious, rude, impatient, and purposely hurtful. Both of them are.
I feel like I just sat through an hour of watching a marriage disintegrate, and it is upsetting. I don’t think Bethenny has any idea what she is doing. She has broken this man and sadly he may in fact be the only man that will put up with her crap. Although it appears perhaps he’s done.
I can’t tell if they are done and the show is scripting the end of her marriage, or if they are living happily ever after and this is the scripted darkness before the light. Either way it is an unfortunate documentation to leave for their child. Neither Bethenny or Jason are keeping it real.
March 5, 2012 | 9:18 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Last week was explosive and exciting, but this week fizzled out. Many people thought I was too harsh on Lisa Lampanelli last week and that’s cool. I wasn’t, but it’s cool. My opinions on a few people changed this week, which is the best part of reality television. You can go from being a huge fan to not so much in a week. I love this show, think it’s a good cast, and after week three I am still firmly pulling for Teresa and Penn.
This week starts with Penn giving his winnings to his charity of choice, Opportunity Village. He cried, I cried, and we are reminded why this show is so great. I had never heard of this charity, but they now have a fan and supporter in me. The power of television is a great thing. Gotti is out, and we are back on task with the celebs making two live window displays for Ivanka Trump’s clothing line. Not too exciting.
The men pick George as project manager because he’s gay and apparently that makes him a genius when it comes to fashion. Over with the women, Teresa wants to do it, but Diana steps in and says she wants to do it. Big mouthed Aubrey says she thinks Diana should do it, and then the team goes with her. Teresa backed down and was classy so good on her. I think it was a bitchy team move and think Aubrey is a tool.
Debbie Gibson annoys the hell out of me and while I get Clay is a sweet man, he seems a little bitchy to me. He used the confessional camera as an opportunity to be a little mean, which is too bad. I like him, and his fans have let me know he’s a doll, but still, he’s coming across as not so nice to me. George is in over his head and it’s sweet. He’s 400 years old, a little slower than the other men, and you know he’ll be fired.
Somebody needs to tell Arsenio that wearing a suit with a baseball hat looks ridiculous. George is lovely, Adam is trying too hard to be funny, everyone is ignoring Lou, and Penn is my new favorite on the men’s team. Dee heads out to get his finger checked and it turns out he needs surgery. He goes under the knife and it’s brutal, but good for him. The men seem to have a better idea than the girls, but it’s early.
Debbie wants to be one of the models and is told she it too old which was hilarious, and Lou is just not coming across well here. He is sweet, and clearly being blown off by his team, but he’s the Hulk and acting more like a baby. Lisa was a total bitch last week and has shut the hell up this week. She is playing it safe which is good because she turned off a lot of people last week, including myself. Good for her.
Arsenio is taking over the dressing of the windows because he thinks his gay team members are missing the fashion gene. Penn suggests they use twins so both their windows have the same models, sort of. Eric Trump comes to see the men’s team and even though Clay has a smile on his face, he is mean about George. If someone is killing you, just because they smile while they do it, does not make them a nice guy. Clay is sweet but mean.
Sidebar: I’m a little bored. Last week was really exciting and this week is dragging by. Nothing interesting is happening, the task is boring, and I find myself wanting to skip the task and go straight to the boardroom. There are missing pictures for the women, and sign mounting issues for the men. No matter how much dramatic music they give us, this is not dramatic. Important to note that Aubrey needs to put on a bra.
The task is over and George is stumbling though his presentation. He is so damn cute but he’s getting fired and it’s sad because he is truly tied to his charity which is so important to him. I can’t listen to him and am jumping to the women. The women’s presentation is annoying so I am going to skip over that one too and go to boardroom. In the boardroom it’s time for Diana to stumble on her words. I’m about done.
Teresa looks beautiful, Debbi looks weird, Aubrey likes the sound of her own voice, and for some reason everyone thinks Lisa is one of the best human beings on the planet. I don’t get these chicks. I don’t think any of them like each other for real and their fake love is a load of crap. Dee is back, having had surgery and it’s cool. It’s time to sell each other out and Clay says George was great, but Eric calls him out for laughing at George.
Clay back peddles and tries to make himself look like a nice guy, but there is a bitch factor to Clay that even the Trumps see. Listening to George is painful. He talks slowly and calmly and I love his voice, but the end is near, being dragged out, and once again I cannot help but describe this week as boring. Ivanka loved it all, blah, blah, blah, the women win, and we still have 30 minutes to watch, knowing George will get canned.
