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Keeping It Real

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February 16, 2012 | 4:27 pm

The Real Housewives of Orange County are Over

Posted by Ilana Angel

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The ladies of Orange County

I watched last weeks premier of RHOC and it took me 3 hours because I was so bored I stopped several times. These women are not interesting and have become a cliché.  Between the nipped bodies, plumped up faces, bleached hair, and fake friendships, I am done.  This is my one and only blog on this very tired show.

The ladies are having dinner at Vickie’s house and it is beyond stupid.  By stupid of course I mean these women are so stupid they don’t understand they have signed onto a show we all watch with the sole purpose of laughing at them.  We are mocking you, and think you are pathetic.  Good choices ladies. Let the public humiliation begin.

Tamra and Gretchen have decided to be friends and I’m not buying it. This show is so desperate for excitement they are making these chicks do stuff that is not real, and they are so dumb and such fame whores, that they do it.  There is a new chick, Heather, who once again proves there are no cool Jews on reality television.

Tamra is a bitch and a moron. Gretchen is a bitch and a moron.  Alexis is a bitch and a moron.  Vicki is a bitch and a moron.  Not sure about Heather yet, but I think we can safely assume she will end up being a bitch.  Probably not a moron but she agreed to go this show so it won’t be a great leap to being a moron for her. They are having Cajun food because Vicki is proud as it’s the cuisine of the south where her boyfriend is from.  Important to note, her boyfriend is a douchelord who has been arrested for failure to pay child support.  He is into her money and I do not believe she is anything other than a money train.  I could be wrong, but I’m not.

Tamra and Gretchen are friends but Tamra is calling out Gretchen for having her lips done, which she denies.  We are supposed to believe her lips got twice as big from the plumper she sells?  Tamra is good friends with Vicki, but she is trashing her dinner.  Tamra is not a good friend, or girlfriend apparently. Peggy is digging at Alexis and it’s uncomfortable.  Peggy is calling Alexis dumb which is hilarious because Peggy is not that sharp.  Peggy slept with Alexis’s husband Jim back in the day and Alexis cannot forgive her for not telling her.  Peggy totally should have told her, but so should have her husband.

Peggy approaches Alexis and Alexis handles herself quite nicely.  She is calm, but wrong.  Her husband banged a chick, then met her, let her be friends with his old sex buddy, and never told her.  Peggy was a money whore so you can forgive her the indiscretion, but her husband should have told her. Peggy feels bad and cries to Vicki and Tamra.  She tells them Jim is shady and implies he could have had her hurt if she told Alexis.  Jim was a pig, is a pig, and will always be a bog.  I get Alexis is mad, but move on and direct your anger at the pig not the whore.  Peggy announces she is out of the group.

We get a formal introduction to Heather and I am wondering if she is Jewish by birth or converted to marry her husband.  I’m betting she is a convert. I like her because she is bold and speaks her mind, but she pulls the Jew card early and it sets her up for being labeled the crazy Jew who is a snob and only cares about money.  Sidebar:  I hate it when Jews are not cool on television.  I have been waiting years for a cool Jew to be on reality TV. Her house is beautiful, her kids are beautiful, her husband is lovely, and she is a stereotyped parody of what people think Jews are like.  It’s a shame. Bravo sucks when it comes to Jews on TV.

Tamra and Eddie, along with Vickie and Brooks are going to Catalina for the weekend.  Tamra is talking to Eddie and it sounds lame and rehearsed. Tamra is not at all interesting and he’s sweet so I don’t get it.  Vicki calls Brooks and says, “It’s Vickie”, and he says, “Hi Vicki”, and it’s awkward.  She immediately tells him what to bring, what to wear, and it has to be the things she bought for him.  I don’t get how anyone is into a woman like this.  You cannot have any balls when hers are so big.  Over to Gretchen, that she is still with Slade makes no sense.  He is a pig and leaching off of her.

