Posted by Ilana Angel
We start off this week in Philadelphia with Renee who has brought her fashion line to Alicia’s boutique so she can sell them. The boutique is cute in a strip mall kind of way and Renee’s shoes remind me of the episode of Sex and the City where the friend designed handbags after a break up and used a bed spread, plastic fruit, and a glue gun to create masterpieces. God bless Renee for working so hard, but no.
In some scenes I think Alicia looks like Catherine Zeta Jones. Very pretty girl. Her husband is in federal custody as he awaits sentencing. Listening to her recount the say the Feds came to arrest them is fascinating. It sounds like something out of a Hollywood movie, not real life. I think these women are brave and regardless of how one views their lifestyle, or what the men in their lives do, they are mothers whose hearts breaks the same as ours.
Cut to Big Ang and Drita who are getting massages and pedicures. They are concerned about Natalie, the new girl who is the “face” of Renee’s clothing and shoe line. I love me some Big Ang and would like to be friends with Drita if I weren’t so scared of her. Natalie is apparently a big drinker and they worry about her being around Renee who is sober. I love their accents and their vocabulary. I really do like these very interesting women.
Drita has a stalker and she is ready to kick his ass. He sounds scary to me, but Drita is not scared of anything. I love her. Renee sends a message inviting Big Ang and Drita to have lunch with her and Natalie. Big Ang does not want to go because Natalie is trouble. Over to Natalie, she is out for dinner with her boyfriend London. He is cute. She is pissed off at Drita for talking about her behind of her back instead of to her face.
Natalie is ready to fight with Drita. Big Mistake. Sidebar: I had no idea Philly and Staten Island were so close that these chicks could hang out. Alicia and Drita are out walking together. Alicia is heartbroken that she did not know about her husband’s double life. It is sad. Alicia is turning to Drita for advice and I feel sad for her. Organized crime or not, betrayal of any kind is crushing to a woman and hard to forgive.
We are at Drita’s store and learn the stalker has been by again. I love when Drita talks about knocking someone around. She is fabulous. Drita calls Lee and it is as if she has Tony Soprano on the phone. Drita wants the stalker to feel the same fear as her workers do and she knows “violence is not the answer, but it is.” You can’t make up this stuff. In a sea of scripted reality television these chicks are authentic in a way no others are.
Time for Drita to have lunch with Natalie and Renee. Big Ang does not go. Natalie is pissed about Drita talking about her and ready to go. Renee is surprised by how pissed Natalie is, but also entertained by the fact Natalie has no idea who she is dealing with when it comes to Drita. Natalie is very aggressive and Drita wants to F her up. Natalie is in over her head I think. That said, I am now also scared of Natalie. Maybe I shouldn’t blog this.
Back to Alicia, she is listening to hours of taped phone conversations of her and her husband by the Feds. We meet her brother Anthony who seems lovely, until we hear that he went to strip clubs with her husband. I hate to say again, because it is my only source of reference, this is like watching the Sopranos, only real. I feel sad for Alicia and in the end I am now scared of her too. I might not be able to blog this show anymore. I’m freaked out.
Renee and Drita are with Big Ang talking about the lunch with Natalie and all the talking behind her back. Big Ang tells Renee Natalie is a troublemaker and she is fed up with her already. Renee asks the ladies to be nice and give her a chance, but is also going to warn Natalie to behave herself. Natalie was clearly added to stir the pot, which is great, but she is not that likeable so it may backfire. She needs to be put in her place as a newbie.
Renee has gone to see Natalie in Philly to teach her a few things. Natalie says she does not want anyone to pass judgment on her without knowing her first. Well maybe reality TV is not the way to go then. Renee is taking the Momma Bear position and trying to help the young girl along but her ego is getting in the way of her listening. Renee is nipping it all in the bud and telling Natalie to come to the table clean and start over with the girls.
Alicia is visiting with Natalie at her work, the funeral parlor. In listening to the wiretaps, Alicia learns that her husband Eddie is friends with Renee’s friend Carla Marino, even though he promised he would end the friendship. Alicia is spinning out of control as she learns that everything she thought about her life is not true. Alicia is going to confront Renee about it. Big mistake. Don’t ask questions you are not prepared to hear the answer to.
Jumping back to Drita’s store, she is installing a security system because of her stalker. As she is talking to the security guy, the stalker shows up. Drita lets him know she is not pleased, and he runs away. Quite funny really. Back with Alicia, she is asking Renee about Carla and her having lunch with Eddie. No good can come of this. Alicia is asking Renee why she didn’t tell her and Renee is not having it. She is not ratting out anyone.
I find this show to be fascinating, but at the same time I feel like I shouldn’t be watching it. It feels dangerous, intimidating, and forbidden. Blogging this show actually makes me a little uncomfortable. I am not sure I will keep blogging Mob Wives, but I am certain I'll keep watching. These women are giving us good TV and when it comes to reality, this may the only show that is telling the truth, burning the scripts, and keeping it real.