Seriously Trump? Another 30 minutes of silliness just to get to George getting the boot? If they are going to do a boring task, then make the show an hour. There was nothing of interest here and I feel like I wasted my time. I could have watched the first 10 minutes, and the last 10 minutes, and not missed anything. Next week looks like it will be better so we’ll see. I love you Trump, but let’s cut the crap and keep it real.
March 4, 2012 | 6:25 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Next week will mark the debut of Ryan Seacrest’s newest reality show, “Shahs of Sunset”. I am a lover of reality television and I am excited about this one. I live in LA, have some Persian friends, and this will be a fun romp. They seem cool, with just the right amount of fluff to make them both ridiculous and endearing. That said, I’m not Persian so I don’t take this show personally. Some are Jews, but here Persian trumps Jewish.
I often write about how frustrating it is to have no cool Jews on reality television. The Jewish reality stars are always obnoxious, mean, stupid, or just plain weird. As a Jew I am offended by who is chosen to represent my tribe on television, especially when I know so many cool Jews. I imagine it was those same feelings about Persians that inspired the article by GINA NAHAI here at The Jewish Journal. She is Persian, and she is pissed off.
The article by Nahai is harsh and has offended some of the stars of Shahs of Sunset. I don’t mind the harsh tone of her piece as I too have been told my writing is harsh. Harsh to some is passionate to others, so it’s all good, but her piece goes beyond being harsh, it’s personal. What I don’t understand is why she writes the show is fake and scripted, yet she is worried these bad, fake actors are going to matter to America.
She calls the cast of Shahs of Sunset, unattractive, unsophisticated, and unproductive. She is very annoyed that this group is representing her people and so my advice to Ms. Nahai would be to relax. Don’t say in one sentence that this shows does not matter because it’s fake and silly reality television, then get your panties in a twist that these people are going to shape how the world sees the Iranian American population of Los Angeles.
If Jews were judged solely on how we are depicted on reality television, we might as well all change our last names to Smith, ban matzo ball soup in our homes, join a church, and call it a day. It’s just television, and reality television at that. America is not stupid, and we are watching this show for entertainment, not to learn about Iran, or what is means to be of Persian decent. I can assure Ms. Nahai that nobody is taking this show as seriously as she is.
The main characters of Shahs of Sunset are party girl MJ, her openly gay best friend Reza, and artist Asa who dates outside her race and religion, There is sleazy but loveable Sammy, Mike the handsome guy, and GG, the Persian Princess. They seem like nice people to me. They are harmless and simply milking their opportunity at 15 minutes of reality television fame. They will be over the top because it is a requirement of their job.
In the world of reality television, being a caricature can lead to big money. Just ask Snooki. These people are not stupid. Unlike Nahai, they get it, are playing the game, and laughing all the way to the bank. The concept of this show was sold long before it was cast. They wanted a show about this group of people, and these are who they chose, so let’s not punish the cast for living the American dream of fame and fortune.
In her attempt to fight stereotypes of her people, Nahai has stereotyped her people. She is concerned with how they will portray Persians to America, yet her article paints her as uptight and bitter. Is that a better representation? Let’s wait for the show to air before we pick a side to mock them or love them. There will be lots to reason to love and hate them, but none of those reasons will be because they are Persian.
I reached out to Reza, the openly gay, painfully stereotyped, and simply fabulous cast member about the article Nahai wrote and he gave the following quote: “I hope that people will watch the show because of the friendships, family bonds & the love we have for our culture/heritage. PERIOD. Shahs of Sunset might actually humanize a minority group that is usually portrayed as evil, demonic and hated.”
The cast members were offended, hurt and surprised by Nahai’s article. They are all expecting to be attacked on some level because that is the nature of the game, but for such an attack to come from within their community, from a woman who knows their struggles, is hurtful. As Nahai says, it’s just reality television, so lets cut them some slack. I think they are in for a lot of attacks, but Nahai’s really hurt.
I will be watching Shahs of Sunset when it premiers next week, and my blog recaps might be harsh. By might be of course I mean they will be harsh. That’s how reality television works. You agree to put your life out there for us to see, and we get to say whatever we want. I will think they are divine and insane because that is reality television. The nice thing to do is keep my opinions to myself until the show airs. That’s keeping it real.