We are off to Catalina and get our first look at Brooks up close and personal. He’s creepy.  He gives her a card and I’m not paying attention to what it says because I am focused on Vicki’s face, which is so puffy and full of filler that she looks like a freak.  Even her dimples look smaller because her face is so swollen.  We then take a quick trip to LA to see Gretchen doing a photo shoot with one of her painfully ugly handbags.  She is naked, Slade is being emasculated, and her laugh is nails on a chalkboard.  He is useless, she publicly humiliates him, and I almost feel bad for him.  By almost of course I mean I don’t feel bad at all.

Back to Catalina, Vicki is a bitch, her boyfriend is a loser, Eddie is wasting his time, and Tamra crosses the line.  Vicki and Eddie are playing around and flirt in a super cute way.  Tamra gets upset and puts the hand of Brooks on her boob.  Eddie is pissed, Vickie is shocked, and Brooks is mortified. The episode ends with Eddie and Tamra fighting.  I am honestly over this show.  If I stumble upon it I might tune in, if I have wine, but my blogging of the RHoOC has come to an end.  I wish them well, hope Heather is not a crazy Jewish bitch, and officially give up on their ever keeping it real.

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I agree!  I hope you might watch on occasion, I loved your comments. You’re hilarious and you read them like a book

Comment by Vivian on 2/16/12 at 9:33 pm

I’m with you on this one Ilana.  The producers have gone too far with Season 7 and are just regurgitating the same old story lines to the point of total boredom.

Tamra throwing a hissy fit over Vicki and Eddie?  Tamra and Gretchen “best friends”?  Slade becoming a stand up comic?  Brooks just another deadbeat dad filling up ugly Vicki’s “love tank”? 

Three to four seasons are enough.  But these women hang on until they become a mockery of themselves as we watch them grow older and more stupid trying to work up a storyline that hasn’t been done to death. 

It’s brought out nothing more than “who cares?” from the viewers along with a big yawn of indifference.

Comment by Donna on 2/16/12 at 9:40 pm

Let me start by saying I love reading your blogs about each and every reality show you watch.  I find you absolutely hilarious!  But I do not understand why you feel the “original” houswives are not worthy of your time.
  1.  “These women are not interesting and have become a cliché.”
    Which of the other houswive franchises do not fit this profile?
  2.  “Between the nipped bodies, plumped up faces, bleached hair, and fake friendships, I am done.”
    Again, which of the other houswive franchises do not fit this profile?
So you are willing to write about the full season of a woman who more or less pushed her husband to suicide; yet you won’t do two episodes of the fakeness of Orange County?
Hmmm?

Comment by RP on 2/16/12 at 9:57 pm

This recap was hilarious and once again dead on. Vickies face is pincushion-y now. Tamara looks older (alot) than the others and looks hard in the face. Gretchen without makeup on her chiseled, sharp & uneven face is really sad. sigh… stupid show.

Comment by Tina on 2/16/12 at 10:50 pm

I hope you do keep blogging about this mess Ilana , love your comments and observations!
I found it hard during eps. 2 to keep watching *yawn yawn*.. and I was also wondering how this show, which I used to love watching has become THIS boring :( They need to clean house like they did to NYC and maybe bring back some fun & interesting story lines!

Comment by Vavi on 2/17/12 at 3:55 am

Oh please you have to keep watching it because I love your re-caps!! They are hysterical! Please?!

Comment by PG on 2/17/12 at 7:05 am

Oh, Thank Heaven!  I was only watching this show to read your recaps.  I am SO glad that you’ve decided not to watch RHOC because I couldn’t bear another season of Gretchen and Slade, the “WHOO-HOO” of Vicki (how annoying is that yelp????) and her telling people what to do, think, say, etc. (sounds a little like Kyle?).

I now have an extra hour a week!  hmmmm..what to do? what to do?  I know!  A novel..I’ll pull out my novels!

Comment by Stefanie on 2/17/12 at 9:36 am

It’s really tragic that these woman are willing to humiliate themselves on t.v for a big paycheck. They’re not Joan Collins from Dynasty. The audience is not going to forgive them for acting like an evil bitch for higher ratings. We all know Joan is an actress playing a role on t.v show. What we are viewing is suppose to be their real authentic personalities. You know, it’s reality t.v right?

