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The Bachelorette in Bermuda

by Ilana Angel

June 5, 2012 | 8:59 am

I was certain I would be sick of Emily by now but I love her and think she is fabulous.  The men are not that great which is a drag, but it only takes one good one and she has that.  She looks great and even though she is a lady, we see she is going to drop an F Bomb next week so before I even watch this week, I’m excited about next week, and that is good television.

Chris tells the men they are off to Bermuda then we see Emily on the beach with Ricki.  I think it’s great she is taking her daughter on this adventure with her.  As a single mom I would have done the same thing.  I am curious however what you tell a six year old about this show.  Mommy is searching for love on TV and is dating lots of men is not really an option.

As the men arrive to their hotel in Bermuda it is quite obvious they are more excited about Bermuda than Emily.  She is a great girl but many of them know they have no shot in hell and are just happy to be on a vacation.  I’m willing to bet some of these guys are trolling by the pool looking for chicks. Not sure why but their excitement about Bermuda annoyed me.

Doug gets a one-on-one date.  He seems odd, but harmless. The other men don’t seem to like him much.  They think he is more into being a friend with them than winning Emily’s heart.  Could he not just be a nice guy?  Probably not.  I think the other men are mean to him and it probably stems from jealousy.  He’s low key in a sea of fame whores.

They spend the day walking around town and doing some shopping.  I like this guy and think he is more simple than calculated.  The men think he is self-deprecating and not exciting, but maybe he is just a normal guy who has been through some rough stuff, and now appreciated his blessings and lives with peace.  Maybe I’ve had so much wine I am sucked into the hope of love.

It’s time for the group date.  Nate, Michael, John and Alejandro are left out.  Two of them will go on a two on one date and two will simply get no date. Nate is shaken and upset about possibly being sent home which is a clear indication that he will in fact be going home.  I barely noticed him so he can go.  Meanwhile Doug and Emily are now out for dinner.

Emily worries Doug is like Brad and she is not seeing something important about him.  Could be her setting him up to be dumped, or maybe it’s a set up to her overcoming her fear and he becomes the one.  He seems like the perfect guy giving perfect answers and Emily is skeptical.  I like Doug and think he could possibly just be a great guy with good intentions.

Emily gives him the rose, and is then clearly pissed off that he did not kiss her.  She’s on the fast track through this process and he might be too slow moving for her.  He admittedly moves slow and never makes the first move so she is waiting, he is sitting, and it’s a bust.  I hope his being a gentleman is the cause of his getting dumped.

It’s group date time and Chris is officially grossing me out.  He is bad.  They are going sailing and will compete on two teams to win more time with Emily. Back at the house we learn that John and Nate are on the dreaded two on one date and both are pissed about it.  BY pissed of course I mean a their reaction is like a couple of little girls.  Buck up boys.

The men race, it’s intense, and a winning team is crowned.  Sailing looks rough and a little too dangerous for me, but they are all competitive and trying to impress her.  The losers are sent back tot eh hotel.  Charlie is crying and Sean says he would have given up his right leg to win.  Really?  I’m sure she will pick you if you cut off your own leg Sean.  Good call.

Arie takes Emily off for some private time and I cannot listen to him.  We know he is a pig who lied about his past so it’s not worth listening t him. Damn that Reality Steve for ruing this for me.  It’s my won fault fro reading it, but still, he is a joy sucker in the world of reality television.  Arie is a pig, I don’t believe what he says, and I feel bad for Emily.

Jef is off with her now and he is sweet but a little too feminine for me.  He is sweet and I think sincere, but I’m not feeling him for her and I don’t think Emily does either.  There is yet another awkward non-kissing moment.  Emily wants to kiss everyone but some are just talking their time.  Her being a lady is proving to be both a blessing and a curse.

Ryan has no real interest in Emily.  His goal is to be the next bachelor and I can assure him that is never going to happen.  I refuse to believe there is anyone working on this show that is dumb enough to give this loser a shot. Ryan is a complete and total pig and Emily is clearly not into him.  If he stays around it’s because the producers made her keep him.

The group date rose goes to Jef.  Arie is convinced he is closer to her than anyone and so he is annoyed he did not get it.  Jef talks like a girlfriend not a man trying to win her heart.  It’s weird.  John and Nate are on their date and I am totally bored.  Neither one of them have a snowballs shot in hell of finding love with her so their date is of no real interest.

Back at the house Chris and Doug are going at each other again.  Doug is saying there is a big difference between a man of 25 and one of 30, and Chris gets pissed off.  Chris has real issues with Doug and it’s gross.  Chris looks like an ass. Back on the date Emily would prefer to not give Nate or John a rose.  She would rather be with anyone else.

I am skipping over the rest of the date with John and Nate.  Emily is not interested in them so why should I be?  Nate is sent home.  Emily is with Ricki and while I love that she is there, I am now really interested in how she explained this to her little girl.  It’s time for the cocktail party.  Nate is out and two more men are being sent home.

Ryan takes Emily off for a chat at the cocktail party and she is obviously not into him.  We are once again reminded that if she picks him she was asked to.  Arie goes to save her from her time with Ryan.  Arie is begging her for compliments and he is sleazy now.  The show can force her to keep Ryan but they better be warning her about Arie.

Ryan lets us know he hopes to be the next Bachelor.  He is not into Emily, just the fame and any chick that dates him after this show is a moron. Sean gets time with her and they smooch.  Chris takes her off next and assures her he is not too young to get married and be a dad.  He is 25 and painfully immature.  She needs to send him home.

Chris takes Doug off for a chat and I want to punch Chris in the face.  I like Doug and think Chris is an idiot.  He is making a complete ass out of himself. Doug is calm and talks to Chris like a child, which he is.  Chris is an idiot.  He is jealous of Doug and the entire scene is ridiculous.  Chris is sealing his own fate and I hope he’s out soon.  Serious loser.

Chris Harrison finally gets his time with Emily and it makes me feel dirty. He is clearly into her and it’s weird.  Chris asks if there is chemistry with Jef and Emily reminds us there is no contact.  Chris is not surprised, and neither are any of us.  Chris is flirting with Emily, Emily thinks she has a sixth sense about men, and I am thankful for my wine.

It’s the rose ceremony and we are going down to the top 10.  Charlie and Michael are out.  I could not get past Michael’s hair so good he’s gone. Charlie however I totally dug.  He is sad to go and it’s a shame.  He is a sweet man, super cute, and it’s too bad he could not get her attention.  It could have been his brain injury that freaked her out.

Important to note that when Chris Harrison comes out to announce the final rose I want to impale myself.  It is the dumbest thing on television.  We can all count, even the dumbest contestants can count, and with one rose on the table we get it.  This show would be better without Chris.  Michael and Charlie both cry as they leave which is sad but hilarious.

Next week she takes her top 10 to London.  Looks like it will be fun.  London is my favorite city so I’m happy to see it, but nothing is as great as Emily dropping the F Bomb and kicking someone out.  Next week will be great and while they want us to think Ryan gets booted, I think it will be someone else.  While fun, they are not keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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