Jewish Journal

The Bachelor Week 4 Recap

by Ilana Angel

January 30, 2013 | 4:25 pm

I look forward to this show as much as I dread it.  Two hours a week of this garbage is a lot to ask of us for ten minutes of fake romance at the end.  We are down to thirteen women, and with only two or three worth dating, there is a lot of wasted time as we watch women who have no shot in hell try to win Sean’s heart.  It’s time for women to stop throwing each other down the stairs and start killing each other.  Lets wrap this season up already.

Sean wants this week to be about trust.  I’m wondering how many women he makes out with in order for them to trust him.  Selma gets the first date. She is a pretty girl but no way she is going to be the one.  She is excited while everyone else is sad, except for Tierra who is pissed off.  Some chick whose name I can’t remember is crying because she wants Sean to know she has a heart.  She should be concerned that she actually has no brain.

We are 6 minutes in and I am drinking.  I might need to speed through this blog so I finish before things get sloppy.  They are on a private jet and head off to the desert.  Selma lets us know she may be Iraqi, but the desert is not her thing.  She is pissed off about the date but says she is happy she wore hiking boots.  The editing sucks on this show.  They are rock climbing, she is nonstop complaining to the camera, and I need her to go home.

Selma is the Kardashian contestant and she is hating every minute of this date.  She gets courage and plows through, certain it came from Sean.  Sean is looking up into her ass and does not care about what she is accomplishing. Her body is killer and she is beautiful, but no. They go to dinner and we learn she cannot kiss him on camera as it will offend and upset her parents.  Can’t make out? She is on the wrong show and will go home soon.

This date is awkward and even though they are the only couple to not make out, their date feels dirty.  The group date card arrives and Tierra is in the group and pissed off.  Tierra is a crazy person.  Selma gets the date rose and I am laughing because he is going to make out with everyone but Selma and that is going to piss her mom off even more.  The group, including the chick with one arm, is going to play roller derby.  I’m pouring more wine.

AshLee is nervous and Tierra is excited to get out her aggression.  Amanda lies and tells everyone she has played before to freak them out.  Brilliant move.  Sarah is crying because her balance is off with only one arm.  She has a little pad on her missing arm and it is sad.  She needs to go home because he is not picking her and she is now humiliating herself.  AshLee is comforting her and now my new favorite.  Sean is messing with Sarah.

Amanda is the best skater and then she wipes out and is off to the hospital. This date is lame and he calls off the game and makes it a free skate instead.  Damn it.  Someone was going to die and he ruined it.  We could have gone to 12 chicks without a rose ceremony.  Bastard.  They are off to dinner. Sean takes Sarah off to chat and he is not into her, but does not want to be the douche who sends her home. Tierra is about to lose it.

Amanda comes back and she is okay.  She is going to milk the sympathy card and hopes to get the group date rose.  Back at the house Leslie H gets the date card and a pair of diamond earrings.  Sean is making the rounds through the group date and Tierra is crying and upset that people don’t like her.  Her plan will backfire and I can’t wait to see it.  She is crying to the producer that she needs to go home.  Everyone thinks she is an idiot.

Tierra goes to Sean and tells him she cannot do it anymore and needs to go home because she is tortured.  He talks to her and the fake crying stops immediately.  Sean reminds her that she is into him and the entire thing is cringe worthy.  I am almost hammered. Amanda practically breaks her face and the date rose is going to Tierra. Oh no he didn’t. The girls are livid the rose is going to crazy and it is fantastic.  Sean is an idiot.

Leslie is off to her Pretty Woman date and I find her to be immature and annoying.  He takes her shopping on Rodeo Drive.  I can’t take it.  She looks beautiful and he is sweet, but I don’t see them together and her giggling is giving me a headache. She keeps playing with her hair, which is bugging me, and as hard as he tries he is just not feeling her.  At least she has the earrings to sell on eBay.  He sends her home and we are down to twelve.

AshLee takes Sean off and I really like her.  I don’t want her to get screwed over, which means she probably will because I always pick wrong on this show. Important to note that Sean says he can’t keep his hands off of her. Translation:  Selma is going home soon.  Robyn is making chocolate/black girl jokes that are not funny. Tierra is complaining to Amanda and it is hilarious. Crazy loves crazy. Tierra wants to confront a couple of the bitches.

Tierra talks to Robyn and Jackie and tells them she is sorry she was rude, but felt attacked.  They accept her apology and it’s weird because she didn’t mean the sorry and they don’t believe her.  Tierra says she is there to “win this”.  Translation:  she is going home soon.   Robin and Jackie tell the girls about their conversation with Tierra and nobody is buying it.  Sweet and naïve Sean is also a sleazy pig that blows a lot of smoke up a lot of asses.

It is the rose ceremony and I am annoyed.  One more girl is going home which is lame.  If someone is sent home during the show, Leslie, that is cool, but two should still go home at the rose ceremony.  They are dragging this out too much and my liver is suffering.  Roses are handed out and crazy Amanda is out.  She almost broke her face, but whatever. She is crazy and unfortunate looking. Sean is a pig but at least he is keeping it real.



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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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