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RHOBH: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

by Ilana Angel

December 5, 2011 | 9:48 pm

Cuckoo

Dear Lord this week was painful to watch.  By painful of course I mean I wanted to cause myself pain by plucking out my own eyes, which have been more fun than this show.  At what point is Bravo going to stop the crap and start getting real?  Taylor simply does belong not on television.

Before we jump to Crazytown, Lisa is with Pandora and her soon to be Mother-in-Law picking the table décor.  Pandora is allowed to share her opinion, but Lisa is doing what she wants.  The Mother-in-Law to be is not only not permitted an opinion, but is not allowed to speak at all.

Kyle is with Estella getting her final exam after her facelift.  She looks great and Kyle is annoying.  She went from most fabulous to most offensive and is full of crap.  By full of crap of course I mean her desire for fame has made her smell like crap, which is actually noticeable through my television.

Brandi is out for lunch with Adrienne.  Poor Brandi.  She is really fun, seems great, and is stuck in the mud with a bunch of sticks in the mud. Adrienne Maloof is boring.  Her hair and clothes are straight out of the eighties, and she brings nothing of interest to this show.  Nothing.

Kyle is having a Cinco de Mayo dinner for friends and family.  She says they always have a party, yet she pulls out half a bag of carrots and throws them on a plate big enough for 5 bags.  She also manages to embarrass her husband and mock him for picking black shoes over brown.

Kyle is unable to sit quietly and allow her guests to enjoy themselves. She needs to talk all the time and make everything about her.  It’s annoying and sad because she used to be really great.  She is now simply a fame whore with nothing interesting to say.  Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Lisa takes us to SUR, which is under construction.  There are weeks I love Lisa and others when I think she is horrible.  At the end of the day I think she is fabulous and wasted on this show.  She is a lady, who actually has money, and lumping her in with these losers is a shame.

We see Kim for 10 seconds and it’s not even worth mentioning.  Brandi is having a party at a friend’s house in Malibu.  They will have dinner and drinks, and get a belly dancing lesson.  Camille is on her way over with a couple of friends.  Weird that she can’t go anywhere alone.

Important to note that I think Camille is the best thing about this show this year.  She is funny and calm, and rather entertaining. She is beautiful, handles herself with grace in the wake of personal turmoil, and is exactly what I think a woman of Beverly Hills should be.  Bravo Camille.

Sidebar:  Kelsey Grammer is a douchelord.  I understand people cheat, and marriages end, but his behavior towards his wife and children was ugly.  The kind of ugly that gets you a first class ticket on the A Train to hell.  Even with only one side of the story, we know he is a schmuck.

Kyle and Taylor are going to Brandi’s party.  Ever since Taylor pushed her husband to kill himself, it’s hard to watch her.  Even harder than watching Taylor, is listening to Kyle talk about Taylor and her problems.  It’s dueling limo rides with Camille wanting no drama, and Taylor up for a fight.

Adrienne arrives in her Dynasty 80’s outfit, along with a Michael Jackson red leather jacket.  Why is nobody helping this woman get dressed?  Why do Kyle and Taylor need a stretch limo for just the two of them? Why do they all bring random friends?  Why is Taylor even on this show?

Brandi has a great body and the girls are all bagging on her for not wearing a bra.  Meow.  Camille says she is too self-conscious to wear the same outfit, yet she posed naked.  Brandi looks amazing, especially after two kids.  With those boobs I would not wear a bra.  Or a shirt.

It’s belly dancing time and Kyle is ridiculous.  She does the splits, again, and is acting like a freak.  She makes a joke about Brandi’s nipples and at the end of the day Kyle is a bitch.  A classic mean girl who bullies the weak and takes joy in their suffering.  Much like Lynn Hudson.

Taylor is once again whining about the gravity of her situation.  Camille’s friend DD, steps in where she has no business and makes it painfully clear she is in love with Camille.  Her desperate clinging on and hero worship of Camille is a little creepy.  Before we know, the fight is on.

Taylor is drowning in her storytelling and it’s predictable.  We don’t know what to believe, but more importantly, we don’t care what the truth is.  Taylor needs to be fired from this show, and then when she has time to regroup, be questioned about her role in the death of her husband.

Camille’s groupie starts a fight, with Taylor, who is clearly on the edge.  It’s embarrassing and they should be ashamed of themselves. There is screaming, pulling, pushing, crying, and then in what is a horrific editing choice, Taylor threatens to jump off the balcony and kill herself.

I am skipping over the rest of this fight as it is simply offensive of Bravo to expect me to watch it.  Everyone leaves and it’s a clusterf*&^.  Just a quick thought, why was Dana not invited?  Because she is not, nor will she ever be, a Real Housewife of Beverly Hills.

Taylor whips out cigarettes from her purse and starts smoking in the car while falling into an alcohol induced ugly cry.  She can’t stop crying, and Kyle can’t stop talking.  I said today my Christmas wish was for Donald Trump to stop talking but I would rather Kyle stop talking.

Taylor was on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen tonight but I skipped it as I am quite certain if I watched it, I would have to write something mean about Taylor and my blog is about the characters within the show, not outside of Bravo editing, and so I’ll pass, to keep it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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