December 20, 2011 | 9:09 am

The Kardashians & Barbara Walters: Why?

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Partially because I am addicted to reality television, and partially because I am a glutton for punishment, I watched 3 hours of the Kardashian crapfest and I now have a splitting headache.  Partially from the laughing, and partially from the fact that the voices on these women makes me want to cut my own ears off just to make it stop.  Why are they on TV

Let’s review:

Khloe:  She is actually quite likeable and funny.  She is entertaining and seems the least aware of the cameras.  That said, she spends a lot of time talking in a baby voice, which is incredibly annoying.  The best thing going for Khloe is Lamar, and if she moves to Dallas she might have a shot at not drowning in crap like her sisters.

Kourtenay:  This one is a whack job that gets some kind of sick pleasure out of embarrassing the father of her baby on television.  Her voice is the most irritating out of all of them.  She does not share a bedroom with her boyfriend, yet she is pregnant with their second baby.  She does not want to marry him, but is happy with him serving as her sperm donor.

Kim:  She is a fame whore, a porn star, and will do just about anything to be famous.  The problem is that she is not good at any of the things she does.  I have seen her attempt at porn and I have two words for her performance: wet noodle.  She is a lousy dancer, a horrible sex star, a selfish sister, a crybaby, and in possession of absolutely no talent. None.

I think Kim’s wedding was fake and Kris Humphries got screwed.  By screwed of course I mean he is a moron.  By moron of course I mean he is a young guy who got caught up in the madness that is the Kardashians and he never had a shot in hell.  Kim used him for yet another 15 minutes.  I’m sure he got screwed better figuratively than he did literally.

I won’t talk about the two younger ones as they are children, and as for Rob, well, get a job son.  He is sweet, and won me over on Dancing With The Stars, but he has a small window of opportunity to turn the good will we feel about him into something.  If he waits too long, he will once again be the lazy brother, who lives off his name and does nothing.

Sidebar:  I have the television on while I’m writing this and I just saw a commercial for Sears, featuring Kim, Kourtenay, Khloe and Kris.  Dear Lord. The voices all together are simply too much for me to handle.  Hearing them whine in unison makes me want to pull my hair out.  By pull my hair out of course I mean pull their extensions out.

The baby talk, the screeching voices, the crying, the staged life for cameras, the insane amount of money they make, all of it is fascinating.  Even more fascinating than the Kardashians being fascinating, is Barbara Walters still working.  I think at 400 years old she should retire.  She is simply too old to be interviewing pop culture fake celebrities.

Now, Betty White is old, but she is fabulous and should never retire.  Ever. Barbara however just looks silly.  Seeing this tiny woman interviewing people is weird.  I grew up with Barbara and looked forward to her specials, but now she just seems out of touch and desperate to look relevant.  She no longer has the appeal she had for so long, and someone needs to tell her.

The Kardashians are annoying, but oddly compelling, so they will never go away.  We live in a Kardashian world and that’s just how it is.  We can mock them, or watch them, or both.  The one thing that can make the Kardashian gang even more annoying, is having to see them talk to Barbara Walters.  I mean no disrespect Ms. Walters, just keeping it real.