12.12.13 at 9:43 pm | I might be too intimidated to blog this show. . .
12.10.13 at 8:55 am | Carlton can stay, Joyce should go.
12.8.13 at 9:55 pm | Momma Joyce is all kinds of crazy.
12.7.13 at 8:49 am | What the hell is Bravo giving us?
12.7.13 at 7:29 am | I'm not going to lie, these women and the men. . .
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire.
12.10.13 at 8:55 am | Carlton can stay, Joyce should go. (1740)
10.25.13 at 4:32 pm | At what point does a person's well being trump. . . (1584)
10.13.13 at 6:35 pm | One minute in and I am already overwhelmed by the. . . (1556)
December 10, 2013 | 8:55 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
We start this week with Brandi who is with some girlfriends talking about sex for her new book. It is racy, over the top, and not really my cup of tea. I love ballsy women who are unafraid of their sexuality, but this is silly to me and edited in a way that makes Brandi look like a freak, which I think is unfortunate. I’m not interested in the scene nor do I like being choked. Ugh.
The ladies are off to Palm Springs as a scripted way for Joyce to get some camera time. The truth is the show has been on for weeks and Joyce is giving us nothing, so this is more about Joyce than a bonding weekend for women who clearly don’t like each other. No good can come of this, but we are addicts, so we watch.
Everyone is shopping and packing for the trip. Joyce is in her closet with a friend and a stylist. She talks about how she loves shopping and styling her own outfits, yet she has a stylist. My first impression is that she is pretentious and a liar. She talks about how she hates to leave her kids, which we will come back to later because I have something to say about that.
We jump to Kim who is shopping with her daughter and I am sorry to say that there is nothing interesting about her. She is sweet and I like her, but there is no story here, has not been for a while, and I don’t get why she is still on the show. I think it is bad for her, bad for her “sobriety”, and between her kids and her dog I am bored. Bless her. I wish her well.
Off to Kyle, she is shopping with Carlton, which is ridiculous. These two would never shop together. Some salesperson is licking Kyle’s ass about how great her ass looks and it is lame. Carlton calls out Kyle for being rude to her and Kyle blows it all off with excuses, pretending to be mortified she hurt her. Kyle is a manipulative, vindictive, lying, simple, mean girl.
Joyce picks up Kim and Kyle as they are going to Palm Springs in one car. The Richards sisters look like munchkins next to Joyce. Brandi and Yolanda are going in one car, and Lisa and Carlton are going in another car. Really? They should have all gone in one car but couldn’t because they all hate each other and fighting for camera time, would have been confusing.
The three separate car rides are a waste of time and offensive to the intelligence of the viewers. They arrive in Palm Springs to shoot their commercial for Colony 29 and I am laughing at the obvious suck up for a free weekend. There are 4 bedrooms in the main house, and 7 women, so it is going to be a mean girl bed hunt which is embarrassing to all women.
Kyle, Kim, and Joyce are in the main house and the others will have to fend for themselves in the maid’s quarters. Lisa incorrectly assumes she arrived first and is then disappointed to learn she ddi not. Sidebar: Kyle has gorgeous hair, unless she is standing next to Joyce. Then she has flat, greasy, boring hair. That must seriously piss her off. I can’t stand Kyle.
Sidebar: The commercial with Kyle and Mauricio for Jeep makes me want to impale myself with my remote control. It is 120 degrees in Palm Springs so the ladies are off to the pool. I have never understood high heels at a pool, but here they all come in ridiculous shoes and bathing suits. They all have long hair but nobody has put their hair up off their neck.
Brandi keeps calling Joyce Jacqueline because Joyce does not look like a Joyce because it is a Grandma’s name. It is pissing Joyce off and things are going to get ugly quick. The first round of drinks has been served and it is on. Nobody wants to get in the pool and I am laughing at these women. It is 120 degrees but they are all uptight about showing their bodies.
Brandi and Carlton finally go in the water. Carlton has a F-You tattoo which I LOVE. She also has a Wicca Star tattoo on her foot, which becomes a topic of conversation. Lisa and Yolanda are asking respectful questions, while the Richards morons and Joyce sit in judgment of things they do not understand. Then Joyce shows us what a complete dumbass she is.
Joyce says she has a God that is more powerful than any witch in the world and calls Carlton silly. This is why we have wars and are ruled by hate. Ignorance. Faith matters and whatever your beliefs are, it does not change the strength of your faith. Joyce is a bitch. Know it. She is very concerned with how she looks and not at all concerned with what she says.
Brandi is talking about her kiss with Carlton and I’m bored. Joyce refuses to go in the pool and for some reason it pisses everyone off. There is serious nudging to get her in the water and Yolanda thinks she cannot go in until the hostess does. So stupid. Joyce does not want to get her hair wet and will not go in the water. Oh. My. God. It is boiling hot, get in the pool!