February 29, 2012 | 9:38 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I love this show and I love this cast. Last week Cheryl Tiegs got fired. It was sad because she never should have been hired. She was too nice to go up against these sharks and they ate her alive. This week we learned that Victoria Gotti was not a tough as her name, and Lisa Lampanelli is a classless bitch. There is a reason nobody knows who she is.
The week start with Gotti pissed off the women are acting like bitches and not uniting as a team. She is pissed at everyone, especially Lampanelli, who threw her under the bus and was annoyed Gotti called her kids during their task. Clearly Lampanelli has no kids and does not get it. She is a filthy comic, not nice, and I’m over her.
The task is putting on a show at Medieval Times. James Lipton is the guest judge. He’s a hoot and it will be fun to watch him suck up to Trump. That’s what he does, and he does it brilliantly. The men chose Penn as their team leader and the women go with Lampanelli. From the moment they announce team leaders you know the men will win.
The winning team gets $40K, and Adam Corolla is off this week because of a scheduling conflict. Lisa is the boss and comes out of the gate as a bulldozer. She is rude and has no people skills. She decides the ladies will do a spoof of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Teresa Guidice is on the team and you know there is a table flip coming.
Sidebar: These chicks are wearing their own clothes and I must say I don’t get what Aubrey or Debbie Gibson are wearing. Aubrey looks like she got dressed in the dark and Gibson looks like she pulled an all nighter, as a hooker, and strolled in to do the task. I suggest they each get a stylist to help them out. Not cute.
The men are working as a team, all is well, and they have Peen who is tailor made for this task. There is no tension, just a bunch of guys doing their jobs, and remembering to have fun. The chicks are fighting and Lampanelli is losing her mind. She is yelling at the women and it’s embarrassing. Be embarrassing of course I mean hilarious.
The men are all trying to look smart so we respect them and think they are just regular folk, and Lisa is working hard to show us exactly why we don’t know who she is, and why we don’t need to bother searching for her on Google. This chick is a train wreck and you realize quickly that her act is about people laughing at her, not with her.
James Lipton checks in on the men and reports back they are going with a comedy routine, and Donald trump Jr. checks on the women and reports that the housewife concept is brilliant. Lampanelli throws Gotti under the bus to Trump Jr. which is crappy, and Teresa is super cute and rolling with the punches on the Real Housewives theme.
Lou Ferrigno is sweet, but taking the jousting too seriously. The men are getting annoyed a bit, but being nice and not getting into it. Back with the women, Gotti does not want to do anything, which is lame, but Lampanelli is using every opportunity to talk badly about her. Granted Gotti is useless, but no need to embarrass her.
Gotti is cranky and thinks she should go play with the men. Whatever. Lampanelli is blowing smoke up her ass by telling her she is important as the stage manager, but the fact is Lampanelli cut her out of the task completely and she is rightfully pissed off. Lampanelli wanted to be the boss and so she took out the competition.
Over with the men, George Takei is adorable and you can’t not like him, but apparently Clay Aiken did not get that memo. Clay is a schmuck and even that can’t be hidden behind a sweet southern accent. Dee Snider is in drag, which means all is right in the world, but he hurts his finger and they want him to go to the hospital.
Snider says he will fight through and go to the hospital after the show. The men do their show and it’s cute. They made people laugh, used everyone’s strength and the reason they are famous. Over with the women, it gets off to a bad start and Lampanelli blames Gotti for the glitch, and takes credit for saving the world.
The highlight of the women’s show was Teresa. She was fun, Gibson was sleazy, Gotti was invisible and Lampanelli was disgusting. We’re off to the boardroom to learn who the audience voted the winner. Lampanelli says she is confident they won, but the men also think they won. Before we learn who won, we have to sit through some fighting.
Lampanelli and Gotti go at it. Gotti is hurt, but keeping it in control, speaking calmly, and supporting her leader. I would have lost it on the bitch, but Gotti was kind. Cut to Lipton sucking up to the players and to Trump. It was awesome. Listening to his love fest was expected and divine. I love James Lipton and he did a great job.
We learn that Snider fractured his finger and needs to have a pin put in. That he made it through the show with that kind of pain is crazy. Good for him, but ouch. Trump asks Penn who he’ll bring to the boardroom if they loose and Penn chooses Takei and Ferrigno. Ferrigno loses it and gets pissed off. He takes it personally and Penn feels bad.
