April 5, 2012 | 5:29 pm

The Watch What Happens Live Hour of Garbage

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Has Andy Cohen lost his mind?  He is a really charming man and I appreciate all he has done for Bravo, but this hour of television was a complete and total train wreck.  It was 60 minutes of ass kissing and sucking up and I watched out of shock, not interest.  This was an embarrassment.

I really just do not get the purpose of this show and if we are going to be totally honest with each other, it was stupid.  It was not made for us fans at home, but rather for them as fans of each other, which is weird because they all love themselves but are clearly embarrassed of each other.

You could tell that some people were annoyed to not be featured on the show.  By some of course I mean everyone who did not get face time on camera with Andy.  It was like a popularity contest.  Who does Andy like the best?  Who gets to talk to him?  Who is he going to ignore?

They showed new shows that will premier in the coming weeks and honestly, I’m not sure any will be winners.  I will watch, at least once, but time will tell if they are interesting enough to get all of us to come back. Bravo is a reality television factory that produces 24 hours a day.

We need to figure out if it is a state of the art factory with air conditioning and good lighting, or if the factory needs to be shut down for subpar products.  I love reality TV but this show did not excite me about the shows as much as it embarrassed me for admitting I watch them.

The new shows are Gallery Girls, Decades, SUR, Silicon Valley, Miss Advised, and The Kandi Factory.  I could tell you what they are all about but I fear if I actually give them any thought my head might explode.  You’re all on your own with these new train wrecks.  I need an intervention.

Andy does a contest between east coast and west coast housewives and it made me want to punch things.  By things of course I mean housewives.  We meet the 3 new housewives of NYC and learn they are interesting, but we see Jill would have been great in new mix.

This is an hour long commercial for Bravo where there has been nothing entertaining or exciting.  It would have been better to not have all the people there, but rather just show us clips of the news shows and trailers of the ones coming up.  Bravo does not get us.

The show took a sad turn when the stars of Top Chef played a game with Andy.  I love this show and they have always been above the garbage level of the others, yet here they are making fools out of themselves.  In the end even gorgeous Tom is just another fame whore.

The much hyped “live” singing of Melissa Gorga and Countless are nothing more than lip syncing karaoke performances.  The singing was mortifying and after Melissa sang the camera shows Tabitha and her look of total confusion pretty much said it all.  She was disgusted.

This show was a complete waste of time and left me annoyed.  The viewers are making this network rich, yet they treat us like we are stupid.  They need to give us our garbage TV and save their love fest for themselves.  There was no reason to put this “party” on TV.

I could have spent this hour doing much more interesting things.  Like watching my hair grow, or taking out the trash.  Andy needs to spend less time using his network to entertain his friends and more time entertaining his viewers.  Time to put down the cocktails and start keeping it real.

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