Brandi makes a comment that Joyce won’t go in the pool because she is a black person. She was referring to black women not wanting to get their hair wet and therefore avoid swimming. Joyce is offended as a black woman, because all Puerto Ricans are part black apparently. For the love of God, someone make this train wreck stop. Brandi is not a racist.
Kyle acts as if Brandi has killed someone and Joyce is fit to be tied by the racism. It was not racist and it was not funny. Brandi says stupid stuff all the time, not because she is stupid, or a racist, but because she is unfiltered. When she says silly things she is a target and people go after her. It is a shame and frankly getting old. Don’t like her? Who cares?
I think Joyce is a puppet for Kyle and she is out to talk crap about Brandi on Kyle’s behalf because Kyle blames Brandi for fueling the story about her husband cheating. These women are out of line. Earlier Joyce said she hates to leave her children. Really? Imagine what it is like to have your children leave you for half of their lives as they visit their father.
These women are quick to throw Brandi under the bus and refuse to take her situation into account. Brandi has no choice but to leave her children, sometimes with a psychotic, drunk has been singer, and that is painful. I am sick of these women hating on a woman for things she says, which are not funny, but also not malicious. Brandi is not mean, but these chicks are.
It is time for dinner and Joyce hopes they can all move past the racism. Yolanda is clearly bothered by Joyce’s lack of hostess experience. Two minutes into dinner and Brandi has called Joyce Jacqueline again. Brandi is a little sloshed and Joyce is annoyed that Brandi is mocking her name because she was bullied in school because of her name. For fuck’s sake.
I am sick of these women calling each other bullies. Teasing someone for their name is not bullying. Lisa tries to stick up for Brandi, Kyle tries to stick up for Joyce, Kim makes no sense, Yolanda is not clear why it is being made a big deal, and Brandi is having another drink. This whole thing is much ado about nothing and a silly reason to gang up on Brandi.
The fact is that people either love or hate Brandi and she is an easy target for some of these ladies as they can rally Brandi’s haters to be their supporters. I am sick of it. I think Brandi Glanville is lovely. She is a wild card, loose cannon, unfiltered, shotgun, and really good television. She brings laughter and shock to an otherwise boring group of hags.
By hags of course I mean Kyle Richards. I like these women, I like this show, I like Brandi, I like Carlton, I like Yolanda, and I these bitches need to grow up and realize that we are watching now, but that does not mean we will always watch. They are heading into Jersey with all this backstabbing and hate and we will check out faster than they can count to ten.
Important to note that I am not sure all these women can count to ten so we may be watching longer than we think, but the point is that Bravo better be careful how they edit this show because we are an unforgiving audience and much smarter and more sophisticated then they give us credit for. Just when I think it can’t get worse, Joyce is talking about her new show.
She is in some show about Siberia, and nobody cares, except for Kyle, who needs Joyce to gang up on Brandi. Brandi is still calling Joyce Jacqueline, and is now sloshed. Joyce is trying to be a lady, Kyle is excited to watch Brandi fall, and I want to smack people. Kyle brings up her issue with Yolanda and that they need to talk alone, not in the group. I can’t stand Kyle.
Joyce refers to Yolanda as an ”older lady” and I am now laughing at how stupid this chick is. Kyle is starting trouble, Kim is zoned out, Lisa is keeping quiet, Brandi is letting loose, Yolanda is standing up for herself, and Carlton is wondering why she bothered to get on the train. Kyle calls Brandi and Yolanda a gang. Kyle needs a kick in her ass. I’ll do it!
Kyle makes a point of saying there are teams and I seriously want to sit this woman down and explain how a few things work. This woman is immature and silly and the root of a lot of problems on this show. Next week will be more drama and I am in. I am cutting Brandi some slack, grossed out by Joyce, loving Carlton, and waiting for Kyle to start keeping it real.
December 8, 2013 | 9:55 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
We start this week at Kandi’s house as she looks through wedding books with her friend/assistant Carmon, who is he woman Momma Joyce thinks Todd is sleeping with. Kandi doesn’t look good in the episode, but in the interview she looks stunning. Carmon is mad Momma Joyce is talking crap about her. I’m not sure what I think about Carmon, but I think Todd is a sweet man. He is pushing Kandi to stand up to her mom more.
Kandi is clearly a little scared and intimidated by her mom, which is sad to watch. Cut to Nene, she is visiting with her friends Chuck and Mynique. I love that Nene is so tall and still wears heels. I love Nene but she is dialing it in this season. Without her shows to talk about and rub in everyone’s faces, she is quiet. She makes a point of telling us Chuck slept with Kandi and was serviced by Phaedra in high school.