Comment by Lisa on 2/17/12 at 12:15 pm

I enjoy reading recaps because I haven’t quite left the entire reality scene but I don’t watch a lot anymore.  I did not watch RHOA this season or read Recaps,so I guess you could say I am slowly but surely backing away.  RHOBH I read recaps and would watch an episode here and there and never in its entirety.  I did watch the first episode of RHOOC and was not all that impressed.  Why do the new Housewives insist on lying, does Heather really expect anyone to believe she hasn’t seen the show she has chosen to join?  Now that would make her a moron! I guess you could call me a side line viewer, and I do understand your wish not to watch and blog, it gets old.  Eventually, you just want to peek in, here and there until you don’t peek at all.

Comment by Terri on 2/17/12 at 1:56 pm

LOL - you’ve got this franchise pegged!  I get why you don’t want to waste your time on this show, but like others here, I get such a laugh out of your blog, so hope you might do a few more?  The contrast between franchises is huge, the BH ladies have interesting husbands, while the OC ladies have these boring boyfriends?  This franchise seems mis-cast and they need some freshening up.  Maybe Brandi needs to make a few special appearances?!

Comment by SharonLea on 2/17/12 at 5:15 pm

I LOVE your blog! I always look forward to reading it!!
Im losing interest in OC too.
Do you remember as a child covering your eyes saying “Ewww GROSS!” when someone started kissing on TV? 
Well, thats EXACTLY how I feel watching Vicki & Tamra.
Have a great weekend all. grin

Comment by Dixie Angel on 2/18/12 at 9:55 am

i think oc is getting better since alexis.i am glad peggy is gone.vicki and alexis and i think heather is a nice touch.gretchen and sarah we will see this season.last season i did not care for peggy or tamra.tamra should go and bring back jeanna or another newbe.

Comment by pip on 2/19/12 at 2:56 am

YOUR RIGHT ON .......  GRETCHEN WITHOUT MAKE-UP IS SO UGLY .  IT LIKE SHE HAS A HOLE DIFFERENT HEAD.

Comment by justice on 2/19/12 at 2:36 pm

OMG Ilana I SM watching this tonight and just had to comment! Heather is making challah for Yom Kippur?! Seriously? Not for Shabbat, not for Rosh Hashanah, but challah for Yom Kippur? And the hubby thinking he is so cool that his kippah doubles as a pocket corner thing? OMG?! They should NOT be allowed to say they are Jewish. It’s disgusting!!

Comment by rabbi shari on 2/19/12 at 7:40 pm

At last! An honest, insightful, truthful critique.  I’ve been trying to make many of the very same points you have via the blogs for the “housewives” (cough) on the Bravo blog.  For some strange reason they never appear. You are RIGHT ON, Ilana.  ON POINT.  TRUTH TELLER.  Yea!!!

Eddie the Drunk (Tamra’s boyfriend): He’s not concerned that the camera records his every move. Immature, ethics-challenged, not very bright. Perfect for each other.

Vicki (the money machine) dating a guy who also has too much alcohol to drink (in front of camera), and child support-paying challenged. Sweet deal for HIM. Hope Brooks is just transitional.

Why does Gretchen announce her Christian belief (on her Bravo blog), yet poses nude and openly lives with Slade in a shack-up situation?  What’s with that?  Oh, never mind. There’s only 1,000’s of teenage girls now thinking to themselves, “Hey, I can be Christian and do that too!”  Morons - all of them.  And this was only the first episode!

Comment by In the O.C. on 2/20/12 at 11:55 am

Gretchen definitely had her lips done and she looks like a tranny without make-up, ironically enough.  She is not attractive.

Tamra is not right in the head.

Comment by missy on 2/21/12 at 6:50 pm

THANK YOU!!!!!! No more necessary!

Comment by minnietu on 2/21/12 at 9:06 pm

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