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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - Vive la France

by Ilana Angel

February 25, 2013 | 9:13 pm

We start off this week with Kim visiting Kyle so they can pretend to be friends.  Kim is hammered and Kyle is dressed too young for her age in a ridiculous pair of pants.  Kim jumps right into gossiping about Husband Killer being an alcoholic.  Really?  Drunk Kim is going to diagnose Taylor?  This is hilarious.  Kyle insists she has wanted to say something and I fascinated that Kyle is trying to make yet another storyline about her.  Kim and Kyle call Taylor to tell her they are on their way over to “talk”.

We head over to Ken where he is feeding the swans, and you can’t help but have a pang of envy at the life they lead.  Lisa is getting ready for a trip to Saint Tropez to visit Ken’s son from his first marriage.  The son, Warren, is married to one of Lisa’s friends.  It’s a little weird but they have worked through it all and are close now. Ken and Lisa are the best couple ever and watching them prepare for their trip is cute.  That they are taking Giggy with them is even cuter.  I totally dig this couple.

Over at Drunky Husband Killer’s house, Kim cuts to the chase and tells Taylor she thinks she is an alcoholic.  Taylor explains that she does not drink often and has no problem.  Taylor is clearly mortified that these bitches are talking to her on camera, then pulls the poor me Russell died card.  She owns up to drinking to get through it and I actually feel for her.  The best thing Taylor can do for herself and her child is to get the hell off of this show and focus on healing instead of fame whoring.

Over to Yolanda, she is hosting an evening at Mohammed’s house, which lets just clarify, is weird.  Adrienne cancels and Brandi is thrilled.  Her reaction to the cancellation is perfect.  Yolanda is going to Paris, as is Lisa, so it quickly turns into a group trip.  By group trip of course I mean Bravo is going to pay them all to go to Paris so they can have a fight and we can watch them master the art of fake friendships while Kyle makes it all about her.  They can go to classy Paris but it won’t class some of these skanks up.

Yolanda is introducing her husband David to the gang and they get to Marisa and her husband Dean.  Marisa is an idiot and her husband should kick her ass to the curb.  Marisa is embarrassing the Zanuck family and her talk of being bored with her husband and wanting to bang anyone who will have her is gross.  If they make this chick a housewife I will be unable to be kind about her.  And yes, this is my being kind to her.  Kyle arrives in a truly ugly dress and one must mention that Yolanda looks beautiful tonight.

Taylor is not going to Paris so she can focus on her daughter.  By focus of course I mean trying to not lose her again.  The party is a series of conversations that we have all heard before and I am bored.  Yolanda talks to Taylor because she has been hearing from the girls that Taylor is smack talking about her.  I like Yolanda’s balls.  Taylor denies it all and the gossiping is painful.  These women are really mean to each other and I would not want friendships like this in my life.  Not cute at all.

We are off to Saint Tropez to meet Ken’s son, who seems lovely, and his wife, who seems bitchy.  Giggy is adorable, Ken and Lisa are tired but thrilled to be there.  We learn that Ken is 66, which makes Lisa around 50. They look great.  We also learn Ken is a Grandfather as Warren has a 21 year old Grandson who is the same age as his son Max.  It all seems very cool and European.  I don’t know what that means really, but it’s just not that interesting so I am digging deep to write about the visit.

Everyone is gathered at the airport and I am laughing because we are being asked to believe that even though Yolanda and Kyle were already booked for Paris, the entire group is all on the same flight.  Such Bravo bullshit.  Marisa calls to say that she is not coming as her father-in-law passed away.  It is sad.  Sad that he died and sad that Kyle is going to use it as a chance to spew words of wisdom about life being short.  Dear Lord this woman bugs the crap out of me.  Off to Paris we go.  Au revoir!

The hotel in Paris is gorgeous.  Lisa joins in and the festivities are beginning. Everyone is gathering for the first night out and the sight of Giggy in his lavender blinged out shirt is perfection.  Kim arrives and she is wasted on what I would guess is pain meds from her unnecessary nose job. Tonight ends without anything really interesting happening and even though we see fireworks over Paris, there is a promise for some real fireworks next week. I love to blog this show and will beck next week to keep it real.

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