Nene says Phaedra had a reputation in high school of giving oral sex and while it was funny, not particularly nice. Not sure why Nene is mad at Phaedra, but something is not kosher for her to say such a thing. Over to Phaedra, Apollo tells her he is sorry. Again. Phaedra has been horrible to him but today I am getting it. She looks sad and embarrassed and I feel for her. They kiss and make up and I find myself very happy for them.
We head to The Kandi Factory where everyone is joining in for an exercise class. This scripted crap bothers me. I get pissed off when Bravo treats us like we are dumb. This is fake, we know it, move on. Nene, Kenya, Cynthia and Phaedra join the party along with some assorted friends. Porsha is not there and we learn she is in the hospital because she fainted. They call to check in and the fake concern is laughable. These women are actresses.
Nene suggests a girl’s weekend in Savannah. Everyone agrees to go, even though their last group trip did not go well. Time for class where everyone is dressed in workout clothes except for Cynthia, who is dressed for a disco. She looks cute, but ridiculous. Kenya makes fun of Phaedra’s body but I think she looks great. Kenya is a whack job and as she does her GWTW fabulous spin, I wonder what kind of music plays in her head.
We are now with Cynthia’s daughter Noelle and Noelle's father Leon. They are talking about her boyfriend and sex and I just can’t. I am mortified for this little girl, disgusted that Cynthia would use her daughter for a storyline, and am not going to comment on it other than to say if this is all Cynthia has to talk about then she needs to go. She is lovely, but boring as can be and it is time for her to walk away. By walk away of course I mean get kicked out.
Cut to Porsha, she is in the drug store with her sister talking about her fainting spell. This lovely and harmless young woman is incredibly dumb. Bless her. I’m kind of over her and unless she starts giving us something soon I will check out on her. She agrees to go on the Savannah trip. Porsha is very beautiful and I feel for her heartache but the blood pressure, death, funeral thing is just too much stupid for me to handle. Seriously.
Time for Kenya to go on a walk with her Aunt Laurie. Kenya wears the ugliest lipstick colors and I don’t think she washes her hair. She is talking about having babies with her African Prince. Dear Lord. I get emails from Africa all the time asking for my banking info as I have been named in the will of someone, and I wonder if the guy who writes me is Kenya’s new man. Maybe she got the same email and actually wrote him back? She’s that dumb.
Kenya tells us she has some infertility issues and needs to focus on a baby because she does not want to force a relationship too fast. She doesn’t want another Walter situation. I personally don’t think there is an African Prince at all. Kenya talks of her mother abandoning her and she cries a classic Kenya cry. I feel for her and cannot imagine what the rejection from her mother feels like. Poor girl. She is all kind of messy and crazy.
We finish up this week with Kandi, who is trying on wedding dresses with Carmon, her mother, and other assorted friends and family. Carmon is waiting for a fight and Momma Joyce is ready to give her one. Joyce is not there for one minute before she starts dumping all over Todd. Carmon tells her it is terrible for her to say such a thing, Joyce says Carom is banging Todd, and it is on. Kandi walks out in a wedding dress as the fight breaks out.
There is a women’s prison vibe to the fight and it is embarrassing. Momma Joyce is aggitated and so worried she will not get all of Kandi’s money she has done lost her mind. These women are sucking the joy out of a special day for Kandi and it is heartbreaking. Joyce is cussing, taking off her shoes to throw at Carmon, and Kandi is the warden of bridal prison. I am uncomfortable watching this tension and feel sorry for Kandi.
At the same time I am pissed at Kandi that she is unwilling and unable to stand up to her mother. She is a grown woman, a mother herself, and she is allowing her mother to disrespect not only Todd, but her. Momma Joyce is treating her daughter like an ATM and Kandi needs to give her a kick in the ass. I had a few more things to say but as I’m writing this I am watching WWHL and Kandi is crying about her mom and my heart aches for her.
Kandi told Andy that her mother has taken care of her for her entire life and now she is going to take care of her mom. She said she does not care what people say or think because at the end of the day that is her Momma and whether they are talking or not does not matter because she loves her. It was touching and kind and I have nothing but respect for Kandi. She is a lovely girl, I wish her the best ,and know she is keeping it real.
December 7, 2013 | 8:49 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Bravo premiered two new reality shows this week. Neither one is worth blogging, and only one is worth watching. By worth watching of course I mean watching it will be an opportunity to laugh at strangers while being grateful you are not a fame whoring douchebag. 100 Days of Summer is set in Chicago and follows around a group of educated and working people who in the end are an older and better put together bunch of Vanderpump Rules skanks.
They tried to do this show is Dallas and the only one to survive that crap fest was Courtney, but we’ll come back to her in a minute. In Chicago we have Jay, the successful gay man looking for love. Pascale is the pretty girl who is going to bang your boyfriend. Vince is the man whore who bangs everyone, Phillips is the dingbat who doesn’t get why people think she is dumb, Ray is the ex-football player, and Tara is the super desperate bridesmaid.
