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Jewish Journal

The Unreal Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

by Ilana Angel

February 10, 2014 | 6:40 pm

*Today's typos are generously brought to you by cough syrup with codeine. 

We begin this week with Yolanda who has gone to Mohamed’s house to meet about a graduation/going away party for Gigi.  His house is insane. That he scored the girlfriend he has is also insane. I get he has a lot of money, but come on. He is ancient, and that hair! As for his relationship with Yolanda and how happy and healthy they are for their kids, I call bullshit. Money makes them friends. Period. They would hate each other if money were not at play. Call me cynical, but that is how I see it. 

David Foster’s daughter got married at Mohamed’s house? I don’t get it. Good for them, and I’m jealous, but come on. These are rich people’s issues. Cut to Kyle, she is playing basketball with Mauricio, in heels. Ugh. Her daughter wants to go away for the weekend with her friends. They agree to let her go and Kyle tells her to never leave her drink unattended. That made me laugh because I have said that to my son for as long as I can remember. Unattended drinks are dangerous!

Kyle tells Mauricio they are invited to Puerto Rico with Joyce. That is going to be a bore. Speaking of boring, we jump to Carlton who wants us to know how rich her husband’s family is and that she is a big part of it. I like her but if you’ve got to talk about how rich you are.  They are going to put cars in the front of their business, which is odd since they don’t deal in cars.  Carlton un-invites Kyle, but Mauricio is still included. Really Carlton? That is not classy. Bless her five sided heart.

Over to Joyce, she is working out. Really? She has the body of a young boy, then admits working out is not her thing. Why does she have to pronounce Puerto Rico with an accent? Lame. Back to Yolanda, she is studying for her American citizenship test and clearly, after 30 years in America, knows very little about America. She wants us to think her Lyme disease made her forget the name Thomas Jefferson. Oy vey. This is a silly storyline. Why are we watching these people?

Jumping to the party, we learn Carlton worked for the company, which is how she met her husband, the boss. Interesting. Lisa wants to defuse the whole star situation and somehow wants to relate her being called an anti-Semite to that of apartide in South Africa. I kind of get it, but it’s a stretch. Carlton overacted over the star but that has nothing to do with anything. Carlton is crying at her own party because she was labeled a Jew hater and it could ruin her business.

I appreciate her pain, understand her crying, but to make it about losing business is gross. Will Smith’s ex-wife is the biggest name to walk the carpet. Ouch. Then Kim turns up completely out of it, followed by Brandi, who comes with a swollen tongue. Oy vey. Brandi takes Kim off alone to tell her about the fight at Lisa’s. Brandi mentions to Kim that she is disturbed by Scheana always being at Lisa’s events. I’m with Brandi on this one. It is shitty for Lisa to force Scheana down her throat.

Kim agrees it is shady of Lisa. She has enough staff to not have Scheana there. Important to note that Scheana is a whore. Kim points out Lisa can be unsavory and it is shocking because she works hard to hide it. The unraveling of Lisa has begun and while we don’t know where it will end, I imagine it will be a topic of conversation at the reunion. Something stinks in Beverly Hills and it is interesting to watch them all point fingers at each other while denying any involvement.

Yolanda becomes an American. Mazel Tov. Lisa is doing a photo shoot for a magazine and Stassi is there. Oh. My. God. Enough with the overlapping of Vanderpump Rules already. Lisa needs to quit the housewives and focus on the “kids” that she can manipulate and rule. Cut to Kyle and Brandi who are on a scripted hike to talk shit. Kyle invites Brandi on the Puerto Rico trip and that is going to piss Joyce off in a big way. I’m not into this show anymore.

Brandi talks to Kyle about Lisa and how she forgave her for talking crap. Kyle lets Brandi know she is not close to Lisa and it turns out that the morning call she used to make to Brandi, is now made to Kyle, Brandi is confused by how Lisa can be so hot and cold. They jump back and forth between the photo shoot for Lisa, and Kyle and Brandi talking about Lisa. Brandi questions the motives of Lisa and was she manipulated to be the pot stirrer on her behalf. To talk to Kyle about Lisa is not cool.

The one person who is going to throw Lisa under the bus is Kyle. I’m not saying I don’t believe Brandi, just saying Kyle as back up is not that strong a case. Kyle is all over it and loving that Brandi has come to her. Kyle can’t be trusted and Brandi has said as much on the show, so this makes no sense to me. Something is not kosher in Beverly Hills and I know kosher.  This show has gone dark in the same way New Jersey did and it is a shame. Nothing about this show is keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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