December 3, 2012 | 7:52 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
We start this week with Kim. That’s a bit of a problem because I can’t stand her. I think she is a hideous. Her vocabulary is vile, her hair is ridiculous, her parenting is questionable, her lies are deep, her entitlement is laughable, and her participation in this show is of no interest to anyone.
Over to Phaedra, she is on a double date with Apollo, Kenya and Water. Oy Vey! They are go carting and Kenya is wearing a dress. Classy. Turns out Phaedra knows Walter and Kenya, meeting Apollo for the first time, is drooling all over him in a super awkward way. By drooling of course I mean she is totally hitting on him. Walter is seeing it, Apollo is ignoring it, and Phaedra is not having it. She may want us to think she is a southern belle who is all lady all the time, but trust. Phaedra would cut a bitch for hitting on her super fine man.
Kenya is crazy. She is unstable and I seriously think she could snap at any moment. By “at any moment” of course I mean we will see it before the season is over. I don’t know how they found Kenya but I’m guessing she found them and begged to be included. The go karts have dash cameras and it is hilarious. Phaedra is acting up a storm for her camera and it is perfection. She really is entertaining. Kenya is screaming like a lunatic and while she makes for good television, she is already starting to get on my last nerve.
NeNe and her boyfriend Greg are at Cynthia and Peter’s for dinner. Cynthia and Peter have no chemistry together and appear to simply tolerate each other. It bothers me that she has not acknowledged her new boobs. Not sure why, but it just seems odd. Peter is joking that maybe they should get divorced in order to be happy like Greg and NeNe. Cynthia tells the camera Peter and her are doing great and all is well, but also says, in response to Peter saying they should get divorced, that they are almost there. Pick a side.
Cynthia is taking the girls on a couple’s trip. By taking her of course I mean Bravo is forcing them to all go away together so they can fake friendships for a couple of shows. Peter tells NeNe he wants to renew his vows with Cynthia. Why are they even married?
Porsha goes to the doctor with her talented yet stupid husband to see if they are cleared to try for a baby. She says she wants four kids, but holds up three fingers. Dear Lord this chick is stupid. I like her with the other girls but on her own she is painful.
Porsha wants twins so she is going to eat an abundance of yams because that will give her twins. Total dingbat. All is clear with her uterus and baby making can begin. Porsha reminds me of Melissa Gorga. Does anyone else see the similarities? They are twins.
Cynthia is out to lunch with Kandi to talk about the trip to Anguilla. Kandi does not think her boyfriend will want to come because there is too much drama. She also says he is working and can’t go. The bottom line is who cares? Kandi and her man going is irrelevant.
Kandi says it is weird to include both NeNe and Kim. She then dumps all over NeNe by saying NeNe has a motive for everything. Translation: Kandi is jealous of Nene and cannot stand it that she is the breakout star. I don’t like or trust Kandi and these women shouldn't either.
Porsha invites Cynthia and NeNe to shoot a PSA for her charity. She tells them her charity works 265 days a year. Really? NeNe asks the camera where the hell Porsha lives and we are reminded that the only fabulous thing about this show is NeNe. I freaking love NeNe.
Cynthia jumps at the opportunity to do the PSA because she can thinks she is famous like NeNe. Too funny. Porsha then starts bagging on Kenya and Cynthia jumps right in to join the bashing. Cynthia is happy others think Kenya is crazy, unaware we think Cynthia is crazy too.
Kandi is selling her sex toys, Phaedra is into it, and I find myself wishing Phaedra were really this fabulous and not faking her ladiness. We learn that the entire trip to Anguilla has been planned around Kim since she didn’t make it to South Africa and they want her on this one.
Sidebar: Why is Sweetie back with Kim? If I were her I would have written a book about Kim and the nightmare woman she is, then gone on every talk show to share it before going back to work for her. Sweetie is tougher this season, but still dumb to have gone back.
Phaedra is at lunch with Cynthia to make peace for talking smack about her. She brings a huge flower display, in a vase, to lunch, and it is weird. Cynthia accepts the apology and deletes the message from Phaedra. In perfect Bravo scripting, the other ladies start to arrive.
Kandi arrives, followed by Kenya, who Cynthia ignores. NeNe strolls in, followed by Kim, who NeNe ignores. Kenya invites herself and they are all confirmed to attend. Then Kim says she needs to talk to her doctor before she commits 100%. The backing out begins.
Kim goes on and on with a list a mile long of excuses that she might not be able to go. Cynthia reminds Kim they scheduled everything around her. During the course of the lunch Kim went from 32 weeks pregnant, to 26 weeks, to 28 days left. Kim is a crazy ass liar.
After all her excuses about not going on vacation with the girls, she says she is going on vacation with Kroy. Kandi calls her out on it and then NeNe gets pissed. Everyone changed their schedules for Kim and she is backing out without the blink of an eye. What a troll.
Phaedra says they want to know if Kim is committed to their friendships and Kim pretty much says she is not. Rather than be excited that they can unload this bitch, the ladies are upset. Everyone calls out Kim on her bailing except for Kenya who keeps on eating.
NeNe tells Kim she is a liar, Kandi joins in, and Kim has had enough. She gets up and walks out while everyone is yelling at her. Kroy is waiting for her outside in the car and honestly I just want to punch someone at Bravo in the face for making us watch this crap.
Next week we head to Anguilla for another housewives on scary island trip. It will be fabulous and so I am excited. Kim is done with the housewives and I am even more exited about that. This show is fake, they are lucky to have Nene, and this season is all about not keeping it real.
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