I love Chicago so it is fun to see a show set in there. Shame about the cast, but I’m in for now. Vince is a club promoter who likes to date chicks with anorexia. He is not as handsome as he thinks. He has a girlfriend who is unclear that he is a douche. He does however have the best dog ever, Dude. Jay is a good looking guy who is ready for love and looking into having a child on his own and takes his mom to his surrogate meeting. So cute.
Pascale is in Chicago to work on her jewelry line, God help up. Another line to be whored out on our televisions. She is an evil bitch. Phillips has a line of dog clothing and we are reminded, again, these people are here to make bank. She has huge boobs and loves them. Ugh. Tara is a vet, from a rich family, with a sick body. She is desperate and it is uncomfortable to watch. Ray is trying to be an actor and model. He has a girlfriend. For now.
This was just a preview with the real premier happening on January 7th. I will watch because I think it will be fun, but I am not blogging because I just cannot pay enough attention. I might change my mind of course and be forced to write about how these people are humiliating themselves, but for now I will just watch. I can’t tell if these people are actually friends or were put together in a casting call for fame whores. Time will tell.
Cut to the next new show, Courtney Loves Dallas. For the love of God why does this woman have her own show? She is beyond annoying and her voice alone is enough to make me impale myself. She is a fashion blogger and I am 15 minutes in and she has said nothing interesting. She tries to be funny, but is not. Tries to be cool about being single, but is not. She has nothing in common with her friends and this show is not worth our time.
I cannot watch this show. I cannot even get through the first episode. I just can’t. She talks too fast, about nothing, and I am bored. By bored of course I mean this show should never have been made. Courtney Loves Dallas is not worth watching and 100 Days of Summer is worth watching, but I’m predicting I will make it though two episodes before I walk away. I love Bravo but they are giving us garbage and not keeping it real.
December 7, 2013 | 7:29 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Mob Wives is back and all you need to watch is the first minute to be hooked. The opening graphics are of wine glasses colliding and exploding and that is the perfect introduction to this season. Carla and Karen are gone, Big Ang is now a featured player, along with Renee and Drita and two new girls Alicia and Natalie. These women are fascinating, funny, and let’s be clear, scary as hell. I am intimidated by them and at the same time inspired by the size of their balls. I’m glad they’re back and happy to blog.
The season starts with Renee who is living with her son AJ and working on her shoe and clothing line. She looks great, is still sober, and her ex is still in prison for ratting out her dad. Cut to Big Ang, she is simply great television. Not sure what new work she has had done, but it is time to stop. I freaking love her. Over to Drita, her husband is out of prison and they are back together. I am glad she took him back. It is good for her kids. These three are the original girls coming back for another season.
They are off to Philadelphia for a 1920’s themed costume party of a girl named Alicia, who is a friend of Renee, and who’s husband has been pinched by the Feds and is awaiting sentencing. How great is it I can write pinched by the Feds and have it be about real life not a movie? I love this show. Big Ang shares there is a lot of bad blood between Karen and Alicia’s families. Juicy. Alicia’s husband is in prison with Renee’s dad, and Alicia pled guilty to her own charges and is awaiting her sentencing.
Ang, Drita, and Renee are together chatting about life and Ang says her husband wants to have a baby. She is 53, but her husband is only 40, and he wants a child so she is considering it. Oy vey. Renee is doing a casting call to find a model to be the face of her Mob Candy line. Her casting call is hilarious. These chicks are models? Alicia suggests her friend Natalie, and there you have our other new girl. Brilliant job of tying it all together. Alicia calls Natalie a mini Renee so no good can come of that.
Drita calls Lee and tells him their daughter is being bullied at school. He wants to break some legs and I’m in. Nobody messes with my kid. Sidebar: the soundtrack on this show is the best. Alicia is in NYC visiting her husband so she stops by to see the ladies. Alicia says she does not know anything about her husband’s mob life and was in the dark on all of his activities. Alicia then drops the bomb that her husband’s father was murdered by Karen’s dad Sammy the Bull. Oh. My. God. I just can’t.
This show is crazy. Alicia says Karen’s dad is a serial killer, having allegedly called for 19 people to be murdered. Alicia hates Karen, the girls are friends with Karen, and no good can come of this. Back to Renee, she is doing her photo shoot with Natalie, whose family owns a funeral home. Alicia tells Renee she is disgusted with Karen, but Renee sticks by Karen. Everyone has now stuck by Karen and Alicia’s attempts to stir crap up is not working. Natalie is interesting but she’s going to cause problems.
Time for lunch with Drita, Big Ang, and Natalie. Natalie gets drunk, is a bit kooky, and Big Ang is looking at her like she’s a nut job and it is perfect. Big Ang and Drita are not fans, not impressed, and lunch it over as soon as Natalie starts eating off the plate of Big Ang. This chick is going to be messy and that is good TV. Drita and Big Ang are nervous for Renee that Crazy is the face for her brand. Speaking of which, it is time for the big Mob Candy launch. I hope it goes well for Renee.