Penn should have not bought into Trump’s trap and just been quiet. Lou is still talking and complaining but he needs to shut up before we are over him. Takei is lovely and says he respects Penn’s position. In the end Lou is a baby and Takei is delicious. Lou’s rant should have been saved for when he was fighting to stay, not on a hypothetical.
The boardroom is too long. Trump is turning a scene that should take 10 minutes into 30, and we are reminded this show should be an hour not two. With the women, Lampanelli tells Trump she is bringing Gotti into the boardroom and the fighting begins. These women are embarrassing, don’t fight fair, take it all personally, and are lame.
In the end, after Lipton pulls out his iconic blue cards, we learn the men win. I’m glad they won and it’s a shame Ferrigno got into it with Penn because if they did not, they would have won cleanly with no hurt feelings. Teresa is the star for the women and it’s going to get ugly because Lampanelli will sell her soul, is she has one, to stay.
The women are crazy. Many of the ladies think Lisa should go home as the team leader, but they are not strong enough to speak forcefully. Gotti cries and I am not sure if it’s because she is sad she is about to be fired, or if it’s because she has just realized she has no personality. Either way, it’s worth crying about. Lisa should go home.
Lisa is bitching, complaining about all of them, and I think she is a complete and total bitch. She is vile, rude, inappropriate, abrasive, hurtful, stupid, ridiculous, and not a team player. Lampanelli is going to be the undoing of this team in the long haul so they better figure it out and dump her ass before it’s too late.
Gotti is going home, but let’s talk about the fact that Lisa Lampanelli has been given an opportunity for millions of people to get to know her, and she is using the experience to show America she is a snake. She needs to get fired and go back under the rock where Trump found her. Was I too harsh on Lisa? No, just keeping it real.
February 28, 2012 | 9:24 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
This train wreck is almost over and I cannot wait. Two more weeks until we can say goodbye to ugly haired Ben. All the bachelors have been disappointments, but this guy’s complete and total grossness has been epic. I am certain the ladies who were not picked are watching at home and thanking God they got cut loose by this loser.
The first 15 minutes of the two hour train wreck was spent recapping his time with the three remaining girls. We already watched all this crap so why make us do it again? He has Nicki, who has no shot in hell, Lindzi who is insanely boring, and Courtney who he has already slept with. It’s hard to watch because who cares?
Switzerland is gorgeous and completely wasted on this loser and these poor women. By poor women of course I mean Lindzi and Nicki. Courtney is a snake so she does not count. Sidebar: these dates having nothing to do with real life and when they use a helicopter ride as an analogy for their love affair, I want to throw things at my TV.
Nicki uses the overnight fantasy card with Ben and it’s sad because he knows he is not going to pick her, yet he lets her get naked and touch his junk anyway. Ben is a pig. She is falling all over him, professing her love and dreams, and he could care less. He is looking at her like she is saying blah, blah, blah and wondering when they can make out.
Sidebar: how is it possible that these women look surprised when he gives them the fantasy suite card? They all watch the show, have told us they watch the show, yet they act like they don’t know what is happening. Ben is flattered Nicki took the card which is lame. He is flattered because he knows his hair stinks and can’t believe he gets lucky.
Lindzi pronounces her words in a weird way, and I cannot believe that she has gone through the entire season without brushing her hair. They are doing some extreme sport date, again, and I could care less. I’m skipping over it so I don’t have to hear about how repelling off a ledge is the perfect analogy for their relationship. This show sucks!
Ben and Lindzi are at dinner and she is really very sweet so I hope he does not pick her. She deserves better. She’s a pretty girl and can get a speech therapist to learn how to speak properly, then meet a great guy. She takes the fantasy suite card. Ben and his dirty hair are two for two. How can they stand to smell his hair, let alone touch it?
Courtney and her little girl voice makes me want to cut something. Actually, it makes me want to sneak into their room and cut their hair. Both of them. Courtney is trying to do damage control and backtrack all of her nastiness with the other women. She cries and tells us she feels bad, but is clearly auditioning for a soap opera gig. Good luck with that.
She is almost likeable but has been so horrible for so long, we can’t believe her. Had she been a nice girl we’d be pulling for her but in the end she is a fame whore, and a regular whore, and we could care less. As for her feeling bad about how she treated the other girls, not buying it. She was forced to say that crap by the script supervisor.
