November 27, 2012 | 7:01 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
These women do not like each other and are all desperately clinging onto their 15 minutes while the new chicks steal their thunder and NeNe outshines them all. Kandi is invisible, Phaedra is not a lady, Kim is a disgrace and Cynthia puts us to sleep. That said, we are watching so here we go again.
We start with Kim and honestly people, I just can’t do it. She is hideous. Her language, her attitude, her lies, all of it is just too much and I am skipping over her. Slutbag. We move onto Kandi and I have to ask Bravo, really? Kandi brings nothing to this show and I am skipping her too. Tiem for them to go.
I just skipped over ten minutes and went straight to Phaedra who is with Apollo and taking their baby for a haircut. Apollo is delicious, Aiden is yummy, and Phaedra is posing. They are sweet, but the squeaky clean image Phaedra is painting of herself is starting to stink.
Apollo is a master barber? Nice that he was rehabilitated in prison and learned a trade. They are planning Aiden’s 2nd birthday party and it is going to be excessive. Forget about the Joneses, Phaedra is trying to keep up with the real housewives of Beverly Hills. Simply not cute.
We’re off to Porsha’s and Dear Lord, this girl is dumb. Turns out her husband is just as dumb. Porsha says “fraudulent slip” instead of Freudian slip. Her husband says that “one bad apple can’t make a pot go like that” and I am dying. These people are ridiculous and fabulous TV.
Kenya takes her fake boyfriend Walter to meet her family and I am drooling at the deliciousness of it all. Kenya is a nutcase and Walter is searching for his 15 minutes. He compares himself to Martin Luther King and I am rolling my eyes at exactly how dumb these people are.
Kenya looks greasy and dirty. The family wants to know how they met and Walter tells them it was through mutual friends. Kenya insists he pursued her hard. The aunt says she believes Water and not Kenya. When your family calls you out as crazy there has got to be truth.
Auntie wants to know how Walter feels about marriage and he tells them they are just dating and he is taking is slow. Kenya is shooting daggers at him and tells the camera they are on the same page and looking to get married. Seriously? Kenya needs to get some mental help.
Aiden’s birthday party is at an aquarium and it is stupid. An insane show of excess and shame on Phaedra. The kid will have no memory of it, could not care less now, and she would be better served to feed homeless people than flaunt her mediocre wealth in such a lame fashion.
Kim calls in the middle of the party to say she is not coming and Kandi and Phaedra start gossiping about Kim’s problems. Dwight is there hosting the party and I am over him too. Phaedra says those who can: do. Those who can’t: dream. The rest just hate. Whatever.
We’re back to Kim swearing, in front of her kids, and I am skipping it. I am not watching anything with this woman. She makes me sick and I find myself fantasizing about shoving an apple in her mouth so she will stop talking. I’m bailing on slutbag and heading to lunch with Nene and Cynthia.
NeNe plays a message from Phaedra that was sent via a butt dial. Phaedra drops the F bomb and says he could care less if Cynthia came to the birthday party. Some would say it was not cool of NeNe, but the truth is that Cynthia and NeNe are friends and have each other’s back.
I’m not surprised NeNe played the message. Chicks are chicks and Phaedra would have done the same thing given the opportunity. We see a quick moment with Porsha and her gorgeous younger sister and we are reminded, in less than 20 seconds, that she is truly a dingbat.
Over to Crazytown, Kenya buys frozen food from Trader Joe’s, microwaves it, and serves it as if she cooked it from scratch. Oh. My. God. Trader Joe’s is the promised land for divorced men and Walter has made that meal for himself a million times. Kenya is seriously crazy .
Kenya tells Walter the meal took her forever to make and she did it with pleasure to please him. She is doing everything possible to turn this man off and it is reality TV gold. She is talking about getting married, ovulating, being a wife, and talking about how pretty their kids will be.
Just when I think she cannot be more pathetic, she tells him her ring size. She is begging a man that she has a casual sexual relationship with to not only marry her, but knock her up immediately. Kenya is not well. I’m not kidding. She is mentally unstable and needs help.
Cynthia goes to have lunch with Phaedra and lets her know she heard about her dropping the F bomb and not caring about Cynthia coming to the party. Phaedra insists she never swears and does not gossip, yet we’ve all heard it. The southern belle is not so much of a lady.
Cynthia offers to play the message for Phaedra and Ms. Parks changes the subject and laughs it off. Cynthia is going to hold onto this not because she cares what Phaedra thinks, but because she thinks it will keep her close with Nene and she wants to be best friends with Ms. Leakes.
The show ends with Kim moving back into her townhouse temporarily. Really? Her husband is going to move into the house that she whored out for with his two kids? Kim can praise God till the cows come home and she is still not getting me to believe she is a woman of faith.
Kim is successful because she sleeps with men who can take care of her. Married or not, she gets what she needs and that is cool. I don’t care. She has four kids from three dads, so bless her for taking care of all of them but she should own her past instead of trying to rewrite it.
It was a boring week but it looks like we will be rewarded for sticking it out next week. I am watching this show for NeNe and Kenya. Watching one soar and one sink is fascinating. Atlanta is not what it used to be and the friendships are so over they can’t even fake keeping it real.
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