The fashion show is interesting. Some of the shoes are gorgeous, but I didn’t really get the clothes. Alicia has problems with a woman named Carla who used to date her husband Eddie. Alicia is going to get old real fast if she is going to complain about everyone on Staten Island. Natalie trips on her way off the runway, and everyone is on her for being a mess. These chicks are harsh. I am reinvested in this show. Mob Wives are scary but when it comes to reality TV they are keeping it real.
December 3, 2013 | 10:31 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
When Real Housewives of Beverly Hills first started I was not a fan of Lisa Vanderpump. I thought she was pretentious and didn’t quite get her sense of humor, which was weird as my Dad was English, I have lived in England, and was raised on BBC comedies. I just didn’t get her, but over the years I grew to think she was quite fabulous and thought her marriage was lovely.
When Vanderpump Rules started I watched, and still do, even though I am too old to relate to these people. They are closer in age to my child than me, but I watch in fascination as these 30 something adults act like they are still in high school. I was married, a mother, and a homeowner at 30 so it is odd to see these people seemingly not have their lives together.
I think Lisa Vanderpump likes being famous, sees herself as the leader of the pack, and takes great pride in being the breakout star of Beverly Hills. From her spin off, to being on Dancing With The Stars, she has arrived. She was not particularly likeable on DWTS, and Vanderpump Rules is scripted and arranged television, but there are still moments she is fabulous.
She is also quite shady, manipulative, and in the end a liar, just like her Vanderpump Rules costar Schaena Marie. If you are willing to spend five minutes on the Internet looking around about the history of these two women you will find out rather quickly they are lying fame whores. Bless them. It’s quite interesting so I thought I would share a video.
Schaena worked at Villa Blanca and when Vanderpump Rules started, Lisa brought her over to SUR. Schaena says she was sleeping with Eddie Cibrian but did not know he was married. In this video from Access Hollywood in 2009, Schaena says she knew Eddie was married but continued to sleep with him after she found out was having another baby with his wife.
He was married, expecting a baby, sleeping with LeAnn Rimes, but Schaena wanted to “have a good summer” and kept on sleeping with him. I find it hard to believer that Lisa did not know this about Schaena, yet played dumb about the whole thing. I believe Lisa knew exactly who Scheana was, used her notoriety to help Vanderpump Rules, and lied to Brandi’s face.
SCHAENA ON ACCESS HOLLYWOOD 4 YEARS AGO:
At the end of the day who cares? These people are doing their thing and I say more power to them. They are making money, getting fame, have lots of fans, and that is all good. I just don’t get how they can all expect to lie and have us not find out. Schaena is a whore. Period. Lisa knew and opted to support Schaena anyway and will not take ownership of it.
I don’t care what people lie about because I am smart and know it is all lies with a touch of reality, not reality with some little white lies. Lisa Vanderpunp or “Vanderc**t as she is commonly referred to on the Internet, is shady. She has been accused of selling stories to the tabloids, using her tabloid relationships to have stories pulled, and it is odd.
Of all the women on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, she is the most successful, beautiful, funny, charming, and overall appealing. It would appear she is also the most fame hungry and has the farthest distance to fall from grace. She had it all. We loved her and thought she was the classy one in a see of not so classy, but in the end she got bit I the ass.
The reality fame bug that ruins lives, kills marriages, damages friendships, and threatens livelihoods has bit Lisa is her rather fabulous arse and rather than take the high road, she is travelling through the reality gutter with her SUR skanks instead of being a lady. It’s just TV and not life altering, but the lying is disrespectful those who watch and enjoy these shows.
On Vanderpump Rules Lisa has a lot of scenes with Schaena that depict their close friendship. I thought she was friends with Brandi? Why befriend a skank? Perhaps Lisa is simply done with Brandi and ready to move on. Joyce looks to be in her sights for a new bestie but that will only last as long as Joyce is on the show, which may not be long. Did Brandi figure Lisa out?
Important to note that I could be totally wrong. One could argue that time will tell, but when it comes to the ladies of reality television even time does not promise truth. If it turns out I am wrong I will say so. Today I believe that Schaena lied, Lisa went along with lie, and it was shady. These women are in it to win it, even if winning requires them to blatantly lie.
I have learned in writing about reality television that not only can you not please everyone, but any opinion that is based in truth and not kissing the ass of someone’s favorite reality star brings a whole lot of crazy out to play. I write my opinion, this post happens to share documented facts, and people will still hate me for it. Some people are simply unable to keep it real.
December 2, 2013 | 7:09 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
We begin this week in Malibu with Yolanda who has her brother and mother visiting as her husband is getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. She really is cute and when her family arrives and they speak in Dutch, joking around with each other, it is lovely. She came from humble beginnings and tells us her father passed when she was 7 and she was determined to take care of her family. It is sweet to see Yolanda with her brother and Mom.
