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Jewish Journal

The Real Housewives of Atlanta Suck Without NeNe

by Ilana Angel

February 18, 2013 | 4:02 pm

Miss NeNe

We are back in Atlanta and it is pageant time with Cynthia.  We are at the Bailey School and see the posters for Cynthia’s pageant, which has a big picture of Cynthia on it.  So lame.  Kenya is there with a young girl she is mentoring.  Really?  Kenya is a lunatic.  Cynthia tells Kenya she cut ties with Porsha.  We learn she is going to host the pageant with Boris Kodjoe. 

After Cynthia lost her mind on Kenya last time she helped her out, Cynthia tells Kenya she can be a judge at the Miss Renaissance pageant.  Dear Lord. Cynthia Bailey is a moron.  Over with Porsha, who I should mention is just as dumb as Cynthia, is with her very bossy husband.  She orders a Sprite, he changes it to wine, and I do not like them separately or together.

He wants her to have a baby and to stay home and raise the child on her own, with no nanny.  She wants a nanny but he prefers she do it on her own. She suggests she  “borrow” her brother’s child for a week to see if she can handle being a mother.  Porsha is a dingbat, her husband is a pig, and why would her brother “lend” his baby for a week? He knows how dumb she is.

Phaedra is having Kandi over for dinner and Chef Roble is cooking.  It gets sexual and I’m not getting it.   They are sitting for dinner in a room that appears to be decorated by Ikea and I am confused.  Kandi is planning a trip to LA for the girls to visit NeNe, followed by time in Las Vegas.  They are talking about Kandi’s new gospel career.

Marvin Sapp is there to meet with Kandi to record her gospel song.  She sells sex by day and praises the Lord by night.  God bless her.  Kandi is unappealing and appears to have very little self-confidence.  I sometimes think it is cute, but lately I find it more annoying than anything else.  Kandi’s dad stops by and he was not at all what I was expecting.

We hear Kandi’s song and it sounds like her songs from last season.  Nothing new here.  I like the term “Prayed Up” and so maybe Marvin can help her along because I don’t hear a hit here on her own. Her dad reminds me of Billy Dee Williams circa Mahogany, and I like him.  He likes the Lord and bless him for loving his kid and seeing the joy her music brings.

NeNe is in town for a quick minute and Cynthia stops by to visit.  Cynthia tells NeNe that Kenya is going to be a judge at the pageant and NeNe reminds her that Kenya is a crazy person and Cynthia is a fool for inviting her to participate.  NeNe should not even appear on this show anymore.  She is better than all of this and she is slumming it every time she stops by.

I love NeNe and really only enjoy this show when she is on, but I love her too much not say that she needs to get the hell off of this show and go solo. NeNe knows that everyone is coming to Los Angeles to see her and she is prepared for it to go badly.  This show may have made NeNe known, but I truly hope it is not the thing that now brings her down too.

The baby is with Porsha and she thinks she is ready.  She picks her up by one arm, watches as the baby plays with the dog food, puts her foot in her poop while changing the diaper, and leaves the baby on the bed with her dog as the babysitter.  The baby is off wondering the house, Porsha is ready for her husband to get home, and I am seriously bored.

It is pageant time and I am laughing my ass off.  This is hilarious.  The pageant guy is predictable, and we see Cynthia goes to pick up Boris by herself.  He is in a button down shirt and jeans, no suit.  Kandi shows up in a rather unfortunate dress, and Kenya comes with her Miss USA sash.  I am so excited about this train wreck.  Sidebar: Cynthia needs some Spanx.

The script is wrong, Cynthia is sweating, Boris is a dumbass, and everyone is laughing.  Kenya is acting normal which means something weird is definitely happening in Atlanta this week.  These women are boring without Nene and seeing NeNe feels weird because she just does not belong here anymore. Atlanta has been ruined and watching it is now hard.

The pageant is awkward and I am ready for it to be over.  Cynthia is saying how legit and fabulous she is, Kenya is reminding us this is her thing, and the winner is crying and falling to the floor in amazement.  Next week the ladies will be in LA with Nene so we’ll see how that plays out.  I will tune in to watch because with NeNe we know at least one perosn will be keeping it real.

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