Courtney is working it, takes the fantasy card, and will sleep with Ben again. He is clearly picking her and it’s creepy. He tells her he is falling in love with her, and she is scrambling to fix it. She takes blame, says it’s all her, and if he is believing her then his unwashed hair is rotting into his scalp and eating away at his common sense. Ben is really dumb.
Sidebar: We spend time with new bachelorette Emily and I cannot stand it. She is truly beautiful, but beyond boring. There is no sex appeal or personality with this girl. She does some lame scenes with Ali and Ashley, who were the two most annoying bachelorettes ever, so why are they there? I am skipping over this entire pile of crap.
Kacie B. is back to beg Ben to explain why he did not pick her and it’s humiliating. She is ridiculous and I feel bad for her. She is totally embarrassing herself and I am willing her to get the hell out of there and just move on. Her voice is delayed, they have no chemistry, he could care less, and I want to help her somehow. A truly horrible moment.
Ben is talking to Chris and I am now half a bottle in. Chris is useless on this show, Ben’s hair is mocking me, and his fake distress is lame. This show is out of control and these two last weeks are going to be painful. I am skipping over the Chris and Ben recap because it’s boring. The first rose goes to Lindzi and the second to the skank.
Nicki is sent packing and tells Ben she wants the best for him, which in Bachelorese translates to “You are a douchebag and I can’t believe I wasted my time here. Plus, you need to wash your hair pig.” Next week is the Women Tell All special, then we will have a winner. We’re almost there people! Two more weeks of these people not keeping it real.
February 28, 2012 | 8:23 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
The best thing about the end of the Bachelor, besides the fact that it is finally over, is that it’s Dancing With The Stars season. I dig this show and thought last years was excellent in terms of celebrity contestants. The new cast was announced this morning, and it’s rather disappointing. After I asked who a few times, I transitioned to who cares?
My personal favorites are Gladys Knight for the women and William Levy for the men. I love Tom Bergeron and think Brooke Burke is a dingbat, so that is always fun to watch. I keep waiting for the killer cast to come, and after last season thought they were on their way to greatness, but one again we will watch a only a couple of cool people.
It’s always fun to watch a bunch of people try to tango and rumba into another 15 minutes of fame. Some will be great, some will be desperate, some will be embarrassing, and all will be blogged about. This show is mindless fun and I’m looking forward to it. Before they even take one step on the dance floor, I am on team Gladys Knight.
Presenting the newest cast members of ABC’s Who is that?
Jaleel White – He is Urkel and that’s all he is so this will be fun to watch. I’m guessing it takes 3 weeks for them to put him in an Urkel outfit.
Gavin DeGraw – He’s a singer, but not really one that puts himself out there so people won’t really know about him, or care, so he’ll go quickly.
Jack Wagner – He’s been around forever and he will stay for as long as it takes for Heather Locklear to show up then we will send him home. She would have been the better contestant.
William Levy – This is the Cuban Brad Pitt, absolutely gorgeous, and better stay around at least until h takes his shirt off, at least a dozen times.
Donald Driver – He is a football player for the greatest team in America, the Green Bay Packers, so I hope he is good and sticks around.
Katherine Jenkins – She is an opera singer. Okay. See ya Katherine.
Sherri Shepherd – The View star has wanted to do this show for a long time and will have massive fan support, so we’ll be seeing her for a while whether she can dance or not.
Melissa Gilbert – For reasons I cannot explain, she bugs me. I’m sure she is hoping to follow in the footsteps of Jennifer Grey. She is nostalgic, but interesting.
Roshon Fegan – Obligatory Disney kid. Who cares?
Maria Menounos – She may be the most annoying woman on television. I will vote for Gilbert just so she does not make it through.
Martina Navratilova – Tennis superstar and icon. From the dresses to the dancing, I’m guessing it will be rather humiliating.
Gladys Knight – Motown Goddess and legend. I like this woman and hope she can cut a rug as well as she cuts a record. Go Gladys!
I will be blogging about this show and I look forward to talking about the hits and misses. There will be more misses than hits, but perhaps we’ll be surprised and there will be some greatness. At the very least we can talk about how dumb Brooke is, how brilliant tom is, how desperate Melissa is, and how dancing for 15 minutes is keeping it real.