Over to Brandi, she has moved into her new home and is dealing with her two little dogs pooping and peeing on the floor. Sugar and Chica are adorable and when she scolds Chica I was laughing my ass off. She caved quickly and it was really cute. Brandi calls her Mom and tells her she is coming to Sacramento for her Dad’s birthday, but tells us she and her Dad are “on a break” as they are not agreeing with each other at the moment.
Cut to Kyle, even her dog washing clothes are weird. Mauricio comes home and they talk about the rumors of his cheating, on camera, and it is insane. She gets pissed off if anyone even thinks it in her presence, yet she is talking about it. Mauricio thinks Lisa and Brandi are talking crap because they don’t like Kyle. Or, just maybe, they are talking about it because he is cheating and everyone knows it? Who knows and really, who cares?
Jumping to Lisa, she is talking to Ken about the gossip with Kyle as the camera jumps back and forth from Lisa to Kyle. Ken says that he does not think Mauricio has cheated but Lisa disagrees and is a little bitchy about it. In fact, Lisa is a bitchy about a few things and there are some skeletons in her closet that are rearing their ugly heads. I’ll write about those tomorrow in a separate blog, but it would appear she may be a bit shady.
Important to note that when Kyle and Mauricio finish their chat, she kisses him and gets lipstick on his face. She says sorry, he says it is okay because he likes lipstick, “especially hers”. Is it just me or is that hilarious? Of all the chicks he kisses, Kyle’s lipstick is his favorite? I think he is cheating, it is sad, I don’t particularly care, and to quote the divine Mr. Shakespeare, when it comes to Kyle, “the lady doth protest too much, methinks.”
We pick up with Carlton who has taken her cat Midnight to the vet for acupuncture as he fell 18 feet off a railing. I like this chick. The cat does not appear to like acupuncture, but it seems to works, so bless him and her. Seriously, this woman is good TV. Speaking of not good TV, we are back with Kyle who is with Joyce, making lame sexual innuendo jokes, and secretly fantasizing about cutting Joyce’s hair while she is sleeping.
Joyce is going to take all the girls to Palm Springs. Dear Lord. Kyle is talking smack about Lisa and desperately trying to make Joyce like her more. It is disgusting but no surprise since Kyle is disgusting. I think Kyle is inherently mean and not to be trusted. She is immature, selfish, and a little bit dumb. Bless Her. That said, my opinion is based on what I see on the show and I do not know her in real life, but there is nothing real with Kyle.
We finally get to Kim who is out shopping for a graduation dress with her daughter Kimberly. Poor Kim is shooting with kids and dogs. Ugh. Back to Kyle, she is also with her daughters talking about dog poop. Ick. We are jumping back and forth between the shopping and the poop and I am bored. Sidebar: Kyle is not wearing makeup in the kitchen with her kids and she has never looked prettier. Shame about the lipstick though.
Kyle and Kim let us know that neither one of them are educated. Did they actually need to clarify this for us? Not really. Bless them. Lisa and Ken are having dinner with Pandora and Jason. It’s lovely, but incredibly pretentious. Jason is interviewing for jobs in NYC. That’s going to go over well. Everyone is doing a lot of stuff with their kids, which is lovely and sweet. Kim says she is ready for her daughter to leave but she isn’t. Who ever is?
Time for Yolanda’s husband David Foster to get his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It’s all very fancy, lovely, and deserved. It is also odd that Mohammed is there. I don’t get it. Brandi, Lisa, and Carlton are there, and we are supposed to think Kim’s daughter’s graduation is the same day, but I’m not sure I believe it. Foster is a namedropper, which he is allowed, but it is also a little gross. We know he is famous and bought a star. Got it.
At graduation Kim is crying and my heart breaks for her. It is a stressful thing to have your kids grow up. Sidebar: I am so over Kyle talking about her acting career as if it was on the same level as Kim’s. Kyle acted a little bit and Kim was a child star. Kyle just cannot let Kim have anything to herself and it is unappealing. I’m not a fan. The Hollywood thing ends and it occurs to me it was not that interesting of an episode for the second week.
We end the show with a fake bikini shopping trip for Lisa and Brandi. Brandi’s body is sick and Lisa can’t walk in heals without looking like something is shoved up her ass. It is decided that Joyce is a troublemaker, and Brandi says she made out with Carlton. Oy. Brandi and Carlton are a fun pair and it looks like next week we might finally get some good TV. I love this show but it has been slow moving, which is boring, and not keeping it real.
December 2, 2013 | 7:12 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
We start this week with Phaedra who is going to Alabama for her mortician exam. She is rude to Apollo and I have to laugh because she was lucky to get him and seems to not care about holding onto him. Not sure why she is going to Alabama as I assume there are mortuary schools in Georgia, but there are a lot of weird things about Ms. Phaedra so whatever.
