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Jewish Journal

The Real Dirty Housewives of Atlanta

by Ilana Angel

January 27, 2014 | 6:59 am

Dear Lord. These women are a mess and have opted to humiliate themselves is grand ways this week. It is embarrassing, shameful, laughable, and truly fascinating how these chicks behave in front of the world to see. This week's episode comes on the heels of Phaedra’s husband Apollo turning himself into the feds on charges on fraud and identity theft. My, my, my, my, oh my.

We start with Phaedra planning a party for her new son, along with the help of our old pal Dwight. He is fabulous and she is revolting. Her fake southern belle schtick is getting old and while I think it is cute she refers to her kids at Mr. President and the Prince, this woman is drowning in her own delusions. Her husband is not only a pig and criminal, but he doesn’t like her much.

Over to Cynthia, Peter’s beard looks super white and with the white shirt he has on, just looks weird. She is gossiping to Peter about how Kandi went off on Peter being shady. Cynthia pretends to be all into Peter but I don’t buy it. All the relationships on this show are strained and dysfunctional. Even Nene, who seems so happy, divorced Gregg and started over. Lots of lying in the ATL.

Kenya is till talking about having a baby. It is all she talks about actually. Her family is broken, she is broken, blah, blah, blah. Kenya is with a fertility doctor, yet wants to have a child naturally, which makes no sense. She also says she is in a relationship with a Prince in Africa, but that is a lie. Come on, if that was true, she would be parading him around like nobody’s business.

These women have nothing interesting to talk about. None of them. Jumping to Kandi, she is still working on her musical with her fiancé Todd. In a moment of classic Bravo scripting, Todd says Christopher Williams should be cast in the musical, which allows Kandi to talk about Christopher’s wife Natalie, who said that Todd is an opportunist. Dear Lord, make this crap stop.

Kandi gossips on a whole other level. I don’t know how she works when she spends all of her time gossiping. Everyone is talking about Nene and a party she is planning. It is a couple’s pajama party to hang out and get to know each other. I call bullshit. I would never go to such a party and this is a scripted attempt by Bravo to create stories where there are none. They are a seriously boring group.

We are now in a sperm bank with Kenya and Ms. Lawrence. He is asking for free lube and she is hitting on men there to deposit. I just can’t. I’m skipping over this crap. This is garbage and Kenya telling the sperm bank she wants a man with no body odor is pathetic and mocks women who really struggle with having a child of their own. This chick is an embarrassment to herself.

It is time for Phaedra’s ridiculous baby party and Kandi is the only other housewife in attendance. These chicks hate each other yet we are being asked to believe they are a cohesive unit. The only person more disgusted by this spectacle than me is Apollo. His obvious disdain for his wife is uncomfortable to watch. He truly appears to hate this woman.

Sidebar: Phaedra will say she was unaware of what her husband was doing and that may be true, so for the sake of her children I hope she knew nothing. That said, in my opinion she must have known on some level what was happening. I don’t think she is completely clean. I feel for her and her beautiful children and hope they stay together and are okay.

It is time for Nene’s stupid pajama party. To put this group together with the men, who hear nonstop about how they all think they are pigs, is stupid. The ladies start to arrive, the outfits are lame, and Nene is on fire from the get go. She is not relaxed for the party, but rather on edge and looking for anyone to mess it up. Nene appears to be high.

Nene is pacing the room like a caged animal. Not good. There are half naked people to serve drinks and this is going to be a disaster. Come on. Who thought this crap up? Whoever it was I want to smoke some of the weed they’re smoking.  Kenya arrives an hour late, just in time for Nene to push her under the bus with the other women. Nene has an agenda.

Kenya walks in and Nene immediately goes after her. It is very strange. Nene is being rude and vulgar. The subject of strip clubs come up and Peter says all the men go to strip clubs. Peter says he goes but never has lap dances. Kandi points out she has seen him get a lap dance. Peter denies it, Kandi insists, Cynthia says she does not care if he goes. 

Nene chimes in, as a former stripper, and tells everyone there are all kinds of sexual acts going on at a strip club. Apollo chimes in and says he goes to strip clubs a lot and spends up to 8K a night, but it is his money and he can spend it on whatever he wants. Turns out it was not actually his money, but money he stole while building his identity theft business. 

The subject is strip clubs, then Nene jumps up and brings up that Kenya said Christopher and Natalie were never married. Really? There is no reason for her to take this dark turn other than the fact that Ms. Nene has no storyline and with no acting jobs and no need to talk about how fabulous her jet setting life is, she is stirring the pot because that's all she’s got.

Natalie points out what Kenya said about Christopher, Christopher gets up to talk crap about Kenya, Kenya gets up to defend herself, and Apollo loses his mind and starts to beat on Kenya’s friend Brandon. Apollo shoves his wife, Christopher puts his hands on Kenya, and Nene is pretending to be shocked by what happened when she clearly planned it. Not cool Nene.

The episode ends with a huge beat down and will pick up at the same spot next week. I am not sure how Bravo thinks this is good TV when in reality it is low class behavior by low class women. These women owe the fans a huge apology and Bravo needs to start sending us all bottles of wine to get through these shows each week. We’ll watch but they need to eventaully start keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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