May 22, 2012 | 12:42 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
It’s week two and again, just five minutes in, I am totally into it. Emily is beautiful and that we are in Charlotte, not Los Angeles makes it better. We see Emily with her daughter and we are reminded that this is, on some level, real. She would not involve little Ricky if she were not committed to the process. Her friends seem normal, she seems normal, and I am invested.
I have met and interviewed Chris Harrison and he is a wonderful man. He is smart, funny, charming, and very attractive. That said, I don’t get him on this show. He does not seem to serve any real purpose. In the beginning we needed him to explain how it all worked, but now he just a waste of time, too old to be doing this, and clearly in love with Emily. Could get creepy.
Ryan gets the first one-on-one date and it’s so funny to see the men hanging around the pool acting like chicks. They are jealous of each other and plotting against each other, and it’s fabulous. Emily is seriously beautiful and for her first glamorous date she takes Ryan to her house and they bake cookies because she is snack mom for school the next day. Love her.
Emily and Ryan drop off the cookies to soccer practice, but he waits in the car and I love her even more. They are going out to dinner and she is a knock out. Ryan is sweet but I’m not totally feeling him with her. She is asking good questions, wants someone who is there for her, not someone trying to win the game. Ryan is answering well, but I’m still not into it.
I predicted him first week to be a contender but I’m kind of over him. That didn’t last long. Emily tells us she thinks he might be like Brad. Really? If she is feeling that then she should kick his perfectly toned ass to the curb. They finish dinner, he gets a rose and they listen to some band play and while dancing in front of the impromptu crowd that has been scripted to be there.
It’s group date time and the remaining 13 guys are meeting her in a theater. The date is putting on a variety show with The Muppets for the charity named after Ricky’s dad. It’s a sweet date and while I know I’ve said it before and know I will change my mind, this season has a much different vibe. There is still a lot of scrap, but a level of authenticity that is new.
Charlie is having an anxiety attack because he is afraid of speaking in front of a crowd. I love this guy and want to hug him. By hug him of course I mean kiss him. He goes to Emily and tells her he is uncomfortable and self-consious with his speech and asks if he can do something else. I freaking love this guy. He has no shot in hell, but I am pulling for him.
The Muppets are classic, still funny, and it is a treat to see them here. Ricky and her Grandma are in the audience, which is nice. Miss Piggy is divine, Charlie did a great job in the end, and while it was a little lame, it was great. The problem with it was that it was simply too long. Is this The Bachelorette or the Muppet Show? It went on and on and I lost interest.
The group date boys are now having drinks and everyone is trying to get time with Emily. Emily is talking with Chris and telling him she likes him. He is only 25 and that is simply too young for her. Jef and her have “the best talk she has had with anyone” and I am laughing because they talked about everything but the fact that he is unsure of his sexuality.
Stevie is dancing with Emily and it’s cute. He is a party DJ, which is not cute. Kalon is talking to Emily now and he is repulsive. He is not into her but salivating over the possibilities of 15 minutes. Some guy, whose name I do not know, comes to take Emily from Kalon and Kalon is begging for 2 minutes but the guy says he is not waiting and takes Emily off.
Emily goes with what’s his name and Kalon is complaining to the other men that it was not cool. Stevie hates Kalon, is a little drunk, and they are behaving like Ali and Vienna. It’s fantastically mortifying. Emily gives the date rose to Jef which was just weird. I thought she would give it to Charlie so I was surprised. Men are pissed and about to start acting like chicks.
The final date of the night is with Joe. They go by private plane to her home state of West Virginia. They go to a resort where she went growing up and then it happens. Week 2 and she is in a bikini. She rocks it, Joe is sweet but it’s much more interesting back at the house. The men are talking about dating a woman with a child and buttons are being pushed.
Kalon is saying he thought his first child would be his own and he needs to process dating a woman with a child. Kalon, the douchelord, tells yummy single dad Doug that he put being a dad on hold to be on the show. Really? Them are fighting words and you know Kalon is going to be hated by the end of the night. He has been gross since the first second we met him.
Joe and Emily are out for dinner. She is saying she wants to get married and have more kids and he is saying he does not want to plan it all out. She is not feeling butterflies, he is not ready, and he is saying all the wrong things. She dumps him, cries through it all, and you have got to love her. She is in it, not playing games, and God help any ass who tries hurts her.
Joe leaves with no hug, no kiss, and says it was a great opportunity. See ya sore loser Joe. Arie is chatting with Emily and he reminds me of Andy Samberg. He tells her he has dated a single mom in the past, and you can see her heart flutter. Yay for the token Jew. Ryan, who has a rose, goes to talk to Emily and gives her a poem. Totally creepy.
Poor Tony is pissed Ryan is taking time with her. He goes to get some time and instead is standing there like a putz while Emily reads Ryan’s letter. It was freaking 7 pages! Tony is talking about having a 5 year old son and its so tragic because he has no shot in hell, is pouring his heart out, and there is no chemistry. She could care less about him or that he is a dad.
Kalon is with Emily, again, and he reminds me of a rich preppy kid who gets charged with attacking a woman, then gets off because he has so much money. He seems like the type of guy who will have a bad Lifetime movie of the week made about him. He’s creepy, slimy, untrustworthy, and full of crap. He needs to go. Quickly.
Two men are being sent home which is stupid. We just sat through 2 hours to have a total of 3 men go home? They are going to have to move this along a little faster if they want us to stay in it. I am willing to watch for 2 hours a week, but I need a minimum of 4 dudes to get the boot. The 2 men going home are Aaron and Kyle. Both men leave pissed and on the verge of tears.
Next week will have lots of crying, which I am not ashamed to tell you I love. What makes it so great is that the crying is by the men not Emily. I am excited about this season and they are teasing us just enough to keep things interesting. They do need to move it along however. I will be supportive for now but if they start jerking us around they lose all hope of keeping it real.
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