Over at the Bailey Agency, which I must say just makes me laugh, Apollo has gone to Peter for advice about Phaedra being a bitch. For the love of God. I hate it when they do stuff with just the men. Who cares? Apollo and Peter are friends now? Apollo is taking advice from Peter? He’s screwed if Peter is his go to guy. Peter wants a new car? Maybe get a job?
Over to Kandi, she is getting ready for Todd to get home, says she is setting up the house, putting out cakes, but he is not coming until the next day. What is she doing? I find it confusing to put out cakes a day before. Her assistant/friend Carmen is talking about her mom and telling Kandi she needs to tell her mom to get on board with Todd or he is out. Oh dear.
Interesting that Carmen is the woman Joyce thinks is sleeping with Todd. Carmen quickly shuts it down and pushes Kandi to pull away from her mom, which makes me think she may in fact be canoodling with Todd. Maybe she is just supporting her friend, and I do agree Kandi needs some protection from her money hungry mom, but who knows.
I love these chicks but we are 15 minutes in and nothing. The dinner with Kandi’s mom and Todd is going to be bad, and the cake will be dry because it has been sitting out for hours. We are off to Kenya so maybe something interesting will finally happen. She is moving into a new rental and it is lame. Why she needs all this house makes no sense. She’s a poser.
Kenya is full of crap is my guess. She is moving into a house and cleaning as she goes, rather than have a cleaner come in, which I am guessing she could not afford. She is gossiping, talking crap about Kandi, putting away cereal, and the whole thing, including Kenya, looks fake. We are going to jump to Nene and again hope for some entertainment. Come on Nene!
Nene and Cynthia are grocery shopping. Really? Cynthia is talking to Nene about her 13 year old daughter having a boyfriend. Nene, whose son had a child young with no job and an unstable relationship, lets Cynthia know she needs to stop being a friend to her child, be a mom, and put her foot down. Bravo. The scripted scene is lame, but Nene is good TV.
Back to Kandi’s house, she has a chef in to cook dinner for her and Todd. I honestly cannot pay attention to what Kandi is saying with that hair. It is just too much. She is telling him her mom does not like him and thinks he is an opportunist. Why she would tell him is beyond me. She is testing him which is fine, but don’t do it on camera. It is just not nice
Kandi is torn between her mom and her man and it is sad. I feel really bad for her. Todd says they need to have a talk because he is in it, but cannot go on like it is. They call Joyce and invite her over. I don’t know what Todd’s deal is, but Kandi is not an idiot and she will protect herself and what she has. Momma needs to respect her daughter not just her money.
We finally head over to Porsha, who is living with her mom, taking advantage, and milking her divorce for all its worth. Bless her. She needs to get a job. We see Porsha for about one minute and go back to Cynthia, who is waiting for her daughter’s boyfriend and his parents to come over for a visit. Doing this on television is wrong on so many levels. Bad parenting.
Arthur and his mom arrive and it is painfully uncomfortable. The children clearly do not want to be there, do not want to be on television, and I am mortified that we are watching this. Cynthia is a dingbat and this is embarrassing. We finally leave them and go to Porsha who is with her Mom and sister looking at apartments, but she is not ready to move.
She is a child and while I think she is charming, this is getting old. She got married, she got divorced, grow up. I appreciate what she went through, understand how shocking it all is, but she needs to get it together. We are back to Kenya, then Phaedra, and it would appear Bravo is bored with everyone too because of all the constant jumping around.
We are now being asked to watch Phaedra study with her fellow students. Really? How is this interesting? She is complaining about her husband to these people. Dear Lord. We are watching “How to ruin your reality TV marriage in 10 easy steps.” by Phaedra Parks. If I were Apollo I would be embarrassed by the constant bitching of his wife.
Time for dinner with Kandi, Todd, and Joyce. Let’s be perfectly clear, Joyce is being a complete bitch. Todd is trying. Joyce is not. Two minutes in and Joyce is talking about the assistant, Carmen, cheating with Todd. She then talks about how since Todd, Kandi has forgotten she has a family and is pissed off there are no pictures of her in the house. Wow.
Joyce is being an idiot. She loves her daughter’s money more than her daughter. This is horrific to watch. She is now complaining to Todd about Kandi's engagement ring, says it was cheap, and he cannot provide for her daughter. It is seriously uncomfortable to watch. Kandi is not supporting her mom, or Todd, just sitting there smiling and I want it to end.
Joyce is not only asking Todd if he will sign a pre-nup, but wants to know terms and financial arrangements. Joyce has lost her mind, Kandi needs to get some balls, and Todd needs a medal for being patient. Next week looks like it will be drama filled and while drama is good reality TV, this feels like too much and I’m not sure if they are keeping it real.